Just a couple of things I wanted to say…

In case you haven't noticed, I am on this kick where all of my new chapter titles are song titles or lyrics. There were a couple from the song Loose Ends by Imogen Heap, then one by the New Radicals, You Get What You Give, and the past two are from a Matchbox 20 song called You're So Real. All three of these songs are on my Your Basic Nightmare playlist.

In case anyone was wondering, this story takes place in a very narrow time frame, between book #42 and #45. This is because it is after the second Helmacron visit, but before Marco rescues his mom and fakes his own death.

The ending is finally in sight! It's still a ways off, but I can actually see myself finishing this story! With that said, the ending is definitely going to be a love-it-or-hate-it type thing. By that I mean that I will love it, and everyone else will probably hate it.

I am a huge pop culture junkie and my stories are full of pop culture references. However, I basically never try and put those references into the timeframe of Animorphs. In my mind, this story is taking place in present day…except without cell phones. Trust me, it is much funnier that way.

Pretty Girl with a Wicked Smile On

Rachel

Later, it would actually surprise me how quickly I made my decision.

It wasn't something that I should have decided lightly. I could definitely be killed. Or kill myself, since, it turns out, science is not exactly my best subject. And I haven't even taken chemistry.

Not to mention I was breaking several major laws. If I was caught…well, I just wouldn't get caught. That was all there was to it. To get caught could very well mean death or infestation for me and my friends, because there was no way that Yeerk-infested cops would miss the significance of what I was doing.

And I was going against Jake and the other Animorphs, which opened up a whole bunch of issues. Was I a traitor now? Was I David?

I was making an extreme decision. I was taking myself farther in the direction that everyone worried I was going—more reckless, more violent, more dangerous. But I wasn't doing this because I loved to hurt the Yeerks. I was doing it to save my little sister. Right?

Even with all of these things weighing on me, I had already made my decision. I was taking down that elementary school, no matter what. The Yeerks would not get my sister.

I wanted to smash the school to bits. If there had been a morph large enough, I would have done it myself in an instant. But even my elephant morph wasn't going to take the place down on its own. My original plan was to build a bomb. I've heard that you can find that kind of information on the internet, but when I thought about it, I decided that I really didn't want to build a bomb. Not by myself anyway.

I also considered less explosive options. I knew where I could steal a crane and wrecking ball. The problem with that idea, though, was that cranes move really slowly, and I would need to be driving the thing the entire time in order to do the type of damage I needed. The odds of getting caught or killed while driving the crane were very high.

A bomb was probably the best way to go. All I would need to do was plant it when the school was empty, and make a fast getaway.

Which meant that I was going to need to find someone to build me a bomb.

I considered my options. Ax could do it. But he had voted against me, and I wasn't sure that Ax would go behind Jake's back even if he did agree with me.

Erek King could do it. But it would probably interfere with his Chee programing. Even though I planned to bomb the building while it was "empty", I knew that there were Controllers hanging around in case the "Andalite Bandits" showed up again. There was a definite chance that someone would be killed. Possibly me.

The answer was so obvious that I was embarrassed how long it took me. You see, Ax isn't the only Yeerk-free Andalite on planet Earth.

Not too long ago, the six of us helped out two former Andalite warriors that are living here on Earth. One of them is dying from an Andalite disease, and the other is considered handicap because he can't morph and is missing half his tail. Apparently that's a big deal in Andalite culture. Ask Ax about it some time.

Also, I'm 95% sure that the two Andalites are gay. But I wouldn't ask Ax about that. Because the one time I did, he didn't take it too well. Even though I think it's kind of adorable. But maybe that's why Ax was offended—he might have been appalled at the idea of Andalite warriors being cute.

Anyway, we helped rescue one of the Andalites from the Yeerks. Andalites are big on duty and honor, and they owed us a favor. I wouldn't exactly categorize the two as "friendly", so I was counting on the whole duty and honor thing.

I thought about asking Marco to go with me. I knew Jake would have been able to get the Andalites to do it because they considered him to be a prince, which is also important to Andalites. They wouldn't be thrilled about the idea of a rogue soldier going against her prince. Marco is good at smoothing that kind of thing over, and he had more interaction with the Andalites than I did. But I decided against it. There was no point in dragging anyone else down with me, and I didn't need to be giving anyone (including Marco) the wrong idea.

I also thought about asking Tobias. But I knew Tobias would say yes. Unconditionally, no matter how stupid I was being, Tobias would always say yes. So I couldn't ask Tobias.

