Are you guys still out there? I hope so! How was that two-parter?
Oh shit Em! Regina found the tests and she thinks I lied to her about being pregnant.
OMG what did you tell her?
I told her we'd discuss it at lunch tomorrow. You have to come.
No, I don't…I wasn't invited to your secret lunch get together.
Well, it's not secret anymore. This is partly your fault. How did she find the tests?
I may or may not have thrown them in the trash.
O.o What do you mean you may or may not have thrown them in the trash?!
Well where else would you have me put them?
Okay, you're right. We're meeting at Granny's for lunch around 12:30. Do you want to meet me at my loft before that or do you want to meet me there around noon, before Regina gets there?
How about I not meet you anywhere? I'll just wait for the 911 call to come in to rescue you from Regina's attempt to murder you.
Emma! What kind of friend are you exactly?
A smart one. Relax. I'll meet you there around noon. I detest waking before 10. It's why I have the afternoon shift.
And with that last text Mary-Margaret allowed herself to relax a little bit. She knew that ultimately she was going to have to be the one to break the news to Regina. Emma wasn't going to be much help. Lost in her thoughts, she felt the bed dip from the weight of her husband. He must have finished putting Neal down to sleep.
"Hey, what's got you all out of sorts?" David asked as he leaned over to gather is wife in is arms to comfort her.
"Oh nothing really. I just have to figure out how to tell Regina she's pregnant." David pulled back, clearly shocked at his wife's revelation.
"What do you mean 'Tell Regina she's pregnant?' How could she not know she's pregnant? Shouldn't she be the one telling you this? How do you know she's pregnant and she doesn't know herself?" David fired off.
"David, David. I need you to calm down. One of us needs to remain calm and that one is you. Robin mentioned Regina having vomiting episodes and refused to go to the doctor. He thought I might knock some sense into her and talk her into going. When we went grocery shopping for Thanksgiving and she had an episode, it kinda got me thinking that she might actually be pregnant. I tried to hint to her about it, but she didn't give any indication that she suspected she might be. So I decided to trick her into taking a test." David cut her off.
"But if she took the test, wouldn't she have seen the result?" Mary-Margaret stared hard at her husband.
"Hey, don't interrupt me while I'm in the middle of answering your questions with more questions. Let me finish. Now, the only time I've had to do this was today right before we set everything out for dinner. I told her I thought I might be pregnant and I wanted her to take a test with me. She agreed, but since she 'knew' she wasn't pregnant she didn't exactly stick around for the results. Emma and I freaked out when we saw the test was actually positive and didn't know what to do. We felt Thanksgiving dinner wasn't exactly an appropriate place for that. Regina was already stressed about preparing dinner and making sure it was perfect. You know what a perfectionist she is." David nodded his head in understanding.
"Ahhh, I see. Welp, that does sound like a fun venture all for you! What are you going to do?"
"I honestly don't know. I have from now until noon tomorrow to figure something out."
"Why noon tomorrow?"
"Well, that's when I'm meeting Regina for lunch to explain why I initially told her my pregnancy test was negative when Robin found a positive one in the trash."
"What? So she thinks you're pregnant?"
"Yes. I'm trying to get Emma to help me out but I don't think she's going to be of much help. At least I was able to talk her into meeting up with us."
"Yeah, she's good moral support. Why don't you try to get some sleep? Perhaps a good night's rest will help you think better in the morning." David kissed his wife's temple and settled down under the comforter. Mary-Margaret sat up for a few moments more before shutting out the bedside lamp and snuggling against David, for warmth or comfort, she wasn't sure. What she was sure of is that come morning she needed a game plan.
The morning came sooner than Mary-Margaret liked. It took an hour for her to actually fall asleep, plagued by various scenarios in which to tell Regina she was pregnant. The light through the window was a bit bright and she clasped a hand over her face to ease the shock. She gave a heavy sigh and threw the covers off. Might as well get this over with, she thought. David's side of the bed was empty. He must already be up and about with Neal. Mary-Margaret headed over to the bathroom to take a quick shower. Showering and dressing would probably be the easiest part of her day. After dressing she took to the kitchen area of the loft to see pancakes sitting on the counter.
