It's a Long Road to Redemption, Kacchan
Summary: Deku followed Bakugou's advice and took a swan dive off the roof. Five years later they meet again: Izuku is a now villain with a peculiar quirk that happens to be the blonde's greatest weakness.
(AU: Villain!Deku, Bakudeku).
Chapter 5: Another Version of You
"Deku, you fucking idiot!" Bakugou doesn't realize he's screaming until his throat aches.
"Get up, damn it!"
His words elicit no answer and panic raises within him. He takes a deep breath, reminding himself of the damn counting technique Aizawa taught him.
"Oi, fuckmunch get the hell up, we don't have time for this!"
A dark thought runs through his mind – what if he's dead?
The implications of the idea echo through his head…Deku can't die, not again, not when so much is at stake.
"Just…don't fucking die, nerd," he grumbles under his breath as red eyes trail over the other's small frame.
Somehow Izuku looks worse a minute ago. His skin is pallid, clashing horribly against matted dark hair. Bakugou inches closer towards him, ever so slowly.
With some effort he puts a cuffed hand over his neck and waits. Underneath his fingertips there's a slow, steady heartbeat. Relief washes over him like a tidal wave and he lets out a shaky breath.
"You fucking scared me, Deku,"
He notices the small fingertip shaped sensor and swears for not seeing it earlier. With some effort he presses one of Izuku's fingers against it, praying it works.
It does, he hears a mechanical whirring and his hands are free.
"Finally!"
He gets up to leave, only to find the door firmly locked. There's no sensor on the frame and it angers him further.
"Damn it,"
A spark of curiosity ignites in his chest and he can't resist the urge of lifting Deku up. The smaller man doesn't stir but he makes a small sound, something caught between a whimper and a sob. It sends alarms ringing loud and clear in Bakugou's head.
"If those damn fuckers hurt you, I'll…."
He lets out a shaky breath before raising the other's sleeves.
The sight before him confirms his suspicions as he takes in the scars. They're one too many, some still angry and red, others more faded and smooth – a pale pink reminder of the past.
Katsuki swipes Izuku's bangs away from his eyes and freezes when the angry scar comes into view.
"Deku…" he mumbles, taken aback at the longing behind the nickname.
Before his ego stops him he traces the other's pale face with his thumb, taking in the clammy skin and the alarming warmth underneath it.
"Kacchan…"
He pulls back so fast he falls flat on his butt. Izuku stares at him, his gaze a mix of curiosity and amusement.
"Was I… hallucinating or were you really being nice to me?"
Bakugou shoots him a pointed glare, he doesn't like the almost flirtatious tone the other has adopted.
"Deku," he presses on the nickname, "You'd better start talking,"
Izuku shrinks before his gaze, green eyes straying away. The sparks of amusement from a minute ago dissipate and the air of hopelessness is back.
"You were about to tell me what those shitheads at the League have against you," he reminds, though he doubts the other has forgotten, "Before you fucking fainted."
Midoriya licks his lips, "Yeah, that tends to happen. Side effect of the quirk I guess."
The hero stiffens at the new bit of information but tries not to express his concern. Desperation practically leaks off the villain and it makes Katsuki's skin crawl. There's something wrong and unnatural about seeing him this way.
"Why should I tell you?"
Bakugou grinds his teeth, his patience running low when it isn't high to begin with,
"Because I'm a fucking hero, damn it!" he all but shouts, "And you look an awful lot like you're in need of saving!"
The effect his words produce is imminent as Izuku all but jumps to his feet, seemingly forgetting the fever,
"You saving me!?" he screams, voice high pitched like that of a madman, "What a fucking joke, Kacchan!"
Katsuki opens his mouth to reply but all protests die on his lips as he's rendered speechless. It takes a whole minute to process the fact the other has just screamed at him.
And as it appears he has no intention of stopping.
"You're the entire damn reason I'm here!" Deku goes on, words inching towards hysteria, "You're the reason why I was dragged back from the dead!"
He shakes his head frantically as laughter bubbles up his chest. It sounds broken around the edges, a parody of a sane man's laugh.
"You…" the word hangs small in the stale air between them as Izuku jams a finger against his chest, "You made me suffer so much…and even that wasn't good enough for you. You couldn't even let me die in peace!"
