Shitty Christmas Special:
Before ya fuckin' read this. Ya gotta remember that this is a shitpost within a shitpost. This will probably have shit grammar and shit spelling. This is the Christmas Special that nobody asked for. It will gradually lower your IQ if my entire fic wasn't enough. Good luck!
Some time in the future...
Ojiro's POV:
It's that time of the year again. Christmas season is pretty much a great time to sit back, and relax with your family and friends. Well, friends to be more precise. Holiday break at UA doesn't start until next week but we're pretty much not doing anything at this point. Aizawa had enough mercy to actually let us take a break for the rest of the week. It looks like the League of Villains are also taking a break from attacking us weekly. Okay, that's an overstatement. They've moved on to bigger things and now that All Might is powerless, they stopped targeting the school altogether. Last time we saw them was after we arrested that son-of-a-bitch, Overhaul. That being said, we're playing a bit of a Secret Santa or whatever you call it. Tooru's still getting used to all this holiday things.
"So we give gifts to each other?"
"That's pretty much the case." I explained while rubbing Eri's head. She's staying with us in the dorms from now on since we moved in. She still goes to her elementary school though and everyone greatly missed her. "What gift would you like, Mash?"
"Anything's fine. I'm not that picky."
"FUCKING FUCK!" There's Bakugou again with his anger issues. Ever since that whole god tier thing, he's a lot angrier than usual. Or maybe it's just the holidays interrupting his quirk. Whichever came first. "Fuck happened to you, Kacchan?" That's Midoriya who's trying to keep his friend down. He keeps worrying us all with his suicidal tendencies but I have to admit that he gets the job done.
"SOME ASSHOLE GHOSTS DECIDED TO HAUNT ME ABOUT THE TRUE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS OR WHATEVER FUCKING SHIT THEY SAID!"
"Oh. Those ghosts?"
"Know anything, Invisibitch?"
"Well, I've been reading about some Holiday stories and the likes. It seems like you're being haunted by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Christmas yet to come."
"CAN'T EVEN CALL THE THIRD ONE FUTURE? FUCKING GHOSTS. WHERE'S EDGEBIRD ANYWAY?"
"I am right here, Bakugou."
"HELP ME EXORCISE THOSE FUCKERS OUT OF MY FUCKING ROOM. I ALREADY KNOW THE TRUE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS. GIVING SHIT AND ALL THAT. IN FACT, I BOUGHT YOU A FUCKING MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SHIT JUST FOR THE SHITS."
"Didn't you get that from Camie, Kacchan?" That's a sly way to say that Bakugou's got a crush. "Wait, Bakugou has a girl?" There she is, Mina Ashido. She's the Gossip Queen of our class. Always looking who's dating who. "Why is the explody man so loud, Mash?"
"Don't worry, Eri. I'll make sure he keeps quiet." I put her down the kotatsu I bought for the whole class to use and grabbed Bakugou by the shoulder. "Fuck you want, Monkey?" I pointed my thumb directly at Eri. "She's trying to sleep. Keep it down, Bakugou."
"Could've just told me that she was here. Would have saved me the trouble of CUSSING OUT THOSE STUPID FREAKING FREAKS!"
"Oh great, you sounding like that one kid from Herotube, Kacchan."
"SHUT YOUR FREAK UP, DEKU!" Midoriya points emotionlessly at Bakugou while looking towards everybody else. "See?"
"WHAT-FREAKING-EVER, BUTTHOLE!" I don't know if I should take him seriously, but he's really funny when he's trying not to swear. "WHAT ARE YOU FREAKS LOOKING AT?" That got a laugh out of everyone. "Can't swear around a kid can you, Kacchan?"
"Oh go fudge yourself, Deku. I got ghosts to deal with right now so fudge off, you silly goose." Silly goose got everyone laughing again. "OH GOD HE'S FUNNIER WHEN HE SAYS THAT!"
"LET'S JUST GET BACK TO THE FREAKING MATTER AT HAND, OKAY," Okay he's getting embarrassed. Pissed and embarrassed usually doesn't go well together. "THERE ARE FREAKING GHOSTS IN MY ROOM TO HAUNT ME FOR NO FUDGING REASON!"
"What do you want us to do about it? Call Ghostbusters? Do we even know a ghost expert?"
"How about that one girl from Class 1b?"
"Ehem."
"Yeah, who was she again?"
"Ehem."
"Guys, I think Tokoyami's trying to get our attention."
"Fudge you want, Edgebird?"
"Might I remind you that Dark Shadow and I are experts in ghosts."
"Oh really, how do I expel these ghosts anyway."
"Well according to the show "Supernatural", we just nee-"
"Okay, who's that girl from Class 1B again?" Brutal but quite right. You can't trust a TV show to exorcise ghosts for you anyway. "I think her name is Reiko Yanagi!"
"Just cause she acts like a ghost doesn't mean she's a ghost expert, you know."
"Explain why she's dressed as a member of Ghostbusters for Halloween."
"Fair enough. She's in the dorms, right?"
