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It takes a while for me to get to Lissa at the party she'd ended up at. By the time I get there, the sun is coming up and she's passed out in a corner, a mostly empty bottle tightly clutched in her hand. I dig around her head for a moment, trying to see what I can find, it isn't much just that she'd argued with Christian and had just wanted to forget.
I sigh. Well she definitely managed to accomplish that. I try to wake her up gently but she barely stirs. I straighten up to stretch a bit before stooping down and scooping her up. My body protests and I stumble a bit but Jericho is immediately helping to brace me.
"Thanks Jer," I mumble before trudging in the direction of her dorm.
She seems a bit lighter than she used to, which is hilarious all things considering. After a few steps she curls into me, throwing her arm around my shoulders and burying her nose in my neck. She sighs softly and tightens her hold on me.
Her side of the bond opens a bit as she relaxes, her mind going to thoughts of Portland and the feeling of home. I pause in my stride to adjust her weight, simultaneously pulling her a little closer as I study her features quietly.
This girl is my little sister. I used to braid her hair and run the halls of her home with Andre while her parents watched. I'd protect her with my life. I'm bound to her, heart and soul. She'd hurt me more than any one person could and yet… she's my little sister, my bond mate, my moroi. I was about to hurt her more than I ever had in our time together. I was going to leave her to face this darkness alone…
"I'm sorry." I whisper as I continue walking toward her dorm. "I love you, you silly girl. I know I haven't given you reason to believe that, but I do." My voice shakes slightly. "I'm sick, Lis, I'm dying, soon, and I couldn't tell you because well you know why but then when I could, then I didn't want to. So pretty soon, you're going to be on your own, you'll have the gang but you and I know what we have… but please lean on them."
I sniff softly and look up, her building is coming closer.
"Everything's going to be okay, I'll be with you, always, so you have to fight for me okay?" I enter the building and wait for the elevator. "You have to be okay, that's the only way I can go in peace, so be with Christian, get married and have lots of green eyed Dragomirs, get old and wrinkly and tell those Strigoi and those pretentious royals to fuck themselves. Okay?" I get off on her floor and see Christian leaned up against her door.
He looks up, sees me and immediately stands.
"Is she alright?" He is immediately concerned. I nod.
"She's alright, probably going to have a hangover from hell, but she'll be fine." I try to smile but I immediately look back to her resting face. "Christian." I turn my attention to him. He turns his looks back to me. "Take care of her, alright, she's got some rough times ahead, so please, just… make sure she's okay."
"Always Rose, is everything okay?" He asks, I smile, a bit wider now.
"Everything'll be alright. Make sure she gets some sleep." I transfer her to his arms and unlock the door for him, he steps into the room. "And Christian?" He turns to look at me. "If you weren't so psychotic I think we could've been great friends." I give him my old man eaters' smile before leaving them.
On my way out I run into Mia supporting Eddie. Both freeze when they see me, Jer bumps my hip and I feel the smile curl a bit easier on my lips.
"Eddie." Mason's standing behind him with an encouraging smile. "You were right, I let Mason down and it cost him everything. I'm sorry you lost him because of me. But he loved you a lot, you know that, I just hope you know I love you too, and it's been a pleasure growing up with you."
He looks up at me with wide tear filled eyes and before I can blink he's lifting me up, hugging me so close and so tight I feel like I can't breathe. I hug him back just as tightly, suddenly ridiculously happy to have my brother hugging me so close.
I'd grown up with the both of them too, both Eddie and Mason, training and bonding with them every day. It hurt me like nothing else to lose Mason, it still hurts to this moment, but I know Eddie was going to blame himself, the least I could do was tell him I love him.
When I pull back it's to level Mia with a stern look, she looks terrified for a moment before she looks almost resigned to her faith. I pull her into a quick hug.
"Take care of my brother." I murmur in her ear before pulling away. "Now you have two seconds to get out of my sight before I have to report Mr. Castile in the moroi dormitory." I turn away from them, not wanting to look.
"Thank you." I hear Eddie before the door closes, "Just so you know, I love you too." and they're gone.
