AN: A long since scrapped fic, probably won't be continued, but it's first chapter serves as an interesting one-shot I think.

"I had just come to accept that my life would be ordinary when extraordinary things began to happen." - The first line of Miss Peregrine's Home For Peculiar Children, By Ransom Riggs.

"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle."
― Alice of Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland

The universe made a mistake. It was bound to happen eventually, busy thing, the universe. It could be forgiven, just this once.

Because with it's mistake, why, it had given me a grand opportunity!

Oh, excuse me, the universe's mistake, at your service. Don't be so surprised that I'm breaking the forth wall, I can't see you or anything of the sort. It's just that if Multiverse theory is right, and it's looking rather like it is, then it seems likely writers and creative types are tapping into other universes. No proof of it either way, at least unless I manage to find a way back to the other universe and see if my story is up. I hope it's a good one.

The path of destiny had diverged when Pandora Lovegood's path along with mine abruptly ended. A lightning bolt in one universe, a magical scientist's experiments into things mankind was not meant to know in another.

Suddenly who I was ... changed. I was suddenly in another universe, in another body, quick as lightning, clutching my... not Mother, current body's Mother perhaps... I let go of the woman and struggling to push her off me rather awkwardly, getting up, rather unaffected considering the circumstances. Luna... Luna was gone.

I grimaced, Luna had been one of my favorite characters, it sucked that she was gone, only the fragmented memories left.

In another dimension perhaps she lived on, broken by the tragedy of her Mother's passing, broken with madness or sight, hopefully in a few she was happy with both her parents, but who could say really.

In this one... In this one she had died as soon as she realized her Mother was doomed, as soon as Pandora Lovegood turned serious and told Luna "Get out! Run!" as the energies pouring forth from the runes solidified and kept growing in power, her last act throwing shielding her daughter with her body and wand...

I wasn't quite as unaffected as I'd like to pretend. I had lost my own parents, one through abandonment, the other through death...

Still, the opportunity's being here presented nearly had me salivating, and were enough of a distraction over the next few months to blunt any trauma I may have been going through, those pesky memories seemed to like cropping up in dreams, it only getting worse as I worked my way through building a mind palace and sorting the memories I had- all of them.

It also helped me ignore my disturbing new form. As happy as I was to have magic and a chance at immortality, riches, whatever I wished really... I would much rather have kept a penis and balls. They at least didn't bleed, to speak nothing of the cramps.

I shuddered just to think about it. I had of course resolved to do something about it.

If it had been nearly any Wizard I'd been placed inside, I'd have dedicated my time to power before all else, perhaps I'd have had time to learn a few wandless magics before it was time to go to Hogwarts, and of course occlumency, it's importance unrivaled by anything else.

But... I wasn't a Wizard.

I was being silly, I knew, I'd always said I'd like to give being a woman a try, but... I tried it and didn't entirely care for it.

Part of it was being in the body of someone far too young that it wigged me out a bit even cleaning certain parts of my anatomy, but... well, I was as attached to my meat baton as most men as it turned out.

So I leaned rather heavily onto the fan-theory that Harry was a metamorphmagus, that his accidental magic to regrow his butchered hair and inability to tame it- James Potter having to ruffle his hair to mess it up meaning the hair wasn't inherited, or at least throwing doubt on it... Harry is never shown getting a haircut again throughout the series.

That being a metamorphmagus was a magic that you could learn, and not just something you were born with.

Even if it's as supposed, a Black trait only, even then I'm covered thanks to all the inbreeding, the Lovegoods not entirely unaffected by it.

But I was a muggle at heart, so I took the safer route.

"Daddy..." I said, grimacing inwardly at calling him that- but if I called him anything else the man may be suspicious... Then again, looking at Xeno Lovegood putting together his article on Nargles, I had my doubts he was all there... He really had thrown himself into his work, to the point he was rather neglecting me, if I were normal this would be devastating, as it was, despite not wanting the man miserable... it served my purposes.

"Yes sweet-pea?" He didn't look up.

"May I go down to the library?"

"Sure." He went immediately to work.

Didn't even ask what books I wanted to read, or even doubt I should go down by myself... Then again, he hadn't last time when I had asked for some occulmancy books, and he gave me some galleons and kept forgetting, or never have thought to take me to Diagon. Despite feeling and needing to be independent... I would have liked someone around that wasn't a little girl to defend me should anything happen. I hated my new body, needless to say. It was nice enough when I was younger and seeing her on the big screen, not so much living it.

