Olivia headed straight to the ADA's office, everyone knew Casey practically lived there, and that night it was no different. Showing her badge at the front desk, Olivia went straight up and softly knocked.
"Come in.", Casey said on the other side.
The detective came in and closed the door behind her, finding the ADA with her sleeves folded up, buried in paperwork. It took a couple of seconds before she looked up, noticing her visitor hasn't said a word. Casey's focused expression became a frown at Olivia's figure standing in front of her.
"Can I help you, detective?", she asked in the most aloof-professional voice ever, her eyes and attention going right away back to her work.
Olivia could take forever to process feelings and everything, but once she had made up her mind, she wouldn't waste time beating around the bush.
"I came to apologize."
Casey's pen stopped right away and she looked back at Olivia, the almost distaste expression she had just seconds before now completely dissolved. She looked at her friend with full attention.
"I was an idiot. I… I shouldn't have mentioned Charlie like that in front of everyone, I had no right to do that. And I shouldn't have thrown my own shit at you like that. I'm really sorry, Casey." Olivia faced her friend with steady eyes, making her apology even more sincere.
Casey stood up, walked around her desk and leaned against its front, hands holding the edges. She wasn't that taller than Liv, but she still felt oddly dwarfed next to Casey - it was normally the other way around since Olivia was a kid, always taller than all the other girls at school.
"Apologies accepted. I know you are stubborn and even reckless sometimes, but you are not mean . Everyone noticed you've been different lately. What the hell is going on with you, Liv?"
Her voice was low and calm, the remaining hurt caused by Olivia's words earlier being replaced by concern. Nonetheless, Olivia's determination was slightly chipped around the borders by the question she was dreading to hear. She didn't answer, and Casey's concerned look deepened as she stepped closer.
"You're scaring me, Liv. Are you okay?"
Once having her mind set, Olivia really didn't beat around the bush.
"I have feelings for you, Casey." the way she looked into her friend's spring-colored eyes made it very clear exactly what kind of feelings she was talking about.
If Olivia wasn't so deadly-worried about what the course of her actions would lead her life to, she would have chuckled over the sight of the pale face of the most feared ADA she have ever met turn so red even her ears were bright like traffic lights at night.
The detective did smile a little though, when it was Casey's turn to be completely out of words.
"Weren't expecting that, were you?", she joked to both mask her massive anxiety and to break the ice a bit.
"Hm. No. Not really." she let out a little nervous laugh. "But it makes sense, I mean. Why lately you've been kind of…"
"An asshole?"
"I was going to say absent-minded and closed, but that works too."
The tension was still taking over Olivia's body, but the mere exchange of words after her revelation had helped her tremendously already. She reminded herself to breath, deeply.
"I'm sorry for just throwing that on you like that. It's… it's being really painful, and hard for me to keep this hm... situation... to myself."
She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, looking down to her hands.
"Damnit, you are my best friend, Casey. I was… I am scared to death you would hate me for this, scared of losing you if I said anything. But I figured I'd lose you no matter what if I kept pushing you away like that. And if that really happens... if you do go away, I at least want it to be because I was honest with you. You deserve that."
When she looked up back to Casey, it was just in time to see her friend stepping right into her personal space area and wrapping her arms tightly around Olivia's shoulders.
"Listen." she said softly, her lips so close to Olivia's ear she felt the summer storm thundering inside her immediately, goosebumps all over her skin. "Don't you dare think I'd ever hate you, Liv. I wouldn't be capable of hating you, even if I wanted to. And I'll never want to. Specially for that."
The storm dwelling inside Olivia began to pour outside her, making her eyes burn. The surprise of Casey's close embrace and tender words made her forget to retribute her gesture.
She lifted her arms and wrapped them around her beloved friend's waist. Olivia wasn't used to being that close to her - or to anyone else for that matter -, but she wasn't disliking it at all. She seized the embrace, memorizing Casey's warmth and the flowery, garden scent she brought everywhere with her.
"Thank you.", Olivia replied with a voice slightly broken by emotion.
"Thank you for telling me. I am sorry you felt so scared about it.", Casey said, resting the side of her face against Liv's.
"I still am, to be honest."
"One day at time, Liv."
"I mean about you."
Casey broke the embrace, but didn't step too far away from her friend, looking at her.
"I mean if, hm... If you want to, you know, maybe we could try... venturing down this path?", Olivia asked as she wiped away a tear that had rolled down her cheek, uncertainty plaguing her tone.
Casey bit her lower lip, thoughtful.
Oh please, don't do that to me right now , Olivia thought, both about her friend's serious, reflective demeanor and the way her gesture brought all of Liv's attention straight to her lips. She probably stared at them a second or two more than she should have, because she saw a new wave of flush coming back up to Casey's cheeks.
God, she's cute .
"You see Liv, I've never dated women before, either." before Olivia could even start to feel anything about her answer, Casey continued. "But it's never too late for a first time, I guess."
Olivia just froze in place, like a soon-to-be roadkill under headlights.
"Did you just say 'yes'?"
"I am pretty sure I did."
