Scarce

by Cheryl W

Set 3rd Season: After Irresponsible and John's wild west gunfight with Kolya, John tags along on Major Lorne's boring supply mission but it turns anything but boring when savage beasts chose them as their next prey. No Slash.

11. Long Way Around

Scarce

Author: Cheryl W.

Author's Note: I'm finally back with another chapter! Again, not a doctor so don't take offense to any laugh out loud stupid medical inconsistencies but I had fun writing this anyways…like I enjoy watching medical dramas.

SGATSGATSGATSGATSGATSGAT

Chapter 11: Long Way Around

SGATSGATSGATSGATSGATSGAT

As he stalked away from the infirmary, Rodney grumbled under his breath, "Well that was truly a 'watch what you wish for' moment! I wanted the idiot to wake up, talk to me and he does and what are his first words to me? "I don't need you,"" Rodney mimicked in a childish taunting voice. "Which translates to "Am scram, Get Lost, I rather talk with Major Suckup Yes Sir," who consequently let Sheppard be a chew toy for those stiver things! I'm the one who saved him…well, me, Teyla and Ronon. But is he grateful?! Nnnnnooooo." He turned a corner and saw that Teyla and Ronon were making their way back to the infirmary. He groused out in greeting, "We're not needed so you might as well head to bed."

Teyla frowned in confusion. "Not needed. I do not understand. Has John…" fear whitening her features.

"He's awake, could spare the time to talk to Major Lorne but couldn't be bothered to say ten words to me," Rodney waspishly reported was going to pass right by his friends but Ronon put a meaty paw on his shoulder, ok it was a light touch but it still had Rodney stopping and huffing out in agitation. "He ordered you two to get some sleep." When Teyla and Ronon were still looking at him with confusion, he snapped. "Sheppard. He ordered, so you jump to do his bidding, right?! That's what you military types do." Because maybe that was why Sheppard booted him out, talked to Lorne not him, that he wasn't soldier enough for him, didn't snap him a salute every time he entered a room, that John's palling around with the Major today reminded Sheppard of what he liked about working with military disciplined soldiers who jumped at his orders, unlike certain civilian astrophysicists who questioned him on occasion, when it was prudent to think for himself.

"Military types, Rodney you are not making much sense," Teyla strived to read between the lines of Rodney's agitation. He was telling her good news about John it seemed but his tone, it implied something else.

Apparently Ronon was reading the same mixed messages Teyla was for he bluntly asked McKay, "Sheppard woke up, talked to Major Lorne, isn't that good news?"

"Well of course it is!" Rodney snapped, wondered how Sheppard could grumble out three words and Teyla and Ronon knew exactly what he wanted them to know and him, he could use half the dictionary and they were still looking at him like he had spoken to them in binary code.

Ronon and Teyla exchanged a look then in synch moved away from Rodney and continued down the hallway toward the infirmary with a little more urgency then they had originally been using. Both knowing that seeing John for themselves would be more settling than getting a better explanation from McKay.

Watching as his teammates headed the way he told them not to, McKay called out, "That's the wrong way. Sheppard ordered you to get some sleep." But the two Pegasus galaxy natives didn't bother to reply back to him and he stood there, hesitant. "Wait for me!" then he jogged to catch up to them, didn't know what he'd say to John when he reappeared, maybe he would stay out of the man's line of sight, after all he wasn't needed. But darn it, he needed Sheppard. Needed Sheppard's friendship and he'd eat as much crow as Sheppard wanted him to until they were on good terms again.

But as he, Teyla and Ronon entered the infirmary, Rodney forlornly wondered if he'd get the chance to patch up his friendship with John.

Whereas he had left the infirmary in quiet calmness, it was now loud, taunt with urgency and there was the terrifying sight of blood. Deep red blood splattered on John's white bed sheets, coating John's lips and chin, spraying out when John coughed like he was choking, apparently on his own blood.

Carson was there by John's side, bracing John against his own chest, keeping the choking man upright so he wouldn't lay back and suffocate from the blood pooling in his mouth. He was barking out orders to the nurses on the other side of the bed who were quickly unhooking IV lines and cords and lead wires. Then John and his entire bed were wheeled past his friends toward the surgery suite.

Numbly Rodney trailed after Sheppard and his entourage, "No no no…he was fine! He was awake! This is wrong!"

