.:1:.

What You Think Of Yourself Matters

Cody Martin winced at the sound of extremely loud cheering that swirled around him. It always took him a second to get used to the noise. Get used to it being directed at him rather than being the one who was doing the cheering. Used to sitting in the stands instead of being on the player's bench. Used to watching the game instead of playing it.

Or maybe he was just nervous.

Cody pulled at the neck of his basketball jersey. It felt constricting despite being at least half a size too big. Self-consciousness could be a bitch sometimes. It was senior year and his second year on the high school basketball team. He should've been used to it by now, but truth be told he hadn't always been coordinated. Memories of playing on his middle school's team flashed in his mind and he cringed. That was so long ago, but close enough that he absolutely hated it when it was brought up. From not knowing which direction to go in to calling out their secret play out loud, to getting hit in the head with a basketball to make a shot.

And that was all in one game.

There were plenty of other games, and plenty of other mishaps and screw-ups that he had managed to do. They played in his mind at the worst of times and made him laugh at the best. His peers came up to congratulate him after a good game and share in his misery after a particularly bad one. It was strange to him, everyone now seeing him as an asset to the team and being a jock. That was Zack's turf. He did everything so well.

Well, other than getting on the team in the first place, Cody thought. He remembered how much it bummed his brother out when he had first tried out for the high school team. It was already different. You got on the middle school team when you showed up to the first practice and worked through the fundamentals there. But the high school team was more rigorous; they won championships and tournaments and wanted to keep winning. They needed the best of the best. So even when Zack was the best of the middle school team—with the ego to back it up—he hadn't been the best for the high school team and found himself on the bench.

Cody remembered Zack being so humiliated and hoped their mother wouldn't go to the game. Cody didn't really want her there either—as enthusiastic and excited as he was for it—being on the cheerleading team when he couldn't make any other sports team at the time made Cody feel the tiniest bit of shame. What hurt worse was seeing that his dad, once again, couldn't make it.

At least now he was able to redeem himself. He and Tapeworm actually became part of the starting lineup of the team, along with Zack and a few other players and they played for most of the game. Now with only a few minutes left, Cody felt his heart racing as much as he was sure everyone else's was. This was a really important game to win. With the season lasting until the beginning of February they needed this to get a step closer to the district championships. And if they won that, they'd move onto the state championships.

Statistically speaking, knowing the stats of the all of the players on his team as well as looking up the stats of the opposing team, Cody knew they had a pretty good chance of getting there. But he crunched the numbers time and time again, knowing a 'pretty good chance' wasn't the best thing to go off of. There were so many variables that needed to go into it, more tests, more—

"Martin! You're in!"

Cody blinked but didn't move.

It took a second for him to realize that Coach Carpenter was speaking to him and not Zack. Looking up, Cody noticed that Zack was frantically motioning towards him to get on the floor. Then Cody glanced at the clock. Oh. Only five minutes left and the score was tied. Oh God. He was being sent in. Was this a good idea? Didn't they know he wasn't actually an athlete? Didn't they know he had only just joined the team the year before and that putting him in a position to fail was just going to…end up in failure?

"Let's go, Cody!" He could hear his mother yell from the stands. "That's my son! And that's my other son!"

On the court Zack slapped his hand over his face and shook his head all at the same time Cody made the same motion. There was something about mother's cheering for their kids that was always a little bit embarrassing no matter how old they got. Cody glanced at the stands and quickly waved to his mother, smiling when he saw Arwin Hochouser waving just as enthusiastically and his father sitting nearby, acting like he didn't know either of them.

Cody searched the stands for his friends then, and found them easily. Bailey Pickett was standing on the floor of the court with a camera in her hands, taking pictures for the year book. Janice and Jessica Ellis and Rhuben Jackson were standing on the side of the court with the dance team. Max Montgomery and Crystal Manning were sitting with the girls' basketball team whose game ended before theirs with a winning score of 97-82. Cody craned his neck to find Riley, Rhuben's twin and Crystal's cousin, finding her quietly slip into the gym, bag slung over her shoulder and her wet hair draping over her shoulder. Obviously the swim meet had just finished as the other swimmers pooled in around her.

As Cody trotted out onto the court along with cheering from the crowd, he took stock of his team. Zack, Tapeworm Michaels, Moose Dano, and Drew Watkins. Riley's and Rhuben's little brothers Patrick and Noah sat on the bench with the rest of the sophomores and freshmen, and their youngest brother Sydney was in the stands with their cousin Aaron.

