As they walked, Lance studied his friend worriedly. The yellow paladin was still pale, and shakier than he liked, but that wasn't surprising after such a severe breakdown. He'd seen Hunk have breakdowns a few times before, usually when he'd forced himself to push through a high-stress situation without being able to manage his anxiety properly, but this was the worst one Lance had ever seen. Even the one after they'd fought Zarkon hadn't been this bad, even with all of them exhausted from the fight and frantic over Shiro's disappearance.
A cold spike of dread curled in his gut. How badly was Pidge hurt, then, that Hunk was this messed up about it? He'd seen Green and Red snarling and trying to smash through the stone and metal over the underground complex, but Red had done the same thing at the Blade headquarters when Keith had undergone the Trials, and his injuries hadn't been that severe. She'd even been known to chase after her paladin when he wasn't hurt at all, merely in trouble (again), so Lance hadn't taken their behaviour that seriously, something he was regretting now. The blue paladin knew that Hunk had had to go and help their two teammates, that Keith had carried Pidge out of Trepan Kev, but he hadn't gotten more than a glimpse of any of them before Keith was inside his Lion and Red was burning atmosphere toward the Castle. He'd wanted to ask what had happened, but the yellow paladin's tone as he took the lead on the return flight made him hesitate, the way it was steady and commanding without a hint of fear. Hunk never normally sounded like that.
It was why he'd headed straight for Yellow as soon as they landed. He'd known that breakdown was coming probably before Hunk did.
He still didn't dare ask. The last thing he wanted was to push his friend's anxiety levels back up again by making him think about it, and he'd find out once they got to the medical area anyway. Right now he needed to focus on helping Hunk ride out the last of his shakiness and watch in case the other needed to be sick as they made their way slowly through the corridors. Thankfully, he didn't, and by the time they reached the cryo-replenisher room Hunk was steadier on his feet and his colour was better, much to Lance's relief. Unfortunately, it only lasted until the doors whirred open in front of them and they caught sight of the rest of their friends clustered around the healing pod that contained their teammate.
The green paladin floated in the pod, eyes closed and her hair drifting slightly around her face in the energy currents that cast a sickly greenish tinge over her pale skin. She was still dressed in her damaged undersuit and most of her armor, all except the helmet that Keith was clutching to his chest like a lifeline. Lance wondered for a moment why Coran hadn't taken the time to change her into the white medical suit or even strip off the armor before placing her in the pod, before his gaze landed on her torso and he felt the blood drain from his face in horror. Something, a blaster by the look of it, had ripped a bloody chunk out of her side just where the bottom edge of the breastplate angled upwards, exposing torn muscle and the fractured curve of a rib in the deep, ugly gash. The blue paladin swallowed hard, trying not to be sick. Whatever he'd expected, this was way worse than anything he could have imagined.
Taking a hesitant step forward, he glanced uncertainly at the others. Keith was off to one side, his head bowed and his face hidden by the hair that hung around his face. He didn't seem to be injured himself, but the way his trembling arms wrapped tightly around Pidge's helmet and the way he stood deliberately apart from the rest of the team gave away that he was far from okay. Judging by Shiro's worried glances toward the red paladin, though, Keith was already shutting them out and Lance made a mental note to talk to the other teen first chance he got.
An obviously shaken Shiro's attention was split between his brother, shaken and distant, and his boyfriend, wrapped in the black paladin's arms as he whispered quiet reassurances to the younger. Matt's face was hidden in Shiro's shoulder, but Lance could see the way his shoulders shook as he muffled his sobs against the older man's chest. The blue paladin couldn't even imagine what it must have been like for the older Holt sibling when Keith had arrived with a bloody, injured Pidge in his arms. The thought of going through something like that with one of his own younger siblings, nevermind the fact that Pidge was as good as a sister to him now...He quickly shook his head to drive away the mental images, trying to focus his attention on how the rest of his team was handling it. People were stressed enough without him giving himself an anxiety attack imagining things that weren't going to happen.
