Rest of the school week held very little meaning to Merlin. He went to his classes and Uther didn't come to his room. He touched Merlin every time they rode from school to home, but Merlin had learned to lock it out of his school self. His Mother had also been home so Merlin felt safer. He had learned some patterns in Uthers behaviour. He wouldn't come to Merlins room nearly never if Hunith was home. He wouldn't touch Merlin on the way to school, only on the way back home. He would only come to his room after Arthur had been asleep at least an hour.
When saturday came and Hunith left again, Uther squeezed Merlins ass when Arthur was in the garden after breakfast and reminded him of 'good manners' he was supposed to have at Gwens house.
Three o'clock, when they were supposed to leave to meat Gwen and Elyan at the corner of the next road (where it was easier to turn) couldn't have come too soon for Merlin. He had finished packing two hours ago and was now sitting in the living room waiting for three o'clock. "I can't take this anymore…" He heard Arthur mutter from behind him at half past two. "Lets go, we can be a bit early." Arthur said to him and took Merlins bag. Merlin followed him like a puppy.
After telling something to his father, Arthur motioned Merlin to follow him and they left. Arthur first called a cab to pick them up from the same street corner where Elyan had been supposed to pick them up and then to Elyan that they would meet them at the mall. Arthur couldn't help but smile how happy Merlin seemed to be outside of the house. Not that he hadn't been waiting this day either, but Merlins joy was so pure it was contagious.
The cab left them nearby the entrance and soon they were wandering around commenting some stores and Arthur realised that while it had annoyed him when Merlin had first moved here, now seeing Merlin so happy about every small thing (like big stores, restaurants and people in general) made Arthur appreciate more what he got and had been used to have all his life. It was interesting really how Merlin managed to do that.
After a while Merlin saw one of those italian ice-cream shops and they decided to eat some ice-cream while waiting. Merlin ordered chocolate with caramel sauce and Arthur got strawberry. "Be careful, you'll get fat if you keep eating like that." Arthur commented playfully as he saw his change to observe Merlins reaction to being called fat.
Merlin looked him like he was the stupidest creature to roam on earth which made Arthur feel a bit self conscious. "I would worry more about you… is that an extra kilo I see hanging on your waist?" Arthur frowned at that but was secretly happy that Merlin didn't seem to think himself fat and kept ordering stuff like ice-cream and chocolate in his presence.
"I'm well fit! And I was talking about you." He still wanted to make sure one more time. "I could eat Mount Doom full of chocolate and still be lighter than you. And speaking of which, I'm going to taste your ice-cream." That said Merlin took a spoonful of Arthurs strawberry ice-cream. He enjoyed the taste, this luxury ice-cream was not something one could find from his home village.
When Arthur moved towards his portion, Merlin moved it from his reach "Hey! It's only fair that I'll get some of yours too." Arthur whined and leaned towards Merlin trying to reach his plastic cup which Merlin was keeping at his arms length. Arthur noted happily how close Merlin was sitting to him. It was probably because they were in a long bench with some other people sitting nearby in both directions, but still Arthur was happy to notice that Merlin chose to sit closer to him rather that half way of him and some random strangers.
Merlin blushed at the sudden closeness. He liked it very much, but then he felt a ghost of Uthers body pressing against his. He had to push Arthur away and because he was looking more serious Arthur backed away unsure of what he had done wrong. Merlin had to do something about that. "You said you are fit…" he said with serious tone "Yes I am!" Arthur replied in kind "and we want to keep it that way." Merlin continued with straight face.
"Merlin you little…" Arthur said annoyed and ruffled Merlins hair with a bit more force than necessary. Merlin blushed again but the contact didn't feel bad now. He realised that Arthur was the only one who had ever done that to him. He wanted to lean into Arthurs touch and he had to concentrate very hard on eating his ice-cream so he wouldn't lean to Arthurs shoulder, which was so close that he could feel it's radiating heat. Merlin also noted that Arthur was much closer to him that he had been when Merlin sat down. He had probably stayed there after he had tried to take Merlins ice-cream without thinking anything of it. It felt rude to move away, so Merlin stayed put even if he felt his want slowly transform into self loath. But the silence was now comfortable and Merlin found some comfort that he had managed to save the situation from turning awkward.