Besides, I could do this on my own. I could go in and politely ask two adult Andalite warriors to make a bomb for my possibly traitorous mission. All I had to do was be humble, and maybe grovel a little. Andalites eat that stuff up.

Maybe I couldn't do this.

At sixteen, most people have at least started to think about what they want to do when they grow up. Most of the time, I try to avoid the topic because I don't always believe that I have a future. When I was younger, I wanted to be a gymnast, but I ended up growing too tall even before all of my extra time got sucked into being a superhero. Also, gymnast isn't exactly a lifelong career—I'm 16 now, which means that if I haven't reached my peak yet, it will definitely happen in the next couple of years. Sometimes I picture myself as a teacher, but I'm not sure why. I'm impatient, and I don't like kids. And I definitely don't know what I would have to teach them.

Anyway. Negotiating with Gafinilan didn't get me a bomb. But it did rule out a future career option: politician.

"Arrogant child! You come to me without the support of your prince, asking for weapons? I should kill you where you stand for disturbing us."

I was a little nervous, standing in the living room of the house that Gafinilan and Mertil own as part of the ruse that allows them to live in a suburb without people from Unsolved Mysteries following them around and asking them to explain crop circles. Gafinilan and I were both human, but he probably had a shredder hidden somewhere. Not to mention that his human morph was an adult male.

I would have been more comfortable in my grizzly morph, and I'm sure Gafinilan would have rather been in his own Andalite body. But I was trying to pretend that everything was casual, and Gafinilan was, death threats aside, doing the same.

"It will never be traced back to you," I argued. "No one would ever need to know. Not even Jake. I can get you anything you would need to make it—"

But Gafinilan was already shoving me towards the front door. "If you come here without your prince again, child, I will not be so kind," he hissed at me. I dug my heels into his carpet, refusing to give up without at least a little more of a fight, when I heard a thoughtspeak voice in my head.

Gafinilan.

I ducked out of Gafinilan's grasp. Mertil was standing in the entrance to the underground area where he lives.

Have you forgotten that this is one of the warriors who helped save my life?

I swear Gafinilan rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Mertil, she is a child. A human child."

Like I said, it wasn't my negotiating skills that got me the bomb. Mertil and Gafinilan bickered back and forth like an old married couple for 20 minutes until Mertil suggested that perhaps his life wasn't worth even a primitive explosive device to Gafinilan. After that, Gafinilan threw together the bomb in about half the time he had spent arguing with Mertil, gave me 30 seconds worth of directions on how to blow up a building without blasting myself into a million pieces, and shoved me out the door before I even had a chance to say "Thanks."

Andalites.

As I walked down the street, carrying the bomb in the ugly blue backpack that Gafinilan had put it in, I realized that I hadn't timed the whole thing very well. It was only nine o'clock. My mother knew that I had gone out. Which meant I had two choices—not go home and, if my mother actually noticed, risk that she would freak out and call the cops to report me missing. Or I could go home and wait until my mom fell asleep so I could sneak out.

Call me crazy, but something felt really wrong about going home with a bomb in a backpack. But I didn't know where else I could put it. So I took it home with me.

As I was laying on my bed, wondering how I could be this possibly-insane girl with a bomb in her backpack and my mother and sisters didn't even notice, I realized that my left hand was shaking. Just a tiny bit. Probably nothing to be worried about.

Or was this it? Was I finally over the line into crazy violent psychopath Rachel?

No. If I was a psychopath, I would just morph something huge, go in, and try to stomp everything in my path. I was doing this the smart way. I was planning things out, like…well, like Marco actually. Maybe I picked something up when I spent that time in his body.

Damn it. Marco was the last thing I needed to be thinking about.

"You are smart and funny and interesting and you don't take shit from anyone. And you like fashion and shopping and TV."

Fashion and shopping and TV. Not bloodbaths and battle cries. Marco only got it half right.

I want to believe that I have a future after this war. I want to believe, or maybe just pretend to believe, that Tobias and I can have a relationship and jobs and be normal. I want to believe that I can survive without the war.

Marco still believes that I'm that person. Even if he might not be rooting for my future relationship with Tobias.

No. That's not right. There is no future relationship. My relationship with Tobias only works in the present. In the future, if by some miracle the war ends and we are both alive, I will be a human girl and Tobias will still be a red-tailed hawk.

But that's not right either. Am I still a human girl? What will I be after the war?

