If everyone minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.
― Lewis Caroll, Alice in Wonderland
"Pep! Platypus!" Tony grins to see his two best friends waiting for him when he exits his workshop. It feels as if it's been forever since the three of them spent any real time together. They've all been busy lately. He kind of throws himself at them in his happiness. Because he really is excited. And might not have slept in the past three days, but that is beside the point. He only grins wider when they hug him back.
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming over. Wait, I didn't forget anything important did I?" Remembering dates isn't exactly his strong suit. Then he gets a look at their expressions and frowns. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Is someone hurt? Is-"
"You tell us Tones," Rhodey cuts him off, knowing full well how Tony gets when he starts babbling. Especially worried babbling. He keeps one arm firmly wrapped around him, "Pep got a call from Romanov saying that it might be a good idea to check in on you. Make sure you are doing alright."
Tony curses even as he leans into the touch. "Remind me why I can't kill my teammates and be done with it again?" he asks. Of all the dirty, rotten- Oh things just got real now. He'd like to say he can't believe she did this, but he can. It's not that far of a stretch after all.
"Because then you would have to do all the work yourself," Pepper answers practically.
"Would save me the headache though," he mutters with a sigh. And time. And well, a lot of things. Or that's the way it feels like right now, "Come on, I'll order food and bitch about why my teammates need to mind their own business." He makes his way into the kitchen for a cup of coffee, which is the reason he came up in the first place. Pepper must have conspired with JARVIS to get the timing right. Either that or she actually is psychic and has just been denying it all these years. He hasn't ruled out the possibility yet. Anything is possible after everything he's seen.
He can feel their eyes on him as he waits.
"That bad?" Rhodey asks.
Tony just hums in response. He doesn't want to get into it, even though he knows there's no avoiding it. Not with Romanov going behind his back like this. "Coffee," is his answer, "life."
That gets him twin snorts that he can't help smirk at. Really, if they're surprised by this by now either they don't know him at all or they're lying.
"The suspense is killing me here Tones."
"All in good time young grasshopper," he says as pours a cup and promptly drinks it without waiting for it to cool. After doing exactly this for so long he no longer needs to. Some call it burn damage, but Tony calls it a gift. That done he leads them into the living room. Time to get this over with then.
He collapses onto the couch with a sigh. He sprawls out on the length of it, stretching muscles and trying to relax. "You have no idea," he complains, "Are you sure I can't? Because we'd only be down two people. Surely we can find two replacements somewhere. It's not as if it's an impossible skill set to find. And we all know Pep can hide the bodies so no one would be the wiser." No one manages like Pepper. Super efficiency is one of her super powers. She can kick butt and take names like a boss and no one ever sees her coming.
"Which two?" she asks as if she's considering it.
Tony considers that a sign right there. "Romanov and Rogers."
"So nothing new there." There is a tease in Rhodey's voice. He nudges Tony's shoulder to move so that he can join him on the couch. When he sits Tony lays back down with his head in Rhodey's lap. "Remind me again why you claim you aren't a cat?"
"No idea what you're talking about sugar plum," Tony says sweetly, "And they're being worse than usual this time. Worrying both of you for nothing is out of line. Hey J, order our usual will you? Not that I'm not happy to see your shining faces of course."
"Right away Sir," JARVIS confirms.
"Why don't you explain and we'll be the judge of that," Pepper says.
Tony shrugs. "They're both freaking out because I've been spending time with Barton and Loki these last few months. Heaven forbid I have an actual and legitimate reason to do so. Oh no, of course not. Obviously I'm being mind controlled or something equally sinister instead. That's the only logical explanation right there." He rolls his eyes. So he's a bit bitter about it. So what?
"Why are you doing that?" Rhodey asks as he begins to massage his head. "I didn't think you liked either of them."
Tony practically melts into the motion. He loves it when Rhodey does this. He found out pretty quickly how tactile Tony can be at MIT and has never made a big deal out of it. Just another reason why Rhodey is the best. "It's not that I don't like them," he corrects, "it's that I never really paid much attention to either of them before. But I finally got fed up with the all the negative judgment Barton was getting and decided to get to the bottom of it myself. Which I did," he adds smugly, "in record time too. Frankly it's an embarrassment that no one else did because it took a total of one conversation. Positively disgraceful." He shakes his head, careful not to dislodge Rhodey's hand.