"There you are!" Merlin lifted his gaze to see Gwen waving at him from few meters away. "So, ready for shopping Merlin?" She said cheerfully when she and Elyan reached them. "I wouldn't be if I were you, she can be a demon in a lingerie department." Elyan clearly had gotten over his be-nice-to-Gwen phase. "Of course I'm not going to buy lingeries with Merlin!" She told Elyan, maybe with a bit loud voice because Merlin saw people nearby turn their heads. "I'm sure there is a story to that…" Arthur commented to Merlin in a low voice while Gwen and Elyan continued to bicker. "I can get it out from Elyan and I'll tell you later." Arthur said with the same low voice earning a grin from Merlin.
When they finally calmed down enough to arrange a time and place to meet up and eat something, Merlin and Arthur had already finished their ice-creams long ago. After that Gwen took Merlin to the direction of clothes stores and Arthur left with Elyan to check out some games and sport stores. "So, what exactly you have in mind?" Merlin asked from Gwen. "Well… I'm not really too sure… something to wear in school, obviously, so nothing too fancy." she replied blushing a bit. Merlin had almost forgotten Lance, but he had quite a mixed feelings about him now. In a way he felt a darker possibilities looming on the horizon now that he knew what adults could really do.
Merlin forcefully shook this from his mind because he felt a painful squeeze in his heart. 'Lance is a good guy… he told me that he wouldn't do anything like that…' He tried to reassure himself. "You still find it disturbing, don't you." Gwen said in a sad voice that made Merlin snap back to the reality. Still he had to think for a moment, what was Gwen talking about…"No, no. It's just… I'm a bit worried… But you said you will be careful?" He said when he finally caught on. "It really is not so serious, you know. I just want to look a bit nice and talk to him a bit… It's not like he could ever have interest in me, I'm just a child…"
Merlin could hear from her tone how disappointed she was. It hurt Merlin to hear his friend so down so he tried to forget everything else for a second and focus on empathising how Gwen felt. He had not much to go by so he tried to think how much similarities there were in his case of crush on Arthur. He couldn't rid himself from quilt and wasn't sure if that was a part of the feeling or just because Arthur was supposed to be his step brother… But still he felt the strong longing and the need to seem funny or intelligent or good looking …well in his case it was more like not hideous looking, but anyway, even if he knew he had no change.
Even so, most of the desperate feelings didn't come from the thought that it was impossible, but from the fact that his feelings were wrong. That he couldn't tell about them to even his closest friends because they would just tell him what he already knew. Gwen had said 'disturbed', it would be more like 'horrified' in Merlins case if he ever decided to tell anyone, but he understood the feeling now. The one that made heart sank so low it was hard to tell if it would ever come back to its original place. The feeling that he himself was wrong and unwanted by the society he lived in. 'In a way this is something me and Gwen have in common' he thought. Both had some-one they wanted but couldn't have because of rules of society. Of course Merlin was way more deeper and so immoral that he couldn't really compare, but Gwen too… If she and Lance went out, there would be a ton of problems even if it somehow worked out.
"You have been quiet for a long time now…" Gwen said sounding worried like Merlin could at any given time abandon her into this … women's clothing store they apparently were now. Merlin had no idea how they had gotten there. "Sorry. Gwen I understand, I'll support you. What ever happens remember, I'm here and I won't judge you and I will look after you." He said this because he had to get Gwen some peace of mind. He couldn't have any himself, but Gwen was his friend. He had to try, even if he didn't know how much help he could be.
