Love is War

.

Chapter Twelve

.

DISCLIAMER: I do not own Naruto

.

Thankfully I managed three drinks without argument, but the instant the third glass was full, Naruto snatched up the bottle and took it away. I wouldn't complain though. Even if Sasuke was going with me to my home, I would not tolerate him telling me what to do. If I wanted to have a drink, I would damn well have one.

I never responded to the decision they'd come to without me, but I was ready to get away for a while. I left them, the alcohol in my system taking effect enough to do what I hoped it would. The pain was less noticeable, though still there as I made my way to see Kabuto.

He gave me enough medicine and supplies to last a few days but told me he'd have to come by to check on me himself every few days or so. I didn't complain. He was good at his work and I wanted to get back to normal as quickly as possible.

Once I left him I went to my study and sat there for a moment. I felt like there was work I should have been doing, but Naruto and Sai had all my work handled. There was really nothing for me to do but leave. It was already getting late, but I wanted to get to my place tonight. The sooner the better really.

Why I needed this exactly, I wasn't sure. I just knew I needed it. Having Sasuke come along made me feel a little apprehensive about it, but I'd put him in his own room as far away from me as possible and hopefully still get the peace I was so desperately seeking.

I pulled my vest on carefully, leaving it unzipped since the pressure had been too much for my shoulder, even with the dressing protecting it. The weight of the vest still hurt enough to make me wince, but there was no way in hell I was getting on my bike without it.

Having nothing more I needed to take with me, I made my way towards the garage. Gaara was the only one there, working on Kakashi's bike. He stopped his work to look over at me upon my entrance, a deep frown taking to his lips as I walked up to my bike.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He asked, on his feet and coming towards me in an instant.

I pulled my gun. "Getting on my bike, what does it look like?"

"You're not driving in your condition." He shouted, hands waving around in exasperation.

"I only had a few drinks." I muttered, knowing full well it wasn't the drinks he was concerned about.

"You know that's not what the fuck I meant." He growled while looking away from me to type furiously into his phone before putting it away.

"I don't know who you just texted, but I'm leaving now and you can't stop me."

"Start that bike and it won't take me but one move to stall it."

"You wouldn't dare." I glowered.

"Try me."

That audacity. I put my gun away and bit my lip while mulling over my options. He could have texted any one of the guys, but he probably went for Naruto, Sai, or Sasuke. It would only take them a minute to make it to us. Gaara was only a few feet away. There was only a slim chance I could get away before he'd make it to me and nobody knew a bike like he did.

"Trying to leave me behind huh?"

Fuck. I turned to look at Sasuke as he entered the garage, carrying a small bag with Naruto and Sai right behind him. "No. But I'm ready to go."

"You're not driving!" Naruto gawked at me as if I'd grown another head and I groaned.

"I want to ride my own fucking bike!" Did they have no idea how miserable I was?

Sasuke went to his own bike and secured his bag to it. "Ride with me this once." He said, his voice turning soft, those dark eyes meeting mine and calming me in an instant.

I still wasn't happy about it, but I got off my bike and walked over to his. The guilt from what Sasuke had endured because of me still weighed heavily on my heart and mind. There wasn't but so much arguing I could really do with the guy. He'd saved my life… he'd killed his brother. I would back down, just this once.

"Keep us posted and we'll do the same." Naruto said and Sasuke and I both nodded.

Sasuke got on his bike and I took a deep breath before getting on behind him. It was the first time I'd ever ridden with any of my men. In fact, the only man I'd ever ridden with was my father and that was long, long ago. It felt strange, but not in a bad way. My hands wrapped around his waist as soon as he started the bike. He was much broader than I'd ever noticed.

We bid everyone goodbye and got on the road. I explained to Sasuke how to get there as we pulled out before he picked up speed. The wind in my hair felt so refreshing and the leather of his vest felt nice as well. I held tight to him as we rode along smoothly, the scent of him heavy in my nose.

He really had to be the worst person possible for this job. Sasuke had a way of making me feel things that I shouldn't have been feeling. He made my eyes wander, and my mind turn to dark places it knew nothing about.

We made it to my place after a half an hour ride. Nobody was tailing us, there was nothing suspicious noticeable on our way. My home had a gated entrance, with tall fencing surrounding the entire property. If someone wanted to get in, they wouldn't do so easily.

I unlocked the gate and got back on the bike with Sasuke. It only took a moment to get to the garage. He stopped the bike and I got off once more to open the garage door. Just as I bent to grab the handle and pull the door up, Sasuke beat me to it. I blinked at him in surprise, having not noticed him even get off of his bike.

He offered me nothing more than a stoic look as he pulled the garage door up and got back on his bike to pull it inside. I didn't bother closing the garage, deciding to leave that to him since he would obviously fight me to get it done anyway. I went to the door inside the garage and pulled my keys out of my vest to unlock it while he cut off the bike and closed the garage door.

Once I made it into the kitchen I turned the light on and stood in place just looking around. It seemed like ages had passed since I'd last been here. I missed it, but this was now the home away from home. Home had become the club.

It wasn't like that was a problem with me. I liked things that way. It was my choice alone not to return to my home even on days when I had the time to do so. I liked being submerged in the business and always having something to do. There was a point in time where I wasn't sure if I'd ever return here, for a little peace and alone time.

Now that I had, I couldn't even be alone. I understood the guys worries and I had to respect it after ever what happened, but it still hurt. It hurt because I never wanted them to have to worry about me like this. I was equal to my men.