Alejandro and Kurogane seemed to be handling the situation best compared to everyone else, although that wasn't saying much. Both were pale and still wide-eyed as they talked in quiet undertones to each other, standing shoulder to shoulder to reassure each other with the contact. Every so often they would glance up, seeming to study Pidge as she rested in the pod, and as Lance watched Alejandro reached up to trace careful fingers over the scars that marred the side of Kurogane's head.
The two Alteans took Lance a moment to locate. Finally he spotted them on the far side of the room with a couple of Icebringer medics. All four were conversing quietly while Coran programmed one of the pods for its occupant. Only then did the blue paladin realize that all the cryo-replenishers were in use, quietly working away on the worst injuries among those who had fought today. He caught a glimpse of severe burns on the Altean in the pod nearest him and quickly turned away again, swallowing hard as he groped for Hunk's hand in mutual support.
A moment later Coran finished programming the pod, dismissing the control screen with a wave of his hand. A few more words were exchanged, then the medics slipped out of the room to rejoin their colleagues while the advisor and the Princess made their way back over to join those gathered around Pidge's pod. Their faces showed deep weariness, but were otherwise calm.
"She's going to be alright." Were the first words out of Coran's mouth as he approached, and Lance felt his entire body sag with relief so intense he thought he might cry.
The older Altean stepped up to the side of the pod beside Kurogane and brought up the monitor screens, scrolling through the displayed information with a flick of his finger. "It was close, I'll admit, but we got her into the cryo-replenisher in time. I expect she'll be out in about three rotations, once the damage is repaired." He tweaked his moustache thoughtfully. "It would be longer, but oddly, the wound looks as though it's already undergone some partial healing."
"Partial healing?" Shiro lifted his head in surprise, confusion written across his features as he studied the injury for a moment. "How did that happen?"
Coran shrugged helplessly, but Alejandro cleared his throat, lifting a hand. "I think I know." He said quietly. "She got the aspect finally. Curiosity and courage for the healing touch. Right Keith?" He looked over at the dark-haired teen expectantly.
The red paladin jerked slightly at the sound of his name, lifting his head to nod slightly. Lance caught a glimpse of red-rimmed eyes and frowned. He'd imagined those signs of past tears, surely. Keith never cried. But then again, seeing the way Hunk had been...and Keith had been with Pidge when it happened. He had every right to be a mess.
Alejandro smiled tiredly, looking relieved. "I thought so. I've seen an injury look like that before, partly fresh wound and partly healed tissue, back when our Holt got that aspect. It's not pretty, but it gets the job done." He glanced sideways at his partner, then tilted his head curiously. "I don't suppose you know what it was that did it, for her to unlock it?"
Keith shook his head, a single sharp jerk of negation, and wound his arms tighter around the helmet. Whatever had happened down there he obviously didn't want to talk about it just yet, and all the attention directed his way was obviously making him uncomfortable. "Shouldn't you already know how to unlock it?" Lance asked quickly in a bid to divert their attention from the uncomfortable red paladin, tilting his own head to the side. "I mean, you guys got three of them between you. You never mentioned how."
Running a hand through his hair, his older counterpart sighed. "You'd think that, but we don't. We know what was happening each time we got one, but aside from my combative characteristic, we don't really know what it was, what thoughts or emotions, that was actually the key to unlocking them."
"Well, how did you get the combative characteristic, then?" If he knew that, maybe he could do something similar. Blue's extra maneuvering thrusters would be useful against enemies like that robeast they'd fought when he got the Heart aspect.
He was met with a sad smile. "I know what you're thinking, but I got that one after we lost the Castle of Lions, when I ordered everyone back to the Long Wind. I knew there was nowhere else for us to go, but we'd be safe and with friends among the Icebringers."
