On most morning's she would have been the first one up and on the move. Running off only a few hours of sleep was something she was more than accustomed to. Late nights and early mornings. Since she was a child.

But this morning was different. Although she had laid in bed for the few hours she did every night, sleep had evaded her completely. Her mind was still reeling with thoughts whizzing by at top speed. All of them containing a single name. Levi. He had caught her sneaking in, hair dripping wet and covered in nothing save a measly towel. And what had she done? Babbled like an idiot in front of him. Any semblance of grace- gone. It was a cringe worthy memory even if it was only a few hours old. Admittedly she had fantasized more than a few times about what she would do if they ever crossed paths in the quiet hours of the night; but in her dreams she was always prepared. She'd have been put together- not a sopping mess- and picturesque. They would have shared tea and discussed pointless things until she eventually found the courage to make her move. A move that would have been executed flawlessly. She'd have said something cheeky and he'd respond equally and then somehow they'd have ended up tangled in a fevered embrace. Or something like that.

Instead she stuttered and sputtered like a dying engine. But still he had said the words she'd longed to hear. So why was she sick with melancholy instead of soaring in bliss? It wasn't the way he said it, she was well accustomed to his manners, but more of what he said. 'The feelings are mutual'. How could he possibly know what she felt for him when she was unsure herself? All she knew was that it was far beyond words. She'd fight for him, die for him, and defend him always. His title of captain had little to do with it; she'd feel the same even if he was stripped of all the many names he was adorned with. Only one truly mattered anyway. His approach could be rough and his personality, at times, rigid. But he was unapologetic in everything he did and that was enough for her. For as long as he was Levi, she would love everything about him; including his pure and terrible heart, because no other like it would ever exist.

She also knew he couldn't say the same for her. He was attracted to her body and possibly her mind; but her soul? Of course not.

So the feelings were not mutual; they were only half. Which meant one question remained. If lust was the only feeling he shared for her, could she give him just that. Just her body? And even if she could somehow convince herself to separate her love from lust, would he end up rejecting her in the end? She knew what he had said, the words were still fresh in her mind, but of all the people he could have why would he want her?

It was no secret that people slept together within their regime. She had seen it with her own two eyes, on accident of course, and more times than she would have liked. But Levi wasn't like that. Throughout her years as a scout she had never heard his name mentioned in the waves of gossip that floated around their barracks. Even before she had joined his squad, his name never came up. Sure, plenty of girls whispered about how much they wanted him, and what they would do if they ever got the chance; but that was it. If he did sleep around, it was a well kept secret. And it wasn't with just anyone.

No one had higher standards than Levi. Whoever he was taking to his bed would have to be special. She would be tall and beautiful with skin like silk. How could she compete with such a person? After years of cutting down giants, she was far from flawless. She was a soldier and her body had been adorned with many battle scars over the years. Surely he must know that; he had been present for more than a few.

So she was back to the same nagging question. Would he accept her if she offered? Was that something she even wanted? Her body screamed yes but her heart whispered no. He could never love her. It would be purely physical and that could completely unravel everything she had worked for. She loved him without ever having touched him which meant she was already in too deep.

It was all so strange, two days ago her feelings for her captain were nothing more than a private matter. It was nothing and now suddenly everything. All because he had caught her sneaking in and decided to try and have a normal conversation with her. One that had started off innocent and taken a hard turn into foreign territory. He was still the same Levi she had grown to love and admire. He was cold and unyielding- not exactly the relationship type. And yet, he had opened up to her and even teased her when they were alone. Nothing made sense anymore.

After a quick shower, she headed downstairs. Everyone was already seated and eating whatever food they had managed to scrape together. Even though breakfast was technically the most important meal for them, the current lack in funding made it impossible to guarantee all three meals. Breakfast and lunch consisted of whatever you could find, while dinner was the only full meal you were sure to receive.

"Well look who finally decided to show up" Gunther grumbled, his mouth full of whatever he was chewing on.

She couldn't help but scrunch her face in distaste as she grabbed a serving of the mysterious meal. She decided it was probably better not to ask, and simply took the open seat at the edge of the table. Levi turned his cool gaze towards her and slid a steaming cup of tea her way. She managed to produce a tired smile and a quiet thanks. She hated that it came out so timid, but their close proximity made her face grow hot.

You're pathetic.

It wasn't as if this was the first time she had been seated next to him. Levi always sat at the head of the table and everyone else just filled in around him. The seat next to him happened to be open. It was always open, and she had never questioned why. In fact, she had never really noticed. But now it was painfully obvious. She glanced around at her comrades, wondering if they left this seat open for her intentionally. Oluo caught her eye and flashed a smile towards her.

"Like what you see, Ral?"

Ignoring his question, she simply shot him a look that screamed 'fuck off'. She wouldn't slip up in front of her captain like she was sure Oluo wanted her to. There would be nothing more pleasing to him than to see her red faced from such a mistake. Filling her lungs with much needed air, she breathed out a dramatic sigh; earning questionable looks from her squad mates. She mumbled some version of an apology and continued on with the task of finishing her tea.

It would be a painfully long day.