Weiss Reacts to SAO Abridged, Part 2!

A/N: Welcome, one and all, to Weiss Reacts! Well, guys, I'm looking forward to this next chapter. Primarily because I get to go rewatch Episode 7. The one with Lisbeth. Excellent. Also, the Yang/Tifa Death Battle, if I haven't said this already, IS confirmed for a later chapter, but enough about that, let's get on with this chapter! Also, *insert generic shot at SAO here*.

I'm having far too much fun. Maybe I need to get myself checked up.

DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth, otherwise Yang's bike would be part of her arsenal (if a hoverboard is, Yang's bike is totally legit).

SAO Abridged belongs to Something Witty Entertainment.

All mentioned franchises and characters belong to their respective owners.

Episode 4

"…..that dragon looks far too small to be made into a pair of leather gloves, let alone pants." Weiss muttered, staring at Pina. "…and it heals damage.

Are you stupid? Making a rare source of healing into leather pants that'll likely get outclassed?"

"That's pretty awesome AI." Ruby mused. "Defending your wielder from damage, even at the cost of your life….."
"Or stupid." The heiress remarked. "Far more useful to you alive than dead."

Yang snorted. "Oh, great job, Silica, you think Kirito of all people is some sort of heroic knight."

Weiss blinked, nodding slowly. "Huh. So saying 'not your fault' makes him remember Sachi and act nice.

Her death must've seriously hit him hard."
"Much harder than it hit him in canon." Blake replied drily. "And his canon self's less of a jerk, too. How surprising."

"…you know, Silica telling her whole life story to him's going to really bite her in the backside…." Ruby commented, frowning. "…..did he need to know what colour of crayon she ate? How did she even remember?"

The heiress snorted. "A quantum supercomputer? How…hyperbolic. And foolish. Calculating how much one cares about something is impossible."
"…you're kidding." Yang stared at her strangely. "…..please, please tell me you weren't taking him seriously."

Blake sighed. "Rosalia…..you still realise that that dragon thing was too small to make pants out of?! Dust…there's badass persistence and then there's plain malice."
"The Dustnet's full of idiots." Weiss retorted, scoffing. "I'd expect you to know this already…..

….and seriously, how bad did losing Sachi hit him? He's still crying about her, too…."

"The way he's crying, it sounds like something completely different…." The brawler snickered, giggling to herself and earning a smack from Weiss. Yang rubbed the back of her head, wincing.

"What was that for?!"

"For being perverted, you deviant!"
"How do you know I was being perverted?!"

"You're you." Blake pointed out matter-of-factly. "If it isn't perverted, it isn't you."
"B-Blakey! Traitor!" Yang responded, gasping in surprise. "H-how could you?!"

"…..really, Silica? REALLY?!" Weiss glared at the screen. "You care more about your skirt than the fact you're about to get eaten by a giant Piranha Plant-wannabe?!"

"Lolis be loli-ing." Yang shrugged. "….and that is one long quest chain. I can sympathise. Too much Zelda not to."

"…..that's stupid. Who decided such stupidly long quest chains should be the norm?!" The heiress grumbled.

"Apparently, people who think longer games make for better ones." The catgirl remarked. "…..and Rosalia's screwed.

Just look at his eyes."

Weiss flinched. "Good Dust, what happened to them? Why does he take that so personally?"
"His moral code's weird like that." Yang reminded her. "….I'd say it's like a roulette wheel, but that reference is a long way away."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." The heiress replied. "…..and did he kill her?! Good Dust, he's a murderer?!"

"…he is kind of the biggest douchecanoe ever." The brawler pointed out helpfully. "And losing Sachi really did hit him hard….."

Weiss sighed. "Yes. Tell him, Silica. I am still irritated Blake compared me to that idiotic moronic jerk…."
"It seemed apt! And leave me alone, it was one joke, Weiss! One joke!"

"…I guess we learned why she's called Dovahkiin…." Ruby remarked, watching Silica lose it upon realising her pet could no longer be revived. "…she really could've avoided that if she hadn't told him her whole life story."
"Considering everyone seems to have the brain capacity of a lugnut steeped in rust and left in an acid bath…." Weiss remarked, shaking her head. "I can see why this Kirito person's turned into an arrogant idiot.

Being in a world of idiots like that, even I would lose any patience I'd have for idiocy."
"That assumes you haven't already~" Yang retorted, grinning.

"Shut up, Xiao Long."

Episode 5

"Sheeptar the Sheep King?" Weiss blinked, confused. "…whose stupid idea was it to call it that?!"

Yang giggled. "Ohohohoho. Gary-waaaait a second. He's an NPC. Wouldn't he just go back to where he's supposed to be standing around, being all NPC-y?

And ouch, that's a lot of stabbing…."

"He did leave Sachi to die." Ruby pointed out for her sister. "I mean, you'd totally do that."
"….maaaaybe."

