CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
I spent two days at my computer reading post after post and trying to get a better idea of what my life would look like with this child in it. The fears parents shared openly with the community on upcoming surgeries or procedures. The love and pride shared for even the simplest task accomplished by their children. I watched videos and read countless accounts of what and how Down Syndrome changed their life.
There were some posts that were nearly hard to read for someone like me who was already worried about the future. There were parents who struggled every single day. Whether it be over their nonverbal child and the struggles they had or parents who had to constantly fight for equality. It blew my mind how all over the world, people had to fight to even have the most basic respect for their child to be given due. Parents spent all their energy to fight in the face of discrimination for uncomplicated requests.
I began to ask questions on various sites always stating that I was a new parent and needed help and guidance. In a way, knowing that no one knew who I was, helped. It gave me freedom and with that freedom, I was able to ask all the questions I had been afraid to say out loud to my own family. And Bella.
I remembered the words that Rosalie said to me about showing the world what kind of people we were and having an opportunity to shed a positive light on Down Syndrome. There was so much that we could do in our position of prestige and power. It was finally making sense.
I searched out Rosalie on the Thursday before the Founder's Ball and shared with her everything I had learned. The more I read, the more it calmed me. Don't get me wrong, there were still plenty of worries in the back of my head but this time I planned on sharing those worries with Bella and hoped that by opening up to her and having an honest conversation, it would show her that I was growing.
"So…I guess…what should I do next?" I asked.
Rosalie stared into my eyes for a while and it made me nervous, but I never broke my gaze. She picked her fork back up and proceeded to take a bite of her fruit. She swallowed it and then sighed.
"I'm trying to decide if you are sincere. You aren't just telling me what I want to hear?" She inquired.
"No!" I shook my head emphatically. "Look, I know that I still have a long way to go and I'm not going to lie to you, I still have a lot of things that worry me. I mean…you should see how many of these babies are stillborn. If that happened…it would crush Bella. It would crush me…because…look, I still have a lot to research, but I promise that I am learning," I vowed.
Rosalie softened and placed her fork down.
"Okay, I guess you are ready for the next step."
I waited in anticipation for her instructions.
"You need to show Bella that you want this. You have the information so that when she finally does speak with you, she will know that you aren't just a bag of hot air spewing promises and apologies. You can now have an honest intelligent conversation with her, but you need to do something major to show her that you are on board with this baby," Rosalie said.
I let out a deep breath as I waited. I began to think of a grand gesture and I kept coming up blank. Normally when a man screwed up they would have to buy something fancy and expensive to get back in their woman's good graces. But Bella wasn't the type for overpriced sparkly jewelry.
"Bella isn't really the flashy jewelry kind of girl," I replied.
Rosalie rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"Of course, she isn't. Can't you think of something that you could give her that would show her that you are ready for this baby and everything that comes with it?"
I flopped back into my chair and stared at the empty plate in front of me. If you would have told me that Rosalie and I would voluntarily share a meal together, I would have told you to have your head examined. But here we were. Breakfast and all and not one word was said to cause either of us to rival. What could I give Bella to show her that I was all in? Bella wasn't a person that wanted expensive items to appease her. What could I give her? Something for the baby? Some kind of crib?
I looked up at Rosalie and I was sure my face showed my epiphany.
"Finally work something out over there?" Rosalie asked with the lazy raise of an eyebrow.
"Yes…I think I have. I got it! I must hurry. I need to go and meet with my parents straight away!" I jumped up from the table and nearly knocked my chair over. With two days until the ball, I was certain that my parents would not be happy with the discussion we were about to have. I checked the time and saw that my father wouldn't be home for another six hours. I couldn't wait for him, so I needed to seek out my mother's permission.
"Bennett, I need to know where my mother is," I quickly ordered on my way towards the kitchen.
"Your Highness, she is in town."
Crap!
"When do you expect her back?" I asked.
Bennett shook his head slightly and took a small step back, "Not for a couple of hours."
