Silence echoed in the emptiness of the sheriff's station. Silence was his constant companion. Silence was welcomed, yet unwelcomed for silence is the place where his thoughts become so loud, so deafening that he must face them. His thoughts are not pleasant. In fact, they are downright scary and traumatizing; traumatizing for he finds himself horrified by what they bring to the surface of his mind. Terrified is how he feels and in the silence of the sheriff's station is where he strangely finds the peace to be alone with his thoughts and process them. It is the only safe place he has to grieve, to grieve over what might have been and to grieve the current situation. The current situation being his heavily pregnant wife resting at home, incubating their child for a little while longer as was their luck given the almost unfortunate incident that occurred a few days ago. A few days ago was their one year anniversary. A few days ago they almost lost their unborn child. A child he swore to protect and he let that child down before it'd even been born and he felt absolutely torn about it. And his wife, he swore to protect her and he let her down as well. He was turning out to be a shit of a husband and father. He let out a big huff and slammed his pen down on top of the paperwork he was currently working on. He rubbed his forehead and let out a growl. Sitting up in his seat, another growl escaped his lips as he slid the stack of papers across his desk and sent them flying through the air, not caring where they landed.
"Whoa there. You feelin' alright there?"
Robin looked up to see David standing in the door way. Robin rubbed a palm down the front of his face.
"Sorry, is it six o'clock already?" David shook his head.
"No, it's only five AM."
"Well what are you doing here?"
"Neal had a fussy night so Mary Margaret sent me in early so you get home to Regina and help her get the boys ready for the last few days of school."
"Oh. Right. And here I've made a mess of all my paperwork. Great."
"No worries, I'll help you pick it up and it'll be waiting right here for you later!"
"Gee, thanks." Robin and David both stooped to gather the papers that peppered their way on the floor and over to Emma's desk.
"So, how are you and Regina doing? How are you handling this?"
"Want the honest answer?" Robin looked up into David's eyes from his squatted position on the floor.
"Shoot. I'm all ears, whatever you need to get off your chest and, unlike my wife, I can keep strict confidences," David said with a chuckle. Robin took a few moments more to finish picking up the errant papers and restacked them on his desk. He perched atop while David leaned against Emma's desk, arms crossed over his chest.
"Well, to be honest, I'm scared shitless. Regina and I have both been through pregnancies before, but nothing like this. I've never been so scared in my life, only, I couldn't be afraid. Regina would've freaked out even more." David nodded his head, hummed in understanding. "I mean, we could've lost our child. Well, it would've been born early, but just imagining everything that could've gone wrong with a premature delivery. Worrying if the baby would make it and if it did what kind of problems might it have. Worrying if Regina would make it through the delivery okay. Would she have to have an emergency C – section? I now understand why she was so freaked out early in the pregnancy. The weight of considering everything that could go wrong must've weighed heavily on her and I was a right git for not being more understanding." Robin sighed out, shaking his head in shame. David nodded some more, hearing his friend's words and trying to understand if he was just lending a sympathetic ear or some encouraging words. He settled for a slight nod of his head, pausing once more to see if Robin would continue on or if he was done. Robin looked down nervously at his desk, picking at imaginary objects and flicking them into the air. He let out a heavy sigh and stared at David.
"Well, for what it's worth, I think you guys handled the situation pretty well, as well as anyone can. I don't know what you're going through, man, and trying to picture myself and Mary – Margaret in your situation, well, I'm amazed with the strength and resilience you and Regina have. Do you guys talk about it at all?" Robin scoffed. "I see. Well, she never was one for talking things out. She doesn't know how. Her mother demanded perfection and talking about one's feelings, well, that was something perfect people didn't do." Robin lifted his eyes to David.
"How do you know so much more about my wife than I do?" He whispered. David pushed himself from off the desk and went to lean against Robin's desk, cupping a hand on his shoulder.
"Don't be jealous. You forget, I have known Regina longer than you. Daniel was my partner for many years and my ear is not the first to offer its sympathies to someone involved with a certain Regina Mills. There are a great many stories I've heard from Daniel about his relationship with Regina and in part, with her mother. Just be glad Cora passed away a few years ago, believe me." Robin dragged his eyes from David and looked down once more at the desk.