"Okay no seriously, why is Bakugou being haunted by the Christmas Ghosts." Kaminari still hasn't caught wind on what was happening. Huh, must've fried his brain trying to charge his girlfriend's phone again.
"Bullshit reasoning."
"That doesn't explain anything at all!"
"Shut up and keep charging my phone, Jammingwhey."
"Ok, Kyo…"
Poor Kaminari. Used as a charger by his girlfriend. I don't think he's complaining though. I remember that time they got caught by Sir Aizawa at the training camp but I digress. "OKAY, SO, FIRST OF FREAKING ALL, WE GOT A GHOST EXPERT ON 1B. ARE YOU SURE SHE KNOWS WHAT THE FUDGE SHE'S DOING? IF SHE GETS SOME FREAKING IDEAS FROM GHOSTBUSTERS, I'M GONNA BLOW THIS ENTIRE BUILDING UP TO MAKE SURE THOSE GHOSTS DON'T COME BACK."
"I have been summoned." Suddenly, Yanagi appeared behind Bakugou and nobody noticed. "WHEN THE FREAK DID YOU GET HERE?"
"I've noticed ghostly presences. I've brought my camera to take a picture of the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Christmas yet to come."
"JUST CALL IT CHRISTMAS FUTURE!"
"Actually, I'm sure Christmas yet to come identifies itself as a female."
"FINE! JUST AND EXCUSE FOR ME TO CALL IT AN OLD HAG INSTEAD OF AN OLD FA-" Midoriya quickly covers Bakugou's mouth from doing anymore damage. I don't really know why they don't say that word. If they keep swearing, why not go all the way? Eh, I'm no expert so I'm not gonna complain about it. "Not in front of the kid, Kacchan."
"Right… I forgot." He quickly calmed down a bit. Calmed down is questionable and is measured by a Bakugou scale, by the way. "ANY-FREAKING-WAY, LET'S HEAD UP TO MY ROOM! WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO, GHOSTFACE?"
"I'll take a pic and then throw some anointed water. Those tends to make ghosts get away."
"JUST REMEMBER, I AM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAID THAT I WILL BLOW THIS BUILDING UP WHEN IT DOESN'T WORK!" And with that, he pulls Yanagi upstairs. Midoriya stood up again with excitement in his eyes. "I'll be right back, Mei. I gotta see this."
"If stuff hits the fan, call me. I've had my fair share with fighting Holiday figures."
"That one guy dressed up in a Dia De Los Muertos skeleton doesn't count, Mei, and you know it." Seriously, how come these three gets interesting lives? Eh, nevermind. I'm not the type to go for crazy. Then again, I got Monkey King powers so my statement is probably invalid.
Izuku's POV:
"Yo, wait up."
"Deku, if you're here to snark about bullshit, I politely suggest for you to fuck off."
"Nah, I'm here to see this shit. There's a chance that they'll start levitating shit or send you back, or forward in time. I just gotta see this."
"Whatever," He opens the door to his room and… nothing. "THE FUCK?! WHERE ARE THEY?"
"Are you sure that you're not hallucinating?"
"IF I WAS, I WOULDN'T WASTE MY TIME AND ASK FOR GHOST EXPERTS, DON'T I?"
"Fair enough." I quiet down a bit to hear some cheers at a distance. "Sounds like it's coming from the girl's side. We should check it out, explosions."
"LEAD THE FUCKING WAY, GHOST GIRL! NO ONE'S DUMB ENOUGH TO PARTY INSIDE THEIR OWN ROOM, ANYWAY!" We followed the noise. It keeps getting louder but we still can't comprehend what was being said. We knew it was the ghosts from the voice alone but still, why would they even be cheering? We kept following the noise until we finally made it to the source. It's surprising that it came from Chestnut's room. "ROUND FACE? SERIOUSLY? WHAT ARE THEY HAUNTING HER FOR?"
"They're more likely cheering for her though."
"NO ONE ASKED YOU, DEKU!"
"Hey, you're the guy with ghost problems. Let's just deal with this, aight? We can't just go knocking in on this one. We have to knock the door down, and take the ghosts by surprise. You with me on this one?"
"AS LONG AS YOU'RE THE ONE PAYING FOR THE FUCKI- wait, let's do "Get Help"."
Oh god. That shit again. It was not, in anyway, fun. It's fucking embarrassing. "Get help?"
"Not important, Yanagi."
"Let's do it, Deku. You fucking owe me."
"We are not doing get help."
"I'll make Kirishima do a cover of that one song about Gaston but with my name on it. To sweeten the deal, we'll recreate that fucking scene."
"Deal." And with that, I quickly pretended to pass out. I opened my eyes for a bit as Kacchan helped me up, make the most worried face he can do, and kicked down the door. I could see Chestnut chugging down a large amount of eggnog while the ghosts cheer her on.
"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHU- Wait, what?"
"GET HELP! PLEASE! THIS BITCH IS DYING! HELP HIM!" And with that, he chucked me towards the ghosts. It obviously didn't work since I just phased through them and crash landed on Chestnut's table and got eggnog all over me. Yanagi quickly took a photo before throwing anointed water on them. It didn't work. "Well that didn't work."
