Sedona, 2016
Caroline smiles at Mason who just came back with the order from another booth of customers. The scene feels so familiar it's almost like no time has passed since five years ago and she's still at the Mystic Grill with her sluttiest clothes on to convince the bartender she's not underage. She can't exactly say she misses that-she's long since outgrown that part of her life.
It's him that she's missing.
The sudden pang on her heart has become usual to her. But unlike the pain of turning on every full moon, she suspects she'll never get used to it.
Then she'll just have to get him back.
Mason sighs from behind the counter, crossing his arms, "I really hate lunch hour. Everyone's in a rush and they have bad moods. It's worse than breakfast."
Caroline laughs at that, looking outside. The sun is shining brightly painting everything gold in sight, the outlines of faraway mountains melting into the strong light like mirage. She can feel the invisible pull of the moon, the disquietude inside her body growing. "You are looking quite busy. I shouldn't keep you." She drains the rest of her coke in one gulp, ready to leave for the forest.
But Mason's question stops her, "not to sound like a gossip, but…are you going to find him?" He scratches the back of his head, looking sheepish, "from what you told me you guys seem perfect for each other."
"Oh Mason, no offense, but you are a gossip." Caroline gives him a pointed look, giggling, "no one in their right mind would listen to me drone this long about my love life." Her expression turns serious, "but to answer your question-yes, I'm gonna find him. Otherwise I wouldn't have come back. There are only so many wolf packs in the States."
"How did you decide to come back anyway?" Mason furrows his brows slightly, "I mean, five years, having seen the world? I bet there were tons of guys hitting on you." He juts his chin out towards the other side of the diner, "by the way, tall dude by the window? Totally into you. Told me he'd tip me extra if I get him your number."
Caroline shakes her head amused, "so that's why you don't want me to leave?"
"Why? You'd play along?" Mason smirks.
"We'll see." She gives him a mysterious grin, before returning to their previous subject, "I guess in a way I always knew I'd come back. I didn't know when or how that would happen, but I was sure the day would come in its own time." She opens her hands in a revealing gesture, "and voila, here I am."
"So what one day you got up and just got the idea to come home?" Mason seems puzzled, "like an epiphany? Damn your life's like a freaking TV show."
Caroline huffs a laugh, her eyes pensive in recollection, "yeah, something like that. But actually I was in this little bistro in Stockholm for breakfast."
She'd always imagined how it would go down. Picturing the possible scenes in her mind where she finally got the signals from the universe and her heart just knew it was time. She thought it would be some place isolated with gloomy weather, like the deserted Irish seashores, where she'd stand by herself in the overwhelming wind, drowning in loneliness.
Or it could be some place really sunny and crowded, like Spain or Italy. Everyone would sing and dance and laugh in the street, cheery and boisterous with a lot of sunshine, and she'd feel miserable all of a sudden, finding herself out of place and crippled with memories.
But she never expected it would be so normal.
She was in Stockholm. There was just the proper amount of people and the weather was okay. Sunny, but not overly so. She ordered coffee and the waiter apologized in fluent English that their inventory guy made some kind of mistake so they were out of coffee, and suggested the fresh orange juice instead. She liked her OJ just fine so she gladly agreed. Everything was textbook ordinary. Not a story to tell.
And then it hit her.
Her life was good. Her life was wonderful. She didn't need him at all to have a happy life.
But she want him so bad in that second her heart was breaking into tiny pieces, scattering into the clean and healthy air.
She ended up crying hard in front of the whole bistro, unable to utter a word between her heavy sobs. The manager rushed to the Starbucks down the street to get her a coffee but she still couldn't stop her tears.
She realized then that Klaus would never be one of the necessary things in life. He was like the broken piece of paper she accidently grabbed in a carnival with half a poem scribbled on it, or the song she'd overheard a newly-engaged couple scream at the top of their lungs over the pouring rain, or the somersault she happened to see a little girl in a red dress perform in the middle of a huge square. No amount of world-traveling and sight-seeing could replace the unexpected presence of him in her being.
