10

Cain Blood frowned at Eiji when he had asked it. Eiji kept his gaze level. People were probably intimidated when he stared at them like that. With the height and the tattoos and the sunglasses that showed him just how small and unassuming he was. He guessed he might have been through a lot, but even wearing Ash's clothes he looked too shiny and too young to be involved in all of this. He didn't look like he belonged in a gang. Cain didn't seem to think so either.

"You want me to what?"

"Can you teach me how to shoot a gun?" Eiji repeated. He couldn't bring himself to be scared of any of these guys. He hadn't been scared of Ash – and that had apparently been weird. He wasn't sure why he should be scared of these people.

Cain had raised his eyebrows at him. Eiji wondered what was going on behind those sunglasses.

But then, finally, he shrugged and said "sure."

That was the most he had said to Eiji for the last hour. They had headed to a shooting range and had been waved through by the staff. Eiji guessed they knew Cain.

He had handed Eiji a gun, and pointed out the target. Then he had leant against the post, his hands over the headphones he was wearing. Eiji couldn't even tell if he was watching him or not.

If he was, Eiji couldn't see how he wasn't doubled over laughing. He fumbled with the gun, struggling to keep it straight. He was used to Ash's hands wrapped around his. The only time he had aimed a gun without feeling Ash's breath on his cheek he had been pointing it at Yut Lung. His hands had been shaking then.

He jumped more often than not when the gun fired – or when other people's guns fired off.

And he still hadn't hit the target.

He sighed, lowering the gun and running a hand through his hair. This wasn't going to work. He wasn't going to be able to do this. If he couldn't even hit a target – how was he supposed to pull this off?

"Why are you doing this?"

He jumped again at the question. He had almost convinced himself that Cain had given up on him. That he had wandered off and was ready to leave Eiji behind. There was no hope for him.

"What?" he asked, fumbling over his words. "I - I don't know how to – I can't shoot a gun very well. I want to be able to."

"No – this-" Cain made a vague gesture that Eiji just frowned at. "This for Ash - this is a suicide mission, you realise."

"I know," Eiji said. He probably should have been scared at that too.

"Why? Why him?" Cain had a way of saying everything that made Eiji feel like he was being interrogated.

He paused, flicking the safety onto the gun and trying to find his answer. An answer that made sense, he guessed.

"It's my –" he stopped himself, Ash's face appearing in his mind's eye. He could almost hear him – 'stop saying that everything is your fault. Leave some guilt for the rest of us.' "He did that for me. He gave up everything to protect me."

He felt hot and fiddled with the sleeves of his baseball jacket. Ash's baseball jacket. It would have been easier to say 'I love him.' Why was that so hard to say?

"Oh." It was so hard to tell what that guy was thinking. "You two are - you're bent, right?"

"Something like that," Eiji muttered. He wondered if he'd at least be able to hit himself with that gun.

"Damn," Cain leant back against the post with a thud. He was quiet for a moment, and Eiji couldn't think of anything else to say to him. "Damn - I never would have - Ash Lynx is a homo." Eiji wasn't sure what to say to that either. "Then again, I could never see him with a girl. Could never see him with anyone."

Eiji shrugged. "Lynxes are solitary animals."

"Then why is he with you?"

"Because lynx is just his name."

Cain laughed at that. A real belly laugh that made Eiji's chest warm. Maybe that was why they liked him.

"I mean - I knew he was tied up with Golzine," Cain said. "I knew - but I wouldn't have guessed that." He paused, tilting his sunglasses down to glance at Eiji. He wondered if he was meant to be scared now. "Is he good?"

"Good?" Eiji said.

"You know, in –"

The gun was looking like a very good option now.

"Oh. Um, I don't – I don't know."

"How can you not know?" Cain asked. His sunglasses slid a few inches down his face as he raised his eyebrows. "Oh. Oh."

"Um…" Eiji fiddled with the headphones, glancing down. He had nothing else to add to that – he didn't feel like it was any of Cain's business.

"Okay. Yeah, maybe that makes sense." Cain was nodding and Eiji nodded along for a moment. Then it occurred to him that this was completely insane. He turned back to the target, lifting the gun and feeling Ash's hand on his elbow.

He lowered it again at the thought.