"Was she really that bad? Regina doesn't talk about her much. Actually, neither one of us talk about our parents. Sometimes she waxes on about her father, how she misses him terribly and how she was right to name her son after her father," Robin chuckles slightly before continuing on, "She says if I ever felt some way about not having met her father, all I had to do was look at Henry and there he would be."
"Yeah, she's right about that. I've never met a more kind and giving soul than Mr. Mills. I can't imagine what kind of cruel woman Regina might be if it weren't for her father."
"Which begs the question of how her father and her mother even came to be."
"Well, that is truly a story in and of itself and I don't know much. That's more girl talk stuff, I think. Daniel mostly talked about what an impossible woman Cora was and how he just knew he had to save Regina from a life with that woman."
"Regina? Needed saving? I hope that's not how he sold their relationship. I think Regina would have a cow if she knew this is how Daniel saw their relationship."
"Well, she's not having a cow, she's having a baby. And that's not exactly what I meant, but it is the best way to describe the situation," David cleared his throat before continuing on. "I'm sure you've gathered Regina has a tough exterior."
"Yeah, I had a hard time breaking through it."
"But it was worth it, was it not?"
"Yeah, the underneath is so beautiful and I can't imagine my life without it."
"That's what Daniel knew. She's cutthroat. No one dare stand in her way. This is how her mother raised her. To be respected, to be feared. Sometimes, garnering respect for a woman is hard. It is not freely given. Cora wanted Regina to be a respectable woman and go places in her life by affording her opportunities she herself never had. Regina's life was well planned out before she was probably even conceived." Robin nodded his head, letting David know he was genuinely interested in hearing what new insights he had to offer. "So, Regina, obviously not knowing any better, and wanting to please her parents, as most children do, followed her mother's carefully constructed path, never once deviating, until one day she met Daniel. She didn't scare him off like so many others before him. In fact, her tough exterior is what first attracted her to him. She was a mystery that no one was interested in unraveling. Her total focus was on establishing a career and never once did she think about marriage or even having children. Daniel changed all that."
"Really? Wow, I've never heard her speak of Daniel like this."
"Well, like I said, I can keep secrets, my wife can not. Friends for Regina are far and few between because of that tough exterior, but underneath, she's a heart of gold. If she trusts you, you better not ever betray that trust. She would lay down her life for you. I know she gives Mary – Margaret a hard time, but it's all bluster and she wouldn't do it if she didn't care. All this to say, my narrative of Regina is pieced together from stories Mary – Margaret and Daniel have shared with me."
"I see, well, don't let me stop you. I'm getting to know another side of my wife through you."
"Right, where was I?" David paused once more, searching his mind for the lost train of thought. "Oh, yes, so she and Daniel met at school. One look, he said, and he knew she was the woman for him and he made it his mission to prove it to her. He majored in Poli Sci and her's was English, not that that was what CEO of their own companies majored in. In exchange for majoring in English Regina reluctantly minored in business to appease her mother. So, during orientation Daniel also decided to declare a minor in business and asked Regina to help him sign up for classes. Then, because that's not where his focus was, he also persuaded her to help him study for said classes. They eventually began hanging out outside of studying for classes. Since Regina really didn't have any friends of her own, Daniel introduced her to his circle of friends, Per Mary – Margaret, Regina found herself in a world in which she didn't have to make people respect her. They just respected her as a person and being away from the thumb of her mother, she found she didn't really know who she was or what she wanted out of life. Daniel helped her through her self – discovery. Daniel says he's not even sure where their friendship turned into a relationship. It just sort of happened, an ease that neither one of them even noticed. One day, she asked him to accompany her home to meet her parents. He asked why, that was what boyfriends did. He said she cocked her head to the side and leaned in to kiss him," David chuckled at the image he pictured in his head.
"Regina kissed first? She is rather aggressive."
"Yeah, Daniel doesn't think she even realized what she was doing when she did that, but soon they were making out and that was when he realized that without realizing it he'd won this woman's heart and it didn't take overly romantic gestures to do so. All it took was being a friend and not running away when things got tough. And talking things out with her when all she wanted to do was shut herself off, shut everyone out, because well respected women aren't vulnerable and don't hurt."
