Scarce

by Cheryl W

Set 3rd Season: After Irresponsible and John's wild west gunfight with Kolya, John tags along on Major Lorne's boring supply mission but it turns anything but boring when savage beasts chose them as their next prey. No Slash.

8. Destiny

Scarce

Author: Cheryl W.

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Chapter 8: Destiny

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Ronon had his feet braced a few feet from the cliff's edge, vine tightly gripped in both his hands as he levered Sheppard's weight up the mountainside, found from one second to the next that he was staggering backwards, as the weight he bore inexplicably and ominously vanished. Losing his footing totally, he came crashing down onto the forest floor. Heart pounding in his chest with dread, Ronon began urgently crawling on all fours to the cliff edge even as he heard Rodney's terrified scream of "Sheppard?!"

Even as Rodney screamed his friend's name, he ran for the bottom of the cliff, as if he could catch the falling man. He contemplated trying even if his attempt only softened John's fall, broke every bone in his own body doing it. If he saved Sheppard from dying, he'd call it worth it. But then John Sheppard did his usual stubborn, miraculous save, I'm-too-stubborn-to-die thing and his scrabbling hand found a hand hold on the rock face, brought his fall to a jarring but wonderful halt.

Only to lose his grip and resume his plummet seconds later.

Having done some climbing, even free solo climbing, John knew where to seek hand holds, course he didn't have to usually find them while falling! So his fingers scrapped along the sharp granite, desperately seeking purchase, found and lost one grip and then his opposite hand caught on a thin outcropping of ledge, smaller than a pencil circumference. But it held, course it had to be his right hand to coincide with his wounded, weakened, right shoulder. So there he was holding his entire weight on a trembling damaged arm, fiery agony racing from his shoulder to his hand, with a minuscule fingertip grip with only a nasty drop to look forward to if his muscle gave out on him or the rock face crumbled under his feeble hold. 'Kolya is probably laughing his head off in the hereafter watching this' ran though John's head as he hung there, one arm straining as his fingers dug into the small crevice while the rest of him dangled precariously fifty feet off the ground.

Ronon nearly dove over the cliff in his haste to see down the cliff, then watched in horror as John stopped his fall only to lose his grip. Fought to not close his eyes, wishing to not see his friend fall to his death but he forced himself to watch, to honor John's bravery to the last. Felt weak-kneed relief when John found another hand hold, hung there and stayed this time. Then Major Lorne was repelling fast to John's location, reached John and coiled an arm around John's waist. At the reassuring sight, Ronon forced himself to leave the cliff edge, to trust John's wellbeing to others as he sought another vine to replace the broken one.

At the bottom of the mountain, Rodney saw the same thing Ronon did and sank to his knees and tried to not be sick, to remember to breathe as he watched helplessly as others helped his friend. Knew things were still bad but marginally better now that Lorne had arrived at John's location.

Lorne repelled down the vine quicker than he ever had before even with a harness, desperate to reach Sheppard before he lost his second grip like he had his first. It seemed to take him too long but then he was even with Sheppard. Swinging his vine to gain John's side, he maintained a one handed grip on his own vine while he pressed John to the rock face with his own body and wrapped his other arm supportively around John's waist. "Grab my line," he ordered, breath heaving, heart thudding hard in his chest, his bruised ribs sending out waves of pain.

Evan behind him, pinning him to the rock face, gave John some stability but he knew he could just as easily knock them both off the mountainside. And Evan's idea, it was even more dangerous for Evan. Face pressed against the granite, right hand holding on its mercurial grip, left hand still trying to find a hand hold of its own and failing, John wheezed out, "Can't. One vine couldn't take…my weight… alone. Both our weights…will snap your vine …really quick."

"Damn it, Colonel! Stop being so thick headed and grab the vine!" Evan snarled, afraid what John's delay might cost them. More than they were willing to pay.

Then Teyla was on John's other side, her hand reaching out, getting a death grip on John's tac vest as if she would hold him from falling by sheer willpower if need be. "John! We are here! Please do as the Major suggested."

"Can't. We'll both fall," John refuted, too spent to lift his head from the granite wall and look Teyla's way.

"John, please!" Teyla beseeched, angling closer to her leader and friend, contemplating the actions required to tie her own vine to John's tac vest, but didn't know how to do that one handedly.

Then Ronon called from above, "Heads up, I'm throwing down another vine!" And his aim, thankfully, was very good, had the vine drop to the left of Teyla who pulled her grip from John to grab the vine and swing it to John's free left hand. Like a man in quicksand, John latched greedily onto the vine with his left hand but found himself hesitant to let go with his right hand, that tenuous grip forged from his own strength somehow felt more secure than the vine. But this wasn't about his capabilities, it was about him not having to rely solely on his own waning strength, about trusting others, like he counted on them to trust him, in situations like his Kolya showdown and this here and now. Trust had to run both ways or it wasn't really trust at all.