"He kept his head and got us out of there to safety while the rest of us were too shaken to think straight." Kurogane put in softly, fixing his partner with a proud look that made the taller man blush. "Only once he'd got us all on board and talked to Shiiar'keh about living there permanently did he let himself break down over everything."
Okay. Definitely not duplicating that, then. But Lance couldn't help but be impressed by his older self's strength of will. He must have been falling apart inside all through that, with Yellow and Hunk lost in the same fight, but he'd still gotten his friends to safety before anything else. He gave Alejandro a deep nod of respect. "What about the other two, then?"
Kurogane shrugged. "I got the the personality aspect for passion and respect when I pulled us out of a fight. We were outclassed and would've gotten ourselves killed. Not sure what it was about that that did it, but it got us out of there. As for Holt, I wasn't exactly conscious for that." He grimaced, one hand going to the scars on the side of his head, and Lance abruptly realized what Alejandro must have been talking about when he said he'd seen a partly healed wound before.
"You weren't just unconscious, you were dead." Alejandro bit out, sounding pained. Kurogane quickly put an arm around his partner pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his temple as the former blue paladin let out a shuddering breath. "Holt was doing CPR and screaming at him that he wasn't allowed to die when she hadn't even gotten to see us married yet. Then there was this green flash and he was breathing again, just like that, and not bleeding so much." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "He was still hurt badly, but he was alive."
"But Katie's the one who got hurt this time." It was Matt who spoke this time, his voice strained and rough. Shiro tightened his arms comfortingly around Matt's shoulders, even as the ginger turned to face them properly. His eyes were red and puffy with tear trails still fresh on his cheeks, and he wiped his nose roughly with his sleeve. "Not Keith" He chewed on his lip unhappily. "Is needing to treat a major injury the common factor for that aspect, do you think?"
Kurogane shook his head firmly, giving the other man a look of sad understanding. "I don't think that's it. Of the three we knew we got, that was the last one to be unlocked, and there'd been plenty of major injuries amongst us before. If that was all it took, she probably would have got it when Alejandro lost his legs. There must be something else. But until we know more about what happened down there…" He shot Hunk a hopeful look.
Lance turned to look at his friend as well, but the yellow paladin was already shaking his head. "It happened before I reached them." He explained quietly, casting an unhappy glance toward the pod and the unconscious form of Pidge. "Keith told me it happened over the com when I was trying to get to them, but I don't know what actually happened. Just that she was hurt really bad, then she managed to activate it and passed out." He shrugged helplessly. "Sorry guys."
Shiro adjusted his hold on Matt and reached over to put a reassuring hand on Hunk's shoulder. "It's okay, Hunk. You've got nothing to apologize for there." He sighed, glancing at the pod again. "Let's just be grateful that you heard Keith calling for help and were able to get to them and get them out of there, okay? You saved Pidge's life, and that's something to be proud of."
The yellow paladin managed a shaky smile and nodded in response to the statement. "Right. Yeah, okay. Thanks, Shiro." He took a deep breath, turning to regard their injured teammate. "I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to get to them, y'know?" A flicker of guilt crossed his face, his fists clenching at his sides, and he looked away. "I kept...trying to get around the patrols instead of just shooting them with my bayard, and it was taking so long, Pidge could've…" He faltered swallowing hard, and Lance put a hand on his friend's back to comfort him.
"But she didn't, Hunk. You got to her in time." Shiro's voice was firm but gentle, forestalling the younger man's mounting anxiety. "Don't think about what could have been. Right now let's just focus on the fact that we're all here. We all got out alive, including Pidge." He lifted his head and surveyed his team. "It's late, and we need to try to get some rest. We can talk about this more in the morning."
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The curved side of the cryo-replenisher was hard against Keith's back as he leaned against it, his knees tucked to his chest. He knew he should be sleeping right now, the Castle's lighting had dimmed for the night hours ago leaving only the green glow of the active pods to light the room, but he couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes he saw that maintenance closet in Trepan Kev. Saw Pidge.
