III – Taking the lead, the second time
.
A day after the battle with Sahaquiel
"Hey, idiot."
Shinji cowered under Asuka's scrutiny. "Y-yes?" he replied meekly. "Is something wrong with your bento?"
Asuka stared at him for a moment, her face expression inscrutable. 'Really? I approach him as usual, and he immediately thinks I'm hostile? That I have a complaint?'
She shook herself out of it – 'not the time to ponder it' – and lowered her voice. "No, it's fine, as always, and don't act as if I was about to kill you. I… I know I wasn't very helpful last time, okay?" she paused and sighed. "I wouldn't mind if you… well, if we did it again."
Shinji processed the thought for a while. "You mean the… date?"
"No", Asuka's voice quickly became irritated. "I mean being squashed by an Angel and your Eva again, it was a re-ally cosy feeling", she blurted out in a vitriolic tone, paused, closed her eyes, and sighed. "Of course I mean the date" she shot her eyes open and glared at him as if she was questioning his intelligence. Which, at this moment, she indeed was.
"But you said it was… bad? You r-" he stopped, encountering the Death Glare. "You left… displeased. Annoyed. Ang-"
Asuka rolled her eyes, then fixated them on him, stopping his words right there. She seemed to ponder her options for a moment, finally deciding that she has used enough verbal violence for one meeting.
"Then make sure it is not that bad again, all right? It's not that hard, idiot."
Shinji watched her walk away back to her friends. His heart was racing, and his mind was more than a little confused. On one hand, this meant he did not screw up as bad as he thought he did; she was willing to give him another chance. On the other, this was an easy way to repeat the failure that the previous date turned to; not to mention, this could be some trick for her to take revenge for a wasted Saturday.
On the third hand, she did not seem vindictive. In the past, she would not approach him at all, or perhaps limited herself to mocking him. This time, she could even be called forthcoming and helpful – in comparison, of course.
He sighed heavily, forgetting the bento in front of him. 'I could use some advice… but from whom? Toji and Kensuke are out of the question unless I want a lot of questions and no advice… I could ask Hikari, but I guess that'd mean mostly comments about propriety and 'being too young', not to mention she could tell Asuka…' he pondered. 'Misato, perhaps?'
For a moment, he was considering whether the currently-single, alcohol-driven, kind-of-immature Major was really his best bet in seeking relationship advice, but after going through his list of options, two remained: Misato… and Rei. He decided, based on his intuition, that Misato was likely to have more experience.
He was, obviously, not mistaken. But he was also not prepared for things to come.
...
"… and this is how you put it on", Misato reached for a banana to illustrate her lecture.
Shinji was just sitting there, eyes wide, face burning red. 'It's good my ears are not touching anything. I think they are beyond ignition temperature for my clothing…' a somehow absurd, stray thought came to his mind, making him aware that he was prepared for the incoming physics test on thermodynamics.
This all started when he had asked her an innocent question: "How to make a date work?" While he did get some useful advice – which explained why his choice of the movie was poor ("Asuka might be a teenage girl, but not all of them enjoy romantic comedies – I think they're stupid, for example") and that they should start with the movie, not the dinner ("You have something to talk over the dinner, and even if you don't, it's a great conversation starter!"), he also got an amount of teasing about his feelings towards Asuka – and then, The Talk, or, as Misato described it, "an precautionary instruction in case my advice works well, which I am sure it will". His protests that they both were far too young for that were silenced by Misato's claims to know enough about teenagers to know better. His only grace was the fact that Asuka was away due to some business with her friends, so he did not have to suffer her teasing in addition to the mortification of The Talk.
On the good side, Misato promised to be discreet about his questions, or actually not to even mention they took place – assuming Asuka ever asked. He knew this was a blessing, and the knowledge he was receiving would be useful in the future.
This did not change the fact that Shinji would actually prefer facing Sachiel again than to sit here right now and watch Misato demonstrate her great skill in applying a condom to the banana. Her frank and clinical explanation of most common problems that may occur, accompanied by a list of solutions to them did not help.
"… and in that drawer – the second one from the bottom – is the condom stash, should you need one in an emergency. But I'd rather you buy them on your own, consider it a test for your maturity and readiness, okay?"
Shinji nodded, his face still burning. "Misato…" he paused. "Thank you for all the explanation… but I really don't think all this will be necessary. We're fourteen and-"
Misato raised her eyebrows and stared at him with clear doubt in her eyes. "Fourteen is enough for hormones to go wild. I hope it will not be necessary, yes, I am actually counting on your reason and self-discipline here. Yours more than Asuka's, I think. But if you both get carried away… let's say I'd rather have you prepared than caught with your pants down", she chuckled at her own joke.
Shinji nodded carefully. "Yes, Misato. Sorry to take your time with that."
