It's a Long Road to Redemption, Kacchan
Summary: Bakugou stares at the eyes of the villain, Deku's eyes, unable to believe the sight before him. There he is: the weak, quirkless loser he once took pleasure in tormenting until he drove him off the edge of a building.
"Oh, Kacchan, you look like you've seen a ghost," Izuku's lips stretch into a smirk.
"I have." Katsuki nods, vowing to himself to fix what he's done.
Chapter 4: Comfortable Dichotomy
"What the fuck do you mean it's because of me, nerd?" Bakugou demands harshly, his angry voice a cover for the dread spilling into his chest.
He knows it's his fault Deku killed himself, he's accepted that much. And yet…something tells him there's more to the story.
Izuku is sitting next to him before he knows it, pale hands rubbing at his temples. He looks tired and a small, barely explored part of Katsuki aches for him.
(Naturally he ignores that part for getting answers.)
"You'd better start fucking talking!"
The villain shakes his head, a spark of amusement behind the gesture,
"Still as impatient as ever I see…" Izuku waves a pale finger at him, as though scorning, "Kacchan, you don't appear to be learning your lessons."
Katsuki opens his mouth to fight back but the other beats him to it,
"The League of Villains keeps tabs on everyone," he tells him, switching to his more analytical side in a heartbeat, "We have spies in places you can't even begin to imagine,"
(Bakugou winces at the word we but chooses not to express it).
"When someone presents a strong quirk like yours, the Leagues becomes interested…" the words hang in the air, some unspoken bitterness and jealousy behind them.
He sends him a poignant glare,
"I already fucking know that! The League wanted me to join and I already refused!" he barks, the impatience within him exploding, "You're not telling me anything new."
Deku sends him and exasperated look, signalling, "I was just getting to it,"
He sighs in the end, leaning further against the cold wall, as if for support. Katsuki doesn't miss the exhaustion written on his face. He has to wonder – is it a result of using his quirk? Or he hates doing this? Maybe both?
"Yeah, you did. And the League didn't take happily to it," Izuku continues,
Bakugou sighs – he should have seen this coming.
"Anyway, they figured the only way to make you join is through me."
The hero takes in the words, carefully weighing the dreadful implications behind them. There's a new surge of guilt and at this point he doesn't try to quell it – perhaps it's time for him to face some of his own demons, especially when one of them is standing mere inches away.
"I think…I think they looked into your past and somehow figured out what you did to me," Izuku adds and he sounds small and breakable, as though his four year old version does the talking, "Maybe they talked to some of our classmates…"
Katsuki sucks in a breath and the words leave his mouth before he can stop them,
"That's probably the main reason they think I'd make such a good villain,"
Deku's eyes widen upon the words and it seems a bit of the hatred melts away. There's a beat of silence between them – this time it feels a little less painful – before he goes on,
"Somehow they arrived at the conclusion I'm the only one who can convince you."
Katsuki snorts, despite the emotions in his chest, rocking him to his very core,
"That's fucking bullshit and we both now it!"
Deku shakes his head,
"Not if I use my powers over you."
Bakugou freezes at the statement, feeling as though the air in the room has been sucked out. The fury within him, the demand for answers – it's all gone, replaced by ice spreading through his chest.
"You…" Deku's voice is barely above a whisper and yet it echoes through the room, "You have no idea how powerful I am. What I can…do to people."
Katsuki bites his lip, struggling with what to say next. Slowly he begins to realize the power at the tip of Deku's hands is immense, what he put him through stands as proof. A spark of jealousy ignites in his chest but he quickly puts it out – he's lost the right to be jealous a long time ago.
(He's probably lost the right to feel anything at all).
He shakes his head, forcing the words out of his mouth,
"You're afraid of this power, aren't you?"
Izuku shrinks at the question, burying his curly head into his knees. It's an answer as good as any other.
The silence between them is almost tangible, pressing down on him, until he's suffocating,
"Deku…" the other boy doesn't look up and he doesn't expect him to, "How exactly did you come back?"
The pause between them stretches but for once Katsuki is patient, as if afraid speaking up might erase whatever progress he's made. This version of Midoriya reminds him of a small wild animal - one wrong step towards him and he might flee or worse - attack.
Still, he needs the whole story and bad temper or not, he has to play nice for it.
Because – as All Might has taught him – being a hero means putting other's needs before your own.
For one short moment – an eternity to him – he considers raising a pale hand and putting it on Deku's scrawny, freckled shoulder.
"They…brought me back from the grave, I told you,"
Bakugou tries very hard to ignore the shiver the confession sends down his spine, suspicions one uglier than the other,
"One of the villains…she has a reviving quirk,"
Katsuki's mind goes into an override, his imagination painting dark scenarios in broad strokes,
"Fucking hell…" he swears, desperation poking through the profanity, "Deku…do you have any fucking idea how bad this is? What power this gives to the League!?"
Izuku nods but otherwise doesn't move from his position, clammy forehead pressed against scrawny knees,
"What…who are they going to bring back next?"