A slight shuffling sound in the quiet of the room startled him and he glanced over his shoulder. The others were sound asleep, curled shoulder to shoulder in the nest of blankets and pillows they'd transferred here from the observation lounge. None of them wanted to be too far from their injured teammate right now, as well as being close to the others, and it had taken some of them a while to be able to relax enough to sleep, but eventually every one of them had succumbed to their exhaustion and drifted off. Peering around the curve of the pod, though, Keith realized that Lance was awake. The blue paladin had propped himself up on one elbow and was looking around blearily, rubbing at his eyes.
Keith expected his teammate to flop back down and go right back to sleep. But then Lance seemed to catch sight of him and frowned, blinking tiredly. A moment later the lanky teen was on his feet and picking his way carefully past Shiro's awkwardly-placed arm and Allura's wayward hair to come around to the far side of the pod where the red paladin sat. He slid down the side of the pod with a soft sigh, crossing his legs in front of him with the clear intention of staying a while.
Tucking his legs tighter to his chest and ducking his head, Keith tensed in anticipation of questions. 'Why are you awake', 'are you okay', 'do you want to talk about it'. He took a deep breath. Then another. Then he lifted his head to glance in confusion at the other boy sitting in calm silence next to him, the only sound in the room the hum of machinery and the soft breathing of their friends from the other side of the pod. After several seconds of Lance gazing around the dimly-lit room and playing with a loose thread on the cuff of his shirt, the red paladin looked away again to rest his chin on his knees. The tension in him dropped a little, and he allowed himself to appreciate the silent company of the other paladin, as unexpected as it was nice.
He wasn't sure how long they sat like that, Lance sitting silently and Keith letting the events of that afternoon play through his head again and again as he stared out unseeing at the darkness around them. Two teammates injured. Two teammates dead. A third sacrificed to cover them. Then a fourth. Running. Pidge hurt. Pidge dying. And him, unable to do a damn thing about any of it. His breath hitched in spite of himself, loud in the silence around them.
"It was really bad down there, huh."
Lance's words, although he'd kept his voice low out of deference for the sleepers nearby, still carried clearly in the quiet of the room, making Keith jerk his head up to look at him. The blue paladin was watching him with an unhappy frown, one hand playing with his bare toes. "Down in Trepan Kev, I mean." He added, as if that point needed clarification. "I've never seen you or Hunk this messed up. Not that I blame you, though." The blue paladin tipped his head backwards, looking up at the pod behind them. Copying the motion, Keith could just see tufts of messy ginger hair floating above the solid back of the pod. "You guys have every right to be really not okay after something like that. All three of you."
It's okay to not be okay. Shiro had said the same thing to him once, years ago, when he'd been overwhelmed by the pressure of the Garrison's expectations and not fitting in and three new sets of foster guardians in less than two months, one of whom he never even got to meet before they were passing him up the line to the next. He hadn't slept in three days, crashed what should have been an easy sim, screamed at his caseworker, and Shiro had found him hyperventilating into a pillow in his trashed dorm room. The older boy, instead of lecturing him for the mess or expressing disappointment for the mistakes, had simply sat down with him, helped him get his breathing under control, and listened as Keith fought for words to explain the stresses he barely understood himself. And after it all, the man who had eventually become his brother had reassured him that it was okay to be angry, to be scared. To hurt.
"I couldn't do anything." The words slipped out of him almost before he realized it, startling them both. But here in the darkness of the cryo-replenisher room with Lance, he felt that same sense of warmth and understanding as he had that day with Shiro, that right now in this little bubble of safety he could give voice to his tumbling thoughts and not be judged.
"I couldn't do anything." He repeated. That had been the worst part, even more than the knowledge that he'd failed to protect her, that they were trapped, was the sheer helplessness he'd felt at the situation. That his sister, someone he'd finally allowed himself to see as the family he'd never had, was suffering, and he couldn't do anything to stop it. "She was hurting and scared and I couldn't do anything."
