Weiss Reacts to SAO Abridged!

A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! And man, do we have something for you guys today! For all of you guys asking about WHICH SAO Abridged we're reacting to, it is the one by Something Witty Entertainment. And man, oh man, will there be shots at SAO canon right now.

Before we begin, I will say this right now; under no circumstances, ever, will I EVER cover Sword Art Online, whether it be the light novels, anime or manga. Ever. And I reserve the right to take the mickey out of it. *smirk* Let the bombardment begin.

Also, *insert shameless shill about my reboot of Homura Reacts, Homura Reacts Redux here*

DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise we would have seen Ozpin's weapon by now. (Come on, I can't be the only one who wants to know what the most badass of Beacon's Hunters wields.)

Sword Art Online Abridged belongs to Something Witty Entertainment.

All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.

"….I can never understand you people sometimes." Weiss commented, reading a book in bed, grumbling. "Is there anything you do apart from prank people, Yang?"
"You mean there's something else to do?" The brawler shrugged, scratching her head as she puzzled over her homework. "Gah…..damn it, Cindy, couldn't you ease up on me or something? I bought you like ten burritos yesterday!"

"Bribery won't get you anywhere, Xiao Long." The heiress retorted, shaking her head.

"Dammit. There's things I could be doing today. Like watching the new volume of RWBY!" The brawler whined. "You know how long I've been waiting for that? I paid like fifty Lien to see that thing early!

Of course, they didn't believe me when I said I was the real Yang. Pfft. I should have it for free! I'm, like, the main draw of their animation!"
"Well, too bad. Your homework comes before that, narcissist." Weiss retorted. "Oh, and we've got to train for this year's Vytal Tournament, too."
"They haven't decided where that's taking place yet, have they?" Ruby chimed in, an oily cleaning cloth in her hands as she cleaned her military boots meticulously. "I hope it's in Vale this year. It's pretty hard to make it all the way out to Vacuo like we had to last year…."

"You were completely unbearable!" Weiss snapped, glaring at Yang. "You spent the entire trip sleeping on my shoulder, you idiot."

Ruby snickered. "Is that what you were doing, sis? The shippers'll love it."

"Me and Weiss? No way. I'm not into NTR like some weirdoes." The brawler scoffed, shaking her head. "And also, that's foul play, Ruby. Shipping your sister with your girlfriend?"

The heiress switched targets to her girlfriend. "Don't you dare."

Suddenly, Blake burst into the dorm, an irritated expression on her face.

"Yui. Of course. That blasted, stupid, moeblob Yui." The catgirl muttered, storming over to the dorm's desk.

Weiss looked down at her, crossing her arms. "We've been through this. We've already won against them. Please stop cursing the poor girls."
"Not Hirasawa Yui, you dunce!" Blake snapped. "That other Yui! The one from that monster of an anime!"
Yang flinched. "…..oh Dust, what did they do now."
"Is there something I missed?" The heiress blinked. "Am I supposed to know who this Yui is? Horie? Ikari?"

"Kirigaya." Blake grumbled, a disgusted look on her face. "I can't believe….I can't believe some person…."
Ruby motioned for Weiss to climb down next to her. "Come down. I'll explain what Blake's talking about."

The brawler sidled up to her partner, frowning. "What did they do?"
"They had….the gall…..to call her more badass…..than Mami!" The catgirl snapped. "Have they no taste? Mami Tomoe, somehow less badass than a pathetic little moeblob wannabe?!"

"I don't get it." Weiss commented, confused for once. "What's Blake whining about?"
"Sword Art Online." Ruby explained, watching her sister attempt to calm her partner down.

"…..is that one of those anime you people watch?"
"It's an abomination." Blake declared through clenched teeth. "An abomination."

"It's an anime about people trapped in a virtual reality MMORPG." The reaper expounded, in far greater detail than Blake did. "Blake loathes it because-"
"Because the protagonist is an emo teen wannabe who somehow gets a harem when he's supposed to be antisocial and somehow gets people worshipping him like he's the second coming of Kamina because the story bends over backwards to make him look badass!

And it's far too weepy! Too much whining and not enough badassery!"

"That." Ruby nodded, pointing over to her. "That, in a nutshell, is why Blake hates SAO."

Weiss scoffed. "It can't be that bad."

"You really don't want to know." Yang commented with a frown while rubbing her partner's back. "Come on, Blakey, it's not that bad. The idiot probably just didn't-"

"That idiot who dared to say Sachi was more tragic than Homura. Yes, I mean the timetravelling one."

"He what now?" The brawler paused, a surprised look on her face. "He what now?!

Oh, that's it! Blake, show me where he is so I can go beat some sense into his thick skull!"