"And what exactly did you find genius?" Rhodey gives a light tug on his hair, "Don't keep us in suspense now."
"Barbarian," Tony accuses, "have you no sense for a good story?"
"When you're determined to make it dramatic? No."
"Rude." Tony sticks his tongue out at him, "I should make you wait just for that."
"Oh no," Rhodey deadpans, "anything but that. How cruel of you."
"That's right," Tony agrees, "beware my wrath." He can be very scary when he wants to be after all. Fear him.
Over from her place in the chair Pepper snorts.
Tony shakes his head sadly. "Disbelief and sass. What does a person have to do to get a little respect around here?"
"Obviously you're fine," Pepper says, smile tugging at her lips.
"Try telling the others that." Tony is most definitely not pouting right now. No, this is a masculine frown he has on his face, not a pout.
Rhodey gives his hair a slightly harder tug. "Alright you brat, on with it," he orders.
"Abuse. I'm being so abused right now," Tony grumbles, but continues, "Turns out Barton knew more of what was going on with Lokes because of their connection via the mystic mind staff. And of course he never mentioned it because it makes him sound crazier than SHIELD already thought he was. But it turns out Loki went through some crap and that's why Barton is so protective of him."
"Define crap," Rhodey says with narrow eye.
"Afghanistan levels of crap – at the very least. He didn't give many details and I didn't ask for them. I had already figured out he has PTSD to at least some degree even before we talked." He shrugs, letting that speak for him. Because even now, he won't talk about those three months. It's too painful. They'll know why he wouldn't have pushed the topic.
Pepper sighs. "You can never do things the easy way can you?"
"Not our boy," Rhodey snorts, "he finds trouble just walking down the street."
Tony swats at his arm, ignoring the warm feeling inside that glows at being claimed like that. "I resent that."
"You mean you resemble that." Rhodey smirks down at him.
"If I may interrupt, your order has arrived Sir."
"Thank you JARVIS, I'll go get it." Pepper stands and points at Tony and Rhodey. "Behave while I'm gone you two."
"I'll make sure I keep this one in line," Rhodey promises solemnly.
"Hey!" Tony protests, "what is today? Pick on Tony day? Rude. Anyways what trouble can we get into when you're only going to be gone five minutes?"
"I've long learned not to underestimate you," she says with a smirk of her own as she turns to leave.
Rhodey laughs at him.
"You were included in the warning too," he points out, quite reasonably in fact if you ask him.
"Yeah, but out of the two of us people always blame you so," he shrugs.
Tony makes a face because it is true. People think that it is always him getting Rhodey into trouble. That he is the bad influence. They'd never believe all the stories where Rhodey was the instigator. Oh no, it's always Tony's fault. "That's because they don't know how evil you really are," he says, crossing his arms to help his argument, "Besides I have witnesses. Right J?"
"As always I shall form your alibi accordingly Sir."
Rhodey cackles at that, bending forwards so that their foreheads are almost touching. His eyes are closed and laughter lines stand out on his face.
Tony grumbles to himself about 'no respect' and 'sassy AIs who are no help at all' and 'ill mannered people'. He is still grumbling when Pepper comes back with the food. She frowns at the two of them. "At least everything is still in one piece."
Tony sits up and claims a pizza box for himself. It smells delicious as always.
"Careful there Tones, you still need to be able to fit in that fancy flying tin can of yours."
"I could say the same thing honey buns."
Pepper shakes her head. "At least I know I didn't miss anything important."
"Indeed not Miss Potts," JARVIS reassures, "I am afraid that the conversation became rather derailed after you left."
Tony snorts at that, but doesn't say anything as he takes another bite.
"So," Rhodey pokes him in the knee, "what's the rest of the details? You just decide to adopt the two then or something more? Cause we both know about your habit to adopt any stray you come across."
"Lies and slander I say."
"Shall we talk about how many cats you brought back to the dorm because you felt sorry for them?" Rhodey raises an eyebrow at him.
"What was I supposed to do? Leave them outside cold and hungry? I'm not heartless. How could you look at those big, sad eyes and reject them like that? They needed me."