Everyone was there.

And now he had to play in front of all of them.

Tapeworm patted Cody on the shoulder as he jogged past.

Cody smiled his thanks. He and Tapeworm had shocked the school when they managed to make the team, going from geeks to jocks…with geeky tendencies. If there was anyone he was glad to have on the team more than Zack, it was his best friend. Zack nodded and reached out his hand as Cody approached and Cody smiled, slapping his hand into Zack's.

With renewed energy he moved to the shooting position on the court to take his free throw shots. He glanced at the clock again and knew what he had to do. Make the two shots then hold onto the ball for the last five minutes. If he managed to get the first shot and not the second, make sure they were able to at least get another two pointer then run out the clock.

Better a close win than going into overtime, Cody reminded himself of Coach Carpenter's words. He took in a deep breath and nodded for the referee to pass him the ball. With the ball in hand Cody bounced it a few times to get a feel of it; to mentally calculate how much air was still inside due to the force he had to exert for a bounce back up to his hip, using that to then calculate the perfect amount of force and angle to make a perfect basket.

After a few moments he figured it out and brought both hands to the ball. Bending his knees, Cody focused on the backboard and hoop. He took another deep breath, this time being sure to completely fill his lungs before letting it out. Then he shot the ball.

Swish.

A cheer rang up through the gym. Cody reached up to run a hand through his hair when the referee grabbed the ball and bounced it to Cody once more. It took him a little bit longer to go through the same motions this time but he did it again.

Swish.

Cody grinned but didn't have time to congratulate himself as the other team managed to get the ball.

They ran it down to the other side of the court but the Cheevers team played defense better in those last five minutes. The other team was forced to pass the ball back and forth time and time again as time ran out. When it was down to the last minute and a half Drew launched himself forward and blocked a pass.

The audience erupted as he drove the ball towards the basket with the other team chasing after him. Drew passed the ball to Moose who held it off for a few seconds before passing it over to Tapeworm who, with his height, had great ease with it as well. Tapeworm then passed the ball over to Cody.

45 seconds left.

Cody glanced towards the basket and the players spread out underneath it, there was a good chance to keep the ball and make another shot. But was it worth it? If he missed the other team would get the ball and maybe even make a three pointer which would tie and leave the chance in overtime for them to win.

"Cody!"

Without looking up, Cody tossed the ball in the direction of Zack's voice. It was amazing. Somehow while the two were on court they were able to tell where each other was without giving half of a thought to it. It was as if one minute no one was there at an empty part of the court then they would suddenly appear.

Cody looked over, getting himself to an empty part of the court and watched as Zack caught the ball and expertly tossed it back and forth between his legs before breaking to the side.

"Zack!" Cody called.

He was still free and open.

"Zack, over here!"

10 seconds left.

Zack flicked his hair from his face then tossed the ball with an around the back pass to Cody. Cody took it and stepped to the side as an opposing player leapt at him. He took a shot. The ball bounced off the rim and started to fall. Tapeworm then leapt up and grabbed the ball, shooting again.

Swish.

The alarm blared and the gym erupted with loud cheers.

Cody couldn't help but smile. He knew it would work. Tapeworm's height worked well, especially with his wing span. As long as he moved to the right positioning it'd work and it had.

Soon, the team was swept up in a flurry of pats on the back, hugs, cheers, and congratulations. Through the whole audience he found his mother cheering at the top of her lungs, telling anyone that would listen how her sons had won, Arwin sang a high-pitched note at the top of his lungs as he always did when they won, and Kurt was clapping and cheering as well, all the while still pretending he didn't know who Carey was amongst her high energy.

Then Cody was surrounded by his friends. "Winner's hugs," Bailey declared before enveloping each boy in a tight sweet. "And,"—she waved her camera around—"I got it all on camera."

"That's good or else Zack would kill you for not getting the shot," Riley remarked once finishing giving her hugs.

Zack smiled and crossed his arms. "Normally I would agree with you but, it wasn't me, it was Cody." He nodded to his brother. "He was the one who made sure the win happened. He's the big hero. I'm proud of you, man."

"Thanks, Zack," Cody replied.

He didn't hear it nearly enough. He and Zack were never ones to express themselves like that. (No matter how much Zack made fun of him for being 'too soft').

"Aww, that was so sweet," Janice said.

"Really, really, sweet," Jessica parroted.

"So, let's go to dinner to celebrate," Max suggested.

"Great, is it on you?" Tapeworm asked his girlfriend with a teasing smile. She rolled her eyes and nudged him on the side.