He felt Lance shift closer, their shoulders not quite brushing, and the other's gaze was a quiet weight on him. Patient and attentive, but not expecting anything from him.
His gaze was far away as he spoke. "There was so much blood, and she was so scared. I've never seen her scared like that. Lance, she-I-we both thought she was going to die." His eyes burned and he rubbed at them roughly with the back of his hand; it came away wet. "We thought she was going to die there, and she didn't want to die." A shuddering breath. "She told me she wanted to go home."
That sentence seemed to hang in the still air between them. Keith knew Lance would understand the weight of those words, coming from the one member of their team who had been more driven than any of them to continue onwards and outwards in search of her missing family. She'd found them, finally, but still the words had never once crossed her lips before now. A heavy warmth settled across his shoulders as Lance put an arm around him, tugging him against his side. "God, Keith…"
"She wanted to see her mom, and tell off Iverson." The words were coming more easily now, even as the guilt twisted painfully inside him. "She wanted to get to know all of us better, and see the universe, and grow up, and fall in love. There was so much she wanted to do that she thought she'd never get the chance to, and I couldn't even tell her that it was going to be okay. I couldn't comfort her, or promise I was going to get her out of there. All I could do was sit there and hold her and listen." The tears were falling openly now, but he couldn't bring himself to care. Lance wouldn't judge. He'd said it was okay. But he'd been so helpless, so unable to do anything for his friend, for his sister, when she'd needed him the most. They'd both thought she was going to die, and there was nothing he could do, not even find the words to lie and tell her it would be alright.
"No, Keith." Lance's voice was soft but firm, and the red paladin found himself being pulled against the other teen's chest, able to hide his tears from the world in the soft white shirt. Strong arms wrapped around him, supporting and protecting. "What you did was important. You were there. When she thought it was the end, she wasn't alone. She had family with her, someone who cared about her. She had you."
Keith hiccupped and buried his face in the blue paladin's shoulder, tangling his fingers in the other's shirt. How could Lance sound so sure that he'd been any good at all, when all he'd been able to do was watch Pidge fading away in his lap, her life draining out onto the floor?
"You were there, and you didn't leave." Lance was saying in his ear as he brought one hand up to stroke Keith's hair gently. "You didn't let her be scared alone. You think you didn't comfort her, but you did."
Slowly, the guilt in his chest uncoiled just a little at the other's words, letting him draw air into his lungs just a little easier. Lance understood people better than Keith did, better than anyone Keith had ever met. If he said Keith had helped just by being there, then maybe, just maybe, he hadn't completely failed Pidge down there, when he couldn't find a way out or the words of reassurance that seemed to come so easily to people like Shiro and Lance.
The blue paladin ran gentle fingers through his hair, the gesture surprisingly soothing as he carefully worked out a few tangles. "And you did get her out of there. You kept trying to call for help, which I know isn't easy for you, so good job on that. And once Hunk got to you you got her out of there fast, both of you together, and you and Red got her to the Castle. You saved her, Keith, you and Hunk and Red. She's safe, and she's gonna be okay, and that's thanks to you, because you don't give up and you put everything you have into what you're doing, especially when it's to protect."
Keith felt his cheeks warm unexpectedly at the praise, grateful that his face was still hidden in Lance's shoulder. He hiccupped again, turning his head a bit to rub at his eyes. "Got your shirt all wet." He mumbled apologetically. There was a large damp patch in the fabric where his tears had soaked right through.
That got a soft laugh, and a pat on the head. "Totally okay. You aren't the first, and you won't be the last. Heck, you're not even the first one today." Lance adjusted their positions slightly, tucking Keith back against his side with one arm cupping the back of his head gently, letting the red paladin rest his head in the crook of his shoulder. "Comfy?"
He nodded, leaning against the warm body beside him as exhaustion crept up on him. Between the mission and the fear and guilt that had followed, he felt wrung out and drained, without the energy to be embarrassed that Lance had seen him cry or flustered that the other had cradled him in his arms (and wasn't that just a bit of irony right there). In spite of himself, his eyes began to slip closed.
