She showered quickly and threw on a clean uniform, as she had been instructed to do; but decided against grabbing any ice for her arm. The mark was barely visible and it wasn't as if she'd die from it. Besides, her insides were churning at a rapid pace, pumping unnecessary adrenaline through her veins. We need to talk. What did that even mean? Who says something so ominous like that unless they want to cause immense distress to the person they said it to?

After he had spoken those words she responded with some version of a yes, before speed walking away like her life depended on it. For all she knew, it did. Was he referring to the talk they were all about to have as a squad, or a talk between just them?

It was during times like these that she wished people could just say what they meant without the added suspense. But that was who Levi was- an unusual amount of suspense mixed with a dangerous temper. Very intense. Why was she so enthralled with him again?

Flying down the stairs with as much speed she could muster she reached the bottom with a solid thud. Hopefully she wasn't the last one. That would be embar-

"Ow." She rubbed her forehead and looked up to see what she had managed to run into, or who. "Sorry, sir, I wasn't exactly paying attention-"

"Clearly."

She felt her face flush with shame at his tense remark. "I'm sorry."

Pushing her back around the hall she had just came from, he led her to a small corner out of sight. She was sure her expression was one of shock and confusion at the forcefulness of his movements.

"Whatever Erwin asks of you, say no."

Her brows knit together. "Commander Erwin? Why would you want me to say no to him?"

Levi's gaze narrowed and he stepped away from her; she cursed herself for the twinge of disappointed that surged through her body at his sudden separation.

"I'm not sure what's going on. Just," She watched as his jaw tightened in frustration. "Don't agree to anything." His darkened expression began to make her nervous.

"Levi, what's going on-"

"Damnit Petra... Just say no."

Pressing her lips into a thin line she conceded. "Yes, sir."

He didn't say anything more and without another glance in her direction, he turned away heading off in the direction of their common room. He was pissed, but she had seen him like this a number of times before. The alarm that usually accompanied witnessing Levi's fervor, was now reduced to little more than a shudder of unease within her.

Witnessing her Captain's distress now only intensified her senses; it woke her up. Whereas in the past, she had shut down; convinced that anything capable of shaking him would be their demise. But she had learned quickly that a response riddled with fear was an immense disappointed in his eyes, and so she taught herself to be unmoved in the face of uncertainty. The things that used to leave her in a state of panic, now made her eyes blank and her hands shake with anticipation.

Like they were now, trembling in preparation. She balled them into fist, the tips of her nails piercing the soft flesh of her palm. Whatever the commander asked of her this time, she would do; and Levi would have to forgive her for it.

The meeting was trivial; filled with budget reports and plans for future training routes. She couldn't help but fidget in her chair in an attempt to remain focused, and earned a look of contempt from her Captain in the process. Instead of her usual apologetic gesture, she simply averted her gaze elsewhere.

For once, she knew something he didn't. She knew that whatever request Erwin made of her would most likely be connected with the information Nanaba had shared. And, after thirty minutes of discussing their minimal budget, she knew the Commander had no intention of addressing her here.

She snuck a look in her Captain's direction. His serious yet silent features showed he was unmoved for the most part.

The scraping of chairs against the floor brought her back to reality. Whatever was said in the last few minutes, she had missed.

"Petra, are you coming?" Eld questioned, his eyebrow raised.

She look around and noticed the empty table she was still sitting at. Levi and Erwin were both gone. "Yeah, sorry. I'm coming."

He studied her for a second as she pushed her chair in. "Are you alright? You seem... off."

She could feel his eyes on her, searching her face for some sort of confirmation. With a warm smile plastered over her features, she gave a swift nod. "I'm fine Eld, just tired. You worry too much, you know that?" She added a laugh to make her performance more believable.

"Hm, now that you mention it, I have been told that a few times recently."

Lacing her arm through his she pulled him from the confines of the room. "Exactly."

They walked together to dinner and she listened as he updated her on the upcoming wedding, and threw her head back in a fit of laughter when he admitted to wanting the whole process to be over with already. It was a nice distraction from the long list of problems they were facing, but it didn't last long.

She didn't need to look around to know that Levi wasn't there when they entered the room. She could feel it. The air always seemed heavier when he wasn't there; the weight of it now seemed to chase away her desire to be present any longer.

