Gillian lay sprawled across Caroline's legs, her head resting on Caroline's belly. Caroline wistfully played with Gillian's hair, enjoying the simple texture of it while her head remained empty of thoughts in post-orgasm bliss.

Gillian was slowly doodling on Caroline's thigh with her fingers, joining the dots of Caroline's freckles. It led her to think of other patterns she'd noticed with Caroline, who had become more affectionate of late. Gillian could see she was becoming more comfortable in her own skin, like she was settling into her new job, new home and new, what was she, girlfriend? They'd never actually discussed their relationship after it changed form three months ago, into whatever it now was. Caroline had seemed so clear about them not being anything other than friends with benefits at the start that she was a bit nervous about raising it in case Caroline wanted to stop. She knew she loved Caroline in a deeper way than she had any of the blokes she'd been with. Even Eddie hadn't been love, but more of a mad obsession, a chemical imbalance in her system that played out like an intermittently explosive leak on an offshore oil rig.

Caroline was different. Gillian could feel there was a depth to their connection, an understanding that was more primal than just the chemistry that enticed her to touch Caroline whenever she was close. Caroline knew all of her secrets, knew she'd murdered Eddie, and still Caroline was here, naked and vulnerable in her bed. She'd never felt understood before, like she could really be herself without the fear of judgement, without needing to change to please someone else. It was the most substantial feeling, knowing that someone liked you for who you really were. Gillian felt stronger and better able to cope with life's miseries while Caroline was in her corner. Perhaps it was time for a chat about their relationship, even if she had no idea how to go about it.

Gillian glanced across the sea of sheets to the clock marooned on her bedside table. It was just gone six, so they'd embarked in the topographical exploration of each other's bodies for nearly two hours. A great start to the evening, she decided, as her stomach rumbled its readiness for the next meal.

Caroline's hand stopped moving through Gillian's hair as she slowly awoke from her euphoric oblivion. "Are you hungry? Do we need to feed you?"

"Probably. In a minute. How are you?"

"In heaven I think." Or an approximation of heaven, with cheap sheets and obligations, she thought. There wasn't anywhere else she'd rather be, or anyone she'd rather be with. She loved her boys and Flora, but this was something else. This was something for her and she was finding herself relying more and more on Gillian for comfort and advice as well as s*x. This Friday night dinner and shag routine had turned into something much more complex and much more satisfying.

Something had shifted for Caroline a few weeks earlier, when Gillian stayed with her to help her get through The Anniversary. A day flooded with emotion, somehow Caroline had let something go and she'd felt lighter ever since. It wasn't that she loved Kate any less, but that Kate felt less present with her as she went about her day. She was remembering the happy times more and was less overwhelmed by the sadness of it all. She wasn't sure if it was simply the passage of time, or Gillian, or both, but something had shifted and Caroline felt less melancholy and less burdened. She'd even found she'd been wearing a quiet smile throughout the day of late, which was new. She wore it now, as she lifted her head to look at Gillian.

"Should we get up and get you fed, oh farmer who's been working in the fields all day?"

"Yeah, probably a good idea, Caz. Spaghetti Bolognese and a salad okay with you?"

"Sure. Let's do it."

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Caroline and Gillian snuggled on the couch in the lounge room after dinner. Absentmindedly watching the images flicker on the Tele, Caroline was more interested in the taste of the full-bodied red in her mouth before she swallowed it.

Gillian was lazily playing with Caroline's other hand while they discussed the week. "So it's been busy, with the lambing an' all. Thank heavens none were close when I went 'round 'em this aft'." She pulled in Caroline's hand to gently kiss the fresh scar and bruise becoming more colourful by the day. "So tell me what happened?"

Caroline sighed. "One of the students was beaten up for being queer and I dodged a stapler from one of the little pricks. As a result, I am going to have to do more to support the LGBTIQ students at school." She had been thinking about the last few days and had come to the conclusion that she needed to be publicly visible as a lesbian at the school. She wasn't looking forward to stepping into that role again, but she could see no other viable option.

"What are you going to do?"