"Are you trying to tell me something?"
"Well, I know you know Regina and that she isn't always open."
"No, she isn't. I just let her alone and wait for her to come talk to me. Nothing good ever comes from pushing that woman, I've learned."
"No, but sometimes, just sometimes, you gotta push that button to get her to open up. I learned from being Daniel's partner and him talking to me about a myriad of things from their relationship that while Regina doesn't want to seem vulnerable, she needs to know that someone cares enough to break down her walls when she's being stubborn and force her to confront whatever's bothering her. She needs to know that the person she cares so deeply for cares deeply enough to care about what she's going through." Robin nods his head in understanding. He does know these things about his wife. They've gotten into quite some heavy arguments and he knew that was her chosen method of demonstrating love, even it was a little unhealthy. He just misunderstood how deeply ingrained into her psyche this need was.
"I know, believe me I know. Thanks for this. I guess I needed a reminder of how Regina is. I don't want to upset her any more than she already is, but this is too important to let her bully me into not talking about. I know she feels like shit about it, but I feel like shit about it too."
"Well then, definitely ya'll should talk it out."
"Maybe I can convince her we should talk it out with Dr. Hopper. She's a bit more tempered when it comes to him. It gets heated a little bit, but we do seem to make headway after her sessions with him."
"Alright man, now, I came in early to relieve you so you could get home to Regina. Now, go!"
Robin nodded his head in thanks, grabbed his hat and headed out the door. It was early in the morning, the sleepy town of Storybrooke on the verge of waking. He decided to make a trek to Granny's and pick up breakfast so Regina wouldn't have to worry herself with making breakfast for "her boys". She seemed so intent on busying herself when she should be resting and it really irritated him. He let her stubborn ways put their child's life at risk and so while he was upset she had done so, he was more upset with himself for having allowed her to do so. He was all for women's rights and such, but this was a task that belonged to the both of them.
He arrived at the cozy diner, pushing the door open, the bell signaling his entrance. Leroy sat at the counter, cup of coffee in his hand waiting for his usual plate of bacon. Robin sidles right up next to him, nodding his head towards Granny.
"Hey Robin, you're early."
"Yeah, David came in early to relieve me. Thought I would bring Regina and the boys breakfast this morning."
"Sure thing, what's she eating nowadays?"
"Hmm, good question. I've never seen her turn down apple pancakes and bacon."
"Alright, and what about the boys?"
"Hmmm, why don't I get enough pancakes, eggs and bacon for the four of us? And two coffees?"
"One decaf?"
"Hmmm, no, she can have one cup of caffeine a day. Believe me, I've been told on more than one occasion." Granny nodded, a wry smile played upon her lips as she finished writing down his order and stuck his ticket in the window. She brought him a cup of coffee while he waited for his order.
"So, I hear you had a scare last week." Leroy grunted out as he took a sip of his coffee. Leroy, or Grumpy, as the town secretly not so secretly had nicknamed him, was a puzzle of a man. No one could ever tell if he actually liked anyone. The smallish man kept to himself a lot of the time, but surprisingly he seemed to know a lot of town gossip. Robin turned to face the man, who kept staring straight ahead as Granny plated his bacon rather than make eye contact with Robin.
"Uh, yeah, that's right, we did. How'd you hear about that?" Robin asked as he took a sip of the still piping hot coffee. He picked up a couple of sugar packets and dumped them in his coffee, stirring and taking another sip.
"It's a small town, you hear things. So, how is the missus?"
"She's uh, well she's – "
"Regina." Granny slide the plate of bacon in front of him and he immediately picked up a few pieces and shoved them into his mouth. Robin chuckled lightly.
"I know you meant that in the most caring way possible." Leroy grunted.
"Yeah, sure did." Leroy continued shoveling bacon into his mouth and Robin just chuckled. Leory and Regina had an interesting relationship – well, that was a nice way to describe it. He was the janitor at the publishing house Regina worked at and they'd spent a many late evenings together when she was in work - aholic mode. The two men sat side by side while Robin patiently waited for his food order and silently brooding over how exactly he should approach his conversation with Regina.