"Sachi's going to end up being an explanation for everything he does, won't it?" The heiress commented, sighing. "And to think someone like that would care so much about anyone….."
Blake suppressed a chuckle at the screen. "Did…..did Kirito seriously get stoned? How is that even possible?"
Weiss facepalmed, shaking her head. "It seems Kayaba put in everything he could possibly put in. I bet he even put some perverted indecent functions into this thing, if he put that in….."
"16.5, Weiss. 16.5." The catgirl replied, a horrified look appearing on her face for an instant. "Just…..16.5."

The heiress looked over to Yang. "What is she talking about?"
"Don't ask."

"….I'll take that advice." Weiss nodded slowly, noting the brawler's quick and succinct response. "…..and seriously? How mature. Drawing on someone's face while they're asleep. The pinnacle of humour."
"They do say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit~" The brawler retorted, smirking.

Weiss shook her head, breathing heavily. "…..and of course. Well…knowing Kirito, he'll be right about that person not being dead. And nobody will believe him.

Then again, if he didn't have his foot constantly in his mouth, people might actually listen to him."

"Sound like anyone we know?" Yang remarked, smirking mischievously as she avoided a smack from Weiss.

"S-shut up!" The heiress snapped angrily.

"…..Yoga pants." Blake stared at the screen. "…..I mean…..thinking it started with A to begin with was a little stupid, but…..dammit, Kirito."
"A person died and he's using it to prove himself right. Even if he isn't dead." Weiss muttered. "Wait….wait, Asuna's pretending to be nice? What?"
"Nobody in this series but three people actually have hearts. Maybe." Yang admitted, shrugging.

Weiss sighed, nodding as Asuna proved to be far less tactful than she made herself out to be.

"…excellent job, making a fool out of yourself when you need a murder weapon investigated." The heiress muttered. "Good Dust.

And he's probably right about them not being dead, if that weapon has nothing special about it to kill people where you can't possibly kill people."

"Makes sense. If someone could hack this game, they would've already." Ruby pointed out. "I mean, if you could glitch the game like that, then surely you could figure out how to glitch yourself into leaving the game eventually…."
"Not all games are so easy." The catgirl pointed out. "And with something this thorough and this detailed, I doubt he'd have missed something that small.

Then again, that would make for an interesting plot arc….."

"…..and I already doubt this Schmitt is guilty. Far too convenient." Weiss rolled her eyes. "Not even a challenge to figure out it's this Grimlock guy. The question is why?"

Yang winced at Kirito's description of the punishments that most of the aforementioned Schmitt's critics wished to visit upon him. "Eesh. Not even as bad as what actually happens. Hell, pretty sure even Elf-sama got told to off himself once."
"What kind of a moron is so sad they'd waste their time threatening to kill someone they don't know?" The heiress muttered. "I honestly don't understand the Dustnet sometimes…..

….and Yolko. Good Dust, you overacted that. How much more obvious about it can you get?"

Episode 6

"…..there are dogs in this game?" Weiss blinked. "That…..seems awfully convenient. And painful.

…also, why would he be mad about not being Batman?"
Yang shrugged. "I dunno. He isn't exactly as above it all as he likes to think."

Blake growled, shaking her head. "Schmitt, you coward. You unmanly coward. Offering orphans up to save your own skin…"
"I dunno. I'd be begging if I was in a game where I could die in real life and I had people hunting me down…." The brawler admitted. "I mean, no way would I'd offer up kids- that's just scummy- but…..then again, I'd probably just kick their as-"
"Ahem."
"-backsides. Happy?"

"Happy." The heiress nodded, before her expression changed to one of irritation. "….Piece of Schmitt. Seriously. Piece of Schmitt.

He's worse than you, Xiao Long, when it comes to puns."
"My puns are amazing!" Yang protested, pouting. "Don't compare me to that!"

"…...are you seriously arguing about quotes in front of the people you're trying to kill?! How tightly are people clutching the idiot ball?!" Weiss snapped. "…and Kirito, what are you-are you giving these people advice to get more people to hire them to kill people?!

…Belladonna-"
"I'm sorry, alright?! I've said that twice already….." The catgirl retorted. "It was a joke. A joke."

Ruby shook her head. "Well, Weiss, you have a point…..the whole thing was pretty stupidly planned. I mean, for one, they forgot to clear their friends' lists…and the overacting…."
Weiss smiled smugly. "See? I am savvier about these kinds of things."
"You still didn't see it coming in Toradora~" Yang pointed out tauntingly.

"That was months ago. Drop it!"

"…wait, wait, wait." Weiss held up her finger. "Give me a second. Are you telling me that….this Grimlock moron….killed his own wife because she didn't make him dinner?!

WHAT?!"

The heiress started breathing heavily, clenching her fist tightly. "What….what kind of stupid, idiotic, demented moron would be so stupid as to do that?! Is he some sort of lazy degenerate who can't get up and make himself dinner? Is his mind so degraded?!"

"Aaaaand Weiss has lost it." Yang whistled, extending her hand out to Blake. The catgirl grumbled, pulling out several cards of Lien and pressing them into her hand.

Ruby looked curiously at the exchange. "What's that for?"
"Blakey bet that Weiss wouldn't lose her temper today. I bet otherwise, because, knowing our snow angel, she'd lose it eventually. And I'm richer fifty Lien now!" The brawler winked at her sister. "Thanks~"
"…..dammit, Ruby." Blake muttered miserably.

