Chapter 6

Max

Me, Victoria, Taylor and Courtney are stood around Taylor's locker waiting for classes to start. After I'd had my party pow-wow with Victoria and Taylor the previous morning, Victoria and Taylor ended up hanging out with a whole bunch of people. The hookup between Jordan and Tyler that she'd mentioned to me definitely did happen and Victoria's excited even though she thinks Tyler's too hot for Jordan. I've met them before but they didn't stand out so I guess I think neither of them are hot. Courtney went home from the party drunk and got a bunch of shit from her parents so she spent all yesterday in her room. We probe her a little about Paul and whether anything interesting happened between them whilst we were too blitzed to notice but Courtney's not giving anything away.

"So anyway, where'd you go yesterday?" Victoria asks me. I'm feeling strangely protective of Chloe and don't want Victoria to know about her, like she's my own little secret.

"Just out. Taking photographs."

"All day? You ignored like a million texts." Replies Victoria "Can you guess who else ignored a bunch of texts yesterday? A certain guy who had his hands all over you at the party."

"I don't know anything about that."

"Uh-huh. I guess we should all give Hayden a round of applause next time we see him."

"He was probably in his dorm all day jacking off."

"Then I don't know if I should ask to see all those photographs you took yesterday."

I can't help but laugh along with Taylor and and Courtney as Victoria is talking. She always has an answer to everything. Kind of like Chloe. I want to cringe at the thought of comparing the two though.

"None of them are of Hayden jacking off. He needs better lighting in his room." I punch Victoria in the arm, still laughing a little. I feel really good. Best friends with Chloe again. Huge weight off my shoulders.

"I've seen the lighting in his room so I'll believe you."

"Why were you texting Hayden anyway?" I ask.

"A – because we wanted to know if he had his hands on you again and B – why he made me look like an asshole in front of Courtney over her bf."

"Don't feel bad about it," says Courtney.

"He's pretty cute, Courtney" says Taylor "I'm happy for you."

"Yeah, he seemed nice," I say "Good catch."

As I say that someone walks by and our eyes meet. Trevor. It's the first time I've seen him in a while. He doesn't say anything, he's with his skater friends, and I look away not wanting to talk to him.

"Oh yeah, I saw that!" Taylor says to me, grinning.

"What?" asks Victoria.

"Max and Trevor just had a moment."

"No, we didn't." I say.

"Oh god, I'm not surprised." says Victoria.

"He just walked straight past me."

"You're getting all shy!" says Courtney.

"You should probably talk to him sometime, just friendly," says Victoria "Don't let things get weird between you."

I'm surprised Victoria's not teasing me. Giving me solid advice instead.

"She's right, Max," says Taylor "Just act normal around him."

"You need to keep him sweet for when Hayden doesn't work out" says Victoria, with a smirk "Oh, Kate!"

Kate is approaching us. She looks more guarded and paranoid than usual, clutching some books close to her chest and looking down at the ground. She starts walking quickly once she hears Victoria, ignoring us all completely. Not even looking in our direction.

"That bitch!" says Victoria "Did she just ignore us?! Seriously?!"

I wonder if Victoria posted the Kate video while I was with Chloe yesterday. She probably would've mentioned it by now if she had. Kate looks kinda spooked and a little paranoid. I guess she does remember what happened at the party. Does that mean she wasn't drugged?

"Completely blanked us." says Courtney.

"Probably feels like shit after what happened." I say.

"She was fine with me. I leave her alone for five minutes and she's practically getting gangbanged. I'm not her babysitter, Max."

"I know," I don't want to bring up the video and give Victoria ideas, "Just relax. She'll be over it in a day or two."

"I wouldn't want to look at anyone if I got freaky with the Bigfoots either." says Taylor in a very sombre tone of voice. I want to laugh. Taylor's a funny girl sometimes but she's making a serious point so I stay quiet.

"You were all with me and Paul when she started that shit," says Courtney, taking Victoria's side "Kind of fucked up if she blames us."

"I didn't even get her drinking!" says Victoria.

"Everything's blurry for her right now," I say, "We'll just talk to her in Jefferson's class."

Kate

I'm terrified of facing Blackwell after the party and I feel disgusting. My skin writhes. Worse still are the memories. Hazy memories of people, many people grabbing me and kissing me and me … enjoying it? Laughing? Is that who I am?

