Love is War

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Chapter Thirteen

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DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO

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After finishing my drink and settling my emotions, I made my way through the kitchen and then the living room where Sasuke sat. Though I could see him kicked back on the couch on my way, I never looked at him directly on my way through. Now wasn't the time. He obviously had his own thoughts to mull over, and I honestly had no idea what to say to him.

I went to my room, wanting a bath. Of course I would make my way back to him afterwards. I'd have to show him to a room he could stay in. But for now, it was best if we both had a little space. I walked in my bedroom, closing the door behind me before stripping my way into the bathroom. My left shoulder burned like hell from the movement, even though I was careful to remove my vest and T-shirt with minimal movement on that side.

It sucked. The bruises and welts felt almost nonexistent compared to the two places I'd been skinned. My thigh and my shoulder, they constantly burned. It would take forever to heal and nothing was worse than keeping those two areas cleaned. It was a must to prevent infection and yet, it was so excruciating that I could hardly tolerate it.

I had to mentally prepare myself by taking deep breaths as my bath filled with water. I wouldn't get to enjoy a nice soak and relax. I'd have to sit on the edge of the tub to clean myself, because I couldn't handle the warm water on that exposed skin. Even for the brief time it took to clean those areas it was almost unbearable.

After washing the rest of my body, I held my breath while wringing out my soapy wash cloth above the wound at my thigh. My jaw locked as I groaned, fighting to keep my voice at bay being that my home didn't have soundproof walls like most of the club did. I didn't want Sasuke to hear me. I didn't want him to know how truly weak I was at the moment.

Once more and then a following rinse and my whole body was on fire, my leg shaking from the abuse I was putting it through. I growled out through the pain, my teeth clenched all the while.

"Fuck." I seethed, dropping the wash cloth and holding my aching leg with both hands. I was panting as I fought off the pain for the next several seconds and just the thought of cleaning my shoulder had me trembling. "Goddammit." I squeezed my eyes shut, my breathing labored as I released my leg to get ready for the shoulder.

I had to admit, though I wasn't sure why, it was definitely more tolerable when Kabuto cleaned the areas for me. Maybe it was worse because I was having to do it to myself, and always knowing the exact moment it was going to happen. I bit my lip, tears coming back to my eyes as I remembered that awful time.

Now I was forever scarred, and I knew deep down that it ran much deeper than the physical sense. All too often I was thinking about the incident. I couldn't run away from it because I had constant reminders all over my body. I needed time to move past it all, which was another reason I wanted to come home and be alone for a while. I didn't want to drag anyone into my depression, and then it just had to be Sasuke who came with me.

Having much less meat across my shoulders might have played a part in it being the worst of the two. Even after a few more minutes, I was still shaking just at the thought of cleaning the wound. I'd probably scream like hell. Knowing I couldn't do that without Sasuke hearing, I grabbed a dry wash cloth from the shelf beside the tub and put it in my mouth, biting down hard on it.

I could do this, and I could do it without screaming. Or so I thought, until that soapy water hit that raw skin and I wailed, jaw shut tight as my teeth gritted against the cloth. Tears fell from my eyes as I dropped the cloth in my hand and gripped the side of the tub hard, the pain great enough to keep my entire body quaking.

"Sakura?!"

Shit. Sasuke was in my room. I couldn't release my hold on the tub but I forced my teeth apart and spit out the cloth. "I'm fine!" I managed in one harsh breath.

The bathroom door slammed open then and though I had the certain urge to kill the bastard, I couldn't even move to turn and look at him.

"What… the fuck…" I panted, glaring hard at the wall ahead of me.

"Sakura…" Sasuke whispered, walking closer to me. "this is what you call fine?" He asked, voice so low, so soft.

"It's better than it was." I ground out, the pain finally starting to subside. "Trust me. Now get the hell out."

Surprisingly, I didn't feel violated or ashamed with him seeing me naked and shaken like this. He'd definitely seen worse, but it still wasn't right for him to be here. I still didn't want it. Unfortunately, he didn't give a damn.

"I'll help you." He offered, kneeling down by the tub next to me and peering around to look at my face.