He was the ineffable anticipation she woke up to every morning, the unpredictable conversation she didn't notice she was having with her mind, the never-ending contemplation on all that piqued her interest. The known and the unknown wrapped up in one.
He made a dark day normal, a normal day shine, and a shiny day unforgettable.
"The important thing is," Caroline smiles, her eyes full of renewed conviction, "I didn't want to waste another second being without him after that day." She foraged for something in her purse, "which is why…" she holds that something out to Mason, "I'm gonna ask you for a favor. Would you keep this with you? In case he ever comes here. Tell him I'm heading to Tennessee and I'm looking for him."
Mason nods taking it from her, "no problem. You guys changed your numbers or something?"
Caroline bites her lower lip, "we had an…understanding. And speaking of numbers," She digs out a pen and piece of paper from her purse, jotting down a line before handing it to Mason, "here. It's the least I can do."
Mason looks at the number on the paper, smirking knowingly, "it's fake, isn't it?"
Caroline stands up and intentionally winks at the guy sitting by the window, "a girl doesn't lie and tell." With that she disappears through the wooden door, leaving the ringing of bells in her wake.
Mystic Falls, 2011
Caroline smiled at the scene she walked into. Klaus was crouched in a little wooden chair, his long legs curled up awkwardly in front of him with a story book poised on his knees. Across from him was little Sammie, hands cupping her own cheeks, brows furrowed in thought. The late afternoon sun leaked through the thick leaves above, splattering golden speckles all over their bodies, the pattern shifting subtly in the breeze.
She never tired of watching him interacting with Jenna's little girl. He'd become good friends with Jenna shortly after the John incident and since Jenna gave birth to Sammie several years ago, the little girl kind of grew on him. Like her mother Sammie was smart and strong-willed even at such a young age and Klaus, being the ultimate magnet to the female kind (and maybe a large percentage of the male kind as well, though he never admitted it), had been Sammie's steadfast target ever since she started walking on wobbly legs.
"She'll make a damn good predator." Klaus once complained to her dramatically, "she observes and waits for the right moment to approach. She's stealthy and quiet with her ambush and when she gets her claws on you, it's always on a tender spot. Impossible to shake off."
And just as she told him at the time, he was all tender spots when it came to Sammie. Don't get her wrong, he still got super awkward and rigid like he didn't know how to act generally and lost all control of his facial expression, but the instincts that he didn't believe he had always kicked in at the right time and made Sammie love him more.
Which was probably why he ended up being the designated story-teller once again. Another point for Sammie the Klaus Kryptonite (Klausonite?).
"Is the woods really that dangerous?" Sammie was still processing the story she just heard, "with witches and candy houses? But the candy house is not dangerous. The witch is. She likes to eat kids."
"Well…it can be." Klaus drew out his words, not sure how deep and realistic his answer could go, "but we don't have witches here, none that we know of at least. And witches don't usually eat anyone. Some of them sacrifice…hurt people for their own needs though." He grimaced, as if already regretting having this conversation at all.
"So they are bad people?"
"It's…complicated." Klaus furrowed his own brows, his expression now similar to Sammie's, "I think we all have some bad in us. I could be a bad person although you don't know it. You could be too even if you don't want to be. But we try our best to do right by those we care for. It doesn't always matter but we still have to try."
Caroline's heart melted at his words. Sammie may not be aware of it, but she knew exactly how much weight those few lines held. She could sense Klaus tensing up as soon as the words left his mouth involuntarily, ready to bolt at any second. But Sammie always managed to throw them off with her little mind.
"I don't think I want to go into the woods." She jumped to the previous topic as if she hadn't heard a word Klaus just said, and the confounded look on Klaus' face made Caroline bite back a laugh, "I might get lost. Hansel left bread crumbs but the birds ate them." She looked up at the sky, pouting, "we have a lot of birds."