"We're going to start an LGBTIQ club for the school. I've talked about it with some of the other teachers and there's a lot of support, even amongst the fairly conservative teachers. This incident has really highlighted the need for the anti-bullying program and for more active support for the queer students."

Caroline looked at Gillian. "I'm going to have to come out at school." She sighed again, feeling the weight of history from Sulgrave Heath descending on her shoulders. "It's been lovely not being the 'Lesbian Head Teacher' and just being the 'Head Teacher' for a while. Some teachers know, but no one has said anything and it isn't known amongst the students, I gather." Caroline chuckled. "Sheryl is very handy to have onside; she hears all the gossip, from the staff and the students - I just have to be careful not to say anything worth hearing by the others," she grinned slyly.

Gillian knew how hard it was for Caroline to come out of the closet officially again. She knew Caroline still had a lot of fear to overcome, so coming out and challenging heteronormative assumptions was always going to be hard for her. Caroline may not have the strength to come out of the closet for herself, but to protect her students, she'd do so in a heartbeat. It was very Caroline. This strength was evident in a lot of things Caroline did and it was one of the many reasons Gillian loved her.

Gillian kissed Caroline's hand. "You'll be great. It'll make such a difference to the students knowing they have support all the way up the tree."

Caroline nodded. "I know. I gave a speech about it in assembly yesterday, but we'll need to set up the LGBTIQ club as soon as we can. We've put posters around the school, but some little sh*t is taking them down. I've said that anyone found taking them down or defacing them gets an automatic detention. Zero bloody tolerance as far as I'm concerned." She took a large gulp of wine and breathed out slowly, the steel in her gaze softening as she did.

Caroline continued, "I did want to tell you because by next week it will become better known around here that I'm a lesbian, and you may be tagged with 'guilt by association' when we go out together."

Gillian sniggered. "Well, we are shagging, so yeah. Call me guilty as f**k!"

Caroline snorted, "I guess we could call it that, considering you were seeing if your tongue could reach my ovaries this afternoon."

"B*tch!" Gillian squealed and pounced on Caroline, going for her ticklish ribcage with a vengeance. "Ha! Gotcha, you mongrel tw*t."

Caroline was doubled-over laughing, trying unsuccessfully to defend herself from Gillian's faster fingers. It was only when she could no longer breathe and she managed to squeak out, "Truce!" that Gillian stopped the tickling. They lay there for a moment laughing, recovering their breath.

Gillian moved up Caroline's body, her weight on her arms, as she lowered herself to kiss Caroline sweetly.

"I love you Caroline. I'm so proud of you. They are so lucky to have you as Head Teacher."

Caroline froze for a moment, and then softened into Gillian. She raised her hand to stroke Gillian's face and then tenderly kissed her. The kiss deepened, but it was affectionate rather than desperate for connection.

Gillian lifted herself off Caroline and sat up on the couch, raising her glass for a sip of wine. She looked sideways at Caroline. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Ignore it if you like." She looked into the fire and tried not to look hurt. She was kicking herself for letting it slip out. She had been trying not to scare Caroline off, suspecting that Caroline was still catching up to where Gillian was in the relationship.

Gillian sighed, thinking that at least she didn't have to hide the fact that she loved Caroline any more.

Caroline sat up and took hold of Gillian's hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you. It was a surprise, that's all." She raised Gillian's hand to kiss it gently.

Caroline knew she needed to say something to Gillian. She needed to explain. It wasn't as simple as saying 'I love you'. This was one of those times Caroline was grateful she'd started seeing a counsellor to help her sort through her feelings. She really was trying to be more honest about how she felt. She closed her eyes, trying to find the words in her head. When she had something close, she gently turned Gillian's chin so that she could see into Gillian's eyes.

"I've loved seeing you every week for the last year or so. I remember when we first met and how difficult it was. I had you completely wrong and I'm sorry for that. It was my loss entirely." She tilted her head, and a small smile crept upon her lips. "You really are a mad cow sometimes, but you are MY mad cow. You drive me batty sometimes, but I love that you dare to drive me batty. You dare me to be honest in a way that no one else will. You challenge me in a way that no one else will. You keep my secrets, and I know you'll keep them to the grave. I love that you're not perfect because it means that I don't have to be perfect. I love all the bits of you, even the chaos that sometimes surrounds you. I love that you cope with the chaos that sometimes surrounds me. I love that I don't have to hide from you. I love that you let me be me. It is profoundly shocking to me, to find someone who will do that. I still don't really understand it, but I love that it is you who will do it. I love that you are so different to me and yet we get on so well. I love your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your strength and your passion."

