7
"Hey," Ash's foot nudged Eiji's arm. It kept nudging Eiji's arm until he looked up from the camera and tripod, raising an eyebrow at Ash. Sometimes, he really did behave like a child. "Let's go – I'm taking you out."
Eiji stared at him. Ash was sat on his bed, resting on his hands and looking up at Eiji like this was the most casual thing in the world. Like they weren't sat in the bedroom just to take pictures of whoever happened to walk through Golzine's front doors. He was taking Eiji out, even though Eiji was meant to be spying for him.
"What?" Eiji asked. Was Ash just bored? "Where? Why?"
"The cinema," Ash said it like it was obvious. "You've probably never been, right?"
"They have cinemas in Japan, Ash." When had he started saying Ash's name like that? So softly - like it was something special?
"What's the Japanese word for cinema?" Ash asked. He had taken to that – randomly asking for words in Japanese. Eiji wasn't sure if he was teasing or genuinely remembering them. Knowing Ash Lynx, it was probably both.
"Eigakan," he said, watching Ash stand out of the corner of his eye. He kept staring out the window resolutely.
"You haven't been to a New York cinema," Ash said, he tugged on Eiji's belt loop and Eiji let himself be turned around.
"No. I haven't."
"So, come on," there was no arguing with Ash when he was like that. Eiji followed him from the room, grabbing a jacket on his way by.
"What are we going to see?" he asked at Ash's back. He paused and glanced back at Eiji.
"Does it matter? People go to the cinema to snog all the way through the movie."
"Are you saying you want to snog me all the way through a movie?" Eiji smiled, stopping just in front of Ash so that they were almost nose to nose.
"You are my boyfriend, after all," Ash said. He looped his fingers back into Eiji's belt loops, pressing their waists against each other.
Eiji grinned. He hadn't been able to stop grinning. He put his hands over Ash's, wondering if they should just skip the movie. Maybe they should just stay here, like this.
But he also wanted to go outside. He understood why he had to stay in, he was fine with that – but he was starting to go stir crazy. He needed a walk.
Ash would protect him, if anything happened. He released Eiji a moment later, scooping up his denim jacket as he headed through the apartment. Eiji grabbed his own – well, he grabbed one that he was borrowing from Ash – an orange baseball jacket he was sure made him stand out like a sore thumb. But it was also the one that made Ash smile at him, pausing with his hand on the door handle.
"What?" Eiji's cheeks felt hot, his hands still on the collar of the baseball jacket.
Ash leant over and ruffled his hair. "It suits you. You look cute."
Eiji batted his hand away, pretending to frown. He didn't do a good job of it.
"Shut up, that's you. You're the baby," Eiji grinned at him. They had barely made it out the door.
He expected Ash to frown back, but instead he smiled sweetly at Eiji, his head tilted towards him.
"It's hard to remember you're so wise and worldly when you're so short."
Eiji gave him a playful shove. If they had been standing back in the apartment, he knew that Ash would have caught his wrist and kissed Eiji – on the mouth or nose or temple – anywhere that would make Eiji grin and lean into him.
But they weren't in the apartment. Ash didn't catch Eiji's wrist, he just smirked and locked the door and that was that. He understood why. The closer they seemed to each other the more danger Eiji was in.
"Aren't you scared that we're being followed?" he asked as they stood in the elevator, an Eiji and Ash staring at them from all sides.
"I'll know if we're being followed," Ash said dismissively.
"Do you try to sound like James Bond, or does it just come naturally?" Eiji asked.
"It comes naturally."
He loved this. He loved these days, where they could just ignore the gangs and the drugs and the guns and just – be.
Ash wandered through the streets like they were his back garden. They got the subway further into Manhattan, into more neutral territory. It was easy to forget about everything else. It was easy just to focus on Ash and making Ash laugh, even if it meant Eiji deliberately went stumbling down the subway train. Because he liked hearing that laugh – Ash's genuine laugh.
He moved through the streets like they were his own back-garden, barely looking at where he was going. He watched Eiji's mouth or eyes as he talked.
They stopped suddenly, coming to a halt in front of up to the cinema an old building squashed between modern department stores. A relic of another time that looked completely out of place.
