headcanon: fanfic sucks

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Savannah never really thought she was beautiful. But her world had been shaken upside down when the illustrious Sam Winchester complimented her hair. And, then again, when the swoon-worthy Dean Winchester winked at her. Her life had been so dull, so meaningless, but now, it was full of purpose, and extremely attractive men.

The former incident had occured, as per usual, on a Tuesday. She had been sitting in the school cafeteria, eating the Mystery Vegan Surprise out of a soda can, and her hair had been in shambles. It had been greasy, tangled, so, so, messy. Yet, still, Sam had seen something in it. He'd seen something in her. She'd felt as though this was a metaphor for her life. Greasy, tangled, so, so messy, especially when it came to trigonometry.

The latter incident had occured, as per usual, also on a Tuesday. The Winchesters, she would soon learn, were very fond of Tuesdays. She'd been in Remedial Not Cursing Out The Teacher, and Dean Winchester had just swaggered in, a cat-ate-the-canary grin on his face and a most unrespectful arrangement of words on his lips. "**** *** ** * ***** * * ** * ******!" he'd exclaimed at the teacher.

"Mr. Winchester, I'll have to take fifty points off your grade. You are somehow achieving BELOW an F. You have negative points in this class!"

"My ***** of a science teacher said I should ****in' try to reach absolute ****in' zero," he'd said.

Savannah had fallen in love instantly. She'd known he was dangerous. A real bad boy. He was bad at everything. Even bad at being good. But he'd been so, so...seductive. Dreamy. Impassionating. And, of course, downright SECKZI.

Plus, he wore a leather jacket.

"DEAAAAN!" the teacher'd scolded once again. "All you do is swear, skip class, and wear that damned leather jacket!"

"Five ****in' points off your ****in' grade," Dean'd scolded in return. "**** off, lady."

Savannah had giggled ever so slightly, and then it had happened. He'd looked at her. WINKED at her. She'd felt a strange warmth bubbling up in her chest. Dios mio. He was attractive!

And he'd WINKED at her!

Then she'd fainted, and had been sent to the nurse's office. It had all been rather embarrassing, but everyone had understood. It had been TOTALLY worth it.

Now she was sitting in the school cafeteria, her pink skirt swirling around her, eating the usual Garbage of the Day. Her eighteen closest girlfriends EW NOT IN THAT WAY FOURCHETTE SHUT UP were sitting next to her, giggling and gossipping and bending the boundaries of the space-time continuum. And then - the impossible happened. Dean and Sam walked up to her table!

She shrieked inadvertently. Not one, but two Winchesters, both at her table! It was one of her loftiest dreams come true! She could've kissed them both, right then and there, bounding up like an energetic puppy-dog upon meeting strangers on a walk just to reach their cloud-height faces. Oh, SAAAM, so tall and swoon-worthy, and DEEEAAAAN, so spoon-worthy and tall! NO, DEANNA, SHUT UP, I SAID SWOON-WORTHY!

"Sam, you ****er, look at her. She's ****in' blushin'," said the shorter but much sexier one.

"She certainly is, my good sir," said the taller but much sexier one. "What ought we to do?"

"Kill her, perhaps," said Dean. "Just ****in' gank her. Sounds like a ****in' field day."

Savannah shrieked again. "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

"Oh, my sweet little thing. I wouldn't kill you," said Sam, gazing into his brother's glistening sea-glass fanfiction green eyes.

"Yeah, dumbass. We're not gonna ****in' kill you. We're just gonna ****."

"INCEEEEEEEEEST!" shrieked one of Savannah's many girlfriends. Savannah stayed put, debating her odds. She could run away and be safe, but she'd miss the show of a lifetime...

Dean randomly threw a chair at the wall. "88888888888888 888 888 88 88 88888 8888 8888 8 8888 8 8888 88888!" he screamed in capitalized asterisks.

"Dean are you okay" said Sam ungramatically SORRY GUYS I WAS TIRED YOU'D BEEN DRIVING FOR DAYS, throwing a typewriter at the wall.

"Sam where did you get a typewriter?" asked Savannah.

"Not everything has to make since, Savannah," said Sam. His brother recovered from his momentary fit of teenage angst, and turned to Savannah, a wild, deep look on his face.

"You're ****in' hot."

He lunged towards her with the speed and strength of a wild Impala dashing across the Serengeti, gripping her face in his hands the way an alligator grasps its prey in its jaws. His lips met hers with an unflinching passion, and their tongues tangled mercilessly, MMA fighters struck with a sudden divine inspiration. It felt, she imagined, how Noah had felt the day that dove had returned with an olive branch that day on the ark, like her whole life had been forty days of rain and this was the first break in the clouds, the first sun in the storm. LET THERE BE LIGHT flashed through her head as she slurped her tongue around his teeth, tasting the cheeseburger he had eaten for breakfast. She also noticed that they tasted suspiciously of the way she'd imagined Sam's lips would taste. Maybe it was because they were brothers.

She felt as though she had been cast out of heaven and had landed in his arms, strong and sultry and secure, and he kissed her home, back to heaven, to God, to Michael, to Lucifer's sudden absence. To the Anelgske and the angels, to the lost souls found. To her lost soul found. In the history of the world, more specifically, Hollywood, there had been five kisses.

This one outkissed them all.

Dean pulled away, resting his forehead against hers and panting vaguely. "Hawt," he said, and then leapt away into the sunset.

It was 12 AM.

"Hey! Sam!" called Savannah. Her maybe-lover's equally-attractive brother had not moved from his spot on the other cafeteria table. "Can you, uh, give me a ride home?"

"Only if you give me a ride to paradise," he said with a wink.

"What does that even mean."

And then he kissed her.

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A/N HAY AL

THIS IS CHRYSTI! I HAD THE BEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! REMEMBER ANGELA? I SAW HER AT THE GROCERY STORE AND SHE WAS VERY PRETTY AND WEARING A SWEATSHIRT AND HER HAIR WAS A MESS AND UGHHH SHE WAS SO PRETTY SO I PULLED HER INTO THE FROZEN FOODS AISLES AND WEKISSSED! AND I THINK WE MIGHT BE OFFICIALLY DATING AGAIN! AHHHHHHHH!

LOVE YAAAAALLLLLLLLL!

~Chrysti Angela'slastname