Klaus huffed a laugh, his face lightening up, "well you can always use the white pebbles."
"Right! White pebbles!" Sammie clapped her hands while beaming at Klaus, "you are so clever!" She suddenly jumped up, taking the story book from Klaus' lap, "I collected some when we went to the falls. I'll go ask mommy to find them for me." And she ran off to her house like a whirlwind.
Klaus stood up, staring at Sammie's back wide-eyed before he shook his head and laughed. "Brat." He muttered, clasping his hands behind him, "I was talking to you, Miss Eavesdropping."
Caroline strolled to him, snaking her arms around his waist, "well in my defense, I knew you were aware the second I arrived and you just chose not to acknowledge me, so technically I wasn't eavesdropping." She reached her lips up to give him a peck on his dimple, "and hello to you too, Mr. Nothing-Escapes-My-Perfect-Senses."
Klaus snorts, his arms sneaking up her back to hold her close, "you've outdone yourself, love. That name's even weirder than my original one." His face turned serious, "but first things first. I chatted up that vampire as we planned."
Caroline tensed up imperceptibly, but she urged herself to relax and appear normal, "yeah? What's her deal?"
They got the intel several days ago that a new vampire was in town recently, and a pretty old one at that. As far as they knew she wasn't related to anyone residing here. Given Mystic Falls' history with supernatural beings they decided to stay alert in case she had any ulterior motives. Hence Klaus' task of espionage.
"Her name is Tatia Petrova. She didn't reveal her age but I'm guessing a few centuries and up. You can feel the power just standing near her." Klaus' brows knitted together, recalling their encounter, "she said she was born here and had come back out of sheer nostalgia."
"And what do you think?" Caroline squinted, her suspicion instantly growing.
Klaus shook his head, "I think she's after something. But from what I gathered whatever she wants is of no concern to us. Vampire business perhaps."
"Huh." Caroline studied Klaus' face. He was probably the most perceptive of them all, not to mention his sharp instincts. So if he felt Tatia wasn't a threat to them then there was not much to be alarmed about. "That's good I guess." Her voice was low and somewhat hollow. For a moment she felt almost disappointed, because as much as she loathed the constant battles and shenanigans they gave her an easy out.
Of what she still wasn't completely sure.
Klaus was quick to catch up on her changing mood, "what's wrong, sweetheart?"
She had spent the better part of her day wandering around trying to make up her mind, debating with herself whether or not to tell him, to no avail. Yet as she looked up into those blue eyes she knew she was damned. Caroline had never been a good liar, but she did play certain tricks with her words whenever the need arose.
Not to Klaus though. No twisting or omitting or even rephrasing. At first it was just her conscience but as time went by it became physically impossible to lie to his face. He was her wine and in his presence truth she uttered.
"We need to talk." She mentally hit herself on the back of her head for blurting it out like that. She was trying to be honest, not tactless.
Klaus had a strange look on his face. He seemed half surprised and half confirmed. Like he was expecting her suggestion, but not quite. Nodding he released her from his hold, his eyes pensive and subdued, "yeah, I guess we do. Shall we, um…" he gestured towards the woods, "go somewhere quiet?"
She silently took his hand.
They stopped at a clearing deeper into the woods after about ten minutes' walk. Klaus sat down under a large beech tree and patted the ground beside him, "we'd better sit down." He laughed a little nervously, "I have a feeling this is going to be a long talk."
Caroline complied, but carefully kept some distance between them. She couldn't afford to have any physical contact with him right now, not when her mind was currently a jumbled mess of thoughts. His scent and heat was already distracting. She kept running draft versions of what she was gonna say in her mind, cutting herself off every time before she even broached the real subject. The prolonging silence only added to her agony, but Klaus saved her from the minor anxiety attack.
"I've been thinking about what you said last time." He started, and at her confused look specifying, "about the future of the pack."