Used to things always going the weirdest directions in her life, Olivia wasn't sure on how to react when the weird turn was actually a good kind of weird turn. The weight of the world seemed to be out of her shoulders with the light atmosphere between them. Especially when Casey's clear laugh filled the office.
"I wish you could see your face right now."
"I'm sure my 'middle-schooler with a crush' face must be very entertaining.", Olivia said, relaxing a bit more. "I'm, hm… not really sure how to handle this."
Casey shrugged a little in a playful way, showing she didn't, either.
"We could always start from familiar grounds.' she suggested before looking at the clock on her wall and turning back at Liv. "I'll call it a night here. Wanna grab a drink and dinner with me?"
Olivia could not contain the smile, her brow raised.
"If I knew you would ask me out on a date right away, I'd have told you way earlier."
"Did you just say 'yes' ?", Casey repeated Liv's earlier question in a dramatic way, a mischievous smile and look at her friend as she gathered her things and prepared to leave.
"Are you always this funny when asking people out?", Olivia answered her question with another question, the same side-smile on her face.
They were usually at ease around each other, and they did have the habit of throwing small jokes between them, but that layer of teasing was certainly new. Both were aware they were hiding how nervous they were underneath all the bantering, but that was good. It was more like anticipation.
Holding her things with one hand and her coat already on, Casey stepped closer to Olivia again.
"Just when I feel comfortable around the person I'm asking.", she finally answered. Her voice was gentle, just like the little dimpled-smile she directed at Liv.
Goddamnit, Casey. Stop doing this, she thought as her attention was again drawn to the ADA's lips, at the same time she really didn't want her to stop. There was a small pause between them and Casey's expression was a thoughtful one again for a second, as if she was making a decision.
"You know… I will say 'yes' to that too, if you ask." Casey said softly, looking right into Liv's eyes, as if answering what she had just thought.
Olivia had more butterflies in her stomach, flying under that summer storm at full power inside of her, than stars shimmering in the sky.
She had no need of words to ask.
Not taking her eyes away from Casey's, she covered the small distance between them with one single step. Her hands lifted towards her friend's face, light and slow like clouds and resting against her skin, just as lightly.
Casey's expression was serious - Olivia could tell she was nervous. But even with her serious demeanor, her eyes were inviting Liv to go on. She rested her free hand over Olivia's arm, and the detective finally covered the last distance between them, lifting herself just a little on her toes so she could reach Casey's lips with hers.
Thunder and lightning inside her grew louder, and even if Casey wasn't some mythology entity's daughter, she certainly felt like one when they kissed - she was warm and powerful and gentle and sweet all together when she retributed Olivia's touch.
It was a fairly chaste kiss at first as they were testing unknown waters, but they liked the feeling it caused, like ripples on water's surface getting stronger and stronger. They went deeper into it. Casey's free hand gently pulled Liv closer to her body and she felt Olivia answer with her arm around her shoulder, her other hand still caressing the ADA's cheek.
That was a strange land for both of them, but they felt they were going towards the right direction. Way too soon, they pulled away from the kiss, but still holding each other, their faces still warm with red.
"That was one hell of a 'yes'.", Olivia said.
"I never agree with anything half-heartedly.", Casey answered with a tender smile. Wanting to keep things in motion before it got awkward, she added "I hope you still want do have dinner, because frankly I'm digesting myself here already."
"Whenever you let me go, counselor". Olivia made no move herself, however.
She chuckled softly and let go of Liv's waist.
They went towards the door, and left the office, walking to one of the places nearby they usually went to have a drink and eat something after work hours.
Even though they shared that one kiss already - something Liv was more than eager to do for the longest time ever, she admitted -, they silently agreed to stuck to the plan of carrying things slowly. They had to keep testing the waters and try to get used to the idea of thinking of themselves not only as friends , but also as people dating each other . It was probably the best course of action.
The dinner with Casey went by smoothly - much more satisfying to Liv than the leftover she had earlier. It wasn't different at all from previous "just-friends" dates, and that actually turned Olivia's heart as light as a leaf in the wind for good. She was afraid everything would drastically change between Casey and her at the moment Liv spoke about her feelings, and seeing that it was far from the truth left a good aftertaste on her.
On the way back, Olivia wanted to be a bit more with her and offered to accompany her home, which Casey accepted. In front of her building, she turned to Liv.
"Thanks again for, you know, telling. I'm really happy you did. And proud you had the courage to."
"I'm glad, too. More than anything.", she smiled, feeling all warm inside by Casey's support.
Liv's sentence was then followed by an awkward silence between the women, a setting atmosphere that clearly said "what exactly are we supposed to do now?". Olivia tucked a piece of hair behind her right ear. They looked at each other for a moment, and just laughed, clearly shy.
"I'm also glad to know I am not the only confused middle-schooler present, it makes me feel a bit better", Olivia said, playfully.
"Yes. This is gonna be something." Casey answered. She then kissed Olivia's cheek, leaning back with one of those mischievous smiles the detective just recently had discovered about. "Thanks for 'the lift', Liv."
Goddamnit, Casey. , she thought with a wild blush partially hidden by the darkness.