Slipping her arm from Eld's grasp she stopped suddenly. "There's something I need from my room," She explained, jutting a finger towards the door. "I'll be right back!"

He gave her a curious look, somewhere between believing her and wanting to call her out on her lie, but let her go nonetheless. If he did suspect something else was amis, he clearly knew better than to try and get to the bottom of it now.

She spun on her heel and hurried from the room, failing to notice the new lanky figure in her path. Her lips parted open in surprise as she nearly averted crashing into him. "I'm sorry... I didn't see you there."

"Miss Ral?" His voice was raspy; not fitting of his slim build.

"Yes?"

"Commander Erwin needs to see you."

"Oh. Um... Alright."

He turned to leave and she followed behind him through the twisting halls, stopping when they reached a staircase near the east wing. "Up the stairs, it's the first door on the right."

Nodding, she mumbled a form of thanks and did as he instructed. With each step her heartbeat quickened in anxiousness; and as before she directed the sudden build of energy to her fists, clenching them tightly. If this was going to be her new way of coping, she would have to cut her nails or risk scaring her hands permanently.

She turned the corner and prepared to knock, noticing the door was already open.

"Miss Ral, please come in and sit down."

"Commander," She nodded in greeting. "Please, Sir, Petra is fine."

She tried her best to remain unfazed at their private meeting, but this was the first time she had ever met with the Commander alone. He was an intimidating man like another she was familiar with. You'd think by know that she'd be unfazed by cool gazes and strong features. But, as with Levi, Erwin Smith had the ability to stop you dead in your tracks just to admire such a fine creation. And just like her Captain, she was sure he was used to it by now.

"Very well. I apologize for the suddenness of my needing to speak with you. Though... you don't seem very surprised."

"No, Sir. I was warned that you would be seeking me out at some point."

"Ah... Levi I'm assuming?"

She avoided his question and produced a tight-lipped smile instead. "Commander, if you don't mind me asking, what is all of this about?"

"I've been told that one of my veterans, Nanaba, paid you a visit?"

"Yes, briefly."

"The men that have taken a liking towards you are men that have had close dealings with the crown."

"Former members of the military police?"

"Yes... in a sense; but these men operated on, lets just say, a different level than most."

She could see from the look on his porcelain face that he was dancing around what he truly wanted to say. "And they have information valuable to you, Commander?"

"Knowing the state of affairs within the innermost walls is something we are not privy to, but we require regardless."

"I think I understand, Sir. Although, would it not be strange for a member of the survey corps to find herself in a bar usually occupied by MP's?"

His sculpted brows furrowed a bit at her question, before smoothening out once again. A faint curl of his lips caused her lashes to flutter in confusion.

"Drunk men do not usually question the whereabouts of beautiful women, Miss Ral. Still, I planned on sending Nanaba in with you. She's been there before. The men have seen her once already and I doubt they'll question her bringing in one of her comrades for a drink."

"And the objective of this mission is to... obtain information only?"

"Yes. Find out what's going on under the surface, if there are any weak areas we should be aware of. Any doubts among the people."

"I understand, Sir."

"Good. As for the rest of your squad, they'll be around should anything not go according to plan. Although, I should stress that it would be best if nothing were to go wrong."

She knew where she needed to go now, she only hoped Levi would give her a chance to explain before ending her short life. Brushing her knuckles against the worn wood of his door she prayed he would be in a pleasant mood.

"Come in, Petra."

"Sir," She greeted him chastely. "How did you know it was me?"

"How could I not know. You're careful when you knock."

"Right..." She moved across his room carefully, taking a seat across from him.

Her fingers danced against the arm of the wooden chair. Levi sensed her antsiness, looking over to watch her fidget in her seat.

"I spoke with the Commander..." It came out barely above a whisper and she kept her gaze trained to the floor.

"You, what?"

She let her silence be her response. Levi's chest rose and fell for a moment as his skin rippled.

"Let me fucking guess, you said yes to whatever it was he asked of you."

More silence.

"And you thought it would be a good idea to come here after ignoring my orders?"

"Levi, please-"

"Captain." He hissed out through clenched teeth.

There was no way to stop the damaged look from appearing on her face. She knew she had upset him, but she had hoped...

"How could I have said no? I took the same oath you did... How could I have-"

"Don't try and lecture me, Petra. I gave you an order and you ignored it. That's all this is about."