Misato stared at him for a moment, then waved her hand dismissively. "No worries. It's my duty as a guardian!" She smiled broadly, then her face turned thoughtful. "I guess Asuka should get her talk sooner than later…"
It took her a moment to realise Shinji was trying to get her attention. "Yes, Shin-chan?"
"Could you please wait with it for a few days? I don't want it to be too obviously connected?" he pleaded, his face still showing embarrassment.
"You think? Hm, maybe" she paused, doubt in her voice. "But only if you promise not to do anything she'd have to be prepared for on the next date. Can I have your word on that?"
Shinji nodded. "If my word is enough, then yes, I promise", he smiled.
Misato smiled back. "It is. Good boy. And now, could you start with the dinner? I'm getting hungry… unless, as long as we are on the topic, you want to know something more?"
Shinji shook his head vehemently. "Misato, you already told me far more than I wanted to know!" he protested. "Thank you, there's no harm to knowing, but please, don't add anything to this", he smiled sheepishly. "I'm going to make dinner", he added and headed to the kitchen.
Misato pulled a beer she stashed underneath the table. She emptied the can in two moves, feeling like she deserved it. She managed not to show it, but this has been the most stressful talk she had in the last few weeks, beating most debriefings with Gendo. And she knew The Talk with Asuka could be even more difficult. With that thought, she headed to the fridge for another beer.
...
Next Sunday evening
'Fuck. Me.'
Asuka's head met the desk for the first time.
'It was going so well…'
...
Earlier that day
The beginning was, as previously, uneventful. Shinji discreetly followed Misato advice and got tickets for an early afternoon movie – this time, taught by experience, he chose something with a very innocent title and good reviews: "Cottage in the Forest". Shinji did miss one detail, though.
It was a horror movie.
It did not seem like this for the first twenty minutes. The plot was kind of sensational, kind of mystery, kind of teenager movie. And then the monsters emerged.
Shinji suddenly realised this could either go very well, or – knowing his luck – go very poorly. With his brain busy following the plot, seeing all the dark scenarios, and worrying in general, he missed the small fact that Asuka was grinning. Not overtly so, but anyone paying attention to her could easily tell she was enjoying herself.
...
Another jump scare would have probably just startle Asuka a bit, as it was exactly that: just another one. But this one came with a far stronger shock to her system: Shinji grabbed her hand, squeezed it, clearly in fear, and then let go, clearly embarrassed.
'Oh my. Perhaps I should get my hands on some old classic to watch at home and see him react like that even more? Great Invincible Shinji, scared? That's a new one!'
That made her smirk; a moment later this smirk turned into a confused smile. 'Why do I want him to do this?'
She found no answer to that, at least not any she would consciously accept. So she went with: 'Hah, of course. Because I'm braver than he is, and he knows that!'
Satisfied with solving the problem, she returned her attention to the screen, just to facepalm as another protagonist met his grisly death in an extremely obvious and avoidable trap.
...
They left the movie theatre feeling a little bit awkward, with Shinji silently leading to a pizza place. After some discussion they managed to place their order, agreeing it should not be with hot sauce but taking far too much time to discuss the toppings. Taking a seat in the corner, Asuka smiled internally: 'So far, so good. Let's hope this goes well-'
"Asuka…" Shinji started. 'Uh-oh.'
"Mm?" she shook herself from the pondering. 'Okay, you got this, you're supposed to talk during the date. It's just his usual meek self.'
"Sorry for the movie, I was sure it was something far more… innocuous" Shinji tried to explain himself.
Asuka took a deep breath, released it, and repeated the procedure several times.
"Will you ever learn not to apologise? It was…" she hesitated. "It was better than the previous choice, okay? Besides, I might not love horror movies, but it was not really scary", she half-smiled.
"Oh, I was worried-"
"That you endangered my feminine innocence and scarred me for life? Please, Third." 'I was startled, that's different from scared, right?' "And you grabbed my hand twice. What was it? Were you scared?" she leaned towards him, smirking.
Shinji's face turned red. "I was not-" he protested meekly, fully aware he was not fooling anyone. Still, he was kind of smiling.
"Oh, that was a sight, believe me: great invincible Shinji, scared like a little girl. I really thought you would just run away!" She laughed out loud. Small mercy was that the words were kept at the tone of their conversation and no one else heard them; still, they were more than enough to make Shinji's expression drop. He clenched his teeth and managed to maintain a stoic face, but his whole posture screamed about how hurt he was.
Asuka caught this sight in the corner of her eye and suddenly stopped laughing. Two thoughts mixed in her head: 'Come on, fight back, it was beginning to be fun!' and 'Oh damn, did I just fuck it up? No, no, no, no, tell me I didn't!'
...
Asuka's head met the desk for the second time.
'I'm not saying he is not cute with his 'little puppy' personality, especially that he showed teeth several times already. It's… just… so…'
She sighed heavily, ignoring the tears pooling slowly in her eyes. She was too angry to cry yet. She was not sure at whom was this anger actually directed: at Shinji, or at herself.