Gwens face lit like a candle and she hugged Merlin strongly. "Thank you Merlin, you are the best friend I could ever have…" At first Merlin had to keep himself from pushing Gwen away but soon he relaxed. Gwen was soft and warm and smelled like her jacket had smelled. He realised how much he had needed just a warm hug when Gwen pulled off.
"So you don't mind if I tell you silly girly details from now on?" Gwen asked him when they had been quiet for a while just flipping clothes to find something for Gwen. "It's easier for me to keep eye on you so, please. Just no fantasies. I don't want to hear fantasies about my gym teacher." Merlin replied much more lighter tone than he felt. Gwen punched him at his elbow for that.
Merlin chuckled at her. Teasing Gwen was fun and Merlin suddenly remembered some good material for that. "So you told me that you have had some other crushes, care to share?" Gwen almost dropped what was in her hand. "Like I would tell… I'm never going to tell you anything anymore." He mumbled but Merlin knew she didn't mean it. "Come on… you know I wont tell anyone. At least not to many..." He continued teasing and Gwen shot him a murderous look but also relaxed. She trusted Merlin.
"Ok, if I tell you some, will you leave me alone?" she asked seemingly embarrassed. Merlin grinned and nodded. Gwen sighed and told him about her middle-school crush who was her dance partner in spring festival "He hated me and I tried to follow him everywhere telling I wanted to practice more…" and about her crush for some of the friends Elyan brought home sometimes "I never had even courage to even talk to them…" And finally to more resent things "This, you will swear on your life that you will not tell anyone, are we clear?" Merlin nodded. They were having a good time and what ever it would be he wouldn't tell. "Well, for a while… I just, well... Ok, it's Arthur."
Merlin was quiet for a moment. So he had been right, in a way, he had been worried a bit that Gwen would have a crush on Arthur. The past tense however made him relax enough to say "I knew it. So that's why you hung out with me, you wanted to get closer to Arthur! I knew there was a reason." He said in a mock realisation. Gwen pushed him with one extremely pink dress which happened to be in her hand. "You are worse today than my brother!" but she was also laughing. "And for the record I was friends with you first and besides… Ok, just don't think of it too much… I might have had a little, tiny, crush on you at one point…" Gwen glanced at Merlin to see his reaction.
Merlin was very surprised. He wasn't sure if he should be happy or not. He at least was happy that Gwen didn't have crush on him anymore because that would soon make things complicated. After quick thought to it, he decided to be flattered and just plain happy that someone could look at him like that. "Thanks, I guess… I never really thought that any girl would like me…" 'or boy' he sighed in his head. Gwen smiled at him "You have your own charm but right now, I would rather have you as a friend. You are too good to lose." This made Merlin smile widely. That was definitely a good thing. What had he done to deserve a friend like Gwen?
They then looked some dresses for a while and they found some nice tunics and one dress Gwen could try on. "I hope you don't find this boring… we'll go to see the mens department next." Gwen promised when she disappeared to the changing rooms. Actually Merlin didn't mind. He had fun, being with Gwen and actually women's department was more interesting compared to mens department. Sure in the later one he had an interest of choosing himself some clothes, but women's department had so much more variation it was fun to see what there was this time.
While he was waiting for Gwen to change he had time to think about Gwen and Lance some more. He thought if it was possible at all, should he try to help them? Could Lance be trusted? They both had feelings but how different they were? Gwens was a crush but what was Lances? Also a crush? Lust? Did he like Gwen because Gwen was young or like he said, Gwen doesn't seem so young… 'I was sure she was eighteen…' Merlin remembered Lance telling him. And well, 18 and 22 years olds dating… that wasn't sounding so bad. Even if the age difference was just about two years smaller. Gwen wasn't in Lances class and if he really only knew that she was Elyans sister… If he hadn't seen her by chance in school before, that was believable, from the two of them Gwen really did seem older…
"Merlin, what do you think?" Gwen was out and she now had one of the tunics Merlin had found. It was light purple with some cream coloured lace making an empire cut. It looked nice on Gwen who had been sceptic if violet was her colour. "You look nice." He commented. Gwen smiled at him but wasn't satisfied "Does this make me look too childish?" "Well, it doesn't make you seem older… but lets see the rest first." Merlin tried to analyse. Gwen beamed "I need to shop with you more often." and then she disappeared again and Merlin continued his thinking.
