Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist, but if I did HPMOR would be canon.
Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 2: On The Right Track
"This place is a mess!" Ed shouted above the chaos. There was no order anywhere, people were just running around like mad. And what in the world was up with a platform 9 3/4. What did that even mean? Wizards were ridiculous, alchemy made so much more sense. Observing the platform he saw a group of children and their parents run trolleys through a wall. "WHAAAAAAT?"
Of course, just passing through a wall wasn't surprising in and of itself, they were wizards. But they were doing it in plain sight! They all just ran through the wall in a train station FILLED WITH MUGGLES! Were people trying to get nonmagical peoples attention? It was so stupid! And the wall they passed trough wasn't even 3/4s of the way through, it was in the dead center of platform 8 and platform 9! STUPID WIZARDS!
Puffing steam out of his nose like a charging bull, Ed rushed the gate. There was a slight moment of disorientation before ending up in the train station on the other side of the wall. The future wizards were all bustling about, scrambling and struggling to get their stuff onto the train. They really lacked arm strength, Ed hauled his luggage balanced on one finger. Still he wasn't in a mood to mock the ninnies, so he loaded his stuff onto the train. Climbing aboard he settled into the first compartment he passed, he was lucky enough to get there early. He had a book on magical theory, or at least what passed for it at this Hogwarts place he was headed to. All it really talked about was to be sure to wave your wand in the right pattern and speak the words clearly there were no underlying principles like in alchemy.
"Stupid useless book." he growled, throwing it against the wall. Too bad Al wasn't here, the tin can was great for practicing his sleight of hand. Then the door opened, revealing the annoying Draco kid from before.
"I say, it is you! Would you allow me to sit in this car with you? I fear my luggage is rather heavy and I will be unable to carry it any farther." he spoke with his head held high, hand holding his hat. It was nice but Ed recognized it as against regulation.
"Hey punk, why do you get to wear a hat like that, huh? Its against the rules, you better take it off before I make you!" Ed shook the kid by the collar, Draco desperately trying to free himself. "How come you get to wear that stupid hat and I can't wear my awesome red duster? Why's that? What makes YOU so special?"
"Why I never! Such barbaric manners, you simply must learn to control yourself." Placing his hat back on his head, he spun on his heels and headed off haute-ly. Edward was glad the twerp was gone at last. He couldn't stand that snobby twit. He decided on practicing his alchemy, transmuting a glass chalice out of the window. It was incredibly ornate, and as that bastard Colonel commented 'It's a wonder how such a tactless and blunt kid can make something so detailed.' He hated how the Colonel was always talking down to him like he hadn't gone to school. Ed HAD though! He'd gone to school for two whole years! Why couldn't they harp on Al, he'd never been to school. Sure he'd learned statistics and read up on history books to make his campaigns more 'realistic' but still!
A load croak came from the window. Ed turned and saw a toad sitting where the glass used to be.
"What're you looking at, slimeball?" Narrowing his eyes at the creature, which looked back. Straight into his eyes, it delved with it's own yellow soulless orbs. Perspiring Ed tried turning away, but the beast held his gaze with some unknown force. It let out another croak...no not a croak, but the sound of the universe itself tearing and stretching. Edward fumbled backwards into the edge of the car. The monstrosity bounded forward with unnatural strength, landing at his feet. Its skin glistened the color of dead and rotting things, its eyes, THOSE EYES!
A chill went down his spine as the Eldritch Toad waddled forward. The trail of ooze it left twisted light and reality, as its abnormal tongue snaked out, catching a fly, a creature too fast for the human eye to comprehend. It drew closer and closer, until a timid round-faced boy with blond hair entered the cabin.
"Have you seen... oh Trevor! There you are!" Picking up the Eldritch Toad, he cradled it in his arms like it was a pet. "Thanks for finding him, name's Neville."
"No...No problem. I'm Ed. I'll see you later..." He stood on wobbly feet trying to usher out of the room. The Eldritch Harbinger wore a confused look on his face.
"I'll see you later?"
"Yeah sure, whatever."
Meanwhile in the adjacent cabin, Harry was sitting amidst a mountain of candy offerings. He shoveled chocolate frogs and the like down his gullet as his ever-so-loyal Grand Vizier oversaw the offerings.