Oh. That was what he thought they were to talk about. Caroline didn't know what to feel. She was fretting all the way down here about her almost-decision that it didn't even enter her mind they had an unsettled argument.
They had been at it for weeks. The pack kept growing these years and it became more and more difficult and unrealistic to reside in the woods of a small town as Mystic Falls. Klaus had a proposition that they leave for the bigger forests and keep a somewhat nomadic life style, whereas Caroline insisted they stay where the pack was familiar with and slowly fit into the human society. They had yet to reach an agreement when Tatia came into the picture and they had to put their argument on hold.
"As I was saying," Klaus' voice dragged her attention back to the present, "I've given it some more thought and I think we should compromise. I'm aware that some members of the pack are unwilling to leave, and I see your point that some of us need the stability, especially the kids."
He locked eyes with her, exhaling long and slow, "to be honest I've never humored the notion of interacting closely with human. I'd always feel like an outsider, knowing we are essentially different." He smiled a little, halting her attempt to interrupt, "I know what you want to say, but we both know I'm too set in my ways regarding my trust issues." They shared a laugh, "however, I do believe the younger ones, like Sammie, should have the chance to make up their own minds about humans. And they can't do that without getting involved."
"You really think so?" Caroline was unsure. He seemed pretty adamant in their previous quarrels.
Klaus shrugged, "it all comes down to choices I guess. It is the 21st century and I say we leave it to the pack members to decide for themselves. If they want to remain in the pack, we'll figure out together where we are heading next. And if they want to stay, that's fine. They can always rejoin us after a few years."
"Choices, huh?" Caroline drew up her legs and rested her chin on her knees, "you are really okay with that? I mean I thought you'd be pretty upset if people just, you know, up and leave." Her heart started pounding heavily in her chest, scared that he'd discover what she was intimating, the treacherous secret fidgeting restlessly under her indifferent mask.
Klaus sighed, averting his eyes, dark shadows flitting through his features making him look hard but vulnerable, the dichotomy that he always had been, "you know I value pack above almost anything. But even though we are a pack, we can't always want the same things at the same time. Life is capricious like that."
A sudden wave of irresistible sadness washed through her, so fierce and violent that she couldn't breathe. Her heart felt like it was marinating in salt and acid and a thousand unprocessed emotions, raw and quivering, with tears bleeding out from all the hidden compartments and she just wasn't able to hold it in. They rushed to her eyes and streamed down her cheeks like fleeing crowd in a silent movie, desperate without a sound.
The hitched breaths finally gave her away and Klaus' hands were on her face instantly, trying to make her look at him, "Caroline, sweetheart what is it?" He sounded worried and frantic, which did nothing to slow down her tears, "you are really scaring me."
She bit the inside of her mouth hard, willing herself to calm down and not act like a neurotic crazy bitch. She wanted to be composed and sensible at it-at least not like she was throwing a tantrum or having an emotional melt-down but all she managed to do was rasping out while wiping her face, "I have to leave."
Klaus froze on the spot. After a few moments he asked puzzled, "where for?" His eyes blinking rapidly as though he couldn't comprehend what she just said.
"No, not have to. I don't have to, but I want to. Or a part of me wants to. I don't know." Caroline knew she was rambling nonsense and she hadn't answered his question yet. She couldn't hold this any longer, not under his almost helpless stare. She closed her eyes briefly and took in a deep breath, "Klaus, I've decided to…break from the pack for a while. I want to go around a bit, maybe see the world. Alone." The last word tasted like sandpaper on her tongue and Caroline welcomed the dull pain-it kept her sane somehow.
Plus it had nothing on the look Klaus was giving her. His eyes seemed shattered upon hearing her words and the million pieces were put back together out of wretched pride. Seeping through the seams was something so cold and hurtful that merely holding his gaze sent her heart screaming in anguish. But she didn't break their eye contact, not for a second.
"So you want to leave?" Klaus bit out the words, his face blank like the center of a storm.