Ronon snaked an arm around Rodney's chest holding the other man back from blindly storming past the surgery doors. But he didn't say anything comforting to his upset friend, couldn't, not when he felt as shaken as the scientist. Sure, Sheppard had had a bad time of it but he was getting better, he wouldn't have left him even at Beckett's order to grab food if he had thought Sheppard was in danger of….well this. This ….Ronon didn't want to qualify what this was, except it seemed bad. Was certainly unfair. Made him furious and scared and helpless.

"Come let us sit," Teyla tried for a reassuring tone for her friends but knew it wasn't coming out right. How could she be a comfort to Rodney and Ronon when she could find none in her own soul. John choking up blood…it was a thousand times worse to see than the bloody, ravaging wounds she had treated on his body today. Maybe because in her village, at that occurrence, blood coming from their mouth, chocking them, there had never been any hope. A life would be lost and there was nothing she could do but stay with them until they succumbed to death. She needed to believe Doctor Beckett could prevent that from being John's fate, that all of Atlantis' technology, all of earth's resources, could save John's life.

Releasing his hold on Rodney, Ronon growled as he began to pace in front of the surgery doors, "I don't want to sit down! I want this to not be happening! We got him back here, he's supposed to be ok now!"

Teyla knew she should say that Doctor Beckett would do everything he could, that John was in the most capable hands, that John would fight to survive. But the words got stuck in her throat. John had fought, all day long. Hadn't given up, hadn't complained at the pain they put him in getting him back to Atlantis, trusted them to get him home. And if it all led to this…them losing John anyways. She couldn't bear that, didn't think any of them could.

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

When John had sputtered awake with a cough barely minutes after he had closed his eyes, Carson instantly knew there was an internal bleed he had missed at the sight of blood staining the Colonel's lips. But that bleed, it was proving just as elusive to find as it had on the initial surgery. "Where is the bugger!" he railed as he viewed the CT scans of Sheppard's chest cavity and digestive organs before returning his attention to the internal organs under his fingers, shifting them, trying to spot the tear leaking all the blood inside his friend. Suddenly blood sprayed out from John's colon as he moved it to the forefront and knew he had to act fast, that John couldn't afford to lose more blood especially at that alarming rate. As if to prove him right, the heart monitor started streaming even as the technician was announcing "heart rate rapidly dropping."

And then John flatlined.

Cursing, Carson demanded suction from his nurse to remove some of the blood so he could see the tear even as he clamped down the organ, trying to cut off the flow. Knew he was up against time because he couldn't try and revive John's heart until the bleed was sealed or else all he'd do was pump the man's blood faster out of his body and surely kill him.

For the first time in a long time, Carson wanted someone else to take over, wanted someone better to replace him, someone who could see the damn tear instead of guessing where it was. But there was only him. Praying he was saving John Sheppard and not killing him, he relied on his gut instincts, like the colonel was known to do. 'And if you're wrong, how will you face those people out there in the waiting room? Face the whole of Atlantis?! This was your mistake and if you don't fix it…if you lose him…' To that hopeless outcome, Carson had no answer.

SGATSGATSGAT

"It's taking too long!" Rodney gritted out, nervously running his hand through his hair, his eyes never leaving the door to the surgery suite. "No one's come to tell us a thing!" Internally, he was aching to run out of the infirmary, to distance himself from the bad news he was terrified was awaiting them when someone actually did come talk to them. Didn't want to know that his best friend was truly gone, that there would be no time to apologize again for having yet another argument with the man, to patch up whatever was broken in their friendship, to tell John that he could take as much vacation time he wanted, didn't even have to tell them when he was taking it or where he was going when he was on it, just as long as he always came back to them.

"You are sure Doctor Beckett wasn't concerned about John's condition before you left. Maybe there was an indication…." Teyla cross examined Rodney for the third time.

"As I told you the first two times you asked that, no! No, Carson didn't seem concerned, just was kicking me out…well Sheppard actually kicked me out but Carson seemed unconcerned, wasn't hovering by Sheppard or checking his chart or …or watching Sheppard's monitors. It seemed….." Rodney choked on the next words, "Good…fine…Like things were going to be ok."

"Well they aren't!" Ronon snapped at McKay.