"Rest, Keith." He heard Lance whisper softly. "You're not alone either. Never again."
His last conscious thought before sleep claimed him was that maybe he should think about what he wanted to do with his life too while he still could.
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Shiro roused as the lights came up to their daytime brightness, rolling slightly onto his back and blinking up at the unfamiliar ceiling. For a moment, confusion and disorientation bred fear before he caught sight of one of the healing pods across the room and the events of the day before came rushing back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, steadying himself to face the day. After yesterday, things were a long way from okay. He'd need to be strong to get them all through this.
Gently disentangling himself from Matt's clinging grip, he sat up slowly and looked around. Coran was also up and already on his feet, moving to check the status of the patient in the first cryo-replenisher. When he noticed the black paladin looking, the Altean gave a nod and a tired smile of greeting before returning to his work.
Allura was still asleep behind him, curled on her side with her back towards him. Peering over, Shiro realized there was an unlocked data tablet resting under her hand. He chuckled as he noticed that she'd fallen asleep in the middle of writing something, and her fingers had left pages full of a repeated Altean letter as they sat on the screen's keyboard. He reached out and gently moved her hand and locked the tablet before it added even more.
On his other side, Matt's face was slack with sleep, although his fingers twitched restlessly and there were fresh tear tracks below his long eyelashes. It had taken him a long time to fall asleep, with the older Holt getting up repeatedly to check the pod's screens and reassure himself that Pidge was healing properly and occasionally finding fresh tears on his cheeks. Eventually, though, Shiro had managed to get him to settle in his arms and soothed him into a fitful sleep. Hopefully he'd rest a while longer yet before he had to face the reality of having come so close to losing his beloved sister just after finding her again.
Beyond Matt, there was a gap in the line, a rumpled blanket and pillow laying abandoned next to the sleeping forms of Hunk, Alejandro, and Kurogane. Shiro frowned. That was where Lance had been sleeping. It wasn't like the blue paladin to be up early unless he'd had a nightmare, and surely even with how tired they all were they'd have been woken up by that?
Looking around, he realized Keith was nowhere to be seen either. Not surprising, given how anxious and closed off the red paladin had been after the mission yesterday, but concerning for the same reason. Hopefully he hadn't been training himself into exhaustion all night, but it seemed the most likely scenario. Training and exercise had always been one of the ways Keith coped with emotions he didn't know how to handle, the current form of coping methods that had once manifested as getting into fights or occasional destructiveness. Shiro sighed, carefully pushing himself to his feet with care not to disturb Matt or Allura.
Once upright, he turned to study Pidge in her healing pod. Her colour was already looking better, he was relieved to see, and the wound was closing slowly. "Come back to us soon, kiddo." He murmured, placing a hand on the glass for a moment. As he turned to leave, he caught a glimpse of white sticking out from behind Pidge's pod and stopped. Was that Keith's boot? Stepping carefully past Hunk, he walked around the curve of the pod, only to stifle laughter at what he found.
Keith and Lance were both sitting slumped against the back of the pod, fast asleep. The red paladin was nestled against his teammate's shoulder, head curling into the crook of the other's neck, while Lance's arm was wrapped around Keith's shoulders in an unmistakably protective hold. At some point, Lance's free hand had found one of Keith's and laced their fingers together, their joined hands hanging between them.
Shiro noted the dried tear tracks on Keith's cheeks and gave a soft sigh of relief. So Lance had managed to get him to open up, then. That was good, for a lot of reasons. Keith was so slow to trust, after everything he'd been through, but it looked like the blue paladin was slowly winning his way through his walls.
Shaking his head with a soft smile, the black paladin retrieved Lance's blanket and tucked it around the sleeping pair to ward off the cool air in the room. Maybe today would be a bit better than he'd thought.