7. He who masters himself

Dust danced on the air, suspended and vibrating, waiting. The Temple was immersed into a sphere of time, its ageless walls strong and inscrutable. A heavy silence filled it like a physical presence, heavily pushing against stone and skin alike. Light was not allowed in, nor was any outsider. Darkness covered the Temple's resting inhabitants like a reassuring caress, fresh and soft, a kiss of ice to keep away the nightmares.

Every guard and priest had their eyes closed, cradled by the eerie quietness around them. Ulrike was laying down on her bed in a deep slumber, her chest coming up and down ever so slowly with each breath she took.

Life was being quiet.

Spirits were being loud.

In the middle of the ceremonial hall, Shinou was the only figure standing, his blazing eyes focused on the altar, where crystalline water poured down the wall that opened into a Portal. His spiritual body was radiating energy in the form of spider's webs, slow but purposeful, knitting together over and into the entrance of the Portal. Over and over, Shinou took, directed and connected powerful life force to expand, to grow, to keep the Portal open. He kept both his arms open, as if he could keep the link between dimensions open by sheer physical force.

Ulrike's breathing became yet slower, her life flowing out her body, called by Shinou. He knew he was sacrificing the maryoku of everybody within the walls of the Temple, but it was necessary. Every choice was a sacrifice by definition, and this was no exception. There were bigger concerns, and keeping a lingering connection with Yuuri Shibuya was one of them.

Time was running.

.

.

Sven flinched, looking away from Wolfram. By his side, his older brother Alois signed deeply. They both exchanged a look before turning to the scene unfolding in the room before them.

They were in Waltorana's office at Bielefeld Castle. After two and a half days of riding and sending search parties along the way, they had finally arrived feeling somewhat tired and completely soaked.

The first one to see them coming had been Alois, Sven's older brother. Just like Sven, Alois was under Waltorana's protection, and having grown in the Castle, he had decided to pledge his loyalty to Bielefeld by joining their army. His skills, talent and complete obedience under military discipline had turned him into Waltorana's right hand.

"No!" shouted Wolfram, smashing his fist on the table, "And I won't stay here losing time over-"

"You will stay here, actually" said Waltorana on his iciest. "And you will do what is right".

"How… how can you say that?" Wolfram exhaled clearly altered, turning his back to the men in the room. With a frustrated sigh, he ran his hand through tussled blond hair, his eyes fixed on the only window in the room.

Alois nodded and walked closer, next to the desk between Waltorana and Wolfram. With a swift gesture, he unfolded one of the many letters signed by Lady Cecile's pretty handwriting.

"Read this Wolfram" said Alois simply, not without sympathy.

"I have read them" shot Wolfram back, remembering the shock and disbelief that had danced over his face as he went through sheet after sheet of paper. Each letter addressed to different nobles, dignitaries and leaders in and outside Shin Makoku, each one with the same message, just different promises, different threats. And answers to those letters too, the older one from a year ago. A year, this has been going on for a year.

When Wolfram turned to look at Alois, his emerald eyes meet fresh green ones in a silent undefined contest.

"Boys stop, this is not the time" growled Waltorana, still sitting behind the desk.

Sven gulped audibly and took a few steps to stand besides Wolfram, a gesture that Alois noticed but didn't comment.

"Of course sir" he said instead.

Wolfram closed his eyes for a moment, then turned to look at his uncle again, his voice even and focused.

"Who has read this letters?"

"Only the four of us" answered Waltorana.

Three more of what I´d have liked, thought Wolfram. "We will not talk about them again, nor will those letters leave this room" decided the young lord.

"We won't do that." hissed Waltorana. "We are talking about high treason here. Treason, Wolfram. Just like it would be treason to hide the letters".

"I have heard you out uncle, and I have made a decision".

Waltorana looked outraged and stood up.

"Watch your-"

"Don't presume you can tell me to watch my words" Wolfram cut him off. He was shivering, but hoped his voice wouldn't waver. Not now that he needed to stand his ground or his mother would be condemned. "Last time I checked, I was the only Lord here. I am the head of Bielefeld and I have made a choice".

"You spoiled child!" declared his uncle in disbelief, slamming his open palm on the desk in anger.

Silence fell over them like a curtain of ice.

Sven gulped again, not daring to raise his eyes but lightly, very lightly reached out to brush his hand to Wolfram's in a supportive and very subtle gesture. It was something they would do when they were kids, but if Wolfram noticed or not, he would never know, because he took a step to the front, facing his furious uncle.

"This is my mother we are talking about. Our previous Maou. If someone is loyal to Shin Makoku, that is her. Someone is setting her up, and I will prove it. I will find her, and then you will beg her forgiveness for what you have said today".

