A/N: After a long haitus…

Clarke woke up slowly with the last of her hazy dreams fading from memory. It was a good, soft sleep that was almost too good to wake from, but of course, real life was something else to look forward to entirely.

Her eyes opened upon sunlight filtering in on coffee-colored walls. A warm weight told her there was a hand draped lazily across her stomach - a hand that wasn't hers - but Clarke was hardly surprised. Lexa and she were running into a routine as of late, falling asleep next to one another. Far from feeling her space was intruded upon, Clarke was deriving comfort from the added warmth of the stray limb.

Clarke was still on her back, no longer propped up by the pillow she'd brought in the previous night. She turned her head towards Lexa, trying carefully not to move the rest of her body with her movements. She'd stilled safely and watched the girl's eyelids flutter.

Lexa was still on at least one pillow from her tower of them, but she was on her side facing Clarke. There was no sign she'd woken up, and Clarke had no intention of bringing her out of a much-needed rest. The girl's cheeks were still rosy with fever, and Clarke frowned, hand almost itching to touch her forehead and check Lexa's condition for herself.

She sat staring at the fevered girl until suddenly, Lexa was moving again and rolling towards Clarke. She stopped only when her head was nestled on Clarke's shoulder. A few strands of her hair tickled Clarke's skin, and she had to suppress the urge to squirm and wake Lexa. A more enchanting sensation erupted in her chest when the girl settled, but Clarke couldn't describe it.

Admittedly, she'd been thinking about Lexa constantly. It was small moments like this that really toyed with her heart. On one hand, like she'd told herself before, she loved having such a good friend that she trusted and felt completely comfortable with. She hadn't been so tight with anybody since Raven, and that was unusual and wonderful for her. But behind this comfort was the sinking feeling that all would go sideways as it always did whenever Clarke started to think too hard about a straight girl.

The feeling struck her gut hard. Really, any straight female friends that had found out her sexuality never seemed to act the same around her. What if, once the secret was revealed, Lexa acted like the others? It'd happened before. No more casual touching, no more hugging or really any kind of physical contact, and if there was, there was the flinching away that typically followed. What was it about straight people that made them assume you were into them automatically? Moreover, what was so bad about her sexuality that people automatically assumed she was a huge sexual predator out to sleep with everybody?

Fucking ridiculous, Clarke told herself, trying to lessen the anger she felt in her heart. She'd hoped with all her might that Lexa wouldn't be one of those people, the kind that felt "betrayed" that she didn't come right out to them. What a sorry excuse for homophobia. Hopefully, Lexa would just ignore that part of her and act like everything was normal.

Clarke tried to breathe deeply and close her eyes again, but her body was having none of it. Instead, she asked herself another question that was constantly nagging in her mind.

Did she want Lexa to care about her sexuality?

She wanted to fight herself every way on this, but Clarke couldn't help but think back on their friendship as of late. Lexa wasn't exactly shying away from her when Clarke got carried away and forgot about the concept of personal space. Clarke kept a guarded heart when it came to (anything close to) falling for people, and she feared that Lexa was beginning to become one of those people. She'd tried her hardest to convince herself it was purely friendship, but the way Lexa could do the strangest things to heart with a look alone told her she was feeling otherwise. And it killed her inside.

Falling for straight girls was strictly off-limits; this had been Clarke's rule since day one. She forced herself to daydream for a while about her options, and came to the conclusion that she needed to let whatever crush had developed die a slow death and to just enjoy a close friendship.

Either that, or figure out whether Lexa's sexuality reached beyond the heteronormative or not.

But, she already knew her chances were slim to none, and there was no way she would outright disrespect her friend's privacy and ask. That was just in bad taste.

She went back to hoping these new feelings would die in the meantime. It was just hard, you know, when Lexa did adorable things like bury her nose into the fabric of Clarke's shirt, lips tucked there. It was hard when the brunette slid her hand from Clarke's stomach to the side of her ribs so that they were pressed closer against each other closer. It was especially hard when she realized Lexa was a full-body snuggler.

Clarke nearly let out a noise when Lexa's thigh slid lazily between hers, but her heart in her throat choked any words that threatened to leave. It was hard because it was moments like these that let loose all her precautionary thoughts and made room for the less welcome ideas on how only to increase their skin-to-skin contact.

