9

"I had a dream about you, you know," Ash said.

"Hm?"

He curled his arms around Eiji's waist as he stood, pouring the kettle. "In the hospital? I had a dream about you."

"Was it a good dream?" Eiji was strangely unmoving in front of him. There was something stiff in the way he was standing.

"No. It wasn't a good dream," Ash murmured the words against Eiji's shoulder. He didn't want to say them. But then Eiji was twisting around in his arms his forehead bumping against Ash's and his hands resting on Ash's hips, then waist, then finally settled just underneath his ribs.

"Damn," Eiji whispered. "Oh, Ash."

"I saw-" he found that the word didn't drop from his tongue the way it used to. "Him too."

Eiji tried not to let it show, but Ash heard his breath catch. He pulled away slightly, enough to see that Eiji was biting his lip and not looking him in the eye.

"It wasn't your fault. I shot the gun."

"If I hadn't of- I don't know-"

"It's – in my dream – you, you hated me."

"Then it was total nonsense," Eiji murmured, his hands cupping Ash's face. "I don't hate you. I wouldn't hate you – ever."

"Ever?"

"Never ever." Eiji pressed his forehead against Ash's, and Ash folded into him, pressing their bodies flush against each other. He watched the steam rising from the mugs on the side. It was such an ordinary day. Ordinary sun streamed in through the ordinary window.

He was back in their apartment. It was such a strange feeling to be back here. Their normal apartment. Where they had spent the whole summer. Now the trees outside were orange and the sky was lilac, even though it was only half three. Now it was autumn. Ash hated autumn. He hated seeing the world slowly die around him.

Something was dying inside the apartment. Or, not dying, Ash supposed that was a little dramatic. But something was definitely changing. Eiji was not the person he used to be. Ash wasn't either. He felt like he was becoming even more shattered – held together by even less. Now he had caught Eiji with that far away look in his eyes.

But Eiji couldn't hate him. Never ever. There was still the boy who ate vanilla cupcakes on his birthday with stars in his eyes who said stuff like 'never ever.'

"I dreamt about you too," Eiji whispered into Ash's ear, his arms wrapping around Ash's back. "Every night, I think. When I did sleep." He paused. Ash felt him breath against him and remembered to let out the breath he was holding. "I couldn't – not properly. I just felt too wired up all the time. I thought of you so much. When I closed my eyes, I saw you."

Ash sucked air in through his teeth. He could see out the window from here. They were so far away from that railway bridge, the buildings here were completely different. For a moment though, they seemed the same. For a moment, he thought he could see a tiny Eiji staring up at him and for a moment, he felt himself covered in hot, sticky blood.

"You saw me with a knife in my hand?" he could barely hear his own voice. "Blood all over me."

"Blood all over you," Eiji said. He leant backwards, so that he was pressed against the counter. "No knife. You in the ambulance. I kept – seeing you in that ambulance. You were so pale."

"Sorry I don't have your beautiful skin," Ash mumbled. He wanted to press his mouth against Eiji's cheek, open his eyes and see that coffee coloured skin. He wanted to pull away and stare at Eiji's face. But he wanted to stay here, feeling Eiji coiled around him and feeling his weight on Eiji. "Your beautiful brown skin."

Eiji snorted. "But I don't have skin as white as snow, do I?"

"Hair as black as night," Ash closed his eyes, pressing his face into Eiji's hair. He smiled as he heard him laugh.

"You were pale. You looked – so pale. And you were bleeding. And I couldn't help you – and I thought you were going to die – I thought you were dead – Ash!"

Eiji's hands dug into Ash's back, grabbing fistfuls of his t-shirt. He was pressed against him so tightly that Ash could barely breathe. He could barely breathe hearing Eiji take small, gasping breaths like that.

"It's okay," he said. He felt numb, completely numb – like he'd been bathing in cold water for hours. "It's okay, I'm alive. I'm alive – Eiji."

"I couldn't do anything – they wouldn't let me go with you-" Eiji had to swallow several times to manage to get the words out. "They wouldn't-"

"I know, I know," Ash said. His words came back to him. From that first car ride, when Eiji had suddenly surprised him by hopping in the driver's seat. When he had been nervous and his voice was shaky and he was so aware that he was Ash Lynx. "I wouldn't have wanted you there. No offence."

Eiji hiccupped. It could have been a laugh. It could have been a sob. It was hard to tell, but Ash was sure that he remembered it as well.

"None taken?" Eiji whispered.