"It is really complex, and really simple." Caroline took Gillian's face in her hands and kissed her. "I love you Gillian."

Gillian was simply overwhelmed. Caroline had finally felt safe enough to find the words for them both. There were no words she could find to describe how she felt, so Gillian said it with her body. She kissed Caroline so lovingly that there could be no mistaking the emotion behind it. She then quietly got up and held her hand out to Caroline, looking at her with such devotion that Caroline couldn't breath for a moment.

Caroline stood up, took Gillian's hand and followed her up the stairs to the bedroom.

Once the door was shut behind them, the women took their time undressing one another, appreciating the small details, the soft sighs and goose bumps and uneven breathing. Gillian led Caroline to the edge of the bed and their touches became more heated. Caroline fell onto the bed after a slight nudge from Gillian, her arms extending as she pulled herself up the bed, legs spreading to allow room for Gillian. Gillian crawled on top of her so their bodies were flush and flushed with arousal.

This was different for Gillian, gentler than she'd had for so long that she almost couldn't recognise it. It was no longer s*x as escape. It was s*x stripped bare of performance. It was s*x as connection. For the first time that Gillian could remember, she was making love. It was wholly terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. And when she came, it wasn't escape, but communion that she sought.

They napped for a short while, tangled in each other's bodies, unable to separate even for a moment this time. It was Caroline who woke first, aware that her curfew was approaching. She was going to have to do something about that, as inconvenient as it would be to make their relationship known. It really had got to that stage; telling people was the next step.

Caroline did think it meant that they could have more time together and there were great benefits to that. She sighed happily, thinking of how lovely it would be to wake up next to Gillian in the mornings. She snuggled into Gillian, the smile on her face growing.

Gillian snorted herself awake, startling Caroline into laughter. "What's...are you okay?"

Gillian lay there, a bit bamboozled, blinking. She turned to look at Caroline, "I were having this mad dream that we were on a cruise and it were this never ending party and we kept sneaking off to have s*x. I've no idea why I dreamt that. What's that about?"

"At a guess, it means that we've been sneaking off to have s*x." Caroline had a sly grin on her face. "Just guessing."

"Well, sure, I got that bit." Gillian looked at her like she was being obvious. "But why a cruise? Never been on one and never wanted to go. I'm totally confused by that."

"Can't help you there Gillian. I'm a scientist and educator, not a Jungian therapist."

They lay there quietly for a while, contemplating science and Jung and therapy, lost in the rabbit warrens of their respective psyches. One of those rabbit warrens led Gillian to the topic that had been hounding her for days.

"Caroline, do you want to meet more often? I mean, once a week is fine, but I'd like to see you more often than that. Could we do that, do you think?"

Caroline was thoughtful for a while. "That would be wonderful, wouldn't it? I was thinking how lovely it was to wake up with you." She nuzzled into Gillian's neck. "There would be other benefits too, I'm hoping."

Gillian smirked. "That would be nice." She paused, thinking of the next step. "You know, we're going to need to tell our parents soon."

Caroline closed her eyes, shielding herself from the thought of impending disaster, knowing very well that avoiding it wouldn't save her. "Oh god. I know. How the hell are we going to do it? Tell your dad first and hope he tells Mum? We could leave the country while she blows up. I'm going for that option."

"Coward."

"Yep."

"And if we're telling people, what do we call ourselves? Girlfriends? Partners? Lovers?" Gillian paused, the grin growing on her face. "Shag buddies?"

They both rolled around the bed laughing, finding it hard to breath, delighted by the sheer joy of coming up with ever more outrageous names for their partnership. They eventually found their way back into each other's arms, content to have found a safe place to land, at least until Caroline's curfew.

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If you want to read some of the outrageous names they have for their partnership, do switch to the M version of this fic on FanFictiondotnet.