This time I walked down to the nearby muggle village, and checked out a few anatomy books, luckily Luna's Mother knew about the muggle world and how to navigate it. I was alone of course, much to the surprise of the librarian, who had the look about them. The look that meant they knew better and were about to inflect their authority on another and sure enough "Where are your parents, should I give them a call to pick you up?" I grimaced, grabbing the bag of books "There they are now, bye!" I ran.

That could not be allowed to happen- for one Xeno didn't have a phone- I'd likely be stuck in some muggle orphanage by well-meaning but misinformed muggles, and that wasn't something that could be allowed- I had far too much to do for that.

So I ran.

I also put getting into shape on the list of things to do as I panted a mere block away, just behind protecting my mind and getting my penis back.

It worked. It wasn't quite as good as being a proper metamorphmagus, I couldn't preform instant changes, but rather... it was driven by my will and mind through my occlumency and knowledge. My way felt... right, even though I knew the other way... trusting magic... that would have been... better.

Still, I examined the fruits of my labors with a finger running through it, the small innocent patch of skin on my left arm where there had been a freckle.

Underwhelming perhaps, but progress all the same.

I grinned, and got back to studying.

Turning into a male... wasn't likely to happen, sad to say. At least, not entirely. Maybe when medical science advanced, maybe even if I had access to, say, the internet of when I had died. Perfect memory as a side result of occlumency had helped a bit- but... I had hardly been a doctor, I'd taken health class in school, read parts of how our bodies worked but... Not much on the differences between male and female brains, something that the medical books I had... lacked. If we could afford it I'd likely be begging Xeno to take out subscriptions to medical journals, but... that wasn't looking likely to happen.

So I was stuck. Too much risk of changing the delicate composition of chemicals inside my brain, if I removed my ovaries or added testes, too likely for something to go wrong, and not enough information.

Still, I managed to program some changes, my thoughts translated by magic into my very DNA, that would slowly turn me into the being I had programmed in, even while I kept absorbing biology books and food to fuel the changes, both at an unheard of rate.

A few animals may have met messy ends, but it was for science.

Life was sadly rather routine after that.

I'd wake up and after peeing- still not entirely used to sitting down for it nor having to wipe instead of shake, I'd start the day's exercises.

If I was going to be a girl, I'd be a hot one, damn it, and besides, I needed the stamina. I had at least two battles I'd be forced to participate in, that or risk Harry Potter dying and leaving a mad man in charge of the magical world.

I didn't do as much martial arts as I could though, we couldn't afford lessons, sad to say. Not only were we barely getting by, with food heavily supplemented by the gardens and Weasley's along with whatever I managed to catch but... Running a magazine costs a lot of money, money that we were only barely getting back. Still, it seemed to be all that Xeno cared about now that he lost his wife and looking at me was too painful a reminder.

But... well, with my perfect memory... It was rather easy to practice and use the moves I've seen. I don't think I had any single complete style, not in it's entirety- but what I did have, a dozen UFC fights, a few Boxing matches, to say nothing of all the Wrestling and fights, both real and fake I had seen in TV shows and movies...

Not everything worked of course, a lot of that stuff wasn't suited for my body type, or planned final form TM, but a lot of it was, well, fake. Wires, CGI and just plain play acting, to say nothing of all the moves that looked good but were just that, all flash and very little bang.

Martial arts... were like dances. The real stuff transformed slowly over time into a parody of itself.

Taking out the unnecessary bits, putting together a style combining bits and pieces from reverse engineering them and combining the final products into a single complete style... It was tough. Between it and the ever present modifications to my body's blueprints, I didn't have much time to spare for anything else.

Of course, martial arts weren't all I did. Gymnastics, jogging running and sprinting to parkour, dodging, diving, and even dancing were all slowly learned and perfected as much as my ever improving body could take.

The changes to my body in a mere year were extensive, I thought, stripping in front of the mirror- thankfully silent.

My eyes fit my face far better than they had before, and I was looking closer to sixteen than the eleven I should be. Everything on me was... almost uncanny valley, a touch too perfect. I rather liked the effect.

Hair was one of the cheapest and easiest things to change- and now was a rather daring crimson red, that I was seriously thinking of keeping if only it weren't for the Weasley jokes.