Ruby stood up, her arms outstretched to stop them from simply running out. "H-hey, guys, no need to go beating people up. They just have an opinion, and all opinions are fair, right?"
"Opinion my backside, that moron needs a beating!" Yang remarked, cracking her knuckles. "Let's go, Blake!"
"…or we could just go watch that one abridged series you guys like." Ruby pointed out hopefully. "That's always a thing, right?"
"….yeah." The catgirl nodded, sighing. "That's probably a better idea than that, Yang."
"…..aww." Yang frowned, unclenching her fists. "And I was looking forward to it. Ah, well.

Always up for watching that one. Is it the one I think you're talking about?"

"…..now I'm completely lost." Weiss commented, sighing as she turned to Ruby. "What are we watching?"

"You'll see. And yeah, Yang, it's that one." The reaper nodded, earning a smile from Yang.

"Oh. Hohohoho. I love that one."
"…well then. If Yang likes it, I'm beginning to doubt the quality." The heiress remarked, rolling her eyes.

"You have no idea what you're missing if you think that~" The brawler replied, winking, before turning to Ruby.

"Rubes! Boot up the computer! Blakey, come with me, we're making a munchie run!"

"…..get me some vanilla sorbet, if you can." Weiss grudgingly requested, looking to the computer as the other two members of the team left to grab food and drinks.

"Aye aye, captain!"

Minutes later…..

Team RWBY was, once again, huddled around a computer to watch yet another video of some sort, with Ruby occupying the chair and the rest sitting on beanbags. The reaper of the team was on DustTube, searching for something, taking care not to knock over the bottles of soft drinks and piles of snacks on the table next to her.

Weiss was crossing her arms, tapping impatiently on them. "What is it, exactly, we're watching?"

"An abridged series." Yang shrugged. "Oh, right, you're an Dustnet illiterate~"
"Xiao Long, I swear-"
"It's basically a shortened version of a show, dubbed over and making fun of the original." Blake explained quickly. "So, basically, a parody."
"Oh, lovely. More parodies." The heiress sighed. "Well, considering almost every parody we seem to read seems to be written by moronic perverts, I'm hoping this one changes my opinion."

"Found it!" Ruby declared triumphantly. "SAO Abridged, episode 1!"

"This also seems to be the only SAO anything Blakey here likes." Yang whispered over to Weiss. "It's….not a good idea to put her in the same room with someone who likes it…."

"Alright." Blake cracked her knuckles, placing her face closer to the screen. "Weiss, I think you'll love it.

The main character is basically you."

The heiress stared at her irritably. "…I have a feeling that's an insult of some sort."

…..

Episode 1

"…advertisements. The bane of my existence." Weiss remarked, irritated. "Whoever thought shoving those things in your face was the greatest idea ever should be shot."

Yang whistled. "Thank Dust for Adblock, am I right?"
"…and how does this person compare to me?" The heiress huffed, glaring at Blake. "I will have you know, I am nowhere near as foulmouthed and vulgar!"

"…..oh wonderful. He's one of those idiots who snarks at everything." The heiress rolled her eyes. "This'll be great."

"That's a pretty long story for a pebble." Ruby commented. "…..who'd ever think that Lucifer of all people would put so much stock into it."

"BallsDeep69?" Weiss muttered, her eyelid twitching. "How…mature."
Yang snickered. "I think it's a brilliant username."
"Yes. Of course you of all people would." The heiress scoffed.

Ruby shrugged. "There's worse. Have you ever been on an MMO before?"
"No, and thank Dust I haven't." Weiss remarked darkly, before turning to the screen and sighing loudly. "Oh, excellent. Now, they're trapped into the game. By….a person who came out from the sky in the form of blood and is insane enough to trap himself there with them.

Great success."

"I still can't believe any of these people haven't seen TRON or Scanners!" Yang cried, scoffing. "You people have no appreciation for the classics!

…..love knows no gender. Damn straight! Also all hail yaoi."

Weiss crossed her arms. "…..unbearable? This Kirito person doesn't seem so unbearable. He seems logical-

…..and he lost it over being insulted. Well then."

Yang snickered. "…25 EXP and a manslaughter charge. That kinda dampers the mood, don't you think?"
"…was that meant to be a joke of some kind?"

Episode 2

"How can he even hear the narrator? And what silent gods? What kind of stupid simile is that?!" The heiress remarked. "Good Dust."

Ruby flinched. "Two thousand people and not even one floor. That's…..horrifying."
"I never understood why these people raged at beta testers in canon." Yang remarked. "I mean…some might be scumbags, but…..wouldn't the people who've actually played the game before be at least worth a shot to winning the game?"