"Ash would hate this," he muttered. "He would hate everyone knowing."

He didn't even really like to talk about it to Eiji. He would give him snippets and Eiji would spend hours wondering if he'd said the right thing. If he'd actually helped at all.

"It doesn't change-" Cain's voice made Eiji jump again. He hadn't even thought he would hear him. "It doesn't make me think any less of him."

"Try telling that to him."

"No fear," there was Cain's booming laugh again. "I'll leave that one to you. The boy's say you're the only one who can face Ash Lynx and live to tell about it."

Eiji laughed. "I don't do anything special."

"He must really like your pretty face then."

"Uh – I don't-" Eiji stumbled and Cain laughed again.

"Here," he nudged Eiji's elbow – probably a light touch for him but Eiji jerked back to attention. "Focus on the middle of the target, okay. It's like putting blinkers on – that's the only thing that exists."

"Sorry," Eiji spoke automatically. "It probably seems ridiculous – that I can't even-"

"Less talking, more shooting."

Eiji wasn't used to that. He was used to getting Ash side tracked. Last time Ash had been flirting with him and he hadn't known how to deal with it. Last time it had been dawn and they had spent a week sleeping in a truck together.

Now he was staying at Soo-Ling's base. It had been more how he had imagined gangs in New York living. He could watch the mould crawling across his ceiling. The walls were damp and most of the radiators were busted, so it was always freezing and damp. The lightbulbs flickered before they came on.

But he was safe and he was doing stuff. He was doing the stuff that Ash had hid from him and it surprised him at how quickly he got used to it all. He was popping in and out of different bars and hide outs, trying to get all of this organised. He was lucky that people wanted to help Ash. He was lucky that they seemed to like him.

This wasn't Eiji Okumura. At least, it wasn't the old Eiji Okumura. He had become someone else, but he liked this new Eiji. This Eiji made people laugh with his quips and was confident.

This Eiji would be able to pole vault. He was sure.

He didn't know if he wanted to anymore.

He took a deep breath in. Going back to Japan, at this point, wasn't an option. He had to get Ash back – he would get Ash back.

If he was going to do that, he needed to be able to shoot.

So he squeezed the trigger.

Another miss.

"I'm staying until I hit it," he said.

"Because I have nothing better to do."

"Well, do you?" Eiji glanced up. He knew he was doing the wide-eyed, innocent smile that always made Ash give in to him.

Cain snorted. "That's not the point."

He pulled the trigger again. A small black hole appeared on the white outline of the target.

It gave him hope.

He knew Ash wouldn't like it. That he was learning to shoot – he had made such a thing of Eiji not shooting. Of Eiji not killing. Of him not being like Ash.

Well, tough. Ash wasn't around at the moment. He had made a stupid decision so Eiji was going to make a stupid one. If he was like Ash because he could shoot then so be it. Someone had to save him. And that someone was Eiji.

He'd be here all day, learning to hit the target, if he had to.

Eiji was going to shoot that gun.

Sing Soo-Ling had been stuck to Eiji's side. He followed him everywhere, five paces behind him. It felt as though he had a duckling who had imprinted onto him.

"Not to be rude," Eiji had asked at one point. "But it feels like you're a spy for Yut Lung."

Soo-Ling had laughed at that. He still sounded incredibly young when he laughed. That made Eiji feel a thing of sadness. This was a boy who should be worrying about homework and hanging out at MacDonalds with his mates instead of reloading guns and hanging out with gangs of kids older than him.

"Yut Lung won't know about any of this," Soo-Ling said. He left it at that.

But he still couldn't be separated from Eiji. If there wasn't room on the sofa, he would sit on the arm or stand behind Eiji. Once he sat cross legged in front of him like a school child. Everyone had acted like it was completely normal as they went over the plan again. And again. Eiji knew it backwards - apparently that was good. He had dreams about it most nights.

Almost every morning he woke up from a nightmare of something going wrong. Of Ash full of bullets. Of himself full of bullets. Everything full of bullets.

He took a walk, wearing Ash's hoodie. His baseball jacket had stopped smelling of him, so he had taken the white hoodie instead. It didn't suit him. He hated it on hum, but he could pretend that Ash had his arms around him.