Apparently Ginny only distanced herself from canon Luna after her Mother's death and she became...broken. I thought a lot less of the girl for it, probably driving her into a mild depression as I was suddenly too busy for her- and not caring to make time.

My breasts... were supernatural. I'd heard other women complain about the things being a pain- there was a reason why women wore bras and it wasn't just to display them. So I gave them extra support. They didn't feel quite right, the weight, their very existence but I'd made one concession for my gender, adding another, one that would limit my dating prospects even more seemed rather silly.

They were C-cups, but ones that I could move more than was natural.

My body was shapely as well, with all the proper curves, bells, and whistles, including my favorite bum off my second girlfriend, completely hairless aside from my head, and pausing periods- and face colored as if by light makeup, barely light enough that it could pass for natural, near zero maintenance required.

The biggest change though was finally having a third of what made a man, even if it was rather sensitive and a bit too pink.

Of course, the changes under the hood, I thought getting in the shower, were far more extensive.

I had done as much as I had dared to my brain, at least with the knowledge I had now.

Keeping a portion of it as it was was the main priority of my serious body changes, something that had to be done as quickly as possible.

It was all about that brain placidity, being able to learn quickly as a child throughout my life would be invaluable.

Occlumency had already sorted the brains knowledge along with making backups. It was as if the brain were the hardware and magic was the operating system.

But I hadn't stopped there, increasing how fast the brain could fire off synapses was something rather safe enough, as was acquiring options for all those pesky bodily functions that you didn't have complete control over, from heart rate to with a thought to changing eye color by going cross eyed.

I could also produce some chemicals more directly. It took a good deal of effort to identify the few I knew enough to change- to want to change, such as the chemicals involved in feeling tired, or say, a shot of adrenaline in an emergency.

My body was simply a bit tougher all around, with a structure that would have muggles baffled save perhaps a scientist or two that would be amazed... Perhaps carbon nanotube inspired cellular changes in my bones to under my skin, and surrounding all my organs were... well, a bit extreme, but I was planning on fighting a war.

Of course, the changes to my eyes were the most startling immediately- oh sure, I had a nose I could turn off or on- or adjust like a thermostat, and likewise adjustable ears like a bat- but that was all internal.

No, my eyes were definitely unique. The animal kingdom had many animals with better sight than humans, finding just which to pick was... difficult, and well, I couldn't just pick one.

In the end, my eyes had dozens of pupils that surrounded an iris with a pupil of it's own. This gave me a much wider field of vision- even more as I could move each eye independently like the geckos I had stolen the idea from. Each pupil could widen at night or at will to take in even more light, giving me amazing night vision.

Adding in more receptors was perhaps the easiest part- though all of it was a headache- rather literally as I was unused to having so much data going to my brain- and I had to condense and increase the amount of brain cells and improve their storage and processing capacity - and growing a slightly larger head as a result, thankfully the rest of my body would not have trouble growing with me, but... with all my changes, I was looking at becoming a bit of an amazon when I finished.

Telescopic vision was... rather challenging while keeping my other additions- I had never known there were so many colors and lights... I rather liked being able to see the unseen, from heat to what I suspected was ultraviolet light, and new colors and shades of them... The world was a lot more beautiful, and I didn't want to give that up.

But I managed even that- though both at the same time rather eluded me.

As a result of all my tampering- and not wanting to add to it by changing it, my eyes... My Iris in the middle was tiny- as were the ones surrounding it, but they looked like roughly diamond shaped chains, and the pupil was a vibrant neon purple that looked rather like some bizarre lightning.

I liked it but... The amount of people staring directly into my eyes was disconcerting, but the opportunities it presented to practice legitimacy and the difficulty of changing them and possibly upsetting the delicate balance, I figured it was worth putting up with it.

I had branched out- there's only so much time I can fiddle with my body and try to figure out new tricks to try, small and large changes that I wanted to attempt and experiment with.

Xeno never noticed the changes my body went through, nor the bangs, and holes in walls nor the days to weeks we could go through without seeing one another as I perfected telekinesis, the smell of burnt potions as I learned I had no talent in creating potions, or butchered animals as I hunted like some feral thing for science and for sustenance.

It was... rather difficult, and not everything I tried worked, but enough did that I felt confident that I could do this, I could pull it off.

I wasn't invincible, not yet, but against muggles... it would take a nuke or chemical weapons.

Shame I was facing wizards, but even then... I had chosen telekinesis for a reason, moving objects to intercept spells was handy.

