Happy New Year! I hope y'all had a great Christmas! This is one of the longer chapters in this story so I hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading! I always look forward to new reviews! See y'all next year!
Things began to change almost immediately after that first day.
Alberta pulled me aside during that first day to explain that I was to be removed from the field experience because I proved myself during the raid. Instead of spending my time in the field experience I would be doing a lot of private trainings both alone and possibly with Christian.
Dhampirs would have weekly classes in order to work on combat so I would be required to attend those however I was on a fast track to graduation with a high possibility of graduating and receiving my guardian status early.
I couldn't deny that I was both apprehensive and excited, even if I wasn't technically allowed to tell anyone about the graduation part.
The good news, however, did not stop the ever present nausea that had been festering to an even more intense headache that made me feel like my head would split open every time I coughed.
Over the past few days it seems like my body isn't holding down food, no matter what I try. That just made it even harder to train, which Dimitri almost immediately noticed, regardless of how hard he's been trying to distance himself from me since the rescue mission.
The fact that we'd both almost lost our lives had set us miles apart from each other instead of bringing us closer. Where I wanted nothing more than to be close to him… he seemed to want to make the distance even greater. I can't remember the last time he had looked at me with something other than his cold mask. Even though I saw him every morning and afternoon he had successfully managed to make it feel like he was a thousand miles away.
Most of our trainings now consisted of thick silences only pierced by the occasional grunt from our sparing. It had bugged me in the beginning but it had nothing on the most recent changes, he wouldn't even look at me anymore. That being said, it isn't much of a surprise when I walk into practice that Dimitri is waiting for me in the middle of the gym.
"Good morning, comrade," I greet, ignoring the intense way that he watches the wall as I set my bag down.
"We need to talk, Rose." He announces, I feel like I've been dunked in ice water, I try to play it off none the less. When was the last time we had had a conversation?
"About what?" I try to make my voice sound light but I'm not entirely sure if I'm successful. For the first time this week he turns to look at me and I know what he's going to say before he says it.
"I've decided to take Tasha's offer, everything that has occurred in the past two weeks has done nothing but open my eyes to the fact that I lied, we can not be together. So I'm leaving." I feel like the floor just opened up and is trying to swallow me… I almost want it to.
My heart stutters and my mind goes blank… he's leaving? Of course he is, stupid, did you really think that a man like him could want someone like you? The answering pain lets me know that yes, I believed that he could want to be with me like I wanted to be with him.
"I…," A part of me wants to beg… but I can't, I wouldn't lower myself to beg him to stay with me, not if this is what he wanted. "Will that make you happy?" I ask instead. I see his eyes widen slightly in surprise before he pulls up his guardian mask, hiding from me.
"Yes, it will." He sounds confident in his answer. I nod.
"Then leave, Guardian Belikov, leave and don't come back, be happy with Tasha, you deserve it." I don't know how I force the smile to stretch across my trembling lips. Somehow I manage to keep my defiant stance even as pain makes me want to shatter and cry right here. I don't know how I manage to shove it all away and let him leave. With no other words Dimitri strides from the room, the door clicking softly as it closes.
I take a deep breath and count backwards from ten before I bolt to the restrooms to puke my guts out. I don't know how long it takes for my world to quit spinning enough for me to stand, but it feels like an eternity.
It was all a lie, every word, every kiss... everything was a lie. Yet somehow… I couldn't hate him; he deserves his happiness. I love him enough to let him go. I almost snort.
I want nothing more than to go curl up with Lissa but the sound of her snide comment flits through my mind when I had asked her if she wanted to watch a movie tonight comes back in crystal clarity.
"Of course not, shouldn't you be doing your job as a guardian not watching movies? Besides, I'm hanging out with Avery tonight." Just like that I had been dismissed with my feelings more hurt than I would ever admit.
I feel an agonizing knot tighten in my stomach and I flinch and lean against the wall. I need to get to my room.
I collect my stuff just as the door opens to reveal Christian. Before he can even say anything the pain intensifies and before I know it I'm on the floor clutching my stomach with black spots filling my vision.
When I wake up I'm alone in the clinic. My head's throbbing and I want to puke but I manage to focus and ignore the uncomfortable feeling. Dr. Oldenzki walks in shortly after with a grave look on her face.
"How are you feeling dear?" She asks kindly as she takes a seat by my feet.
"Like I've been hit by a truck." I answer honestly. Her eyebrow puckers as she seems to collect her words.
"Rose I have some bad news." She says in a straighter forward tone.
"Is this about how I've been feeling the past few days?" I ask, knowing the answer even as I ask.
"I'm afraid so, we did some tests while you were sleeping and… you're sick Rose. We found several tumors throughout your stomach and brain… all of which are inoperable due to their size and location." She sounds ready to cry but I pay no attention to that.
"Am I..," My voice cracks and I cough to clear it. "Am I going to die?" I ask. Her eyes close tightly as she nods.
"Rose I am so sorry. The only solution that I can come up with is for you to be healed…"
"No. I refuse to be healed, that'll only make matters with Lissa worse, I can't do that Doc." I say it passionately as she regards me in quiet fascination. "How long do I have?" I continue. She takes a deep breath.
"My guess would be anywhere from two to four months at best." I feel like my world is falling apart at the seems… I would barely make it to graduation. I wouldn't be able to guard Lissa.
"I'm dying." I whisper as if saying it out loud will make it real. In some way it does. "Can I be released now?" I ask, her eyes widen slightly.
"That's not a good idea, you should stay here where we can monitor your progress, we'd have to speak to Alberta about taking you out of your physical activities."
"There's patient confidentiality right?" I ask, she nods warily. "Then I don't want this news leaving this room, if I have a few months left then I'm going to spend it doing what I'd like, not here with pitying looks. I refuse." I say this strongly and I watch as she trying to fight back tears as the acceptance shines in her eyes. She knows there's no arguing with me.
"I'll get your release papers."
Walking back to my room I slam into someone. Realizing I've been zoned out I immediately begin to apologize.
"I'm so sorry," I look up to see the cold eyes of Eddie. "Are you okay?"
"Whatever." He turns back to Mia who is glaring at me with icy eyes.
"Hey, what's going on?" I ask as I grab his arm. He jerks away from me and I pull back like I've been hit.
"Nothing." He all but snarls.
"Well it's obviously something, tell me." I implore.
"You know what, it is something, it's you Hathaway. Mason is dead because of you and everything you touch seems to die. If he hadn't loved you like he did he never would have gone back in that house for you. You didn't deserve him. Because of you my best friend is dead. So yes there is a problem." He all but growls. My eyes widen and I take an involuntary step back.
"Leave us alone Rose, no one wants you here." Mia adds before she turns and walks away with Eddie on her arm. The moment of Mason's death flashes before my eyes and my heart shatters all over again. I knew it was my fault… I just… I just hadn't realized that Eddie… Mason's blank blue stare flashes in my mind and I know that Eddie is right.
Mason died because of me.
I don't know when I got to my room. I just realize I'm sitting on my bed numbly staring at the wall as the sun comes up. My time is limited. Four months. I have four months.
I smile bitterly. I'd be able to apologize to Mason soon enough.