"You don't need to." I whispered, meeting his eyes with the weakest glare I'd ever managed.

"No, but I want to."

After that, Sasuke helped me, adding more cold water to my bath until it was just lukewarm. He explained that the warmer water was only making the raw skin worse. I felt pretty stupid but just listened quietly, bracing myself as he ran the water across my wounds. I found it much easier this way, especially with the cool water.

Once I got out Sasuke grabbed my towel, carefully and gently patting the affected area on my shoulder dry. I would have never gotten it as easily as he did, so I certainly couldn't complain. His eyes never took in the whole of my nakedness and he never made me feel uncomfortable. When he left me alone to dry the rest of my body, I found that I respected him a lot more now.

I dried off quickly, though remained slow and mindful of my thigh as well. I went into my room then and quickly realized I hadn't brought in my dressings from Sasuke's bike. Cursing myself, I found some panties and shorts that I carefully got into. They were short enough not to touch my wound. I found a thin-strapped tank top that I put on, keeping the left side down under my arm so that it didn't touch the wound there.

"Sasuke?" I called his name as I walked through the hallway.

"I'm here." He answered from the living room.

My teeth clamped down on my lip when I saw him on the couch with my supplies sent by Kabuto. I could only sit next to him, silently praising him for his considerateness. He set out two of the dressings without a word before finding the soothing ointment that I always looked forward to. Keeping the skin moisturized was a big part of healing.

"Let me see your back." He said softly and I turned slowly to oblige.

His hands were so gentle as he applied the ointment. I sighed at the cooling sensation it gave me. It was like instant relief, though it could only last so long. Once the wound was covered with the ointment, Sasuke covered the area with one of the treated dressings and taped it in place. It felt good and as pain-free as possible for the moment.

"Thank you." I told him, feeling more thankful than any words could ever express.

"What about your leg?"

"Um… I can… I can do it." I said, not wanting him to go any further out of his way when I could reach the area perfectly fine.

Though I couldn't deny, I really liked his soft touch.

After I managed to cover the area on my thigh as well. I sighed and turned on my right side, my good side and I was able to face him. He didn't look happy, but he didn't seem angry or annoyed. He'd calmed considerably since earlier. I knew he pitied me… and I didn't like it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered honestly, my eyes falling away from his shamefully.

"What for?" He asked in wonder.

"For everything. For you having to save me back then… for you witnessing it… for you having to kill your brother… for causing you so much trouble, even now."

"Sakura." He sighed, though his voice wasn't quiet anymore. "You haven't caused me any trouble and I never want to hear you apologize for any of this shit. I've wanted to kill my brother for years now, but never as much as when I found you that night. If I could kill that mother fucker again I would. A thousand times and it still wouldn't satisfy this anger I have. I'd never witnessed anything so horrific or felt so damn helpless. I hate that it happened… that you're still suffering, and that you probably will for a long time."

I couldn't understand why he cared so much, even as a member of the clan, the family. He hadn't been with me long at all. Of course it would affect anyone to find someone in such a predicament, but why he was so wounded himself, almost on a personal level, I just didn't understand.

"I'll be fine. It bothers me, of course it does. It was a brutal experience and I hurt… a lot. But that pain is fading gradually every day. I will eventually forget. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't want that night to be the only thing you see every time you look at me, and I know it is."

"You're wrong." He shook his head slowly. "I look at you and I see a trigger-happy fireball. A dirty mouthed, bossy ass pretty girl. But I also see that these days, you're faking it and I don't like that shit."

"Pretty girl?" I scoffed. He obviously didn't know who he was talking about.

"All the shit I said and that's what you want to comment on?" He shook his head with a chuckle.

I shrugged. "Well it was the only part that didn't sound right."

"When I first met you, I was surprised. Not because you were a woman leading the gang, because I was already aware of that. But because you were a pretty girl. Your looks didn't fit the part."

"You make me want to get trigger happy." I muttered, looking away from him because I was surprised to find myself blushing at the fact that he thought I was pretty.

If anybody was pretty around here, it was him.

He laughed at me then. "Not good with compliments, are you?"