"Hey, how'd you sleep last night?"
"Morning. I could've slept better."
"Still no answers?"
"No, still no answers. I dreamt of various scenarios in which Regina wound up shooting fireballs at my head," Mary-Margaret let out a small chuckle before continuing on, "I couldn't think of one scenario in which Regina was calm."
"Well, may I suggest ripping off the band-aid? Just tell her the truth, the positive pregnancy test is hers. And then congratulate her. Give her a big hug! Maybe some flowers to soften the blow?" David suggested as he sat Neal in a high chair and put cereal on the tray for the toddler to eat.
"Maybe I should bring Neal with me. She wouldn't kill me dead if I had Neal. She loves Neal."
"Uh, no. You may not use our son as protection. If anything, I think Regina'll be a little bit afraid and in shock. I'm sure being pregnant is the furthest thing from her mind. She and Robin just got married. They're adjusting to a new family life. I think this needs to be something done in privacy."
"Well, it's too late for privacy. We're meeting at Granny's in a little bit."
"So you've said. Maybe you should see if you can't get Emma up and about and you guys go shopping for a little bit before meeting up with Regina. That way, you're a little distracted by your immediate task at hand and not have to worry about it for a little while. I am glad that you're not waiting until Regina is about ready to pop to inform her of her current state of being. That, she might never forgive you for." David placed a kiss on his wife's cheek before stealing a bite of her pancakes.
Mary-Margaret let out a small sigh in resignation, "I suppose you're right. I'll call Emma to wake her up."
Mary-Margaret found fate on her side when it came to waking Emma up. Emma was already up at nine in the morning. All Emma had to do was get dressed and come pick Mary-Margaret up for a shopping trip to the mall. Emma even offered to help Mary-Margaret figure out what to do and actually stay through lunch.
"So, what store you wanna hit up first? I'm partial to Spencer's. They've got cool, fun stuff in there."
"What Emma? No, we can't go in there!"
"Oh sure we can! The entire purpose of this trip is to help you relax so you can think properly. Come on, let's go there. It'll help loosen you up!" Emma pulled Mary-Margaret in the direction of the store that Mary-Margaret would probably never ever set foot in. That store was more of Emma's speed, so she could see why the blonde liked it so much. Mary-Margaret wasn't quite sure how looking at sex toys, crazy t-shirts and buttons and psychedelic posters was supposed to take her mind off of telling Regina that she was the one pregnant and not Mary-Margaret herself.
"Ooooo, look at this! Maybe we can get this t-shirt! It says 'Damn I Make Pregnant Look Good'. Or this one! It says 'I Miss Wine' and then we can get baby onesies!"
"Oh my gosh, Emma. You are so tacky."
"What, seriously? This'll be great! We'll get the shirt and this onesie that says 'I Drink Until I Pass Out'. We'll put it in a gift bag and call it an early Christmas present! And if it'll make you feel any better we can say it was all my idea."
Mary-Margaret slowly nodded her head in reluctant agreement. If Emma's genius plan caused Regina to want to bite someone's head off, she was glad it would be Emma's head that would get bit. Emma quickly pulled the items from the cubbies before Mary-Margaret could protest the absurdity of Emma's idea. Emma then grabbed Mary-Margaret's hand and dragged her over to the sex toy section.
"What are we doing over here now? I don't think anyone here needs anything from this section. I have a child; Regina's expecting her second kid…are we here for you?" Emma turned at this last statement, her mouth open in awe.
"Seriously? Just because I don't have any children doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun in the bedroom. We are over here for you. You need to loosen up, you're too stressed out. These will help. And alcohol. That will help as well. I'll even watch Neal so you can play with this stuff," she offered up a wide grin before adding, "see? I am a good friend. Now, what color would you like?" Mary-Margaret rolled her eyes before facing the toys to consider what color indeed would she like.
