Headcanon: Impalas aren't just cars, in the crazy backwards LC universe, they are also a type of African animal.
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Samantha sat atop her majestic sofa, nobly adorned with pounds of luscious blankets, ice cream in hand, ready to ward off enemies. She wielded a weapon and fought sadness, tooth, nail, and ice cream. It was a long and grueling war but she was beating it into submission. At last, when she was about to finally achieve ultimate suppression of her emotions, the TV channel switched to a boring nature documentary.
At first, she was annoyed, being not in the mood to get up, but as the doc moved between penguins polar bears and jumping birds, she found her interest piqued. Now the doc was of the upmost impotence. This here was fun. And sad. Actually, mostly sad. It was about a gazelle.
"Crap! Hyenas!" Samantha yelled. The fleet little gazelle dashed through the Sahara, an angry hyena hot on its trail. Samantha was on the edge of her seat.
"Shit! Denoms!" Deanna yelled, removing herself, Fourchette, and Chad from the side of the road and placing them in her car. Chad was not allowed to sit shotgun. She floored the gas and the Chevy sped off.
The gazelle ducked and jumped across the arid landscape, a desert that was likely not quite a BWh on the Koppen classification. It was too vegetated for that. The impala - and Samantha - knew a lot about climate classification. "RUN! RUN! RUN!"
Deanna et al shot through the Canadian Cfb wilderness. She didn't know much about climate, but Fourchette did. So, surprisingly, did Chad, though only enough to say "Man, it's hot as balls out here." Deanna glared at him, momentarily taking her eyes from the road. "DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!" Chad shouted.
Samantha was on the edge of her seat.
Deanna was on the edge of her seat. It was too tall for her, and it had always been.
The hyena was closing in. The little gazelle was losing. Samantha bit her nails, sweating. "NO! NO! NOT THE GAZELLE, NOT THE GAZELLE! I'D TRADE MY LIFE FOR YOU, GAZELLE!" she yelled.
The Denoms were closing in. Deanna punched the gas. Literally. She brought her hand down to the gas pedal and punched it. Reasonably, they almost crashed. The car skittered over the icy road, her Denomic pursuers in a souped-up Power Wheels Barbie Jeep. They were crammed onto the back of the magicified car, teetering awkwardly like parents in a kindergarten classroom on Go To School Night. "DOUBLE SHIT! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Deanna shouted.
The gazelle looked, finally, like it had hope. It was flying through the low brush, leaving the hyena in the dust and dirt of day-after-tomorrow. And then the unthinkable happened. It stumbled. "NOOOO!" shrieked Samantha. "THIS IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN TO ANYONE EVER!"
Deanna was pretty sure she was going to outrun the Denoms by now. They were in the dust, cursing and coughing in their Denomic dialect as they sped along on their little pink Barbie Jeep. Then the unthinkable happened. A whole wheel went flying off of Deanna's car, missing the Denoms by a millimeter. The Chevy skidded and swerved and spun off the road, into the snowy field beyond. "I'm so sorry for dragging you all into this," Deanna said calmly. "I guess I deserve to go to Hell for all of eternity."
There was a lake on the horizon, a vast one. Samantha wondered if hyenas could swim. Or if gazelles could, for that matter.
There was a patch of melted snow - maybe a lake, Deanna wasn't sure - on the horizon, a vast one. Deanna wondered if Denoms - and their little pink Barbie Jeeps - could swim. Chevys couldn't, that much she knew, but her car had already lost a wheel. She was willing to risk it.
The gazelle veered to the side. Samantha was still biting her nails as it raced off towards the lake.
Deanna pulled the steering wheel around with as much force as she could muster. Chad shrieked, and Fourchette stayed characteristically calm, though they looked a little dead inside (and soon to be dead outside). But didn't they all? The Chevy set off at a snail's pace through the Canadian Wilderness, but the dustbound Denoms weren't doing much better. They were still gaining on the Chevy, but the magic that was holding their little vehicle together was starting to wear off. What they were caught in could only be described as a low-speed car chase.
The gazelle dashed away from the hyena, and plunged into the lake. Its head went under, and Samantha screamed. "NO! DON'T DROWN! I LOVE YOU! I COULDN'T BEAR IT IF YOU DIED!"
Deanna pulled her car into the fastest gear possible. She didn't know how gears worked. Just as the car soared over the cliff, she turned to Chad specifically and not Fourchette. "It'll be okay. It'll be okay if we all die. It's not like there's anyone left to care." With that, Chad took her face in his hands and attempted to plant a wet kiss on her lips. She pushed him away, not appreciating it one bit. "Can it, Harkness," she snapped, just before the Chevy punctured the surface of the lake.
Then it was dark.
Samantha shrieked at the top of her lungs. Then, all of a sudden, beautifully, dramatically, the gazelle's head burst to the surface. "THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE!" she screamed, but she knew it was too soon to tell. The hyenas would wait.
The lake, thankfully, was rather shallow. It was sort of painful when the elderly Chevy hit the bottom, but Deanna and the rest of them pulled themselves out and crouched on the still-visible top of the car. They'd have to wait the Denoms out. "That was a close one," she said.
The gazelle swam. More like treaded water. Gazelles were not particularly good swimmers, but this one must have been feeling rather aquatic as of late, and paddled in the little runoff pond until the hyenas grew bored and trod off to find another, simpler meal. Samantha sighed and fell over on her side. "Thank God."
The three of them waited, crouched on top of the car for hours. The Denoms eventually pulled out their phones and started scrolling through Tumblr. One of them started making an odd CHCHCHCH noise that seemed to be comparable to a Scoff at everything he saw. "CHCCH. Ariana Grande broke up with that Pete guy. Or that Max guy. Or all of them. L-O-L. SCCHCH." Eventually they grew bored, and crammed back into their car to drive, slowly, slowly, slowly, away. "Huh. Neat," said Deanna, pulling out her still-functional Nokia flip phone. "Dude, these things are like bricks. Bricks that make phone calls." She called the repair company, and watched as the Denoms puttered away. "Scoff," she said.
Destielle suddenly pooped up behind her, having mistaken the word scoff for ancient summoning ritual. "You called?"
"Destielle!" Deanna exclaimed, throwing her arms around the Anelg. "I missed you, man. Buddy. Pal. Friend. Compatriot." Just like that, Destielle was gone, and in her place lay the corpses of the Pink Barbie Jeep Denoms.
"Sweet."
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A/N
WHAT IS UUUUUP! I HOPE Y'ALL HAD A GREAT THXGIVING! I DID! I ATE TONS OF TOFURKEy. And normal turkey. And maybe some Brussels Sprouts. I'm sorry I couldn't get y'all some fresh new LC for Turkey Day, but I was seein' the fam. My little bro and I hung out and ignored my mother-in-law, which I totally have, cuz I'm totally married. Anyways. ENOUGH ABOUT ME! ANGELA WAS THERE TOO! I LOVE HER! Maybe I'm not married. Do I want to be married? Dunno. Anyways, hope you liked your LC.
Luv Y'all