"Alrighty, here ya go, four orders of apple pancakes, bacon and eggs. And two coffees to go. Enjoy."
"Thanks, Granny," Robin replied, placing his money on the counter and waiving away Granny's attempt at giving him change. Robin patted Leroy on the shoulder, thanking him for his early morning company and stepped out onto the walkway once he exited the diner. He climbed into the driver's side of his patrol car and made the dreaded drive back to his home on Miflin Street.
Robin entered the kitchen through the garage door to see a pajama clad Henry at the stove.
"Does your mother know you're in here messing around in her kitchen?" Startled, Henry jerked away from the stove, looking like the cat that ate the canary.
"Robin! You scared me!"
"Which means," Robin started as he placed his bags onto the counter, "that your mother does indeed not know you're in here messing around in the kitchen. You know she's going to be very cross." Henry's shoulders sank.
"I know, but I wanted to do something to help out. She's not supposed to leave the sofa."
"Well, I think the biggest help to her, to us, would be for you to get yourself ready for school and to help Roland as well."
"Roland? He's a big kid."
"That may be true, but he still needs little reminders. Reminders like brushing his teeth, combing his hair, help picking out weather appropriate clothes and such."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Great, now, go get dressed. I brought breakfast."
"Really?" Henry asked, eyeing Robin's bags, looking every bit like his mother in that moment.
"Yep, thought I might do something nice for your mom as well. Now go on, we haven't much time to sit and have breakfast together." Henry nodded and headed back through the kitchen doors. To be honest, Robin was quite surprised Regina wasn't already in the kitchen trying to prepare breakfast. He glanced at his watch, she was probably actually just waking up. He set about taking out plates and carried his bags through to the dining room. No sooner than he had placed the plates on the table and began rummaging the bags, his sleepy wife came waddling into the dining room, a yawn breaking over her features.
"Robin, what are you doing home so early?" She asked as she ran a hand through her bed – tousled hair.
"David said he was restless and came in early. I thought I'd get us breakfast." Regina's neutral face shifted into a frown.
"I can make breakfast, you know."
"I know, I know."
"I don't need to be coddled."
"I know that too."
"Well why did you pick up breakfast? We have plenty of food in the house." Robin sighed, placing the last plate down on the table. He let out a huff, trying to not let his frustration get the best of him.
"I wanted to do something nice for you, is that alright with her majesty? I wanted to come home and surprise you with breakfast, alright? Then, I'm going to take the boys to school while you shower," Regina's mouth opened to protest, Robin held up a finger to shush her. "Do not touch the kitchen while I am gone or so help me God."
"God help you what?" She plainly stated, arms crossed over her protruding belly. Robin knew when Regina was baiting him. He simply shook his head and walked over to the stairs.
"Boys!" he shouted loud enough so they would hopefully hear him. "Breakfast is ready! Get a move on so you're not late for school!" He turned to see Regina followed right up behind him.
"So God help you what?" She questioned again. Robin placed his hands on either side of her still crossed arms. He took a deep calming breath, lest he say something he regret.
"Regina love, please know that I love you and I would walk to the ends of the Earth for you, hang the moon and stars for you, but for the love of God, let me do this one nice thing for you, okay?" To say she was startled with Robin's bluntness was an understatement. She could read her husband like an open book and surmised there was something much deeper stirring under the surface. Thundering steps could be heard from the floor above them and Regina broke into a hushed whisper, pointing an accusatory finger in Robin's face.
"Fine, we'll eat this damn breakfast, you take the boys to school, I will take that damn shower and you clean the kitchen. And when we're all done we'll sit and talk about why your panties are in a wad." She broke into a wide grin as Henry and Roland made it down the last few steps and gathered them into a hug. "How are my boys?" she greeted them, saccharinely.
"Uh, fine," Henry responded, eyeing the two adults, suspicion furrowing his features.
"Great, good. All dressed and ready?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Look Gina! Henry helpeded me get dressed!" Roland beamed with excitement and spun around in his outfit. Regina bent over as much as she could to examine her youngest son's outfit.