I feel like it can't be real but it's almost like I can still feel the hands on me, everywhere on my body. I can still feel the thud of the music. I remember the crowd gathered around watching everything happen. I remember Nathan talking to me in a calm tone of voice and feeling safe. I remember bright, white lights. I remember waking up against the door to my room and it taking me a long time to be able to stand up and hide inside. I can't piece everything together.

I did drink but I don't want to believe I deserved this. I remember one drink only, but one drink can't explain what I became. What happened to Nathan? I know I was alone with him at some point. He was saying he'd take care of me. But then why did I wake up alone laying against my door? I suppose I should be grateful if he removed me from the party. I suppose my dorm was locked and he didn't want to search me for the key. What were the bright, white lights? The soothing voices talking to me? Was I at hospital? That would make sense but I'm sure they wouldn't have sent me back to my dorm, barely able to stand.

I wish I could talk to Nathan but how could I even look him in the face? I've never felt so alone. Would my family even stand beside me now? Who can I turn to at a time like this?

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials on many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1 : 2-4

Max

Photography is the only class I really want at Blackwell. I do okay in everything else, I guess, but algebra and math I'm failing hard right now. A big problem is I'm in a deliberately apathetic teenager phase that's a carryover from my time squabbling with Victoria. It seemed like not giving a shit was a key part of my armour, so that stayed even after Victoria and I started hanging out. I'm at a point where I need to snap out of it.

After all, Victoria is pretty much a model student. Her grades are good, she usually behaves in class and she doesn't mind sucking up to teachers (Even teachers besides Jefferson). She could hardly make fun of me for being the same. I could learn a thing or two from her (Cringe).

Plus even though I try to have this bulletproof exterior, Victoria has learnt my weakness (boys) and she's seen the meek, pathetic side of me. She teases me about it a little, sure, but then it seems like she genuinely wants to help me get over it. The more I think of Victoria the more convinced I am that she's actually a friend, and I don't need to try and be some ice queen around her. I should open up a little.

Why am I talking about my classes and why I should follow Victoria's example? I got chewed out after algebra today by my teacher, Mr. Klimek, and he wants to set me up with a tutor. I can't be mad at him. Algebra is pretty much my worst subject and honestly, some tutoring could help me a lot. Plus, I was giving him some attitude during class.

Now I'm getting tutored by Warren Graham. Warren seems like a nice guy, I guess. I don't really know him. But I'd guess his girlfriend, Brooke, wouldn't want him hanging out with another girl. Even on something as innocent as a tutoring session. And especially not hanging out with me. I was cheerleading for Victoria back when she had a big cafeteria bust-up with Brooke and ever since Brooke has been hostile to all of us Vortex Club girls (And we've avoided poking that fire). She'll probably want to nuke my algebra. Hopefully she won't show up with Warren.

It's lunchtime and I'm wondering whether I should go to Principle Wells and warn him about the potential kerfuffle over Kate's video. I still don't know if Victoria has posted it yet, or if anyone else has, but my ear is out and I haven't heard anyone talking about it so that's good.

I don't know what my relationship to Principle Wells is. He used to give me a bunch of shit back when I was at war with Victoria, but now that I'm Vortex Club he's all smiles around me and he hasn't really busted my ass whenever I've been reported by teachers.

Do I have Vortex Club powers over Wells now? If I went to him I'd probably end up ratting on Victoria, who outranks me or at least is closer to Nathan who I figure holds Wells' leash (Nathan's Dad is a big financial backer of Blackwell). No doubt Victoria would find out about any meeting I have with Wells. It's not like I'm trying to get her the death sentence, but she'd probably feel a little betrayed.

What could Wells do about the video anyway? Victoria would just deny everything. And someone else probably has footage. I suppose Wells would call in Kate and prepare her for the shitstorm that's coming her way. Then I wouldn't have to sit her down for the talk. I should've asked Chloe about all this when I had the chance.

I walk into Wells' office and find him chatting with his assistant. We end up sat in his office.

"So, Max, you want to discuss something?"

"This is anonymous right? I'd rather keep this between us."

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"Well it's probably nothing major. I just wanted to tell you that there's probably going to be a video of Kate Marsh showing up around campus soon. A drunk Kate Marsh. Making out with a bunch of guys."

"I see. I presume this took place at the Vortex Club party the other night?"

