Arouse (Part 2)

- Ok, Amelia, everything's good, we continue?
Carina's voice before me comes out of my reverie and my internal questions
- Yes, I'm fine…
- Ok, we already have beautiful shots, but I would like to try something else… your guitar against you.. from the front… we use your hair to cover you…
Amelia puts her head back against the wall in front of her, remaining silent for a few moments before we see an « ok » escape from her.
She turns directly in front of us and my blood is a trick, my heart pounding as I discover her chest in front of me… completely discovered…
But this image only appears for a few moments as she hastens to replace her guitar in front of her and let her hair fall on both sides.
- Hold your guitar well… for your hair, it's good like that.
The strap of her guitar covers part of her chest while her hair is placed in front of her and protect her… but my eyes scrutinize that part of her body where only the points of her hair conceal her, and I guess the sensual curve that I had just discovered…

My heartbeat is racing and I recognize the effects that come alive in my body like the bubbling that is born deep within me.
A part of my body only needs to react, remembering violently to me, and referring me to my own weaknesses.
I breathe as deeply as possible to control these reactions of a man who were clearly forbidden to me… when the person who triggers them is none other than the one I must protect.
- Okay, look at me…
I try to detach myself from the scene to focus only on the sounds: Carina's words, the clicks escaping from the camera.
I don't know how much time passes while I kept my eyes down, slightly hidden behind Carina, avoiding Amelia in front of me… until the photographer calls me.
- Owen, do you want to get up and put yourself here?
I raise my head, surprised that she's talking to me and she's asking me something.
- Excuse me?
She turns to me, pointing to the direction of her hand.
- If you could put yourself here, it would give Amelia a benchmark.
My legs move without my brain making my move and I find myself standing, at the place indicated by Carina.
- Thank you… Amelia: you will place your left hand against the neck of your guitar… and the other on your guitar case without touching the strings, keep a part of your chest just hidden by your hair…however, you don't fix the objective, but you look at Owen, all right?
Amelia nods and her gaze suddenly finds mine.
My eyes don't wander but remain immersed in these two blue eyes that fix me… I detect after a few seconds a spark to dazzle and sparkle, fascinating me literally.
- Keep this look, honey, it's superb …
I feel quickly react under the intensity of this look.
A heat invades me.
But this time it's not what I guess of her shape that overwhelms me but a piercing look sending me a veil of mystery that I would have liked to surround.
A few flashes g off and surround Amelia with a brief intermittent light.
I guess a slight smile on her face as she watches me.
- Beautiful, Amelia…
Carina's remark echoes in my head… as if reading in my thoughts.
My gaze wanders suddenly in the sweeping as a whole in front of me, before finding her face and her eyes that send me an amused glow… as if she saw clearly in my inner struggle and those few seconds of weakness she had just observed.
- Ok, I think we have beautiful material.. we can stop! Do you get dressed and look at the rushes together?
- It works…
Amelia answers by smiling at me and I quickly look down and join my stool a few steps.
When I turn around, Amelia has already disappeared behind the screen and Carina connects her camera to her laptop to load the shots.
Amelia soon reappears dressed again in the outfit she had on arriving.
She goes straight to Carina, concentrated on her laptop.
- So what does it give? Hastens to ask Amelia.
- Judge for yourself…
Amelia is placed in front of her screen and I guess the scrolling shots take place under her eyes.
- You are a magician, Carina…
- The model has a big role in the success of a photo you know…
Amelia just smiles at her remark.
- I made color and black and white versions but the black and white really returns something special and I think it will be perfect for your poster… I love this one, you have a look… I don't know what you thought but this glint in your eyes is really beautiful…
- You did an incredible job Carina, thank you… I'm not disappointed with the result.
- Thank you for trusting me, I send you the prints as soon as I can and you can make your choice okay?
- Okay…
Amelia picks up her guitar and walks over to Carina to give her a kiss.
- Thank you again, Carina, you do wonder each time.
- It's a pleasure to work with you, you know it.
I leave my stool feeling that the moment to take off has arrived.
I get closer to the front door, opening it to let out Amelia.
She finally joins me while her friend photographer makes me a hand sign.

We find the hallway of the building and quickly enter the elevator.
The silence settles in this confined place and our looks are looked for but are avoided quickly as if we were both embarrassed by what had happened during these two hours.
The doors of the elevator open in front of us and we leave in a few moments of the building.
Amelia holds her guitar in her case in her hand and I guide her, one hand behind her back, to the car waiting for us.
- Relieved? I finally ask her while we have several hundred meters to go.
- Yes, that went well… I'm not used to doing this kind of shooting.
- You could have warned me…
- To do what?
- If you were uncomfortable, I would have understood: I could have left you and waited at the door.
- You didn't seem really ready to leave your place… and besides, you proved useful…
Her first remark leaves me pensive and I take a look in her direction: would she have perceived my disorder? I should not, in any case, let her show that I was weak for a few minutes, to the point of forgetting almost all my duty…
I don't reply as we arrive at the car and let her settle, joining my place.
Jackson already has a hand on the wheel, while addressing us.
- So this shoot?
- It should give something nice, but Owen is a better judge than me as a spectator…
Jackson starts and we quickly leave the Capital Hill area towards Amelia's house.
- Owen… so?
I didn't respond to the remark made by Amelia, but Jackson didn't miss an opportunity to tickle me… he was always as teasing as when we were teammates on missions.
He looks at me sideways until I give my opinion… which turned out to be rather complicated.
This one question is enough to remind me of the photo shoot: the images scroll in my head… and I try to chase them as soon as possible.
- I'm not sure of being a good judge as you say… your fans will do it better than me…
- Do you have an opinion O'?
I throw a look at Jackson as to make him understand not to insist…
- If I wasn't to my advantage, tell me Owen because I would not like to ridicule myself with this poster.
She seemed to doubt… to believe that she didn't finally suspect how much I had bubbled from the inside.
- Completely to your advantage and even more than that… I finish by answering her, ending in a whisper.
I meet Amelia's surprised look through the rearview mirror when the ringing of her phone interrupts our exchange.
She takes the call and engages in a conversation that will take place during the ten minutes necessary to reach her home… a call with Richard where she reviewed with him several details about this upcoming concert that seemed so anxious.
She ends the call while Jackson parks to let us down.
- You remain available if we need you.
- No problem O'. See you soon Amelia.
- Thank you, Jackson.
I quickly get out of the car and guide Amelia back to the house, taking care to go in first as it became customary.