'He's just so… fuck, I can't even name it. He's so… Shinji-like. I could apply him to a third-degree burn and it would start healing, but if I tried to hammer a nail with him, he'd apologise to the nail first…'
She paused.
'Okay, now I'm just thinking nonsense. What can I do with him? He is so sensitive, so empathetic that I feel like I can hurt him by looking at him the wrong way. How was I supposed to know this was a sore spot?'
She sighed again, shaking her head.
'He wants me, yes – no wonder, who wouldn't – and I wouldn't mind dating him… but not like this! Not when I have to watch every word, not when-'
Her fists clenched.
'-not when he is so tense.'
The memories of the date's sad conclusion flooded back.
...
'I guess this one is shot dead' was Asuka's realisation when their food arrived soon after. 'Why is he so sensitive… God above, this is so stupid… why a comparison to a girl would make him clam up?' she sighed.
'Let's see if I can salvage it. I don't think this is how it's supposed to work… but hey, this idiot would be lost without me.'
"Hey, i-Shinji. Didn't that werewolf look little stuffed to you?" Asuka poked.
"I guess… but some other monsters were quite fine, I think…" he replied in a soft, cautious tone and twitched a bit.
"And what you think of the final sequence? That red button was a bit cliché, right?"
"Y-yes. And it was a little too bloody for my taste", he admitted.
"Hey, the movie's over, there's no reason to still be on the edge, ready to run, you know?" Asuka blurted out. When the last words left her mouth and she noticed changes in his face, her brain lit up with red lights, most of them saying "POSSIBLE HUGE MISTAKE". It was, of course, too late to take it back. All was left was to hope her jab would stir him into action and make him push back.
Of course, she could equally well expect him to spontaneously transform into a short-haired version of Rei. It would have about the same probability.
"I… I know. I won't run" he replied, his voice small.
Asuka could swear she heard the sound of a heavy shell closing. This was still the same Shinji, but what she saw a few minutes ago and this… well, those were two different people. Annoying as it was, she saw the current version more often, but definitely preferred the open one.
She stared at him. 'What should I do now, use a crowbar? No, too likely I'd beat him to death with it.' She sighed. There were several things she could try… 'But judging by my current luck and his attitude, after her next attempt, this idiot would be crying in the corner and the pizza place would be burning to cinders around us. No, fuck that. I guess we're not… what's the word? Compatible?'
She sighed again. There was a nagging voice in the back of her head telling her she is wrong on that matter, but she was simply too tired. She returned to her food.
For some reason, the previously-delicious pizza now tasted like ashes.
...
Asuka Langley-Soryu and Shinji Ikari were walking fast, trying not to look at each other. The situation has been already awkward, but in contrary to most people whose date has gone sour, they could not simply separate: they were living under one roof, after all.
Asuka stopped in the shadow several metres from the door to Misato's apartment; Shinji followed suit.
"Okay" she took a long breath. "I guess I owe you an apology. This whole thing was a bad idea" she finally stated. "No more dates, ever. To make it easy for you, let's say I will murder you – painlessly, out of my goodwill – if you try to ask me again. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Asuka" he nodded. "Sorry about it all", he added.
"… and I may murder you creatively and inventively if you don't stop apologising all the damn time. Understood?"
"Yes, Asuka. So-" he stopped himself under a death glare.
She sighed. "All right. Let's go home. I just hope Misato's out or asleep, so I don't have to listen to her stupid comments."
The door opened with a soft hiss. She entered the dark apartment. Shinji, dejected but resigned to the situation, followed her, hoping for the rest of the night to be uneventful.
And, for once, his wish was fulfilled.
...
Asuka's head met the desk for the third time and remained there.
'He is so stupid! He didn't even question my 'no more dates', he didn't even try to fight for me! He just stood there, with this kicked puppy face!'
She shivered at the memory. She really felt increasingly horrible. He was doing his best, it just did not work twice. A thought that she was at least partially to blame in both cases did not occur to her, though.
'What I am to do, push him against the wall and kiss him? He'd likely think this was an accident, or react in some random way! Grab his hand and make him touch me? He'd be apologising for inconveniencing me, expecting to be hit, and then he would clam up again. He is sometimes so deeply in denial of the fact that if he went deeper into it, I'd call him Sobek! And then he'd miss the joke! Even if I…'
A thought struck her. A stupid, absurd, insane, idiotic, wonderfully simple thought. She barely contained herself and almost cried out loud. 'God above, I'm a genius!'
She scrambled to her feet, then stopped herself mid-stride. 'No, not here, not now. He'd panic. He'll think it's some trick. Let him cool down. In a day or two… yes, he will not even see it coming!'
She giggled, thinking of the perfection of her plan.
'Maybe, maybe, maybe I can make it work…'