"Yeah, thanks for stating the obvious! Maybe if I hadn't been booted out of here, I'll know something but I was but I probably was only gone 5 minutes, maybe 7." So little time and yet it had all gone to crap in those minutes. Like a lot of their missions did in only a span of minutes.

It was that moment that Major Lorne got wheeled back in from his x-ray scan, saw the panicked stated of Sheppard's three teammates and hopped out of his wheelchair and crossed to them. "What's happened?! Did the Colonel have a setback?"

"'Setback?!" Rodney's voice rose in cutting indignation. "Yeah, you could say that! He was coughing up blood and Carson took him back to surgery at a run, so yeah, the Colonel's had a setback."

"Rodney it is not the Major's fault," Teyla interceded.

"Isn't it?!" Rodney challenged, seemingly righteous anger building in his chest. "He's the one that let Sheppard be kibble to the stivers. He's the one that scouted out the planet. How many times were you there again, Major?! Four?! And you never learned to beware of the man eating predators on your day long trek to the village?!"

Though Evan had been prepared for the blame before, it came as a blow to have it leveled his way now. And whereas before he would have guiltily taken it, now it infuriated him. "Yeah, you are so right, Doc. I thought it would be fun to be stalked by man eating lions so I decided to keep that tidbit to myself and walked us right into their feeding ground?!"

"You can do whatever you want for "fun" major, but I think Sheppard should have had a vote if he wanted to play animal kingdom," McKay scathingly flung back at Lorne.

"I don't think you can throw stones, Dr. McKay. You blew up an entire solar system and almost the Colonel along with it," Evan accused back, even as he knew he wasn't being very professional, that Sheppard would think less of him for getting into a shouting blame game with his best friend. Especially when McKay paled at his reference to the Doranda incident.

Before McKay could find the words to give as good as he got, Doctor Beckett exited the surgery wing, and everyone blocked his path. He held up a hand before the questions could start, but realized all the people waiting were suffering from a stunned silence. It was then he looked down at himself and realized, in his haste to give them word of Sheppard, he hadn't removed his surgical gown…the one splattered with John Sheppard's blood. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't take time…didn't think…"

"Is he alive?" Ronon bluntly asked, his stance tense, his expression tightly reigned in for whatever the news might be.

"Ay, he's alive but his condition isn't stable, not yet," Carson cautioned, had already given false hope to these people that John was going to be fine only to be wrong.

That half good news, half bad news, had his audience stymied into silence yet again. Surprisingly it wasn't Rodney who spoke first but Teyla. "What happened? I thought he was making improvements. Rodney implied he was awake. I thought that was a good sign."

Here Carson sighed, miserably admitted, "I did too. I am so sorry. There was an internal bleed that I missed in the original surgery."

Ronon's stance changed from cautious to threatening within a heartbeat and he stepped forward to tower over Carson. "You missed it," his voice a deadly growl of blame. "You missed him losing blood internally. And what?! He's been bleeding all this time, all day with Lorne, with us…and then we get him back to you, who's supposed to put him back together, save him. And instead you let him continue to bleed out for another three hours?!" His voice rising as the implications sank in, that they had gotten Sheppard home and he hadn't gotten the help he needed, was still in pain, still losing blood, still freefalling toward death.

"Let him?! " Carson repeated back in horror and then fury. "I didn't let him continue to bleed out?! There was nothing on the scans, no indication in the original surgery of this bleed. I…I …don't know how I could have known."

But that wasn't good enough for Ronon, not if Sheppard died, not when Sheppard was teetering on the edge of survival. "Maybe because it's your job to know! That we trusted you to take care of him. Hell, maybe we should have taken him to the villagers, they might have done a better job of patching him up than you did."

"Now hold on a bloody minute! Yes, I missed it but to compare my skills to bloody backwater villagers with their bone knives, you go too far Dex!" Carson shouted back, looking up at the tall Satedan in rage.

"I don't know, Beckett, those villagers were smart enough to know killer lions were in their woods, so maybe they are smarter than we gave them credit for, apparently smarter than our own military XO," McKay interjected his own slam for Lorne.

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

Radek joined Elizabeth in the transporter. "Thought I might visit Colonel Sheppard. I take it that's where you are headed?" he asked, hoped he wasn't intruding on her visit.