"It was – I wasn't good," Ash said. He rubbed his thumbs in circles on Eiji's back until he felt his muscles start to relax. "Honestly, Eiji – the nurses – it was a nightmare. They were all over me."

Eiji gave another hiccupping laugh. "I'm sure it was all very tempting."

Ash got the courage to pull away then, cupping a hand under Eiji's chin. "I told them I had a wonderful, handsome boyfriend waiting for me. A gorgeous-"

"Stop-"

"Incredible-"

"Stop, Ash," Eiji half-heartedly batted Ash's hand away, but he was smiling.

"Brilliant-"

"So brilliant that I didn't even visit you at the hospital?" Eiji asked. His eyes were still rimmed with red.

"You were tied up with something else," Ash said. He had a casual tone, but he noticed Eiji glancing away. He tapped his finger on Eiji's chin, making him look back at him. "Weren't you?"

"You know about that?" Eiji gave him a sheepish smile. He was the picture of feigning innocence, glancing up at him like that from underneath damp eyelashes.

"You thought you could hide anything from me?"

"Eiji shrugged.

"Were you okay?" Ash noticed his voice harden and he smirked when he saw Eiji's gaze drop.

"I was fine."

"Why don't I believe you?" Ash tapped Eiji's chin again. He leant closer.

"Worrying about you was worse," Eiji said and his tone matched Ash's. "I thought you were dead."

"And I had no idea what happened to you."

"What happened?" Eiji asked, he hopped up onto the counter and Ash found his hands on his hips, helping him up. He was changing the subject, and Ash knew it. "Where did they take you?"

Ash shook his head, stepping forward so that Eiji's knees were against his waist. "Don't want to talk about it. Would rather talk about what happened to you."

Eiji smirked and shook his head. He pushed Ash's fringe away from his forehead, a soft smile on his face.

Ash leant into the touch, finding his mouth smiling too.

"What matters is I'm okay," Eiji said. "And you're okay and we're okay."

"That's not-" Ash sighed. He was still smiling and Eiji's eyes were sparkling. "And they call me a devil."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Eiji shrugged, swinging his legs slightly.

Ash shook his head again, biting his lip to stop himself from grinning. He wanted to stay worried about Eiji, but it was so hard when he was smiling at him like that. It was so hard when his chest was full of warmth. Being with Eiji, again, he felt like he was buzzing. He had missed him – so much. He had felt it in every inch of him, but he hadn't realised how relieved he would be to be next to him again. It was heaven. This was as close to heaven as he would ever get.

It had only been a week, he knew, but it felt like a year. It felt like a lifetime ago they were sitting in the living room with beers. They had been grinning like this then. Ash hadn't realised the buzz that went through him when he was near Eiji. He got high off of that buzz.

Eiji was looking from Ash's eyes to his mouth, looking hopeful. But he didn't make a move.

Ash rolled his eyes and leant forward to kiss Eiji. It was difficult when they were both grinning.

"I missed you," Eiji murmured.

"You missed me so much that you couldn't stop thinking about me."

"Shut up."

"I didn't stop thinking about you," Ash said. He kissed Eiji's cheek and stayed with his mouth pressed against him. He was so warm. Ash hadn't realised how cold he had felt in the hospital and how hot Eiji's body was.

Eiji was stroking his hair like he was something precious. The idea was becoming less unbelievable now – it was almost comfortable. Eiji thought Ash was something precious, and that didn't seem revolting. It was wonderful.

"Okay," Eiji whispered. "We tell each other everything, at the same time, on the count of three. Fair?"

Ash smiled, taking a moment to pepper the side of Eiji's face with kisses before he answered. It helped to hide the swell in his stomach.

But Eiji already knew so much. Nothing he said now could change that.

And that idea – that was wonderful.

"Fair."

Ash stumbled, rather than walked through the front door. He knew that he was making too much noise, but he also knew that Eiji was a heavy sleeper. He didn't used to be, not unless he was drinking, but since Yut Lung, nothing would wake him. Exhausted, he told Ash when he had pointed it out. Eiji had exhausted himself worrying about Ash in the hospital. Not because he was being held captive, because of Ash.

Exhausted was how Ash felt. His body felt numb, like he had just jumped into the cold end of the swimming pool. The gunshot was still replaying in his head, a faceless killer leering at him from the window.

Someone knew something. Someone was following him.

Or, if not following him, they knew where he would be tonight. Somehow. That was the worry. If they knew about that, did they know about-

"You're covered in blood."

A lamp turned on as it was said. Eiji was sat on the sofa, staring up at Ash. Not shocked. Worried.