The death of her feelings might go a little slow. Baby steps, Clarke supposed. On the one hand, some part of Clarke told her she should stay on alert and put that gaydar of hers to good use. She'd retired it upon the premise that gay stereotypes were just stereotypes, and that not every girl wearing Vans and a backward cap was gay, but hey – it wouldn't hurt anyone if she looked for small signs like that in Lexa.

Sleep-Lexa was decidedly dangerous, but Clarke really couldn't find a proper way to slip out of her hold without waking her. The girl was laying on her shoulder in such a way, however, that Clarke would've had to roll her arm out from under Lexa to move.

It was a rough situation, really; Clarke had originally planned to innocently watch the sunrise and brood before her friend had interrupted her thoughts. To maybe watch the golden light reflect on Lexa's face and observe how her skin absolutely glowed in the golden light of dawn. The sun highlighted freckles there as brightly as it revealed glimmering dust particles in the light. She could get lost gazing into the face before her, but Clarke had such little resistance in her this morning that she decided it was alright if she stared a little.

No one said the strange things she'd begun feeling had to disappear immediately anyway, Clarke told herself. Besides, the depressing thoughts about Lexa's impending reaction was leaving her feeling a little needy.

She would surely start tomorrow, but for now, she brought her own arm to secure Lexa's arm around her stomach, her other hand tangling in the brunette's mess of hair. Clarke finally felt more at ease and allowed her suppressed feelings some satisfaction for once, ignoring the nagging thoughts she'd woken with at the back of her head, and felt so calm and relaxed that she fell asleep once more.

Well, nearly. Her daydreams were about to give way to real dreams again, but a pained sound came from the woman tightly holding onto her. Clarke watched Lexa's eyes open in confusion first, and then close for a moment in relaxation once she realized her friend had turned into her own personal pillow. Something tugged at Clarke's chest again.

Lexa made no move to let her go, not even when she stretched her legs and seemed to realize right along with Clarke just exactly where the lower halves of their bodies had positioned themselves. Still, Lexa remained.

Clarke thought perhaps Lexa was too tired to properly realize their positions, but all she did was search between Clarke's eyes silently, perhaps asking if the other girl was uncomfortable at all. Clarke held her gaze.

"You're going to get my flu," Lexa asked finally, so hoarse that her voice sounded almost squeaky. Clarke smiled, wanting to laugh at how nonexistent her vocal chords were, but she also knew it must hurt to speak.

"You're not trying very hard to keep your germs from me," Clarke pointed out to her. Her finger tapped out a small pattern on Lexa's forearm for emphasis. Remembering the kiss that had been planted on her cheek, she added, "Apparently getting high on cough syrup makes you affectionate, too."

Lexa's face quickly turned red even despite her flush, and she buried her face in the pillow beside Clarke's shoulder. A muffled, "Sorry," could be heard.

She could feel Lexa starting to extract her limbs, but Clarke stilled her arm. "I'm only kidding! It was adorable, really. You told me all your deepest secrets, and it was a good time."

"What?" Lexa raised herself upright on her elbow faster than Clarke would've expected she could in her state and took her arm back. Her previously flushed face had turned pale white, and Clarke nearly grew a worried herself. "What do you mean?"

"About you being adorable? Or your dark secrets?" Clarke asked. Okay, so that was probably pushing it. Lexa was searching Clarke's face, glancing down at their bodies that now rested parallel to one another, and back down at Clarke's face again, which was presently smirking.

Lexa squinted at her. "You're fucking with me aren't you?"

"Yeah, sorry," Clarke but her lip in order not to laugh at the way normal colors were returning to Lexa's face. "I'm a little concerned now. What are you hiding in your closet?"

"Closet?"

"You know, your skeletons. In said closet."

Lexa rolled her eyes, not to be baited and fooled again. She'd composed herself and had a mischievous look in her eye. "Well, there is one thing I haven't told. It concerns you, actually."

"Excuse me?" Clarke asked, feigning disinterest. Or at least, alarm.

