Ryou leaned against the doorframe, watching Takashi standing in the middle of what had once been his bedroom and gazing at the empty walls.

Faded squares of paint marked where posters had once hung, ranging from diagrams of old spacecraft to telescope photos of distant nebulae to the limited edition reproduction of the Voyager record that had once hung over the head of the bed, a prized possession that a younger Takashi had saved for scrupulously for almost three years. Divots in the carpet noted where furniture had stood, the bed and desk shifted from their old positions, the empty dresser extracted from its awkward corner where it had dwelt for years to free enough wall space for a particularly large chart of potentially habitable planets around distant stars. The worn galaxy-patterned bedding, a relic of many years before Takashi had moved into the cadet barracks at the Garrison, had been replaced a soft pale green, but nothing could remove the marks on the headboard where a rough solar system diagram had been scratched into the wood.

The barrenness of it had left a sick feeling in Ryou's stomach ever since his parents had, with great difficulty, packed away everything his brother had left behind almost five months after the disaster that had taken his life. On his rare visits home he'd tried to avoid so much as looking at the door in passing, refused to set foot in the space that was filled with aching memories and lingering traces of someone he would never see again.

Seeing Takashi alive in there, his scars, hair, and prosthetic arm leaving him as indelibly marked by the past as the room was and studying it with the broken, lost expression he only allowed himself to wear when he didn't think anyone was looking, was somehow almost worse.

The night before, at dinner, Allura had announced they finally had a schedule for the rest of the repairs and the manufacturing of components for the defense systems they'd be leaving behind. It would be three full days before the defense systems were ready to be installed, and she declared that they may as well spend that time in their homes as well as with their families. It wasn't as if they couldn't return in an emergency, and they deserved to make the most of what little time they could afford to spend on Earth.

Ryou had immediately tried to convince his little brother that he should come to Kyoto to visit their parents, but found Takashi strangely reluctant. It had taken the combined efforts of the entire team-minus Lance, who had barely waited for the end of the meal to get out of the room to grab his things, to the obvious consternation and concern of the other paladins-and some pointed remarks from Alejandro about missed opportunities and regrets to get him to agree to go.

Now, though, Ryou was beginning to understand just why he'd been so unwilling. Time had moved forward, and things and people changed.

Tearful hugs and awkward catch-up conversations, as if Takashi were home on leave instead of catching his breath in the middle of an intergalactic war, didn't take away what had happened. It didn't take away the two years they'd thought Takashi was dead. It didn't take away Takashi's prosthetic, his scars, the way he jumped and his arm flashed ultraviolet, just for a fraction of a second, when their dad startled him by placing a hand on his shoulder while he was lost in thought. It didn't take away the things Takashi had seen and done that he still refused to discuss, that left shadows in his eyes and woke him up screaming in the middle of the night.

(Ryou was fairly certain his brother didn't know he knew about those, but you didn't become a successful archaeologist by being unobservant.)

Everything was different, and Takashi had already known that, even without coming back here to be confronted by the ghosts of could-have-been and used-to-be.

Swallowing his guilt, he knocked lightly on the doorframe. Takashi jumped and whirled to face him with his right arm lifting into a defensive position, then relaxed as he saw who it was. "Ryou. You startled me."

"Sorry." He shrugged, acting casual despite the additional reminder of how altered the other was. "Mind if I come in?"

"It's your house." Takashi said softly, gaze drifting to the blank walls again.

Ryou frowned. "Yours too. And it's your room."

"Was."

"Is, doofus." He made a smacking motion in the air, since the other was out of reach. "Now can I come in or not?"

His brother gave a soft laugh at the familiar gesture and nodded, waving him in. "Did you need something?"

"Nah, just couldn't stand that look on your face." He admitted as he settled down on the edge of the bed. "I shouldn't have forced you to come out here. I'm sorry."

Takashi sighed, turning to lean back against the opposite wall. "Don't apologize. You wanted me to have the same kind of happy homecoming the others all got, right? And it has been nice, seeing Aunt Minako and Aunt Izumi and Uncle Takuya again, in person. It's just…" he trailed off, glancing sideways at the walls again.

"...Just that you're not who they expected to see, right?" Ryou completed the thought for him, following his brother's gaze to the scratched headboard. "You're not the Takashi Shirogane you were before Kerberos anymore."

The Takashi Shirogane who had put up those posters, whose shelves were filled with books about space. The Takashi who plastered the ceiling with glow in the dark stars and taught himself calculus because he thought it would make him better at the simulators once he got to the Garrison. The Takashi who could tell you the name of every bright star in the sky and how far they were from earth and what their potential for a Human colony was believed to be. The Takashi who dreamed of a bright future among the stars.