Two hours and five stores later found Emma and Mary-Margaret headed to the car. Mary-Margaret had to admit, goofing off with Emma and shopping was rather relaxing. She almost forgot they still had to meet up with Regina. Mary-Margaret still didn't know how she was going to approach the subject. She was secretly hoping Emma and her no filter mouth would do all the talking for her. That's really why she invited Emma to lunch. Emma didn't really care what people thought and liked to tell it like it is. Emma was only mildly afraid of Regina. However, Regina still needed Emma to watch Henry every now and then; she was almost like a big sister to the boy. They sat in silence for a few moments before Emma spoke up.
"Hey, what are you thinking? It'll be okay. Regina isn't all that bad. Who knows? She might take it really well!"
"You don't know Regina as well as I do. This isn't exactly common knowledge, but Regina can't have kids."
"What are you talking about? She has Henry and she's obviously gonna have another kid, we just haven't told her yet."
"She went through a couple of fertility treatments to have Henry. For all intents and purposes, she can't have children. She's gonna freak! She's gonna think we're messing with her head."
"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?! You know I'm big into gag gifts! How about this. We just tell her the truth about the tests and then give her the gift. She'll be too distracted from the absurdity of the gift to be mad at us."
"What if that doesn't work? What if she gets really angry?" Emma quickly swerved into the drugstore parking lot. "Emma, what are you doing?"
"Well, if she doesn't believe what we're telling her, she'll just have to take another test, won't she? She won't be able to deny that." Emma unbuckled her seatbelt and quickly ran inside before Mary-Margaret could protest anymore. It seemed right now Emma was the optimist and Mary-Margaret was uncharacteristically the pessimist. A few moments later Emma hopped back in the car and they headed towards Granny's. They were going to be late meeting Regina. They were going to start off on the wrong foot. Mary-Margaret sunk into her seat and tried to mentally prepare herself.
Just as predicted, Regina was already seated in a booth with a glass of water and coffee. Her lips pursed when Emma and Mary-Margaret walked into the diner and approached the table.
"What's all this? Went on a shopping trip without me and then showed up late to our lunch date? That's just in poor taste."
"Sorry Regina, Mare here was a ball of nerves and I thought shopping would help ease her troubled mind. You know, Black Friday sales." Emma responded as she sat down in the booth and picked up a menu. Regina rolled her eyes.
"Well Mare, there's no need to be nervous. Now, shall we order or shall we get to what we're here to discuss?"
"Um, why don't we order up some food first, then we can talk without being interrupted," suggested Mary-Margaret. She motioned for Ruby to come take their orders. Regina ordered a kale salad with grilled chicken. Emma ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and fries. Mary-Margaret ordered chicken parmesan and spaghetti; she was always partial to pasta. Once Ruby retreated, Regina folded her arms and look pointedly at Mary-Margaret.
"So, you wanna tell me why you lied about your pregnancy test?"
"Well, um, Regina, I didn't lie." Regina's eyes went wide.
"What do you mean you 'didn't lie'. Robin found the test in the trash!" Mary-Margaret stole a glance at Emma who was trying her best to seem occupied with anything else other than the current conversation. She gave Emma a kick under the table.
"Um, what we mean is…here, we got you a present!" Emma produced the gift bag with t-shirt and onesie from underneath the table and passed it to Regina. She pulled out the contents.
"Ms. Swan, your gag gifts never fail to disappoint. What's with all this?"
"Ahem. Regina, I'm just gonna spit it out and I need you to remain calm and not cause a scene, okay?"
"Me? Cause a scene? Don't be ridiculous! You're being weird, out with it!"
"Regina, the positive pregnancy test wasn't mine, it was yours." Mary-Margaret pulled back and braced herself for an outburst. Instead, Regina just sat there for moment. It was Emma who spoke next.
"Regina? Are you okay? Say something."