More importantly for the sake of mastering it... It was technically one spell.

Aside from the mind arts and tailoring my body, and excluding my potions mishaps, it was the only thing I practiced, meaning I got better and better at it, new uses of it allowing me to refine and improve upon my overall control of the single spell, and all of it working the magical muscle to be stronger, have finer control, recover fatigue faster- in this case a portion of the brain which I was carefully, slowly improving through exercise and very careful and slow manipulation taking every effort to not inadvertently destroy the source of my reality bending power.

That and planning.

It took time to deal with my grief of losing this body's biological Mother, and more relevant, losing my friends and family. They didn't exist in this reality, I had expected it, feared it, but when I finally went and checked... It was rather devastating.

All that I did even as I watched somewhat helplessly as my body's Father went insane with grief, or just plain insane. Contrary to popular belief, the Quibbler hadn't always been the wizarding version of tabloids, but a rather well respected magical magazine featuring everything from zoology to the latest news in runes... I watched as the once well respected paper was slowly turned into a parody and... while there was an initial dip in sales... they were now well ahead of where they had been at the Quibbler's former height to my surprise.

I even managed to squeeze in a few articles of my own. One was on Pequeninos, the pig people from Ender's game, but also on Roswell Greys, crop circles and probing, none of which of which the Purebloods knew about and even a good many of the half-bloods and muggles had a passing familiarity with.

It was fun, honestly and... well, not all of Luna was dead.

But there was a lot I had to do, and while writing those had helped pay the bills, I had grander plans than merely being a tabloid reporter, though that certainly was going to remain a hobby.

I did other things too of course, I hopped on over to the Burrow, not to see hobbits but rather...

I knocked in the beat of Shinedown's "Her Name Is Alice" but was interrupted by two twins.

"Oh hey." "Luna, Ginny's-" "-busy degnoming" "-the garden..." "Should be done in an hour or two..."

"You know what they say about assuming though." Their eyes bulged at a 10 year old girl knowing what usually followed that presumably but I continued, tilting my head in confusion "They say it's rude, I'm in fact here to visit you two in fact." I would have taken Charley, Bill or perhaps Ron as well, but I figured I had the best odds with the Twins anyway, and they had answered the door.

"Oh?" "What can we upstanding gentle-wizards do for you?"

"I heard you were going to Hogwarts this year like the last two and I was hoping you could do me a small favor..."

"Depends-" "-what is it?" "More importantly what's in it for us?"

"I could write an article proclaiming Ronald is a transfigured garden gnome or whatever you want really..."

They blinked before grinning, "Okay, deal, what did you want again?"

"I hadn't said, but I want you to smuggle me into Hogwarts."

"What?" "Why?"

I shrugged, "I'm bored and I want to see how long it takes them to find me and send me home." It was even partly true, of course the biggest reason was a certain stone that I hoped was real and not a fake or poison.. I'd be testing it on animals first, needless to say.

Sadly, I couldn't floo by myself as often as it'd require- floo powder was expensive. I also didn't know where exactly Hogwarts was, and did want to visit.

"As good enough-" "-a reason as any."

"Coolio" They looked confused, but context is a wonderful thing.

"So how-" "-are we to smuggle you to Hogwarts."

"Preferably whole, you could probably fit half of me in your trunks but that sounds uncomfortable..." Could be fun though... When I got a little older anyway.

"Oh, I know! I'll just go as a pet... Which one... Oh, I know... Hold on, let me figure this out..." I scrunched my nose and held my breath before... turning into a prefect Owl.

They were staring rather awestruck at an apparently instantaneously animagus if they even knew what that was. I meanwhile inspected my body despite knowing it rather well, before taking flight only coming back down and transforming back.

They were still staring rather slack jawed "So leave your window open September first, I'll bring by an owl cage, alright?" It would be easier than hunting down the platform on a map or trying to get the lethargic Xeno Lovegood to take me with some excuse or another.

They nodded rather dumbly as I left.

"Say Daddy" I said during dinner- a dinner I cooked of course.

"Yes sweetums?"

"I'm going to Hogwarts this year, can I get some money for my supplies?"

"Sure, I thought that wasn't for another few years?"

A few? How old did I look? I ... I was taller than Fred or George!