That was the Takashi whose possessions were buried in the basement, in boxes labelled by a shaky hand and splotched by tears.

The other let out a slow breath, tipping his head back and closing his eyes. "Yeah. I mean, none of us are the same as when we left, you don't fight a war without changing. But it's more...obvious, I guess, for Matt and I."

"I had noticed that, yeah." Ryou kept his tone carefully neutral, hating the way his brother's shoulders hunched just a little at that confirmation. "You guys went through hell, both of you. You can't help that. And yeah, it changed you. Trauma does that. But you know what? You haven't changed as much as I think you think you have."

Takashi's head shot up, grey eyes snapping back open to stare at him. "Come again?"

Grinning, Ryou flopped back on the bed and started counting off on his fingers. "One, you totally older-brother the rest of your team just like you do Keith. I dunno where you got that instinct from, considering you never actually had a younger sibling before him, but speaking as an older brother, you're good at it."

"I'm the team leader." Takashi protested, cheeks going pink. "It's my job to look after them."

"Like you wouldn't have done it even if you weren't." He laughed at his brother's offended sputtering and kept going. "Two, you're trying to do the right thing and help people regardless of the impact on your own health and safety." He lifted his head and shot the other a knowing look. "And again, you'd do it Black Paladin or not. Pretty sure even if you hadn't ended up going straight back into space, you'd have spent the last year rallying the Garrison or something instead of, y'know, recovering from a terrifying ordeal."

Takashi's cheeks were more red than pink now, but he kept his mouth shut because Ryou was right and they both knew it.

He pushed himself back up into a sitting position and gave his brother a soft smile. "And three. You're happiest talking about the good things you've seen out there."

That statement was met by a raised eyebrow, Takashi adjusting his folded arms a little. "I'm not sure what you mean by that."

"I mean that no matter what else you're doing out there, or what you've been through, you're still living your dreams in some small way."

"What-"

"To explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no-" He cut off with a yelp of laughter as Takashi jumped on him, cheeks flaming red, and tried to stifle him with the pillow. "Hey! Get off!"

"Not until you promise never to breathe a word of that to the others!"

"What, and give up my blackmail that easily? I'm not stupid, Jean Luc Picard!"

"You told me you deleted those!"

Downstairs in the kitchen, Izumi, Minako, and Takuya exchanged relieved smiles at the sound of their sons' laughter echoing down the stairs.

00000000

Rosa frowned, pausing on the edge of the slope where the grass gave way to soft sand.

Down below, most of her children, nieces, and nephews were sporting in the waves, a few of them using the Blue Lion's nose as a high dive to her obvious delight. Even as she watched, Antonio cannonballed off the end of her muzzle to splash a shrieking Fernan and laughing Kurogane, while closer to shore Alej was giving as good as he got in a wrestling match with Novia despite the fact that his prosthetic legs were up on the beach, resting on a towel to keep the sand off them. All in all, everyone was having a good time, enjoying being together again.

With one exception.

Picking her way carefully across the hot sands, she sat down beside Alonza where he sat hugging his knees to his chest against the slope of a dune. He'd been wearing the same miserable expression since he arrived when he didn't think anyone was paying attention, especially around Alej and Kurogane, and while she'd tried to give him time to sort himself out, he only had a couple more days here and she refused to let him spend them all being unhappy, not when she might be able to do something about it. "Talk to me, baby. What's wrong?"

She saw his shoulders stiffen as he plucked at some stray grasses. "What? Nothing's wrong."

Scowling, she swatted the back of his head. "Don't give me that crap, Alonza. You think I can't tell when something's bothering you? Or because you're a paladin now you think you're too good to open up to your Mami?" Not that he would ever think that, but if it got him to open up…

"N-No, Mami, it's not like that!" He yelped, rubbing the back of his head. "It's just...I dunno, it's stupid…"

"If it's upsetting you, it's not stupid. I know I've told you that before."

Alonza groaned, burying his face in his knees. "I knoooow...It's just really complicated."

Rosa sighed, crossing her legs and stretching. "I'm not going anywhere." She assured him. She had all the time in the world when her children needed her.

There was a pause as he worried at his lower lip with his teeth, staring out at the water. Alej had instigated a game of tag and was evading all of Leandro's efforts at tagging him back with almost lazy ease as he taunted his brother, only to shriek as Kurogane ambushed him and scooped him out of the water long enough for Leandro to tag him and swim off laughing at the indignant accusations of cheating being hurled at his back and at Kurogane, who silenced his partner with a kiss before dropping him unceremoniously back into the water.