Of course, Sing followed him from Ash's base without a word. He jumped out of his skin when Eiji turned around and asked "Can you show me the way to Central Park?"

The boy turned bright red and nodded furiously. He took the lead, walking five steps ahead of Eiji instead of behind.

New York was a city that was never quiet. It was still cold – it had been a cold winter and the spring was still bitingly freezing, but the streets were still busy. There was still hundreds of tourists milling around the park.

Soo-Ling slowed down when they reached it, opting to take Eiji's lead instead. He stopped to nod sharply at one of the carriage drivers, but stayed mute.

Eiji followed the carriage route. He had taken to doing it a lot, because then he heard Ash's voice in his ear, matching the driver word for word. He had added his own bits too, about gang disputes and shoot outs.

He had been sat too close to Eiji then - at least, Eiji had thought he had been sat too close. It was back when he was still awkward. Their thighs had been touching but Ash hadn't seemed to notice. Not until he had snuck an arm around Eiji, learning across him to point to a spot on the street.

"And that's where you hijacked Ibe's car, you little devil."

Eiji had laughed, but his face had felt as though it was on fire.

He couldn't wait to get Ash back. He had to believe that they would get him back. The alternative was unthinkable. They would get Ash back.

He'd walk this route next to Ash soon. That was the idea that was driving him forward.

It would have been almost a year since the first time. He couldn't believe that.

Ash had missed Eiji's birthday.

He slowed, his eyes following a pair of pigeons fighting over a crust of bread.

"Teach me Japanese." Soo-Ling said suddenly. He was so loud and sudden that Eiji stopped in his tracks.

"Eh?"

"Is that Japanese?" Soo-Ling was doing that not blinking thing again, staring at him intently.

"It's universal," Eiji said. "For 'what?'"

"I want to learn Japanese," Soo-Ling said, as if it was obvious. His hair was sticking up at every angle.

"Why?"

"Because you speak it."

Eiji found a smile on his face. He kept walking, running a hand through his hair. "Why do you want to be like me? I can't even shoot a gun."

Soo-Ling's face went red again, and he stuck his hands into his pockets. He pouted at the ground, looking more like a child than ever.

"Maybe I like that about you," Soo-Ling muttered.

Eiji wanted to laugh, but the kid sounded so sincere. It seemed as though he really looked up to Eiji and the thought made his chest feel warm. Someone looked up to him – that was completely insane. Out of everyone around them – everyone who could do so much more than Eiji – Soo-Ling had decided that he was cool. Because he couldn't shoot.

He took a moment, smiling out at the trees. There were starting to bud again.

"Shouldn't you be at Yut Lung's?" he asked, his voice soft. He had no idea what to say to this kid, and he was almost scared of the answer. "Or something?"

Soo-Ling shrugged, scratching the back of his head and not looking at Eiji. His hair was fluffy – like a baby duck's. "He played ash dirty. I don't like that. Don't like his stupid mansion either."

"Me neither." Eiji said and Soo-Ling beamed at him.

It made him look so young, when he grinned like that, even though he was almost as tall as Eiji.

They carried on walking. There was still a sharp breeze in the air and Eiji bundled himself further into his hoodie. He had meant to take this walk to clear his head. To walk himself through everything and convince himself everything would be okay. To stop thinking about it. For at least ten minutes.

Soo-Ling couldn't seem to keep still. He balanced on the curb at the edge of the path, running across it as fast as he could. He ran over the benches, too, skidding when he landed. His converses were falling apart, the bottoms sliding off.

Eiji watched him with a smile on his face. Maybe this was what having a little brother was like. If it was, he liked it. He didn't understand it at all, but he liked Soo-Ling's company. He didn't seem to be bothered about anything, whereas Eiji couldn't stop worrying.

And it wasn't just Ash that was worrying him. When Soo-Ling grinned at him like that, he saw Skip. That still sent an ache through his stomach and his chest. It still felt like his fault. Ash had always tried to take the blame – they had gone backwards and forwards about it.

What if the same thing happened to Soo-Ling? There would be no denying that it would be Eiji's fault then – he was the one so desperate to do this.

"Soo-Ling," Eiji said, carefully. "Why aren't you at school?"

