All sunday Merlin found himself uninterested and tired. He really didn't want to eat because his throat hurt besides he didn't want anything in his mouth right now, so he told his mother that he felt a bit sick and stayed most of the day in his room. But when the dinner time arrived, Merlin didn't dare to be late so he made sure to be early by the table and when his mother asked how he was feeling he replied that he was better. He couldn't make her mother worried. The spaghetti they were having felt like worms in his mouth but he managed to eat if he bit it into little pieces.
Half way trough the meal Merlin remembered the invitation to visit Gwens house. "Mother, can I go to Gwens next saturday?" He asked looking directly into his mothers eyes. Hunith was surprised of the sudden question but smiled sweetly at Merlin. "At what time would you want to go?" Merlin was relieved. He knew this tone, he was going to get the permission. "I'll have to ask Gwen, but she asked if I can spent the night."
Hunith raised her eyebrows at that but nodded without comment. "Alright, will Gwen's parents pick you up or does she has a license?" Merlin felt his mood brighten and he was about to answer but then Uther cut in making Merlins heart sink. "And what purpose do you have with this visit?" He asked. "Dear, I think it's alright…" Hunith immediately tried to avoid any further discussion, but Uther didn't seem to let it go. Merlin knew that his mother didn't want to make him uncomfortable by asking his reasons of spend a night with a girl, but he saw that Uther had no problem of making an interrogation in the dinner table.
"We have a lab assignment, farther." Arthur cut in and Merlin immediately focused on him and from the corner of his eye he saw Uther do the same. "Gwen is Merlins lab partner and we are working on an assignment." Arthur continued smoothly. 'Wow he's good... This must be the way Arthur leaves the house all the time.' Merlin realised.
"You are both going?" Urther seemed to soften to the idea. "Yes, my lab partner is useless and I feel I'll do better working with Gwen and Merlin. And we don't have to bother Gwens father, Gwens brother Elyan can drive us." He continued. Merlin felt hope again. He had totally forgoten Arthur had asked if he could come with him. He hadn't asked Gwen yet, but hopefully Gwen wouldn't mind.
Uther turned back to his food and replied seemingly satisfied "Alright, I don't really see why you have to spend the whole night, but I hope you will use the time well." "Yes father." Arthur replied and flashed a quick smile at Merlin. Hunith also smiled and they returned to their eating. Merlin also smiled, even if he tried to conceal it so Uther wouldn't notice how happy he was. He had to thank Arthur for this.
After the meal Hunith asked Merlin to stay a bit. Merlin knew immediately that she wanted to talk to him about something and when she took him to sit into the living room, Merlin felt extremely nervous. "Uther told me that you had locked your door yesterday…" Her mother started looking Merlin straight into his eyes.
Merlin looked down and nodded in shame, but at the same time he felt very much relieved. "Merlin, I want you to promise me you won't do it again. It's not safe. Uther has a reason for this, the doors are very thick and you cannot hear through them. What if something happened to you inside and I couldn't reach you? What if you fell in your bathroom and no-one wouldn't even notice?" The worry was thik in his mothers voice and Merlin did feel bad with her reasoning, but he also found himself thinking that most of the things that happen to him did indeed happen behind his locked door, but there was nothing he could do about that.
"Merlin I want you to promise that you won't lock yourself in anymore, Uther also had been worried…" Merlin had to supres a snort. He had hard time believing Uther had been worried about him, but he couldn't tell that to his mother. "Don't worry, I'll keep it open. I just wanted to shower in peace..." He tried to form a joke about Arthur barging into his room without knocking but he didn't have time to form a sentence before his mother changer the topic.
"This Gwen… do you like her?" "Mom!" Merlin felt his cheeks grow hot. It was embarrassing enough to correct his PE teacher on the matter (who was much closer to his age) but his mother was off the scale. "She is my friend!" He wasn't sure if it was embarrassing or not to admit this to his mother. Hunith laughed at his discomfort which made Merlin frown. "Sorry… just you are in that age and-" She started but Merlin interrupted "No, no, no, no, no! I'm not talking about this with you! I promise it's not like that, so please mom…" He really felt embarrassed now. Hunith smiled at him and let it go but also told Merlin that if he wanted to know anything…
When Merlin was again in his room safe from his mother and sexed talk, he hid his face in his hands 'God that was painful…' He had now a new reason being clad that Arthur was coming with him. Even thought his mother should have been more worried about Arthur than Gwen… this again made Merlins mood darken and he moved to his desk to take his thoughts away from Arthur.