Letting his fingers slip from the cliff face should have jarred John but it didn't, not when Evan and Teyla were there on either side of him, risking their lives by taking on his weight until he could do it himself. His hand trembled as he coiled it around the vine above his left hand and held on tight. Knew this was just step one in the next phase of things but he was exhausted and the adrenaline pumping though his system was fading, was surprised he had any left to expend really.

"Looks like I'll have to take McKay's advice now and do his beloved bowline knot since I'm down to doing this one handed," Evan pretended to grumble but in truth, he was elated that John hadn't fallen, well, all the way, that John was there for him to tie a new vine to.

"I won't tell him…. if you don't," John managed to shakily quirk back, eyes meeting Evan's as the man came to his right side and was reaching for the new vine with his right hand.

"That's a deal," Evan agreed before he went silent, struggled to get the vine, which was decidedly harder to move around than a rope into the right direction and lopes, especially one handed, dangling from a vine with his other hand.

Meanwhile, Teyla had secured her arm around John's waist, took a moment to lean her head against John's cheek. "I feared we had lost you," her voice trembling and breathless.

"Thought I'd hang around a while longer," John joked, heard Teyla's chuckle and felt he did a good thing eliciting it from her, felt her head shift against his cheek as she nodded.

"Don't ever stop doing that John. None of us could bear if we truly lost you." Yes, they had had scares before of losing him, but today, when John fell…in that moment she envisioned what her life would be like, all of their lives, would be like without John in it. It was a bleak vision. One she wanted no part of.

Stunned by Teyla's emotional declaration, John didn't have a comeback, shot Evan an embarrassed look but his second in command apparently wasn't done trying to do heart to heart talks with him either. "What she said, sir." Then before John could think how to react to that, Evan announced, "Knot's tied."

"Ah… yeah… good," Sheppard stammered, watched as Teyla raised her head from his cheek but met his eyes as if she needed to know he had heard what she had said, took it in all the connotations it was meant. But he wasn't ready for that, said instead, "Someone tell Ronon I'm ready to go again." Saw a flicker of disappointment in Teyla's eyes but she obeyed his wishes.

"Ronon, Colonel Sheppard is secured on the new vine. You can start to pull him up again."

"Ok," came Ronon's disembodied voice to the three climbers and McKay at the base of the mountain. Then a beat of silence fell before Ronon's baritone drolly recommended, "Sheppard, remember to hold on this time."

"Funny," John huffed out at his big friend's humor. Turning to Lorne who was practically glued to his side now, he insisted, "Told ya, next Leno."

"I'm starting to see it more and more," Evan allowed then John was hoisted up and he made sure he kept exact pace this time, was only a millimeter away from reaching out to him, would not let the man fall again, hated that it had happened the first time. Saw Teyla was adopting the same protective tactics on John's other side.

It was slow going and Rodney couldn't help watching the progress with his heart in his throat. Didn't know he was practically hyperventilating until he started to feel lightheaded, had to talk himself into a calmer state. "Sheppard didn't fall, well, not to his death. They have a new, hopefully stronger vine tied to him and since the Major had to tie it one handed…" here he smiled gloatingly. "Bet it's a bowline like I suggested." But then his gloating morphed back to worry. "Course I have read that there's been accidents with bowlines recently. They attribute it to the complexity of the knot and the probability of human error in completing it properly. I should have made sure the Major knew how to tie the bowline before I ever suggested it. If that knot comes undone…" here he stopped himself because his breathing was becoming shallow all over again at the prospect of John falling and this time not catching himself.

Rodney was thinking of repeating mathematical equations to quiet his mind when he watched John disappear over the lip of the cliff onto safety. He again sank down hard on the ground this time on his butt in relief. Didn't think his glycose levels were liking all the spikes to his anxiety planes.

Though John was reaching for the stable ground of the top of the mountain to pull himself up and over, Lorne gave him an undignified boost on his butt to propel him to stable ground. Then John was on all fours on the top of the mountain, didn't think his trembling limbs could even hold that position. But he didn't have to worry if they didn't hold because Ronon was there, not helping him to his feet but pulling him to his knees and then into a surprisingly desperate manly hug.

"Stop scaring years off my life, Sheppard," Ronon huskily commanded of his friend, one hand coming to cup the back of John's neck while his other arm held John. Lately Ronon had experienced too many times when he had thought he had truly lost his best friend: When John had been sucked into the Sanctuary, the Wraith feeding, the Kolya gunfight, today when the man's weight vanished from the rope and Rodney screamed John's name. And he found he needed, wanted, physical proof that his friend was whole, was not dead on the ground below like he feared when the line slackened, proof like an alive, uncomfortable John clutched in his arms.