"What do you mean you didn't bring Potter-Baka any offerings? Can he purchase a new wand with your affections?" Corey scoffed sending away two girls, apparently not deserving of his presence. The next visitor was a fancy looking boy, with incredibly blond hair wearing a stunning bowler hat. Harry held up a hand when Corey glanced over towards him.
"You!" Harry spoke, drawing himself to his full height "You, dressed this way! Undoubtedly you are famous, perhaps even fancy, but will you match my power? Here in this moment, I name you Rival! One such as myself should not let just any stupid-head challenge me, so I pick you!" His Grand Vizier clapped for his excellent speech.
"Why I never!" The boy began, "My name is Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa, heir to the House of Malfoy! Far too many times I have been accosted. As a gentleman, I shall not lose my temper, but I accept this feud. I shall defeat you and show you the error of your erroneous ways!" With that 'Draco' walked off. Harry looked over at Corey.
"So what does 'errinis' mean?"
"Erroneous. It means wrong."
"He thinks I'm wrong?!" How dare that stupid stupid-head call him wrong! He would show that blondie that he was the dumb one and that HP was the MAN, even if he was only 11.
The next visitor was a girl with curly hair and large teeth entered the cabin. She did not look altogether too amused with the shenanigans.
"Who are you and what are you doing?" Her voice carried the weight of a ton of bricks. "You can't just demand things from the other poor children on this train, you should be ashamed of yourselves!"
"Watch your tongue little miss, this is THE Harry Potter you are speaking to. Those children are merely paying their respects to the great Potter-baka." The girl stopped for a second. Harry thought she had a rather vacant expression. She stared dully before starting up again.
"Wait Potter-Baka? Doesn't that mean…"
"BEGONE, BE BANISHED YE BANSHEE!" Corey leaped to his feet and shoved the girl out of the cabin closing the door behind them, leaving Harry by himself. He wondered what his Grand Vizier was up to, probably trying to explain why he was so great. Corey probably left so he could eat chocolate frogs in peace, which is exactly what he did.
"...Idiot?" Hermione finished. She was incredibly confused at what was going on. At first she thought the two exploitative boys were idiots, but it appeared only one was. And that one was Harry Potter himself! A boy from the books, she couldn't believe he could be so callous and greedy!
"Pipe down, woman! Don't you want to get anywhere in life? Harry Potter is famous; doors near those such as him open with ease! Even if he is too dense t walk through them on his own accord." Hermione gaped. This gremlin was merely using Harry. Perhaps Potter wasn't even all bad and he was being poisoned by this fiend.
"You can't just use people like that!"
"See here," the boy ran a hand through his hair, looking much older "I'm Corey. I thought I needed to work my tail off to become the greatest wizard and accomplish my goals. Now, I have Harry! And he has someone who can count to ten without using their fingers. It's a symbiotic relationship. You…do know what symbiotic means, right?"
"I'm not stupid, of course I know what it means! And I'm not going to let you just use Harry; I'll protect him! I'll keep him out of your vile little schemes."
"So be it vixen, you may try. However you will find that Potter-Baka's mere presence will aid you in your endeavors. You will be using him, whether you wish to or not."
"So Harry, I've heard all about you from books. What do you think about the way wizards treat Squibs?"
"I dunno. I guess we should just leave them to do what they want an' stuff. They aren't really bothering us." Harry remarked, the girl (Her name was Hemmingway Grubby or something) looked pleased. He wondered how Corey got her to go from being mean to being nice so quickly.
"I think that's a good start, but don't you think that they're treated unfairly?" Harry had no idea what Hemhem was going on about. He'd ask Corey later.
Blasted wizards! How was he supposed to sleep? They were repeatedly violating Equivalent Exchange with really loud noises. Now bending the laws of the universe was something Ed could let slip by, it was pretty cool that he wasn't actually limited by The EE anymore. But did those children have to be so damn loud?
After practicing alchemy, Edward moved on to reading about this "Magic". Unless wands were literally bottled chaos, he should be able to study it. The compartment was covered in books, mostly ones he'd pilfered, but a few he bought himself. With other people's money. Ed was Amestrian military, research was more important than a few children getting a perfect grade in class.
At the moment he was cross analyzing One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi with his own texts. He balked at the use of a mandrake in a potion to remedy petrifaction. A mandrake, as in the plant part of the nightshade family? He figured wizards were probably just poor at identification; there was no way that they'd survived drinking anticholinergenics as a cure. He'd need to teach them a thing or two.