Finally, Alonza sighed. "Okay. So, it's kind of a long story, so hear me out, okay?" He yanked at the grass again. "So...you remember we told you about Zarkon and Haggar, right? Two of the big bads of the Galra Empire?"

"I remember, yes." She couldn't quite suppress a scowl at the thought of the atrocities they'd committed. Her sons' recounting of the history of the war had been thin on details, but she'd paid enough attention in school, and seen enough of the marks on Takashi Shirogane and Matthew Holt that she could easily fill in the blanks. "What about them?"

"Well...We found out a while ago that Zarkon was the original Black Paladin. And that was a whole big mess and caused a bunch of problems, although I think we managed to deal with those."

She blinked in surprise at that. The leader of the Empire, a former paladin? And not just any, but the leader? How did that happen, that a monster could end up at the controls of a machine intended to protect? "...Alright." She said slowly. "And Haggar?"

Alonza winced at the name, looking away. "...Turns out she's the original Blue Paladin?"

Rosa's head whipped around to stare at the Blue Lion, standing in the water beyond her family. The giant machine seemed to sense her gaze, the head turning slightly to regard her with those gleaming golden eyes for a moment before looking away again. For some odd reason, she almost had an impression of shame from the thing, regret for choices past, despite the fact their voices were much too low to be heard from that far away.

"I see…" She said slowly. "You're upset because your predecessor turned out to be a bad person? Sweetheart, her actions don't reflect on you any more than Zarkon's reflect on Shiro. At least, I'm assuming you don't blame him for the things Zarkon has done?"

Alonza shook his head violently at once. "Of course not!" He snapped, sounding almost indignant. "Shiro's a great guy! Like, practically the opposite of Zarkon! I don't even know how that quiznack was ever a match for any of the Lions, let alone Black. Love and will, my butt!"

Chuckling, she shifted a bit closer and put an arm around her son's shoulders. "Alright, and you're nothing like Haggar. So why is this bothering you?"

He stilled, head dropping to stare at the sands. "...It's different. Haggar did more to hurt us directly than Zarkon ever did, both times." He jerked his head slightly toward the water to indicate his time-travelling counterpart, now receiving a seaweed necklace from Lur. "And she did it with abilities, aspects, that I'm supposed to have too. And I just…"

Her heart ached at the guilt in his eyes as he lifted his head, guilt for actions that weren't even his.

"...I don't understand how they can even trust me, when I have the same abilities as her. I mean, she literally used them to make Shiro hurt all of them and try to kill Keith in the other timeline, and Shiro almost died again when she took him over on the Weblum's Breath! After everything she's done, I dunno how Keith can even stand to look at me, let alone-" He cut off his agitated ranting abruptly, jaw clacking shut and cheeks going red before he quickly folded his arms across his knees and buried his face in them.

"Keith? What's Keith got to-" She stopped, all the pieces falling into place. Kurogane's assurance that Keith's feelings for her son were already present. Keith's welcoming smile to Alonza at dinner that first night on the Castle of Lions that suddenly became standoffishness and silence the morning after Coran had taken Alonza and Alej away to speak with them. Alonza's lingering sorrow, and the longing way he watched Alej and Kurogane interact. It all added up to exactly one thing. "Alonza Teodosio Vidal McClain-Martinez what did you do." She hissed.

Alonza yelped, arms going up automatically to protect his head in anticipation of another scolding swat. "Nothing! I didn't do anything!"

Rosa pinned her son with her firmest stare, the one that said 'You and I both know you're lying to me, now exactly how mad do you want to make me by keeping it up?' and waited.

There was several seconds' silence between them, his cheeks going redder and redder, until he broke eye contact and looked away. "...He told me he was in love with me and I told him I couldn't return his feelings because I was no good for him." He mumbled.

Her stare turned into a gape for a moment before she pressed her fingers to her forehead and took a deep breath. Of course he did. No one in their family self-sabotaged like Alonza did, for all he was also the most big-hearted of her children. Raising him had been a challenge, trying to learn to see the emotions behind his smiles and make sure his needs were actually being met. His ADHD diagnosis in particular had been a wake-up call, when they learned that their 'problem child' who freely admitted he didn't sit still or pay attention in class or do his homework on time was, in fact, a child with a problem, who required special help instead of discipline.

(She would never forget the slack-jawed, stunned expression on his face a week afterwards when he silently handed her another failed test to sign for the teacher and she'd leaned down to hug him tight and told him that it was okay, it wasn't his fault. So much of his self-doubt was because of her, and always would be.)

Rosa exhaled slowly, counting to five. Aggravation wouldn't help, no matter how ridiculous the whole thing was. Calm reassurance and a level head was what her boy needed from her right now.