"You don't get scared," John countered, not in defiance but puzzled correction, still not sure how this situation rated the Satedan hugging him but he put a hand on Ronon's back in a timid reciprocation of the man's affection.

Instead of being miffed at John's disbelief, Ronon laughed as he pulled back, but held John upright with grips on the man's shoulders. "You scare me on a daily basis, Sheppard." But then he mock whispered, "But that stays between the two us, ok?"

John numbly nodded, wasn't sure who had swapped out his stoic Satedan for this hearts and flowers guy. But before he could grill Ronon on security questions to see if he was the real Ronon, the man was using his considerable strength to carefully maneuver him back from the edge. Then Ronon was laying him onto the ground, even took the time to untangle his legs before gently lifting his head to tuck his jacket under it. "Rodney, don't forget Rodney," John reminded, wanted to do that before he passed out, though he knew they wouldn't forget one of their teammates any more than they had forgotten him on the many occasions he had gotten separated from his team.

"Don't worry, I'm sending my vine down for him now," Evan reassured his superior when, actually, the vine was already dangling near McKay's bowed head. Thought he'd have to shout down to get the man's attention but then the astrophysicist jerked to his feet, was hurriedly tying the vine to his own tac vest. Evan almost called down a warning to the doc in his haste to make sure he had the knot right but then he saw McKay slow down his motions, put true concentration into his rope/vine tying method. Then McKay called up, "I'm ready."

It wasn't nearly the nerve wracking experience it was with Sheppard. Namely because McKay could hold onto the rope, could actually climb up it if he had to, wasn't sporting injuries that were only exasperated by such maneuvers. When Lorne reached a hand out and pulled McKay to the top of the mountain, he expected a rambling tirade about how slow he had gotten McKay up there, that he should have secured the vine with a lever system. Instead, the man didn't even spare a moment for him, was instantly going to Sheppard's side where Teyla and Ronon were already stationed.

Teyla didn't need to remove John's tac vest to know his shoulder wound was bleeding again, the blood streaking down the front of the vest was entirely too much proof. Carefully she unzipped the vest and shifted it off his shoulder, her features became even grimmer at the soaked bandages not only at his shoulder but across his chest. She reached out to cup John's face, gently beckoned "John?" and the man's pain dulled eyes shifted from a forced focus of the sky overhead to her face. "You're bleeding again. I will need to change the bandages."

Swallowing hard so as to not do anything embarrassing like let out a moan of pain, he spoke when he had his reactions controlled, "How far's the gate?"

From his crouched position on Sheppard's left side, Ronon roughly reported, "Too far," self-recriminations in his tone. Wished he could pick John up and carry him to the gate, save his friend more pain and exertion but it was several miles and he knew he physically couldn't carry John that far, not in the planet's terrain, not with John bleeding so severely.

John gave a minute nod of his head, trusting Ronon's assessment. "'Kay. Guess we do the mummy thing again."

Teyla tilted her head in confusion, fearing John was delirious with pain and infectious fever. "Mommy? John, I do not…"

Having claimed a place to crouch down by John's legs, Rodney interjected, with sprinklings of scorn, amusement, and affection in his tone, "He's trying to be amusing. There are some movies about a scary dead creature wrapped entirely in bandages." Resting his hand on John's ankle as a way to connect with the man, he found himself touched that John used his strength to lift his head a little and look down his body's length to see him.

Letting his head fall back again to rest on Ronon's jacket, John taunted, "McKay, you're up here. Didn't hear any girly screaming as Lorne pulled you up," but it was hard to get the teasing biting tone right when he was fighting off waves of pain.

"Ha ha Colonel. At usual, you're not half as funny as you think you are," Rodney retorted but it poorly hid his relief that Sheppard was feeling up to trying to be funny.

"Half as funny means I'm still way more funny than anyone else on Atlantis," John quirked but it ended on a gasp of pain as he shifted, found that whatever aches and pains that had kept quiet on his trip up the mountain were now demanding to be heard. Ronon's big hand came to rest on his shoulder, stilling him as much as it was there to comfort him. Looking up into the faces hovering over him, Teyla and Ronon at his sides, Rodney at his feet and Lorne a few paces back, John knew he was flat out on his back but they were still waiting on his order, trusted him even then when their own lives were in greater risk because of his weakness. So he ordered, "Patch me up quick. Doesn't have to be Beckett worthy. We have a 'be home by dark' curfew."

Ronon nodded his head, Teyla gave him a worried but encouraging smile. He shifted enough to see Rodney's face go all fidgety worried while Lorne took another step back from the gathering on the ground, like he thought he was intruding. So John waved Lorne forward with his left hand as he said, "Evan…" using his first name, not willy nilly, but to establish the man wasn't just his 2nd, was his friend as well. Especially after all they had been through that day.