Marco apparently believes that I can go on and be normal. But maybe he only sees half of me. The half of me he wants to see—the girl that was badass enough to ride her bike down a dangerous curve, but not the girl that can rip a Hork-Bajir to shreds. The girl that sometimes wants to rip a Hork-Bajir to shreds.

I could hear my mom brushing her teeth in her bathroom. She would be going to bed soon. I only needed to wait another half hour or so.

"You and Tobias don't make sense."

Marco was wrong. He didn't get it. Tobias sees the other half of me—the warrior. Tobias and I wouldn't be together if I was still just the girl that loved to shop. Tobias and I couldn't be together if I went back to that girl, so it doesn't matter that maybe I can't go back. With Tobias, I don't have to worry about the future because I know there will never be one. Tobias and I can only exist as long as I am Warrior Rachel.

And there's only one real ending for Warrior Rachel.

If I were to be with someone else, then I would need to worry about what I am becoming and what it will mean for me in the future. Not worry. Panic. I would panic about the things that I have done and the things that I sometimes want to do. I would feel the panic so deep in my body that I wouldn't be able to breathe, move, function…

Fight.

I was right to tell Marco no. For Tobias, for myself, for a million reasons.

And for Marco.

I got out of bed and grabbed the backpack. It was time for me to go do the thing that no one else would.

I snuck out the front door of my house, carrying the backpack like it had nothing more than school books inside. I walked the mile and a half to the elementary school. Just an average teenager sneaking out at night. When I reached the school, I didn't hesitate. I had gone to this elementary school. I knew it better than the Yeerks. I circled around to the back, where there was a thicker area of trees. I had played around on a path through the tree area when I was a kid. It was clear enough to walk through, but shaded enough that it would be hard to see me in my dark hoodie and jeans.

I had contemplated ideal morphs for a while when I was lying in bed at home. Anything small enough to be sneaky wouldn't be able to carry the backpack. Anything strong like a grizzly bear didn't have useful hands. I contemplate morphing a Hork-Bajir, but decided that I would have a better chance sneaking in as a 5'8" girl than I would as a seven foot tall alien.

I reached the edge of the wooded area which ended right against the window of my third grade classroom. When I was thirteen or so, middle school but before my run in with Elfangor, I had sneaked into the elementary school through that window. No particular reason. I just wanted to see if I could do it. The window opened easily from the outside. No screen. I had crawled in, walked around the place and then left. If there was an alarm system back then, it hadn't had a problem with my visit. Hopefully I would be that lucky again.

I slid through the window. No problem. The classroom was empty. Probably all of the guards were focused on the cleanup on the other end of the school.

Something shuffled in the corner and I jumped a mile out of my skin.

I noticed the cage in the corner and relaxed. There was a class pet. A bunny.

I couldn't just leave him there to be blown up. I opened the cage and lifted out the rabbit. His soft fur was white and black. I carried him over to the window and tossed him out. I hoped he was smart enough to run for freedom.

I slowly opened the classroom door and peaked out into the hallway. The only light was coming from the glowing red exit signs down the hall. As far as I could see, it was completely deserted.

I needed to get my bomb closer to the other side of the school, where the Yeerk pool entrance was located. It was in the center of the building, in the most protected area.

This was where my plan was getting a little fuzzy. I had to set the timer and somehow get the bomb to that area of the school without being seen. The bomb would need to be hidden so that the Yeerks wouldn't figure out how to disable it before it detonated. I also needed to get myself out of the area fast enough that I wouldn't be blown to bits.

For some reason, I had thought that getting the bomb was going to be the hard part.

I didn't have a plan yet, but I decided to get working and figure things out as I went. That's how I work best.

I set Gafinilan's backpack on the ground and unzipped it. I took out the bomb. It was small and light, much smaller than I had expected. There were wires coming out of it that were attached to part of a digital alarm clock. All I needed to do was attach some wires that Gafinilan had disconnected so the bomb wouldn't detonate early and program in the right amount of time.

I started inspecting the wires to make sure that I was about to plug the right wires into the right parts of the bomb.

That's when I heard it. Footsteps coming from directly behind me. I tensed up. Yeerks. No time to morph. I was done for.

No. That couldn't be right. The footsteps were much lighter than a Hork-Bajir and had to be human, but they had the slapping sound of bare feet on linoleum. Why would a Human-Controller be walking barefoot in the school, without even a flashlight?

I turned around.

Marco was standing in the hallway.