"Suddenly so many things make sense," Pepper says.
"And thus why our loft was populated mainly by cats," Rhodey nods, "We could have been mistaken for an cat shelter. It's not surprising you adopted another two strays, only that it took so long. You've lived in the Tower for months now."
Tony turns his nose up at him and picks up another slice from the box.
"Tony," Pepper says, warning in her voice.
He sighs. "No sense of dramatics at all."
"You have more than enough for all three of us," she reassures.
"I despair," he shakes his head, "Honestly it's turning out to be such a mess of miscommunication and misunderstanding that it should be in a sitcom. Loki was forced into the invasion by someone much stronger than him so he gets through it to warn us of what's coming. Because we desperately need it. Only apparently Asgard is messed up and no one in his family knows him well enough to ask the right questions. Or to ask questions at all, despite the fact that the chitauri are Thanos' army is widely known. Thor has confirmed this when asked too, so it's not as if I'm not fact checking here. That means he gets sent back here where he has limited resources and almost no allies to prepare for this.
"But then Barton happened so he has one. But everyone assumes there is something wrong with Barton so it's a waste of time to tell anyone about Thanos. Then when I finally decide to get involved, I agree to help – because he is telling the truth," he adds, just to make sure, "everyone jumps on the same assumption. Thus the call you got. That leaves three people trying to stop someone who wants to wipe out half the universe because no one else will believe us.
"And it's obvious that Thanos will come because of a lovely thing called the Infinity Stones which can control the six base elements of the universe. You know, just our basic super powered artifacts that can basically make the user a god. Or something close enough to it that the difference doesn't really matter. Which he wants to use to wipe out half the universe," he repeats because it seems like something that is worth repeating. The devil is in the details after all and this is a rather important one. World ending ones usually are.
"Honestly I'm more insulted that they think I'm that easy to manipulate." He is no one's puppet. Not anymore. Not after what Obie – Stane – did to him for all those years. Fool him once, but not again. Never again. He's not a naive little boy either, to be taken in by some sad eyes and pretty words. Cats are one thing, people are another. He ignores the little voice in his head that disagrees with that. That tells him his habit is universal. Who asked it anyways?
"And they didn't believe you when you explained this to them?" Pepper asks gently.
Tony snorts. "Explain? Why would I do that when they haven't even asked yet."
Pepper sighs in resignation, which is just hurtful really. "And you decided not to try anyways why?"
"Because if I'm always the one taking the first step then I will always be the one doing it." And once again, he's tired of it. Maybe he should have picked a better time to put his foot down, but too late now. He's not changing his mind.
"At least it's not completely petty," she mutters.
"Not completely," he agrees. It's not as if he can't see where she is coming from. Theoretically this isn't the time to hold onto grudges and technicalities when they have something bigger coming. But then again why talk when he won't be heard? He refuses to play Cassandra here. It never ends well after all.
"Well add two more allies to the list then," Rhodey says.
Tony smiles. He has the best friends ever. "Only two?" he asks, "Doesn't Pep count for, like, five people at least."
"She is efficient," Rhodey hums thoughtfully, "Only five?"
Pepper laughs. "Enough with the flattery you two." But Tony can tell that she's pleased with it.
"It's only flattery if it isn't true Miss Potts."
The smile she gives him is warm and bright. It makes something in him warm in response. Yeah, he has the best friends ever.
"Only by your definition Mr Stark."
"Um no, I'm pretty sure that's by everyone's definition. Right platypus?"
"Oh no," Rhodey holds his hands up, "I know better than to get between the two of you."
"Coward," Tony teases.
Rhodey nods. "Gladly if it means I get to keep my head."
Tony narrows his eyes. "And what's that supposed to mean hmm? Pep, I think we're being insulted here."
"I think you're right," Pepper agrees pleasantly.
"Oh no, oh no you two," Rhodey shakes his head, "don't even think about it."
Tony is the first one to whack him with a pillow, but Pepper isn't far behind. Soon empty pizza boxes go flying as it turns into a whole out war. He tackles Rhodey only to be thrown off, but not for long because than Pepper does the same. The room fills with laughter and curses and feathers as one of the pillows breaks open. Yeah, Tony's friends are the best.