I nodded and knew I should wait but there was no time. With everything that was happening in the next couple of days, I couldn't wait for my parents' permission, so I made a bold yet slightly moronic move.
"Bennett!" I stated. "I need a sledgehammer!"
Bennett took another step back and gave me a wavering expression.
"Right now!" I ordered.
"Uh…yes, Your Highness."
Bennett left and returned ten minutes later with the desired object in his hands.
"Okay…if my mother asks, I will be on the third floor."
I took the sledgehammer in my hands and headed to the top floor. I went down the row of rooms on the West Wing and opened the door to one of the more grander suites. I walked toward the wall and pulled the framed painting from off it and placed it gently down on the opposite wall. I went through the door to the opposite side where there was a sitting room and pulled the framed artwork off the wall and then took a momentarily step back to prepare myself.
I took a breath and then grabbed the sledgehammer with my bare hands and after a few silent seconds I pulled back and with a loud grunt I slammed the sledgehammer into the wall with remarkable force. A few pieces of the décor came splintering off in my direction and I attempted to shield my eyes with my arm never letting go of my hammer.
Bennett came running through the door while I appraised the small hole I managed to make.
"Your Highness…." He began to sputter. "Please…please don't do this."
"It's okay, Bennett. This is going to be my daughter's nursery," I replied probably a little too calm. I believe he wondered if he was witnessing a royal mental breakdown. In my head, things were going along right but I imagine from the outside, others might see things a tad differently.
I began to pull up the sledgehammer once more and Bennett gave out a yelp causing me to stop.
"Would you at least be amenable to a pair of safety glasses, Your Highness?" Bennett asked.
I sighed and said, "Sure, find me a pair and I will wear them."
Bennett scurried off and out the door and I took that time to continue with my task. I don't know why but wielding that hammer gave me such clarity that I hadn't experienced in a very long time. It was during these moments I began to figure out my next step. I knew that the nursery wouldn't be done by Saturday. Besides, I had bigger problems on my plate. I needed to figure out a way to get Bella here to even see this and talk with me. I know that she said when I figured out what I wanted, she would be waiting. I wasn't naive enough to think that calling her up on the phone and telling her that I had a breakthrough and I was ready to have her come home would do the trick.
Jasper said Bella was managing which in translation meant that she was hurting. I momentarily put the sledgehammer down and begin to think of what I will say to have her meet me at the ball. Balls were already something on Bella's dislike list.
Bennett came rushing back in and appraised the larger hole in the wall before tiptoeing over to me with the glasses. No doubt that the extra time he took was to make a call to my mother.
"I need you to send Miss Swan an invitation to the Founder's Ball and include…. a dozen red roses with it," I commanded.
"Is there anything you would like me to put on the card, sir?" Bennett asked.
I thought of something to say but what could I ever begin to write that would have her want to come. I shook my head trying to find the right words, but nothing came. I thought over everything I had read the past few days and then it hit me. If she got it, then it would be great. If she hadn't read the poem, it would be a disaster.
"No, scratch the roses. A dozen tulips and put on the card…I am ready to go with you to Holland."
Bennett gave me a questioning look but nodded and then walked off leaving me with my hole. I walked backward and sat down on a chair behind me as I looked around the room. I thought about the card I was sending her. There was this story that seemed fairly famous in the Down Syndrome community called, Welcome to Holland. It told about a person who was planning a trip to Italy and somehow ended up in Holland where they didn't know the customs, language or anything. It was a metaphor on how we all believe we are going to have a typical child and we prepare for that but then life gives you Down Syndrome and suddenly you must adjust your expectations.
My parents were a tad upset with my sudden need to renovate the upstairs wing. I told them that it was my grand gesture to get back in Bella's good graces. That seemed to calm them momentarily with the promise I wouldn't do any of the work from here on out myself. So, thankfully a small crew arrived on Friday morning and began demolition.