"He did, did he? He help you put on rain boots too?"
"Hey, I did my best. You should've seen what he initially picked out."
"But I like my boots!" Roland complained as Regina stood and led everyone to the dining room.
"I know you do my little knight, but it's not raining."
"Why come I can only where them when it rains?"
"Cuz they're rain boots, duh." Henry replied, mussing Roland's curly hair. Roland quickly swatted Henry's hand and smoothed his hands back through his hair.
"Henry!" He whined out.
"Alright boys, that's enough. Let's just sit down and eat, then it's off to school with ya, okay?" Everyone quieted down at Robin's request. Henry was definitely certain now the scene he encountered coming down the stairs was something more than what his mother's wide grin portrayed.
"So, how is the last week of school going?" Regina asked as she took a bite of her pancakes. Not exactly what she was in the mood for, as her mood had soured slightly, but she was a pragmatist and right now she just wanted to get through breakfast so Robin could take the boys and could return home and they could discuss his current state of being.
"Oh it's going great. We're not doing much really, watching movies mostly."
"Watching movies? No final exams or anything of that nature?" Regina prodded further as she took a sip of her coffee. Caffeine. She quirked an eyebrow at Robin who was shoveling a piece of bacon in his mouth. A smile painfully stretched his features, but didn't quite make it to his eyes. Her husband was hardly ever upset, always in a good mood. She swallowed, setting her cup down, realization dawning her features that whatever he planned to discuss with her upon his return was something major and she wasn't sure how to prepare herself.
"We had exams already, they were super easy," Henry said as he took a bite of egg.
"So, all A's then?"
"Well, on my exams or in my classes?" Regina's mouth popped open in shock.
"Well, I would hope both. Do we need to sign you up for summer school young man?"
"Uh, no, nope. No thanks."
"I wanna go to summer school!" Roland shouted out.
"Shhhh, you don't wanna go to school in the summer!" Henry admonished Roland.
"Why not? School's fun!" Roland questioned with a sideways glance in Henry's direction. Henry mussed Roland's hair yet again.
"Oh, to be young and innocent."
"Really?" Henry grinned and nodded.
"Alright boys, you done with breakfast? We've got ten minutes to get you to school," Robin asked as he stood from the table.
"Yay!" Roland hopped off his chair and made a dash towards the front door. Henry stood up and picked up his plate.
"No, leave those, I'll get them when I return." Henry tossed a questioning glance towards his mother. She nodded her head, it was alright. Robin placed a hand upon Regina's shoulder and leaned down to peck a kiss on her cheek. She leaned up to accept the kiss, even though it felt hollow.
"Come give me a hug," she held her arms out towards Henry. He stumbled into her embrace and she kissed the top of his head. "Be good."
"Yes ma'am," Henry replied as he too headed off towards the front door. Once the boys were out of ear shot, Robin turned to look at his wife.
"Alright, like I said, I'll clean all this up when I get back," Robin stated forcefully.
"Yes, and then we're going to have a talk." Robin nodded once and followed the boys' previous path to the front door.
Regina lightly hummed to herself, rubbing her belly in smoothing circles. She bent lightly so she could talk to her bump, silly she knows, but still it comforted her. It made her feel a little less like a crazy person when she needed someone to bounce ideas off of and no one was there except for the bump.
"Dear sweetheart I do believe your daddy's gone off his rocker. I don't know what's gotten into him. No worries though, we'll have this all sorted in no time. Now, whadya say we go take a shower and then resume camping out on the stupid sofa, hmm?" The baby kicked in response. "I'll take that as a yes."
Roland was the first kid to get dropped off at school. Henry would usually climb out behind him so he wouldn't get embarrassed by having his parents still drop him off. Today, however, he lingered in the car. Robin surmised Henry could tell something was a little off.
"Hey Henry, are you gonna get out? I gotta get back to your mom before she decides to clean up our mess herself." Henry turned hard to look at Robin, to consider his words. He narrowed his eyes a bit.
"Yeah, what is up with all that?"
"Whadya mean? She's supposed to be on bed – rest. I don't think she's handling it well."