Coming to stand behind Ronon, Evan looked down into John's eyes, wished he could do something, offer some good news. Maybe ram the jumper through the trees to get to John, contact Atlantis for a med team, anything but watch the man be put through more pain, not just now but on their trek ahead to the gate. "Sir?" he questioned, standing ramrod straight, waiting for orders.

"It's John right now," Sheppard corrected but with affection. "Take a load off, Evan. I've wrangled us a breather."

Evan fought the notion of just sitting around, of him deserving a rest after another FUBAR of letting John fall on the mountain, nearly to his death. Intending to offer to scout ahead, he read the expression in John's eyes that were still locked on him even as Teyla was working to cut away the bandages on his chest. Sheppard wasn't blaming him, he was absolving him, for any perceived guilt he was harboring. More than that, he was telling him he belonged there with John and his team and Evan knew the honor that was.

A smile pulled onto Evan's scratched, stressed features and his stance shifted to an exhausted slouch. "Finally you call a rest. You're a harsh task master."

A matching smile emerged on John's lips. "Bite me…oh yeah, I already have been."

Rodney gave a choked snort and his voice cracked as he admonished, "Please don't joke about that."

Evan had to agree with the doc on that one. "Yeah, too soon, John. Way way too soon."

"You're all so delicate," John taunted but then he stiffened in pain as Teyla's ministrations snagged all of his attention.

A pained grimace contorted Teyla's features as she sorrowfully apologized, "John, I am very sorry for causing you great pain. The wound is much inflamed."

"It's just a little tender," John undersold for Teyla's benefit and the others gathered around him. But he met Teyla's eyes steadily, encouraged her, "Keep doing what you're doing. I'll try to be a better patient."

Teyla was going to refute John's claim that he was being a bad patient but Ronon snorted, sarcastically drawled, "Better patient? You?! Carson would be laughing his butt off hearing you promise something so far fetched."

"It's true," Evan agreed, smiled widely as John's eyes swung from searing into Ronon to trying to burn him alive. "Let me guess, this incident is going into my personnel file?"

"A file that's getting thicker by the minute," John joked back before he had to stifle a moan as Teyla pulled away the bandage on his chest and some dried blood had congealed enough to form a glue between the bandage, his chest and the claw wounds. He closed his eyes as he felt a wave of warmth under his skin, like he was toeing the line of passing out from the pain and general offness his body was experiencing.

For her part, Teyla fought down an Athosian curse as her removal of the bandages caused John pain and the wounds underneath to bleed in earnest. Hastily she pulled out another packet of clotting and tapped the fine powder along the lines of the ravaged skin on John's chest. Knew she was doing nothing to truly ease John's pain but right then she had to focus on his survival, on him not losing too much blood.

Helplessly, Rodney, Ronon and Evan watched John in pain. Each noted the array of bruises that were now visible down the entire length of John's chest and torso, the price of his tumble down the cliff with the beast. Evan's jaw clenched in commiseration. His own chest felt tight and his ribs were shooting pain from the beast's swat and his collision with a boulder, knew he'd be sporting bruises but John's entire body had taken the abuse, didn't doubt that John's leg, hips, would be likewise bruised like his chest. Add that muscle pain to his other wounds then being cinched up a mountain, falling, having to support himself one handedly. It made Evan's frustration spike even higher.

Having put the clotting powder in the chest wounds and Sheppard's shoulder wound, Teyla rose her eyes to Ronon. "I can not wrap his chest properly while he is lying down. Can you…" but she broke off as Ronon bleakly nodded, knew the man would do anything for John but this would cost him, putting John in pain to help him.

Though John's eyes were closed and his breathing was a little too fast, Teyla knew John was still conscious so she raised one of her blood stained hands to his cheek, her light touch enough to get him to open his eyes, see her. "John, I have no more pressure bandages so Ronon will lift and support you while I wrap bandages around your shoulder and chest to keep the wounds properly covered."

All John could manage was a "'kay" in agreement. Wasn't like he was up to boasting that he didn't need help, could sit up on his own, could forgo the new bandages when he had felt the saturated wetness of the one's Teyla had removed.

Shifting his position to be at John's head, Ronon gently slid his hands under John's shoulder and raised his friend up, slid closer to the wounded man until the left side of John's upper body was resting against his chest. He felt sick worry in his gut when John's head lolled limply against his collarbone, the man's eyes were tightly clenched shut, and his face was as pale as Ronon had ever seen it. Honestly Ronon didn't know where to put his hands, felt there wasn't any area the man wasn't hurt after seeing the bruises, the tears in Sheppard's uniform sleeves and pants he was starting to think were causalities from the woods that surrounded them. Deciding he had to simply choose a spot, Ronon slid his arm low around John's waist, hoping it didn't aggravate his friend's bruising too much.