"That, that is not possible. This is a terrible, cruel and insensitive joke."
"No, Regina, it's not. I would never do anything like this, I know how sensitive a subject this is for you," Mary-Margaret pleaded.
"You're damn right it is. How could I possibly be pregnant?!"
Emma spoke up again, incredulously, "Think about it, Regina. You've been nauseous, eating weird shit, tired and cranky. Well, more cranky than usual."
"You don't understand, Ms. Swan. I had trouble conceiving Henry. When Daniel died, we were trying for kid number two. It just wasn't meant to be. And here you are throwing this in my face."
"Oh, I understand perfectly Regina. We need you to understand that despite the poor taste in gift, in which I was hoping to alleviate the stress of this situation, we would never take something as serious as this as a joke. If it'll make you feel any better, we bought another test just in case." Emma outstretched the newly purchased test in her hand and offered it to Regina. Regina sat across from the two women with her mouth open.
"You, you're serious, aren't you?"
Mary-Margaret nodded her head. "As a heart attack. If you don't believe us and want to be sure and retake the test, we won't be offended." Regina nodded her head and slowly retrieved the test from Emma's hand. "Would you like one of us to go with you?"
"Uh, no. I can go by myself. This is something I need to do by myself." Regina stood from the booth and headed for the restrooms in the back of the restaurant.
"Well, I must say, that went rather well, dontcha think? Look! Food's here!" Mary-Margaret shook her head. She wished she was a bit more carefree like Emma. She and Emma ate their food in silence while they waited for Regina to return from the restroom. Not that she was particularly hungry, but she was almost done with her dish before she started to really worry.
"Emma, do you think we should go check on her? She's been in there for a while."
"Naaa, she's probably just in shock. It was positive, right? Oh my god, what if it wasn't? What if it was a fluke! Oh shit, Mare! We didn't think of that!"
"It's too late now, damage is done." Regina exited the restroom and slowly made her way back over to the table with a tear-streaked face.
"Oh my god, Regina. We are so sorry, we didn't stop to think that maybe the test was a fluke. We didn't mean for things to turn out this way. Regina? Say something." Mary-Margaret shook Regina.
"No, it's okay. It…it's positive."
"What? What did you say?"
"Ahem, I said, the test was positive. You were right."
"What a relief! Aren't you excited? Why are you crying?"
"Well, Robin and I never really talked about any more children until he found what I thought was your pregnancy test. I told him I couldn't have any children after having such a hard time conceiving Henry. I, I could see the disappointment in his eyes, but he said our two boys was enough. What am I gonna do now?"
"Oh Regina. I'm sure he'll be ecstatic! How are you gonna tell him?" Regina still sat staring numbly off into the distance. Her reply still soft.
"I don't know, I have no idea. We hadn't exactly planned on this. What am I gonna do?"
"Hey, Regina, you already asked that."
"Emma! This is a delicate situation here," scolded Mary-Margaret.
"I know. Hey, look, Regina. We'll figure something out! I'm great at stuff like this! I mean, did you not see the awesome gift I got you?"
"I'm scared. I think I want to get checked out first to make sure everything is okay before I get Robin's hopes up."
"Sure, sure. Anything you need, let us know, okay? We'll be here for you." Mary-Margaret rubbed Regina's hand.
"Thanks. I'll have to wait until Monday to try to schedule an appointment. Do you think you guys can come with me?"
"If you make it before two thirty, I'll still be in school."
"If you make it after two thirty, I'll be at work. So it really just comes down to who you want to come with you."
"Okay. I'll just call to find out the first available and then let you know."
"Okay, sounds like a plan. You're gonna be okay, okay Regina?"
"Yes, yes I am. I'm, I'm pregnant!" Regina whispered, finally smiling.
I've seen some stories mention trigger warnings. I'm not exactly sure how that's supposed to work without exactly spoiling the next chapter. It's nothing too terribly sad, but just so you know there may be sensitive subject matter in the next chapter. I hope you're still enjoying!