"Yeah, Carson let me know a couple minutes ago that John woke up for a bit. He's probably sleeping now but…I'm sure we can peek in on him as long as we're quiet," Elizabeth smilingly told Radek but when they exited the transport by the infirmary, quiet was the last thing they'd call the ruckus coming from the medical wing. Breaking into a run, Elizabeth burst into the infirmary, Radek only a few steps behind her to see, not medical personnel flying around in a controlled frenzy, but two simultaneous yelling matches going on between Carson and Ronon and McKay and Major Lorne." And surprisingly, Teyla wasn't attempting to play pacifist, had seemingly removed herself from the fray and stood against the wall, a stunned, forlorn look marring her features.

"What is going on here!?" Elizabeth demanded in her most strident tone…which no one heard, or didn't pay attention to. "Hey!" she shouted but still the four men continued to berate each other and she heard enough to get the gist: throwing blame around for John's condition. She was about to make another attempt to yell louder than the combatants in the room but then Radek gave a shrill whistle and a surprised quiet fell onto the group. Having gained their attention, she found herself a little unsure what to ask first. But no, really she knew what was clamoring in his heart for an answer. "Carson, is John….He's not…."

"No, he's alive, Elizabeth," and she felt weak-kneed relief at Beckett's words until he continued, "He had internal bleeding so I took him back into surgery. We're trying to get him stable now."

"Because you screwed up!" Ronon accused, pointing at Beckett and that might have started another round of yelling but Elizabeth shoved her small statured frame between the Satedan and the doctor and shouted, "Quiet!" McKay opened his mouth and she amended, "All of you!"

At having the floor again, she leveled her gaze on all of them, including Teyla. "Do you think John would want us ripping into each other?! Over him?!" That had the four combatants avoiding her eye contact in shame. "What did John say during the Iratus bug incident?" Elizabeth challenged of Rodney, who made a face before protesting.

"Come on, that was not what he was going to say as his last words," but even as those words left his mouth, Rodney felt sick, hoped they weren't there again, that he had heard John's last words this time for real. 'And they were, he didn't need me.'

Teyla forced herself to clamp down on the fear coursing through her and step toward the group, she still had to swallow convulsively before the words would come. "He said…for us to take care of each other."

Elizabeth nodded, felt her own voice a bit choked as she agreed, "Yeah, he did. That's what he'd want us to be doing now, when he's too hurt to be here for each of us like he usually is. We all care about John, and yes, we're all scared but I know there isn't a one of us that wouldn't do everything in our power to keep him from harm." She eyed Carson and Evan, knowing that they were carrying the most feelings of guilt. "John wouldn't lay any blame on you Carson or you Major for anything that's happened today." Both men solemnly nodded as they knew she was right. Then she turned her attention to Sheppard's team, the two men and one woman who were family to John. "And you shouldn't blame yourselves for not being there with John when he got attacked or here when he needed more surgery. You're all here now, were there for him today. Now we just have to do the hard part and wait."

Teyla's eyes were shimmering with tears but she nodded, was gently pulled against Ronon's tall frame as he quietly groused, "Hate waiting," but he was adhering to Dr. Weir's advice. Teyla wrapped her arms around him, knowing he felt as afraid as she did but it helped being together, with others who valued John as they did.

As for Rodney, he cleared his throat and turned to Evan. "I'm sorry…I was out of line. I just….you know hindsight and he ditched us and went with you today and talked with you ….It's just been a really bad day."

Evan nodded, "Yeah, I'm sorry too, Doc." Before he confessed with raw earnestness, "I …I keep thinking of what I should have done differently."

"Me too," Carson agreed, looked to Ronon for forgiveness and Ronon simply nodded his head. All was forgiven.

Elizabeth let out a pent up breath, and reached out and gave Radek's shoulder a squeeze. They were working through this but she knew it would all fall apart if John died, if these incredible people lost someone that important to them all. And honestly, she didn't think she'd recover well herself. John had come to be such a interwoven part of her life, of her command. He wasn't just a staunch supporter of her, the military leader of Atlantis, heck she considered him a co-runner of Atlantis right along side her most days, but he was a really close friend. Something she honestly didn't allow herself to have before, hadn't wanted before. And now that decision, it was causing her pain. 'But John's worth it, even if he doesn't get that.'