"Rodney, can you please help," Telya asked and Rodney quickly came to John's other side, eager to help instead of simply being a useless spectator to John's pain. "Hold the bandage here," she instructed as she positioned the bandage over the front of John's shoulder. Rodney did as she asked even as she stood up, circled around John and Ronon to get access to John's back, to the punctures the Stiver's teeth had done to John's back. Wasn't surprised to see welling blood there as well but wasn't pleased by the sight. So she applied some of the clotting powder before covering the wound with a bandage then she ordered Rodney to hold that one too. Then she had the task of wrapping bandages around John's shoulder to hold the bandages in place, had to maneuver her hands and the bandages under John's shirt, not wanting to force John to remove his shirt, the movement would cause him pain not to mention she didn't want John any colder than he already was.

John tensed in Ronon's hold, found himself fisting some of Ronon's shirt in his left hand as Telya wrapped his shoulder. He knew it was necessary, heck she was doing it to save his life, didn't mean it felt good, that pressure, the jostling, Rodney's hands on the wounds, albeit as gentle as if McKay decided he was working on Atlantean wiring that might crumble in his grasp. Appreciated when someone broke the awkward silence of the medical drama they were involved him, him being cast as the reluctant star.

Claiming a seat on the ground by John's feet, Evan directed at John's team, "Tell me again how you knew we were in trouble?" though he knew Sheppard's team had never told him or John that information in the first place.

"Well, we're talking about Sheppard here," Rodney drawled and that earned him a muttered objection of "Hey" from John but it seemed more a whimper than an actual response with the man still limp in Ronon's arms, his eyes closed. Watched as Teyla tied off the shoulder bandages and then she focused her attention to Sheppard's chest wounds. Rodney felt a little sick at all the blood covering John's body but obediently held the bandages where she indicated. Carefully she slipped her arm between John and Ronon, began wrapping the bandages around John's chest to hold the bandages in place as well.

But Ronon knew Lorne wanted, even deserved a real answer to his question, and so did John. "When we couldn't find Sheppard, found out he had gone offworld with you without a word to anyone…" knew there was a tinge of reprimand, hurt coming through his tone by the way John stiffened in his arms. Glancing down at his friend, seeing the way John's face was shut down from showing any emotions, his eyes open now but fixed on a spot over the ridge, away from them and his weakness and Ronon's displeasure with him. But Ronon knew he didn't want John to think it was about anger, not all of it, was about fear, family most of all. So he confessed, "My gut said he was in danger. Rodney and Teyla sensed it too."

"Thank God for spidey senses," Evan replied earnestly, knew Sheppard had indoctrinated both Teyla and Ronon with his pop culture references because they seemed to get the comic book quip immediately.

"We were fine," John protested because he thought he should, though his words were coming out a bit breathlessly. "Lorne and I are no Mary Janes needing rescuing."

Looking incredulously at his friend, Rodney retorted, "Didn't need rescuing?! And what, that saber tooth tiger Ronon shot pouncing for you was just going to lick your face?!"

John was just formulating his comeback when Lorne did it for him. "Sheppard likes bonding up close and personal with the Alphas. I think it's a leadership, egomaniac thing," he taunted, wasn't disappointed when John managed to grunt out a "That's definitely going in your file" threat.

Trying to take heart at the banter going on, Teyla finished wrapping the bandage around John's torso and tied the ends in a knot, hated that John drew in a pained breath at the tightening. Was probably why she reached out, lightly traced his face with her knuckles, wanted to offer him gentleness to counter her touch of pain. "I am done, John."

"Good," John croaked out, the pain still firing up from his chest making breathing and talking a chore.

Though Teyla was done with her first aid, Ronon remained in place holding John, found he was reluctant to move the man, which certainly wasn't about him being loath to release his protective embrace of his friend. To have to uncoil John's hand from his shirt, to not have the reassuring beat of John's heart thudding against his chest, to remove the heat pouring off the man onto him. To know John was alive, was going to stay that way. That no animal's vicious attack would rob him of the person he valued most, his brother in all ways but blood.

So Ronon stalled the inevitable, continued to hold John who wasn't asking to be released, was weakly slumped against him, his hand crushing his shirt slightly less than before. "What's the plan?" he directed to Lorne, conceding that, with Sheppard out of the commission, command fell to the Major.

Startled but honored that the Satedan was trusting him when Sheppard was right there, Evan hoped he didn't let any of them down as he countered with a question of his own. "How far's the gate from this location?"

"Four miles and the forest has much underbrush and the trees grew very close together," Teyla reported, using some dirt to try and remove some of John's blood unreassuringly coating her hands. Didn't want the constant reminder of how gravely John was wounded to distract her now as she focused on getting back to the gate, getting John home.

"Maybe there's another path, a more open path than how we came?" Rodney ventured, remembered how many times he had shoulder checked a tree, felt a tad bit of his claustrophobia kick in which would have been worse if he hadn't had that whole 'worried about Sheppard' thing to distract him on their original trek to the cliff.

"It seemed the most direct route," Ronon pointed out.