Caroline gave him a slight nod, "yes. I want to go out there and just…explore. Maybe try to build a life for myself." She knew that would hurt him, she saw the explosion coming, but his sudden rage still startled her.
Klaus was up standing in a blink, his nostrils flaring as he yelled in a booming voice, "you have a life here!" He threw his tightly-clenched fist out in abandon and hit the trunk in the process, leaves falling from the shaking branches forming a heavy curtain between them, and his face looked obscure and distant through the transitory veil. In fact, Caroline hadn't felt so far away from him since the first day they met.
"Yes, and I love it so very much." Caroline tried to explain, to him as much as to herself, "but Klaus, all of my life I've been the alpha. I've never been anywhere, I've hardly done anything just for me without considering the benefit of the pack, I've never…lived." She looked into his eyes eager for him to understand, "I want to become this smart, mature and worldly person and for that, I need some time away from this."
"You mean me." Klaus' lips twitched into a lopsided grin but his eyes were humorless, "you want some time away from me." He cut her off before she had a chance to protest, "and don't try to deny it. I heard the word 'alone' loud and clear. I've got to hand it to you, love. You can be very brutal with your honesty when you want to."
Caroline ignored the flush in her cheeks, a tell-tale sign of another fresh bout of tears, "I do want to do this by myself. But you know very well I don't mean it like that. You know that I don't ever want to lose you, or hurt you."
"Do I?" He always did know how to cut people the deepest with his words. Something he'd been sparing her from until now.
"If you have to nullify everything we've been through and degrade it by pretending our feelings for each other weren't fucking clear then I have nothing to say to you." Caroline herself was on the brink of losing it, "you have every right to be upset about my decision but if for one second you are questioning my reasons behind it, Klaus, you are out of your mind!"
Her head was still reeling when she heard his voice, this time without much hostility, just tired and hesitant, "is this about Tatia?" Her head snapped up in shock, the look on her face seemingly all the answer he needed. Klaus leaned back on the tree trunk with a defeated hint of smile, "I knew you were there the minute you stepped foot in the bar."
Caroline sighed, shaking her head, "should have known. You really do have perfect senses." She'd gone into town to run some trivial errands and decided to check up on him. She listened in on his conversation with Tatia but it was just for a few minutes. She didn't think he'd notice.
"Just for you." The sadness in his tone ate at Caroline's heart, "I never thought we'd stoop to this but well…desperate times." He snorted in cold sarcasm but his own wording betrayed him. He covered it quick, explaining what he meant by that, his expression shutting down further, "there was nothing between me and that vampire. I flirted with her because I wanted the information. Do I find her attractive? Yes, to an extent. Do I fancy her? Not one bit. She was just a means to an end."
Caroline watched his stony profile, her heart filled with bitter sorrow. He was never one to justify his own actions and she knew how much it was costing him to say these. "I admit my decision had something to do with what I saw, or rather heard." She reached up to tug at his hand, "but it's nothing like that." She tugged at him again and he reluctantly sat back down next to her, snatching his hand away.
Caroline sighed, "I wish it were just petty jealousy, however bad it may have looked on me. Unfortunately it's not that simple." She'd been intimidated at first. Tatia was extraordinarily beautiful with her long wavy dark hair and smoking body. Half of the bar was staring at her. But it wasn't just that. She was charismatic in an almost old-fashioned way, sophisticated and well-informed. Even her modest burgundy dress looked classy enough to make into the wardrobe of a royalty.
But one look at Klaus and her nagging worry was gone. He may be laughing at Tatia's jokes but his eyes screamed bored. Yet as she kept on watching Tatia still intrigued her, on a whole different level. The way she carried herself, experiences she talked about, her insight on things…it roused a longing deep within her, one that scared her to the bones because she knew she wouldn't be able to resist.