"Yeah. And I wouldn't worry about it except it's Kate, and you probably know how she is right? This is going to devastate her."

"It also brings up the issue of alcohol at Vortex Club parties. That's forbidden."

That's kind of a sucker punch and I guess Nathan and Victoria are going to end up in Wells' office wondering who ratted on them. Would they connect the dots to me?

"I'm … mainly worried about Kate."

"Do you know who has this video you're talking about?"

"No, but there were a ton of people around. Someone must have shot it."

"I suppose the big question is – was Kate consenting to all of this? Was she of sound mind?"

"She was wasted as fuck," I see Wells bristle a little at my language, "… sorry. But she definitely wasn't fighting it. I just don't know what she was thinking because it wasn't like her at all."

"Yes, it sounds highly unusual but you understand, Max, it's tough to act if there was an element of consent involved from both parties. Along with the fact we don't know who may have video of the incident, or whether such a video exists."

"I know. But I figured one of us could talk to Kate. Try and get her ready for what might be coming," I remember how Kate looked when I'd seen her earlier. "We could get her some counselling too. The whole thing is probably stressful for her as it is, even without a video floating around."

"Point taken, Max. I'm glad you came to visit me about this. Let me talk to Kate and see where we can go from there. In the meantime, if you do hear anything about a video you be sure to let me know."

"I will. Thanks."

Jefferson

I walk into my class and of course I've been eager to see Kate again. I can't imagine she's handling this well. The question is whether the dark room is on her mind at all. How will she react to me? I'm sure I have nothing worry about. The drugs are very reliable. But I am a professional and these questions cannot be ignored.

Kate is, of course, cowed. Hunched over her desk, trying to hide from view. Usually she responds with a smile to my arrival in class but today she can't rouse herself to even turn in my direction. It's not a bad sign. If she had any recollection of me I'm sure I would've garnered something of a response.

Her despondent attitude gives me an excuse to hold her back at the end of class for a quick conversation during which I can figure her out. Perhaps she'll even break down and reveal those hideous events at the Vortex Club party to me. I'd prefer she didn't. I'd be obligated to report the situation to Wells and Kate would be under greater scrutiny. This would not help me if I'm to bring her back to the dark room.

The situation reported could also land Nathan and the Vortex Club in hot water. I would not want Nathan under any kind of interrogation from Wells because I could see him withering under scrutiny, although Nathan has assured me in the past that Wells will never be an hindrance to what we're doing.

Most importantly, I want Kate to repress whatever memories she has because I want her catharsis to happen in the dark room, in front of my lens. Let the paranoia and the shame and the fear she's experiencing in this moment fester within her for a while longer. This will grow her as a subject.

For the record I don't take pleasure in the thought of Kate suffering. It is simply a necessity. Once we have completed our sessions, I hope I can find some way of offering Kate a release from her troubles. I'd done this before for other subjects in various ways, and regardless of whether their trauma was related to my sessions or not.

I conduct my class and throughout I notice that Victoria's attention is drawn to Kate just as often as mine is. Except Victoria fixes her with a glare and I wonder what the story behind this is? Anger? Jealousy? I expected Victoria's buddy buddy shtick with Kate to be a ruse, a lure into some kind of trap, but Nathan hadn't mentioned to me anything about Victoria playing a role in Kate's night at the party. I notice Taylor throwing something at Kate but I pretend it didn't happen. I wouldn't want to inspire any outbursts from Kate with my wanting to keep everything under wraps for the time being. Poor Kate.

I do loathe the Vortex Club girls although obviously, Max is an exception. She doesn't participate but passively ignores the bullying of Kate. I suppose I should be disappointed in her. Is it a lack of empathy or a lack of courage that prevents her from interrupting this hazing? I'd say a lack of courage but either way it all plays into my hands. She will be easily manipulated. I also note that even though Max and Hayden are supposedly involved now, they haven't taken to sitting together in class. A nice sign.

The class ends. I remind everyone about the Everyday Heroes contest and, as usual, I find myself in conversation with Victoria. Max and Taylor both leave the class without her, both flashing me smiles as they walk by. At first I'm concerned I won't be able to catch Kate before she leaves but she remains in the class of her own accord.