"Ok, well, let's do some scouting to make sure we can't veer a little off course and get a better easier path," Lorne suggested was going to stand up and put his words into action but John spoke for the first time during their meeting.

"Let Ronon, Teyla and Rodney do that, you can stay here with me, keep me company," John suggested but Evan knew it was an order, knew his CO was doing it out of concern for his wellbeing after the beast knocked him around.

"I'm fine, good to scout around," Evan countered, wanted to do something useful, didn't need to be coddled, shouldn't be, not when John was grievously injured because of him.

Though John was off his game, he hadn't missed how pale his Second in command was, knew Evan had to have been hurt when he got knocked across the forest by the Alpha runner up, didn't do him any favors bearing his weight as well as his own on the rockface for those tense minutes until John had a new vine attached to him and then he had pulled Rodney up. And John might carelessly dismiss his own pain but never his friends' pain. Turning his head so he could lay eyes on Lorne, he drawled, "Don't think of it as babysitting, consider it bodyguarding me, you know, in case something wants to snack on me. Some more."

Put in that light, Evan took that protective responsibility with all seriousness. Turning to Sheppard's team, he assigned, "Alright, I'll stay with the Colonel. The rest of your do grids of one hundred yards apart from each other, go about seven hundred yards toward the 'gate and then come back. We'll compare notes, see if there's a better way to the gate then you came."

"Seven hundred yards….how many steps is that?" Rodney asked, seemingly trying to do the mental math in his head.

"We will pace each other and call out, you will know when to turn around and return here," Teyla placated him but no one moved, were averse to parting from John.

Of course it was John who put them into motion by trying to shift up from his perch against Ronon, to do something on his own that wasn't all about weakness. He didn't get far before Ronon was grabbing his trembling arm but this time John wasn't pulled back against the Satedan, instead Ronon was sliding out from under him, intending to settle him back onto the ground.

"I should sit up," John suggested but Ronon ignored him, carefully settling him on the ground, making sure John's head again came to rest on his bundled up coat.

Looking down at his friend and leader, Ronon smiled, "Like you said, Lorne will be here to protect you from anything scary." But then his eyes darkened with worry. "Rest while you can, Sheppard."

In John's head, he tacked on to Ronon's words, 'you're going to be slowing us down as it is, you passing out won't do us any good.' So he obediently nodded, knew he didn't want to be more of a liability to his friends. As if reading his thoughts, Ronon's eyes narrowed, his next words almost confirmed he was a psychic. "If you're beating yourself up about being hurt and in pain, stop. All we care about is getting you home and hurting you as little as we can doing it."

Touched by Ronon's concern, by the concerned not exasperated looks Teyla, Rodney and Evan were leveling at him, John hoarsely conceded, "I know, it just…."

"This sucks, like, really bad? Worse than all the paperwork you had to do when you were stuck back on Earth at Stargate Command all those months," Rodney supplied and John had to smirk. "Yeah, McKay. Like that."

"Thought so," Rodney smirked right back, glad to bring some levity to his friend since he was useless at easing any of John's obvious pain. After all, it was what John would do for him if the roles were reversed.

Then John commanded, "Get moving already. Not like I'm going anywhere." And that spurred his three teammates into action but they still spared him a worried look before they left that he didn't notice but Evan did.

Alone again with his commander, Even tightened his grip on his P90 and swiveled his look around the woods fronting the small clearing at the edge of the cliff where they were positioned.

Suddenly John was missing his own P90, didn't really remember how he had gotten separated from it. How was he supposed to reprimand his men for losing equipment when he was setting one heck of a bad example? "You're taking this bodyguarding thing too far. It was a joke," John pointed out at Evan's super vigilance.

"Not to me," Evan countered. "Not to them," jerking his head to the woods, to the team that had disappeared in its grasp.

"Even I'm not unlucky enough to be attacked by two animal species in the same day," John quirked, which had Lorne's lip quirk up without his permission and he drew his attention from the woods to his leader.

"If anyone could do it, it's you," Lorne quipped and John smiled like it was a compliment, proved as much the next second.

"Aw, that's going to go right to my head, Major," John drawled, was glad when Lorne settled the P90 back onto its tethered and sat back, losing some of his tension. Then they heard Teyla calling out to Rodney as she promised, heard Rodney's whiney comeback, "How come I got the worse trail?! I already ran into four spider webs, got my coat caught and ripped the sleeve…"

Ronon's voice bellowed, "Keep moving or we won't tell you when to turn around," which had Lorne and John exchanged bemused looks, especially when Rodney sniped back, "Fine but this route is way worse than the first one or either of yours, trust me."

"They seem like their usual well-oiled machine," Lorne commented dryly, didn't have to wait long for John's comeback.

"It's more like a hodgepodge of parts that work remarkably well together," John both praised and explained his team's particularities.