Soo-Ling jumped down from the back of the bench. He glanced back at Eiji and shrugged. "Don't wanna be. Don't need to be. Doesn't matter does it? Might not even live long enough to use a diploma."

That was just the way Ash spoke. It was just another glimpse into a world he didn't understand. One that he had been lucky to escape from.

"What do your parents say about that?"

"They don't," Soo-Ling gave him another glance, ducking out of the way of a group of tourists. "Cleared off pretty quick."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. They're not. I'm not." Soo-Ling slowed, so that he was walking next to Eiji. He was staring at his converse.

"Then someone has to be." Eiji said.

Soo-Ling at him, squinting in the watery sunlight. His eyes looked almost purple. There was a small smirk on his face.

"You're weird," Soo-Ling said.

Eiji burst out laughing. At Soo-Ling's frown he covered his mouth, but he couldn't stop grinning. A moment later, though, Soo-Ling was smiling too.

"That's just what Ash used to say," Eiji said. He kept smiling, but he knew that it had changed. It was an 'I'm really missing him,' smile. He ran a hand through his hair, thinking about how Ash used to do it – thinking about Ash's hair.

They had stopped in front of the lake. The trees reflected in it like a mirror. The water was reflecting a world of steely blues and greys, as though every other colour had been sucked from the world.

There was a long pause. Eiji could feel Soo-Ling's eyes on him, scrutinising his face. It felt like he was peering into a private moment.

"Why do you like him so much?" Soo-Ling asked.

Eiji paused, still smiling. The memory of Ash smiling at him was infectious, as much as he missed him.

"Because," Eiji rolled his tongue in his cheek, trying to find the right words. He couldn't quite say. It just seemed like chance that they had met. It had felt like someone else had told him to go to America, someone else had pushed him to ask Ash to see him gun. Someone else had told him to stay next to Ash's side. No matter what. "Because I've never met anyone like him."

There was another pause.

"Have you ever met anyone like me?"

Eiji chuckled. "No. No I haven't."

Another pause. Eiji glanced across as Soo-Ling now. He was frowning out over the lake, his eyebrows meeting.

"So why don't you like me like you like Ash?"

Eiji was stunned. He hadn't thought the conversation was going to go that way. Now he blinked at Soo-Ling, who still wasn't looking at him. It was strangely flattering. "Well - because- Ash and I, we - it's not just-"

"I'm not five, I know that you're together."

"So why are you asking?"Eiji was still smiling.

"Because you don't have anyone now."

"We'll get Ash back." He said it automatically. It was like someone had pulled his string and he had just said it.

"But in the meantime…" Soo-Ling trailed off, scuffing his shoe on the concrete at the edge of the lake.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, the guys - the older guys - they say doing it is good for stress relief." Soo-Ling said, as though it was obvious.

"Oh - no - it's not-" Eiji felt his face grow warm at the suggestion. "We're together but we haven't..."

"Done it?" Soo-Ling finished for him.

Eiji's stomach twisted. He didn't want to have this conversation with a fourteen year old. He didn't want to have this conversation with anyone.

"No," he admitted.

Soo-Ling frowned again, scratching his head. "Then what do you do?"

"Yeah, it really seems like you understand relationships, Soo-ling."

"Now I know why Ash likes you," Soo-Ling kicked away from the lake, heading back down the path. It was Eiji's turn to follow.

"Mm? Why is that?" he asked at Soo-Ling's back. He couldn't remember the last time he had smiled so much.

"You're just as sarcastic as he is," Soo-Ling said over his shoulder.

Eiji laughed again and he was surprised to find that it was hard to stop. A genuine laugh. When was the last time that had happened?

"I didn't used to be," he sped up so that he matched Soo-Ling's stride. "At least, I don't think I used to be. It seems like years and years ago that I lived in Japan."

"What's Japan like?" Soo-Ling asked immediately. He was so easily distracted from one thing to the other that Eiji laughed again.

"That's like asking what China's like."

"Wouldn't know," Soo-Ling shrugged. "Never been."

Soo-Ling didn't seem to be bothered about it. Eiji wasn't sure if it was an act or not – he acted like he didn't care about much. But there was still a comment he made that bothered Eiji. Maybe it was because he had talked to Ash about stuff like that.