On monday Merlin asked Gwen if Arthur could come the first thing he saw her. "Of course he can come, I'm clad that you got the permission." she smiled at him. "It was actually Arthur who got us the permission." Merlin felt like he had to give the credit to Arthur. Gwen smiled happily and then said "I was thinking that maybe you would want to go shopping with me first and then we could go home and watch a movie or something? Of course if you don't like shopping we don't have to…" Merlin smiled at Gwens thoughtfulness. He actually needed some new clothes himself, he couldn't keep wearing only two shirts and even if his weight had gone up a notch, he still looked too skinny and he really didn't feel confident in those short sleeved shirts he had anymore.
"Actually I need to go shopping myself." he replied and Gwen beamed at him. "But where do we park Arthur? I'm quite sure that he's not very interested…" Merlin had to ask. He wasn't overly eager for Arthur to see what he tried on while dragging him around a mall and listening his snide comments... "Oh, I thought that Elyan could give us a lift to the mall so maybe he would like to keep Arthur company? I'll ask him today." This seemed like a good idea to Merlin.
"What do you need to buy?" He asked so he could prepare himself and hopefully hear he wouldn't have to go anywhere too embarrassing. "I thought of buying some new dresses or maybe some tunics for school. I really don't have anything pretty…" Gwen replied avoiding Merlins eyes "And since when did you need something pretty?" Merlin asked. One of the things that made Gwen special was that she wasn't constantly fusing over her looks.
Gwen blushed and didn't look Merlin in the eye when she replied "Just wanted to look a bit nice you know…" Merlin felt a light pulp go on in his brain "Oh! I know, you have a crush on someone." He said cheerfully. Gwen elbowed him to his side and said even redder now "shut up Merlin…" she said but not sounding really annoyed. "That's what Arthur tells me all the time." Merlin replied lightly "I know, it's a great phrase." Gwen shot back but calmed down.
"Can you keep a secret, Merlin?" She asked after a moment of silence. She sounded more serious now. "Of course, I wouldn't tell anyone." Merlin felt good that Gwen trusted him, but her tone was slowly making her uncomfortable. "I- Lets find a quieter place…" They took a sharp turn and Gwen led Merlin to an empty study corner. "I wanted to tell someone… I kind of can't stop thinking Lance… " She finally said after she was sure no-one was listening.
Merlin had not waited this. Sure Gwen had commented that Lance was handsome, but he hadn't thought that Gwen would really develop a crush on him. For a moment he felt a bit relieved because he wouldn't have to help Gwen date Arthur, but then his relieve changed into serious concern. He remembered how Lance had looked at Gwen and he didn't like that. At all. He couldn't let anything bad happen to Gwen.
"Lance? He is like a decade older than you and…and…" He hoped Gwen wouldn't get mad at him for not supporting her but he couldn't sound anything else than disgusted. "Actually he's only 22…" Gwen did sound hurt and Merlin felt bad for being so harsh. It wasn't Gwens fault… "But-" He still wasn't ready to let it go, but Gwen interrupted him "I don't think age is such a big thing people make it sound. I have had some crushes before but this is different! I really like him and I can't help it." She said with a certainty in her voice which made Merlin pause on his thought. "And I just want to look a bit nice for him… it's not like I'm going to do something stupid. I- I'm not ready for that kind of relationship… yet." With this last sentence Gwen turned her gaze away and blushed again. "I- you promised not to tell anyone…" She said in a quiet voice and Merlins heart melt.