The villain – Bakugou has had to remind himself Deku is a villain a hundred times in the past minute – doesn't respond. If anything he stiffens, as if coming up with a sudden resolute.
"Fucking tell me!" he demands harshly, voice raising by an octave or so as the impatience within him explodes like a bomb.
When he was a kid, he always thought anger was his best friend, the thing that kept him going. Now he knows otherwise, most often than not it is precisely anger that lands him into trouble.
That doesn't stop him from being hot-headed and reckless though – it's something that is perhaps his very nature – take that and what do you have left?
He grabs Izuku's white shirt into his hand, yanking the boy so close they could as well be kissing.
"Fucking tell me, you useless Deku!"
At first Midoriya flinches, green eyes frozen with fear. Bakugou goes on instinct, his actions an echo from the past…
After all they've done this so many times: A bully and a victim. It's such a comfortable dichotomy he finds it hard to break away from.
The fury in him boils over and though he can't use his quirk – it's gone, gone, he can still fight. His fingers curl into a fist and before even realizing what he's doing, he slams Deku into the opposite wall with one hand and punches him square in the jaw with the other.
"Don't you fucking get it!?" he demands, "The League of Villains could be planning to fucking obliterate the country and- and you are here helping them!"
Izuku opens his mouth to say something but Katsuki is never one to listen,
"What happened to you wanting to be a hero!?" he screams, droplets of his own saliva flying past his mouth, "Huh?! What happened to helping others!?"
"Shut up!" Midoriya finally snaps, pale hands curling around his, desperate to tear them away from himself, break free.
"I've always known you're pathetic but stooping so low…to endanger others, endanger innocents…" a sudden idea flashes though his mind,
"Like your own mother…that's fucking low even for someone like you Deku!"
The moment the words leave his mind he knows it's a mistake. There's a pause, lasting no more than a second and yet it remains sealed in his mind, years later.
Izuku's eyes widen, the emotions in them switching from shock, to horror and finally settling into hatred.
Deku's hand slams against his chest and all he can think, no, scream is: Not this again, please not this…
The emotions in his chest explode, the guilt, the regret, the unworthiness are back as strong as ever, as though compounded by all the many times he's felt them.
"This is all your fault!" Izuku screams, his voice raising by an octave, "We are in this because you! You are the one that made me into a villain, Kacchan!"
Bakugou doesn't even try to fight the tide that washes over him and threatens to drown him, at this point he knows it's useless – emotions are the one thing he can't punch into oblivion.
xxx
(Past)
Katsuki stares at the white walls of his room in U.A.
He doesn't bring any of his All Might toys – that's a memory of a time and place he wants to run away from. He hardly brings anything other than clothes and underwear, a toothbrush and books.
Because really – that's what his life has been reduced to – the pursue of a goal, all in the name of paying a debt. It's no longer about him, it's about shitty Deku and their mistakes.
"WOW, is your room empty!" Kirishima screams one cloudy afternoon, when he has managed to sneak in, somehow without Katsuki noticing.
(Vaguely he realizes it has become a challenge for the other students to get into his room and whoever manages to do it first gets to win some shitty bet. Of course Hair for Brains is the one to get in first.)
Bakugou shakes his head, he swears he should learn to lock his room and not for the reasons one might think.
"Like dude…it looks like a fucking monastery or some shit," the redhead continues, vivid eyes trailing over empty walls and a well-made bed, one reminiscent of that of a soldier, "Are you a monk? I mean you don't strike me as-"
"No one fucking invited you, fuckmunch," Bakugou growls, doing his best to scare away the other boy. Problem is, even his most threatening look doesn't work on Kirishima.
Instead the other's attention turns away from him and falls over something else,
"Hey, what is that?"
Katsuki's eyes widen in horror as he follows Kirishima's line of sight, landing over the small, beaten up notebook, the number 13 written on the cover.
He acts before he thinks, a strong pale hand slamming over the other's, his fingers curling into a death grip.
"Don't fucking touch that!" he all but screams and this is the first time he sees fear flicker through Kirishima's wide, innocent eyes.
(He hates how much he reminds him of another boy, one that has been reduced to a memory).
The redhead's skin hardens in order to counter the pain of his steaming fingers,
"Dude…you need to chill out," he tells him, voice going firm as he lets go of the notebook, "Like…what even is that – your diary or some shit?"
Bakugou truly wants to laugh, the sound bitter in his mind. Because really, him having a diary is a better, simpler explanation than admitting: this is the notebook of a kid I pushed into suicide and his mum gave to me out of pity.
"More likely he keeps a list of the people he's killed,"
Kaminari's familiar, joking voice makes his head snap towards the open door of his room and let out a whole line of swears. He's had enough, the simmering anger in him bleeding into a stern resolute. He all but drags Kirishima out and pushes him into the unsuspecting arms of Denki.
"Get the fuck out before I blow you up!"
The door slams in their faces.
"Oh, Katsuki, you can blow me any day you want!"
The redhead's remark elicits laughter from the other students but soon enough they start to leave.