"Soo-ling," he said, carefully. He received an 'mm?' from the teenager. "The others, they don't ask you to-"

"What? No – gross!" Soo-Ling pulled a face and Eiji found himself laughing again. From relief this time. "I mean," Soo-Ling talked quickly, his cheeks red. "I mean – jeez, all that kind of stuff, it's gross. I can't get why anyone would want to put their lips on anyone else's. Mouths are for eating for sucking on someone else's tongue like a hoover."

Eiji couldn't stop laughing. He was almost doubled over from it. Sure, Soo-Ling said he was an adult, but he couldn't stop seeing him as a kid.

"What? Why's that funny?" Soo-Ling was frowning at him. He elbowed Eiji, making them both stumble on the path and only making Eiji laugh harder. "Stop!"

"I'm sorry," Eiji forced himself to take a breath. He found that he was ruffling Soo-Ling's hair, and it was only when he pulled away that he felt awkward about it. "It's nothing."

But Soo-Ling was grinning at him. Well, he had been trying to frown, but he was smiling, his hair sticking up all over the place. He looked more like a kid than ever.

"Um," Soo-Ling looked away again, his cheeks turning crimson. Eiji bit his lip, because suddenly Soo-Ling was serious and he couldn't stop smiling. "Look – sorry I was so – I didn't know about what happened with Shorter."

"It's okay."

"I'm glad you're here, though. To help Ash."

Eiji smiled. He was sure if Ash was here, he would throw his arm around Soo-Ling's neck and say it was nothing. Ash was like that. Eiji wasn't. He felt too awkward and aware of himself.

"Well," he said, nudging Soo-Ling. "I'm glad you're here to help me."

Soo-Ling shrugged, but his face was even redder than before.

But he had been telling the truth. Soo-Ling was good company. He didn't help distract him completely, but it hadn't felt as though the world was ending.

And he was kind of happy to have a little brother.

Eiji felt oddly calm. He was still pumped full of adrenaline, and he knew it was going to be a long night still, but he couldn't bring himself to worry. He was calm. He was in control.

It was probably because Ash had opened his eyes and was talking and still Ash. He was still Ash and he was still here. The whole blinding deal freaked Eiji out. He hadn't been able to see. He still couldn't see. And how long had it been like that? How long had he been leaving like that? Eiji felt sick just thinking about it. Whilst he had been laughing in the park with Soo-Ling, Ash had been living a nightmare.

How long had it been like that?

But Ash was back. There was a niggling doubt gnawing at the edge of his mind, wondering if Ash would ever get his sight back. If something went wrong and it didn't come back. He wondered if Ash would bounce back from this. If he'd ever be able to carry on from this.

If Eiji could even help him carry on from this.

"Eiji," Ash was leant against the wall of the subway carriage. Eiji could see everyone else through the window, talking with serious faces and glancing around the abandoned tunnel. They had stepped away and Eiji had been watching him. He had no idea what to say. He had just been watching Ash struggle to breathe. "Help me change."

"What?" he asked. "Now?"

"Yeah."

"You don't want to wait for your sight to come back?" Did they have time for this? Eiji didn't think they had time for this.

"No," Ash's voice was firm. Almost a snap. He sighed, pushing a hand through blonde hair that was already slicked back. It fell across his forehead. He was breathing heavily. "I'm not just trying to be a shit, Eiji. I can't wear this any longer."

And Eiji understood, understood some of it anyway.

"Okay," he said, and crossed the carriage to where they had kicked the bag full of spare clothes. He barely looked at what he pulled out, dropping it so that it just nudged Ash's foot. "I'm here," he said, taking Ash's shoulders.

Ash's gaze was over his shoulder, but he nodded, and his hands took Eiji's. He helped him slip off the dinner jacket. It fell in a heap on the floor like a crumbled shadow.

"I wouldn't want to wait," Ash was saying. "I don't like seeing myself like this."

He was pulling at the tie, tightening it in on itself. Eiji stopped him, took it in his own and began picking the fabric back apart.

"I can understand that," he said softly. He didn't look like Ash, right now. He didn't look like an action hero, either.