I hadn't heard back from Bella whether she would be at the Founder's Ball. I had no idea what I would do if she didn't show up. Either it meant that she got the card. Read the card and had no idea what I was talking about or worse, she got the card and decided against coming. It took everything in me to not call up Jasper but a large part of me was afraid of his answer.
I had one small backup plan for the Saturday evening if Bella did manage to come. It was a Hail Mary of a backup plan, but it was the only thing I could think to attempt if she did not seem amenable to listening to what I had to say.
I walked around and greeted my guests as I nervously awaited Bella's arrival. It seemed that I was able to master a pretty good fake smile as I continued to walk around and speak with people asking them to make weighty donations for a good cause. After all, that was what I was in charge of making the Founder's Day Ball all about.
The Prime Minister sought me out to give me compliments on my job well done and asked that we meet in a few weeks to discuss plans to help lower-income families.
"Actually, sir. I have been thinking. As much as I want to work on a program for those families…due to my own personal circumstances…I was hoping you would be open to allow me the opportunity to promote a program to help families who have children with special needs. My fiance and I recently learned that our daughter has a high chance of being born with…special needs," I hated that I still had trouble saying the words. "I know that Isabella and I have more opportunities to help our own child be successful because we have infinite resources at our disposal. But, there are many of our own citizens that I'm sure are struggling with necessities. I would very much like to establish a center where families could come and take classes or therapies and obtain help."
The Prime Minister looked at me in surprise.
"Your Highness, I mean there were rumors that your finance and you were expecting but I know you hadn't made an official comment…"
Crap. I had forgotten about all of that in the midst of what we were going through.
"I believe that we are planning to make an official comment very soon. We've…been going through some tough…times," I trailed off.
Benjamin reached out and gave my shoulder a supportive squeeze.
"I understand, Your Highness. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help with your endeavor."
I looked up from speaking with the Prime Minister and there she was. Dressed in royal blue satin. I feel my heart skip and then pound quickly as I take her in. Our eyes meet, and I dismiss the Prime Minister probably not doing so properly but I don't care because she came.
I slowly walk toward her and take a deep breath in. I see her cheeks begin to flush as she chews on her lip as I approach.
"You came," I all but whispered.
She looked around uncomfortably and then shook her head softly.
"I…didn't know if you had the power to throw me in the dungeon. I imagine that denying the Prince's wishes would bear a great penalty."
I'm not sure if she is joking but I certainly hope she is.
"Bella, I want to fix this problem," I said.
She sighed, and I see her eyes begin to brim with tears.
"That's the difference between you and I. You see a problem and I see a person," She replied.
"No! That's not what I meant," I said probably a little too harsh.
"Whatever Edward. Look, you have work to do and…I don't know if I should even be here. I know it is in my expectations to plaster on a smile even in times of grief, but I guess I am just not that good of an actress. We can talk another time. I can't do this…I can't…" She doesn't finish. Instead, she turns to walk away.
I look towards the string quartet and give the signal.
The music begins, and Bella is only a few steps away from me before her feet cause her to falter. She freezes in her spot. She doesn't turn around but instead waits as if she can't believe what she is hearing. I see her slowly begin to turn and I walk forward to meet her.
"Would you do me the honor of one dance before you go?" I asked.
She nods slowly, and I take her hand walking her toward the middle of the room. I never let go of her and even manage to hold her gaze. I pull her to me and we begin to move to the instrumental Bryan Adam's song, Please Forgive Me.
"I'm sorry, I tried to talk my mother into pizza rolls, but she wouldn't allow for that," I said.
"You spoke to your mother?" She wondered.
"I did…and if you can believe I have even been getting help from Rosalie."
Her eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open.
"I don't understand," Bella whispered.
We kept swaying to the music. Alone in our own little bubble even if there were a hundred or so people staring at us.
"My mother thought that she was the only one that could help me…I'm sure you can imagine, I was pretty desperate but…it has been going pretty well," I attempted to explain.
"Help you…with what?" She asked guarded.
I sighed and took another deep breath.