Any energy I'd managed to maintain seems to pour out of me until I'm barely standing. Jer presses into me and I lean on him as we make the last part of our journey through my past. The sun feels amazing on my skin and after a while I pause just to enjoy the warmth through my button up.
When I open my eyes I see someone heading toward the cabin, a few yards away from me. By the height I know it's Dimitri. I go to call out but I feel like my voice is gone. When did the world start spinning so fast?
Dimitri…
My knees wobble a bit and I stagger roughly into Jer who's immediately on alert. He gives off a loud almost howling bark that would make anyone stop in their tracks. He gives off another as my world tilts and my knees buckle under me. He barks again, except this time it turns into a howl.
He sounds so heart broken… it's okay Jer. I'll be okay. Sh…. He's still howling, I think I hear my name. Jer, I love you, you're going to be alright.
"ROZA!" definitely my name. I try to focus, when did I get to the floor? Does it even matter? It'll be over soon, no more pain, no more sadness. I'm going to be okay.
Warm hands are on my face. I try to focus on the face in front of mine. Dimitri? He's frantically calling my name, asking me what's wrong. Jericho is frantic, he's trying to pull Dimitri but Dimitri's too busy trying to talk to me.
"The clinic, I need to get you to the clinic!" Jericho lets out another howl as Dimitri picks me up.
I try to focus on his face. I try so hard to see his features just so I can see him smile. That's all I want: his happiness.
"Come on, look at me, Roza, please." Every time I try to open my eyes everything goes blurry, I can barely make out the outline of his face. Why are my fingers so numb?
"I love you Roza, please…," He sounds so desperate, so hurt, is he… is he crying? Please don't cry. I love you too. You're going to be alright, I promise.
I really do try to look at him, to smile at him and tell him I love him. I try so hard… but suddenly all I can see is a warm room, all I can hear is laughter.
What is this?
I blink harshly, it's Christmas. When did that happen? I don't understand. I look around and the first thing that comes into focus is Dimitri, he's playing the guitar. In front of him sits a group of young children, all under the age of eight, maybe nine. Two of the kids stand out, both of them have my hair and his eyes.
My heart skips. They're ours. How I know that, I have no clue, but I know it as a fact. They're so beautiful… my eyes well with tears. I look around the room, it's illuminated by a roaring fire place, and all around is our family.
My mother, and his clan from Russia, Lissa and Christian, Eddie, Mia and Adrian. There's a few people I don't recognize but I feel the same familial attachment that I do to everyone else.
There's a Christmas tree up and the whole place is decorated and smells like warm cookies and eggnog.
I had never realized how much I wanted this. I still want this. A family, our family, Dimitri's and mine. They're ours and I want it so much to see him singing Christmas songs to the kids.
"So this is your dream huh?" I look up sharply to see Adrian is standing beside me, not frozen beside a tall girl, smiling at the group of kids.
"Yeah, I think it is." I murmur softly, suddenly consumed by the abstract feeling of dreaming.
"Rose you have to wake up." He says seriously, I turn to look at him, I can feel his spirit, barely holding him here.
"I can't, Adrian, I'm dying." I turn to look back over the scene, pausing to watch Dimitri's face. "I've been sick a while now, and it is my time to go, Adrian."
"No." He gets angry, he grabs my shoulder and turns me to look at him. "You're not dying." He growls, I smile sadly.
"Yeah, Adrian, I am, it's okay, I'm not hurting anymore." I smile up at him before leaning up to kiss his cheek. "You're a great man, and you're going to be alright." I suddenly feel frozen, it's time he goes. "Do me a favor, tell them I love them, both of them, they're my heart and I don't regret any of it, I just wish I had more time with them." I smile sadly. "Promise?"
He's crying, his hands tight on my shoulder, but he nods. "I will." He sniffs. I smile. Mason is standing a bit away behind him.
"Good, now go, I'm going to be okay." I smile and push him, he looks surprised as he disappears from the room.
"Rose." Mason calls, I look up at him and I smile. I walk toward him and he holds his hand out to me, I hesitate a moment, stopping to look back at the love filled room, before I turn back and take his hand.
Everything goes black.