"Gwen, of course I won't tell anyone… and I'm sorry. I'm just a bit worried I guess- Just be careful. Men can be- I mean don't leave yourself alone with him or anything, he is a man after all…" Gwen seemed to feel better with this and she smiled a bit before saying "Merlin, you are a man and I'm inviting you to sleep into my home… What do you have to say for yourself?" Merlin had to laugh at this and he was clad that the conversation was getting a lighter tone. "I told you, you should be more careful." He said and winked. Gwen kicked him playfully and they both laughed.
When they had to leave because it was time for class, Merlin felt closer to Gwen and he wished he also had a secret he could share with Gwen. Like a crush. Maybe someone on their class, a girl… Merlin decided that he would need to talk to Lance.
The rest of the day Merlin was a man on a mission. He took every turn he could to get to talk to Lance alone. He couldn't wait until after PE because Uther would be waiting for him after school and PE was the last subject, so he tried to find Lance from corridors, from lunch and finally he stormed to the gym after his class before ended and hoped to find Lance there. The luck seemed to be on his side, Lance was at the gym and he was alone.
"Merlin, you are early today, I hope to see the same performance than at weekend." Lance greeted him with good humour. "I need to talk to you." Merlin had realised that this conversation could be highly awkward but he didn't care. He felt mad at Lance like he had already done something bad to Gwen and he had gotten the whole day to feed that feeling. Lance faltered a bit when he realised Merlins mood. "Would you like to go sit down?" he tried but Merlin didn't really like an idea of going into his gym teachers small, possible one with a lock, cubicle. He wasn't very trusting these days.
"No thank you. I came to talk about Gwen…" This caught Lances interest and he asked with a clearly worried tone "Has something happened? Is she alright?" This made Merlin rise his eyebrows, he had not been expecting this reaction. "…No… everything alright." Merlin replied slowly 'At least for now' he added in his mind. Lance relaxed at Merlins reply, but there was something in his expression that Merlin couldn't read and thus worried him. "You like her don't you?" He asked bluntly while keeping a close look to Lances face.
The change in Lance was immediate. He blushed and the look in his eyes deepened so much that now Merlin could recognised it. It was shame. Lance took a deep breath and said "I hoped no-one would notice, but I guess I'm not very good with pretending." Merlin felt his anger rise again, this man had actually admitted having a hots for a girl 6 years younger than he was! "You will stay away from Gwen! What is wrong with you, how can you even be a teacher?!" He stopped for a while to breath and see if Lance would have anything to say for himself, he had been mean on purpose. But Lance just hung his head and looked miserable.
"I promise if anything happens to Gwen, I'll make everyone know." Merlin continued with a low voice. He wasn't sure why he didn't want to march to headmasters office right now, but… "What do you even want from Gwen? She's not old enough for you- you… are you some kind of pedophile?" With this Lance seemed to finally look at him. "Let's continue this in my office." He said. "No." Merlin was not going to move to any less escapable place. "Please." There was something in Lances voice that made it impossible for Merlin to say no again. It was desperate and he knew that feeling alongside with shame in Lances eyes too well… Merlin started to feel that he had no right to judge Lance.
He nodded slowly and allowed Lance to lead him into his small office near the locker rooms. Still, when Lance sat down behind his desk, Merlin just stood besides the door and wouldn't step inside. Lance made no comment on this, but instead looked at Merlins eyes with a sincerity in his eyes. "Merlin, I'm clad that you are taking care of your friend-" "Sure you are…" Merlin couldn't help but interrupt. "…but I want you to know, that I was sure that Gwen was older sister of Elyan and at least 18…" He continued and Merlin made a noise that indicated that he did not believe him. "I also assure you, that I have no intention of forcing myself on Gwen nor harming her in anyway." Merlin still didn't look convinced, but he had hard time not believing that Lance was telling the truth. Of course what he meant now and what he did tomorrow were two completely different things.
"…Really. What if Gwen wanted to … talk to you and you would be alone or something?" Merlins voice was skeptical. He wanted to say that what if Gwen liked Lance would he still not do anything, but he couldn't tell him Gwens secret. "Yes. Merlin, I'm an adult and as an adult I have the responsibility to protect anyone underaged from doing anything they could regret in the future. Even when it goes against my personal believes or interests." Lance said in a calm voice and Merlin found no lie in it. Could he really trust Lance? 'No, not yet' he thought.