"Is this a particular favourite or something?" Eiji asked ducked his head to look at Ash as they stepped through the doors. Automatic. It looked wrong against the old architecture.
Ash shrugged. He looked at Eiji as though considering something, bit his lip for a moment, then admitted, "I don't actually go that much."
"Yeah, I guess you'd be busy," they joined the end of the queue. It was old fashioned inside too, with velvet rope barriers and old movie posters in rusting frames on the walls.
"Busy, and-" Ash did that pause again. He was standing casually, his hands stuck in his pockets, but he looked almost nervous. Maybe he was looking out for people following. "I never really went - I watch all my movies online," that was illegal, Eiji thought, but almost everything he's done since coming to America was illegal, so he couldn't exactly talk. "It was always operas or ballets when I was teenager."
Eiji opened his mouth to ask how come, and then the answer hit him and he shut it again. He never knew what to say when Ash spoke about It. All he knew was that he wanted to make him feel a little better about it.
"You're not missing much," Eiji said. "People are annoying in the cinema. They eat and talk and-"
"Snog?"
"Yeah. Does that happen at the opera?"
"No, thank-" Ash paused. Eiji got the sense he was changing his usual phrase. "God."
He stepped up to the counter and only then Eiji realised that he had no idea what they were seeing, or what he wanted to see. Ash glanced at the board behind the staff and rattled off a name as though they had discussed it.
"Sweet or salty popcorn, sweetie?" Ash asked and Eiji wondered if he meant to say it or it it had just slipped out.
"One of each and we'll share," he said.
"Clever," Ash smiled and nodded to the guy and Eiji felt a flush of pride run through him. He passed the boxes to Eiji as he handed over the cash.
"So what are we seeing?" popcorn tumbled out of the tops of the boxes and onto the faded carpet.
"Some action film," Ash shrugged, holding the doors into the theatre open as Eiji passed. "It'll pass the time, right?"
He couldn't argue with that.
The theatre was mainly full of teenage boys. A few bored girlfriends glanced across at them as they settled into the back row. Of course Ash had brought tickets for the back row. He was so incredibly cheesy like that.
And Eiji loved that.
He wanted to lean against Ash, but he wasn't brave enough whilst the lights were still on. He felt as though everyone was looking at them, trying to figure out if they were together or not. It shouldn't bother him – he shouldn't care – but he was acutely aware of the danger that came with being close to Ash Lynx, and he couldn't help but wonder if anyone here was going to report back about the two of them.
No, that was just an excuse. He was a coward. He had no idea how to do this – relationships weren't something Eiji had ever bothered with. Now he had no idea what to do.
But if Ash noticed, he didn't care. He kept making sarcastic comments to Eiji during the trailers, tilting his head across so that only Eiji could hear. He made him laugh.
It was all easy. It was like they had known each other years – had been with each other years, instead of a couple of weeks.
A couple of weeks. And so much had happened in that time. Eiji felt closer to Ash than anyone else in the world, but he supposed that was normal. They had risked their lives for each other. Multiple times. He didn't have that kind of relationship with anyone else.
No one else made him feel quite like Ash did. The warmth in his chest and the feeling of belonging.
He was so lucky to have that. He was so lucky to have that with Ash – and to have Ash back. He didn't know if Ash felt the same, but he could guess from those looks Ash gave him.
The film had started, but Eiji was barely able to pay attention. He could see those looks as though Ash was right in front of him. His eyes softening and sparkling like they were full of fireworks as he looked at Eiji. Like Eiji was the only thing in the whole world that was worth looking at.
It was unbelievable – that out of everyone, Ash gave Eiji that look.
He felt something warm settle comfortably on his thigh. Ash's hand. It sat there like it had always sat there, like it was natural.
"Ash-" Eiji whispered, unable to get another word out when he felt Ash's fingers squeeze. His stomach stirred.
"You mean that's not the armrest?" Ash murmured back.
Eiji couldn't help it – he laughed. It was a lot louder than he had meant it to be and people turned to glare at him. It turned into a snicker, instead, and he put his hand over Ash's, turning it over and linking their fingers together.