"Eiji," he blinked at him. "You're up."

"Yeah," Eiji stood, started towards Ash. His gaze flicked towards the windows – the blinds were drawn and the drapes pulled across. When had Eiji got so trained to that?

"Let me rephrase – why are you up?" Ash asked. Eiji was taking his wrist, pulling him through the flat without a word.

"You think I can sleep when you go away for the night?" Eiji said. He was sitting Ash down on the bathtub and Ash let him. He'd never seen Eiji look like this – there was the smallest hint of anger mixed in with all the worry. "When you go away for the night and don't tell me where, or when you're coming back? Last time you disappeared in the middle of the night I found you bleeding on a subway bridge and then you were arrested and in hospital and dead!"

"Not dead dead," Ash said. "They only faked my death. I was being used as a guinea pig for the development of Banana Fish."

"That's even worse!" Eiji took Ash's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. To realise that Eiji was stressed and that even though he was trying to frown it was really more of a pout. He looked on the verge of tears. "And then you go off tonight and you say you're prostituting and what am I supposed to think? I couldn't stop wondering-" Eiji broke off.

"I'm flattered," Ash muttered. He took Eiji's hands in his, twisting their fingers into each other and smiling up at Eiji. He wondered how it looked when he had blood down the side of his face.

"I didn't mean it like that," Eiji muttered. There was that pout. He slipped his hands out of Ash's and took a flannel from the corner of the shower, running it under the hot tap. "Is it yours?"

"I know you didn't," Ash said softly. He reached the steam coming from the water. "No, it's not mine."

Eiji nodded, pushing Ash's hair away from his face gently. He sponged at the blood and Ash flinched away.

"That's too hot!"

"No. You're just cold, Ash."

Eiji sponged at the blood in silence for a few moments, and when Ash kept flinching he muttered "baby." It stopped Ash flinching, at least, and it made Eiji soften.

"Am I allowed to know what happened?" Eiji asked quietly. There were rings under his eyes, his eyelashes casting shadows over them as he looked down.

"I went to get information," Ash said. He closed his eyes as Eiji wiped more of the blood away. "I had the guy at gunpoint, he was going to give it to me. He got shot."

"Just like that?"

"Mm. Sniper."

"Think it was Golzine?"

Ash hated that name coming from Eiji's mouth. "I don't know yet. He can't have known what I was doing."

They fell silent. Ash hated letting that lay in the air. It was like putting a loaded gun in the room. He was used to the loaded gun – the weight of all that information, but he didn't want Eiji to be. Eiji was getting used to it, to this, he knew it somewhere inside him and it seemed like just another blow against his heart.

He kept his eyes closed as Eiji kept wiping away the dried blood on his face in silence. The only sound was Eiji breathing softly, there wasn't even the sound of a tap dripping or the hum of old lights.

At every stroke of the flannel, Ash felt a muscle in his body start to relax. Safe. Whenever he was with Eiji he had started to feel that warm feeling in his chest that let him know he was safe.

It seemed like an age before Eiji pulled the flannel away. His fingers grazed where the blood had been, tracing the side of Ash's face with a feather-light touch.

"Back to normal," he muttered.

Ash half-opened his eyes, enough so that he could see Eiji's soft smile. He caught Eiji's hand in his, pressing his mouth against the pads of his fingers. They were soft.

"Ash," Eiji was watching him, that fond smile still on his face, even if his cheeks were turning pink. It felt like in the time they'd spent apart Eiji had retreated back into himself. He had taken a few steps back to the shy Japanese boy Ash had first met. He still loved that blush but he also loved the teasing Eiji. The Eiji who didn't give a shit that he was Ash Lynx, he just wanted him to eat his damn breakfast.

He kept hold of Eiji's hand, cupping his cheek with it and leaning into the touch. Soft and warm and safe.

"Thank you," Ash said, and it slipped out before he could stop it. "Sweetie."

Eiji smiled, his gaze like melted chocolate as he looked at Ash. He leant forward and placed the ghost of a kiss on Ash's forehead. "It's what I'm here for."

Ash wanted to tell him then. He wanted to look up and say the words to Eiji. He knew that Eiji would say them back. That was why he couldn't. It would make this too real. If it was real then they would have to pin it down and it would become a thing. Things could end. "Your shirt, Ash."

"What?" he blinked out of his reverie.

"You've got blood down here too," Eiji tapped Ash's collarbone with his free hand.