Kate

I can't focus in Mr. Jefferson's class at all. I just want to bury myself in the ground so no one will ever see me again. I practically ignore the entire lesson, lost in my thoughts, and I hope I'm not offending Mr. Jefferson but mercifully he doesn't call out my behaviour and doesn't ask me any questions. He must be taking pity on me, looking as pathetic as I do, frozen in place, unable to look anyone in the face. I think of my family and what I'd do if they were in this classroom with us all. I wouldn't be able to look at them either. They won't ever know, I tell myself, but then I need their forgiveness.

Mr. Jefferson asks me to stay behind after class. He must be concerned over my attitude in class. Mr. Jefferson is perhaps the one person at Blackwell I feel I can count on the most. Of course, the other teachers are friendly with me too, but there's something else about Mr. Jefferson. Something that tells me he connects more deeply to his students than the usual teachers.

But I wouldn't want to ruin my friendship with Mr. Jefferson by telling him about my behaviour at the Vortex Club party. I can't imagine what he would think of me. I know I need to talk to someone, but I don't feel I have the strength. At least not right now. I may have to risk telling Mr. Jefferson about this, but I need a stronger resolve.

Jefferson

Kate is very hesitant to talk to me. Extremely guarded and I figure I'm not going to get anything in the way of a coherent recollection or emotional outpouring, which is fine by me. I can sense she is not at all wary of me, which I expected but I can say with certainty now that she has no clear memories of the dark room.

But interacting with her like this excites me. I already feel like she's primed for another session in the dark room. All that emotion bubbling under the surface. She's barely keeping it together. I'm sure another shoot will complete my work with her.

Max

I leave Jefferson's class with Hayden's hand on my back and I remember Victoria telling me to not let him take control. Victoria is walking in front of me, talking to Taylor about Kate and I want to listen in but Hayden is talking to me. I feel kind of bad because it seems like the Vortex Club has burnt all bridges with Kate and I'd kinda hoped we'd at least give her a chance to talk after snubbing us earlier in the day. Instead it's now pretty clear Kate is on our shit list. I'd rather just stay out of it completely.

"So one thing I've been meaning to ask you – are you really on this Jefferson thing?" Hayden runs his hand up my back and then lays his arm over my shoulders.

"What Jefferson thing?"

"All the girls wanting to bang Jefferson," says Hayden "That Jefferson thing."

"Is this jealousy, Hayden?" I say with a little tease in my voice.

"Definitely!" he says "But I don't know, maybe you're not as obvious as Victoria ..."

Victoria's head darts around at us.

"Are you two talking about me?" she asks.

"Max was just telling me your butt looks great in that skirt."

"Oh?" Victoria looks at me.

I fix my eyes on her ass like I'm hypnotized.

"Just keep walking." I say.

"Shake it!" Taylor says, giggling.

"Max, if only you weren't taken!" says Victoria. She laughs a little before getting back into her conversation with Taylor.

I laugh too. Hayden slides his arm down to my waist and pulls me back a little, slowing us down so Victoria's out of earshot.

"So, Max …"

"Sure, I'd bang Jefferson," I say, "What does this mean for us?"

A part of me hopes he breaks up with me on the spot, but this is too playful a conversation.

"Jefferson's a good dude," Hayden says with a chuckle "A little too good to get involved with students if you ask me."

"I've heard he's got previous with students."

"The Rachel thing? I doubt that's true. I mean, Rachel was into him. But Victoria probably just spun that into a scandal."

I could buy that, except I don't think Victoria has ever outright said she had firsthand knowledge of Rachel – Jefferson. Which isn't like her.

"I guess I'll have to throw myself at Jefferson then and not waste my time playing the long game?" I say.

"Then I'll catch you on the rebound." Hayden says with a laugh.

I realize Hayden and I have been stood still for a little while. Victoria and Taylor are nowhere to be seen.

"You wanna go hang out?" Hayden asks me.

"Kinda what we're doing already."

I eventually lose Hayden and beat myself up over not complaining about him touching me all the time. Gotta take control, like Victoria said. I run into Victoria and Nathan as I leave the school and say hi, but don't hang around because I feel I should put some effort into the Everyday Heroes contest. I have some nice photos but I don't have the one. My best photos at the moment I'd only submit if I was desperate. I guess the one with the two kids slung over their dads shoulders is the one I'd choose right now if I had a gun to my head.

