CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

I eventually found the strength to leave the Crimson Room. On the way back to my office, I found Bennett and asked him to contact Doctor Molina and request to push back our appointment. I would contact him when we had made a decision.

Once again, I found solace in my study. I had the Founder's Ball to plan for after all. I had wasted enough time and effort on the situation. That is what I referred to Bella's and my impasse. With the ball only two more weeks away, it was the perfect solution to focus my mind on, so I wouldn't have to think about the "situation."

I didn't see Bella for three days after our argument. Taking to sleeping in my office, having meals brought to me and showering in the gym, I managed to avoid her. If I hadn't received updates from Bennett each morning, I wouldn't have even known if she were still here. I felt that she was already gone, and I hated myself for not swallowing my pride and going and begging her for forgiveness.

When I did finally see her, it was an accident. I was walking back from the gym when she was walking down the hall. Our eyes met and for a second, I contemplated running in the opposite direction, but I felt that if I did that, she would definitely leave. I felt it in my bones so instead I took a breath and walked in her direction. My eyes searched hers to see if I could gauge how this conversation was going to go but she looked as uncomfortable as I.

"Hey…" I whispered.

"Hey…" She copied back.

We both stood there not sure what we should say next. Bella's eyes gazed off to the side and looked as if she were about to leave.

"I'm sorry. I am being an asshole. I know you probably think the worst of me and I don't blame you. I…I'm trying but…"I stopped unable to finish.

Bella breathed out a sigh.

"Do you have anyone…to talk to?" She asked softly.

I shook my head.

"I don't want to talk to anyone. I just…need to figure this out."

"You need someone to talk to…someone to be there for you. You don't want that person to be me…I get that, but you need to find someone. You can't do this on your own. You'll just drive yourself crazy," Bella said.

I nodded slowly.

"What about you? Do…you talk to anyone? Alice? Emmett?"

Emmett hadn't gone back to the United States. Like everyone else, I hadn't seen him, and lord knows I didn't want to. I was sure he would punch my lights out for how I was treating Bella. I only knew he was still here because of Bennett.

"Yes…actually, I have been talking to Rosalie. She has been great. She has been super sweet about everything."

"Rosalie?" I said her name in repulsion.

"Yes, Rosalie. She has been supportive. She even knows that when you tell a person that your baby has Down Syndrome, you're not supposed to apologize to them. You should say, congratulations because contrary to what you may think, down syndrome is not a death sentence. It isn't an infliction. It is a beautiful thing."

I scoffed.

"Bella, Rosalie is screwing with you. Her above all people don't think that Down Syndrome is a beautiful thing. Think about it. She is the picture of perfection and wants the crown to remain the same. She would never be happy for you. She is just saying all that to turn us against one another. She knows that supporting you would make you want to hate me for not being able to do so myself."

Bella looked at me and folded her arms across her chest with a little smile playing on her lips.

"Wow! You are so…arrogant. My god, what happened to you?" She asked rhetorically.

I could feel my whole body burn with anger.

"I've known her longer, Bella. If you want to pal around with Rosalie, don't say I didn't warn you when you get burned," I spit and then charged off in the opposite direction.

"I'm pretty sure that's your job," She replied.

I stopped in my place but then calmed myself enough to not give a rebuttal. I swear that Rosalie was nothing but trouble. She probably sensed that this was the only move she could make. If she managed to split Bella and I up, then it would mess with my head enough for me to consider giving the throne a pass. I would take my place out of spite if nothing else.

I was so angry that I couldn't return to my office so once again I find myself back in the gym but instead of going for a run to let some of my pent-up anger out, I decide to put on some gloves and take my frustrations out on the punching bag instead.

I am so focused on the bag that I don't even realize that I have an audience. I practically jump out of my skin when I turn around and see Rosalie sitting on a leather couch nearby with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What do you want?" I snapped. Apparently, the punching bag wasn't the miracle worker I had hope it would be.

"I wanted to talk to you. You seem to…have such a low opinion of me since you're telling Bella that I have a hidden agenda," She said.