"We're not evil ghosts, dearie."
"Well that explains it."
"EXPLAINS WHAT EXACTLY? I'M ABOUT TO HUMILIATE MYSELF WITH THAT GASTON BULLSHIT!"
"Well, they're not evil which is why they won't be hurt by anointed water."
"FUCKING FUCK!"
"To be fair, we are here to visit an old friend," He pointed at Chestnut as I stood up. I took out my wallet and gave her enough money to have her table fixed. "Sadly, her family could not celebrate Christmas due to their poverty. We're just here to cheer her up and eventually join her to her trip back to her home in the next week. We'll be sending them through time towards great Christmas celebrations. We do this every year."
"Why can't Santa Claus just pay a visit." Chestnut quickly grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards her face with bloodshot eyes. "That cookie eating, milk stealing, money grubbin' sonuvabitch can't be trusted, ya hear me?" She exclaimed before she stopped pulling and patting me apologetically at the back. At that moment we heard a large fucking crash in the common room downstairs and quickly ran down to see what's going on. We see sleigh pulled by reindeers made of bones with blood-colored eyes staring aggressively at everyone in the room. Sitting on the sleigh was a slender man wearing a Santa costume while having those white-colored-mutton sideburns. On his back was a sack that was suspiciously colored red. "I'm here ta steal you kiddies' fuckin' o'gans" Oh god, that was an Australian accent. Way worse than Aron's.
"Ol' Nick." I heard Chestnut hiss with venom in her voice. "Uraraka! Fancy seein' ya 'ere. Still on the heroin' business, ain't 'cha? Don't fackin' worreh. I ain't 'ere fo' you. I'm 'ere fo ya pals!" Okay, he's switching between accents. He's not actually Australian. Still, "You fucking know him, Chestnut?"
"Know him? He's mah sworn enemy. Oop. Sorry for the accent. I let it slip when I'm pissed." She's got that demonic aura like she did back at the Sports Festival. Shit this is bad. "He's here for our fucking organs. How did you even get away from him?"
"I fought back." Creepy. "Maybe I'mma sta't wit that lil' gal's kidneys, don't cha thaynk?" Who the fuck pronounces 'think' like that? "Oh no you don't!"
"Paralaysis!" He's intentionally getting his pronounciations wrong! Jegus fuck. "DON'T YOU GET NEAR THE KID, SLIM SHITTY!"
"Not helping, Kacchan." Fucking paralysis spells. We can't do shit while everyone's paralyzed. We helplessly looked on as Ol' Nick stalked towards Eri with his bloody sack. "Well, 'ello there, lil' gal. Ya won't meynd if ah stil ya o'gans, aight? Doesn't matter, actually. Ah'll be stilin' it anywye." Fuck his hard to understand pronounciations. He picked Eri up with his one hand and prepared a knife with his other. How is she having a poker face? She's scared shitless by Overhole but not Ol' steal-your-organs Nick? He quickly brought down the knife for the killing blow but Eri grabbed it effortlessly and twisted his wrist. Hard. There was a large crack in the air before Ol' Nick screamed in pain as Eri judoflips him to the ground. "YA LIL' CUNT! I'LL BE GI'IN YA A PAINFUL DAYT! AH'LL CUT YA UP SLOWLY BEFO' I GIB YA DA SWEET RELEASE O' DAYT! AH'LL-" Mash didn't let him continue when he punched Ol' Nick in the face hard enough to dislocate his jaw.
"Don't threaten my sister." That was all he said before picking Eri up and heading upstairs with Tooru following close. Huh. Dragons, I guess. "Is that Santa Claus, big brother Mash? He doesn't seem nice."
"No, that would be Ol' Nick, his evil twin brother. I'm sure he'll be coming shortly with you gift soon. Other than that, I think it's bed time."
"Can you read me a story?"
"Sure, Eri."
"…"
"…"
"Don't fuck with Mash's family, I guess."
"A-FUCKING-GREED. I AIN'T SWEARING IN FRONT OF THAT GIRL FOR LIFE."
"'At Ma'i b-oke ah ackin' aw!" That monkey broke my fucking jaw is what he said. Can't really speak much with a broken jaw. "What's happening here?"
"Good to see you right on time, Sir."
"What. Happened. Here?"
"Evil Santa's twin tried to take Eri's organ. Tried."
"Oh." Sir Aizawa then proceeded to kick Ol' Nick in the ribs. "Well, I'll be taking this man and his sleigh into custody. Enjoy your stay at the dorms before going home, kid."
"What about the entrance? Who's gonna fix that."
"I'm getting too old for that bullshit. Fix it yourself, Midoriya." Of course.
So I've been thinking whether I should add this to my main one or to my side fic but I figured that I'm just putting this down on my side fic. The side fic's just some things that we might've missed from a different perspective but are not really that important. To put it simply, a spin-off. What better way to do that than a shitty christmas special! Not one of my best life choice but still. Happy Holidays, guys! Hope you have a great time with your friends and families! PEACE! (P.S. That shit spelling warning is a pathetic excuse to not check for spelling.)