"Eiji – if I go too far-" Ash started, his mouth against Eiji's ear.
"Don't think about it," Eiji whispered. He turned back and realised they were nose to nose. He could barely separate Ash's eyes in his vision. "I'll follow you, Ash."
Ash kissed him. It only took a slight tilt of the head and his lips were only against Eiji's for a moment, but Ash's mouth was warm and soft and it made Eiji's heart melt.
"I can't stop you from following me," Ash whispered. People were starting to really glare at them now, Eiji could see them turning around in the corner of his eye.
"Nope," Eiji mouthed it more than said it.
"You shouldn't, you know," Ash was still whispering. "People die when they're around me."
He was almost word for word with the movie going on in the background. Eiji wondered if Ash was deliberately acting it out.
"You sound like something from a teenage vampire novel," Eiji said. He squeezed Ash's fingers. "I know the risk, Ash. I've always known."
"It doesn't bother you?" someone 'sshh'ed Ash and he held his middle finger up blindly at whoever it was.
"It plays on my mind," Eiji whispered back. "But, carpe diem, right? I want to be by your side, so I'm staying by your side."
"I can't change that, can I?"
"No."
Ash stopped flipping random people off, cupping Eiji's cheek instead.
"You're unbelievable," he whispered.
"Yeah, basically," Eiji said. It was easy to be bold in the dark, to kiss Ash and feel him smiling.
"What am I going to do with you?" Ash muttered to himself. His hand moved from Eiji's cheek to the nape of his neck, his fingers buried in the ends of Eiji's hair. Eiji just smiled, kissing him again.
His heart was racing, and Ash seemed to know, because he pulled away and rested his forehead against Eiji's. Giving him space. Ash was taking this slow, being so incredibly gentle with him – like he was scared of breaking Eiji. It was a secret relief. He stared at him in the dark, monotone from the light of the screen. His eyes seemed like two sparks. Eiji, against his judgment, was seeing Ash in that suit again. That suit with a gun. An action hero. He let himself imagine another life, a life of 20s gangsters – crime as something glamorous and exciting. Mob bosses the way mob bosses should be – the way they were in films.
No, he could see Ash stood on the end of a dock, staring at a green light in the distance. Ash Lynx at the centre of a party, dazzling Eiji with a grin and calling him 'old sport.'
Something exploded on the screen and Eiji glanced at it. He realised he had no idea what was happening. He decided he didn't care, as Ash caught his attention by kissing his cheek. He turned back, revelling in the feeling of Ash curling the hair at the nape of his neck.
Ash was a lot more interesting than the movie, anyway.
They went to the Empire State building that afternoon. Eiji had insisted, smiling at Ash and swinging his hand until he finally gave in. He was huffing and puffing and rolling his eyes the whole way there, but he couldn't control the smiles. He couldn't control those sneaky glances at Eiji that he was starting to catch out of the corner of his eye, but had to ignore if he wanted to see them again.
"I don't know why you even want to go – it's just a tall building," he said.
"It's the Empire State," Eiji said. "It's iconic. You wouldn't have me go to New York and not see it?"
"It's so touristy," Ash made a face and Eiji laughed.
"I am a tourist," he said. They paused outside the building. Looking up made him feel as though he was going to fall over backwards.
Ash held the door open for him as they walked in. "I believe you came over here on a work visa, Mr Okumura."
"Yeah, well, I haven't done a lot of work, have I?" Eiji walked backwards to talk to Ash, his hands behind his back as he smiled up at him. Ash was smiling back, bemused. "All I managed to do was interview you."
"All you managed to do was get the greatest interview with a handsome and charismatic New York gang leader," Ash said. They joined the end of the queue to buy tickets.
Eiji laughed again. He liked this – he liked laughing that laugh. "He's modest, too."
"Hey, I said no photos of my face, didn't I?"
Eiji felt like that was another cue for him to laugh, but he didn't. There was something in Ash's voice that he was started to recognise. A bitterness that he couldn't quite hide. He paused, letting his eyes fall down Ash's face.
"I assumed it was so that no one knew who you were," he muttered.