"…..makes sense. I'd lose my composure too if I just saw a real ghost…." Ruby mused. "…huh. Although how did the knife stick if she's just a ghost?"
"And insane! What kind of stupid society raises such a degenerate sociopath?!" The heiress continued, still aggravated by the reason the crime was committed.

The brawler sighed, taking one of the cans of softdrinks and popping it open, taking a long gulp. "She'll be like that for a while. Anyone know where Sharkie-chan is?"
"Gave it to Cardin for him to fix up after Ruby accidentally stabbed it with a fork." Blake whispered over. "It'll be back later."
"I didn't mean to…." The reaper muttered guiltily, looking away.

…..

Minutes later…..

Episode 7

"Alright. I am…..rid of my contempt." Weiss declared, breathing heavily. "I am rid of my contempt towards the rest of the world, and now I am ready to watch this show again."
Yang grinned, chuckling at her teammate. "Oh, if you thought that was bad, wait until you get to the end of this one?"
"…..oh, good Dust, Kirito's going to do something stupid, isn't he…." The heiress slapped her forehead with her palm, exasperated. "Why did I even bother speaking? I should really know better.

Every time I say something, it ends up becoming true!"

"…adorable boogeyman. So, basically, Velvet to Weiss." Yang mused. "…..it HAS been a while since Velvet tried to kidnap Weiss…."
"Please, please don't." The heiress grumbled. "I would rather that she doesn't appear from the vents above me trying to pull me into a sack to rub her face into my chest again, like my luck seems to go whenever someone comments on things like that…."

Yang snorted. "Chlamydia. Good Dust, Lisbeth. I love you, but good Dust, that's…..that's actually pretty funny."
"I disagree." Weiss replied, irritated. "…..and of course, her swords break the moment she declares they're the best she's had, and now she gets to be blackmailed for it.

…I already feel for this poor girl if she's stuck with this one."

"Hey, at least he has enough of a heart to give her a coat." Ruby pointed out. "That has to count for something, right?"

Weiss exhaled. "…losing Sachi really did hurt him. Good Dust, especially if he's still this badly hurt about her…..

…..I wonder, how might he act if she'd lived?"

"I never did understand why they didn't go through the implications of him losing her like they do here." Blake muttered. "That would've been somewhat interesting, instead of us getting part of an episode of him weeping like we actually did."
"You….really don't like the canon SAO, do you?" Weiss inquired, curious.

"You have no idea."

"…that's a bit weird." Ruby blinked. "…..Lisbeth, why are you fantasising and telling your life story to a guy who just blackmailed you and you just met?"

"She's just way too isolated." Yang sighed. "Poor girl."

Blake's ears perked up at the next segment.

"…..ohoho. Hohoho." The catgirl grinned. "I love this part."

"….so smithing in this game is some sort of rhythm game, Space Invaders clone and a giant mech battle?" Weiss inquired.

"No, but I wish it was." Blake remarked, staring at the screen with awe. "I don't care how overpowered or stupid Kirito is. I don't care how weird the Alfheim arc is. I don't even care that they basically made all of the female characters into his harem.

If this sequence here was canon, I'd forgive it all. Seriously, they even used freaking Guilty Gear music!

This, my friends, is how to smith things the manly way! Although she does disappoint me by not wearing triangle shades like something of this calibre deserves."

"….riight." The heiress nodded slowly.

"MANLY SMITHING!"

Yang smirked. "And here we come, the part that'll make you rethink your comment."
"…..good Dust. Asuna, you clingy girl." The heiress muttered. "You don't even act like you like him all that much and you traumatise Lisbeth over it?

…is nobody sacred here?"
"Nope." Ruby shrugged. "It's an abridged series, what did you expect?"

"…nothing much-wait. Kirito. Kirito." Weiss glared at the screen, clenching her teeth. "Why….just….why?! Why would you do that?

Well, you've probably mentally scarred her, made her swear off friends, and turned her into a laughingstock. Associating her with faeces….she didn't even do anything to you!"

Yang sighed. "Eh. Just goes to show-"
"And are you serious? Asuna, you burned down her house?!" The heiress continued, ignoring the brawler's interruption. "…good Dust, I give up.

Everyone in this series is insane. Everyone!"

With that, Weiss walked out of the dorm in a huff, exasperated.

The rest of team RWBY looked between themselves, shrugging.

"…so." Yang looked around. "…anyone feel like going out for food?"
"…I'll get Weiss first." Ruby offered.

Blake nodded, shrugging. "….why not."

And so, the afternoon continued.

END

A/N: Guh. A bit hard to make jokes about this if you don't first cover SAO, I've seen in hindsight. Of course, with my feelings on canon SAO being made clear, that'll never happen. Apologies.

But, anyway, next chapter, we will wrap up the final arc of Emergence, courtesy of Chris7221, who also gave us permission to do the rest of his fics set in the same verse! Thanks a bunch, mate!

So, I hope you enjoyed that, leave your ideas, comments, criticisms, thoughts, reviews and suggestions, and I hope you have a GREAT day! Until next time!