"I know you do. Princess Rosalie doesn't do anything that won't benefit Princess Rosalie," I spit using her title as a dig against her. "You know what is expected of us. You buy into more than anyone I know. We are the royal family and with that…it means we have no margin for error. You would never think that a child with Down Syndrome should be anywhere near us. An embarrassment to our throne."

She looked at me and then rolled her eyes shaking her head slightly. I stood there waiting for my breath to calm from my workout. Waiting to hear what the great Rosalie was planning on saying to me. In the past, we were famous for our arguments. I was counting on her to give me just that. How I yearned to have a verbal sparring match at this moment and Rosalie was the perfect target to give me what I wanted.

"You know…you and I were friends once upon a time," She started softly. I wasn't expecting it, but she seemed to not want to play the game I had in mind. "I would come here every summer and we would play and…I practically thought of you like a brother. Every holiday…we were happy."

She took a breath before continuing and I felt my guard come down only slightly as she stared out the window to our garden. I replayed images in my head of the moments from our past and she was right, once upon a time, we were happy. Friends even.

"Then my mother left and…she took a piece of me with her. My father died…and I stopped coming here because I was angry…and jealous of you. You had a dedicated mother. You had a father who was still living. Then a year ago, they told me that…" She took a deep breath and clenched her jaw, "I would never have a baby."

I see her fight to stay strong. I see her arms rigid as she breathes slowly and shakes away the thoughts.

"I didn't have anything left. But I have this title," She said looking to me. "I poured everything into this…all of this. I could be a princess. The perfect princess that could run circles around you if ever given the chance. I could throw away all the hopes and dreams I once had of my future and do this."

I see her take another breath but this time the war of fighting her tears was lost.

"You have baby…an amazing baby. She's not an embarrassment. She is a miracle, Edward. She is a miracle…I'll never have. And you don't deserve her."

"You above all people I thought would understand. They expect perfection! We are held to a higher standard!" I barked.

"Yes, we are! You are held to a higher standard," Rosalie snapped back. "So why don't you start by raising the bar and show the world that there is beauty in all people! Ability. Disability. Every soul has worth and who better than the next king of our great country to show everyone that we accept all. That we are better for it. You want to make your mark in history and here you have this opportunity fall into your hands and the way you have acted, you should be ashamed. You will not make a great king if you are able to dismiss a whole group of people so easily."

I stood there with a lesson coming from Rosalie on compassion. I don't know what I hated more. That she was right or that she was better than me? I waited for my brain to come back with a rebuttal, but I was failing this debate. Now I hated that she was winning. I searched my argument for something I could fire back at her, but nothing came.

"I'm going to say something…and I know that I will probably regret it but…you're losing her. Bella. She has been so loyal to you and she struggled with what we are, but she always said over and over that she loved you and that…you loved her. You…would have her back and therefore, she had yours and so she put on the dress. She memorized what she needed, and she changed herself for you. I see it more because I know the girl who I started with and who she has become. She will make a far better queen than I ever could but…at this point, you'll be lucky to talk her into marrying you, let alone be your queen. Because I guess I was right. All those weeks that I told her that her loyalty was silly…I was right. You turned your back on her the second it got hard. Didn't take much and I hope that you feel it every single night when you go to bed, and she isn't there. I hope you know that you are the reason for your pain and suffering. Not me and certainly not some baby. You don't get to blame God or this baby for that. You did this."

She turned and walked toward the door.

"Have a nice reign," She taunted.

I pull off my gloves and throw them hard not really caring what they hit. They make a loud thump, but nothing breaks. I throw my towel of sweat down and then see the punching bag taunting me. I start with one jab and when that isn't enough I keep going and welcome the pain my bare hands endure.

Rosalie was right.

Throwing the "situation" aside for a moment, she was right. If I stayed here and never pushed myself to go after Bella, she would leave. I had to decide, what was more important. Down Syndrome or Bella? Could I raise a child with disabilities with Bella? Could I do that for her? Love this child? If I couldn't find it in me to love this baby, it wouldn't be right to keep Bella here. She would surely see through my charade and how could I expect her to marry a man and love a man who couldn't love her daughter?