Ash placed a hand on his shoulder. The queue moved and they stumbled with it like it was a dance.
"I don't like pictures of myself," Ash's mouth was close to Eiji's ear. Like he was admitting a secret. "I haven't seen one in years."
It felt like someone had put a crack right along Eiji's heart and that beads of blood were dripping out from it. He was never quite prepared for when Ash said something like that, when he guessed, rather than knew all the implications that came along with it. Which was worse – guessing or knowing?
He was starting to figure out what to say. 'Sorry' made Ash shrug and change the subject, like he knew that Eiji was feeling uncomfortable. No, it always had to be something slightly different. Something that told him that he wasn't scared of Ash – holding a hand out for a wild animal to sniff.
"Good thing I left my camera back at the apartment then," he said.
Ash's hand tightened on his shoulder, turning Eiji so that he didn't walk into the other people in the queue, but also resting his forehead there.
"How are you so okay with it?" his voice was still a half-whisper.
Eiji shrugged, a hand coming up to touch Ash's hair, to push it away from his face, but only succeeding in giving him an awkward pat.
"Because I don't want you to feel weird about it," he replied. He wasn't sure if it was exactly true, he wasn't sure quite what was going on with it, but it seemed to be good enough. Good enough to get Ash to lounge against the pillar instead, shuffling along with the queue. "I didn't like pictures of myself for a while. I must have been – thirteen or fourteen? I only just let my sister keep photos of me again when I was seventeen-ish."
"So, I don't get to see photos of an awkward, baby Eiji?" Ash was smirking like a wolf.
"Never," Eiji turned away from him, hearing him do that bark-laugh and ignoring it.
"I bet you were adorable."
"You won't find out."
"Your sister will tell me."
"You don't even know my sister's name."
"I can find out. I'm sure she has stories to tell about you."
Eiji pouted at him. There were. Several. He knew Ash would just laugh and ruffle his hair and tease him about it, which was even worse. He'd be so nice about it. And there would be that look in his eye, that ghost of the person that Ash could have been peeking through. He wouldn't say it, Eiji knew, but it would be hanging in the air. He hadn't been an awkward child making mistakes.
"That's fine. When you meet her, I'll just make up plenty of embarrassing stories about you," he said.
"You wouldn't."
"Well, I can hardly tell her that I'm dating a gang leader, can I?" Eiji smiled sweetly.
Ash frowned at him, but the corners of his mouth were twitching. He seemed to be finding it harder and harder to hide those smiles from Eiji and Eiji was revelling in it. He opened his mouth to reply, his cheeks pink, when an abrupt voice cut across them.
"How many, please?"
Ash blinked, seeming to come back into reality.
"Oh, um, two – please."
He paid with cash, because of course he did. Eiji supposed it was only safe to.
"You wanna take the stairs?" Ash asked, handing Eiji's ticket to him.
"No."
"I thought you were an athlete?"
"Not anymore," Eiji grinned, then shrugged. "I don't really want to get all sweaty on a date."
They were following a crowd of bright eyed tourists over to the elevators, and Ash paused in his step just long enough for Eiji to notice.
"This is a date?" he asked.
"Isn't it?" It was crowded and they were squashed against each other. No one else in here seemed to have bothered with deodorant.
"As long as that's okay," Ash said. He had a hand on the wall behind Eiji, shielding him from everyone else. His clothes still smelt of cigarette smoke from the last time he saw Max. Cigarette smoke and cheap cologne. Eiji couldn't figure out if Ash wore it to fit in or as an act of rebellion. He figured it was both, Ash never did anything for one reason.
"Of course it's okay," it was crowded enough that Eiji felt safe in taking Ash's hand.
He realised it when the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. Ash was still frowning as they were waved through the corridor to the next one.
"Your visa," he said. "Is everything okay with your visa?"
"Yeah," Eiji was only half-lying. He assumed everything was okay, because Ibe had set it all up for him. On the plane, he had known the ins and outs, but he had forgotten them now. It seemed so trivial. "Yeah, I'm sure everything's fine."
"When does it run out?"