Away from their curious gazes Bakugou slides down the door, pressing the damn notebook against his chest. He can still hear his classmates' loud, cheerful voices, the way they joke around – careless and free.
Jealousy sparks in his chest as he takes in their amusement, how easy and simple their lives are.
This is all Kirishima and Kaminari are: Good boys wanting to be heroes – so starkly different from someone like him he finds it hard, borderline impossible to believe they have the same goal.
xxx
That night he struggles to fall asleep, tossing and turning in bed until he falls on the floor ungracefully, a heap of tangled limbs and sheets.
"Fucking hell!" he swears but still hushes his voice down.
No need to wake others up, just like there's no need to rope them into his own madness.
His feet take him to his desk, shaky fingers curling around the edge of the destroyed notebook.
The cold, grey light of the moon invades the room and he feels as though he's some place strange and not entirely real.
He starts going through the notebook, almost in a trance. The first ten pages are a blur: weird looking drawings of superheroes and Izuku's messy handwriting.
Then his breath hitches and as he takes in the latest portrait: In the crumpled, half burned, half soaked papers he can still trace the outlines of his own face.
"Damn nerd,"
It's all sharp edges and bright colours and he doesn't miss the triumphant smile, nor the messy bangs that frame his head in a way that is almost –
He doesn't allow his mind to stray in that direction.
Red eyes grow frantic as he takes in the words, the endless praise,
"Kacchan is so strong! I wish I was like him!"
(He can almost hear the other's kind, squeaky voice in his own head. How small it sounds yet how it speaks volumes.)
There are facts written in between the sketches and exclamations, calculations and observations that could easily take an opponent out. Intelligence bleeds through each row and quickly Bakugou finds himself completely wrapped into the other's words.
"That damn Deku," the sentence feels uncomfortable on his tongue, as though out of place.
The image of Deku in his mind grows and evolves, morphing from a loser kid into a force that wanted to create, not destroy.
Deku was his friend.
He'd destroyed the boy for nothing.
For the first time in his life Katsuki is ready to admit – he was wrong. Only issue is admitting it doesn't bring back people from the dead.
xxx
(Present)
Next time he comes to the handcuffs are back on his wrists, a cold, hard reminder of the fact he's screwed up again.
"Fuck," he swears under his breath, pushing through the fog that every experience of Deku's power leaves him in.
He sits up, his head falling against the chilly surface of the wall behind him.
He shouldn't have been so rough, Izuku isn't himself, his sanity starting to dwindle. When he'd first taken him the boy appeared confident and strong but a closer look at the bags under his eyes, the shaky fingers should have told him the truth.
Deku seems to be slipping further and further away from the world and it isn't hard for the blonde to see the cracks in his sanity.
"Perhaps an effect of his quirk…" he thinks absentmindedly.
They're here because of him and now the League is becoming more powerful, posing a threat that perhaps even the pro heroes can't handle.
"Fucking hell," the swear rolls of his tongue but does little to melt away all the emotions running through him.
This is not…this is not how he's imagined seeing Izuku again.
He's wished for it, dreamed for it a million times and more. Screamed for it before an empty grave, apologizing to someone long gone.
This is what he needs to do, apologize. His pride objects and explodes in his chest but for once he's willing to put it aside…If this is the price of keeping his country safe, then he's going to pay it.
If he gets Deku to trust him, if he makes him believe he's sorry, then he might even want to be on their side. And with such a powerful quirk-
"You feel more hopeful than before?"
Bakugou looks up, only to meet two familiar orbs of green stare back.
"And you look like shit."
(Yeah…that didn't sound like I'm sorry).
Deku sighs, too tired to bother with him. It irks Katsuki, the lack of energy glaringly obvious when he contrasts it against the boy he used to know a lifetime ago.
Something in his mind clicks, the realization so sudden it takes his breath away.
"Nerd," he begins and something in his voice must have caught the other's attention, "What the hell do they have over you to keep you here?"
Izuku bites his lips and raises his hands before himself, as if for protection. Hesitation flickers in his expressive eyes.
"I know you wouldn't be doing this out of fear for your own life,"
Bakugou meets his gaze and prays he can get the fact across without speaking out loud: You can trust me.
In the end he seems to get the message,
"Kacchan…" the nickname feels out of place in the cell, "The truth is -"
Deku doesn't get to finish the sentence before falling to the ground.
Author's Note: What do you think Izuku was about to say?
So yay for Kirishima! There will actually be a lot more from him! I love him way too much not to include him. Fun fact: I actually ship both Bakushima, BakuDeku and TodoDeku…yeah, I think there's something strange about me xD Just curious anyone out there ship all the ships too ? ^^
Thanks for reviewing : ravenlily144, Viki, Guest, Gellaby, EtheriousLogia, Guest, Lollipop12
Gellaby - Hey, hopefully this chapter answered some of your questions about Izuku's connection with the villains. Don't worry - more is to come on that front as the story goes on :)
What did you make of Kirishima and Kaminari?
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