When I really thought about it, I would have done the same for any of them if it came down to it and for some reason I feared for their life. So why was I being so difficult? As usual…

"Nice place." Sasuke said as he joined me in the kitchen, looking around as he dropped his bag on the counter.

"Thanks." I sighed, feeling pretty down about my attitude problem.

Walking over to my liquor cabinet, I pulled out a bottle, glaring at it instead of Sasuke since I felt his eyes on me and knew he was judging me. I just wanted one drink. It wasn't like I didn't want to get better, or I wanted to be impaired with alcohol enhancing the effects of my medication, but I liked to drink. It calmed me, it made everything smoother and simpler.

I sat the bottle on the counter and got two glasses, deciding he could have a drink with me and maybe he wouldn't end up complaining. I filled the glasses with ice, poured us both a drink and handed one to him before picking up my own.

This time alone with him could prove to be a good thing. There were questions I wanted to ask him, but I just hadn't worked up the nerve to do so yet. I wanted to know more about his brother, the leader of the Akatsuki. I figured there had to be some bad blood between them, and it had to be like that for quite some time.

Otherwise, surely Sasuke would have worked with his brother, or even became a part of the stupid Akatsuki. Thankfully that had never happened. I quite liked having him on my side. I liked it a lot. I was glad he'd joined us and I'd never let him go.

While sipping my drink I took the time to think over all that had happened since he'd gotten into the clan. Just meeting him and having all those confusing feelings he gave me. How much he attracted me and drew me in. The way he never stopped watching me. How smoldering that gaze of his was and the way it unnerved me.

It pissed me off to no end that I loved everything about the guy so much. He was sexy as hell and exuded confidence in a way that was so attractive I just couldn't get over it. The way he came onto me, telling me I was his when I was far from his… and yet I couldn't deny it. My body caved to him. I couldn't argue. I couldn't snap at him… I couldn't even fight him off.

Because I didn't want to.

I liked it. I liked him. And he fucking knew it.

Things changed after the Akatsuki abducted me and he found me like he had. I didn't remember everything, but I knew he did and I couldn't imagine how it all made him feel. But he wasn't the same anymore. Those dark pools I loved so much were cold and sad. He didn't look like he'd ever tease me again. His eyes didn't even follow me in the same way they had before.

I supposed it couldn't be helped. The guy probably seen me as nothing more than damaged goods. He'd walked in on me completely naked, battered and bruised and cut to hell and back. The mere thought of looking at me now probably repulsed him… and though it might not should have mattered to me, it did. It hurt to know that he didn't feel the same way about me.

I'd ruined things before they could ever get started… and I hadn't even realized I wanted them to start. It was against everything I believed it. I never wanted a man emotionally or physically, but Sasuke made me think otherwise because I did find him so appealing in every way.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I glanced at him briefly, frowning when I noticed the same pitying look in his eyes. I'd been so distracted by my thoughts that I hadn't even tasted my drink, and Sasuke had finished his. "Don't fucking look at me like that." I told him, voice quiet but venomous.

His obsidian eyes averted from mine and he turned away from me completely to pour himself another drink. "How do you expect me to look… when you're not even the same anymore."

"What the hell are you on about, Uchiha?" My hand was squeezing the cold glass I held too tight. I felt a tremble coming on that I desperately tried to fight off.

"I don't want to talk about it." He muttered, having his glass refilled and turning to walk away from me.

"You're going to just walk the fuck away from me? Seriously?" A laugh escaped me that was far from humorous. I rolled my eyes and finally took a long swallow of my drink, feeling more down now than I had before.

"It's best if I do for now. Trust me."

Weak. Emotional. Two things I had never been before, were now the main things I was consisting of. Tears blurred my vision as Sasuke disappeared into the living room, leaving me alone with my ever-confusing feelings.

For the majority of my life, I'd had to be a hard ass. Emotionless aside from my anger. Strong willed and smart witted. I'd been through a lot, but it was life. War was constantly happening in one form or another and I'd never been able to live a carefree life. There was always something or someone to worry about.

Death was constantly hanging over our heads but then… when I had actually accepted I was going to die…. When it really seemed to be over for me, I'd never been more afraid. How much living had I actually done? Was my life even worth anything at all? I was important to my men… my clan… my family, all of them one and the same. But one I was gone, what would happen to them?

What would happen to everything?

My thoughts were nonsensical and yet I couldn't stop thinking them… worrying about things that I'd never worried about before. I was sad… an emotion that had never really agreed with me. I didn't feel happy, because for some reason… I wanted so much more. I wanted to live more, do more… feel more.

And I was feeling more now, but in all the wrong ways.

This wasn't what I wanted. I'd hurt my men and I'd hurt myself by making a mistake I would probably regret for the rest of my life. I needed to listen to them more. Whether I was the leader or not, we were a family. We had to look out for each other, and yet I was only always giving them a hard time.

I wanted to do better… be better. I wanted to be happy and I wanted them happy. I'd get myself back right one way or the other and then I'd work on them, starting with Sasuke.

A/N:

Thanks for reading!

There's still a good bit to happen here, especially between Sasuke and Sakura.

And yes, there will be lemons so don't worry. We just gotta work up to them. Lol.

I know this story can be a little much, with all the attitude and it's far from perfect. But I like to experiment with different worlds and stuff. Honestly, this is one of my favorites because to me, it's funny and different. So to any of you who have stuck by me and this fic and do like it, thanks a lot! It means a lot to me. I hope you'll continue to enjoy. :)