She walked to the Christmas-themed doors and looked at them in disgust before picking up the fallen half. Hoisting it upward, she picked at the middle hinge. It swung open, and she observed it for a moment before understanding how to fix the door. Leaning the door on the wall, she pulled the eccentric hinges open and placed the rods inside of them, then snapped the hinges shut. Then she tested the door.
Well, that wasn't hard. Why had it been left like that? She closed the door and looked around. This place needed a serious cleaning. She would still introduce herself to the ogres, perhaps tomorrow. Tonight she needed to renovate. If nobody else was using this place, she would be happy to call it home. It still had all of its walls and roof. Her alternatives were to return to the tower, or to continue sleeping on the forest floor.
Fiona got to work. As she cleaned, organized, and disposed of, she let her thoughts focus on the bizarre tree stump bed. And suddenly it came to her. They could dig deep into them and make them their perfectly hidden doors to their underground home!
Fiona found herself smiling again as she uprighted the chairs and dusted off the counter. Until her dreams were made real, it would make a fine shelf. But didn't bars usually have washrooms? Surveying her progress, she picked up her satchel and carried it with her down the hall. There were two doors, and she stopped in front of the nearest one, looking up at the weird signs on the wall. One of them read No Skin, No Bones, No Service. Another one read We Reserve The Right To Behead Anyone On The Premises.
The door creaked as she opened it and then shut with a bang. Fiona was not impressed. The room was made of stone, like a dungeon. A very small dungeon. A crude bench was pushed up to the wall, with too many pillows on it. A picture that had once decorated the wall was on the floor beside the bench, its frame broken. There was a sliding Plexiglas window, which was open halfway. Fiona looked out at the view. It was also not impressive; it was just trees and some toppled wooden barrels. Even from a distance she could see they were cracked and smashed. But the room was not in as much distress as the entrance room had been.
Fiona turned to see the door coming open. She and Puss recognized each other at the same time. Puss had to stand on a chair to reach the handle.
"What are you doing here?" Puss asked.
"I needed somewhere to change; what are you doing here?" she echoed.
"I, uh, I live here."
She raised her brows at him.
"I used to work here," he defended himself. "But when Rumpelstiltskin abolished your parents Far Far Away rioted. I lost my job and my home. But this place was still standing."
"Well..." Fiona's eyes narrowed at him. "You could keep the place a little better." She pushed the chair out of her way and walked into the bar. "I tidied up a little. If you don't mind I'll be here during the day. It won't be long."
Puss jumped off the chair and followed her. "How can I refuse? I fear I owe you a great deal."
"You do not."
Puss sighed, and Fiona halted, suddenly expecting him to confess something. She turned and put a hand on her hip, waiting.
He looked up at her. "I have to tell you something," he said. "Last year, I was bringing an ogre to the palace. I saw what they do to them. They beat them, and they whip them, hard. Now, five of those people are suffering because of me."
Fiona stared at him.
"I owe all of you," he continued. "But, I do not think they would believe a simple apology. Actions speak louder than words."
"Then what do you suggest?"
His whiskers twitched adorably as he made his decision. "I want to join you. I finally realize there is only one side."
Fiona dropped her hand and sighed. "I'm meeting the ogres tomorrow. Keep your distance. They won't be too eager to see you after what you did. You'll have to prove yourself. And I know how you can do that," she announced with finality.
"How?"
-x-
Had Puss known the answer, he might not have been so eager to follow through. Alone, he crept through the catacombs beneath the kingdom, and his voice echoed through the chambers even as he spoke quietly to himself. "This was a terrible plan."
The catacombs were very spacious, and much could be done with them. Were Rumpelstiltskin not illegally using the property, it would have been a great space for the ogres. There would even be little traffic, as there was more than one way into the tunnels. Of course the ogres would require torches or lanterns, as the pathways were intersected by long drops into darkness. For Puss, the lack of light was no problem; and his faltering footsteps were only because he had entered illegally on property that had been obtained illegally, to spy on the most cunning man with the most protection in all of Far Far Away. On the brightest day, it was much darker above than inside the tunnel; and still, Puss continued putting one boot in front of the other; a shadow amid shadows as his eyes relentlessly searched the darkness. Out of habit, one paw was always on the hilt of his sword.
Finally, Puss rested his well adjusted eyes on the rough stone stairs that led up to what Fiona had called a hallway. The other entrances had been ladders, like she had said; and so, desperate for forgiveness, Puss decided to trust her. He ascended the stairwell and came into a space that was not much wider than himself, but taller than Fiona. Here the walls were darker, and Puss wiped his paw across the stony surface and looked at his pad. It was blackened with soot. Realizing he was in a fireplace, he continued to follow the passage; until he came to look at a pile of wood that blocked a grate, and his view of the palace.
Puss stopped beside the kindling and knelt behind the pile, peering between it into the fancy dining room of the kingdom. The midget's mutant pet goose was sleeping in her bed, and the room appeared otherwise deserted. As quietly as he could, Puss began to rearrange the woodpile that restricted his view.
For the longest time, nothing was happening. The room remained quiet, and Puss found himself nodding off...
A commotion eventually jolted him awake, and he pressed his eyes to the gap between two pieces of wood to glimpse past the grate and into the kingdom. The only movement came from Fifi who was walking across the room. Feeling exhaustion and the urge to urinate tug at him, Puss let out a quiet sigh that he didn't think Fifi would hear. She stopped suddenly and cranked her head, her gaze peering warily into the fireplace.
Puss hunkered low, trying to hide until he realized the damn goose was staring at the feather on his hat. Sincerely hoping the bird did not have the ability to talk, Puss froze, unable to think of another way to react. At that moment he heard a door open, and Fifi turned her head. Moving quickly Puss snatched off his hat and dropped it beside him.
Fifi honked in greeting as the midget came walking into sight.
"That's your bird?"
"The important one, anyway," Rumpelstiltskin answered the disembodied voice. "Why don't you have a seat, and when I come back, we can discuss your contract. Come, Fifi," he added, and as he led the bird from sight, Puss saw the feline-shaped shadow appear in front of the fireplace. Then, he was shocked to see a familiar tuxedo cat he once knew. What was Rumpelstiltskin going to do to her?
With a birdlike turning of her head, Kitty darted to the cupboard beteen a candelabrum and what appeared to be a gilded globe, or perhaps a planet. Whatever it was, it was shiny; but not even her love for shiny things was enough to derail her intentions. She opened the cupbard, surveyed the interior, and grabbed something, stuffing it into her boot with one paw while closing the cupboard with the other.
Puss was smiling as he pushed past the woodpile. "Psst!" he whispered. "Kitty!"
She stopped, her familiar blue eyes searching the room. Shaking his head, Puss reached out between the bars of the grate. Instantly she was walking toward him. "Wait. I know that paw," she said, and clasped it within her own. "What are you doing in there?"
Puss treated the question as rhetorical. "Do not sign anything! He will take full advantage of you. It may be fatal!"
She shoved him away as the doorknob turned, and she turned to give a strained smile to Rumpelstiltskin as he asked, "So tell me, what are you after, Miss Softpaws?"
Kitty stammered for an answer.
"Oh, are you cold? I can fix that." As Rumpelstiltskin started practically skipping toward the fireplace, Puss had no choice. He grabbed his hat and raced back the way he came.