"Guess not." I sighed. It wasn't like I hadn't received plenty of them throughout my life, but I was used to kicking ass over such things. When it came to Sasuke though, I just didn't feel that way, even if I tried to act like I did. "So, how about one more drink before bed?"

"You're impossible. Fucking alcoholic."

"You wanna fight about it?" I scowled at him as he stood with a smirk. "One more and that's it. Tomorrow you're not going to pull this shit. I'm not above calling Naruto on your ass."

"You wouldn't dare." I gawked at him as he walked into the kitchen but he only laughed darkly in response.

Asshole. Damn I liked him. It was so annoying.

He brought us both a drink and I sipped mine slowly. Since I was limited I wouldn't drink quickly like usual. Each sip left that cool burn inside me that I craved. It had been forever since I'd had a good buzz. As soon as I was off my meds I was definitely getting shitfaced and I hoped one of the guys would try and stop me.

"I should probably call and see how things are going…"

"Sakura, you've been gone for a few hours. Everything is under control. Don't worry about the club."

It wasn't that easy. "Yeah but,"

"No buts. Don't even try to call." He warned me and I pouted as I stared at my glass.

And he thought I was bossy.

"I won't call then, tonight." But come tomorrow morning I'd be waking their asses up to find out what was going on.

"You're supposed to be here worrying about you, if you wanted to spend time worrying about the club then you should have just stayed there."

"Whatever." I grumbled before having another sip of my drink. Lucky for Sasuke he could drink to his heart was content without anybody breathing down his neck. It pissed me off.

I wondered how long the process of my healing would actually take. Not even until I was fully healed, but until I was free to do as I pleased. I wanted to ride my own bike, though I really couldn't complain about riding with Sasuke. I wanted to move without the pain, take a nice long bath without it scalding me and look at myself in the mirror without seeing that dreadful night.

"I'm serious, you know…" Sasuke sighed, bringing me out of my thoughts. "We're here to focus on you. You don't need to be worrying about anything else."

He didn't understand that it wasn't that easy for me, but I decided not to argue with him. "You're right." I admitted quietly. It was for the best. I wanted to get better as soon as possible, both mentally and physically so that I could get back to work with my men.

A little vacation could do no harm and honestly, I was looking forward to spending some time with Sasuke. Even though I knew it probably wasn't in my best interest.

Once I finished my drink, I showed him to a room that was at the other end of the hall from my own. Instead of walking in, he scowled at me.

"Problem, Uchiha?" I glared back at him.

"I'm sure there's another room closer to yours."

"This is more than close enough." I told him flatly, but he stood his ground.

"You're damn lucky that I'm willing to stay in a separate room with me being the only protection you have in this place. I'm not sleeping this far from you. I need to be close if something happens."

Annoying. "This place is secure, there's nothing to worry about and I have own protection. I'm always armed."

"It doesn't fucking matter. Give me a room closer or I'll sleep on the floor next to your bed."

I gaped at him, unable to believe he could be so demanding towards me in my own home. I knew he wouldn't take no for an answer so after a moment, I relented, though I was far from happy about it.

"Fine. Don't you dare barge into my room unless you hear me shooting."

"As if I'd wait til it got to that point." He muttered as he followed me further down the hall. There was another room just across the hall from my own. I opened the door and he stepped in immediately, seeming rather pleased with himself. "Much better."

"Asshole." I rolled my eyes and turned my back to him but didn't take another step. With a sigh I looked back at him. "Thanks… for tonight." I muttered even though I sincerely meant it.

"Don't mention it." He gave me a nod and I went into my room then.

That guy could still make my heart race, even from a look alone and I still hated how much I liked it. I wasn't sure if I could ever get used to it, but a part of me wanted to. I couldn't help wondering how this time alone with him would go. He didn't seem repulsed by me and that was a good thing, since even I was repulsed when I looked in the mirror. My whole body was scarred for good and yet, he didn't even seem to notice, nor did he seem to care.

I didn't know why it mattered to me, but I didn't want him to pity me for that incident. I wanted him to always look at me like he always had. I never wanted that to change. Deep down I hoped that he hadn't changed his mind about me because I'd never liked a man like I liked him.

It would probably take some time, but I was hoping for many changes when it came to things in my life.

A/N:

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