Rapid Revelation
DISCLAIMER: "Pride and Prejudice" will forever be beyond my reach, whether it is Ms. Austen's delightful novel or Joe Wright's 2005 film adaptation. This is merely a humble tribute.
NOTE:
This was the most difficult chapter to write because it basically tries to replace the big first proposal scene from the movie. But since there have been many significant changes in the plot and the characters' feelings, I had to make some major adjustments and re-watch certain scenes over and over again (which, of course, led to much distraction).
I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. Things have been crazy and hectic in real life and the content of the chapter was tricky. I have been working on this for weeks now but I'm glad I can finally post it.
I used some dialogue from the original proposal but given the changes the characters underwent, the tone in which some of these lines are spoken is less hostile or defensive. Likewise, since I've given Darcy an early epiphany on the dangers of insulting the Bennets, he does not do so here because he's learned to be a bit more considerate of Elizabeth's feelings. It's easier now that he's also more self-aware and humbled by what he heard in the previous chapter.
Elizabeth continues to be oblivious to Darcy's and her own feelings, which is always fun to write, if only to increase the tension. But rest assured, this will not drag on for too long. The endpoint is in sight, only a few more chapters to go, and I am going to wrap this story up before this year is out.
Reviews are most welcome as I am looking forward to reading what you think of this. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
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The weather took another turn for the worse a few days after Elizabeth and Charlotte's pleasant stroll and, once again, Elizabeth found herself confined to the house while Mrs. Collins went about her duties around the parish. She would have to find a way to amuse herself.
She spent the morning re-reading the last letters from Jane and her family. The post had not yet come in, so she had no recent news yet of what was taking place in Hertfordshire. She was not particularly eager to hear about home just yet since there were other things to think about while she was in Kent.
Her reverie was interrupted by a knock on the door and the subject of some of her musings entered the small house.
For the first time, Mr. Darcy's arrival was not unwelcome, and after the necessary greetings were exchanged, Elizabeth found that she was quite eager to converse with the gentleman. They had not spoken since his daring rescue of the Smith boy and after everything she had learned since then, she felt compelled to express her appreciation of his character.
But she was taken aback by his appearance: he exuded none of his usual calm and there was an urgency in his manner that piqued Elizabeth's curiosity.
She was unaccustomed to seeing Mr. Darcy in such a state of agitation. She had thought that his disheveled appearance not long ago when he had confronted her in the rain, was the most undignified she would ever see him. But his current appearance surpassed even that.
If anything, he looked positively miserable. She remembered jesting about his owning the "miserable half" of Derbyshire when they had first met but now she felt genuinely concerned about his welfare.
For a moment Elizabeth wondered if she had something to do with it. After all, this uncharacteristic behavior always seemed to take place in her presence.
But why should he lose his composure on her account? What influence could she have on his state of mind?
For someone usually so perceptive, Elizabeth was painfully oblivious to an evident partiality on the gentleman's part, much to the latter's disadvantage as he had also convinced himself that there was no possible way for him to accept any offer from him, not after what he had heard.
There was a crash of thunder that startled them both and the pitter patter of rain on the roof of the house was another distraction. Such sounds always reverberated more in small houses like the one they were currently confined to.
Their most significant interactions always seemed to take place during inclement weather, Elizabeth mused.
"Are you well, Mr. Darcy?" she asked in genuine concern.
"Quite well, I thank you," he replied unconvincingly, looking away from Elizabeth, as if struggling to gather his thoughts.
The silence between them persisted, accented by the sounds of the storm around them. After a few moments, when it seemed that he was incapable of initiating any conversation, Elizabeth decided to open a relatively safe subject.
"Mrs. Collins informed me of the service you rendered did for the Smiths," she began, "And I must commend you for yet another act of heroism. You seem to be in the habit of rescuing that family from ruin."
Darcy seemed surprised that Elizabeth knew about his involvement in that family's affairs and he was temporarily distracted from his true purpose. He was grateful that the conversation had opened with a relatively safe topic. Since he dreaded the lady's reaction to his prepared speech, he decided to continue discussing the Smiths for the time being.
"I only intervened so that they would be treated justly," he said modestly, "Such good people do not deserve to be driven to poverty because of one person's lapse in judgment."
"Not everyone would share such a point of view," Elizabeth remarked, "In fact, for many, association alone is enough to taint a whole family's reputation forever."
"That is unfortunately true," Darcy conceded gravely, "But I've come to believe that entire families need not be punished for the faults of a few."
Elizabeth found herself impressed by this declaration and she wondered what might have prompted such a reflection in a man who had always seemed to her such a harsh critic of others' failings.
"It might surprise you to learn, Miss Elizabeth," Darcy remarked somberly, noting her silence, "That I am not incapable of compassion."