When had Lace realised that Gwen wasn't eighteen? And why hadn't he given up at that point? Could he really … love Gwen? So that the age didn't matter? With that, Merlin had a completely new thought. There is a difference between love and sex… Uther certainly didn't love him but he still… Merlin again forced that thought away. He had to breath a couple of times before he could continue his thought. He didn't have sex with Arthur but he certainly loved him… He loved him. He wasn't someone like Uther. He didn't have to have sex with Arthur, he wouldn't make him do anything like… like that. Maybe he could just love Arthur for all of his life and never hurt him by being homo. He could hide it, couldn't he? Like Lance said he wouldn't do anything… Merlin loved Arthur. He felt these words fit in his mind perfectly. Now he just had to banish all the dirty want and lust from his mind. Maybe he could learn to love Arthur like a brother should?
"How about this?" Gwen was again in front of him now wearing a light brown woollen dress knitted with white patterns reaching a bit under her knee. "I like that. That would be perfect for the winter though… You have any brown flower you could put in your hair?" Merlin used every ounce of his fashion sense for commenting Gwen who seemed to appreciate it. "No... but I have some small white roses." She mused. "I think this one would be great. Is it expensive?" was Merlins honest opinion.
Gwen looked at the price tag hanging on her side and her eyes widened a bit. "Yes… It's about all the money I have saved from my birthday…" Merlin knew that Gwens family wasn't very well off. Their mother had died when Gwen had been young and their father had wanted to give them a good education and most of their money went to the tuitions along with the money Gwens mother had left them. That was also the reason why Gwen had decided that she wouldn't drive a license for herself, Elyan had saved for his own and he took them to school so Gwen didn't need it that much. For Merlin that was easy to understand, he and his mother had gotten much less.
"What is that red mark on it?" He asked as he spotted something on the price tag. "Oh! It's in discount, it's 30% off…" She still seemed to think so Merlin said "Lets make a deal, I'll pay half of it as an early birthday present and you will bake me something when we get to your place." He had barely touched the money he got from Uther his last birthday and what he had gathered from Arthur, the money would increase now and then, but he didn't want to just pay things for Gwen. He himself would have felt uncomfortable with charity.
Gwens eyes lit "Really? Oh, I'll bake you anything you want!" She danced back to the fitting room and after two more tunics they went to the cashier and bought only the dress. After that they went to find something for Merlin. They had good time. Gwen would find something hideous and they would laugh and Merlin would joke about how all the men were expected to enjoy black, gray and blue. Finally Gwen found some green and purple long sleeved shirts with no text like 'surfing in Costa Rica -78' or something along that line. Seriously what is up with mens clothing… The fabric was nice and after three stores full of gray and black, Merlin liked the colours. He bought one dark green and one purple shirt and they continued to see if he could find a college to go with them.
After two more stores they were finally happy. Gwen had one shirt, one tunic and one dress and Merlin had three new shirts and a warm brown college. They had also found some hair accessory to mach Gwens new shirt. Merlin felt a bit tired, it wasn't easy to shop like this with a girl. He felt like he had used all of his vocabulary, twice. When they arrived at the front of a restaurant that sold hamburgers, salads, pizza and pasta, they had agreed meeting, Arthur and Elyan were nowhere to be seen.
"Hold this one for me will you?" Gwen asked before giving her new dress to Merlin as she was trying to fold all her new stuff into one plastic bag. Merlin opened the dress and put it at his arms length to see it better. The pattern really was nice. 'Lance is an idiot if doesn't notice Gwen in this…' He found himself thinking. Also he was glad because it was in no way sexy, but stylish. "That suits you Merlin." Merlin looked up just to see Arthur grinning like a mad man in front of him.