He gave a dramatic sigh, like it was a lot of effort – it was a lot of effort, as he relinquished Eiji's hand back to him. He undid the first few buttons of his shirt, pulling it down so that Eiji could dab at the blood that had run under his collar.

"I would have taken a shower, you know," Ash said, just to say something.

"So that you could hide it from me?" Eiji glanced up, mostly teasing. "I'd be angry with you then."

"And what would you do if you were angry with me?"

"I wouldn't cook for you, for a start," Eiji said. His eyes flickered up again and he smiled to himself. "And I wouldn't give you any more kisses."

"And they call me a devil."

"Well, they're wrong," Eiji stuck the flannel back under the sink, squeezing it so that the water turned pink.

"I've killed people," Ash looked away from the blood as Eiji came back.

"There are people who've done a lot worse," he said, simply.

Ash's arm wrapped around Eiji's waist, it felt like it did it of his own accord, and pulled Eiji against him. He pressed his face against Eiji's stomach. He could hear him breathing. He could feel it against his cheek. He was so vulnerable. They both were. It didn't take much to stop that breathing.

He could've said it. The words rung through every inch of his brain. Instead, he muttered, "you're weird."

Eiji's fingers were on his hair, just stroking the top. His touch was so different – someone scared of making a bird fly away. It made Ash's scalp tingle with the ghost of a hundred past grips in his hair.

"I know you are, but what am I?" Eiji murmured and Ash gave a breathless laugh against him.

"Tired?" Ash looked up, pressing his chin against Eiji's navel and smiling up at him.

"Well, yeah," Eiji paused, his fingers still on Ash's hair. "Do you think you can sleep?"

Ash nodded. "If you stay?"

"Of course," Eiji was helping Ash up, keeping hold of his hands as he walked back to the bedroom. Ash's bed untouched, Eiji's a tangled mess of sheets. Neither of them bothered to turn on the light.

"You can't sleep on that," Ash said, his fingers trailing from Eiji's as he headed to his own bed. He sat on it, closing his eyes for a moment and seeing blood splatters. It didn't bother him as much as it should have.

"Can't I?" Eiji was standing in front of the bed, looking down at Ash with a grin and crossed arms.

Ash shook his head. "It's a mess. Irrecoverable."

Eiji laughed, he sat on the edge of Ash's bed, his back to Ash. He sighed, his whole back sloping down.

"You okay?" Ash asked, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and pulling an old one out from under his pillow.

"I should be asking you that," Eiji replied. He stood and pulled the covers down from the bed, waiting until Ash had laid down before he slipped in, like a school boy sharing a bunk. Like he was scared they were going to be caught at any moment.

Ash pulled the covers back, shuffling so that he was facing Eiji – so that they were nose to nose. The covers almost covered their heads.

"I'm fine," Ash whispered. "It was a shock, but I'm used to it."

"Good," Eiij whispered. He was laying with his hands by his face like a child, his eyes sparkling in the dark. He was full of stars, that boy.

Ash wanted to sigh. He slipped his arms around Eiji, pulling him closer until Eiji's nose bumped against his collarbone and Eiji was forced to put his hands on Ash's shoulders. Their legs tangled into each other's like seaweed. He was warm to touch, almost like a hot water bottle, radiating warmth onto Ash, heating up his hands and cheeks.

"Night, Ash," Eiji whispered. He closed his eyes and Ash realised just how exhausted he must have been, because it was barely moments later when Eiji's breathing evened out. He breathed in and out slowly, his breath puffs against Ash's cheeks.

He closed his own eyes, listening to Eiji's breathing and feeling Eiji's stomach rising and falling against his own.

He couldn't sleep. His brain was stuck on that moment – on looking out at the buildings and wondering which one it came from. Knowing which one it came from and wondering who on earth it was. Who could possibly be that good a shot? Who was that good a shot who worked for Golzine?

Did they know about Eiji?

Of course they did. They must have known about Eiji.

How was he going to protect Eiji? He couldn't hide him away here forever. He couldn't send him back to Japan – Eiji wouldn't let him. He'd probably get a plane back out of spite and give Ash a lecture when he got back.

But he couldn't be there every moment of the day to watch over him like a dog. Eiji wouldn't let him do that either.

Stubborn, stubborn Eiji.

Ash sighed through his nose and opened his eyes again. Eiji looked like an angel when he was asleep, his lips parted ever so slightly. That tiny part they did whenever Ash leaned in to kiss him. He ran his fingers through the dark hair, pushing it away from Eiji's forehead. It was thick, very thick. He was tempted to plait it, if he knew how to plait.