"So do you still like her?" He asked. He was now calm again but in no way satisfied. "…yes. I- I tried to lose interest when I realised that she is only 16 but… I'm sorry. Maybe this does make me a pervert as you said, but I want nothing more than her to be happy. If it would make you feel more at ease, I could resign. As you said I may not be suitable to be a teacher."
Merlin was set back with this. He wasn't sure how to react. Lance was practically telling him that he had the power to get rid of him. But that didn't feel right to Merlin. He looked at his feet and tried to make something of this. "…if you promise, that you wont do anything…" He finally said. "If something happens…" he continued with harder tone. Merlin wasn't sure if he should repeat the already told threat so he just let it hang so Lance would remember he was keeping an eye on him. Lance smiled and Merlin remembered suddenly that he had liked Lance before. He was a good teacher and a warm personality. "Thank you Merlin. I'm sorry to put you in this awkward position and I'll give you my word, that I will not overstep my position as a teacher."
Right then the bell rang and Merlins class mates started to make their way to the gym. One of the first was Arthur who jogged to Lances office when he saw Merlin. "Merlin! What are you still hanging about?" before Merlin had any time to answer, Lance answered for him "I was just writing some extra credit for Merlin for his excellent play on saturday. I'm sorry I kept you so long, you can go to change now." He said the last part to Merlin who just nodded and moved slowly towards the locker rooms.
Trough closed door he heard Lance starting the class with warm ups and interactions for basket ball. Merlin grimaced. He didn't like basket ball either. It was all the games with a ball in them. There was just something Merlin had never understood in them. But basketball was still better than somethings. He shuddered as he remembered that back in his home village their teacher had been especially fond of wrestling… Merlin shuddered at the thought. He seriously couldn't do that now.
After he had changed, he reluctantly went to the gym and hoped there would be more playing and less those awkward technique practices.
When the class was over, Arthur volunteered to clean so he could talk with Lance alone. Merlin had been eating normally most of the weekend and apart from being sick on sunday and that weird … what ever that was… on saturday he had seemed normal. Well, as normal as Merlin could be, but he still wanted to talk with Lance to have some peace of mind.
"Do you have something you want to talk with me, Arthur?" Lance asked when Arthur had been standing in front of him for about a minute without saying anything. "Yes… I was just wondering, when you told about eating disorders… well, could you tell me something more about them?" He was not sure if that came out sounding how, but Lance didn't seem to mind and just asked "Any of those in particularly or generally?" "Mm, could you tell me more about anorexia?" Arthur asked.
Lance didn't even blink, which Arthur was grateful of, before answering "Yes, well anorexia nervosa is usually associated to be girls disease, but recently more and more boys are getting sick too. Most commonly an anorectic person tries to get unhealthily thin by eating too little and avoiding anything greasy and calories in general. They also typically exercise a lot to get thin faster. To some of anorectics it's not so much on being thin, but being perfect. They study or practice sports fanatically and feel that they are never enough. They also often feel too fat and they are very scared of getting more weight. Is this enough or would you like to ask something else?" Lance said sounding very much like a teacher. "Does an anorectic person usually hide it very well?" Arthur asked "Mostly yes. They don't mostly think themselves as sick and usually even the family might notice only when the weight has already gone dangerously low." Lance answered calmly. Arthur shuddered at that thinking Merlins thin form. "Anyone you are worried of?" Lance asked Arthur seeming worried himself now. "No, no, just curious…" He said but couldn't look Lance in the eyes.
"Well, in that case, If you have anything else to ask, you can ask me or the school nurse or there are some sites in the internet you could find interesting… " Lance said. "Could you tell me how a typical anorectic person is like?" Arthur wanted to know. He was quite sure that he would get the best answer from Lance.
"Well, I cannot say typical… I'm not a doctor, but in my old basketball team I used to play, there was a boy who started to practice very seriously. At first everyone thought he was amazing because he was training so hard and he was very good because of that. But at some point we started to notice that he didn't eat much at lunch, he always had his own lunch which could just have been an apple. And in about half a year he had become so thin, that he had hard time keeping up with us. Soon he was put into a hospital and we learned that he had taken too much laxatives to get rid of what ever he had eaten. His parents were in shock…" Lance sounded like it had made a huge impact on him and Arthur understood why he had told about it so seriously.