The lady colored slightly, embarrassed that he had had some idea of her former opinion of him. But she was resolved to let him know how much this had changed in light of recent events.
"You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth replied sincerely, "If you think that I have such a poor opinion of you. And after witnessing firsthand what you would risk for others, I should be ashamed to think ill of you. I hope that I am not so uncharitable."
"I would never accuse you of being uncharitable, Miss Elizabeth," Darcy said, "Forgive me for my comment. It was most improper and I do not know what prompted it."
Elizabeth reassured him that there was nothing to forgive. And in an attempt to quickly abandon the uncomfortable exchange, they spent the next few minutes once again discussing the Smiths familial situation. Both were grateful to have such an uncontroversial subject to fall back on. At length, Elizabeth began to speak about families in general.
"No family is perfect, we all have our quarrels, and even members of our own family can sometimes act in mortifying ways," she admitted, the memory of her mother and younger sisters distinct in her mind, "I am well aware, sometimes painfully so, of my family's faults, but I love them all the same. We forgive our family their flaws and they likewise forgive ours."
"Your observations do you credit, Miss Bennet, and I am sure that no one can fault you for them," Darcy commended her.
"I am no philosopher, I merely try to learn from my experience," Elizabeth said with a smile, before adding, in a more serious tone, "And I have seen that many times it is those whom we hold most dear that have the capacity to wound us all most deeply."
"Indeed," Darcy said softly.
Once again, he seemed lost in thought. Elizabeth thought that a shadow seemed to have fallen over him, and suddenly the smallness of the Collins home became very stifling.
Both of them seemed trapped in some inexplicably tense conversation and Elizabeth still wondered why Darcy had come at all. It was clear that this was not to make arbitrary pleasantries, as he did on a previous visit.
He spoke at last, his agitation plain on his face.
"I can delay this no longer, Miss Elizabeth. I believe my cousin has spoken to you of a matter that concerns your sister and Mr. Bingley," Darcy began hesitantly, "As well as my own interference in that affair."
Elizabeth stiffened at the mention of this. She had not expected Mr. Darcy to bring up the topic but she now realized that this was the objective of this unusual visit. And as favorable as her opinion of him had been growing, the reminder of this past injury filled her with her former anger.
Darcy noted her silence with trepidation. He saw now that he would not have to go into detail on this uncomfortable topic. He forced himself to look at her but he could not decipher her expression, so he simply waited for her to respond.
"So, you do not deny it then, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said softly, her voice rising with the emotion she felt as she remembered Jane's sorrow, "That you separated a young couple who loved each other, exposing your friend to the censure of the world for caprice and my sister to its derision for disappointed hopes? And involving them both in misery of the acutest kind."
"I do not deny it," Darcy admitted timidly.
"How could you do it?" Elizabeth asked, tears welling up in her eyes.
"Because I believed your sister indifferent to him," he answered, silently berating himself for having caused the lady such distress.
"Indifferent?" Elizabeth asked incredulously.
"I watched them most carefully and I believed then that his attachment was deeper than hers," Darcy replied.
"That's because she's shy!" Elizabeth said in defense of her sister.
"Bingley too is modest and was persuaded that she didn't feel strongly for him," said Darcy.
"Because you suggested it!" said Elizabeth harshly.
"I did it to try and protect him," said Darcy earnestly.
"My sister hardly shows her true feelings to me!" Elizabeth argued, and immediately realized the unfairness of this assertion and the incivility of her tone. She took a moment to calm herself.
"I am sure that the motives that governed me in this matter must appear insufficient to you," Darcy said gravely, taking advantage of her silence, "But believe me when I say that they were in the service of a friend."
Elizabeth said nothing but wondered at how the conversation had taken such a difficult turn. Moments before she had been commending Mr. Darcy for his concern for others and his willingness to intervene on behalf of the Smiths. And now she was condemning him for doing the same for Bingley because of the impact on Jane.
In an instant, she somehow realized the difference of their perspectives, how much she loved and defended her sister and, for his part, how much he would do to protect his friend from what he had perceived was a potential heartbreak. Some part of her could not fault him for that selfless impulse.
And she had admitted herself that Jane was sometimes too guarded about her true feelings. If she concealed her emotions from her own sister, how would a relative stranger be able to ascertain what she truly felt. Elizabeth found herself blaming Darcy less and less, and it was a puzzling sensation.
"It is clear that I was completely mistaken about your sister's feelings and for this I must beg your forgiveness," Darcy spoke solemnly, "And now that I know the gravity of my error, I am resolved to make amends to all parties involved."
He could not reveal that he had overheard the lady's conversation with her friend. But even had he not been aware of Elizabeth's feelings towards him, any reasonable man would have been able to gain enough information from this fraught conversation to confirm the true nature of Jane Bennet's affection for his friend.