"That only you would have ever gotten to work well together," Evan proclaimed, John's ability to meld together people and see their true value was one of the first things Evan came to admire about his Commanding officer.

"You'd be lucky to have any one of them on your team, too bad I'm not sharing them anytime soon," John extoled his teammates without taking any credit for their skills.

Evan snorted at the very idea, said aloud what he was thinking, "Like they'd ever leave you. I think this whole thing proves that your Koyla showdown didn't diminish their devotion to you."

John shifted uneasily at the topic, gritted his teeth as pain flared everywhere at his motion before he lay still again, focused on evening out his breaths. He felt a measure of calm lent to him when Evan reached out and laid his hand on his leg right below his knee.

"Easy, John. Resting means not moving around too." But Evan knew it was partly his fault, that John would have already walked away from the conversation if he could have. Then they heard Teyla call out to Rodney again to turn around, knew the team was on their way back, that Evan had limited time alone with John. So he didn't beat around the bushes, blatantly proclaimed, "They came for you, John. Whatever….anger they expressed about how you killed Kolya, it clearly wasn't about them not trusting you."

Obvious to the pending return of his teammates, John dropped his voice, hissed back at Lorne, "Just because they don't want me dead…that doesn't mean I haven't damaged the trust they have in me."

Evan scowled at John's stubbornness to see how much he was valued, respected and trusted. And not just by his teammates. His frustration made his words terse as he bit out, "Honestly, sir, I don't think there's much you could ever do to lose their trust….except maybe give up on yourself and die on them." And then he stood up, walked to the edge of the woods as Ronon came out of the forest first, followed by Teyla and then a grumbling McKay who did have a torn jacket sleeve, leaves in his hair and was sneezing.

"So how's it look?" Evan asked.

Ronon reported first. "Better now that I cleared some of the thicket, might be the way to go. Trees aren't so close."

"Well we don't all carry a sword Conan," Rodney acidly drawled, then, at the arch of the Major's eyebrow, supplied testily, "As my appearances attests to, my path is not conducive to a nice hike through the woods."

"My way had many downed trees," Teyla supplied without prompting by Lorne.

"Ok, then Ronon's way it is. Let's give the Colonel a few more minutes then we'll move out," Evan announced.

From the ground, John tilted his head back to view his teammates from his position, interjected, "The colonel is right here and we can move out now." But it was like he was speaking to himself. No one paid him any attention.

"Teyla, you'll take point again and I'll bring up the rear. Ronon, can three abreast make it through the pathway?"

"Will be tight some places but its doable."

"Ok, then you and McKay will help the Colonel. It will do all of you some good to rest a bit now too."

"But we must not tarry," Teyla stressed, eyes holding Lorne's and he knew it wasn't about the night bringing out more creatures. No, it was about John needing medical attention, that they couldn't afford to lose their way in the dark and not get him to the gate as soon as they could. He nodded in agreement and saw the relief in her eyes that she didn't need to speak aloud her concerns. What they were all thinking was bad enough.

STAGSTAGSTAG

Ronon's path might have been "the way to go" but it wasn't a lot of fun, especially for Sheppard. It took all he had to bite back sounds of pain as their three man relay race of him, Ronon and Rodney turned and contorted themselves to make it through the dense forest. It was instantly noticeable when they passed the point of Ronon's original scouting mission and started to be choked by underbrush to trip them and dangling vines to snag them.

It instigated a change of formation. Teyla took Ronon's spot at John's side while Ronon used his sword to good use hacking a path forward. It was slow going but John didn't mind the pace. His feet barely shuffling across the forest floor, his head down, chin resting on his chest, eyes closed because blurry vision wasn't much vision and feeling disconnected from his own body and things going on around him. It felt like a last leg on a journey he'd traveled but had never gotten this far down before.

Remembered Trevor Holland at the end, how he had told John to leave him behind, save himself, had told John he had done good, that he wasn't letting him down. That he didn't want John to die with him. But John wouldn't listen, hoisted Trevor into a fireman's carry when the man couldn't walk another step, was determined to save him, vowed to walk across all of Afghanistan if he had to, cut down as many hostiles as stepped in his path. Was so caught up in believing in his determination to get Holland back home, he nearly missed his friend's last words wheezed out as he carried him over his shoulders.

"I'm done, John. I'm good with going."

Stumbling to a stop, John had turned his head to see his friend's face resting on his shoulder and knew Trevor was gone. That he could try to get his friend's heart to beat again, breathe air into his lungs, to try and drag him back to life…but it was futile. Trevor had put up the fight of his life and then surrendered on his own terms. Didn't give their enemies the satisfaction of seeing the light go out in his eyes, to make his last words a plea for his life. He died as he lived. Making his own stand and graciously accepting when a stronger hand than his own guided his path.