After Arthur had thanked Lance, they took all the football equipments out and soon enough they were ready, the other team mates started to get inside. Arthur was now a bit calmer. He would ask some questions from Merlin, but for the most part Merlin didn't fit the bill after all. He didn't seem to hate high calorie foods, in fact he seemed to jump into any change to get chocolate and the amount of oil he used in his salad… Also he didn't work out and he didn't seem to care that much about grades than actual learning.
Arthur clapped his hands to start warm up. He would talk to Merlin when he got home.
When Arthur got home, Merlin was in his room, lying on his couch and reading. No surprises there. He asked if Merlin had asked Gwen abut saturday and Merlin told him that Gwen would ask her dad. "Gwen and I will go shopping." He told Arthur with a grin and Arthurs reaction didn't disappoint him. "Shopping?! You really are a girl Merlin!" "I assure you, even boys do need clothes. And even if you only wear one kind of outfit, it doesn't mean that the rest of us want to do that." Merlin replied with a grin. "Says you! How many weeks have you been using these two shirts now?" Arthur shot back waving his hand on the general direction of Merlins chest. Merlin was a bit surprised that Arthur had noticed and he blushed sightly at that. "Well, that's why I need some new ones, don't I?" He crossed his arms on his chest and Arthur who was sitting on the edge of his bed laughed. "Well, I'm still not going to follow you girls to stores, any idea what I could do while you find yourself a nice dress?" He asked amused.
"Prat… Elyan will probably give us a ride so you can go to do something manly with him." Merlin replied indicating that something manly equaled something stupid. "Sounds better. And afterwards we will go to their house… I'm sure Gwens dad says yes, I have been at Elyans before." Arthur answered not biting Merlins taunt, he was waiting his chance to call Merlin fat and see how he reacted, but his thoughts were interrupted when Merlin asked "How do you get your father to let you do stuff so easily?" Arthur had not seen that coming.
"Well, I have been living with him all my life… I have just learned to say what he wants to hear… I guess." He told Merlin after a bit of thinking. He couldn't agree to the 'easy' part, but he certainly knew what Merlin meant. "Thank you for helping me out." Arthur felt a bit surprised at Merlins sudden thank you, but felt also a bit of admiring as he himself always remembered these things too late 'I wish I had thanked you every time you helped me out…' he thought but just rose to ruffle Merlins hair and turned to leave. Merlin made a funny sound and looked flustered. Arthur smiled a little before saying "anytime" and leaving Merlin once again to study.
Arthur liked to touch merlins hair. He found it hilarious how Merlin got so embarrassed every time he ruffled his hair but he also liked the feel of it. He thought it would be nice to touch them more but dismissed the idea quickly. That would be weird.
He hadn't had any change to make Merlin tell him how he felt about his body or if he tried to be perfect at school, but he hoped he would have a change later. Maybe at the mall. He grinned to himself. That would be fun. It was a long time that he had gone to the mall himself and with Merlin shopping with Gwen for new outfits… that was going to be priceless.
The next morning Arthur rode to school with Merlin and his father. (It was raining cats and dogs) He noticed that Merlin was looking a bit under the weather. His mother had again left for her day shift and wouldn't be back for two days. Maybe Merlin missed his mother? It was possible. Even thought they had been a 'family' for over a year now, they really didn't have that feel… Maybe his father felt that he had gotten a wife, maybe Merlins mother felt she had gotten a husband or even a second son? Arthur didn't know.
For himself, Arthur didn't think Hunith as his mother nor Merlin as his brother. It wasn't that he didn't like Hunith… she was nice, but just not a mother. His mother had died when he was born so he didn't know her nor did he know what to miss. Of course he had wanted a mother when he was younger and Uther wasn't exactly a nurturing type. Maybe Merlin felt the same? He had been used to the warmth and when Hunith left, her warmth left with her. 'Maybe if I could be more of a brother to him?' he thought but couldn't really change anything. He was happy that he got to know Merlin but, he was different… He felt equality. Stronger than with anyone. How could he change anything without destroying that?