It took one very confused second for Merlin to look down on the dress and back at Arthur. "Oh no, it's not for me." Merlin knew immediately that he should have joked or laughed or anything else than try to deny it. Arthur laughed at him and Elyan commented "Well at least it suits you better that it would suit this thing here." pointing at Gwen with his thump which earned him a hit from Gwens full shopping back. This made Arthur laugh even harder.
The restaurant was nice. Merlin ate well and he was quite sure that he was succeeding in getting weight. He also noted dully that he hadn't vomited in a week now. He never would have thought that he would be rather vomiting Uthers load from his throat that something else in the world, but what had he known.
When they left the restaurant, everyone was so full that it felt like miracle they all could walk to Elyans car. Even Arthur who usually ate a lot. Merlin and Gwen agreed that it would be better if Gwen baked some other day if they didn't want to spent the night by collecting pieces of blown up Merlin. They drove mostly complaining how stuffed they were, Merlin sitting in the back with Arthur. Merlin felt tired now that he was so full and after all the shopping he wanted nothing more that to lean to Arthurs side and close his eyes for a moment.
Merlin leaned to the cool window and edged himself as far away from Arthur as possible. He kept his hands on his lap and he tried to stay awake. It wasn't a long ride and after they had parked on a side of the street Gwen and Elyan lived, Merlin found himself waking up in the cool night air.
The house was nice. Merlin found comfort of it's modest size and it felt homy. He felt a nostalgia to his old home back in the country side. He really wished he could go back there and forget about Uther and himself, but here he also had so much he wasn't ready to give up. 'I really am a selfish person…' he thought a bit depressed.
They watched a movie and ate some popcorn and goofed around in the living room when Gwens dad came home. "I see you are having a good time here…" Merlin who had sat on the corner of the sofa, his legs up so no one could sit too close to him jumped with fright. When he turned, he saw a robust black man right behind him and his first reaction was fear. "Hi dad, we are going to sleep soon…" Gwen said to him still giggling for something Arthur had just said about the movie. "It's alright, just finish the movie and remember to clean up, I'm going to sleep after I eat something. Have fun!" with that he left to the direction of kitchen.
Merlins heart was beating fast. He really didn't feel good about sleeping in the same house with a man who he didn't know. He tried to calm himself down by thinking that he would be sleeping with Gwen and calculating different routes out from the house. He also remembered that the doors here probably weren't as thick as they were in Uthers house. He would have to check if they could be locked…
Elyan turned the volume down a bit because his father had worked a long sift and probably wanted to sleep soon. This made Merlin a bit happier. Not just the fact that the man he didn't know would be tired and go to sleep soon, but the way Elyan wanted to be considerate spoke volumes of what kind of a man he was.
When the movie ended, they started to search for extra mattresses for Merlin and Arthur. When they had their beds ready they retired to their rooms. Merlin changed his clothes in bathroom while Gwen changed hers in her room. Merlin was happy to see that there was no lock in Gwens door and he relaxed. He knocked to make sure Gwen was ready and when he heard Gwen tell him to come in, he went straight to lay on his mattress. Merlin was high on happiness and he wanted to talk to Gwen all night.
"I can't wait to try that on" Gwen said pointing at her new dress which was already waiting for her in her chair. "I just bet you can't wait to show it to Lance." Merlin teased. Gwen blushed "Do you think he would like it?" she asked Merlin in a quiet, shy voice. "He would be stupid if not." Merlin said honestly and Gwen looked pleased. "Do you think I'm pretty?" she asked which surprised Merlin, he hadn't thought his opinion would count. "Yes." He said again honestly.