He didn't like that question. There was something in Ash's voice that gave him away. He was planning to send Eiji back, asking nonchalantly as if it didn't matter. So, he shrugged. "I'll have to check."
"I want you to be able to go, if you have to."
"Can we stop talking about it?" Eiji didn't mean to snap. He supposed a little bit of him did, though. It was all anyone seemed to be saying to him anymore and no one seemed to listen to his response. "That's twice you've told me to leave today, Ash. Stop it now. I don't want to hear another word about my going anywhere, okay?"
He had seen Ash grinning and shrugging at the outburst. He had seen Ash give him those soft eyes and telling him he was unbelievable and stubborn.
He hadn't expected Ash to look at him with such a serious expression and remain silent for such a long time. The second elevator dinged again before he replied with a murmured, but sincere. "Okay."
It had made Eiji twitch with guilt, and as they stepped onto the roof of the Empire State building he said. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize for telling me off," there was the smile again, and Ash had stepped in front of Eiji to block his view as they headed towards the doors to the observation deck. "Especially not when I deserve it – I didn't know you could be so scary, Eiji."
"Shut up," but relief was flooding through him. He didn't really think Ash would stay mad at him, but he couldn't stand the thought of them fighting. He didn't want to be angry at Ash, for anything. And he figured that being mad at Ash was a lot like being angry at a dog – after five minutes and a glance at him, he would be forgiven. "And get out of the way."
"How much do you trust me?" Ash put his hands either side of the doorway out to the observation deck, to the tutts of people around them. He didn't seem to care, but Eiji felt everyone's eyes on him.
"Fine," Eiji closed his eyes, pretending to huff to let everyone else know that he was annoyed too. But he was smiling, he never seemed to stop smiling around Ash.
People muttered, he stood there, his eyelids flickering as he heard them pass. Ash's hands appeared on his hips, letting him know where he was as he stepped around Eiji. After a moment, his hands reappeared over Eiji's eyes.
He let himself be guided forward.
"I thought you said it was just a tall building," he said.
"It is," Ash replied from behind him. "But, you know, you want to see it, so-"
Eiji felt himself bump into the ledge of the building and his hands found the mesh around the roof. Ash dropped his hands back to Eiji's waist, resting his chin on Eiji's shoulder. For a moment, Eiji could kid himself he was still back in their apartment – that first day they moved in. Ash had done the same thing then and he had set Eiji's heart racing. Feeling Ash there had made him feel so incredibly safe – despite the reason for the move. It had felt like home.
But up here Eiji could feel the wind on his face and through his hair. It raised goosebumps on his arms.
He opened his eyes and the sky seemed to stretch on forever. It was the moment that he was over the bar and all he could see was blue going on forever and forever. The moment he could kid himself he was flying.
But there wasn't the head rush of going back over the bar. He was still stood there, still flying. Flying over the top of Manhattan.
The city looked strange from up here. Less busy and noisy, but he supposed even a concrete jungle looked beautiful from bird's eye view. It was a sprawling landscape of greys, but the monochrome of it all gave it the air of a renaissance painting. He stared at the rows and rows of apartment blocks – so many people with so many lives, and he could stare at it all like a mirage of mankind.
"It's beautiful," he breathed. He found Ash's hair with his hand, ruffling it because he knew it disgruntled him and he would look up. "I can't believe you don't like it."
Ash shrugged pulling away from Eiji and starting to walk around the roof. Their spot was immediately taken by two tourists with huge cameras. The moment was over, now he could only glimpse the view from over people's shoulders.
"What's up?"
"I get vertigo," Ash said, over his shoulder. "It makes me feel funny to stand by the edge."
"Then keep hold of me, yeah?" Eiji offered his arm and, with an especially dramatic roll of his eyes, Ash took it. He was noticeably subdued, at least to Eiji, barely looking out at the city, apart from pointing landmarks out to Eiji. He didn't even need to look for that long.
Eiji let him lean against him and reassured him every so often – he received an indignant snort for his troubles. It made him feel strange, to be the one looking after Ash, but it felt right. It felt like he was repaying his debt. And someone had to take care of Ash. If he let Eiji, then fine.
Eiji would be there for him.