"Are they idiots?!" Weiss snapped. "Not even reading the manu-aaaand of course. Throw the weaklings at them. In a game that kills you if you die. And the Final Solution…oh, how tasteful.

Excellent advice. And this Kirito wrote it? Belladonna, did you just compare me to some misanthropic jerk?!"

Blake shrugged. "You snark almost as much as he does."
"I don't tolerate idiots!" The heiress responded irritably. "….and how, how in the name of Dust does this girl not know how to open a menu?! There's a manual! A MANUAL!

And everyone rushing in like a bunch of idiots! What are they doing?! They have a plan! Did they not come up with a better plan in the hour they took?! How did that even happen?! You can't even exert yourself in virtual reality!"

"Just let it happen, Weiss, it's meant for fun." Yang sighed. "Sheesh."

"…and Kirito, you jerk. Forcing her to trade for it?!"

Yang chuckled. "…..I think they have worse things to worry about, if they have someone hallucinating about Jesus telling them to kill people. That might be an issue.

…..and I think they started Laughing Coffin over it."

"Laughing Coffin?" Weiss raised an eyebrow, confused.

"A guild of player killers. Or, well, serial killers, considering the kind of game this is." Blake explained. "Basically, your typical always chaotic evil wannabes."

"….how quaint."

Episode 3

"…..that's such quality editing, just badly photochopping those blasted hats on everyone and overlaying snow over the sequence." Weiss remarked, rolling her eyes. "I'm blown away."

Yang rolled her eyes. "Can you get any more whiny?"

"Be quiet." The heiress retorted.

"…..assets?" Ruby smiled. "Oh, I got that joke."

"...that's stupid." Weiss started, pointing at the screen. "…..what kind of game manages to have NPCs bad enough they can't even detect that?!

And he manages to program a hundred floors of horrible monsters and a whole world of realistic things. Perfect."
"Eh. Things slip through the cracks." Blake pointed out. "I know the feeling, having worked on AIs. Why do you think Nanami's so sleepy?"

"How much of a jerk is this Kirito idiot?!" Weiss cried. "Are you serious?! Hijacking that Sachi girl's problems for his own…..tch.

And this is the person you compare me to?"
Blake chuckled slowly, withering underneath her glare. "…..yeaaaah, I think that comparison was a little unfair."
"Do you think?!"

"Debt to the in-game mafia? Morons." Weiss grumbled. "Excellent leader. Grabs a bunch of incompetent NPCs and gets himself in debt to the mob.

How has he lived so long?"

Ruby frowned. "You know, the thing that comes next really kinda…..made me sad when I watched it in the actual anime."

"Oh, yeah. There was something about Sachi I was going to tell you, Rubes." Yang snapped her fingers. "…it was something. I dunno. I think she sounded a little like you or something."

"…..sad? What do you mean?" The heiress inquired, blinking. "…..oh. Oh.

…excellent job. You idiots walked into the most obvious trap in the world. Even I would know not to walk into it! Sachi, what were you thinking?!"

"Writing checks their bodies couldn't cash." Yang mused. "Well….poor Sachi. I kinda liked her, you know."

"And people think she's more tragic than Homura…." Blake muttered, rolling her eyes. "Give me a break."

"…and he actually felt her loss? She must've meant a lot to him." Weiss mused. "Hum. Well, he managed to turn into even more of a jerk for losing her…..which is a little sad, in a way.

Please, please tell me this isn't the canon version of him."
"I wish it was." Blake replied, grumbling. "Certainly better…."

"You must hate his canon counterpart." Weiss mused. The catgirl looked up at her and gave her a fixed stare.

"You have no idea."

Ruby, meanwhile, was tilting her head at the screen. "Didn't any of you guys notice Klein and his friends just took on a whole guild and won?"
"Beaten by a guy called 'BallsDeep69'." Yang snorted. "The most humiliating way to go."

To be continued…..

A/N: I'm sorry if I'm a little unfunny. The better jokes of the series and thus the ones I can make fun of are in the next couple of episodes, and I am trying to get my writing feels back, so I do apologise. I also may have procrastinated watching the first new episode of RWBY. A little. *sheepish look*

Also, am I the only person who really liked Sachi? By the way, the anecdote about Sachi being considered more tragic than Homura from Madoka Magica is based on real life; apparently, there was a poll done in Japan about the most tragic character in all of anime. Sachi beat Homura out for second place. For those curious about the winner, Sayaka, from the same place as Homura, won. Make of that what you will.

And, again: *insert shameless plug about Homura Reacts Redux here* ...I'm sorry. *hides*

So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, thoughts, reviews, criticisms and suggestions, and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!