Gwen was silent for a moment before asking sounding a bit embarrassed "Umm, when I told you that I had a tiny crush on you… well, did you ever have a crush on me?" Merlin laughed a little before remembering that it was a serious question, Gwen didn't know he was gay… "No. I didn't. But I still know you are pretty and funny and a great person to have in life." He felt a strong need to explain more to his friend. He wanted to tell Gwen he was gay. There was unequally in their relationship when he knew Gwens secret and she didn't know about his… Even if he never wanted her to know somethings, maybe he could trust in her not to hate him if she knew he didn't like girls… But the fear held his tongue.
Gwen gave him the most beautiful smile Merlin could imagine. It was full of honest gratitude and caring. "Thank you… that really means a lot to me." she said. Merlin just smiled at her. "Merlin, I trust your opinion and well, I wanted to ask you about Lance… what do you think about him?" Merlin sighed. He wasn't sure himself. He again felt his paranoia rise its head and he tried to keep to the facts when he opened his mouth. "Lance is… a good teacher. He cares about his students and he is nice… I like him and he seems responsible. Arthur also likes him and often talks about his methods with the football team." Gwen seemed like she was listening a description of something perfectly perfect Vivian made Merlin feel uneasy. He was worried, but would he make matters worse if he told Gwen that Lance also liked Gwen?
"What if Lance liked you back? What would you do?" He asked. It wasn't too suspicious, right? Gwen blushed darkly "I, I would be happy… and hope that our age difference would not get in the way…" This wasn't what Merlin wanted to know so he pressed the subject "What if he wanted to have sex with you?" He had to push all thoughts concerning himself far away so he could concentrate on Gwens reply. "I- I… I wouldn't want that yet…" Gwen was now resembling a very dark tomato. "I would want to wait until I'm older…" She didn't look at Merlin anymore but Merlin wouldn't let her get away with this. "What if he forced himself on you?" with this Gwen raised her head again. They were now both sitting on their beds and looking each others in the eye.
It took a while before Gwen replied with a serious tone "I wouldn't let that happen." "But…" Merlin tried but was cut of by Gwen. "My mother was killed by a rapist who went too far, I have thought these things since a long time ago." Merlin didn't know how to reply. This was the first time Gwen had spoke anything related to her mothers death. "I would be careful. I would have enough dates in a public places to know what kind of a person he is. I would make clear that I don't want anything too heavy before I'm older and I would stop seeing him the minute I thought there is some motive I don't like."
This efectively shut Merlin up. Gwen had really thought about this. He himself never had thought about these thing and who was he to judge anyway? He wasn't a virgin anymore… and what had he done to prevent that? He shallowed but his voice sounded hollow in his own ears. "I see… I'm sorry." Gwen who had looked stern while speaking now smiled at him fondly "It's alright, I'm clad that you worry about me but really you don't have to. And besides… Lance doesn't seem like a person who would be after someones body… I wouldn't like him otherwise."
Merlin had to agree on this one. 'Yes… he really doesn't seem like that.' he thought. Merlin had been focusing on the worst case scenario and now he felt silly. He had yelled at one of his favourite teachers and made his best friend worried… awesome. "Ok, I'll trust you on this and if he would do anything you don't like, you can tell me and I'll make Arthur kick his ass." Gwen laughed at Merlin and the seriousness was gone. "You know I have a big brother for that?" she asked Merlin with humour. "It's not that I don't appreciate your … Arthur persuading skills…" she added quickly and Merlin also laughed "I would have offered myself but I guess you would do much better job with ass kicking than me."
Gwen laughed even harder and soon they were comparing Merlins ass kicking skills and manliness to some very unflattering things. They were close to hysteria when Gwen interrupted it. "I have told you about everything important about my life now… What about you? Do you have anyone you fancy?" She said curious all over her face. Merlins laugh calmed down in a second. He felt his face grow hot and he didn't know what to say. He wanted to share his thoughts with Gwen but… He felt sudden paranoia of Arthur being just across the hall. It felt too risky to tell about his feeling for Arthur, but maybe… maybe he could trust Gwen… "I… I have never had any girl I like….like that." He said quietly his heart hammering in his chest. He tried to find words so he could tell her without telling that he liked Arthur. Gwen looked very interested now. She was hanging on the edge of her bed her eyes sparkling.