It took a long time to undo the knot. His hands were shaking. But Ash just stood there, waiting. His hands hovered over Eiji's shoulders, making sure he knew where he was at all times.

The tie finally slithered to the floor like a snake, and Ash shrugged out of the braces. Eiji guided Ash's hands over his shirt buttons, just in case he needed them.

"Does it bother you?" Ash was shrugging out of his shirt, looking oddly pale in the dim lighting. He was almost glowing - some supernatural being that only came out at night.

"Hm?"

He was so thin. He looked so unbelievably thin. Eiji could count Ash's ribs, even in the dark.

"I just – I don't think anything of it, but you might not-" Ash's trousers dropped to his ankles. He used Eiji's shoulder as a support as he kicked off his shoes and stepped out of his clothes.

"In Japan, when we go to the onsen – hot spring – everyone's naked. It's not a big deal," Eiji said. He held out the t-shirt he'd grabbed so that Ash could wiggle into it. Being naked didn't bother him, seeing Ash look more like a skeleton than a man bothered him, but he kept his mouth shut. Ash probably knew, he was most likely hyper aware of it and he didn't need Eiji to tell him. He needed Eiji to keep acting like everything was normal. At least, to his face.

He dropped the jeans on the floor so that Ash could step into them, letting his shoulders be used as a hand rest again.

"Eiji, what are you wearing?" Ash's voice was soft. He was fumbling with his fly.

"Oh – just a hoodie and some jeans," Eiji toed Ash's trainers over to him so that they nudged his foot. He wiggled into them.

"You snuck into the party like that?"

"I changed whilst you were out, after we had gone underground. We snuck in as servers," Eiji said. Ash nudged his foot against Eiji's, the laces trailing. He bent down obediently, starting to tie them.

"White suit?"

"How'd you know?" He looked up, but Ash was still looking straight ahead, his fingers stretching so they still had some hold of Eiji.

"I know his tastes by now," Ash's voice was dry. He swallowed, licked his lips. "No one recognised you?"

"I slicked back my hair. And wore glasses." Eiji straightened up and saw Ash's lips curving into a smile. He cupped Ash's cheek in his hand, feeling brave. He felt like he had to be the strong one now, but he wasn't quite sure how he was going to do that. "I learnt from the best."

"Shut up," Ash leant into his hand.

"Never," Eiji said. He stepped forward, wondering if it was okay to kiss Ash. If Ash wanted to be kissed right now.

He ended up hugging Ash instead, pulling him against him so hard so that Ash wouldn't be able to feel him shaking. So that Ash wouldn't be able to notice his shoulders jerking as he swallowed back tears. The last month had been the hardest thing Eiji had ever had to live through. He didn't think he'd slept at all - whenever he close his eyes he saw Ash's face there. Counting down the days until the party. That was the only thing that mattered. The party, the party, the party.

Ash's arms were around him, squeezing him just as hard. His mouth and nose were pressed against Eiji's neck.

Eiji mouthed the words. He didn't want to say them out loud because the atmosphere didn't feel right. But he could mouth them, to himself, in the darkness. Just those three words.

Their arms slowly relaxed, like a clamp easing away. Eiji pulled back slowly, remembering that they were on a time limit. Remembering that other things were happening right now and that Soo-Ling and Cain and Kong and Bones and everyone was waiting for them.

Ash was still staring, his arms still around him.

"Ash?" he asked, holding Ash's arms like they were a life jacket. "Ash – are you alright?"

"Hm?" Ash blinked, his hands finding Eiji's.

"You were in your own world."

"I was thinking. Thinking about – if this was a different place and a different time – and we both went to a party. It would be so different. We'd dance – can you imagine? I'd sweep you off your feet."

"Really? You'd sweep me off of my feet?" Eiji was smiling, his head dipping forward so that his nose was nudging against Ash's.

"Of course."

"That's a lie."

"Oh yeah?"

"I'm an athlete, Ash. I'd be doing the sweeping."

"So you're saying you could pick me up?" Ash was smirking at him.

"Absolutely."

"Do it then."

"Maybe when your eyes are better," Eiji said.

"I bet you looked cute." Ash's hands fumbled, searching down Eiji's sides until he found his belt loop. He pulled their hips together, smiling. "No, I bet you looked handsome in that suit."

