As Black came in for a landing in the main hangar, Shiro sighed with relief at the sight of the other four paladins clustered around the Blue Lion. While none of them had seemed unduly stressed over the coms after the battle with the robeat, he felt better now that he could see them and reassure himself they really were unharmed. His chair shook slightly and he chuckled, glancing over his shoulder at Alejandro who was gripping it and bouncing with more excitement than Shiro had seen the time-traveller display in the short time he'd known him. Both he and Kurogane were slowly starting to settle in with the support of the rest of the team, and it showed.
"Calm down, silly, you'll be able to ask them about it in a minute." Kurogane commented affectionately from further back. Both time-travellers had been delighted to learn that team Voltron had been able to use what they decided must have been a new aspect. They had only ever seen three in use in their own time, and no one had been able to tell them how the aspects would manifest for paladins, so they were eager to see exactly what the remaining aspects could do. Allura was likewise curious-apparently Coran's search of the records had so far failed to turn up anything of use.
Once Black finally dropped her ramp, Alejandro and Kurogane were the first ones out of her airlock, with Allura following close behind. Shiro followed a little more slowly, wrapping one arm around Matt's waist and pressing a kiss to the side of the other man's head as they walked. After so long apart he treasured every contact with the man he loved.
"So, was that a new aspect we saw out there today?" He asked cheerfully, looking around at his teammates, who had obviously been waiting for he and Matt to join them.
"Sure was!" Hunk called, flipping up a welding mask to reveal a broad grin. "Blue's physical analogue! Heart!"
Lance rocked a bit on the balls of his feet, looking proud but flustered at all the attention that was on him. "Apparently I'd already unlocked it a while back? We used it before when we fought Zarkon, it lets us merge bayards into other weapons in the Voltron form."
Alejandro and Kurogane exchanged startled looks. "That means we used that aspect, too. Several times." Kurogane said quietly. "We never realized that's what it was."
"I'm trying to predict what some of the other combinations will be, based on the three we've seen." Pidge scrambled down from Blue's paw, darting over to the two time-travellers with her tablet in hand. "What forms have you seen?"
Kurogane hummed, pursing his lips thoughtfully as he tried to remember. "Aside from the blazing sword and scimitar? Green and blue make a harpoon, and red and yellow make a battle-axe."
"Those make sense, based on the single-bayard forms." Pidge was quick to jot those down, frowning. "So you haven't seen any other black bayard combinations." She huffed in frustration as she turned her attention abruptly toward Shiro, making the black paladin jump. "You know, this would be easier if you told me what your bayard form is."
Shiro froze, his breath catching in his throat. He should have seen that request coming from the moment Lance had explained that the aspect allowed the merger of bayards. Slowly he forced himself to take a deep breath, letting it out slowly through his nose. "Sorry, Pidge, I don't know what my bayard's form is. I've never activated it."
The green paladin threw up her hands in dismay. "Well why the fuck not? It would give you something other than your hand to use in a fight!"
"They're taking the arm off tomorrow, Shiro." Keith pointed out as he came up beside Pidge with his arms crossed and a worried expression on his face. "You need something else you can use to defend yourself."
"The Castle has an armory." He responded firmly, crossing his arms uncomfortably and trying to ignore the tension in his own muscles, the mounting anxiety tightening his lungs. "I can take something from there to use. The bayards aren't the only weapons in the Castle, Keith, Pidge."
"Just activate the damn bayard, Shiro!" The green paladin was obviously getting frustrated with his reluctance, her raised voice starting to attract the attention of the rest of the group away from their own discussions. Beside him, Matt put a soothing hand on his shoulder, and Shiro knew the other man could feel his body coiling like a spring.
He took another deep breath, trying to reign in the rising discomfort that was tipping him steadily toward fight or flight. He didn't want to talk about this, didn't want to think about the black bayard stored away inside his armor, didn't want to tell his entire team why he never touched it or looked at it. "I'll activate the bayard when I feel ready to do so, Pidge. Please, leave it be."