In the end I ignored it "I decided I didn't want to wait to start my magical education." Partly true, mostly I'd finally run out of things to try from fiction books and comic books, movies and TV shows, and fanfiction. Of course, not everything had worked, but enough had that I probably didn'tstrictly speaking need Hogwarts- a dedicated person could go through a lot of practice in four years and minimal breaks.

But I had finally finished with what I could, and... well, Daddy was always too busy to show me wand movements and most books didn't have animated pictures of the things- nor did they say the words outloud and the pronunciation was an issue as well. It didn't help that my wand wasn't compatible with me- and no wonder, it had been my Mothers and I was only part of her daughter even before the accident in which a full grown man got crammed in her body. I figured I was a quarter the daughter of Pandora at best, not enough for a good match, not at all.

Okay, so mostly it was I couldn't resist the shiny, but those other reasons were still valid.

I saved the wand shop for last, not wanting to deal with the madman- but as it turned out, it really was the only wandshop in Diagon- and there wasn't some super secret one in Knockturn- or if there was I couldn't find it.

The shop was empty... and rather dusty as I half yelled "Hello, anyone home."

I spun about and... no one was there... There was a throat clearing from behind me, and I suddenly felt the presence behind me... how did he get behind me... He had to be hiding his presence mightily for that to have worked...

Oh well.

"Hello my dear, what can I do for you?"

"Hello Mr Ollivander, one wand please." I stuck my hand out.

"Aren't you rather young for a wand?" What was with everyone ignoring how tall I was? Shouldn't they assume I'm at least 13?

"I.. They tell me I'm aging at an accelerated rate, this time next year I could be twenty..."

It was even true, especially after I figured out most of what I needed to stop aging. That's not to say that the stone wouldn't make a nice paperweight, and not everyone was me. Immortality alone seemed rather... sad.

"I... I'm so sorry... It seems just yesterday your parents were in here... Rather unusual choices in wands I must say... I don't think I've ever sold a stiffer or swishier wand in all my years and that those two's wand's owners discovered each other, truly astounding..."

"Try this one, Maple and Dragon Heart string... Rather floppy if I do say so myself..."

I grabbed hold of it, it looking rather like a sad vine drooping to the floor slightly... and stiffened as soon as I grabbed hold of it and started to pulsate.

Huh. I... kinda liked it. Sure, I had memories from a guy, but that had only saved me from not turning gay from my perspective. Bisexual I could live with.

"No, not that one." It was snatched from my hand, too bad. "You sure I can't get that one as well?" I asked hopefully. Ollivander looked rather disturbed, and immediately denied the possibility.

We went through several others including the wand's polar opposite that seemed fond of thrusting in and out of my hand with, no springiness at all- then he went all Goldilocks, one that was in between that seemed utterly lifeless in my hand...

"I wonder... It couldn't hurt to try, your Father doesn't have a mean bone in his body... He surely would understand..." I was getting creeped out, prepared to fillet Mr Ollivander if he so much started undoing his robe- he was rather old and I was looking rather young, but instead he went to the back and came out with a wand in a box that he opened... and held out to me without touching the wand.

I reluctantly grabbed it out of it's box, worried, if even Mr Ollivander didn't want to touch it to give it a try...

I felt the heat of the wand spread throughout my body and start and the heat on my body seemed centered far lower than where I thought my core would should be, not in my chest but between my legs... White sparks shot off it rather.. suggestively...

"Oh my, that was... quite a show. 7 inches exactly, carved from a bit of an Apple Tree that had a most unusual snake mating pit under the trunk... Core of a particularly good vein from an Iron Belly's... Well, from an Iron Belly, that'll be 7 Galleons..."

Great, I had a penis wand after all. I still wasn't certain how to feel about the wand even as I paid for that and a holster and cleaning kit.

"Now, the elf knows to cook and clean for you, you just worry about taking care of yourself and the magazine, and if you have any problems I'm only an owl away."

Xeno was nodding along, still nose deep in his work, rather used to this kind of thing from his wife and then from me. Finding a house elf had been a bit of a challenge but I couldn't leave my half Daddy on his own, so I had started calling out elf names- and well, Sleepy looked rather tired all of the time, which is why I suspect he'd been given clothes, but he worked well enough despite that.

"Alright, I'm off Daddy, I'll send in an article or two if I have time!"

I winged out of the window carrying an undetectable expanded muggle backpack- the clerk of the trunk shop had been rather dismissive of it, but hadn't refused the money to enchant it. It was rather nice- it had Sorcerer Mickey doing some magic to his hat, the Disney castle in the background, and felt rather appropriate, I don't see what the fuss was about.