Waltorana looked into his familiar emerald eyes before shifting his eyes to the letters.

"This is a mistake".

"I will hear no more…"

"You must" insisted his uncle. "Because apparently you have chosen this particular time to play the 'Lord' card with me. Very well, but listen very carefully my lord, this letters prove beyond doubt that Lady Cecile was stirring a rebellion against His Majesty".

"They are fake…"

"Maybe so" conceded Waltroana. "But till we are sure, are you willingly to put His Majesty's life in danger?"

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it" said Alois, crossing his arms over his chest, his voice deep and sure. "All this letters are designed to stir up rebellion, but is not only your mother involved on this…"

At those words Wolfram looked fierily at the brunette.

"…there are others, the people to whom this letters were sent to, all of whom are in very powerful positions. We even have some answers of those who agreed to meet with her months ago".

"You can keep saying this letters are fake" said Waltorana, a tired edge on his voice. "But if you really want to find your mother, this is the best lead. Someone could have wanted to remove her from their planning, in which case, the culprit of your mother's disappearance is…"

"…one of the nobles she was contacting" finished Wolfram feeling light headed. He looked down at the letters, running the tips of his fingers over them.

"Exactly" said Alois, a cold grin on his lips.

"If this letters are real, then His Majesty is in grave danger. If you decide to keep this letters hidden, we could prevent your mother's shame but will be just as guilty as her if someone attacks our king".

"If, would-have, could-have" recited Wolfram, looking up, feeling a tight knot in his throat. "We know nothing for sure".

Waltorana sat down again. "You think you are wise enough to take on the role of Lord of Bielefeld and decide our fates, so be it. Chose, but chose knowing all the risks. Chose wrong, and our king dies. Yuuri, dies".

"Or we die, as traitors" added Alois in a low, angry voice.

Wolfram licked his dry lips with a quick pass of his tongue, his heart beating its way out of his chest. This was too much to take in, but somehow he had to make a choice. And it all came down to two paths: his mother, or Yuuri.

"Hide the letters… for now. I will seek out those nobles whose names are on the letters. If I can't find her or if I don't return, then you are to send those letters to Gwendal".

Waltorana nodded, taking the letters that were over the table and folding them neatly again. Wolfram watched him do it, an empty void in his chest, his mouth impossibly dry.

"If the letters prove to be real, you will find your mother" said Sven somewhat helplessly to Wolfram.

"If the letters prove to be real, my mother will be condemned as traitor" answered Wolfram, turning around and leaving the room.

.

That night, Wolfram had dinner with his uncle and his protégées, Sven and Alois. Everyone was courteous, and no one mentioned the letters. After that, Wolfram excused himself and was about to go to his bedroom, when Sven half tried to stand up, no doubt hoping to follow him, but Alois's subtle but strong hand kept him in place. Wolfram feigned ignorance and walked out. He couldn't deal with Sven's puppy-crush right now.

He reached his bedroom and locked the door behind him. Putting a hand over his eyes, and for the first time that day Wolfram let his knees shake, his body tremble.

No.

In a couple of days his world had turned upside down, somehow there were shadows all around whispering treason and betrayal, loss. He knew his mother would never betray everything she believed in, she had no reason to do so. It was impossible. Yet he was not stupid nor blind, those letters were written on her handwriting, he would recognize it anywhere. And where was Yuuri in all this? Was he even back yet?

A sob fought its way up his throat, remembering the shameful reason that had made Yuuri run away from Shin Makoku –no, from him.

He walked down to his bed, and taking off his clothes, fell on it. His mother or Yuuri? Had he helped hide a conjure against his king? Were those letters fake and he was losing time to rescue his mother, or were those letters real and Yuuri's time was running out?

First of all, he was a soldier.

First of all, he was a son.

He was so confused, and the only thing he could do now was… be angry. Be angry because this had been hard enough as a rescue mission, but now he had to keep a possible attack on Yuuri hidden from Gwendal. At least Conrad was there, his loyalties were not divided, and he would protect Yuuri.

Groaning and ignoring the familiar thug on his heart, Wolfram turned on bed. He needed sleep, tomorrow he would leave on first light: he had nobles to interrogate.

The dream came like waves over a sandy shore. Just like last time, it was a swift of natural cadence closing his eyes to sleep and opening them again on that Place.

Wolfram looked around on the familiar fire sphere, surprised but not scared. He knew this place, he had been here before.

Knock.

He turned to the sound, and a smile appeared on his lips. He knew who was on the other side of the fire wall. He ran and placed his open palms over the familiar warmth of fire, knowing he couldn't get burn by his own power.

"Yuuri?"

