.:12:.

Cody's Log III

It's been a while since I've written in here, but a lot has been going on with my friends and me. I've been getting stressed. Not just about the beauty pageant. About everything. Things are coming so fast. The last semester of high school is almost complete, school is almost over, we're going to be graduating soon. I'll know if I got into Yale soon.

Not soon enough.

I dive for the mail every time it comes in, I check the status of my application online every day.

Mom keeps telling me to be patient and I'll know soon. Arwin said the same thing. Then again, Arwin had his hand stuck inside a large pipe at the time so I'm not sure how much faith I can put into that. (But I can say he knows what he's doing in terms of computers. He made it go 100x times faster than it used to, I calculated. If he doesn't quit his job as the head engineer at the Tipton to pursue computer engineering, I think he'll be missing out on a lot). Mom's been saying the same thing since Zack and I were little kids.

"You have to be patient," she said. "You have to trust that your hard work will off."

She'd say it to us with a straight face, but I'd hear her crying quietly when she thought we were asleep. It was a drastic change to her other statement that "you can't wait for things to happen, you have to make it happen." That's what she said when she was feeling at her strongest. Mom is one of the strongest people I know but all the same she's human. And she makes as many mistakes as the rest of us do.

I make sure a lot of what goes on in my life is perfect. The perfect paper, the perfect project, the perfect presentation. Everything must be perfect or else I won't achieve everything I want in my life. I won't be able to support my mom and give her the better life than she had when me and Zack were born. She doesn't blame us, I know that, but I want her to have everything she'd ever want. Low grades and getting into a not as great school wouldn't do that.

That's always been the drive for me. To have a successful life. And everything would get me there, even the basketball team and the beauty pageant. Sports and throwing myself out there were two of myself out of my comfort zone have always been some of my strong points. It's everyone else's perception of me when I do it is hard, because I know I'm constantly misunderstood.

Everyone sees me as an overachieving nerd. That's fine with me. I enjoy what I enjoy. But that's not all I am. I've always loved basketball. I never understood what was going on and no one explained it to me, but I liked the way math and physics could be seen in it. So, I learned the sport myself, Tapeworm and I helped each other play, and we got to be on the high school team. People are taking me seriously with it now. Will I be the first one asked to join a pickup game? No, that's still Zack. But at least I've gotten some sort of recognition for what I can do.

As for the beauty pageant…I don't have a lot of time to think about because…. the basketball team has been playing so well that we're part of the championship tournament. I never thought I'd be on a team that went that far in competition, a sports team. I must clarify because I've got enough trophies and awards from my science and math debates that I don't have much space for anything else. And that's only from the debates, I have a lot more from science fairs and the academic papers that have won awards.

It always surprises me how easily academics comes to me and sports don't and with Zack, sports come easily but academics don't. I've done enough papers about twins and genetics to know there's nothing that would truly determine who, in a set of twins, would be good at what. It's really a sense of what crafts are honed. That discouraged me for a long while.

What was the point of trying if Zack was always going to be better?

And I know that's how Zack feels, he doesn't talk about his feelings a lot but when he does, it's always something to pay attention to. He's only told me twice—I've kept count—how frustrated he feels with his school work. That he knows he can do a good job, but it wouldn't make a difference because mine is always going to be better. He's said it one hundred times as a joke, in a way to make some sort of sarcastic jab at me, in a defensive tactic, but he's only said it seriously, twice.

Just like he's told me, exactly twice, that he knows I'm mom's favorite. Honestly, I think there's some truth to it, but I never want to tell him that. And the only reason I think there's truth to it is because of, lately, how much I've noticed him and mom fighting. They do it a lot, mostly over homework. Zack can be very blasé about it and roll his eyes, and that sets mom off saying she knows he can do better. That just makes Zack pull into himself even more and it's a vicious cycle.

They argued about it when Zack was in the hospital. It was the first time I'd ever heard Zack say he thought mom hated him or that she didn't love him as much. And while they're talking more now, mom does take as much time as she can to take him to some of his doctor's appointments even though he can take himself, there's still a long way for them to go.

I'm digressing.

The point is that our basketball team is part of the championship. It's stylized as a regular tournament that our team is put in a bracket and then the brackets face off against each other until the final two teams go against each other and see who wins. I've never been on a team that's done so well before and felt like I've belonged. When I was playing in middle school, I didn't get to play a lot. I sat on the bench and kept Arwin company but was as excited as everyone else when we did well.

Now that I'm in the spotlight for once it's…jarring.

I don't know if I can handle the attention. Well, that's not true. The attention is nice. Being called out in the halls with people excited to see me is great. Amazing. I'm not just 'Cody the nerd', I'm one of the guys. I finally belong.

Even Zack has started to act better towards me. We still joke with each other, we wouldn't have our relationship without our jokes, but he's been helping me out as we work on our plays together. Every now and then we play against Max and Crystal, too, the girls team getting to their championship tournament, too. And for the first time in a long time Max looks at me with excitement and encouragement when we play rather than disappointment and fear I'd mess things up.

Everyone is being so supportive; and I made that happen. I worked hard to get on the team, to pave a new future for myself than to wonder 'what if'. (Plus, a well-rounded application always helps).

There was one part I didn't see coming. All the attention from girls. It's flattering, but sort of scary. I've always gotten along better with girls than I have with guys, I guess because I'm more in-tune with my emotions. While I haven't dated all of them (now that I think about it, I have dated a lot of them), I'm glad to have Janice, Jessica, Max, Bailey, Riley, Rhuben, and Crystal as my best friends. They're always the first to tell me the truth and I know they mean it when they complement me and my skills on the basketball court.

It's the other girls that throw me off. The ones I thought I'd never have a shot with, the ones who I didn't know knew I existed. The ones who preferred Zack over me and continuously said so to my face. They were all starting to flirt with me and saying they couldn't wait to see me play.

It's all flattering.

For the most part.

Sometimes, it's weird and uncomfortable. Especially when it all comes from one person who you're not quite sure you even like.

Because, honestly, Sadie is starting to freak me out a little.

A/N: You know what I've been finding as I've been writing this? It's difficult for me to write Cody. With Zack, there's a lot that can be done to show another side of him; his insecurities and what he truly feels. But for Cody, everything about him, insecurities and what he's confident about, has constantly been shown to us on the show. We know he's sensitive, we know he's smart, we know he's eager, and we know (as he gets older) that he can be a bit arrogant and very sure of himself in academics while not so sure of himself in other areas. So, it's a bit harder to make him feel real.

Don't get me wrong, I'm highly enjoying this story. But there are some difficulties here and there that I'm working through.

Please let me know what you think of this chapter and I'll update again soon.

Cheers,

-Riles