SGATSGATSGAT

The sight of Sheppard staggered Rodney. Less than an hour ago, John had been awake, hooked up to nothing scarier than an IV drip and being his grouchy egotistical macho man 'I don't need anyone' self. And now…he was lying deathly still, a machine breathing for him and a heart monitor there to detect if his heart started to do something wonky like…stop working.

Suddenly Rodney wanted to turn tail, not face Sheppard's vulnerabilities, the real possibility that this time his friend might not pull a miracle out of a hat. But that was why Rodney couldn't leave, had to stick around: To tell the stupid jerk he wasn't allowed to go trotting off to the hereafter. Rodney forbid it.

But as Rodney devotedly claimed a seat in the chair beside Sheppard's bed, it was heartbreaking so see John so fragile. "If this is a tactic to make sure I feel too sorry for you to ream you out for being a rude jerk to me earlier, not to mention ditching us for Major Lorne's company or playing Clint Eastwood with Kolya…it's working. Quite well, actually." Wished Sheppard was able to volley a snarky comeback his direction like you usually did, instead there was no change in his slack features.

Knowing Carson had only given them each a few minutes with Sheppard, Rodney didn't want to waste the time, like he had all day long. Always thinking there would be a later, a better time, when he'd fell more sure of himself to open himself up to his friend. But time didn't seem a commodity he had in abundance. Hoped he was only speaking of his visiting time and not John's time. Knowing John would hate it, Rodney still slid his hand into John's limp one. "You know I'm not good at this…feelings and emotions and….same stuff you suck at but…I think this bears vocalizing." Getting no encouragement or wave offs from Sheppard, Rodney let out a tremulous breath. "You might not need me but I need you John. Not just for your Ancient gene, or your flying expertise or your illogical tactics that somehow end up saving our bacon again and again but the guy who believed I could be brave, could be more than a geek on your team. You believing I could be brave, made me brave. And then there's the whole…friendship thing that, honestly, I never saw coming. I mean…you're ….and I'm ….statistically speaking, we aren't compatible, you jock types haze people like me, you don't….become the one person they know they can be themselves around and you won't get sick of me. Well, sick of me enough to kick me to the curb. And I …I'm not ready to lose that, to lose you. So…." Rodney gave John's hand a squeeze, "keep your promise, John. You said we'd talk later, that means you talking, not just me. I'm holding you to that." Then he stammered, "Well…I guess….Carson only let me have five minutes and the others are waiting…"Rodney was finding it harder to leave then it was to originally stay but he forced himself to lay John's hand down on the bed, give it one more gentle squeeze before leaving.

SGATSGAT

When Rodney left the critical care area of the infirmary, Teyla went to approach him but he kept his head down, held up his hand to hold her back and walked out of the infirmary. It said how upset her friend was that he left instead of reclaiming a chair in the waiting are. Looking to Ronon, Teyla straightened her stance, bracing herself and then headed in to see John. But like McKay, she wasn't steeled enough against the sight of John on life support.

Crossing to his side, she gently leaned her head against his as she spoke, "It seems like you have always been part of my life, John. And I can not imagine a future which you are not with me…with us, Rodney, Ronon and I. Elizabeth, Carson, Major Lorne." Pulling back she carassed John's check with the back of her hand, "I gave up being with my people for this cause but you are why I stayed on Atlantis, John. You gave me hope, strength when I was weak, belief in victory when my people only knew defeat. You are my family, closer than a brother of my own bloodline could be. I will not let you go where I can not go also. You do not have to fight alone, John. I am here and so are Ronon and Rodney and so many others who love you. Please don't give up, John. None of us can bear losing you."

SGATSGATSGAT

Ronon stood at the end of Sheppard's bed, his face stoic for a long moment before it faltered into despair. "You don't get to do this, Sheppard. We screwed up, yeah, but …this is too high a cost for us to pay. Kick me off your team or even out of Atlantis but don't do this, don't quit on me, on us."

Braving to drawer closer, he sank into the chair beside the bed, eyed up his friend before he bowed his head onto John's unwounded shoulder. "Damn you! Seven years I was alone and I could bear it! But you…you gave me a new home, a family and I wasn't alone anymore and now you're threatening to take all that away! Because, if you're gone…I can't stay here. It will be another home, like Satedan, too destroyed to do anything but break my heart and soul."