Eiji stirred in his sleep and buried his face in Ash's chest, one hand clutching Ash's t-shirt to him.

He was a nightmare. Ash should hate him.

He loved him.

He hadn't been quite sure of what that meant – a vague idea but nothing more. Now he knew. He loved Eiji Okumura. He loved Eiji's starry eyes and soft smile and careful touches. He loved Eiji, who stayed by his side for the sole purpose of just wanting to. No one did that. Everyone had their reasons to stand by Ash.

Eiji just wanted to, because he stayed up and worried about if Ash was dead or alive. He worried about if Ash was dead or alive because he cared about Ash.

It was an enigma. Eiji cared about Ash for some reason.

And that was the best thing in the entire world.

Eiji managed to get out of bed to open the door. He knew he shouldn't have, but it made him nervous not to. Just in case it wasn't Ibe. Just in case it was someone like Yut Lung and he just called him in.

Like Yut Lung was a vampire and he could only get in if he was invited.

He was scolded immediately, as he knew he would be.

"Eiji! You should be in bed – you have a fever," Ibe was closing the door, taking Eiji's shoulder and guiding him back to his room.

"I'm feeling better," Eiji lied. His head was swimming. He let himself be sat back down on his bed, but he didn't lie down, he just sat with his hands linked on his lap.

"It doesn't matter. You're meant to be resting." Ibe said. He was talking Japanese and Eiji realised just how long it had been. Ash was right, it was something of a relief to hear it again. To not have that fear that he would use the wrong word or that he just sounded too foreign.

"How can I rest when Ash's gone?" Eiji asked, then realised exactly what he'd said. His face flooded with heat and he backtracked. "Not that he's gone – it was the way he left. He was lying to me, I know he was. I know when he's lying and he told me not to worry – so I know I have to worry. He told me he was going to sort everything out. What does that mean?"

Ibe wasn't telling him something. He had pulled a chair next to the bed. He shuffled and wasn't meeting Eiji's eyes. He knew something. Eiji wondered if he'd be able to get it out of him.

"You can tell when he's lying?" was what he asked.

"Yeah. He goes calm. It's like he's planned it all out in his head," Eiji said. Ibe was smiling at him and he felt a prickle in his stomach. "What?"

"It's just – you know him so well, don't you?"

"Of course."

Ibe shifted again. He reached over and placed his hand over Eiji's.

"There's a lot you haven't been telling me, Eiji."

"What do you mean?" Ejii's hand twitched. He knew exactly what Ibe meant, but he couldn't bring himself to admit it. It meant coming back to reality. It meant admitting that being with Ash was dangerous and that he was in danger. What he was doing was dangerous. He hadn't wanted to drag Ibe into it – not when he had been the one racing after Ash in the first place. He didn't want to see him get hurt.

Now his own thoughts were starting to sound so like Ash's that he was scaring himself.

"You don't call nearly enough. You drop off the map constantly – I have to ask Max to ask about you, or call Ash myself."

Eiji licked his lips, taking a breath. Guilt was gnawing at him and his head was still swimming. "I'm sorry."

"What's going on? Why aren't you talking to me?" Ibe's eyes searched his. He looked worried – really worried, and Eiji had to avoid his look. It wasn't anger – Eiji would have preferred that. It was disappointment and panic and fatigue. They made him feel a hundred times worse. This was it – this was why he hadn't wanted to have this conversation. Why had he thought that avoiding it would help?

"I don't know," Eiji admitted. "I don't know what to say, Ibe-san."

"Okay. Then, just - just answer me, okay?"

Eiji nodded. He took a deep breath. He seemed to be doing a lot of focusing on breathing today.

"What's your relationship with Ash?"

He let the pause draw itself out again, staring at the floor. He felt awkward about it – like he probably should have come out to Ibe. Maybe he was meant to now. It felt like admitting it to his parents. But it was also the question that he'd been asking himself lately. He loved Ash, of course he did and they joked around about it – but were they together? Would they be, tomorrow, when Eiji was sure he'd wake up to find Ash missing?

"We've not put a label on it," he said, slowly. "Not really."

"But you're together?"

"Yes." All Eiji seemed to be doing today was nodding and breathing. Now, though, he felt a small smile on his face. "That's not a surprise, is it?"

Ibe smiled and shook his head, looking strangely comforted. He looked more like himself now – like the panic and guilt that had been permeating through the room like a fog had just evaporated. It gave Eiji the confidence to cross his legs, making himself comfortable on the bed.