As much as John wanted to put Trevor down, mourn him properly, hell, fall apart, he knew he couldn't. Not if he wanted to get his friend home, for a proper burial, to return his friend to his wife and his two brothers and his father. He owed him that at last.

In that he had not failed his friend.

Unbidden, John felt the tears he hadn't let fall back then silently slide down his clenched eyes now. For Trevor, for his friend's family, for himself. For the people John had lost since coming to Atlantis. Who trusted him with their safety, their lives and he had instead watched them die. Had to pretend they were acceptable losses when they weren't. He would save them all if he could but his trek with Trevor had taught him that he wasn't everyone's savior, sometimes wasn't anyone's savior. Was just a soldier who wanted to win and not sacrifice anything in the process.

Like he had wanted to win against Koyla and not sacrifice anything. But he had lost something in that victory and he knew it and it hurt. Like hell. Everything came at a cost, sometimes too high to pay. But that was the hand he had dealt for himself, when he enlisted in the Air Force, joined covert operations, stepped through the Stargate for the first time. This was the path he was on, had chosen, like Trevor had chosen his path long before that Afghani dessert was the last sight he saw.

Catching sight of the tears tracking down John's features, Teyla felt shaken to her core at the sight, worriedly called out, "John?" bringing their motion to a stop. "Are you in too much pain? Shall I give you some morphine?" she asked, stepping in front of him, her hands gently cupping his face.

John kept his eyes closed, his head down but lowly ground out, "No, keep going." Because he wasn't where Trevor was, couldn't say he was done, good with going. He wanted to live, wanted to get out of this forest, to stay with these people he loved more than he ever remembered loving his father, his brother, nearing the fervently way he had once loved his mother in his boyish memories.

Not wanting to infringe on John's personal barriers when she didn't know if her touch was comforting or not, Teyla dropped her hands, gave a look to Rodney, to Evan behind John, felt Ronon at her back. All of them at a loss to know what was best for John.

For Rodney's part, he didn't have a clue how to deal with a John who allowed tears to track down his face, didn't think …didn't know….had no mathematical equation to assign him his next step. Was as uncertain as he'd ever remember being so he let not his brain but his heart dictate his actions. He reached up, put his hand on the top of John's bowed head and leaned close, his eyes on John's profile and his words gentle, tinged with emotions that made them crack, "Screw the dark. We can camp out here. I forgot the marshmallows but I know some camp songs. Ok, I didn't go to camp but…I understand the songs are traditional tunes." Hoping John understood his meaning, that he didn't have to be strong, not for them, that if he needed a break, they'd sit there in the dark with him all night. That whatever he needed, they would do it for him. They weren't going anywhere without him.

It got a thready chuckle from John. Rodney McKay hated camping, hated the woods, really hated the woods at night but he'd bear it all for him, if he said he needed a rest, couldn't go on. Rodney would put himself in hell just so John wasn't. It gave John the strength to open his eyes, meet Rodney's worried gaze. "I appreciate the offer, Rodney." Let that sink in as Rodney nodded, waited for his answer, as they all waited for his answer. "But I can make it…if you help me."

It was Ronon who declared, eyes holding John's. "You don't have to ask for our help. It's yours. Always."

Teyla affirmed, "We're not going anywhere without you."

"Or letting you ditch us," Rodney put in, a little bit of reprimand still in his tone.

Then Evan closed up ranks, came to John's side. "I vote we have a redo on your vacation day next month, except let's not spend it starring in a creature feature."

John's smile was tired but genuine as he agreed, "Less teeth and claws more women in bathing suits sounds like a fair compromise."

Evan smiled back, joined by John's teammates. "I'll put it on your calendar, Colonel."

"You do that," John agreed before he took in the concerned faces around him, knew they were still waiting for his consent to continue their trail of tears. Knew that while he had done all he could to save Trevor, his friend's life was destined to be lost. And his own, it was destined to be reclaimed in another galaxy, with a geek, two space aliens and a fellow soldier. His life wasn't over, had been threaded with the lives of these people, he wasn't just a solitary man like Johnny Cash sang about, he was a part of something stronger than he ever could be on his own. "Ronon, get the woods outta our way. I can't see the gate from here but I can practically smell the Atlantis' sea."

Teyla's smile brightened even as Rodney smirked and Ronon huffed and Lorne clapped a hand on John's uninjured shoulder before falling back to flanking position. Then they moved out, not as a unit but as a family heading home after a not so awesome vacation.

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

TBC?

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

I guess I could end it here but I'd feel cheated not getting John home and having Carson patch him up then there's his team fussing over him as he recovers plus there's the emotional wrap up to do yet. Ok, so all that is the part I love best, the whole reason I tortured and maimed the man in the first place, so yes, more story will follow. Whew, had to work through my reasons to not end the story here. So, all that to say...Hope you stay tuned.

Thanks again for all the love my reviewers have shown this story!

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.