SGATSGATSGAT

Surprisingly, it was Ronon who exceeded the time limit that Carson set for visiting the Colonel. Determined to go and kick the man out, Carson slipped into the critical care section but the scene wasn't the one he was prepared to see: the tough man who barely cracked a smile let along wore his emotions on his sleeve had his head bowed on his friend's shoulder, his words choked and broken and Carson couldn't bear to interrupt the poignant scene. Stepping back, prepared to give the man a few more minutes, Ronon seemed to sense his presence, pulled back from John and looked to him. Turning back to his friend, Ronon gently cupped John's face in his big hand before straightening and then he walked by Beckett without a word.

Coming to his patient's side, Carson gave the monitors a glance but was drawn to his friend's too pale face. "Son, you're breaking all our hearts with this nonsense. Now I know you're in there, and you're fighting. You just have to do it a little bit longer. Fight for yourself like you'd fight for any one of us. We're all here waiting for you.

SGATSGATSGAT

"…Waiting for you…" John heard, meshing with the other things "Don't quit", "Been part of my life" "Keep your promise" but the words, the voices, they didn't coincide with his surroundings: The forward base in Afghanistan, troops moving out, his chopper on the tarmac, him calling across to Captain Trevor Holland who was heading to his own chopper, "I think it's your turn to bring the contraband libations tonight."

"I brought them last time," Holland complained.

"Because you lost the bet," John crowed. "And you still haven't paid up in full."

"For a mathalete you can't count!" Holland countered.

"Hey, I wasn't a mathalete! I played football, almost….."

"Made the farm team? Right," he sarcastically snorted. "The story doesn't get any truer the more you try and sell it, Shep."

"Well at least I…." Sheppard was volleying back when his helicopter exploded, blowing him backwards, but then he wasn't falling was flying, above, in a whole unexploded copter, was looking down…at the wreckage: Dix and Mitch's Pave Hawk copter was just….a ball of flames. RPG direct hit. And John's screaming in his mic for the medic is his ride to get prepared for him to land to give assistance but then his copter's swinging wildly to the right, RPG to his tail rotor. He's going down and he's not alone, when he looks to his right, Rodney's there in the co-pilot seat and behind him, Telya and Ronon are strapped into the back seats. He's crashing and he's taking them with him. The copter's stick is unresponsive; they are going into an unrecoverable spin.

He's going to do what he's been terrified of doing every day: die and take them all with him.

SGATSGATSGAT

Let it up to John Sheppard to be comatose for three days straight and then revive by scaring the crap out of Rodney by shouting and sitting up. His laptop jumped out of his jerking hands but Rodney didn't try to catch it. Instead he dove forward to instead catch John before the man either fell out of bed or slammed back onto the mattress and did more damage to himself.

Awkwardly catching John in a semi hug/hold, his chin pressed against John's shoulder as his arms surrounded him, it was shocking and so darn wonderful to Rodney when John looked at him, actually saw him, and croaked out, "Rodney?"

"Yeah, Rodney. Who'd you expect, Heidi Klum?!" Rodney sallied back without thought to his suddenly awake friend, because that was 2nd nature between him and John.

"More of a Sharon Stone fan," John countered hoarsely, his throat feeling like he was back in Afghanistan, inhaling sand with every breath. Then there was the pain in his side, chest, shoulder, head, well, everywhere. Suddenly sitting up didn't seem such a good idea.

"Sure, right, should have guessed, a femme fatale would turn you on," Rodney snarked back as John sagged in his hold like he's blown his spurt of energy and strength and was going limp like a ragdoll. "Oh crap, hold on," Rodney exclaimed as he struggled to bear all of John's weight to gently lever the wounded man back on the mattress. Half landing on the mattress with John, Rodney carefully extracted his arm from under John's back and then stared at his friend, like it was hitting him. "You're awake."

"Yeah, think so. Unless…" John tilted his head in a bit of confusion, "We weren't …we didn't crash, did we?"

"Ah not this time," Rodney gave in reply, not trying in that moment to be a smart aleck but careful with his answers. Carson warned them when the body suffered trauma like Sheppard's had, there might be some memory loss, haziness on details.