The hero just stares at him, taking in the tears as they spill from wide, desperate eyes and roll onto sunken cheeks. His heart clenches with guilt and sympathy but he doesn't know what to do, how to convey the tornado of emotions in his chest.
Bakugou's pretty sure there's something wrong with him. Some days he wishes his mother took him to a shrink and he was given pills or anything really, any fix to make him normal.
Because he isn't and there are moments when his ego is nothing but a mask that hides an abyss of self-hatred.
He takes a step towards Izuku and stretches out a pale hand.
"Shitty nerd, I…"
Deku gasps at the small gesture, mistaking it for an attack. His mind screams at him to pull back but his hand remains outstretched - a plea for forgiveness.
Slowly Izuku relaxes, his behaviour similar to that of a small, injured animal that is being helped. (Bakugou has always been closer to animals than people. They don't talk which is a big plus).
He still doesn't take his hand though, instead moving away.
Katsuki flinches, the sting of rejection echoing through his being. In the end his hand falls by his side limply, like a deflated balloon.
"Kacchan…"
It's perhaps the first time in his life he's relieved to hear the nickname and the whole spectre of feelings behind it.
"Deku, I…" he begins, a million different things on his mind.
He's planned this conversation, hell he even scripted it when he hit his lowest point and there was a bottle in one hand and a pen in the other.
Now the words melt on his lips, like snowflakes falling in the dirt. He can't make them come out, all he's ever being good at are angry threats and empty swears.
"I…never wanted you to come back,"
Izuku's eyes widen in shock and he shakes his head,
"Well, that's not nice to say."
"No!" Katsuki nearly screams, "I fuck…I can't even express myself, nerd."
The villain doesn't press further and he pays more attention, cherry picking his words like never before,
"I never wanted you to be dragged back from the death. I never wanted you to be used against me like some fucking tool…You- you don't deserve that."
Midoriya's features soften a little and he sits down on the floor, the gesture followed by the hero.
"I don't want you to suffer again…all I wished for all these years was for you find peace."
xxx
(Past)
The day of the sports festival rolls in before they even realize what's going. Time seems to fly by when looking in retrospect.
Excitement and motivation flicker in his classmates' eyes and Katsuki allows himself to delve into it too, heart beating faster as the hour of the opening approaches.
He scans 1-A and he knows with the finality of a sunset he's leaps ahead of everyone, safe for one person: Todoroki.
He's the closest thing to a rival and even he is lacking. Bakugou isn't sure why but the damn "half-half bastard" is unwilling to use his right arm. If he can trust Kirishima's explanation (and he knows he can) it's all due to some family drama bullshit.
Bakugou has a simple plan – attack and attack and spew threats till his mouth runs dry. It's all in the name of provoking the strange kid, making him use his full potential.
(He doesn't settle for anything short from the best, so he'll make the other be his best).
"Dude, don't you actually want to win?" Kaminari questions as he announces his plan before the match.
Kirishima nods, "I mean you shouldn't-"
"Yes I should!" he all but explodes, angry and clueless at the way no one understands, "Don't you fucking get it?! I want a real victory!"
The two boys share a strange look. Bakugou closes his eyes and sucks in an exasperated breath. The training room reeks of sweat and cleaning materials and strangely that smell has become a home to them.
"I don't want it to be fucking handed to me!" he goes on, for whatever reason eager to make them see, "I don't want him to give up on half of his potential due to some sad shit that happened to him as a kid!"
Eijirou opens his mouth to say something, seeing right through his words like he always does. Bakugou manages to outshout him, crush whatever shitty advice he has.
"I don't want him to be like-"
He almost says that name but never does.
The faces of his two classmates scream of worry and it makes skin crawl – he hasn't earned it. He doesn't want it, nor does he need it.
(The loudest, meanest voice in his head begs to ask: Who the hell wants to be friends with a murderer anyway?)
"Just fucking forget about it," he grumbles, pushing them away as he opts to leave.
Before they can reply he slams the door of the training room under their noses and walks away.
Not like he can afford anyone to get close, not again.
xxx
In his memories the day is surrounded by bright lights and encouraging shouts he remains deaf to.
He remembers fighting Uraraka, he remembers how the crowd belittled her for being a girl and he definitely remembers the wrath it evoked in him. How can people worry over petty little things like gender roles when you have a world full of villains on the loose is beyond him.
The fight with Kirishima flashes before his eyes and he can still see the determination in those familiar red eyes. Beating him was a real victory, something earned.