"I've always had a feeling ever since we started to talk about the future, that this…small town life isn't enough for me." She was living the exact same life as her parents, her grandparents, and generations of ancestors before them. She dwelt on the land they dwelt, roamed the woods they roamed, and led the posterity of the pack they led. Sometimes she could feel their ghosts around her, in her, and the huge weight was dragging her down. "I was only pushing for us to stay because I was afraid I wouldn't be satisfied with just repeating it somewhere else."
She rested her hand on Klaus' knee and this time he didn't shrug her away, "and then I heard you talking to her about Budapest."
He turned to her with furrowed brows, surprised and confused, "what does that have to do with anything?"
"You made it sound so beautiful."
She couldn't chase the look on his face away from her mind. How his eyes lit up when he regaled Tatia with his childhood adventure. How his smile seemed almost giddy while recalling sneaking out of his pack into the city. How his hands made excited gestures and his voice filled with awe as he described the parliament building at night, "it was all lit up, gold and shining, nearly transparent as if it were built from glass. Like a palace that you only see from Disney movies. And there were these gulls from the river, hundreds of them, just hovering above, also lit up by the light. When you look from a distance they seemed like stars with wings."
His conversations with Tatia may have been a ruse, but his words and feelings were real. And Caroline felt infected, charmed even, by the pictures he painted so vividly in a dimly-lit run-down small town bar. She never wished stronger than that moment that she had it in her. That she had the wonders of the world stored in her to be sure there was no place she'd rather be than the here and now.
"And I just knew I wanted to see it for myself." She squeezed Klaus' hand at his anxious look, "I'm sure you'd take me anywhere in a heartbeat, but I have to do this on my own." She smiled a little at him, her eyes brimming with tears at the sudden sense of finality in the pit of her stomach, "you once told me that every stream led to the ocean. I want to head for the ocean now."
Klaus looked away from her, leaning his head back on the trunk facing up, blinking furiously. When he finally turned back to her his eyes were red-rimmed, but his lips were bent into such a sweet curl it broke Caroline's heart on sight, "you only remembered half of my words, sweetheart. I said you were a stream." He wiped away the stray tear at the corner of her eye, "and you will be an ocean."
He cupped her face and kissed her ever so gently. It tasted like the woods and sea water, and Caroline instantly knew she would taste it so many more times in the years to come, whenever she was missing him from thousands of miles away.
They stayed in each other's arms long after the kiss, just soaking in the warmth they knew would soon vanish. Eventually it was Klaus who broke the silence, "since you are going to be a fish back into the sea, so to speak," he chuckled as Caroline slapped his chest half-heartedly, "I want you to grant me three wishes, love."
"I shouldn't have let you read all those stories to Sammie." Caroline snorted, knowing he was just trying to lighten up the mood, "you sound like such a dork. But ask away."
His voice turned serious, "okay. First I wish you would stay until after the full moon. I want to turn with you for the last time."
"It's not the last time!" Caroline corrected him vehemently, "I'll come back eventually."
"Yes, you will." He smoothed his hand through her hair, his tone almost reassuring, "the last time before we meet again then. Will you stay?"
"Of course. What's the second?" She asked quietly, the talk about her impending departure weighing on her.
He hesitated for a minute, "I want you to change your phone number once you leave. I will do the same with mine." Sensing her about to protest he silenced her with a peck on her hair, "as much as it pains me to say so, I agree that you need the time on your own to figure things out." He choked out a bitter laugh, "and when you do, you'll find me. One day."
She didn't know how to respond to that. She couldn't see what the future held and it excited her, frustrated her, scared her, confused her. She was so sure this was something she must do but at the same time had no clue how to do it. She felt lost as if in a labyrinth and every turn could possibly take her further away from what she wanted all along.
But she couldn't say it out loud. So she just asked numbly, "and your third wish?"
His breath was warm and soothing against her ear, "bring white pebbles with you."
And with that, Caroline suddenly saw in her mind's eye a thin white trail lit up by bright moonlight meandering into the labyrinth. She smiled, knowing without a doubt that no matter how deep she went and how many wrong paths she might take, she'd always find her way back.