Merlin was almost there when he heard a small noise from outside the door. He saw some shadow pass from under the door and he knew what that was. Arthur and Elyan were spying for them. His face went blank. Gwen blinked at him and followed his trail of vision. Merlin made a gesture to her door and Gwen immediate caught on. She was rising from her bed an angry look on her face when Merlin stopped her with his arm. Gwen looked like a question mark and Merlin made her a silent sign to play along.
"But anyway, lets talk about Elyan, I promised to tell you everything about that one time didn't I?" He said in a bit louder than necessary with tone that suggested that Gwen knew exactly what he was talking about. "Ooo, yes and then I'll tell you about that one time Arthur was sleeping over the first time and… " She didn't get to continue further when Gwens door banged open to relieve two fluttered idiots. "Merlin! You promised!" and "That was only one time. One time! And it's NOT worth mentioning!" Merlin looked at Gwen who looked back and they both burst in to a mighty laugh.
"Did you see their faces" Gwen asked Merlin trough her giggles "I did… serves you right" Merlin tried to breathe and point at the still quiet duo by the door. "You know its past midnight don't you." Merlin stopped his laughing when he saw Gwens father standing behind Arthur and Elyan "Ah, Sorry dad, we'll quiet down now…" Elyan said sounding sorry. "Please do. If you want to talk, take the rest of the mattresses here and close the door. I want to sleep now. And you will have to make me breakfast to make this up to me." They all nodded and Gwen promised to make breakfast if Elyan cleaned the mattresses away. Elyan made a face but agreed. "I couldn't make a good breakfast anyway…" he mumbled. "Good, now good night." Their father said and returned to his own room. Merlin felt he liked him a bit and his previous uneasiness was gone. 'I have to try to not think the worst of every new people I meet…' he thought.
Arthur lifted his mattress next to Merlins and Elyan lifted his futon (Gwen told Merlin that her brother had had a period when he had liked oriental stuff very much and he had sold his bed online and bought a futon) facing Gwens bed his feet under Gwens desk. Merlin and Arthur moved closer to the door to make room in their heads side. The floor was now so cramped they would have to move the mattresses to get the door open at the morning.
When they were all comfortably under their blankets (Merlin located as far from Arthur as he could without being suspicious) Merlin had to ask "So, care to explain, why were you spying on us?" "Because they are like little children." Gwen answered for them. Elyan grinned and Arthur dodged the attention by asking from Merlin "So is it true you haven't liked anyone?" Merlin automatically moved further away from Arthur and snapped "None of your business." "You are turning red…" Arthur teased. Merlin wasn't sure if that was true, but now he was feeling too hot. "Shut up." He said and turned to his side so he didn't face Arthur. 'If I hadn't heard them…' Merlin felt a fear burn in his heart and he was so relieved he had kept his mouth shut. He would never ever talk to anyone about anything like this if he wasn't absolutely sure no-one could hear.
"And you yourself have many girlfriend in your pocket?" Gwen asked Arthur sarcastically. She was obviously not happy that their conversation was ruined before and to Merlin, she sounded like she knew something he didn't. "How would I have time for girls when I have to lead a team?" Arthur asked with I-don't-really-care attitude. "Merlin on the other hand has all the time in the world. Not even someone from your old home?" Merlin didn't want to discus this with Arthur even thought he felt annoyingly happy that Arthur had no-one in particular… "I really didn't have much choice. Elyans feet are more attractive than some of the girls in my class back home." He said remembering especially one Evelyn who had a habit of eating her own snot. 'I guess there was a reason I realised I'm gay only when I moved here…' He thought without humour.