"Excuse me, but we won our game too," Crystal pointed out.

"And we won our swim meet," Riley added.

"Okay, so food is on everyone that wasn't playing a game today," Rhuben said. She rolled her eyes then thought for a moment. "If Carey and Kurt don't get to it first."

Zack snorted. "Our mom still insists on buying our clothes from Cheap Charlie's in bulk because they come with a six months supply of air filters."

"Remind me of home," Moose said. Bailey nodded eagerly in agreement."Do they give you stacks of hay, too?"

Zack looked at them in confusion, shaking his head.

Cody laughed.

"Let's get changed and get our stuff first and then we can figure it out," Bailey suggested. "I need to get a few quotes from the coach anyway and I have a feeling he's going to be talking for a while."

They all agreed and Cody turned to make his way to the locker rooms. He felt an arm slip through his and looked down at Rhuben, who smiled back at him.

"So is this like the whole football player and head cheerleader thing?" He asked.

She shook her head. "We don't have a football team, mate," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but basketball is just as big here."

"I reckon you're right." She patted him on the arm. "But something tells me it's just going to get bigger. You played great today."

"That's what everyone's saying."

"But you don't believe it.

Cody came to a stop and turned to her. "I guess it's a little bit harder to get out of the mindset that I'm still just a nerd."

"You're not just a nerd, Cody. You're much more than that. But I guess at this point it's for you to figure out on your own."

Nodding, Cody watched Zack, who was talking to Moose as they passed through the doors to go back to the locker room. He couldn't help but immediately wonder if he was out of breath at all, feeling weak, or needed to take a break before they went out.

It had taken a long while for Zack to get back to the strength he originally has, for him to get the bill of health to get back on the team. And yet Cody worried because he was a realist. In basketball no matter how many times they won there was always a chance for a bad day and their loss.

Just like basketball, there was the chance for Zack to have a bad day and fall off the wagon again.

But this time Cody was going to be there for him.

Cody's Log

I haven't done these in a while. I guess I've just been so busy. Basketball practice and the holidays have made everything so hectic lately. Not to mention all of the clubs and teams I'm part of. Of course that's just part of the academics that I've managed to accomplish over the past couple of years. Not to mention the inventions and breakthroughs I've managed to do.

For a while all of that seemed to be unimportant since Zack got sick. I just wanted to be sure everything was okay. And when they were I went right back into it. That makes me sound heartless in a way, but everyone reacts to grief differently. Not to say grief is only for those that have passed, you can grieve and mourn for a lot of things, I guess I started to grieve for our childhood.

I'll admit it wasn't the best. There were many days where Zack and I could come home from school and find out we were moving again. To a new school, to a new life where we would have to start all over again. Then there were the times we came home to find out that we being kicked out of our apartment and would need to live in our mini-van for a while. Looking back on it now I have a lot of appreciation to give to mom because she never made things out to be as bad as they were. She would make it seem like an adventure. I knew people typically lived in their houses and not in their cars, and that they didn't have nightmares of the homeless men that would peek in their car windows at night.

Still, she did her best to keep us from feeling different.

It was around that time that I started working on these logs; the guidance counselor at one of the schools suggested I do it to work through my thoughts and fears. They were started in notebooks, of which I'd ask mom for an extra one for my schools supplies to do it. Then once computers became more prevalent I switched them there. Sometimes I like to go back and look at the entries I had back then. Most of them had to do with how much fun Zack and I had that day, because we didn't have many friends. Others were of how lonely I felt because we didn't have friends. Then there were the ones where I was angry at Zack or my mom or my dad for whatever reason. (In retrospect they were petty but how can one that young comprehend there was more to life than having your Fruit-by-the-Foot stolen?)

They helped me so much through those formative years; maybe it'll give me some peace of mind now. They seemed to have helped Zack, I continuously see him at the end of the day writing things down. I'll admit I'm curious to know what he talks about in them; there've been plenty of times where he'd try to look over my shoulder to see mine. He made fun of them long enough.

But now they've been working for him.

And I'm glad.

-C.M.

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has alerted, favorited, and reviewed. I'm glad there are still people interested in this story despite how long it took for me to get back to it. There were many edits to this chapter from what I originally had, for example there was a scene with Drew, Zack, and Cody that I took out as I felt it wouldn't fit anymore as well as a scene with Carey and Kurt.

That's not to say they won't show up later, though. I hope you liked this one.

Cheers,

-Riles