Merlin felt depressed. Today was going to be a dull day. They only had subjects that he wasn't practically interested in and his mother was going to be away for two nights. Also, the weather was horrible and he was hungry. And he didn't want to eat. Normally he had been anxious these days that his mother left but now he was numb. He didn't find joy in things he normally did and he felt tired about everything, but not scared. 'Maybe I'm used to it now?' He thought and closed his eyes. He wasn't so tired physically than mentally but he thought he could at least pretend to be asleep for the next ten minutes.
The school day was uneventful. Merlin went to his classes he already knew most of by heart. He forced himself to eat some bland fish with white sauce while counting the calories to keep him occupied and talked to Gwen who told him Arthur could also come and Elyan would drive with her to pick them up and then they would go to the mall. Arthur would sleep in Elyans room and Merlin in Gwens. "I have no idea what you have done to my brother, but he actually convinced my dad that you were a good guy and that you could sleep in my room. He didn't even tease me afterwards!" that made Merlin smile a little but that was the high point of his day.
When the school ended, Merlin walked in autopilot to Uthers car and just let the scenery pass his eyes while Uther felt him up on the way home.
Arthurs practice had been rough. They had started the outdoor practices last week and the field today had been … muddy at least if Arthurs appearance was anything one could deduct something. So Arthur had gone to sleep right after dinner. Merlin had been waiting Uther to come early because of that but he was still surprised when he came as early as eight o'clock. Merlin had just been studying next years history book he had borrowed from library when he heard his doors lock click. He felt cold sweat in his forehead and his mouth dry. 'Maybe I'm still not used to this after all…'
Uther came to hug him from behind. Merlin was not used to so gentle gestures and for a while he didn't know what to feel. "Lets go to the bed shall we?" Uther gently led Merlin to sit on the mattress. Merlin could just stare. He didn't know what was happening. Had he done something right? Was Uther pleased with him? What?
"We shall try something new today, something I'm sure you will enjoy, if you just behave." Uther kept speaking gently into his ear but the words itself made Merlin afraid. Uther moved to open Merlins trousers and he put his hand into his boxers. "Such a naughty boy you are…" Uther continued stroking Merlin for a while and Merlin felt himself again grow hard. He bit the inside of his mouth hard and dug his finger nails into his palms but he still felt his erection grow. He hated himself so much.
"Take off your trousers." Merlin knew he would just make things worse so he stood up and let his pants drop on the floor. He kept his gaze down, feeling shame built inside of him. He saw his erected penis and he hated it and he hated himself. Why, why he was like this…? He asked from himself what felt like a thousandth time while Uthers phone camera made shutter sound few times. Merlin closed his eyes and wished that he was somewhere far away.
Suddenly Uther warped his arms around Merlin and pulled him to sit on his lap, back against Uther. Uther had opened his own pants and Merlin felt his hard staff against his ass, rubbing against it while Uthers hand pumped his up and down. It was not a comfortable position. He wasn't fully sitting on Uthers lap becasuse even if he knew he couldn't struggle, Merlin tried to edge as far away from Uther as possible. Soon he had lots of pressure on his legs and his legs were weak. As his legs started to hurt he also felt his erection settle which made Merlin like the pain in his legs a bit. But when Uther didn't get any more reaction from Merlins dick, he moved to another places.
Merlin panicked when he heard a tube cap opening. It couldn't be what he thought it would be, please no… But very soon he felt cold, slick fingers cares his bottom and moving to his ass hole. "No! Please no…" Merlin wasn't even sure if he had said it out loud but maybe he had because Uther stopped just for a second, but soon he flipped Merlin around to his bed his face onto the matters his ass in a very embarrassing position, sticking up.
Merlin tried to struggle away from the position but he soon froze when Uther stuck something near his face. Merlin felt his heart stop when he realised what he was looking at. It was himself Uthers dick in his mouth. He had his eyes closed and he was sucking an enormous looking cock. Uther slide his thumb across the screen and next there was Merlin looking at the camera face full of cum. Another slide and there was Merlin eyes tightly shut a penis and balls laid across his face. Uther didn't say anything. He didn't have to.