"Would you please come with me for just a few minutes," I implored.
I see her look around a little.
"Edward…your ball. We can't just leave. You have guests to attend to," she replied.
I shook my head, "I don't care about them. Please…just come with me?"
This time she sighed but she nodded softly, and I let her go, never releasing her hand. We walked out of the ballroom thankfully uninterrupted and I took her towards the stairs as we climbed up to the very top floor.
"Where are we going?" Bella asked. She was surely confused as to why I would need to go to the very top. She probably thought I was going to take her back to my room.
"You'll see," I said.
We finally made it to the West Wing of the palace and took her and stood in front of the double door.
"I know that I hurt you. That I…broke so many promises I made to you. There isn't anything I could say to ever repair that damage, but I need to try because I need you in my life and I am so sorry that I hurt you. This past week I have done what you asked me to do. I have asked for help, guidance and researched everything I could to prepare myself for this baby."
I nodded my head towards the double doors, "This isn't even close to being done but," I said opening the door, "I hope you will reconsider and be a part of my life because I very much want you and this baby. Sorry, it's a mess but I know have a great imagination so…"
"What is this?" Bella asked.
"It's a nursery. For our daughter," I replied tentatively.
I could feel my body tense as she slowly walked in and appraised the room. The construction crew managed to get the wall fully knocked down, so the room was now nearly double in size. The walls were stripped down to white and the electricity was out so the only light in was from the full moon.
Bella turned around to look at me.
"This is a really big room. You do know that there's only one baby in this stomach?"
I let out a small laugh feeling a little of my stress leave the body. At least she was making a joke. But then she sighed and sat down in the chair. I cringed because I imagined that even though the chair was covered with a cloth, it would have construction dirt or dust and now it would be all down the back of her lovely blue dress.
"I'm sorry. I have to take my shoes off. My feet are already swelling. I don't know what I was thinking of attempting heels tonight," She said pulling her dress up and revealing her sparkling gold two-inch heels.
"You wore heels?" I asked shocked. I went to her straightaway and crouched down to help her. Her stomach which was suddenly visible when she sat down and caused the fabric to tighten seemed to have grown double in size. The solid bulge caused her to struggle as she tried to loosen her shoes herself.
"I know. Stupid right?"
I released her feet from their confines and placed the shoes beside her. I was still kneeling down in front of her when I finished my task and was ready for what would come next.
"Look, Edward…" She began, "I know I told you that I would be at Alice's when you finally made up your mind and I want to believe the sincerity in your words but…you have the ability to change your mind a lot. You think you want this and then next week, who's to say you won't begin ignoring me again."
"I…I won't," I vowed.
"No, you don't seem to get it. I don't know how to trust you. These past few weeks have been the worst weeks of my life. I thought my dad dying was hard but…having you walk away from me and believe that abortion was the answer and the way you talked to me and talked about this baby…it was far worse anything I have ever had to endure."
"I know, and I don't know what to do to make it up to you. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but I am begging you for one. I will do whatever it is that you need me to do. Please, Bella. Please. Please give me this chance. I love you. And…I love her too," I said placing my hand on her stomach. "Please give me the chance to show you with actions."
She didn't answer. She sat there appraising me until she reached out and took my hands and placed them on her stomach and pressed them tightly to her. I didn't know what she was doing but I willingly let her continue until I felt it.
I gasped and pressed on her stomach a little harder as the little girl inside began to kick around. Bella said in our fight that she had felt the baby move but I never had the chance to feel it for myself. I never let go of her stomach and laid my head in her lap as I begged for my second chance.
"I need time, Edward," She replied softly.
I looked up and into her eyes hoping I would find some answers.
"I…will agree to move back into Chesterfield. You stay in your room. I need time, but I know that if we are going to fix this, we should be close, but I can't…sleep with you just yet."
I began to nod.
"That's okay. I understand. Thank you," I said letting go of a breath that seemed to carry a lot of my weight. I felt my body begin to sag but at least this was a step in the right direction.