Of course- I wasn't actually an owl- if I were I imagine I may very well get the whole "Find person" thing. No, I was a gray parrot, but... I didn't want to be. It took less work modifying the bird body, already an artificial magic construct, than it had my own body, into something that wouldn't be rare or out of place in Britain, including the magical side. Granted, it was one that was stronger, faster, better.

I flew into the Burrows only open window, the two snoring chainsaws not noticing my presence even as I was transforming into Luna and taking the owl cage out of the backpack and getting in it.

Unlike what some fanfics would have you believe, the reason why the Weasleys hadn't flooed directly to the platform is because floo powder is expensive, not for any nefarious purposes at least as far as I could detect, that was why I was here after all. So I found myself carried onto a car, any confusion over the twins having an owl lost over early morning Weasley chaos that seems prevalent on train days.

Of course, I hadn't needed to go as an owl, I had other options, though this was the most power effective.

Really, of course I had options! I had four, almost five years magical practice under my belt, all with the dedicated fever of a person that knows a war is coming, that knows the future and knows how bleak it is.

Strictly speaking, I didn't even need to go to Hogwarts, I could make a living as a reporter or using what magic I knew already, even if most of it was rather combat orientated I did have my share of utility magics.

But.. The wanded magics I knew- that either were simple enough to pronounce and with understandable wand motions described, and of course the few I managed to Weasel Xeno into showing me... They all were nearly effortless. The difference between sprinting a few miles and taking a car instead, they took barely a fraction of the magic.

As to the war... Sure, the light had won the second Wizarding war, but we never see them resolving the issue of breeding invincible soul sucking demons. Dementors.

Besides that, even if the rest couldn't see it, I could. Another war was coming, one that threatened to be even worse than the blood wars.

Muggles wouldn't be kept in the dark about us forever. The digital age is coming...

I shuddered. I hadn't the faintest idea how to resolve that... I was rather liking the idea of building a magical spaceship and moving as many Magicals as I could to the moon or perhaps further, or maybe fleeing to another universe...

The train trip was rather peaceful, despite or perhaps because it was the Weasley twins, I was set up in a compartment that they vacated in order to explore.

A few people came in, but after seeing the owl reading a book on runes that looked rather complex, they wisely backed off. Runes were one of the few magics- other than potions that I was... awful at, something about my magic seemed to ruin them all, and of course the animagus transformation that didn't need incantations or wand movements, so of course I studied those extensively- so much so that going to those classes would rather be a waste, and... Well, I didn't want to deal with making potions or Snape, to say the least.

When Hogwarts was close at hand I quickly transformed and stuffed the cage back in my backpack before stuffing it in the backpack, and put it on before transforming, the bag transforming with me much like the wand. I was soon transported to the owlery by a house elf, and was quickly winging through the castle not long after.

Oh, I was close enough to Hogwarts I could have flown there, but I have no clue if the wards would have prevented it, and it would be rather annoying to have come all this way to have to fly immediately back.

It would be hard enough to find my home from the sky as it was, it was just lucky Mother had a parenting book with a handy little tracking charm in it, I had to keep track of Daddy, he was a wanderer at heart and not fully up to taking care of himself yet- though he was getting somewhat better. I don't know how the Luna of the books managed.

Omake, if Luna chose to get sorted:

I felt the hat enter into my mind, and go into the library after looking around, it wasn't as a person but rather pure magic extending it's tendrils into my mind... Of course, once those tendrils touched on my library's contents they withdrew almost immediately. Something that might have had to do with the handful of Sorting hat erotica I had seen.

"Dear Merlin, I don't think there's a house for that!" The hat spoke out loud, how rude.

"What about Slytherin, I've heard they get up to some crazy stuff there?"

"Not like that! Who wrote those vile things?"

"You... You don't like my writings?" I sniffled a bit. Oh sure, I hadn't really written them, but I'd certainly edited them all, at least the ones that included the people of the Magical world- had to make sure they didn't have any important real spoilers...

"I... Okay, how about Ravenclaw? They'll read anything that stays still long enough..."

"Sure" I shrugged, taking off the hat, trying to not be offended as the hat gave his thanks for my patronage, "Oh thank Merlin. Minnie, I could do with a scrubbing if you don't mind."