"She's not handling it well, or you're not handling it well?"
"I don't understand? I'm handling it just fine. You know how your mother is. She's restless and if things are messy for too long she stresses out and feels the need to have it clean. I'm trying to alleviate the stress in her life. We don't want your brother or sister to come early like they almost did, okay?" Henry nodded his head. "Now, are you going to get out of here or are you actually going to let me drop you off in front of the middle school?" Henry considered Robin for a moment before placing his hand on the door handle and exiting the car. He turned before shutting the car door.
"I think they're something more going on. Just don't hurt my mother. You promised you wouldn't hurt her when you asked me if you could marry her." And with that he shut the car door and sprinted to the middle school. Robin shook his head while shifting the car into gear. While Robin understood the sentiment and protectiveness of Henry's words, he feared Henry was still too innocent to know how most adult relationships worked. Robin started the quick drive back towards the house, hoping he wouldn't find Regina acting against his wishes.
He walked into the house to the sound of the shower rushing upstairs. Good, she was at least taking her shower. He took notice of the folded up sofa bed. She was supposed to wait on him to do that. He wandered into the dining room, pleased to see that she did indeed leave all the stuff from breakfast on the table. He gathered the dishes first and carried them to the sink so he could wash them off. Next he gathered the takeout containers and bags and placed them into the kitchen trashcan. He filled the sink with water and rinsed the sticky pancake syrup residue from each plate and placed everything into the dishwasher. The dishwasher wasn't quite full and Regina was probably taking a really hot shower. He could start the dishwasher later. Robin filled the tea kettle on the stove with water and set it to boil. He thought making a pot of tea would help calm this dreaded but necessary conversation. The kettle let out a shrill whistle after a few minutes. Robin pulled out the tea press and poured out a generous portion of loose tea leaves. Regina liked her tea strong. He filled the press with the hot water and let it steep for a few minutes before expressing and pouring up two cups of tea. He then brought the tea to the kitchen table and sat. Waiting, waiting, dreading this conversation yet knowing it must take place. He couldn't walk around with this pain in his heart, this great disturbance in his being knowing if he didn't get this all out the chasm that was building between them would widen until both of them fell through and he couldn't bear the thought.
He heard her barefooted steps approaching the dining room. She paused, searching.
"Robin?"
"In the kitchen," he responded after clearing his throat. His voice came out raspy. Regina pushed the swinging door to the kitchen open, her brows furrowing as she cautiously approached the table and sat down. She took in the scene before her.
"What's going on? You made tea." Robin looked at Regina. Properly looked at her. Stared deep into her eyes. "Robin, say something. I thought you wanted to talk." Robin glanced down at his cup and took a sip of the tea. Bringing the cup from his lips, he nodded his head in Regina's direction, indicating she should take a sip as well. She hesitated for a moment before she brought the cup to her lips and took a sip. She placed the cup down in front of her, but never let go. She rubbed her hands around it, stealing its comforting warmth even though she was still hot from her shower.
"Regina." Robin started, his mouth working but no more words coming from his mouth. Regina could sense that whatever her husband wanted to speak on was eating him alive. One thing she loved about him was that he never shied away from her challenges. She reached out to grasp his hand. He let it rest there for a moment, caressed it and then placed it back on the table before standing to pace around the kitchen. Regina looked on, bewildered.
"Robin, you're scaring me."
"Well, that's what we do best to each other, isn't it?" Regina jerked her head back.
"What on God's green earth are you talking about?"
Robin stopped his pacing and turned to his wife.
"Regina, you scared the living shit out of me."
"What? When?"
"What do you mean, when? When…that night when we…" Regina nodded her head as tears began to prick Robin's eyes. "Regina, I've never been so scared, so frightened. We could've lost our child. I…I could've lost you."
"But you didn't. I'm okay, the baby's okay. We're okay. Other than the bed rest which is driving me nuts." Robin turned slightly before coming to kneel in front of Regina, grasping her hands, kissing them.
"See? That's the thing I don't understand."
"What?" She asked, taking one of her hands from his grip and carding through his hair.