"If we go through with this…having a baby together…getting married…and so on, we need to promise one another that we will never abandon each other again. That we will work out whatever problem our future may hold for us. Because this is not the worst thing that will ever happen to us."
She was right. It wouldn't be the worst thing to happen to us. Nearly a year and a half later our lives would bear far worse but, it wasn't me who broke the promise.
"Absolutely. I promise."
"And…I want to talk to you. About…Down Syndrome but I think I have already taken a lot of your time and you really do need to get back down there. I don't think that I can…go. I'm sorry."
I looked at her confused and then it dawned on me what she meant. I had completely forgotten about the three hundred or so guests' downstairs.
"Oh...I forgot about that."
Bella allowed a small laugh to escape and it felt like pure oxygen. To hear that sound come from her was a light at the end of a very dark tunnel.
"Will you allow me to escort you back to your room?" I asked for purely selfish reasons.
She seemed to think about it but ultimately nodded her head. I didn't hold her hand. I was worried that she would think it was too much. I knew that I had a long way to go. I would have to go slower this time around than when I was courting her in Washington. Even though she was disgruntled Bella in Washington, hurt Bella would always be worse.
We began to walk down the steps toward the second floor and Bella slipped on her dress. Thank the Lord I was there. I easily reached out and caught her. I could feel my heart about near to pound straight out of my chest. I'm sure it was written all over my face.
"I know. I know. I'm clumsy," Bella sighed.
"Some things never change. Perhaps I will ask my parents about installing an elevator. It was stupid of me to put us on the top floor. What was I thinking?"
"You were probably thinking; how great my wife's claves will look. Plus, it will help with taking that baby weight off," She joked.
"No! I would never," I protested vehemently.
"I know, Edward…it was a joke," she replied awkwardly.
She pulled up her dress and went to take another step, but I put my hand out to stop her.
"Please, just let me carry you."
She batted my hand away and said, "No, that's ridiculous."
"Please Bella," I pleaded.
"I will be fine. I took off the heels and pulled up the dress…"
"Bella! Please. You have no idea the number of women I have seen this week to have stillborn. I…if you would just let me…" I trailed off hoping that my pleas wouldn't fall on deaf ears.
I see her soften a little and she let go of her dress. I took that as consent and reached down to pick her up. Her eyes never leave mine as I carry her, big dress and all down the steps. We don't even realize that I am still carrying her until I reach the door to her room. I gently place her back on her feet but I keep close to her. She opens the door to her room. I don't want to go back to the ball. I want to stay here with her. What if she changes her mind and leaves.
"Go have fun…I'll be here. I promise," She says as if she can read my mind.
"I can stay…" I attempt.
She places a gentle hand on my chest and sighed.
"You know I never took off this ring. I know you, Edward. I have faith in you…even when you lose your faith in us. I promise I will be here. You need to go. This night is important. We can talk tomorrow."
I let out a long sigh and back a little away.
"Okay," I acquiesced. "Sweet dreams."
I turned and headed back toward my duties. I don't even know why I am going. I will never be able to concentrate knowing that Bella is alone. I was so unfocused, I didn't even hear how much my Zenvo car went for. I was suddenly glad that all those years I was forced to keep a pleasant smile on my face and participate in the idle conversation had prepared me for moments like this.
The second I was able to leave, I practically ran back to my room. I pulled off my tie and dropped my coat to the floor as I headed toward the door that adjoined our rooms. I cautiously open it and whispered Bella's name. I see a ball in her bed and breathe out a sigh of relief at the sight. I backed up slowly and slide down to the couch in her room never taking my eyes off her. Wasn't it customary for the man in the relationship to sleep on the couch when a couple was quarreling? I didn't know if Bella was going to allow for it but I didn't care. I flipped off my shoes and dress socks and slide to rest on the firm couch. I replayed the feeling of the baby kicking in Bella's stomach and fell asleep, the most relaxed I had been in weeks.
AN: THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING.
STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.