"He's taking care of you okay?" there was a hint of playfulness behind the concern this time. Of course, the worry was still there, Eiji could still see it etched into every line on Ibe's face, but this time it wasn't about life and death.

"I think I'm the one taking care of him." Eiji couldn't believe he was smiling now, even though his shoulder felt as though it was on fire. "We take care of each other. It's mutual."

"I'm going to have to talk to him, you know," Ibe leant back in the chair, a shadow passing over his face suddenly. For a moment, he looked intimidating. The thought was enough to make Eiji laugh.

"Why is that?"

"No one dates my boy without going through me first." He half-expected Ibe to crack his knuckles.

Eiji gave a dry laugh that turned into a cough. He looked up, his eyes wet from the effort, but Ibe was smiling at him, his eyes glittering like he was proud.

There had been a twinge in his heart, though. A little voice that said it didn't matter anyway. Ash might not come back.

What was he going to do if Ash didn't come back? The thought was enough to wipe the smile off of his face.

"This might not be such an easy one." Ibe's smile disappeared too now. He leant forward, wringing his hands like he was nervous. "What happened to you, Eiji? When Ash was in the hospital, and you were missing, where were you?"

"They took all of us to the station," Eiji spoke carefully, wondering which parts of the story to cut and which to keep. "Yut Lung paid my bail. I was…stuck with him for a while."

"What?"

"He didn't – it wasn't like-" Eiji swallowed. "I don't know what his plan was – to just keep me out of the way, I guess. It was just a locked room. I managed to get out a few times. I didn't get very far."

"And then?" Ibe's voice was gentle. Almost like he was scared. He was looking at Eiji like he didn't even know him.

"When it came on the news that Ash – the fake news of his death – I-" Eiji took a breath. "I broke the window."

"What?"

"I broke the window. With my hand. And jumped out."

"Eiji-"

"Yut Lung followed me. I pointed a gun at him. I didn't shoot."

"Your hand?"

"It's all healed now, see?" Eiji flashed his hand, forcing a casual grin onto his face. Like it was nothing. At the time, it had been nothing. There had been a million other things going through his head. He hadn't even felt the pain. "And Ash found us soon after." He paused, because Ibe was still leaning forward, his eyebrows drawn tightly together as he looked at him. "What?"

"You've changed," Ibe said. "I thought bringing you here would help you get back to who you used to be. But you've gone a different way completely." Ibe took a breath, studying Eiji with such an intensity that he shuffled. "You're – I'm proud of you. Worried about you every moment, but you've really found yourself here."

"Yeah," it was true – a thrill went through Eiji at the thought. This was who he was now. And he liked that. "I guess so."

He stayed there, smiling slightly as he finally managed to meet Ibe's gaze.

It was like the wind shifted again. The air turned heavy again as they turned serious.

"Do you want to stay?" Ibe asked softly. It was like he knew the answer but was still scared of it.

That one was an easy question.

"Yes."

"No question, huh?"

"Nope."

Ibe leant back, heavily. There was still a smile on his face as he looked at Eiji. He spoke quietly, more to himself than anyone else. "Okay, then."

Eiji smiled back. Then, for a moment, it was as though the whole world tilted. He lurched forward, for a moment believing that his brain had just completely disappeared. His head was just full of air.

He was caught by strong hands and pushed back onto his bed, so that he was lying down. He didn't want to be on this bed. He had wanted to be on Ash's – whilst he wasn't here. It smelt of him. He had wanted to close his eyes and pretend that Ash's arms were still around him.

But Ash was gone.

"I'm sorry," Eiji murmured to Ibe. He opened his eyes to find him standing over him, looking panicked. He wasn't sure what he was apologising for, but he knew he had a hundred more in him. There were a hundred more inside him that he needed to say.

"You need to rest, Eiji," Ibe said. "You shouldn't have even been up in the first place. Ash told me to come straight in."

"Screw what Ash wants."

"He's looking out for you, Eiji." Ibe said. He used 'chan' and it made him smile. He was pushing the hair off of Eiji's forehead and he closed his eyes. It felt like he was at home. It was like he was a child at home again and he wasn't involved in anything scary or gun-related. He wasn't worried about whether he'd see his boyfriend alive again. He hadn't been shot. He was just sick.

He took a breath. The pain was spreading, a red, angry itch over his torso.

He wanted to say 'I love him,' but he didn't get the words out. He wanted someone to know.

But the burning was taking over him. It was hard to stay awake when he was so comfortable and when his head was spinning.

He was asleep five minutes later.