Like hell it was. But she wouldn't argue, not here, not now. There was a difference between Levi's fury and his anger. His fury was frightening to watch unfold, but it was never aimed towards anyone he cared for. Rage and fury; those were things he saved for the battle field. For enemies. And so, it wasn't anything she feared.

His anger on the other hand, that was a different beast all together. At times, more frightening than his moments of bloodlust. There were few times she had ever seen him truly angry. Annoyed? Yes. Piqued? Of course. But angry? Almost never.

There were many people who would mistake her Captains every emotion for anger; and there were some who considered Levi to be a man capable of only feeling contempt towards the world. But they didn't know him. Not like she did anyway. She knew that the only way to truly anger him, was to betray his trust. Whether that was the trust he had in his fellow commanding officers to never intentionally put their subordinates lives at risks; or the trust he had in Erwin, to never allow any loss of life to be meaningless. The betrayal of that trust was the only time she had ever seen him impassioned.

In those moments, there was only one thing she remembered. The one thing that chilled her to her bone and forced her to turn away. His voice. It was bitterly cold and callous. His words, carefully spoken and delivered which such finality it would be pointless to argue back. She had heard it when he confronted Hange in the words after they found the body of Ilse Langnar.

And she heard it now. His eyes had returned to their usual blank slate, steely and untelling. The quiet of the room suddenly made her uncomfortable, and she flinched visibly as she rose from her chair and made her way from the room.

"You're a lot of things, Levi, but you're no liar."

She waited, unsure of what she was hoping for when he had clearly dismissed her along with their discussion long before. It was hopeless. Why she had ever thought that they could be anything at all was beyond her. She was weak in his eyes. Someone who needed to be looked after carefully. Someone who couldn't be trusted to do even the most simple of tasks without putting herself in danger. It was the only explanation for why he sidelined her constantly. Even if that's how he saw her, it didn't make it true. She wasn't weak. Right now, she was furious.

Her heart clenched in response to her frustration. Nothing was wrong, but nothing was right either. There was only one thing she could do to release the swell building within her. It was what she always did. The only coping mechanism she had. To throw her fists into an unlucky training bag, making sure it heard all the things she wanted to say.

In the beginning he was discreet about it. Well.. as discreet as Levi could be. When they went on their various missions he would simply give her added warnings and remind her to be careful. She acknowledged it, but understood that there was no real way to avoid danger in their profession. It was impossible. Everyday she woke up was another day spent at risk, and she shared that burden with every member in her division. Still, she never thought much of it then, just that he was being overly cautious. But that soon changed. One day things were as they had always been and the next they were different. Suddenly and all at once, she was no longer on the front lines.

Oluo- Gunther- Eld-

They were never kept away from the battle and if Erwin had approached them, she was sure there wouldn't have been any conflict involved. The thought enraged her. That she could be penalized for what? Being the only female on their squad?

Why had he picked her in the first place then, if he wasn't going to let her fight. If he was going to take her freedom. What was the point?

How many times he had sent her to tend to the wounded instead of letting her remain where she was truly needed? How many times had she been forced to watch as her Captain took on more titans than necessary. Titans she could have helped slice in half; and if she had, he wouldn't have walked away bloodied and bruised.

They were always superficial wounds, but the fact that it happened at all made her skin heat to a dangerous point. And each time she had to stitch the open wounds on his body closed, she knew he could feel that same heat radiating from her in waves. But he never said anything, and so she never did either. And what was there to say really?

To anyone else they were valid tasks, but she knew better. Her ability to synchronize herself to any member of their squad made her a necessary asset to have in combat. It allowed them to take down more titans with minimal risk to others around them. She knew that, her squad new that, and so did their Captain. And yet, he would keep her away regardless.

The sound of the training bag ripping brought her back to the present and she was suddenly aware of the damage she had done. Her muscles were tight and she was losing her full range of mobility. The sound of light footfalls behind her, however, brought the fire back into her swings.

"Petra, that's enough. You'll wake everyone in this damn house if you don't stop."

She ignored him, far too focused on tearing the bag from its hinges." One- two-. She spun on her heel and sent a fierce kick towards the large tear at the top of the bag, sending it flying across the room.

"Satisfied?" He sneered at her in annoyance.