"Wolfram!" answered the dear, familiar voice.

Wolfram closed his eyes, resting his forehead on the barrier between them. He was dreaming again, he realized. He couldn't help it and chuckled, thinking that he should have serious issues if this was the best dream he could come up with Yuuri in it. Always separated, even in his own fantasies.

"Where are we?" asked Dream-Yuuri.

"I think… we are in my dreams"

"This is not a dream" he sounded so sure, thought Wolfram, it was endearing.

"I am sleeping now" said Wolfram amiably.

"So am I" confirmed Dream-Yuuri, slowly. "But this is not quite… dreaming. We are talking".

"I miss you" said Wolfram, still smiling, safe on the knowledge that this was nothing but a dream in his head.

A heartbeat.

"I miss you too"

Of course only Dream-Yuuri would acknowledge missing him back with such a deep voice.

"I wish I could see you…" whispered Dream-Yuuri in a low, careful voice so very unlike himself.

Opening his eyes, Wolfram looked at the flickering fire wall again. Through it, he could just make out Yuuri's silhouette. Biting his lip in thought, the pushed his hand harder into the wall… it wasn't easy. After the initial layer of fire, there was a strange in-between substance that pressed on tightly around his skin, preventing any escape from this fire refuge. Suddenly he felt nauseous, and his instincts shouted 'wrong'. He was not supposed to go through, it would be dangerous.

But, thought Wolfram looking up, this was a dream. So he pushed further, and then something gave in and his whole arm was sucked in. A yell was stuck in his throat the second someone held his hand.

"Wolf?" asked Dream-Yuuri's surprised voice, and he pulled, trying to pull Wolfram's body through those natural limits too.

It was over in a second, but it was painful. It was as if Wolfram's skin was being pushed back his bones, a freezing cold throwing him away from the safety of his own fire into something else, something so completely different it could only be his natural opposite.

Then Deam-Yuuri's arms were around him, his eyes open wide, speechless.

"Wolf" said Dream-Yuuri in wonder.

Wolfram would be glad to see him, even in this bizarre dream, but the nausea would not go away. This all felt wrong, and the cold still lingered on his legs and arms, though the worst of the pain had stopped.

So instead of talking he put his arms around Dream-Yuuri, pressing his face against his chest. He inhaled and relaxed with the familiar smell of his Yuuri.

Wolfram could feel Dream-Yuuri gulp.

"You said you wanted to see me" half joked the blond, not letting go.

They stayed like that a few minutes (or hours, it was hard to say in that Place).

"Are you all right, safe?" asked Dream-Yuuri suddenly.

"Yes" answered Wolfram, not caring what weird questions Dream-Yuuri had at the moment.

"Are… are you sure?" and at that, Dream-Yuuri actually tightened his hold on him.

Wolfram couldn't help it, he smiled.

"I am a bit cold" he confessed.

A second of hesitation, then Dream-Yuuri actually started moving one of his hands up and down slowly over Wolfram's back.

"Stay safe, stay home. Wait for me, I will find a way to be there soon, I will protect you all" insisted Dream-Yuuri.

"Mmhm…" agreed Wolfram.

Dream-Yuuri sighed with relief.

"This dream… is not that bad" whispered Wolfram looking up, still on Dream-Yuuri's arms.

Dream-Yuuri actually blushed, chuckling embarrassingly.

"This is not a…"

"Quiet" murmured Wolfram, and thinking that he deserved some reward after days of riding, dealing with secret conspiracies and crazy uncles, he leaned forward to claim those lips he so adored.

In a normal dream he would have gotten his kiss.

But of course life was never easy, not even inside his head.

Dream-Yuuri gasped and took a step backwards, pushing Wolfram away and blushing furiously.

"No-no-no Wolf-"

Wolfram was left standing, feeling humiliated. And even if this wasn't real, it stung. Because damn it, he deserved a kiss at least.

Dream-Yuuri looked away, looking supremely embarrassed for someone that didn't exist.

"Wolfram what were you thinking?"

Wolfram frowned, blushing too.

"This is my dream, isn't it? Is a kiss too much to ask for?"

Dream-Yuuri looked up again, met his eyes then quickly looked down again. He seemed utterly mortified.

"I know… I know I will never have you, not the real you" whispered Wolfram, and he didn't know why he was explaining himself to someone who only existed in his brain, but somehow he couldn't stop. Once the first word was out of his lips, the next came behind and suddenly it was a river of words and feelings pouring out of his heart. "For years I have known it, even when I gave you that thrice damned ring, I knew you would never… But is hard to stop myself from trying, is nearly impossible to look at you and not-not…" and suddenly that familiar and loathed pull on his heart was back, and it hurt to say those words that had been left to rot, unsaid but never forgotten.