"You, you were so scared, frightened early on in the pregnancy that something would go wrong. You were so meticulously careful. And then when you fell down the stairs, nothing scared me more. I let you talk me out of taking you to the hospital immediately. For someone so worried about something happening early on, waiting to go to the hospital this late in the game seems so out of character." Robin continued to stare into his wife's eyes. She stopped moving her hand in his hair and brought it back down to her lap, trying to focus on anything else in the kitchen except her husband. Robin sighed, dropping her hand. He leaned back on his haunches for a moment. He reached forward once more, grasping Regina by the chin, directing her to focus on him. She snatched her chin from his hands. She reached for her tea and took another sip. "Regina," Robin started. She cut her eyes to her husband, silencing him. He sucked in a breath, sucked his teeth and slightly nodded his head. "Alright, it's not as if I honestly thought this would be an easy conversation to have with you." Regina snapped her head back into his direction.
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, so you are paying attention to me." Regina rolled her eyes and pulled her cup of tea into her hands, settling them in her lap.
"Of course I'm paying attention to you. You've been nothing but moody and, and, and brooding and – "
"And what? What else have I been? Worried? Afraid? Stressed?" Robin interrupted Regina. She abruptly stood up, spilling her tea.
"Oh, " Regina bent slightly, grasping her waste; Robin stood, gathering her into his side.
"Regina, are you alright? Is anything the matter?"
Regina chuckled mirthlessly, tears pricking her eyes. She grasped Robin's hand tightly as he guided her back into the kitchen chair. Once she was situated in the chair, she leaned back slightly, rubbing circles on her belly.
"Are you alright?"
"Hmmm? Yes, yes, I'm fine, the ba – Squishy seems to have shifted an appendage into my ribs."
"Okay, alright, that's good, that's fine." Regina cocked her head.
"Good and fine? I assure you it's not the most comfortable thing in the world."
"Well at least you're not going into premature labor again."
"What? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Regina, it's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"What?" Robin let out an exasperated sigh.
"Woman, will you just listen, okay? I'm, I'm not certain how to talk this out with you, without being in front of Dr. Hopper."
"Well would it make it easier for you if we went to see him? I'm not sure what we're doing right now is the best approach." Robin shook his head, knelt in front of Regina and grasped her by her thighs once more, staring into her eyes.
"Hear me, and hear me well. I get why you feel more comfortable talking our problems out with Dr. Hopper, it's a safe space. But guess what? We can't always bottle everything up until we can go see Dr. Hopper. Now is one of those times. I've been sitting on this for a while, waiting for things to be a little better because I don't want to put any more stress on you, but it's eating me up inside and I can't – I can't hold it in any longer."
"Okay, alright, I'm listening."
"Are you?"
"Yes, now, you're scaring me. Would you please just tell me what's going on?" Robin glanced down before looking back up into his wife's eyes. He used her legs to push himself standing, pausing for a moment, then he began his pacing. Regina looked on as he seemed to be working himself up in confidence. Finally, he came to sit before her at the kitchen table.
"Would you care for some more tea?" She slowly nodded her head. He refreshed both of their cups. He rotated his cup in between his hands.
"Robin? I get that you're nervous, your nervousness is freaking me out. You're upset about that night. And you're really angry with me and you've been carrying this around since then. Is that about right?" Robin shook his head. "See? I've been listening. Now, is there anything more you wish me to know? Is there something more?" Robin let out a small chuckle, for once in their young marriage she seemingly had the cooler head at the moment.
"I thought you were going to lose the baby. I knew how much that would devastate you. I wasn't sure I could be strong enough to support you losing the baby when I knew how much it would hurt me to lose our child because I knew I would also lose you, not necessarily to death, but I truly didn't think you would be able to survive losing this child, not after what you've already been through with the miscarriage and Daniel and – " Regina reached forward, placing a hand on his, steadying their movements around the coffee cup. Her husband was so sweet and caring and thoughtful and it was killing him. "I couldn't bear the thought of having fallen in love with you, marrying you, having another child with you – getting a second chance at happiness with you and our little family only to lose it all in that moment. That moment in which I let you talk me out of being the protector of our family. I bent to your will and let you talk me out of immediately taking you to the hospital to make sure you and Squishy were alright. I failed you all in that moment." Regina moved her hand to cup his cheek, tears now streaking her freshly showered face. Robin leaned into her touch. "Regina, what are you thinking?"