"But why won't you-"
"Pidge, I asked you to leave it!" The tension snapped through him like a steel cable breaking under a too-heavy load, coming out in sharp tone and raised voice that shocked the room into silence. Shiro could feel eight pairs of wide eyes on him, could feel his Human hand trembling as he clenched it into a fist at his side. Pidge was staring at him with a stunned, frightened expression that sent nausea curling into his gut and throat with the knowledge that he had put that fear in her eyes. The air in the room felt too thick suddenly, making it impossible to breath.
He bolted.
The Castle's corridors blended together in front of him, the only sounds his own ragged breathing and his boots pounding against the floor and echoing off the wall. By the time he stopped he was deep inside the ship, unfamiliar corridors dusty with disuse despite the efforts of the air filtering system. Shiro pressed himself to the wall and slid slowly down, burying his hands in his hair as he tried to slow his racing heart and aching lungs, his thoughts still tangled up and razor sharp inside his mind.
He wasn't sure how long he sat there, long enough for his breathing to slow and his fingers to stop digging into his skull quite so hard, before the sound of footsteps had him snapping his head toward the corridor he'd come from in a reflexive threat response until he recognized the slow, uneven gait as Matt. The black paladin remained silent, turning his gaze back down to the floor as the ginger approached and maneuvered himself carefully to the floor beside him.
Matt didn't say anything, simply bearing him silent company in whatever distant corner of the Castle-ship he'd ended up. The younger man seemed content to study the hallway around them, peering up at light fixtures and poking at the thin layer of padding on the floor with one hand while the other rubbed absently at his knee.
"...How did you find me?" Shiro asked finally, once he managed to put together the question coherently in his brain.
"Allura scanned the Castle." The other responded easily. His tone was relaxed, with no anxiety or anger despite the fact that the man beside him had just screamed at his little sister for asking a perfectly reasonable question. "You're up on the forty-sixth floor, by the way."
The paladin hummed acknowledgement, leaning his head back against the wall and closing his eyes. "You're not going to ask me what that was all about?"
Matt shrugged. "If you want to talk about it, you will. All that business about bayards and weapons kinda lost me, to be honest, so if you feel like talking about it, you might have to give me a little background in order for me to understand why you were upset." He resumed his examination of the flooring material, eyebrows furrowing in concentration.
"...Got it." Shiro lapsed back into silence, and Matt eventually closed his eyes, breathing deeply and steadily, only occasional slight adjustments to his position betraying that he hadn't fallen asleep.
Eventually, gaze fixed on the ceiling, Shiro spoke. "The bayards are quintessence-based weapons for the paladins of Voltron." He felt rather than saw his boyfriend shift beside him, refocusing his attention. "They're supposed to take the form of the weapon best suited for each paladin. Lance has a natural gift for shooting, so his bayard is a rifle. Keith works best with blades, so a sword is the form his bayard took."
"And you don't know what form your bayard takes yet?"
"I didn't have it for a long time, Zarkon did. He was the Black Paladin before me. And now…" He trailed off, unsure how to put the way he felt about the bayards, about the whole concept of them, into words. Matt waited patiently, not rushing or questioning further, and Shiro felt a surge of gratitude for the other man. The words felt heavy in his head and on his tongue, but he reminded himself sharply that there was no one here to hear them but Matt, the same Matt who treated his damaged leg as a reminder of what Shiro had sacrificed to save his life, who had already insisted more than once that the black paladin couldn't keep bearing all the burdens he had been alone.
"I'm...afraid." He said finally. "Of what my bayard will turn into."
"Of what it will say about you as a person."
Shiro nodded. Perceptive as always, Matt had hit the nail squarely on the head. He had spent a year in the gladiator arenas, killing again and again and by the end he was good at it. It was never easy, not emotionally, but physically, yes, he had become a skilled fighter and the title of Champion was never spoken with anything but awed respect. And then he'd escaped, and been launched into the middle of this war, and he continued to kill, just as easily as before.
He'd tried to imagine, once, after they'd got him free of Black's protective embrace, what form his bayard would take. The first thing that came to mind was a machine gun, dealing death to hundreds in minutes. The second a broadsword, cleaving enemies in two in a spray of blood. He'd stopped after that, stored his bayard away in the armor and never touched it since.
He was already an instrument of death. He didn't need another.
Matt was silent for several minutes, gazing at him consideringly. He looked as though there was something he wanted to say, but was hesitating. Finally, "Coran was the advisor to the King who built the Lions, wasn't he?"
Blinking in confusion at the apparent non-sequitur, Shiro nodded again. "King Alfor, yes."
"So he probably knows more about the bayards than anyone else on this Castle."
Now he saw where this was going, at least partially. Matt was a quick thinker, always had been, and this wasn't the first time Shiro had been left in the mental dust. "You want to talk to him about the bayards?"
"Mhm. I want to see what sort of form he thinks your bayard would take." Matt pushed himself up off the ground, gripping Shiro's shoulder for support as he levered himself to his feet. The black paladin remained frozen on the ground, anxiety resurging at the suggestion. Then the other man was crouching in front of him, cupping his face in his hands and Shiro remembered to breathe. "I know it's not exactly what you'd rather do." Matt said softly, his remaining amber eye regarding Shiro intently. "But Pidge and Keith are right about you needing to know for battle. And for better or worse, once you know, you know, and it'll be one less fear hanging over your head. I figure if we talk to Coran, get some idea of what he thinks your bayard might be, it'll soften the blow a little when you actually activate it since you'll have some idea what to expect."
Shiro huffed out a breath that was more sigh than laugh. "I guess." He cupped Matt's hand with his Human one, leaning into the gentle touch and drawing comfort from the silent reassurance. "Alright. Fine. Let's do that."
His boyfriend smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips before straightening again and offering a hand to help pull Shiro to his feet with blatant disregard for the black paladin's greater bulk and his own handicap-both of which apparently meant little to the ginger as he took a firm grip, braced himself, and hauled Shiro upright with surprising strength, leaving the older man swaying on his feet before he'd quite realized what was happening. "Physics is my bitch." Matt grinned at his obvious consternation. "Now, where would we find Coran?"
"Ah...the AI room, most likely." Shiro shook himself back to his senses as they set off down the hallway, Matt leading the way back to the closest elevator shaft. "He's been working on some sort of project, looking for information about the aspects."
"AI room it is, then." As they stepped into the elevator, Matt tucked himself under Shiro's arm, a comforting presence at his side as the other threaded an arm around his waist. He didn't remove it until they reached the doors to the AI room, stepping forward to knock when the paladin hesitated with a sudden surge of reluctance.
A moment later the door slid open to reveal Coran. The long hours he'd been working had left their marks on the Altean in the shadows under his eyes, but he smiled broadly at the sight of them. "Shiro! Matt! To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this fine…" He paused, checking a handheld time-piece. "...afternoon!"
Matt chuckled, reaching back to grab Shiro's hand and gently tug him closer. "Sorry to interrupt your work, Coran, but we were hoping you could spare a few minutes to talk to us about bayards."
"Bayards, hm?" The old advisor fixed Shiro with a long stare. For a moment, it felt as though the orange-haired man was looking right inside him, seeing all his fears and insecurities as though they'd been laid out right in front of him, and he shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of the gaze. After a moment, however, the Altean smiled, gentle and understanding. "Righty-o, come on in. Just give me a moment to turn the hologram projection off for now."
Entering the chamber with a hologram active was a strange feeling as they walked in and found themselves in the middle of a frozen scene of what appeared to be a state dinner of some sort. Examining the faces at the table, Shiro easily recognized Alfor, Zarkon, and a younger Coran. An Altean woman seated between Alfor and Coran bore an unmistakable resemblance to Allura, from the curly texture of her dark blue hair to the small smile on her face. Another Altean woman, seated on Zarkon's other side, looked oddly familiar as well in a way that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, but the hologram vanished at Coran's touch on the controls before he could figure out why he felt as though he'd seen the cold smile on her face before.
Leaning against the panel Coran tugged on his moustache as he turned to face them. "Now then, what is you'd like to know about the bayards? That, thankfully, is something I know a fair bit about. I did help design them after all." There was a proud twinkle in his eye, and Shiro relaxed a bit. Maybe Matt's idea would work better than they had hoped.
"We'd like to know how the forms the bayards take is determined." Matt requested, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "And if there's any way to predict what weapon they'll turn into for a specific person."
"They're supposed to be the weapon best suited for the paladin. How do you know what that is?" Shiro asked softly, swallowing hard. He was here now, he might as well get this over with.
"I see…" The older man hummed thoughtfully, glancing at Shiro with the same knowing look as before. "While that is the case in the general sense, it's actually rather more complicated than that. Since they are tied to the paladin's quintessence every bit as much as the Lions are, the exact form the bayard takes does in fact tell you rather a lot about the person wielding it. It's why they tend to change a bit as the user grows and learns, although they normally remain the same type of weapon throughout the life of the paladin. You've seen that for yourself, I think, when you compare Alejandro's rifle to Lance's and Kurogane's sword to Keith's."
Turning back to the projector controls, Coran pulled up images of the four bayards used by the other paladins. Hunk's cannon, Lance's rifle, Keith's sword, and Pidge's grapple-blade. The images rotated slowly in the air beside them.
"Now, what I was saying about the bayard's form telling you a lot about its user. Take Lance's bayard for example." He pulled at the hologram, bringing the blue rifle over to float in the air between the three of them. "You'd normally think of a gun as a loud, showy weapon, don't you agree? And for some, you'd be right. However." The rifle vanished, replaced by a recorded scene from the training room. In it, Lance was laying down covering fire past his teammates, taking down drones and gladiators without once inflicting friendly fire despite the others being constantly on the move through his firing line. "Our young Blue Paladin wields a sniper rifle, which is a weapon requiring great care and precision of action, often playing the role of support and protection in battle and looking out for teammates. Quite the opposite of what you see on the surface, hm?"
Shiro's eyes widened and he could only nod in agreement. At first meeting, Lance had indeed come across as brash and noisy, but time had revealed other sides to the lanky teen. His actions were always more deliberate and thought out than they seemed, and his concern for the rest of the group was unquestionable. Even the deadlier-looking design of his future counterpart's weapon only showed that his playful side had been lost or hidden along the painful road to where he was now, while he was still as thoughtful as ever in his actions.
"Keith, a sword." The red bayard replaced the image of Lance in the air, light seeming to glint off the edge of the blade. "A weapon designed to keep others at a distance. And his is double-edged. I believe you Humans have a similar metaphor to us Alteans about the symbolism of double-edged swords and their ability to hurt the user as easily as the opponent?"
"We do, yes." Matt confirmed, glancing over at him, and Shiro gave a small, sad laugh.
"That's definitely Keith in a nutshell. Always keeping people at arm's length, even if he'd really like to be close to them. It took me a long time to get him to let me in, and even now he doesn't always open up 100%." The Blade of Marmora incident, where Keith had admitted to suspecting for some time that he wasn't entirely Human, was a classic example of that. Not that Shiro could blame him in the slightest for that one, given the black paladin's past experience with Galra.
He was still caught off-guard every time he saw the complete trust Kurogane had for Alejandro, and desperately hoped that Keith would have that one day as well, for Lance if not for Shiro himself.
Coran nodded at Shiro's assessment of the boy who was like a brother to him, and sent the red bayard sliding back to its place in the line-up in exchange for the green, Pidge's weapon alternately crackling with electricity or launching the grapple outward into the room. "Our youngest paladin is quite versatile." He commented, drawing an approving smile from Matt. "She doesn't like having limited options, or being boxed in. Hence the multiple modes of use, and the grappling hook feature in particular. It's a bit lacking in defensive capability, however, but that's not surprising since she doesn't tend to back down from a fight."
"You've got Katie pegged, all right." Matt sighed, shaking his head in mock despair. "There's no holding her back, no way, no how."
The Altean laughed, swapping the grapple for the hologram of Hunk's shoulder cannon. "This one is perhaps the one I was most surprised by, I must admit. Powerful and destructive doesn't really suit our Yellow Paladin."
Examining the image, Shiro frowned. Coran was quite right. "Hunk doesn't even like fighting. I know for a fact he was happier than anyone about not having to destroy all the ships in those patrol fleets, and he's the least comfortable using his weapon against our enemies."
"Which I think, now that I know him better, is exactly why he has the weapon he does." Coran moved the yellow bayard back into line beside the other three. "Which of these weapons would be most likely to prompt opponents to surrender, rather than continue to draw out the fight?"
"Hunk's cannon." Matt breathed the words, eyes wide with realization.
A slow smile spread across Shiro's face. Of course. "A weapon to end the fighting as quickly as possible, one way or another." He crossed his arms, studying the cannon and trying to see it the same way Coran could. "Hunk is well aware of his own strength, too. He can do a lot of damage if pushed. But he doesn't want to be."
"Couldn't have said it better myself." The Altean agreed. "I think you understand now what I mean about the bayard's form reflecting its user. Every time I've seen them in the hands of a new user, they gave away much about that person's nature. King Alfor's took the form of a battle staff, a weapon requiring skill and control but not deadly without deliberate effort. And while I don't know how he was able to change it when you fought him-they aren't supposed to be able to do that-I know that the default form of Zarkon's bayard was a bladed whip."
"Control at all costs?" Shiro guessed uncertainly. Did Alteans apply the same symbolism to their weapons that Humans did?
"Precisely."
"So what weapon do you think Takashi's bayard would be likely to take?" Matt asked softly. "After knowing him for over a year, I'm sure you can make some educated guesses as to what it might be." The younger man moved to press his shoulder to Shiro's in a reassuring contact as they returned to the question that had brought them here in the first place.
Coran fell silent for a moment as he considered the question, turning to dismiss the holographic images of the bayards. "I do have my suspicions." He said finally, looking over at Shiro thoughtfully. The black paladin couldn't quite read the look in his eyes, possibly concern, but no fear. "About what his natural weapon might be."
Matt frowned, gesturing for the other to continue. "And those would be?" he prompted.
The Altean sighed, leaning back against the edge of the console once more. "Shiro, Haggar's work and the arena left very deep scars on you, didn't they." There was definite sorrow in his gaze now as the older man looked him in the eye, and Shiro found himself struck by the realization of how much the advisor had seen over his life, how much he had learned. "They tried to turn you into a weapon, a killer, against your will and against your nature. And if I'm not mistaken, your reluctance to simply activate your bayard stems from your fear that its form will reveal they succeeded."
Coran's tone held nothing but sadness and sympathy as he spoke, and Shiro could only nod in confirmation of his words, breaking eye contact to stare uncomfortably at the floor. The arena and the blood on his hands haunted him, Haggar's voice tauntingly whispering the name 'Champion' in the back of his head whenever he used the arm she'd given him to strike down an opponent. A gentle touch to his shoulder startled him into looking up, however, meeting the Altean's soft violet gaze.
"I'm not going to tell you what I think your weapon will be, Shiro." Coran said softly. "In case I'm incorrect. But I genuinely do not believe it will be what you fear it will. I would be beyond surprised to see you with a sword or a gun in your hands when you activate it, much less a whip or a mace." The Altean took a step back, a small smile on his face. "Regardless, only activate your bayard when you feel you are ready to know. As you pointed out in the hangar, the Castle does in fact have an armory, and I'm familiar enough with most of the weapons stored there to teach you the basics of how to use them."
The paladin's cheeks reddened at the reminder of his anxiety-induced explosion earlier, and he glanced sideways at Matt. "Remind me to apologize to Pidge later for blowing up at her?"
The ginger chuckled and waved off the request. "Who do you think told me not to yell at you? She realized how uncomfortable she'd made you, and wants to tell you she's sorry for pushing."
"Her points were valid, though." Swallowing hard, Shiro retrieved his bayard from its storage space in his belt. The curving black-and-white object was a heavy weight in his palm as he held it for the first time in months, a deceptively innocuous object that would either confirm his worst fears or lay them to rest once and for all.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to, Takashi," Matt reminded him softly, running a thumb over the back of Shiro's hand. "We can wait until you're ready."
Shiro shook his head, staring down at the bayard resting in his grip. "I'll never be ready. But it needs to be done." Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and concentrated, willing his quintessence to activate the weapon for the first time.
There was a startled gasp from Matt that abruptly turned into delighted laughter which nearly drowned out Coran's pleased chuckle and comment of "It seems I was right after all."
His eyes flew open to stare down at his bayard. The curved handle of the dormant form was gone, replaced by a solid grip attached to the back of a round white plate roughly 18 inches across, the front of which was marked with the Voltron "V" symbol in black. From the edges of the white plate translucent pink energy extended outward for another foot at least, solid as any particle barrier, in the unmistakable slow curve of a shield.
A lump seemed to form in Shiro's throat as he briefly forgot how to breath. A shield. His bayard didn't take the form of a weapon at all. It was a shield.
"A defender first and attacker second. Like with the staff, you'd have to make a deliberate choice to kill with the shield as your bayard." Coran said softly, his tone warm with pride and approval as he interpreted the meaning of the bayard's active form. "And a protector above all else. Given that it's an energy shield, I expect you should be able to expand it to cover others alongside yourself. I can't think of a more fitting weapon for our Takashi Shirogane."
"Neither can I." Matt whispered affectionately in his ear. "Haggar bent you, but she never, ever broke you. It's like I said the night I asked you out, Takashi. You are still, absolutely, every inch the man I fell in love with. A good man, to the very bottom of your soul."
Droplets of water struck the curve of the shield and ran down it, and it took Shiro a moment to realize they were tears and his face was wet, breath hitching and shoulders trembling as he wept. The relief was indescribable, a thousand pounds of weight dropped from his shoulders in an instant as his fingers tightened their grip around a symbol of protection and life rather than the tool of death that had haunted his thoughts for over a year. Haggar had tried with all her might to turn him into a bloody sword of the Empire, had made a weapon part of his very body and stained his hands with blood, but she had never been able to take away his hatred of killing, never been able to stop him from whispering I'm sorry and a quick death is the only kindness I can give you as the light went out of his opponents' eyes.
At some point he must have sat down, cradling the shield in his lap like it was the most precious thing in the universe. Matt's arm settled around his shoulder in a supportive embrace, fingers playing soothingly with his hair, and Coran was a watchful guardian hovering over them both as they allowed the black paladin to give vent to the fear and guilt that had plagued him, finally laid to rest by the bayard's blunt revelation that he was not a killer at heart, but a protector.
Only once Shiro had cried himself out and taken a long drink from the water pack Coran offered him did any of them speak again, Matt's voice calm and gentle. "Feel better?"
Shiro nodded, tracing wondering fingers over the smooth energy of the shield laying across his legs. "Yeah. I thought...I never expected…"
"You're probably the only one, then." His boyfriend chuckled, smiling warmly as he rested his chin on Shiro's shoulder. "Coran was pretty sure it would be a shield a long time ago, I think, and I doubt anyone else will be very surprised. They know you, Takashi. Not one of them thought you were a monster but you."
The older man's cheeks reddened at the blunt statement, knowing that Matt had read him like an open book, and he sighed. "They're all gonna tell me I'm silly for being so worried about this, aren't they?"
To his surprise, Matt shook his head. "No. They know how you feel about the things you've done. Your fears were valid. But now you know those fears were wrong, and that's the important thing. Your family's gonna be happy for you for that." He chuckled, bumping their shoulders together playfully. "Expect a party, not a lecture.
A small smile crept across Shiro's face. "Yeah, you're probably right." He admitted, thinking of the four teenagers who had already stood by his side through so much. There were a handful of people in the universe who understood him better than he understood himself, and every single one of them was right here on this Castle. His smile widened and he dismissed the bayard before pushing himself to his feet and offering Matt a hand. "Let's go get that party started, then."
Matt's words proved prophetic; when they finally located everyone else on the main deck he was immediately provided with an armful of emotional green paladin, apologies tumbling out of her mouth so fast he almost couldn't make out the words. Shiro simply laughed and ruffled her hair, reassuring her that she had meant well and apologizing for yelling.
"Turns out I was worrying over nothing, anyway." He told her, pulling out his bayard. Pidge's eyes widened and she stepped to the side, rocking on her heels in excited anticipation. When the shield materialized there was a chorus of delighted exclamations from everyone present that only grew as he found himself being dragged to the training room for a test run. Over the next hour the shield held up against everything they threw at it, even when he managed to expand it just like Coran had predicted to cover a startled and slightly bruised blue paladin who answered his joyful grin with one of his own.
By the time he fell back on the pile of blankets and pillows that served as the team's bed that evening, with Matt curled against one side and Keith stretched out on the other, Shiro felt better than he had in a very long time.