Merlin stopped all of his movements and let Uther again lift his ass up. 'I'm not here. I'm not here! I'm not here!' Merlin repeated in his head as loudly as he could. Still he could feel Uthers slick fingers circle his entrance, taking his time, and finally sticking his finger in. It hurt. Merlin tried his best to scream only inside of his head but still a whimper escaped. Uther started to move his finger and too soon there was another. Too soon.
Merlin felt tears in his eyes but no more sound came from him. The whole procedure felt wrong and disturbing and surreal, why was his stepfathers finger going in and out to his ass hole? But above all, it was painful. Merlin had put his own fingers in himself before but even that had needed much time and slow movements to feel good. And this, this was agony. He was sure something was going to brake. He was going to bleed or something was going to brake. When Uther removed his fingers Merlin let go his breath and he panted like a person who was drowning. He felt like he was drowning.
He heard the cap open again and he suddenly felt cold. 'No…' was the only word he could think of. "No… No. No!" found himself whimpering louder and louder until he yelled. He was now shaking all over. Uther just lifted his ass up and squeezed his neck with other against his bed which made Merlins breathing hitch and his yelling stop. "Now listen you little whore. This weekend, I want you to study and to behave. You might think that you are getting somewhere by lying to yourself, but don't lead that poor girl on… you are dirty and you are a faggot." He spat the last word out and Merlin could just hold his breath and will it all was over when Uther started to slide into him.
Merlin was sure he would die. It hurt so much… He saw white dots in his vision and he couldn't get enough air into his lungs. Uther thrusted into him faster and faster finally letting go of Merlins neck to take him by his hips with both hands. Merlin buried his face into his pillow and covered his ears with his glenched fists to shield himself from the sound of his bed creaking. Still he heard Uthers camera go several times but he didn't look up.
When Uther finally came after what seemed like forever to Merlin, Uther pulled himself out and even that hurt. "What a dirty insides you have…" were Uthers last words before Merlin heard him close his zipper and the bed creak one last time. Merlin felt something coming out from his behind and he smelled Uthers smell. Soon he heard the door lock click and then the door open and close. He was alone. He tried to move but it hurt. His hands were cramping and it was hard to even open his fists and move his fingers let alone push himself up. His back hurt and neck too, but the worst was the unnatural sting in between his legs. And there was all that stuff leaking from him…
Finally he took his pillowcase off and put it in between his legs just to get to his bathroom without making a mess to his sheets. In the bathroom he threw the pillowcase into the washing basket without looking and then he showered. His skin was weaker and dryer these days so when he scrubbed his skin, he felt some of it get screeched and he saw some small bleedings here and there. He just scrubbed them harder because he was so disgusted with himself.
Even thought every part of his body hurt and he was dead tired, he couldn't go to sleep. He couldn't calm himself down and he dully noted that he wasn't a virgin anymore.
This was something he knew most of the students in his school found highly interesting, who was virgin and who wasn't. When and where someone would or did lose their virginity and with who.
'In my own bed with my step father.' Merlin almost laughed, it felt so absurd, like something like this could really happen… but mostly he just felt vulnerable and ashamed. He felt his mood change from hysterical to scared and ashamed every other minute like he was riding an endless roller coaster. He couldn't stop or get off. He couldn't understand why people wanted to have sex at all, it was horrible.
In the end he was lying on his couch crying and laughing in turns until he fell asleep. When he woke up in the morning he felt like a hammer had hit him in the head and then shown itself into his behind. He saw bruises forming on the back of his neck and on his waist and hips. He was clad that he didn't have PE today and that his shirt covered his neck.
On the way school he slept all the way and Arthur (who was coming with them again because of the same rain continued) had to half carry half drag him out of the schools parking lot before Merlin felt awake enough to push Arthur away. He didn't want Arthur to touch anything as dirty as he was. Being in school made him calm down. He started to feel like he was a different person in there. He had finally fully separated a part of himself that didn't belong to Uther. Here he was safe, for now.