The curt sound in his voice made her temper flare and she maneuvered quickly from her side of the room to where he was standing. "No, I am not satisfied. What the hell is your problem?"

"Captain." He corrected.

She smiled bitterly at is arrogance. "What the hell is your problem then, Captain?"

He eyed the battered training bag lying on the floor. "It seems like you're the only one with a problem here."

"I don't have a problem." She clenched her fists to her side and noticed the sudden sting that came with the motion. He must have seen the twinge of pain flash across her face, because it was then that he reached for her hands. She made a sad attempted at pulling them back, but his speed outmatched hers. Lifting her fists up into view, his face tightened. They were bloodied and bruised and she wondered how she had failed to notice until now.

"Let's go." He ordered.

"With all due respect, Sir, I'm not going anywhere with you."

"For fucks sake Petra, cut the shit."

The look in his eyes was dangerous, and for a second she wasn't sure if she should continue to push him. She was exhausted from her impromptu boxing and he was pissed at the damage she'd managed to do. But still...

"No. This isn't fair." She cringed at how hoarse her voice sounded.

"Fair?"

Okay... probably not the best word choice.

"Does anything in our screwed up world actually seem fair to you?" He didn't wait for a response before continuing, his voice remaining at a dangerous hiss. "I'm your commanding officer, Petra. I don't have to be fair."

Her voice was a whisper, exhaustion creeping in without her noticing. "Don't be cruel, Levi"

"Is that what you think of me? That I'm cruel?"

"You are not cruel. The things you say, the things you do, they can be cruel. I'm only asking that... that you aren't cruel to me. Not about this."

He stopped for a moment. Inhaling deeply as though their continuous back and forth was beginning to wear him down. "I can't afford to worry about you, Petra. When you're out there... I do. I hate that I do, and I wish that I didn't."

"You can't keep me from danger, Levi. I made my choice. I gave up the security of a long life and I don't regret that decision... I'm sorry."

They walked in silence and she was careful to keep her distance from him. The tenseness in his shoulders as he walked was enough to warn her that he was still upset with her. And by upset she meant pissed. She had noticed that they were going the wrong way shortly after they left the training room, but she wasn't going to say anything. It was clear where they were going. She had walked this path many times to bring him tea or paperwork she had completed for him. But that was all done during the innocent hours of the day; unlike now.

She followed behind him through the doorway to his room and suddenly lost the nerve she previously had. She was painfully aware of the thin sports bra and uniform pants she was clad in, remembering now that she had left her shirt in the room due to their sudden departure. Levi moved throughout his room collecting an arm full of items before sitting them in her arms.

"Here. Go change."

And by change he meant shower. Her cheeks flamed red at the sight of a towel and some of his clothing. "My room isn't far away. You don't have to give me clothes, Levi- I mean- Sir." She stammered, and was met with a blank stare. She stood there searching his face for a change but found none. "Alright then." she breathed out more to herself than him.

She showered quickly, the burning of her hands encouraging her to speed through the process as much as possible. Turning off the water and drying herself she began to pick up the clothing he had given her. Slipping into a loose white shirt and dark shorts. Who knew Levi had clothing other than his uniform.

She had honestly assumed it was the only thing he owned considering he never really slept or lounged. With a shrug she folded her clothes neatly and moved from the bathroom over to a chair in the corner, setting them down and turning to face him. He was sitting at the edge of his bed with a small white box. Probably the first aid kit, she thought. With his eyes he motioned for her to sit next to him and although she was hesitant she eventually obliged. Placing her hands in her lap, she watched him rummage through the contents before taking out a few items.

"Let me see them."

Her hands were raw when she held them out to him. Angry red skin was all that was visible and she hid her face from him, suddenly embarrassed at the current situation. A few hours ago she was the one angry with him as she patched and stitched his various injuries, and now the tables had turned. She could feel his body tense at the sight of them and was ready for the scolding she was surely about to receive. She felt him lower her hands back into her lap, and move to place a gentle grip under her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. There was a reason she had avoided his gaze and this was it. She knew what look she would be met with. It was demanding of an explanation, but how could she give him one when all of the things she had planned to say were suddenly gone from her mind.

"Do you remember what I told you?"

Of course she did. "The feelings are mutual." She repeated back to him.

