Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 5: Day 1, EE and the principles of EE
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The young alchemist began his day with a yawn, shuffling towards the greenhouse. Bloody wizards and their plants. He couldn't believe it wasn't classed as an extracurricular. Only potion masters cared about plants, and while that line of inquiry into magic intrigued him, it still seemed inefficient to teach it to all students.
Professor Sprout had a big wide smile on her face, and even though she wasn't quite portly, it reminded him of Gluttony just a little too much. Plants were doing little dances in their pots as curious Ravenclaws looked onward. Could those things really be called plants?
"Good morning children!" The professor chirped. Ed covered his eyes, her voice was like the sun shining right in his eyes, giving them diabetes, with more sugar than Al's gaming night snacks. "Oh, it's such a wonderful day! Five points to allll the houses!" Alright, this teacher was ridiculous. How was a system that awarded scholarly achievement sustainable with such a teacher meaninglessly inflating the values? Teachers would have to be giving or taking away points by the hundreds to diminish Professor Sprout's effect. Not that he particularly cared, it just wasn't correct.
"Since Bernard isn't awake yet, today we'll be learning to put makeup on Two-Lips." With one glance at what appeared to be fleshy strips instead of a flower, Ed hit his head on the desk. This was going to be a long year.
Ed consulted his timetable that he constructed. It appeared his second class of the day would be potions. Potions seemed like it would be easy enough, he'd read through all the textbooks and then some. Being just a matter of using the right amounts, it would be notoriously easy for an alchemist such as himself.
The older Ravenclaw he met warned him of the teacher, but the elder Elric saw no reason to worry. Any competent teacher would be fine by him. Unless this 'Professor Snape' looked over sabotage and mistakes in his own house, unfairly awarded points and asked questions he couldn't possibly know the answer to, he would have no trouble.
Walking through the poorly illuminated corridors, Ed observed the other students that were also on their way to the class. Some moved slowly, some trembled and a few were crying. Ed shrugged it off. Wizards were a queer folk and it seemed better to totally ignore the younger ones. He doubted they grew up normally and acted strange as a result.
Entering the potions class, the room smelled dank. The faint smell of potions didn't seem too strong, but it was only the first day. Perhaps the odor would experience resurgence after several days of potion brewing. Seating himself in the front most row, he hoped to get a good view of the Professor brewing. Perhaps he'd get a good view and pick up some tips. Placing his empty parchment (much thicker, tougher to write on, and generally subpar to paper in all respects) on the table he prepared to take notes. He left his books in his bag; most of the content he remembered and Ed wanted to give himself more space.
The professor silently appeared from the shelves of ingredients like some sort of vampire. Ed immediately began to wonder if there were such things as vampires and if one would be allowed to teach at Hogwarts.
"Good morning. This is the exact art of potion making. Put your wands away, such flippant things have no place here. This place is for those with a talent for potions and not," he stopped and glared at Ed "for brown nosers."
Ed quickly looked behind him. Apparently there were more seats than necessary and most students relegated themselves to the opposite corner of the room. They returned his gaze with a look of fear and trepidation. He was the only student in the first three rows of the class. Crap. Playing it cool, he didn't respond and waited for Snape to continue.
The Potions Professor took roll, with Ed's fellow Ravenclaws answering nervously. The whole time Snape fixed his gaze on the young alchemist.
"Edward Elric."
"That would be me, professor."
"Tell me, why are you the only Ravenclaw to sit in the front row."
"I figured I could get a better view of how you did things from here, sir." He'd only barely kept the sarcasm out of his voice on that sir. Talking to Colonel Bastard in formal settings had its uses, he supposed.
"And it seems you do not have your books out either. Tell me Mr. Elric, are you already so acquainted with the books you feel as though you don't need them?"
"Mostly, yeah." The conversation was going to end in conflict, no use dodging it any more. Might as well get it over with.
"Well then, what do you get if you add powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"
"Draught of Living Death."
"What is a bezoar and what are its uses?"
"In potions it refers to the gastrolith of a goat and can cure most poisons. More generally it is any indigestible object found in the intestines."
"Difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"
"Colloquial names for the genus Aconitum." Ed let out a sigh of relief. "Phew, I thought you were going to ask me some unanswerable questions or something. Glad you were just making sure I knew the basics. I'm sure we'll get along." Of course only at this moment did he notice the daggers Snape sent his way.
"Ten points from Ravenclaw for hubris."
"What? That's absurd!"
"Ten points from Ravenclaw for backchat."
"Dammit, I'm trying to accommodate you man!"
"Twenty points from Ravenclaw, for being a petulant child."
"WHOSE SO SMALL HE COULDN'T BREW A POTION WITHOUT HELP FROM A GIANT?"
"Fifty points from Ravenclaw for thinking a giant would stoop to help you."
"A hundred points from the staff, for abuse of power!"
"A hundred points from Ravenclaw for absurdity."
"Two hundred points from the staff, for allowing this travesty against learning to take place!"
"FIVE HUNDRED POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW FOR DISRESPECTING A TEACHER!"
"YOU CAN CHOKE ON A BEZOAR, YOU TWIT." Ed stormed out of the room, he could learn potions on his own, no need to deal with that man any longer than he had to.
Back in the classroom, the remaining Ravenclaws were cowering in fear. Snape looked at them and jumped at them, causing them to faint.
"And ten points from Ravenclaw for being such utter pansies."
Damn that black-haired bastard! Ed had questions about potions he wanted answered! It would be easy enough to learn the actual potion-making portion of the class, but he wanted underlying principles dammit! For instance, the way potions could alter metabolism; were they bottled hormones that managed to enter the bloodstream? What caused them to change the form of the imbiber?
At this point it seemed moot, he wasn't going to be getting anything from that bastard. Next up on his schedule was transfiguration. He remembered McGonagall taught the class, an elderly woman who hopefully knew how to teach. He looked forward to transfiguration, the word sounded similar to transmutation, the disciplines were likely similar.
"Good afternoon class, welcome to transfiguration. Can anyone define transfiguration?"
"Magic focused on changing the form of an object." Ed spoke out immediately.
"Correct Mr. Elric, but do remember to raise your hand before answering." Oh whatever. Ed thought he'd gotten away from inane rules when he left Amestris.
"Excuse me professor, but does transfiguration have anything to do with alchemy?"
"No. Alchemy is more closely related to potions," goddammit! "and is not something you will learn at this school. While I appreciate your interest, please attempt to follow protocol."
"Now, your first assignment will be to transfigure these matchsticks to silver." Turning matchsticks into to silver? That shouldn't be possible. He remembered to raise his hand this time.
"Are we turning it into the element or the color?"
"The color, Mr. Elric. The other would be far beyond your capabilities." Suuure it was. Like she knew how to evaluate him. Ed was starting to get rather miffed, but he did as he was told. Waving his wand about he transformed the matchstick as requested, only to note that the other Ravenclaws seemed incapable.
"Well done Mr. Elric. Now the rest of you try again!" Ed sighed and sat down. Yes, unless something like an evil wizard showed up, it was going to be a long year.