On the inside, a frightening feeling struck her chest. She didn't know if it was anticipation or anxiety, and her mind went on a fast derailment down thoughts on whether Lexa's secret had anything to do with Clarke's earlier contemplations, or how she should react if it was what she thought it was. Did Lexa already know her secret? Whatever it was, Clarke willed Lexa to spit it out already so that the sudden thumping in her chest would stop.

Lexa was reveling in the battle Clarke's face was fighting to stay unconcerned, waiting until she gave in and asked. Clarke rolled her eyes. "What's the secret?"

"First, promise you won't be upset," Lexa insisted, dawning a serious expression and looking Clarke in the eye. It was becoming harder to keep up her neutral expression.

"Of course," Clarke obliged, growing nervous now that she had to say so. She obliged and even held out her pinky for the official swear.

"Okay, here goes," Lexa said and sighed for dramatic effect. "Did you ever hear the loud thumps on your floor?"

"What? Yes?" Clarke asked, confused.

"When Anya was living here, she used to bang the broom against the ceiling because she could hear every little sound coming out of your apartment." Clarke remained silent, so Lexa continued, "It drove me nuts and woke me up all the time."

"That's your big juicy secret?" Clarke asked, dumbfounded that she'd got her feeling nervous and excited for nothing.

"Okay, not that juicy, but I like to see you sweat," Lexa smirked.

It hadn't been what she was expecting, but a maybe more serious secret-exchanging session could be held another day. She feigned offence. "Sorry I was so noisy."

"Oh, trust me – you weren't. Anya has, like, supersonic hearing or something, like magic. I've heard nothing but her obnoxious, rude banging. I'm just sorry you had to put up with it, too."

"Huh," Clarke stated and sat up. Lexa joined her and they sat in the pile of blankets. "That makes so much more sense."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Raven totally thought it was you, and-"

"And what?" she asked when Clarke stopped short.

"Nothing," she assured Lexa. "Secrets for another day."

Lexa pouted, but Clarke reminded her she was sick and start taking care of herself for the day. "I'm positive it's time for another dose of antibiotics by now."

Lexa agreed, but still looked like she didn't want to move. In fact, she was taking the blankets up around her shoulders and searching for the thermometer, popping it in when she found it under a pillow. It read 102.0 degrees Fahrenheit still, to which Clarke frowned upon.

"I don't know why you let me cling to you all night," Lexa said sheepishly, a blanket covering her mouth as she got settled into it and pulled it around her. "You're going to be the one sick in bed next."

"First of all, I don't know about you, but I was pretty comfortable," she said, but Lexa became suddenly interested in looking up at the ceiling instead of Clarke. "Second of all, some of us have nagging mothers who convince us to get flu shots in advance. I think I'll be fine. Besides, even if I did get sick, I'm sure you'd be there to help."

Lexa looked up at her again and nodded with a grateful look. It was a bit comical considering over three fourths of her body were now wrapped up in a flannel blanket, trying to derive the same warmth from it that Clarke's body heat had previously supplied.

"You should try for a warm shower, maybe that'll make you feel better," Clarke suggested.

Lexa had nodded and soon left the cover of the sheets for the bathroom, leaving Clarke to her thoughts. She could hear the sound of the water starting and the shower curtain being shuffled, and closed her eyes.

Clarke went back to daydream land, thinking selfishly and more determinedly about finding any hint of "gay" around Lexa or her apartment, getting lost making a mental list of possible hints, while the sound of the water shutting off registered in the back of her mind.

She sat up, realized that Lexa hadn't brought any extra clothes into the bathroom, and smirked. She opened her mouth to say something smart, but heard something on the other side of the bathroom door.

A thud.

A/N: Honestly guys writing block just happens sometimes, and sometimes it lasts a year like this. My sincerest apologies bc this story is really fun to write and I got caught up with girl problems and my impending graduation and didn't have time to come back, but I had this chapter saved on my computer for over a year so I'm posting it ASAP.

THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE SWEETEST AMOUNTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT IN THE FORM OF COMMENTS I HAVE EVER RECEIVED! I appreciate every reader so very much and I'm so glad some of you kept reminding me to update. Pls don't hate me too much for taking so long!