Elizabeth looked at Darcy in shock, confused at how the tumultuous conversation was turned around yet again. His expression was of complete sincerity and she had to admit that, in all their acquaintance, he had never deceived her. Greater remorse she had never seen in anyone else and her anger dissipated.
She also remembered that Darcy was as capable of bringing Bingley and her sister together as he was effective in tearing them apart. Jane's hope of happiness could at last be restored and this was what mattered most to the loving younger sister.
And this was the only part of the entire conversation that made any sense to her. Everything else threw her into such a haze of confusion, particularly with regard to her own shifting opinion of the gentleman before her.
"Once again, I am very sorry for having caused such pain to your sister and yourself," Darcy said earnestly, "And I can only hope that the damage I have caused is not beyond repair."
"You need not distress yourself on my account," said Elizabeth gravely, "It is my sister who deserves this chance at a future. My happiness hardly matters."
"But it does matter," Darcy said softly, "Your happiness means a great deal to me, Miss Elizabeth, more than you know."
The lady stared at him incredulously and Darcy chided himself for allowing such a breach of discretion. He had been determined to reveal nothing of his feelings, knowing her dislike of him. He could not bear her refusal. And yet, in a moment of weakness, he had allowed the truth to slip out and there was no taking it back. He dared not look at Elizabeth now, too afraid of the revulsion that she would undoubtedly express.
Had he been bold enough to look, he would have seen an unexpected reaction from the lady, not the harsh rejection he so feared, but simply a look of confusion. Elizabeth was not so oblivious to the implications of what Darcy had just said but part of her could not believe it was possible. And there was the struggle of her own heart, after all that had been revealed that day, and all that she had come to know of the gentleman recently. Several times she opened her mouth to speak but she had no idea of the appropriate response. She had never been this bewildered about anyone before.
Both were at a loss for words and both refused to look at the other for fear of more truths that could be unveiled, truths they were not prepared to face. There was too much to be thought and felt and while the tension was nigh unbearable, neither of them could contemplate the idea of leaving the other. Somehow the prospect of being alone with all these contradicting emotions was another ordeal they wanted to avoid.
And so they would have continued in this uncomfortable silence with only the sounds of the rain outside filling the air had it not been for the sudden arrival of Colonel Fitzwilliam.
"Forgive my intrusion," he said breathlessly as he entered the room.
Darcy and Elizabeth stared at him in puzzlement and the colonel gave his cousin a significant look that immediately put the latter on high alert.
"A matter of urgency, Darcy," said the colonel, "It's Georgiana."
At the mention of his sister's name, Darcy approached his cousin and listened as the colonel provided some of the necessary particulars in a hushed tone. Darcy frowned apprehensively as he was informed of the circumstances.
Elizabeth longed to know what had happened to Miss Darcy to have caused such looks of concern in both her brother and cousin, but she knew well that she had no right to such information. So, she had to wait in silent suspense.
In a way, she was grateful for the colonel's interruption because she had a moment to try and get her bearings after all that had been said. But part of her was inexplicably reluctant to part with Mr. Darcy, even if she was not exactly certain about what she would say to him.
Colonel Fitzwilliam took his leave with a courteous bow to the lady and allowed his cousin a few more moments to conclude whatever discussion he had with Miss Bennet.
Mr. Darcy had taken his coat and gloves and muttered his apologies about having to end their conversation so abruptly. Though it was unclear how they would have proceeded had the colonel not arrived with his urgent news.
"Forgive me, Miss Bennet, but I must go," Darcy said distractedly, "My sister…"
"Of course," Elizabeth spared him the need to make any excuses, "You must go to her at once. Please do not delay on my account."
Darcy nodded, still looking preoccupied, as he planned his next course of action. Elizabeth had never seen him so worried and she felt moved to ease his pain somehow.
"I wish your sister well, Mr. Darcy," she said earnestly, not knowing what more she could say to comfort the distraught brother.
"Thank you," Darcy replied, looking at her with genuine gratitude.
After a pause where the gentleman seemed to gather his thoughts, when next he spoke, it was in a tone of tenderness that Elizabeth was unaccustomed to.
"I hope that we may meet again in more agreeable circumstances," said he.
"I hope so too," Elizabeth replied sincerely.
"Goodbye, Miss Elizabeth," said Darcy as he took one last, lingering glance at the lady before bowing and taking his leave.
"Goodbye, Mr. Darcy," Elizabeth said softly as she watched him exit the house.
She walked to the window and saw him ride away, braving the torrential rains. She waited until his figure had disappeared into the distance before she sank into a chair, exhausted and overwhelmed. She then spent the next few hours endeavoring to make sense of all that had taken place on that rainy afternoon.