"Whoa there, my feet are flattered and all but they don't feel that way about you…." Merlin took a traumatic look on his face "So cold, I never had the change to even get to know them better and I'm already rejected? Oh, cruel world…" They all laughed and laughed some more to some silly jokes until Gwens father knocked the door to inform them that it was past one now. After that they calmed down and gradually fell asleep. Merlin first tried to ignore Arthur lying next to him but soon he gave up and thought 'Maybe it doesn't matter if I just enjoy it a little bit?' He turned around to see Arthurs closed eyes and peaceful expression. He had turned on to his back and his pyjamas top button was open… Merlin felt his face get hot but he ignored it. No one would see anyway with the lights off and only dim light coming trough curtains. Merlin was surprisingly tired and they way he was aware of Arthurs presence lulled him to sleep. He felt safe and peaceful with the sound of breathing that filled the room and he fell into a deep sleep.
Arthur was not tired. He usually had been asleep hours at this time, but now he felt uncommonly awake besides Merlin. He heard Merlin turn, but he didn't want to open his eyes. Maybe he would fall asleep if he just kept them closed? He had good time earlier with Elyan playing some games, but when they had goten tired of looking at the screen Arthur had felt the want to talk to Merlin and he felt it was pity to sleep in the other room when he could be there with Merlin… These days out of his home were rare to him too. So he had suggested that they checked out what 'the girls' were up to. Elyan didn't need any more encouragement and they had sneaked to listen what was up in Gwens room.
"… And hey, seriously, I am stronger than an average bunny rabbit, I'll have you know that!" It was Merlin sounding hysterical "Oh, I wouldn't be so sure, rabbits can be vicious!" Gwens voice was loud and ragged from the edges, like she was trying to speak trough so much laughter that she had trouble breathing. Elyan commented quietly "Man, they have better party than we do." in which Arthur replied "Obviously, we are sitting behind their door…"
The laughter started to die down a bit and Gwen asked a question with more serious tone "I have told you about everything important about my life now… What about you? Do you have anyone you fancy?" This sparked Arthurs interest. He had asked if Merlin liked Gwen but he really hadn't dared to ask if he liked anyone else. Arthur waited curiously while Merlin was silent "I… I have never had any girl I like….like that" For some reason this made Arthur happy. He had never liked anyone like that either and he was eager to learn more of what Merlin thought at the topic, but there was also something else. He shifted his foot to a better position. There was a long pause and Arthur was impatient. He wasn't even entirely sure why because he really didn't feel like teasing Merlin about this. He felt… clad?
"But anyway, lets talk about Elyan, I promised to tell you everything about that one time didn't I?" Arthur saw Elyan tense from the corner of his eye and he wondered what that meant when he heard "Ooo, yes and then I'll tell you about that one time Arthur was sleeping over the first time and… " 'No, not that!' Was Arthurs only thought and with that he and Elyan moved as one to open the door. As soon as they saw Merlins face looking directly at the door they knew they had been tricked.
Now Arthur was lying next to Merlin and he still didn't seem satisfied. He thought absentmindedly at Merlins behaviour today and came to the conclusion that he had been worrying for nothing. Merlin didn't seem so thin anymore. He was thin alright, but maybe the sticking ribs had just been a trick of light.
He turned his head towards Merlin and opened his eyes. Merlins eyes were closed and he was breathing calmly. He was fast asleep. Arthur looked at Merlins hair that was visible only because of the contrast they had against light blue pillowcase. He wondered if Merlin would wake up if Arthur touched his hair… There was that thought again. What was with him and hair all of a sudden… But did that matter? He moved his hand slowly towards Merlin and he touched very lightly some tips of Merlins short hair.
He pulled his hand back when Merlin shifted slightly collecting more blanket to his face. After he was sure that Merlin was still asleep, Arthur felt amused at that. He himself liked to sleep in cool, he got hot easily and he normally didn't wear pyjama shirt, only pants. He thought it for a moment, but then turned his blanket so that half was on his legs and half on Merlins. Then he closed his eyes again and felt the day and the darkness get to him and he too fell asleep.