"Okay." She said finally. "Let me make sure I've got this straight. Keith loves you, and trusts you enough to tell you so, or at least he did before you all realized Haggar was a previous paladin. And you think the fact that she was the blue paladin before you-"

"First blue paladin. There was another blue paladin between us, her apprentice." Alonza stared down at the sand, drawing squiggles in it with his finger. "He didn't betray his team, though."

She heaved another exasperated sigh. "Fine. First blue paladin. You think that makes you a bad person because it means you can do some of the things she can, things she used to hurt people you care about. Because your job used to be hers. Have I got that right, sweetheart?" She regarded him steadily, careful to keep her expression neutral. It was silly, but self-doubt was rarely rational.

He must have been thinking along the same lines, though, because his next words shone a little more light on the situation. "I'm scared I'll just be a constant reminder of what he almost lost because of her."

Ah. She mulled that over for a moment, trying to sort through the story she'd been told days earlier to find a counterexample. "Does Princess Allura," she said slowly, hoping she was remembering correctly. She'd been less focused on the parts of the story that didn't immediately concern her children. "Consider Shiro a constant reminder of what Zarkon took from her?"

His finger stopped its endless looping path through the sand as he lifted his head slightly, cheeks darkening. "No? At least I don't think so? She doesn't really talk about her feelings much, at least not with us, but she's not always good at hiding them." He said slowly, clearly thinking the question over. "She was kind of a jerk to Keith for a while when we found out he was half-Galra, and that was after we'd known her and fought with her for months. If being around another black paladin bothered her, we probably would've known about it a lot sooner." He grimaced. "So, yeah, I guess she doesn't."

"And they don't have romantic feelings to make them biased, either." Rosa pointed out, smiling slightly as she remembered the adoring way Shiro had looked at his old crewmate, Matthew Holt. That attachment was plain as day. She sighed and pulled her son closer against her side. "Alonza, baby, I may not know your teammates as well as you do, but I'm fairly certain the only one who thinks badly of you for having Haggar as your predecessor is you. And as for your abilities...I highly doubt you would ever use them the way she did."

The way he shuddered at the very thought was answer enough and she kissed the top of his head. "There you go. I know they're hard thoughts to let go of, but you really are worrying about nothing."

"I guess…" Alonza didn't sound convinced, but he seemed more relaxed than he had when she first sat down. He turned his head and gave her a strained smile, leaning into her a little. "Thanks, Mami. I really missed you."

Her heart swelled with warmth and she kissed his forehead again. "I missed you too, with all my heart. Now, you think about what I said and talk to that boy when you feel ready, alright? I know you like him back."

His cheeks turned scarlet and he hastily lurched to his feet. "Okay, thanks, I'm gonna go swim now!" He blurted and trotted down the beach toward the water.

Rosa chuckled as she watched him go, and tried to ignore the ache settling into her heart. Alonza-all of them, actually-deserved to be happy, to be children still as much as they were able. They were still so young. And yet they had no choice but to set aside their innocence, their dreams, their plans for the future, with the weight of countless lives sitting heavy on their shoulders.

Her gaze flicked to Alej and Kurogane, exchanging blinding smiles before the former splashed his partner playfully, then back to Alonza, just stepping into the surf.

Please God, she prayed silently, at least let him have this.

0000000

"Ugh, this is fucking weird." Katie groused from the back seat, fumbling for a moment before she managed to get her seatbelt done up with an audible click. "When did I last even use a seatbelt? I mean, the Lions have harnesses, but that's totally different, and we don't always-"

"Katlynn Uhura Holt, I sincerely hope you're not about to admit to not wearing your seatbelt while flying your giant space robot." Colleen admonished with mock severity while Matt smothered a laugh in the passenger seat beside her. She could see her daughter's cheeks going crimson in the rearview mirror.

"Noooo, Of course not, Mom! Why would you even suggest that I would ever do something as potentially dangerous as riding in a moving vehicle with my seatbelt off?" Katie shot back with a roll of her eyes, her voice practically dripping with fake-ass sincerity that made her brother's face go red with the effort of not laughing. "I could risk my life doing that!"

"Glad to hear it." Colleen said, pretending to be very prim and proper as she did up her own seatbelt. "Please keep all seatbelts securely fastened-"

"And all tray tables secured and seat backs in the upright position. I know, mom."

That one proved to be too much for Matt, who doubled over wheezing.