Finally there's the last round.
Todoroki's dad Endeavour won't stop screaming nonsense from the audience and Bakugou has a real urge to go pay him a visit and make him shut up, number two superhero or not.
"Don't you fucking dare fight without you flames," Katsuki snaps, red eyes falling over the other's.
Shouto doesn't flinch at the harsh words, doesn't argue back or even bother respond. He seems cold and detached, as though having given up on people a long time ago.
The impassive look on his face is what drives Bakugou over the edge. He charges again and again, using explosions and angry swears to get a spark from the other.
"What makes you think you can change my mind?" Icy Hot asks in the end, after they exchange one too many blows to count, "What makes you think you can change anything at all with hatred alone?"
Katsuki pauses at for a fraction of a second, something in the words resonating with him on a level he didn't realize existed.
Todoroki's emotions morph from impassiveness to desperation and the haunted look in his eyes as his father screams his name almost makes him feel something.
All Bakugou can think is: If Deku was here he'd fix this. He'd fix him.
He'd find the right words, the encouraging smile, a pat on the back and some inspirational bullshit like in a shounen…he'd make it all go away.
Problem is, he's gone.
And so is Todoroki in a way.
"Don't you see this family drama bullshit is only holding you back?!" he screams as he attacks but the other doesn't even raise a hand to block him.
Instead the bastard smiles, seconds away from the explosion:
"We all have our demons," He points out, voice nonchalant, "Problem is sometimes they win."
Katsuki blows up the entire arena that day. On records he says it was because of how angry he was for the other handing him the victory.
Deep down he knows the reason is entirely different.
xxx
That day the graveyard looks like something taken straight out of a movie. The grass is a vibrant green, the sky a pristine blue - a mockery next to the impassive white tombstones.
Bakugou can't help but squint his eyes at the bright, warm light the sun bathes everything in.
"Stupid fucking weather," he swears under his breath, trudging along the straight rows of graves.
He arrives at his destination before he's ready, wide red eyes coming to stare at the smoothness of the stone: little black symbols carved into it as they form a few sentences.
(It's strange really, those words will be there forever and Deku is gone. Vaguely Bakugou is annoyed at how objects last forever while humans are left to perish.)
He kneels down, gold medal dangling from his neck as it sinks into the soft grass. It doesn't feel earned, so why care about it?
"Deku," the name sounds strange and foreign, as though a word in a language long forgotten.
It sounds wrong and yet he doesn't have anything else to go by, it's not like he's earned the right to go by on a first name basis…Midoriya sounds too formal, too final.
Bakugou has had more than enough finality at the age of sixteen.
"You shouldn't have fucking done it," he grumbles, words small and barely understandable, yet holding more emotion than he could ever express.
He wishes Deku would crouch next to him, put a pale hand on his shoulder (he won't even fight it) and tell him it's all okay. It's not his fault, he didn't really kill himself, somehow this is just a shitty nightmare, a prelude before the real story.
It never happens and he just remains there, squatting down by the grave of the kid he killed. All in the name of silencing his own demons.
(Some nights, as he lays wide awake in his bed he has to wonder – if he had the courage to share his own fears with Deku – would he make them quiet down?)
He's selfish to think that, selfish to wish the other could come back in the name of giving him a closure he doesn't deserve.
"Here, just fucking take this!"
His fingers curl around the round shape of the medal. It feels cold and empty in his palm, it feels like cheating rather than owning a victory.
Todoroki's cold face flashes before his eyes and for one long moment all he can think is: Deku would probably like the guy. He'd fawn over his unique ability and worry over the sad look behind his haunted eyes.
He'd make him narrate whatever sad backstory he has, shine light on the demons that prevent him from going further.
Bakugou is certain about one thing: In another lifetime Deku would find some sneaky, heroic way to save Todoroki from himself.
"Take it, it's not like I fucking deserve it anyway!"
He puts the medal at the corner of the tombstone, sparkly gold clashing against the white of the stone.
A moment passes and then another… the fury within him starts to melt away, replaced by something else, a strange sort of acceptance.
"Bye, Deku."
This time his words are rid of anger but it doesn't offer the much needed relief, if anything it feels as though giving up.
xxx
(Present)
Katsuki isn't sure how much time passes, how long they remain in silence.