He released his hold on her chin and began the process of cleaning her wounds and wrapping them in gause. She watched as he moved in a rhythmic pace; cleaning them and then applying ointment.

"I meant what I said, Petra."

"But you don't know how I feel about you." She responded quietly.

"You think I don't know how you feel about me? You're smarter than that."

She sat there in silence unsure of what to say next. Her head was spinning. "I..." She bit the soft skin of her lip searching for the right words. "The things I feel for you... There are no words to explain them. So how could you know? You think my feelings are superficial, that it's only skin deep, but I've always wanted you, Levi. Even before I knew what it was I wanted, even before I knew you. Do you understand? It was never a choice for me."

Her heart was pounding and she was grateful that he never stopped his task of setting her wounds. If he had, she wasn't sure she'd be able to go on. But his eyes, although focused on what he was doing, were soft. The usually sharp lines of his face had relaxed and so she watched him work and allowed herself to be lost in the constant moving of his hands around hers.

"I never planned on telling you... I was fine with fighting by your side, and I don't expect anything from you. But when you tell me not to fight, it's difficult for me. And when you say the feelings are mutual... I just need you to understand that they're not, and that I'm okay with that, and I'm willing to take what you can give me."

He stopped wrapping the remaining hand and turned them over gently in his. "I don't know how I feel about you, Petra. I try not to think about it because it fucking terrifies me. But then there are times when I see you, and I feel like I have to tell you everything. Even if I don't know what the hell it is I'm trying to say. I just want to tell you."

Hesitantly he lifted his hand to her cheek and she froze. "Like that night, when I saw you... I couldn't stop the words from leaving my mouth and when they did, a part of me regretted it instantly. I'm afraid that you'll stay and I'm afraid that you'll disappear and that will never change."

His hand began to move and she quickly pressed her own against his to keep it in place. What could she say back to that? Her mind was blank. Empty. Only two words floating in it's cloudy surface. "I'm sorry."

She didn't know why she said it. Maybe it was because she understood the conflicting feelings that he felt for her. She had felt them to, once, but the idea of him never returning them made it easier to accept. No one really wanted to feel anything significant for another person in their world. Not when everything was so temporary. Not when the person you let in can be taken from you without a moment's notice.

Her hands were trembling as she moved them to either side of his face, and touched her forehead to his. Searching his eyes for some sort of signal for her to stop, but there was none. "I'm sorry," She whispered this time, kissing both sides of his cheeks and repeating her apology over and over again until finally she reached his lips and brushed her own against his. It was a whisper of a kiss, barely there, but still the pounding of her heart reached her ears as she waited for him to recoil in detest.

Instead his grey eyes darkened in intensity and he pulled her closer to him so that she rested in his lap. "Again." He ordered, but his voice was hoarse from his own anticipation.

The sound of it sent heat throughout her body and she obeyed. Brushing her lips against his again without the innocent hesitation of before. She wanted to comfort him, to let him know that she understood him. That they didn't need words to express whatever it was they felt for one another.

The warmth of his lips surprised her. After all the time she had spent watching them deliver orders and reprimands, she had never thought they could be so tender. His hands wandered to her sides and explored the skin of her back, causing her to release a gentle sigh of bliss. She wanted to do the same, to let her hands wander and discover every thing there was to know about him. But she couldn't, not now.

Sliding her hand down his chest she pushed space between them. His heart was racing under her outstretched fingers and she knew it matched her own. "I don't want you to regret anything that happens between us. I-"

The light press of his lips against her forehead silenced her words. "Will you stay with me tonight?" His words were hesitant, as though he wasn't sure what he was saying.

"Of course." Her voice trembled as she spoke, her body still riding the high of being close to him.

Slipping herself under the heavy bedding she attempted to steady her breathing as he slid in beside her. Laying on his back he closed his eyes, his breathing seeming to return to normal. She wanted to move closer, but decided against it given her whole spiel of not wanting things to move too fast or whatever the hell she had said. So instead she settled on lying on her side facing him, with every intention of studying the now relaxed features of his face. Wanting to memorize each curve and angle incase in the morning, he changed his mind.

I'm so so sorry for the long break between this chapter and the last. Work and school are really kicking my ass, but I promise I'm always writing (even when I should be doing other things). I plan on having the next chapter up in a few days so thanks for hanging in there!