Colleen couldn't help but exchange pleased grins with her daughter. Then her attention was diverted by one of the soldiers forming a protective cordon around her car knocking on the window and gesturing to the path they'd cleared to the gate. She nodded an affirmative, shifted out of park, and drove slowly out onto the highway and turned towards town, keeping a wary eye out in case any of the gawkers still lining the fence decided to jump into the road.

Media circuses were something she'd had plenty of practice with over the years, and when she'd decided to take Matt and Katie back to the house for a few hours while the rest of the team was away so they could pack their things to take with them, she'd known it was going to be a hassle and a half. Fortunately, Iverson was more than willing to accommodate them (She still wasn't over the fact that the bastard had been secretly trying to help them bring the truth of the Kerberos mission to light) with a military escort to keep the vultures off them. She could see the garish orange jeep in her rearview mirror, coming along in case any unwanted guests showed up at the house.

"We could have taken Green, you know." Katie pointed out, watching the desert roll by outside her window.

"Nowhere to park her, sweetheart." Colleen pointed out, taking the exit into town. "Or one of the Castle's pods, at least not without attracting a lot of attention. I've been away from the house a long time, so I'm hoping it won't be ringed with media hounds the way the Garrison is."

Katie hummed an acknowledgement and continued gazing out at the streets. Matt was doing the same, silent and distant. How must it feel for him, to be back here at last after the better part of three years, two of which were spent believing you would never come home? She couldn't even imagine it.

The yard and street were, thankfully, as empty as she'd hoped as she pulled into the driveway, the Garrison vehicle parking on the street. If they were lucky, it might even stay that way until they left. But if not, that was the soldiers' problem, not hers. She parked the car and strode up the walk to the door, swapping car keys for house as she went.

Opening the door, though, she faltered. The last time she'd been in this house, over a year ago, it had echoed large and painfully empty around her. Matt and Sam were barely a year gone, then, and Katie newly vanished in a so-called accident whose pieces refused to fit together in her mind and that set the beginning of a pattern that all her years as a lawyer screamed at her not to ignore. The signs of her hasty departure were still evident in the newspapers and mail scattered across the table, the half-empty dishwasher, the coats she'd knocked down when she grabbed her jacket on the way out the door, all now coated in a layer of dust. But it was the memories that jumped out at her the most, of shock and disbelief and deep, soul-destroying grief.

Matt's touch on her arm startled her out of her reverie, and she glanced over at him. His gaze was heavy with understanding as he looked at her silently for a long moment before limping past her into the house with Katie bouncing beside him.

Colleen took a deep breath, bracing herself, and stepped inside. They came here for a reason, and the sooner they got that done, the sooner she could escape the memories that dogged her heels of happier times. Her children had already disappeared up the stairs and she followed, turning left at the top into the dusty bedroom she had shared for almost thirty years with the man she loved.

Focus. Work to be done. She hauled a suitcase out of the back of the closet and threw it on the bed before turning to the dresser and pausing. As a lawyer, she had generally dressed in heels and skirts, blazers and make-up. Ideal for striking terror into the hearts of defense attorneys and politicians. But where she was headed now, she'd need a very different uniform.

"You always did like seeing me in your clothes." She murmured to the empty air, and turned decisively toward the right-side drawers.

Khaki and denim and thick cotton shirts, practical and durable, would be her armor now, and the lines grief had etched into her face would be her warpaint. All-weather jackets, sturdy boots, strong belts, and lots of pockets, because you never knew what weapons you might need. By the time she was done, the drawers on the right stood empty, the ones on the left untouched, and the suitcase and a large duffle were stuffed full of clothes and a few other odds and ends. Only a small space had been allotted to keepsakes-a few photos of her family, an old book of quotes that had been a treasured gift from Sam. Everything else was practical.

"Mom?" Matt's startled voice broke the silence as she tucked the last shirt into the bag. "Um, what are you wearing?" When she looked up, both he and Katie were standing in the doorway, bewildered expressions on their faces.

And they had every right to sound confused. While packing, she'd traded her skirt and blouse for worn but serviceable jeans and a plain long-sleeved shirt, topped with a windbreaker that bore half a dozen large pockets and paired with sturdy sneakers. Her make-up had been washed off and her jewellery put away with the sole exception of her wedding band. It was a way she hadn't dressed in a very long time, not since before her children were born.

Instead of answering right away, she zipped up the duffel bag and slung it onto her shoulder, taking a last glance around the room to make sure she hadn't left behind anything she would miss. Finding nothing, she turned toward her children and smiled. "You two didn't think I was planning on letting you go off back into space without me, did you?" Her smiled sharpened, becoming the feral shark-grin that never failed to put the fear of God and Holt into anyone that crossed her path. "The Galra want a war, and I intend to give them Hell."