I stop pounding on the bag and look at my knuckles that bared open wounds. I wipe the blood off with my shirt and manage to find my way back toward the showers. I must have been sitting in there for nearly an hour. The steam calming me down in a way I hadn't found before.

I need Bella.

Rosalie was right. I would need Bella by my side if I was going to be king. I love her. I can't do this without her. I feel my whole body convulse as I retch up the trivial contents of my stomach all over the shower floor. Even though the shower sprays are raining down hard, I know my own tears are mixed in.

My body sags as I contemplate how I can ever find a way back into Bella's heart.

Slowly I pull myself from off the ground and go through the motions of drying off and redressing. I leave the gym and vow to not use any room as an escape from this point on. My father was right. I ran from my problems. I was sure he was disappointed in me now. However, I briefly wondered if my mother and he would feel as I did about the "situation." Not only was I going to have to fight to want to do this for Bella, but I would need to fight my own parents and make them believe that Bella keeping this baby was for the best.

"Bennett, where is Miss Swan?" I asked catching Bennett a little off guard. I see him visibly shrink and I know it is due to how I have treated him and the entire staff.

I see him clear his throat and take a breath.

"I'm…not sure, Your Highness," he began. I already feel my body break out in a sweat at his words. "She never leaves the palace but…she is nowhere to be found."

"Why didn't you tell me this?" I hissed.

"Uh…I…I believed that you wanted to be left alone, sir. I will let you know the moment we find her."

I feel my breaths coming fast and short as I begin to think of where she would go. I gave her back her passport. Maybe she decided to use it. I run away from Bennett and fly up the stairs toward our room. I barge through the door to the Chesterfield Suite and began to frantically look around for any sign that she left. I go over to her drawer on the nightstand and pull it open vigorously causing the contents to scatter about the room. I look around and try to locate the passport, but I don't find what I am looking for.

I run over to the closet and see the clothes are all still there but knowing my Bella, she wouldn't take them with her if she were to leave so I head towards the bathroom and see all her toiletries still there, but this proof doesn't give me hope. I was about to search about her room some more when she walked through the door with her purse in tow.

"Edward…what are you doing?" She asked looking at my frantic state and seeing her personal belongings lying all over.

I breathed out a sigh of relief at the sight of her and then look around for an answer.

"I…I thought you might have left."

"I…did. I went to town to…" She stops herself not really sure if I want to hear her explanation.

"You went to town to do what?" I asked hoping she wasn't trying to find the fastest plane, train or automobile that would take her away from me.

She sighed and went to sit on the bed.

"Do you really want to know?" She asked softly.

I nod, and I already fear the worst. I prepare myself to hear the next words come from her mouth. My mind in turmoil on the proper words that will get her to stay with me.

"I found a doctor. Another doctor. I…don't wish to see Doctor Molina again. I found a great doctor who supports my decision and she was giving me a full workup."

I feel my heart begin to slow. She was looking for a doctor. Which meant that she was planning on staying because if she wanted to leave, she wouldn't go to a Caldonian doctor.

"Oh…uh…you should probably have her sign a non-disclosure agreement…I mean, I know she isn't allowed to divulge anything but in Caldonia an NDA can have the power to earn a life sentence if broken against the royal family. It's the very best way of protecting yourself."

She nodded and bit her lip.

"I know. Your mother gave me one. It's signed."

My jaw dropped unconsciously at this information. My mother would never give her that form unless she was okay with Bella seeking other medical advice.

"You talked to my mother?" I asked.

Bella nodded once again.

"Yes…she…" Bella can't seem to find the words. "She's been very supportive. She…has been very kind and motherly. Not that I would necessarily know what that is like but…I imagine that she has given me something to look up to. I talk to her everyday…"

I still can't fathom that my mother is okay with all of this, so I press some more.

"She knows about the diagnosis and she is…okay with it?"

Bella sighed and begins to shake her head slowly.

"Let me guess, she too has a hidden agenda. She is only being supportive because she secretly wants us to break up, so I can take my spawn as far away from the royal family as I can get it," She spit.