"You…do you really mean all that, Kacchan?" Deku asks in the end, "Did you really want peace for me?"
The hero sighs, the anger within him igniting once more. He does his best to press against the urge to scream and shout, to tear and destroy. It's time to repair.
"When have I ever fucking lied to you?"
Izuku appears to hesitate, as though weighing his words. He presses a slim, scarred finger against his chapped lips,
"Mmm, but you could have changed for all those years."
Bakugou meets his eyes, taken aback by the fear in them. There's something skewed, something disgusting and wrong in a villain cowering before a hero. That's not how it should be, that's not what society says.
"I have," he admits in the end, "Shit, I know I put you through hell but do you have any fucking idea what happened to everyone you left behind?"
Izuku visibly shrinks at the words, green eyes darting away.
"Do you have any fucking idea how badly this hurt your mother, Deku!?" he demands harshly, "Screw me, what about her, huh!?"
The villain's gaze widens in shock, as though taken aback by the statement. Vaguely Katsuki realizes there isn't a trace left of his former self, of the selfish kid who once thought the world began and ended with his initials.
Truth is, the former Katsuki is as dead as fourteen year old Deku.
Problem is he has no idea who this new Izuku is and he's desperate to find out. After all not only his life depends on it, rather that of the country as the threat of the League of Villains looms in.
"I've spent every minute since they brought me back thinking about what I did to my mother!"
Compassion blooms in his chest like a weed but he doesn't have the heart to pull it away,
"I hate myself more than you could ever hate me, Kacchan." Deku adds, voice barely above a whisper.
It's the surrender that scares Bakugou the most. Suddenly the threat of losing him reappears,
"Then make this right while you still fucking can, damn it!" he roars, hands grasping at Izuku's freckled shoulders before he can stop himself.
The villain shivers against his touch but doesn't pull away. Their eyes collide, red clashing over green.
"You don't get it, I can't."
Katsuki has the urge to tighten his grip but doesn't give in,
"Why the hell not?" he demands harshly, "You always wanted to be a hero, here's your chance now!"
Deku shakes his head, green tresses flying in all directions, "I lost any chance of being a hero as soon as I jumped off that roof."
Something breaks in Bakugou's chest upon hearing that and he has no idea what to say, how to console. All the hero classes ever taught him was how to punish crime, not how to fix those who cause it.
"Not to mention…'" Izuku's lowers his voice, as though he's about to share something both important and terrifying at the same time, "The League has eyes on my mum...Her new boyfriend is a villain. One wrong move from me and he kills her."
It takes a moment for Katsuki to grasp the meaning of the words, to view their implications. His mind flies to Izuku's home and he can practically see Inko's face flash before him.
He shivers upon thinking about her in danger, about the threat of going to another funeral. His gaze falls over his childhood friend and determination floods his mind.
"Deku, I fucking swear to you, Inko won't die." He barks, taken aback at the resolute in his own voice, "We'll find a way to fix this, damn it!"
It's for the first time in years he wants something, believes in something. It's as though he's living once again, when he's spent years existing, chasing after a goal that lost its meaning.
The feeling is short lived as Izuku's words shatter the illusion,
"Oh, Kacchan…" he begins, tone empty and desolate, "What makes you think I'm only doing this to save my mother?"
Katsuki is too perplexed to force himself to respond. A bittersweet look makes its way onto Deku's eyes as they're laced with regret.
"I mean sure, it'd make for a simpler story if I were only doing this because I was forced to but…but that's not the whole truth, Kacchan."
Dread spills in his chest and he's scared to ask the next question,
"Why else?"
Midoriya's lips curve into a small, sad smile. It looks broken around the edges, like an old Christmas toy that has been thrown away.
"Because I want to. Because ever since they brought me back and gave me this power…all I've wanted besides saving mum was to punish you."
Author's Note: What did you make of Todoroki – I had so much fun exploring what he would be like if he never met Deku! Not to spoil anything but let's just say we'll see more of him!
Huge thanks to: Lokilust, Guest, Gaheller Saberhagen, ererigado, KilluaKagura, viki, Guest, Zionophy, Lollipop12 for commenting on last chapter!
Thoughts on Bakugou leaving his medal to Deku? And admitting he didn't want him dead in the present?
What did you make of that final reveal? Do you think Bakugou can get Izuku's forgiveness once and for all? And how? Ah, I love hearing your interpretations!