Looking at Rodney, John caught a flash of memory, no dream: Rodney in a helicopter, Ronon and Teyla too, them crashing. But that….it wasn't real. Was the drugs or his mind screwing with him, or his fears running rampant with his guard down. He was starting to recall reality: he and Evan running for their lives, lion like things with sharp teeth hunting them, his team coming for him. But then things got hazy. He could almost remember getting home to Atlantis…flashes of the infirmary…talking with Evan….saying something to upset McKay…choking on blood. And then nothing…until now.

He was about to ask Rodney what happened but something interrupted his train of thought. Reaching out to McKay, he touched the man's jawline where a beardlike hair thing was going on. "You've got scruff. Thought you said only backwoods hillbillies and lazy flyboys sported scruff."

Rodney grabbed John's hand as it started to fall, the man's strength again petering out. But he didn't place John's hand on the bed, instead distractedly held it in his own, like he had become accustom to doing the last days. "Excuse me if I've been a little distracted with sitting by your bed for the last three days waiting for you to wake up."

As that information sank in, John slowly asked for clarification, "Three days…counting the fun we had on Lion Planet?"

"No three days since you decided we weren't sufficiently worried about you and you started bleeding internally, had to get rushed back into surgery and you've been lazing around in a coma since then," Rodney recounted in his usual snarky way that he did when he was nervous, worried or emotionally uncomfortable. John had a way of making all three emotions hit him at once.

"Three days? Coma?" John repeated back, trying to make sense of it all. It didn't seem like three days, seemed minutes ago when …he told Rodney he didn't need him, thought the man might not come back to visit him after that. 'No, instead he camped out by your bedside forgoing even shaving.' It was humbly, Rodney's devotion to him in light of how poorly he had treated him. "Rodney, what I said….about…you know…not needing you…"

"What, that? Didn't even remember it," Rodney downplayed, was standing up, "I'll better get Carson or he'll skin me alive if he knows I didn't get him the second your eyes opened." He was almost out of the curtained off area when John called his name.

"Rodney.." John implored, didn't want things to go unsaid, or wrongly said in their case any longer. He wasn't sure if it was good news when Rodney stopped his departure but hesitated by the curtain, not turning around. "I was a jerk….didn't mean…" he stammered, not sure of the right words but then he had them. "We save each other. Nothing says codependence more than that, right?" he tried to say it jestingly but when Rodney turned around, there was too much emotion in the other man's eyes.

"John, I thought this was it. You were gonna die and our last words…they weren't good! And I kept thinking about why you ditched us to go with Major Lorne and how I ticked you off because I didn't trust you to beat Kolya," Rodney rambled on, barely catching any air as the words rushed out.

John wasn't prepared for the frantic edge to Rodney's words, the sentiments, the fear the other man didn't usually showcase until…things had reached a critical mass. 'Like he thought you were going to die and were mad at him.' "I was wrong, Rodney. I…I shouldn't have just left without a word to anyone," because that was an easier offense to discuss than the big issues.

And Rodney knew they had other things to iron out, but he took the olive branch John was offering, had already forgiven him everything. Sheppard on the edge of dying had put Rodney in a very forgiving peace of mind. He had made a pact, one sided as it was. If John didn't die, Rodney would give him a free pass on…like everything since the day they first met. Course John didn't need to know that.

"You came back, that matters more," Rodney earnestly declared, gave a bittersweet smile, nodded his head and then headed off to get Carson. He didn't know if John would ever realize the truth of his statement. It wasn't John coming back from his excursion with Major Lorne he was grateful for, it was him coming back from the precipice of death. That was all that Rodney could ask for, had asked for. His smile turned full blown joyous as he dodged some nurses on his trek to Carson. John had kept his promise. They had talked. And they would talk some more and more after that and later too. Instead of tapping Carson's shoulder and saying "Sheppard's awake," Rodney announced, "You can unpack your guilt trip bags."

For a moment Carson scowled at Rodney's nonsense statement before it hit him. "Colonel Sheppard's awake?!" he excitedly realized, left Rodney in his wake as he sped to Sheppard's bed, but truly didn't draw in a relieved breath until John Sheppard met his entrance with his smirky smile and drawled, "How long do I have to stay here, Beckett?"

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

TBC

SGATSGATSGATSGAT

More to come! Thanks for still tuning into the story! Have a great day!

Cheryl W.