"No…I…"I attempt to speak but it seems as if I have awakened the warrior in Bella.

"What is it, Edward? Why are you here? Come to bring me more information from Google that will magically make me forget all my principles and side with you and get rid of this baby. God, I swear!"

"That isn't why I am here. If you would just give me a minute to try and speak with you," I huffed.

"A minute? You have had about ten thousand minutes to speak with me and not only did you not do so but you left me. Alone. Alone at one of the scariest moments of my life. I understand that you are having a hard time with this. I didn't expect you to just jump on the Down Syndrome pride parade and embrace this happily. I expected that you would keep your promises to me. I expected that you would love me and respect me enough to tell me that you are having a hard time and needed moments to yourself. Not to abandon me and find every way possible to avoid me and treat me like crap."

Her face was red, and her tears were angry. I didn't even know if what I could find in her eyes a hint of love for me.

"I'm sorry," I apologized lamely.

She folded her arms back over her chest and her shirt pulled to reveal her growing stomach.

"I don't know what you want from me, Edward other than an abortion I can't give you. I…do you want me to stay…go? I feel like my life is in a holding pattern waiting for you to make a decision and I hate it. I hate myself for it because if I had any self-respect, I should leave and get as far away from you as possible. But I stayed…because stupid Bella believes that you are the kind of man who will rise to the occasion."

Silence as I find the right words.

"I don't want you to go," I whispered.

Bella nodded and chews some more on her lip.

"But, you don't want to raise this baby," She stated.

I sighed and sat down on the couch knowing I should keep my distance from her.

"I haven't been around because I needed some time to wrap my head around this. I know I should be here holding your hand and telling you that it will be okay. We are going to love this baby no matter what…I wish I could give you that lie but I…"

I shake my head.

"Do you want to raise this baby with me?" She asked more pointedly.

"Bella, it's not that simple."

"Do you want to raise this baby with me?" She asked again.

"Are you giving me an ultimatum?" I asked with the same ferocity she had displayed.

"Are you planning on disappearing on me again? Am I going to have this baby and you treat it like the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Push me to shove it into a sanitarium like so many royals who came before? Look at me every single day with hate in your heart for something you felt I made you do?"

"Bella!" I snapped.

"Do you want this baby? It's a simple question. Do you want this baby?" She yelled.

"NO! I don't want it!" I screamed back.

Bella sat back on the bed and sighed.

"I guess I have my answer," She replied.

"No! You don't. You don't get to tell me that it is a simple question. It is not a simple question and how dare you for thinking it so! I want you! I'm sorry I don't feel the same way for…it."

"Please just get out. I can't…I just can't take anymore from you," She whispered dejectedly.

"Bella…please just…work this out with me," I tried again.

"You're right, Edward. This isn't a simple question. I'm sorry. I have been thinking and going about this the wrong way. Let's just get this out in the open. Right here and now. Let me be brave enough to say it," She said.

I wondered where she was heading.

"This baby…is not yours. I put that on you. Granted, you agreed at the time that you wanted it, but you weren't given all the facts to be able to make a valid decision. So, let's pretend that we are just Edward and just Bella and I am standing in front of my father's house in the middle of winter and I say…Edward, I am pregnant. This baby has Down Syndrome. You probably should get back in your car and go home. I am giving you a get out of jail free card. I won't be upset with you. You should not feel guilty. Please just…take it."

I slowly shook my head. She was right. I had every right to walk away because this wasn't my baby. It may have been my words that hurt Bella to cause her to go to that party. It was my actions of not pulling her out of that room when I knew very well that I could have stopped her. But, in the end, she made a decision and now a baby was the price she had to pay.

I can't think of any response. She gave me an out. I could walk away and be done with it all. But walking away from this baby would mean that I would need to walk away from Bella. I couldn't do it.

"I need more time…"

Bella got off the bed and picked up her purse.

"Take all the time you need, Edward. When you finally figure out what it is that you want…I'll be at Alice and Jasper's."

She stiffly walked out of the room leaving everything behind, including me.

AN: THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING.

STORY IS MINE CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER.