Sorry about the long wait, I hope you guys are still out there reading. I started on a different chapter, but after watching Devil's Due, I was inspired to write this piece. I hope you like it!
Though the stains had dried, fresh tears were threatening to fall. Choking back the sobs hurt her heart because she wanted nothing more to drown in her tears. Robin was in the shower and would be done soon and she didn't want to alarm him. The shower shut off and she could hear his soft hums. It was difficult for her to fall asleep last night, with his arms holding her tightly when all she wanted was freedom, from him, from her emotions, from her sadness and most importantly her guilt. Maybe that's why she was hurting more this year. Light cast shadows across the bedroom as Robin left the ensuite bathroom, tossing his towel on the floor beside the hamper, typical man, no different than Daniel. She could smell the pine scent from Robin's soap waft through the bedroom and she took a tissue from her bedside night stand to dab at her face. The tears started last night and she managed to convince Robin they were just sniffles from a cold. He was so caring; he made her soup and poured her up a glass of orange juice. He set his alarm a little early so he could take over the morning routine for Regina, making sure the boys were up and they had breakfast and got to school on time. She felt the bed dip and she pulled the covers closer around her body. Robin reached out a hand to her shoulder.
"Are you sure you'll be alright, love? Is there anything I can get for you? Some more juice maybe? You need to eat something, dry toast?" Regina sniffled some more and cleared her throat before responding.
"No, I'm sure I'll be fine. I just really need to rest. Things have been stressful at work with the Forbidden Fruit book series. I already spoke to Mr. Gold – he said it was okay to take a day or two off."
"He did? That's surprising," Robin responded as he rubbed his hands up and down Regina's back.
"No, yeah, he uh, he said I'd gotten a lot done on the series – we're ahead of schedule."
"Alright, I gotta go get the boys up and work on breakfast. I'll bring you some oatmeal, apples and cinnamon?" Regina reached for his hand and brought it to her face, then kissed the palm.
"Oh Robin, you're so good to me, but really, I'm fine. I just want to sleep right now and anything you make me will go untouched and cold. I promise I'll eat okay?" Robin let his hand linger for a moment more on her cheek before drawing back, leaning forward and kissing her on the cheek, tasting the dried salty tears she cried last night and probably this morning. She may think she's doing a good job covering up, but he knows something isn't quite right with his wife and it has him worried. Worried that she won't share with him what she's feeling, what she's going through, what has her so upset that all she wants to do is lay around in bed. It was as if she was slipping into a deep depression and he wasn't quite sure what to do with that. For the past two weeks she seemed to be down. Smiling, but it was a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Hugging, but not hugging as if they were the most important people in her life. Eating, but only enough where no one would accuse her of starving the baby. Yes, something was wrong with Regina and Robin vowed to bring back the happiness to her life, or at least figure out how to help her find her happiness again. With a heavy sigh and a shake of his head Robin rose from the bed and headed out the bedroom door. Just as he was about to pull the door closed he heard his wife shudder out a cry. This was bad and he really was concerned he wouldn't be able to help her.
Robin steeled himself for the boys. It wouldn't do any of them any good if the boys knew their mother was upset. The boys would be sad and want to help her but Robin couldn't guide them in figuring out a good way to help her when he didn't know what was wrong. Regina would be upset that Robin let the boys know she was feeling anything less than herself. He arrived at Roland's door and gave a gentle tap. Sometimes Roland would be awake, sometimes he would not. Robin heard no sounds coming from the young boy's bedroom so he pushed the door open.
"Roland," he whispered out. "Are you awake, my boy?" No answer. Robin walked over to the bed and gave the boy a gentle shake. Roland began to stir under the covers. "Come on, time to get up." Roland let out a heavy moan.
"You're not mama." Robin chuckled a little to himself; leave it to Roland to make some quirky response that could melt anyone's cold heart.
"No, I'm daddy and daddy says it's time to get up and get ready for school."
"But what about breakfast?"
"I'm gonna make your breakfast." Roland's eyes shot open and he stared curiously at his father.
"Do you know how to make breakfast?" Robin placed his hand dramatically on his chest and let out a gasp.
"Do I know how to make breakfast? What kind of question is that?" He asked incredulously.
"Mama always makes breakfast. You burn stuff."
"I do not."
"Yes you do, mama says so."
"She does, does she?" Roland nodded his head.
"Well, how much burned food did you eat before mama started making your breakfast?" Roland, now sitting up on the bed, cocked is head to the side as if deep in thought.
"I ate a lot!"
"Yeah, and who made all that breakfast?" Roland sat for a moment, formed a big grin on his face and launched himself into Robin's arms.
"You did daddy!" Roland yelled into Robin's face as the two collapsed into giggles. They went silent and Robin held Roland extra close. "Daddy, I can't breathe."
"Oh, sorry. Have you got your clothes picked out?" Roland shook his head no. "Alright, pick something out to wear while I check on Henry." Roland nodded his head and hopped down from the bed, heading to the dresser to pick out some clothes to wear. Just as he said he would, Robin found himself outside of Henry's bedroom door. Robin hesitated before knocking, wondering if perhaps Henry knew the reason for Regina's mood. They had somewhat of a strange relationship at times, Robin thought. Probably from years of being the only persons in their lives. Not that Regina inappropriately relied on Henry for emotional support, but there were definitely hints of it, especially in the early days of their dating. Robin wasn't sure if it was Regina leaning on Henry or Henry being a perceptive child and offering, subconsciously. Finally, Robin knocked on Henry's door. A muffled "Yeah, yeah mom, I'm up!" come from behind the door. Robin opened the door to find Henry pulling on a dark blue shirt.
"Sorry, not mom."
"Oh, hey Robin. Where's mom?"
"She seems to be feeling under the weather. I'm going to make you boys breakfast and ship you off to school, how does that sound?"
"Um, yeah sure, that's alright. Are you sure she's okay?"
"Yeah, just the sniffles. I'm going to bring her some juice a little later. Can you help Roland finish getting ready while I start on breakfast? Make sure his clothes match somewhat? And his teeth are brushed?"
"Yeah, I can do that."
"Thanks, seeya downstairs." Robin headed down the stairs, leaving Henry to finish dressing.
After pulling on his shirt, Henry put on his socks and shoes and headed down the hallway to check on Roland.
"Hey Ro, you almost done getting dressed?" Henry asked as he entered the younger boy's room.
"Almost, are my shoes on the right feet?" Henry walked over to the boy and checked out his entire outfit.
"Are you sure this is what you want to wear? Mom didn't set anything out for you?" Roland shook his head no.
"No, mama didn't put anything out. Don't you like my outfit?" Henry ruffled Roland's hair.
"Sure kid, now go brush your teeth. Your dad's making us breakfast." Roland took off towards their shared bathroom and Henry padded down the hall to his mom's room. He knew she wasn't sick. He knew what today was. It was their tradition every year. She'd take off from work and Henry would stay home from school. They would pack a picnic lunch and head out to the cemetery and spend the afternoon chatting with Daniel's headstone. Some might think it a little strange, but it was oddly therapeutic for the both of them. This year though, this year Henry had woken up and gotten dressed. His mother had not come to tell him they were staying home this year like all the years before. This year there was a Robin and a Roland and Henry figured Regina thought she should put this particular tradition behind them. Henry knew better.
Henry walked to the door of the master bedroom that Robin left slightly ajar. He took a deep breath and knocked softly. He heard a small grumble, a voice not quite belonging to his mother, let out something that sounded like, "I told you I'm fine Robin". Henry waited a beat before pushing the door open. He stepped inside the room to see his mother huddled over a pillow on one side of the bed. She looked in his direction before burying her face in the pillow to mute her cries she was now free to cry in front of Henry because he understood. Henry rushed to his mother's side and sat on the bed, carefully stroking her back. After a few moments he leaned forward so he was partially laying against her. She rolled onto her back and allowed Henry to fully recline on the bed. Now she was the one stroking his back, murmuring into his head how she didn't think this day would be just as hard as the others now that she had Robin. Henry simply nodded his head against her just. They lay like this, mother and son, for quite a few moments before a small voice yells out.
"Henry, I'm finished! Can we go down for breakfast now?!"
Henry picks up his head from his mother's chest and looks at her face. She offers up a small smile.
"You better go. He'll start to worry."
"But what about you? What about, you know, the thing we do?"
"I wasn't sure if we should do that this year." Henry stared deeply into his mother's eyes.
"I think we should. We're both a mess. I don't think I would feel right if we didn't." Regina reached up to stroke Henry's cheek.
"Oh, my little prince." A beat. "Alright, we'll stick to our tradition. I don't want Robin to know though. This is just something for us. We'll go on like today is a regular day, except I'm obviously staying home. Robin thinks I'm sick. Go to school. I'll pack us a lunch and pick you up from there. How does that sound?" Henry leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his mother's neck.
"I think that sounds like a great idea, mom."
"Henry! Are you in here?" Roland cried out again, this time pushing the door open to the master bedroom. Henry quickly pulled away from his mom.
"Mama, are you crying?" Roland asked as his little feet carried him quickly across the carpeted bedroom floor to the side of his mama. He paused in front of her and stared deep into her chocolate brown eyes.
"No, baby, I just have the sniffles. Mama's gonna stay home today, okay?" Roland nodded his head.
"Okay. Henry, we need to let mama and Squishy rest. Now let's go! I'm hungry! I don't wanna be late to school! We get to color for morning active, act, what's the word?"
"Activity." Both Henry and Regina said.
"Yeah, morning activity. Let's go!" Roland cried out for a final time as he grasped Henry's hand and pulled him forward. A small smile crept onto Regina's face as Henry waved a tentative good – bye to his mother. He was a little worried that she thought, for the briefest of moments, they shouldn't keep up with their tradition. Henry doesn't talk about his birth father very much and although is quite taken with Robin as his step – father, he doesn't like the thought of forgetting Daniel, even if Henry only has his mother's stories to keep the memories alive.
Henry allowed Roland to pass in front of him down the stairs on their way towards the kitchen. Henry could smell eggs and bacon with a hint of hot chocolate wafting through the downstairs. They approached the dining room and saw Robin set everything out. Henry was quite puzzled by this as they always ate in the kitchen for breakfast and lunch. Robin came through the double swinging doors carrying a tray.
"Oh hey boys, I've set everything out, I'm just gonna take this tray upstairs to your mom." Henry and Roland nodded as they pulled chairs out and sat down to eat. Henry noticed Robin prepared a plate of eggs with some toast, orange juice, water and a flower on the tray for his mom. His mouth formed a sly smile. Robin was a really great guy for his mom. He's never seen her so happy, so full of love as she was with Robin. She'd dated a few guys before, Henry even got to meet one or two, but none had recaptured the light in her eyes like Robin. Yes, Robin had stolen Regina's heart and Regina let him keep it. Henry and Roland dug into their breakfast as was custom because Regina was usually standing over them, rushing them, telling them how they dawdled in getting ready for school and that perhaps she would send them to bed earlier in the evening. Both boys would whine and she would purse her lips, negotiating with them that in the morning it would do them good to actually get out of bed when their alarms went off or else. She would go on to prepare a travel mug of coffee for her and Robin and instruct the boys to clear their plates and place them in the dishwasher so they could have clean dishes for dinner. The Hood – Mills family would file out the door and off to their destinations. Yes, this was their usual morning routine when one Regina Mills wasn't huddled under her bed covers sick with an incurable sickness.
Robin arrived upstairs outside of the master bedroom. He balanced the food tray in one arm while grasping the bedroom doorknob after knocking to announce his arrival. Regina lay huddled over his pillow on her side of the bed. She craned her head back when Robin started his approach to the bed. She scoffed, almost snorting as she rolled over and tried to sit up. Her belly was proving to be an obstacle in that regard.
"Robin, I told you I wasn't hungry." Robin set the food tray down on the dresser and hurried to his wife's side to help her sit up. He took the pillow she was cradling earlier and placed it behind her back to support her. He adjusted the covers so they lay low on her lap, accentuating the baby bump that was definitely there. Anyone who didn't already know Regina was pregnant would certainly have no trouble making that discernment now. He grinned a little at her complaint, surmising it wasn't a real one since she'd sat up. Robin fetched the food tray and returned to his wife's side, pulling the legs from underneath the food tray so it sat on the bed over her lap rather than on it.
"I know love, I know. What kind of husband would I be if I didn't force feed you?" Regina laughed a little as she tentatively forked the eggs, placing them in her mouth and chewing slowly. Good, Robin hadn't managed to screw them up. She took a bite of the plain toast and washed down the bites with a sip of orange juice. She sat the fork down and folded her arms on top of her belly.
"Satisfied?"
"Well, no not really. You only had a bite of eggs and toast."
"It was all I could muster dear. I'm sorry," she said as she reached out a hand to stroke his face. Robin let out a sigh and an idea popped into his head. He picked the fork back up and forked more eggs onto it. Regina stared in disbelief, rolling her eyes as Robin began making whirring noises with his mouth, moving the fork back and forth as if it were an airplane. He paused the fork in front of Regina's mouth.
"This is Captain Robin to ground control, request permission for landing." Regina just sat there, tightening her lips. Robin made static noises with his mouth, imitating the radios used for communication. "I repeat, ground control this is Captain Robin requesting permission to land at the Hood – Mills airport, please respond." As her lips parted to let out a small chuckle at her husband's antics, Robin popped in the forkful of eggs, forcing Regina to bite down and reluctantly eat them. She placed a hand on his hand to stop him from going for more eggs.
"Please Robin, I'm not in the mood, okay?" Robin dropped his head, looking slightly defeated. He removed the tray from her lap and placed it on her night stand. "Now, are the boys dressed and ready? Do they have their book bags? Their homework present and accounted for?" Robin nodded his head to each of her questions. "Good. It's getting late; Roland said he didn't want to miss morning activity today."
"He saw you?"
"Yeah, he and Henry both stopped in."
"Okay love, I'm going to go now. I'll ring you later to check in and see how you're feeling, okay?" He leaned down and pecked her lips.
"That sounds fine, I'll be here."
"And please, please, please finish your breakfast. I worked really hard on it." She let out another small chuckle for she did indeed know how hard he worked on such a simple breakfast of scrambled yet runny eggs and unburnt toast. Robin retreated from the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. She let out a heavy sigh and prepared to haul herself off the bed. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and paused. She took another deep breath and pushed herself up to a standing position. The baby shifted onto her bladder. With all the crying she'd been doing she wasn't certain she had any fluid left in her for peeing, but the baby proved her wrong. Regina walked over to the window in time to see her boys climb into Robin's truck and head out. She shook her head; they needed to discuss possibly getting a van so everyone could sit comfortably in a vehicle. Roland still had to sit in a booster seat and she wasn't sure Henry would be comfortable seated in between a booster seat and a carseat. Regina felt a twinge in her lower abdomen and the distinct feeling of urine leaking out.
"Damnit. At least I remembered those panty liners. Baby, can you cooperate with mommy today? She's not feeling well and isn't quite sure how she's going to make it through this day," Regina sighed out as she rubbed her belly while quickly walking to the en suite bathroom to pee. She lowered herself onto the toilet seat and relieved herself. Regina was quite surprised how much urine actually came out. She wiped, got up and flushed. She moved to wash her hands and caught her reflection in the mirror. Perhaps Robin was right to be a little worried, she looked like hell. Maybe a nice hot shower would soothe her aches and pains. It didn't take her long to step to the shower, turn it on and let the water warm before she was shedding her clothes. Once she stepped into the shower, she headed straight for the showerhead, standing underneath, almost drowning in the cascading water. She stood like that, allowing the hot water to wash away her tear stained face for a few moments before reaching for the shampoo and washing her. Next she grabbed the puff and lathered it up with her favorite scented body wash, rubbing it all over her body. Finally she took a washcloth and the bar soap to wash her vagina in order to not disturb her natural flora and risk infection. She shut the water off and grabbed her towel to dry herself. Steam fogged the mirror as she stepped to the sink to brush her teeth and wash her face. She looked better, she felt better. She headed to the dresser and took the body butter with her to sit on the edge of the bed. Well, she sat on Robin's side of the bed, in front of the full length mirror. Her towel gathered around her waist while she took some of the body butter and began rubbing it in her belly. She didn't want stretch marks and this was very intimate – she felt it helped connect her to the still growing fetus inside her. This act comforted her as she feel the soft rumbles she was sure was her child. After a few minutes she was satisfied the body butter had completely absorbed in her skin, she lotioned the rest of her body and searched for clothes to dress in. She approached her walk – in closet and headed straight to the back where his clothes were. It was another part of her tradition to dress in one of Daniel's button downs. Unfortunately she'd never been pregnant before during this ritual so she hoped one of the few button downs she kept would fit over her protruding belly. She pulled out a red and orange flannel shirt. She headed for one of Robin's drawers and pulled out a plain white under shirt. The fabric of the undershirt stretched comfortably over her baby bump. Satisfied, she slipped her arms into the flannel button down and began to button it. It was a tight fit over the baby bump as Daniel had a slim build, but she thought she could always unbutton some of the buttons a later if she got too uncomfortable. She rummaged through her underwear drawer and pulled out some thick gray wool tights and pulled them up her thighs and over her hips, both of which seem to have gained a little fat in those areas. Satisfied with her outfit, she wandered back over to her bed and picked at the offerings still left on the tray. She may not have been hungry earlier, but she definitely wasn't in the mood for eggs and dry toast. No, per their annual tradition, she and Henry would eat a lunch packed with things Daniel liked to eat. Hot wings and fries and her apple tarts. She much wasn't in the mood for cooking either of those things and thusly picked up the phone to dial Granny's.
"Granny's, Ruby speaking." Ruby answered the phone. Ruby was met with silence. "Hello? Anyone there? This better not be a prank, I haven't had my Irish coffee yet, so I'm not quite in the mood for games." Another breath.
"Ruby."
"Regina? Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's uh, me."
"Hey. Cutting it kinda close there, aren't cha?" Regina hummed into the phone.
"So, Daniel's buffalo wings and fries? Extra ranch dressing?"
"Mmmhmm."
"Want a side salad with that?"
"Maybe a grilled chicken salad? Spicy foods aren't really my friends nowadays."
"You got it. When will you be by?"
"Um, maybe give me thirty minutes?"
"Sure. We'll seeya here."
"Oh, and Ruby?"
"Yeah?"
"I wasn't quite in the mood to make apple tarts this year."
"Say no more, unfortunately all we have is apple pie. Will that do?" Regina smiled into the phone.
"Yeah, that'll be fine." She hung up the phone and reached for the tray to carry it downstairs. She hears the whirring of the dishwasher and smiles a little bit. Her husband was very good to her and what a shame it was she was feeling a little selfish and annoyed and ungrateful and all these emotions bubbling to the surface, threatening tears again. Her eyes are full and the salted liquid spills forth, streams running across her plump, rosy cheeks. She scrapes the food off into the trash can and places the dishes in the sink. They can wait until later to be cleaned. She stretches as much as she can to grasp the picnic basket on top of the refrigerator. She felt a little silly packing one since she was picking food up from Granny's, but she figured the entire meal didn't have to be entirely unhealthy. She grabbed a couple of Roland's juice boxes and the package of pre – sliced fruit Robin picked up earlier in the week when she was feeling too glum even for grocery shopping. She grabbed a couple of water bottles as well and headed for the hall closet. Standing on her tippy toes again she reached for the blanket they would take with them every year. It was the only time the blanket was used. It belonged to Daniel – his grandmother made it for him when he was a baby and the older woman gifted it to them a few months before she died, for her great – grandchild she told them. The sentiment brought tears to Regina's eyes back then because they were so desperately trying to get pregnant with no success. Regina and Daniel accepted the gift, but when they got home Regina was so distraught she made Daniel place it in the hall closet. Five months later when Daniel's grandmother passed away she found Daniel seated on their sofa in front of a fire huddled in the blanket. Seeing her husband in mourning, she did what she could, sitting beside him and offering him comfort. She knew he was in no state, but she did allow him to take her on that sofa, wrapped in his grandmother's blanket. It was the most beautiful, sensuous experience she'd ever had with her husband. He was gentle and caring and worshipped her body as if she was a most delicate flower worthy only of looking and not plucking. They made love for hours and after they were sated they cuddled into each other, shedding tears. Funny then how a few weeks later Regina found herself worshipping the porcelain king for the third time that day. Mr. Gold made her leave work because he didn't need a stomach virus running rampant at the company. She'd only been working there for a little under a year and she was terrified of making a bad impression. Mal comforted her somewhat, telling her Mr. Gold seemed tough, but really he was a big softy and even seemed to have a soft spot for Regina. Mal even helped Regina to her car, declaring if she got sick, Regina had to wait on her hand and foot. They had a good chuckle at that and Regina relaxed, her anxieties about the people at her job liking her ebbed just a little.
She'd made it home and was making herself chicken broth on the stove because she hadn't really had the opportunity to keep anything down and she was feeling a bit weak and dizzy. After giving the broth a quick stir, she pulled open the fridge door and got a whiff of last night's takeout from Granny's and while she had salivated over the cheesiest cheeseburger that needed an extra big smear of pimento cheese she was most certainly not salivating over it now. In fact it made her quite nauseated and she found her self in a mad dash towards the downstairs bathroom. That was where Daniel found his wife a few hours later when he returned from work. She was too weak to move and respond to him calling out to her. She'd left the stove on and the broth she was warming up had all but evaporated out the pot, smoking the kitchen some. She heard him rushing to the kitchen to shut the stove off, heard him clang the pot in the sink, heard the water steam when he rinsed it out in the sink. He called to her again. She weakly responded that she was in the bathroom. He was by her side, cupping her face, pulling her to him and asking her so, so many questions her head hurt. Finally he calmed down enough to properly look at her. He asked her if she'd been throwing up, she nodded her head weakly. He prompted her, reminding her it was the fourth time that week. She responded, yeah, a stomach bug. He asked her if it was possibly a stomach bug that wouldn't go away for quite some time. She peered up at him through bangs that stuck to her forehead with sweat. She promised him she would go to the doctor first thing in the morning and maybe he could get her some peppermint tea to settle her stomach instead. He slowly nodded his head and left the bathroom. He returned a little while later with her tea and a box. She queried him, asking him what he was doing with that particular box. He told her to relax and he was just going on a hunch and asked her if she trusted him. She stared into his eyes, searching and realized he was dead serious. He asked her again if she trusted him and this time she nodded her head. He helped her drink a few sips of tea before helping her to her feet. He sat her on the toilet and opened the box, the pregnancy test she bought a few months after the last round of treatments, but then her cycle came and she angrily tossed it into the back of the cabinet underneath their master bath. He handed her the test stick and asked if she wanted some privacy. She told him it was his idea and she wanted him in close proximity to use as a punching bag if it wasn't what they wanted. He chuckled, held her hand and stroked her head, murmuring in her ear that he was there for her and that she should just trust him. She clenched his hand, feeling the urge to urinate. She let go of his hand and stuck the tip in the stream of urine that flowed from her body. She brought the stick out and Daniel took it from her hands and placed it on the edge of the sink. Finding strength after feeling weak, Regina quickly wiped, pulled back on her dress pants, moved Daniel out of the way so she could wash her hands and quickly exited the bathroom. Daniel called after her but did not chase her, afraid to leave the pregnancy test unattended. He figured his wife could use some time anyway. Regina found herself on the sofa with Daniel's grandmother's blanket resting on the back. Feeling chilled, she pulled it close around her body, saying a silent prayer and letting tears silently fall from her face. It was Daniel's voice startling her after a few moments. Her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't quite read Daniel's voice; wasn't sure if it was happy or sad, plaintive, asking for forgiveness that he'd gotten their hopes up. He called out to her again, but she said still as a rock, not ready to face disappointment again. Finally he walked in front of her and squatted down in front of her face. She refused to look at him; didn't want to see the disappointment in his face that she failed to conceive yet again. The breath she was holding begged her for release and she let it go, with choked out sobs. Daniel reached up to wipe the tears, asking her why she was crying. She choked out because she was a failure. He asked what she was talking about and she replied because she couldn't give him a child. He told her that was the silliest thing he'd ever heard of and that her stomach bug wasn't going away because it wasn't a stomach bug. She told him he was being sweet to her, but she knew it was a stomach bug. He chuckled a wry laugh and told her he hoped that's not what she wanted to call their child. She stared heard into his eyes, asking him if he was serious and telling him if he knew what was good for him he would stop playing. He held up the pregnancy test in front of his face. Her mouth gasped open and the blanket fell away from her hands as she reached out to grab that stupid little test that tormented her for the better part of her marriage. She pulled it to her face and stood up. Daniel circled her, not sure of his wife's reaction. He was pleasantly surprised when she finally screamed out oh shit! And even a holy shit! Nothing was more precious to him than that moment when a big, wide grin finally broke out on Regina's face as she realized she was pregnant. She wrapped her arms around Daniel's neck and kissed him so passionately. She broke the kiss and pulled back from him to make sure there really were two lines. Daniel reached around her waist, hoisting her in his arms, spinning her a bit before she begged him to put her down less he wanted peppermint tea all over his uniform. He sat her down on the sofa, draping his grandmother's blanket around them, both of them silently thanking grandmother for this wonderful gift.
Sighing at the memory, Regina pulled on her boots and grabbed her coat before heading out the door to her car. She arrived at Granny's ten minutes later and rushed inside. Ruby stood at the register as Regina handed her money for her purchase.
"It's good to see you in here Regina."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, we were all sad to learn of Daniel's passing. It's amazing you keep his memory alive. I know he was your husband and you have more right to miss him more than anyone else in this town, but we mourn with you." Regina wasn't quite sure what to make of that, but she took it for what it was, words of comfort.
"Thank you Ruby. I know it seems silly and I've been beating myself up for the past two weeks, confused if I should continue on now that I have Robin in my life, but when Henry came into my room, asking if we weren't going to do our thing this year, I knew at that moment Henry is the one who truly needs this, even more than I do, than we do. Henry never even really got to know his father. This tradition is all he has, all he has to look forward to and I could never take that away." Ruby just stared and let Regina speak. Granny came from the back with Regina's order and came around from the back, setting the order on the counter and then pulling Regina into as tight of a hug as she could.
"My goodness, Jr's getting pretty big there." Regina choked out a laugh and arched an eye brow at the older woman.
"Jr? Know something I don't"
"Yeah, Granny's started a pot on the sex of the baby, you've got inside information, care to share?"
"Not quite far along enough to tell the sex. Robin and I haven't really discussed if we're going to find out or wait to be surprised."
"Weren't you already surprised? Emma told us how she and Mary – Margaret had to trick you into taking the pregnancy test and telling you you were pregnant." Regina simply rolled her eyes in response.
"Remind me to teach Mary – Margaret and Emma on the importance of keeping secrets. Telling other people's business might come back and bite them in the ass." There was an awkward silence between the three women before Regina finally grasped her food and retreated out the front door.
The ride over to Henry's school wasn't much longer. Regina parked in the parking lot and nervously approached the building. She cautiously walked to the front office, not wanting to attract any attention on this day. Arriving at the front office, she pushed the door open and approached the front desk. The secretary wasn't at her desk, so Regina had to stand there for a few moments.
"Ah, Miss Mills, Henry said you would be by this morning to check him out. I thought that boy was crazy, yet here you are!"
"Yeah, we have an appointment to get to. Can you have him paged out of class please?"
"Certainly, give me a moment, why don't you have a seat, rest your feet, hm?" Regina nodded her head and sat on the sofa in the office, not realizing how sore her back was feeling. Ten minutes passed before Henry came rushing into the office. Regina rose to her feet quickly as he embraced her, tears he'd been holding back finally free to fall.
"I'm glad you're here, mom."
"Me too baby, me too," she responded, stroking his head and back. They both sniffled and silently left the office. They walked to her car and settled in for the ride to the cemetery. It was about twenty minutes outside of the city, down an empty road. The ride was silent, but they didn't need words. There was a connection with them, deepened by the loss of Henry's father and sometimes they didn't need words to know what the other was feeling.
Regina pulled onto the gravel pathway that wound its way around to the back of the cemetery; easy access to Daniel's grave, but private enough for the picnic lunch Regina prepared for them. She parked the car and Henry hopped out, reaching for the basket in the backseat while Regina grabbed the blanket and they both headed over to Daniel's grave. Henry stood to the side while he waited for Regina to spread and smooth the blanket out before he plopped down with the food.
"Grilled chicken salad? You're got gonna eat hot wings with me?" Regina chuckled.
"Normally, you know I would. Your father ate them all the time and teased me for eating healthy, but I would tell him it didn't stop me from stealing wings off his plate. This year though, there's a baby in here," she said rubbing her swollen belly, "and baby doesn't really like spicy food." Henry mouthed a silent 'oh' as he continued to set their picnic items out. This is how their macabre picnic lunch began, first they ate. Then Henry and Regina would tell Daniel all the things that happened in the last year. And then the most bittersweet part, for Regina at least, Henry would request Regina tell him a story about Daniel.
The door to Mary – Margaret's classroom flung open and a flustered Robin appeared in the doorway.
"Robin? I uh mean, Officer Hood, how can I help you?"
"Sorry to bother you Ms. Nolan, can I speak to you?" Mary – Margaret's eyebrows arched almost as high as Regina's.
"Now?"
"Yeah, it's really important."
"Okay, yeah, uh sure. Give me a moment. Okay kids, why don't you start reading the chapter, silently. I'll just be out in the hallway. August, you're name taker." Mary – Margaret sat down her copy of Black Beauty and joined Robin in the hallway. "Okay, I'm here, what was so important you couldn't shoot me a text on my phone?" She fussed out in a whisper.
"I can't find Regina."
"What do you mean you can't find Regina? Isn't she at work?"
"No, she hasn't been feeling well these past couple of days, swears it's just a cold. She even called out of work today."
"Oh, wow, she must be really sick then."
"Yeah, she's not really eating."
"Okay."
"Yeah, so I texted her after I got to work to see if she finished breakfast and if she wanted me to stop by for lunch and she didn't answer."
"Well, maybe she was asleep."
"I thought so to, so I rang the house."
"Why would you do that?! You know how valuable sleep is to her right now!"
"I know, I know, but I was worried okay? Not a lot of meds a pregnant woman can take. Since she didn't answer the house phone either, I decided to go home on my lunch break and bring her something to eat."
"Okay, with you so far," Mary – Margaret said as she motioned with her hands for him to continue.
"I pulled up to the house and her car is gone. I head inside and she's not there, there's no note, she just left dishes in the sink, which she gets onto me about because she doesn't want ants in the kitchen. I try her cell phone again and nothing. What if something bad has happened?"
"Slow down, slow down. Did you call the hospital?"
"Well, even the sheriff's office doesn't act on missing persons until after twenty – four hours."
"Hmm, and she didn't say anything about possibly going out when you left her this morning?" Robin shook his head no.
"No, I could barely get anything out of her other than she wasn't hungry and to not make her breakfast, even though I did. Oh my gosh, do you think she's ignoring me because I made her breakfast when she didn't want it? I was only thinking of the baby."
"No, I don't think she would do that. She's been like this for the past few days?"
"Yeah, why do you ask?"
"Robin, what's today?"
"March 20th, why?"
"Oh Robin."
"What? What is it?"
"Today's the day Daniel died." Robin's features softened.
"Well, what does that have to do with where Regina is?"
"I'm not sure if it's my place to tell you seeing as she hasn't told you."
"Please, I just need to know she's okay."
"She's fine, there's nothing to worry about. I won't tell you everything, but, you might find your wife at the cemetery."
"What?"
"It's this thing she does. Why don't you wait until she gets home? Ask her to tell you a little bit about Daniel because you don't want her to forget. Especially on a day like today, but don't let her know you know. She'll wring both our necks." Robin nodded his head.
"Okay, thanks."
"You're welcome. Now I have a class to get back to. Oh, and Robin, should you find your neck in Regina's hands, feel free to hide out with David and I."
"Thanks Mary – Margaret."
It was hours later when Regina and Henry finally made it back to their house on Miflin Street. The day passed so quickly, time had gotten away from them. Regina opened the front door, ushering Henry in and sending him upstairs to get started on his homework. Warm smells from the kitchen greeted her senses once she made her way into the foyer. Roland was seated at the coffee table with cut up hot dog pieces on a plate and he pretended to feed them to his Lego pieces every now and then. Regina smiled at the little boy and approached him, sitting down on the sofa behind him. Roland turned around to see her and a big grin spread across his face as he launched himself into her arms. He pulled back slightly, remembering Regina had a baby in her belly and he cautiously rubbed her stomach, murmuring "I'm sorry baby," before petting her stomach again and placing a gentle kiss. A hearty laugh rumbled through her body and Roland looked up at Regina in surprise, thinking he finally felt the baby move. He was a little disappointed when her stomach stopped its motions when she caught herself laughing.
"That's not nice Gina." Roland scolded. She could tell he was really mad because that's the only time he didn't call her mama.
"I'm sorry dear, I'm just so glad you're so caring for your little brother or sister."
"Why can't I feel them yet?"
"Them? There's only one in there. And he or she isn't quite big enough for you to feel."
"But daddy says he got to feel."
"Well, I think daddy just pretends to feel. I can barely tell he's moving around in there."
"Oh kay."
"Speaking of your daddy, do you know where he is?"
"Uh – huh," Roland responded, nodding his head up and down dramatically.
"Well, don't keep me in suspense where is he?"
"He's in the kitchen. He said he wanted to make you a special dinner, but it's a surprise!" Then Roland leaned in close to Regina's ear, "Don't tell him I told," he whispered loudly. Regina chuckled and placed the small boy back down on the floor. She stood up and smoothed out the flannel shirt in preparation for facing her husband. She passed through the doors that led to the kitchen to see Robin putting the finishing touches on their meal.
"Hey love, thought I heard you and Henry come in. Are you feeling better?" Regina stared at Robin, not sure what to make of the scene before her. She folded her arms across her chest and hummed.
"Mmmm, much better. What's all this?" Robin removed the dishtowel he had thrown over his shoulder and approached Regina. She backed up instinctively. Robin pulled her hands down and wrapped his arms tightly around her. Regina could only stand still in his embrace. Robin turned his head so he could rest it on her shoulder and inhale the scent from her neck and pecking a kiss there. He whispered in her ear, "Tell me about Daniel." Immediately Regina went rigid and pushed Robin away. "Who told you?" Her face twisted into one of anger or grief, Robin wasn't quite sure.
"Hey, hey, it's alright."
"Robin. Who. Told. You."
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
"How so?"
"Because, because, it – " Regina was at a loss for words. She really wasn't quite sure why she was keeping this secret from Robin. True, it was a private thing for she and Henry, but as her husband, shouldn't he know these things?
"I know this isn't something you're ready to share. That's why I made you dinner, so you could have a safe space to tell me whatever's going on in that head of yours. If you want to remember Daniel, I want you to remember Daniel. I don't want you to forget about him because I'm here now. I still think about Lydia – I don't want to forget her either. She gave me Roland and I will always love her for that. When I look at him, I see her. Her personality, her brown eyes, so full of love and care and I know that's her living on through her son." Regina choked back a sob and this time when Robin embraced his wife she didn't resist. She hugged him tight and a rush of tears and sobs came forward. They stood like that for quite some time. Robin stroking her back and murmuring that is was okay for her to cry and to let it all out. Nothing was more therapeutic or welcoming or refreshing than Robin letting her to cry in his arms. Even though the yearly tradition was for her and Henry, Regina never felt it appropriate for her to mourn as she was in this moment. When finally Regina's cries were reduced to sniffles and she pulled back from Robin, she kissed him strong but chastely. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were soaked, as was Robin's shirt. Robin led Regina over to the kitchen table and sat her down while he dampened a paper towel. He approached Regina and wiped her face and offered her a dry paper towel to dry her face with.
No more words were exchanged between the two of them as they ate a dinner of steak, green beans and roasted red potatoes. Robin even got Regina a bacon donut from the bakery. Henry had come down just as they were finishing and Robin immediately got up and made Henry a plate, telling him he could eat in the den and watch a movie with Roland. Henry looked at his mom for confirmation and she offered a small smile, nodding her head that yes, it was okay. He backed his way out of the kitchen, leaving Robin and Regina in silence yet again. Regina still looked a little sad. Robin scooted his seat close to Regina and she leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder as silent tears passed down her face once more. They stayed like that until soft sores could be heard coming from Regina. Robin sat her up a little, startling her. He whispered for her to go back to sleep as he held her and placed his arms under legs and upper back to carry her to their bedroom. He passed by the den and saw both Henry and Roland passed out on the floor. Robin tucked Regina in the bed and returned downstairs to send the boys upstairs to bed. It didn't take him long to clean up the kitchen and rejoin his wife in their bed. Just as many nights before, she snuggled in close to him and sighed contentedly.
This was his life now. Yes, they both were haunted by the ghosts of their former spouses and yes they had different ways of mourning them or remembering them, but it was all they knew how to do. He was a little sad there were still parts of Regina unknown to him but that was in part what attracted him to her – she had secrets that she struggled to keep hidden. He often wondered why it was so hard for her to share them with him. She had him, she didn't need to be strong all the time. He let out a sigh and stroked Regina's head. He kissed the top of her head and settled himself into the covers. Falling asleep his last thoughts were of how much harder he was going to work on letting Regina know she was okay and that he would keep her safe, always.
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