"You're welcome, Casey." she answered out loud, her voice with a small tremble in it, giving her blush away. With a final amused look at Olivia, Casey chuckled as if saying "oh, you", and turned to climb the stairs in front of her building.
From her spot, Liv watched her go - something she actually quite enjoyed doing - and saw her go into her building.
Olivia just covered her face with her hands for a moment, overwhelmed by that entire rollercoaster of a day, but especially at the real-life plot twist that had just happened to her: from being a total jackass to the friend she had been nurturing feelings for almost a year already, being miserable and absent-minded all day to actually telling Casey about her feelings and kissing her and (kinda) going on a date.
She didn't want to jinx it, but she did feel lucky as hell to get such an outcome to that conversation she was dreading to have so much for months.
Turning around, she walked away feeling a warm anticipation she hadn't felt for the longest time.
As Casey went up the stairs to her apartment, she took advantage no one was looking to hold what probably was the dumbest smile ever. That was definitely not how she was expecting her night to end - on an almost-date with Olivia Benson.
It was the truth when she told Liv that she had never dated girls before, and exactly because of that it was strange to her when she felt really compelled to accept Liv's idea of trying out. A good kind of strange, like a trip to a foreign country you've never been before, you feel scared and anxiety is almost always present, but it all mingles in anticipation and excitement.
The way the detective was behaving the past months had really intrigued her, but part of her somehow already knew the reasons behind Liv's erratic behavior and cold demeanor towards her.
She never caught her staring or anything, it really was the way she looked at her when they talked. Or the times when her cold attitude disappeared for a moment and she would just show up in her office to eat after work, or brought her stuff so they could eat together over the mountains of paper Casey couldn't leave, not even to eat, but Liv wouldn't let her skip the meal.
Casey took her keys out and opened her apartment's door. It was no news to her how comfortable the detective seemed to be with her and vice-versa, but after all the bantering earlier she realized how really comfortable she was around Liv too, much more than she thought at first.
She crossed her door and closed it quickly, feeling something warm and soft rubbing against her legs right away.
"Hey, sweetie. How was your day?" she said, leaving the briefcase on the little table by her door and leaning forward to pick up the huge Maine Coon-mix in her arms. The cat purred happily against her. "Let's get your dinner."
She went to the kitchen and put some cat food inside the little green bowl and shook it, showing the pet there was food served for her.
"Come here, Flo.", she called. She observed her for a moment before going to the living room again.
Casey still had some paperwork to check that night, and so she did since it wasn't a lot to take care of. If the pile was really big, she would definitely just try to wake up earlier the next day to get it done. No way she would be able to focus on anything for too long at that moment.
An hour or so later, already in bed with Florence curled lazily next to her, she looked at her ceiling and thought about that night for the millionth time already, still on the excitement rush running through her veins.
She remembered the kiss again.
It was the first time she had really caught Olivia staring - at her lips, at least three times during their conversation. Casey remembered feeling like entire planet systems were spinning in her stomach when she realized she actually wanted it, too. That's why she decided to let Liv kiss her, even after just saying they should start slowly.
Olivia's confession seemed to have opened a gate inside the ADA. She still couldn't put her feelings in order at all since everything was so fresh. Liv had joked about them behaving like kids and that's exactly what they were, feelings-wise.
The situation was entirely new to her, and apparently to Olivia as well. Casey had dated a few guys before she started a relationship with Charlie - one relationship that really wasn't meant to be. She was aware of that more than anything, but she would never regret she had let him into her life. Even though it ended the way it ended. She quickly brushed Charlie away from her mind, not wanting to taint the moment with the melancholy the memory of him would bring.
After him, she dated some men here and there - including Detective Lake - but none of these experiences then seemed to be comparable with what was going on now.
Not only because Casey had zero experiences with women, and Liv was one. In fact, Casey was genuinely surprised on how that wasn't an issue at all to her. As much as she had never seen herself with women before, it just… felt like the right thing to do now...? She really didn't know.
Once more, the ADA couldn't explain what seemed to be galaxies full of feelings exploding in her heart that night. However, it was clear to her that the situation wasn't alike any previous experiences because Liv had been her friend for years and now they would add other layers to that friendship.
Casey felt her face warm up.
She hadn't thought of Liv like that before, but she had to admit she wasn't blind, either - she had always noticed how Olivia's powerful intelligence went so well with her witty personality, all behind features she was finding oddly hard to describe now that she was actually trying to do it. Calling Olivia pretty or beautiful or gorgeous felt out of place for some reason. Not because Liv wasn't those things - quite the opposite, really -, but because any of them would describe her accurately.
It was more like raw, compelling electricity around her presence when she entered a room, as if she was a thunder child, powerful and fearless. A lioness-like strength that was capable of chasing, knocking and holding down men twice her size and weight without hesitation. Casey had seen Olivia doing that a couple of times and she had always found that very impressive.
Even if she hadn't thought of her under that new perspective before, it was more than evident to her that it was really hard not to notice Olivia.
The ADA took a long breath.
One day at a time, Casey said to herself before turning to her side and closing her eyes. Her mind was spinning with a million thoughts at the same time but she at least had to try to catch some sleep.