Footsteps quickly down the stairs and I discover April all smiles and visibly delighted to see us again.
- Ha, here you are, so this photoshoot? Do you have shots to show me?
- No, not yet, Carina must sort and send me the ones she has selected for me to make my choice.
- Shame, I would have liked to see that. How did you find Owen? Knowing Carina, she must have wanted to try different poses, one that you liked more than others perhaps?
One that pleased me more than another?
A glance…
Unveiled forms…
Curves that I caught myself redrawing…
I feel suddenly relive the sensations that struck me earlier in the day… and only one wants to escape.
- Owen?
- Yes… Amelia did very well… excuse me, I will run a little, I didn't have time to do my jogging this morning.
I disappear as quickly as I can, not giving them time to react, to change me in a hurry. I go down after a few minutes: I hear their voice in the living room but I go straight without stopping.
I find the outside air, the feeling of space and freedom around me.
My strides are set up gradually and I run without any specific goal, but allowing the tensions to escape… I run faster than I should… but the need to let off steam is stronger than anything.
All these images of this morning parade in my head and I feel nervousness dawn… a nervousness direct towards myself and towards those reactions that I had had the weakness to feel.
In front of this woman who has revealed herself, in front of these forms that I have more than guessed, these desires that I have manifested themselves.
Just thinking about it makes me react again…
I arrive at the edge of the lake and I go down the stairs at full speed.
Once arrived down, I attack the rise of this long series of stairs in order to exhaust me and block me all these prohibited reactions.
I arrive so at the top of this climb, the breath almost cut, the T-shirt sticking to my chest under the effect of the sweat that appeared during my effort.
I don't stop so long, not giving me time to find normal breathing and I unconsciously resume the path of Amelia's house. I recognize the surroundings of her house after several minutes and end my stride once at the top of the steps.
I stay a few moments behind the door to gradually regain my breath and a « normal » heart rate.
My body left forces in this race that I had just imposed... to exhaust myself and stop all those memories that I had to forget.

After a minute, I decided to go back…
The silence greets me, I notice the silhouette of April in the living room, a book in hand but I continue my way without lingering.
I join the bathroom and take a quick shower to clean the traces of this effort that I had inflected myself as a punishment.
A punishment that I conclude with a cold shower to get rid of this experience that should not be repeated.
I get out of the shower and surround myself with a towel tied at the waist, another around my neck after drying my hair quickly: I realize then that I didn't take any spare clothes in my haste; and in any case, I could not put back the clothes I had just left.
I sigh in front of my own negligence and go out of the bathroom with the hope of reaching my room as soon as possible.
I close the bathroom door, one hand propped against my waist to hold the towel.
When I turn around, I discover with surprise Amelia a few meters in front of me, leaving her room the guitar in her hand.
She continues to advance after seeing me, but her steps are not so big… less assured.
I stay for my part, root to the spot, my hand against the towel wriggling a little more.
I watch her progress almost shyly, her eyes avoiding mine… but I notice that her eyes are looking something other than my face as I feel drops of my hair dripping down my chest.
She stops suddenly a few steps from me… her gaze seems stuck on a specific part of my body and I quickly understand that she is watching my scars… especially those running along my ribs. My free arm sticks against my side to cover these marks of another life while two blue eyes find my eyes…
- Amelia, tell me, can I borrow a dress for tonight?
The voice of April rises suddenly.
Amelia turns around and discovers her friend, arriving at the top of the stairs and seeing us in the middle of the hallway.
- I am disturbing?
- No, not at all, I was going to join my composition room and…
I perceive April advance in the back of Amelia and discover me a little more in turn.
- And you have been glued on discovering what is hidden under these pants.
I feel even worse with this piercing look from April.
- Muscular just right, where it has to…
My free hand place reflexively on my stomach… as if to protect me from indiscreet eyes.
- Excuse me, you allow that…
- April, come on we'll go downstairs have tea…
Amelia takes her friend by the hand and leads her down the stair again, giving me an opportunity to join my room, without having to endure this unpleasant situation for me any longer.

I quickly close the door of my room and let my head fall against… eyes close a few seconds.
And the image that greets me is color.
This intense and mysterious blue.
This glow that radiates a face.
And that troubles me already more than it should.
Because this trouble just did not reach me.
I had to protect myself from the strength of the sparks that hit me today.
To become… insensitive.

Untouchable.