Dream-Yuuri was looking at him with wide eyes, didn't even seem to be breathing.

Wolfram laughed sadly then, "I love you Yuuri Shibuya, with what's left of my heart, knowing this feeling won't ever be returned, I will forever love you. I will be loyal to you, fight for you. I will kill for you, die for you. I will even live for you, Yuuri, I will be the friend you need, I will give you counsel when you need it and… and when you find a bride, I will move aside, and as much as it kills me I will see you on your wedding day and I will smile to you, because I love you too much to not do it. I love with too much to be anything but what you want me to be, what you need me to be. I know it, I have always known!"

Dream-Yuuri took a step closer, unsure, then another. Wolfram had a moment to realize there were unshed tears on Yuuri's eyes before the black haired man took him into a passionate embrace, melting his body into Wolfram's with such raw tenderness it brought new tears to his eyes. Wolfram started sobbing, clinging to Dream-Yuuri's shoulders desperately.

"You will never be mine, b-but I am all y-yours" said Wolfram between sobs, "Have been yours for years, and I… I don't regret anything, I love you Yuuri… I love you, love you so much"

Wolfram bit his lip, trying to control the tears that he had been fighting for years, the worlds that even in dreams he had never said before.

"Please… this is my dream, this is safe. I deserve this, if only here… I deserve it"

Yuuri looked intently into his eyes, not saying a word.

"Kiss me" urged Wolfram, furious and hurt, completely and insanely in love.

Yuuri's eyes were a bottomless dark voids, liquid power, a beautiful soul looking at him… and Wolfram leaned closer, pulled by it. He closed his eyes

He kissed Yuuri Shibuya.

And Yuuri kissed him back.

It was beautiful and it hurt more than words could ever express.

He brushed his lips on Yuuri's for a moment, basking on the sensation of being allowed to feel, to taste, to take. Oh how much he loved this perfect man.

Wolfram parted his lips to nibble on Yuuir's lower lip, softly, sensually. Give in. Pressing his body against Yuuri's, Wolfram bathed on their warmth, on the feel of Yuuri's arms around him, on the scent that was so uniquely his, and poured every ounce of his love into each gesture and action. Please give in to me. The kiss was chaste for a few minutes, but then Wolfram knew he needed more. Yuuri shivered and sighed at the sensation of Wolfram's tongue lightly tasting him for the first time, and unknowingly opened his mouth. Reaching up and placing one hand on the side of Yuuri's face, Wolfram aligned himself to explore those beloved lips and mouth with kisses and caresses. It was far beyond anything Wolfram could have hoped for, it felt wonderful and it soothed every pain and ache on his soul. Shyly, Yuuri mimicked his movement, licking Wolfram's lower lip, which send a flash of pleasure that left his knees weak for a moment. Yuuri tasted him to his heart's content, before venturing into his mouth to deepen the kiss. Wolfram melted, and sucked on Yuuri's tongue. Yuuri actually jumped at that, a gasp escaping his parted lips that send a thrill down Wolfram's spine. It was perfect, and so Wolfram went for more. Wolfram went for his neck, placing small kisses along the line of neck, jaw, to his ear, and when he lightly bit on Yuuri's lobe, he could hear him moan. It was delicious, the most wonderful sound he had ever heard. Wolfram felt drunk on Yuuri, his hands exploring Yuuir like a blind man. His back, his sides, and when he leant in for another deep kiss, ferociously conscious that he could never have enough of Yuuri's kisses, he let one hand go under Yuuri's shirt, pressing it to his stomach, feeling him shiver. Moving it up, pulling Yuuir's shirt up with it, Wolfram opened his hand, his palm flat over his chest, feeling Yuuir's strong beating heart down his hand, pounding blood in rhythm with Wolfram's own heart, and wasn't that just perfection?

Yuuri then looked straight into his eyes, breathe quick and erratic, his eyes glassy, and with a sort of lustful abandonment, he did what Wolfram had just done… he let his hand go under Wolfram's shirt, and the moment Wolfram felt Yuuri's hot and rough hand over the cool skin of his waist he couldn't help but hiss. Yuuri leaned, his tongue now demanding entrance on Wolfram's mouth who was just delighted to oblige, while Yuuri's hand moved up his stomach to his chest, to rest it over his heart.

Feeling light-headed, Wolfram pulled back a little. This was too much, too real.

Breathing unsteadily, feeling his skin hot and flushed, Wolfram looked up into Yuuri's black eyes and realized something.

"This is not a dream, is it?" he asked for the first time, his voice uneven, hushed.

Yuuri looked straight into his eyes and shook his head.