"I'm thinking," she started, stroking his cheek, "that I have the most amazing husband in the world. I'm also thinking how I take him for granted. I'm sorry I scared you. I scared myself. I was trying not to worry you."
"You don't get to do that. I'm always going to worry about you. I'm going to worry about you, about Roland, about Henry, about Squishy. That's my job, you don't get to decide who I get to worry about. You guys are my life and I will do everything in my power to make sure you are safe and happy and taken care of. And if there is ever a moment that any of you aren't feeling that way I will do everything within my power to change that around."
Regina didn't really have anything to say to that. She was used to being the strong one. She often forgot that Robin was there to help share her burdens and that is was okay to rely on him, to rely on someone else to help. It was all she could do to recall her sessions with Dr. Hopper and not try to have the last word. This time, this space, this moment was for Robin and she shouldn't allow her pride to take it from him. So she did the only thing she could do. She leaned forward and kissed him. She kissed him hard, her tongue sweeping his lips, begging for entrance. He was stunned, she could tell, but he acquiesced. Their mouths and tongues danced for a few moments before they both drew back.
"What was that for?"
"A thanks."
"Thanks? I thought for certain you would have my head."
"Well, for a moment, the thought did cross my mind, but then I remembered. You're right and Dr. Hopper is right. I don't have to handle everything. I was afraid that night, that I let you down and I didn't want to worry you. I didn't want you to worry that anything was wrong. And I also didn't want to admit to myself I might've blown everything. That I might've done something to take that happiness away from you. And when I didn't feel anything immediate after falling I thought I was in the clear, there was nothing to be concerned about. Out of sight, out of mind."
"Know this, nothing, and I mean nothing would tear me from you. If anything, should we have lost Squishy, my hopes would be that we grow stronger for getting through such a difficult challenge because our love is that strong. I. love. You. I can't bear the thought of living a day without you and sometimes that scares me, but knowing that you love me and have trusted me with your heart, well, it let's me know that this is right and true and good. After losing Marian I wasn't sure I would be able to love anyone as much as I loved her. And knowing you lost Daniel, I wasn't sure I was worthy of protecting your heart. But here we are."
"Yes, here we are. I think we're doing pretty well."
"Yeah?" Regina leaned forward to kiss him again.
"Yeah, I mean, we've worked through this, haven't we?"
"Have we?"
"Well, we've both gotten a lot off our chest."
"Yes, we've said some things, but it hasn't fixed anything."
"Well, no, I didn't think we needed fixing. Do we need fixing?"
"Um, well, not necessarily fixing, but this is a pretty big thing."
"Yes, it is, but I think this is good for now. Perhaps we should put this on hold. I think we've wallowed in this long enough for today, perhaps a few days."
"I'll grant you that, but I'm still not feeling at ease about this."
"I know. How about this? We table this for now and we'll go see Dr. Hopper on Wednesday. We've got a head start. Our only issue now is how do we want to work through this, what we hope the end goal from all this to be. Do you know what you want it to be?"
"I want – " Regina put two fingers on Robin's lips.
"Shhhh, I said save it for Dr. Hopper. Squishy and I have developed a schedule for this mini vacation." Robin nodded, he'll play along.
"Oh?"
"Hmmm," she nodded, reaching for his hands. He helped her to stand and she led him into the den."
"Since I can't go up the stairs we usually camp out in the den, on the sofa, watching trashy tv or catching – "
"Catching up on the DVR shows we're supposed to watch together?" Robin finished as she sat down the sofa, patting the spot next to her. Robin reluctantly sat and Regina rearranged herself so she was situated in between his legs, reclining on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, his hands coming to rest on her lower belly. He softly kissed her temple. She picked up the remote and turned on the tv, searching through their DVR listings. No, they hadn't really solved their current problem, but Robin was content enough to let Regina take the lead from this point on. He felt confident that this time, she really had heard him and listened to his needs and that was enough, for now.