Eiji laughed. He wanted to say 'hardly.' He had felt foolish, dressed like that. Instead, he tugged at Ash's hand. "Come on, let's get some food down you."

He peeled himself away from Ash, prising the door of the carriage back open and stepping down on to the platform. He helped him step over the gap, letting him stumble against him.

"Not hungry," Ash muttered.

"Don't care."

Ash grinned and something shifted in Eiji's chest. It was like something had been stuck in there and it was only just realised now. They were okay. It was all going to be okay. They were going to get out of this and everything was going back to whatever it was they called normal now. Ash and Eiji.

And Ash would get better – Eiji would make sure of that. He was going to push Ash until he was back to the boy that Eiji had first met in America. The boy with hair like a lion's and those piercing green eyes. The boy that had a gun sticking out the waistband of his jeans. Who gave it to Eiji within five minutes of meeting him.

It was so strange, to look back at that moment. It was the first time Eiji had seen a real gun.

This evening he had shot one. Sure, he had missed, but he had shot it and he had meant it. He knew how to shoot one.

He had felt Ash's arms around him, standing there. Ash's voice in his ear. The first time, in Cape Cod, Eiji had been ridiculously aware of him. Ridiculously awkward and shy around Ash, not knowing how to react to him. He had still been riddled with guilt.

Now he was helping Ash change his clothes. Now he was the one rescuing Ash.

He had been right, when he had stolen that car. He was meant to be right at Ash's side. It made him dizzy, the fact that Ash needed him. Ash Lynx needed Eiji Okumura. And Eiji needed him. He needed Ash by his side.

They had lit a fire earlier out of old newspapers and some old rubbish. It smelt awful, but it didn't smoke that much. It kept them warm in the drafty tunnels.

The others had already eaten – a week earlier they had dropped cans of soup off down here. A quick snack, if they had time, to wait for things to blow over. To wait for Ash to wake up. To get their energy and their courage back before everything inevitably hit the fan again.

He heated two cans of tomato soup over the garbage fire. Ash's nose wrinkled at the smell.

"I know it wouldn't have been anything like the food at the party," Eiji said quickly. He had to hold the pot over the fire himself, his hand wrapped in his hoodie sleeve.

Ash gave a dry laugh. It sounded rattlely – like a skeleton's laugh. Eiji was glad that he couldn't see his shiver at that.

"I wouldn't have been able to eat it," Ash admitted. He sounded so casual about it.

Eiji paused, staring at the crimson soup. It had splashed onto his hoodie sleeve a little.

"You haven't been eating, have you Ash?" he hated how scared his voice sounded. He was scared of the answer.

"No."

"It wasn't because the food tasted like shit, is it?"

Ash took a breath. It seemed to shake his entire frame. "It did – honestly, after a while. I just – I couldn't keep it down.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Eiji asked. "About – what happened?"

"I could ask you the same," Ash's lips twitched. "Cain Blood? Sing Soo-Ling? You've managed to unite a fair few gangs here. Maybe I should hand mine over to you too." Ash leant backwards, spreading his hands out in front of him. "I can see it now – Eiji Okumura – the most feared gang boss in New York City – no, New York state."

"Shut up." Eiji wanted to smile. He couldn't bring himself to. "It's because of you – you know, they they're all together like this. Because they wanted to help you."

Ash took another long, rattling breath.

"Talk to me, Ash," Eiji said. Pleaded. "I want to know that you're okay."

"I'm okay, sweetie," Ash's voice sounded tired – a new kind of tiredness – a complete exhaustion. "The soup's boiling."

It was. Huge red bubbles were starting to appear on the surface. He quickly pulled it off of the fire, pouring it clumsily back into the cans. He pushed the tin into Ash's hand, folding his fingers around it.

"How could you tell?"

"I could hear it."

Ash started laughing at that, and Eiji allowed himself a small giggle. He fell back against the wall, feeling the fire on his feet.

"Not today," Ash said. "I can't tell you today, Eiji. Give me some time."

Eiji nodded, resting his head against Ash's shoulder. The soup was burning in his hands.

He loved Ash. So much that when he looked at him, sat against the subway wall, he thought his chest would burst.

Eiji would protect him. He had to.

No matter what.