Everyday Heroes … I've considered hanging around the hospital before and I think about it again. But it's far too cheap and easy. I'm sure someone will have already stooped to it. How about fishermen? Fishing is a tough business. I watched a show about it once. Fishermen are a pillar of the Arcadia Bay community and they're still kind of unsung and low-key. A world away from us pampered students at Blackwell. Plus, ocean views and sunsets …

Chloe

Max shows up out of the blue and I'm pretty happy about it. But I tell myself I should still be semi-upset with her for the years of neglect and milk it a little more if I can. She moves in to give me a hug and it seems like it'd be funny to act grossed out so I hit reverse on my wheelchair. She looks at me, confused. Embarrassing.

"Whoa there! You're excited today." I say.

"I guess you're not in it for the hugs today."

My mom is stood there watching us.

"Now I can't believe you'd turn down a hug from a sweet girl like Max." she says.

"That's not what she was really going for. Trying to cop a feel, am I right?"

"Like I'd try that in front of your mom."

Mom starts laughing.

"Say no more." I say. I start driving towards my room.

Max starts laughing along with Mom. I'm glad those two still get along. I always wondered if mom was upset with her for not keeping touch, although she always was Team Max whenever we talked about it. I guess sometime I should give them some time alone together so they can catch up properly. Although, I guess I should say screw it because they could just set up a date at the Two Whales any time. I wonder if mom still goes there? It'd be weird for her. I should ask Max to bring me some food from the Two Whales next time to see if it still measures up, but then she'd have to feed me …

"So what's going on, stranger?" I say once we're alone and the door is closed.

"Nothing much." She sits on my bed "I just thought I'd stop by and say hi. I've been out taking polaroids."

"You're still a polaroid girl, huh?"

"It's my retro style. I have to take a photo for this contest called Everyday Heroes. Mr. Jefferson wants me to enter."

"And we all know you've gotta keep Mr. Jefferson happy, right?" I say, smiling. Max has such an obvious crush on her teacher "You need to take a pic of him for me by the way. I need to know if he's good enough arm candy for my Max."

"I actually have a couple of him."

She starts rummaging in her bag. She has a ton of photos stashed in there.

"Well I'm glad he's just another polaroid and you don't have him framed in a Jefferson shrine."

"He's not that special," she says. She finally reaches the pic and shows it to me. Max took this pic while she was hiding from him. He's bent down talking to some laughing kid.

"Wow, stalker much?"

"I just saw him while I was walking around. It was a nice shot with the kid there."

"I don't know if he counts as a hipster without a lumberjack shirt on."

"He is kind of a hipster," she says with a little giggle "He bought me a piccolo latte after I took this photo."

"A what latte?"

"Piccolo."

"Max, this guy's a bad influence. You said there were a couple of photos?"

"The other one is pretty much same shot. I took two."

"Well, I guess he's a snappy dresser," I say as Max puts the photo away "And he's good with kids if you want to have babies someday."

"I'm not taking that bait …" she says, smiling at me "Ugh, I'm gonna be thinking what our kids would look like now"

"Ugh I need to change the subject. Show me what you're entering for this contest?"

"I don't really know yet. Earlier I was taking some photos of some fishermen. Fishermen are pretty heroic."

She starts flipping through her polaroids again and now she's showing me some photos she'd taken down at the pier. I can tell she's a little excited to get my opinion. She's watching my eyes seeing if they light up or not.

I always loved her photographs. Even when I hated them I still made out like I loved them. I'm happy she's still doing this. She shows me one photo of some guys unloading a boat that's pretty neat. There are big crates being hauled along a line of four guys. One of them is shirtless, his back turned, and his sweat is glistening in the sunlight. I'm sure photography types love that kind of thing. One guy is huge. He looks about 7 foot tall.

"That one's pretty awesome," she looks "Teamwork, you know?"

"Yeah. I just wish the sun was setting behind them. And I wish you could see some fish in those crates."

"A whole bunch of dead fish won't make it look better. I like the sweaty guy."

"Don't reduce my art to sweaty guys." she puts on a posh voice.

"Don't act like you weren't there for the sweaty guy!"

"I'm not into hairy, sweaty guys. I know it's weird."

"Don't tell me there's another photo where he's hairy?!"

She smiles and starts looking through the photos. There's another one with the guy turned around slightly and you can make out the thick, black hair on his chest.

"Oh god, Max."

"I'd let you keep that one but I don't want your mom to know I'm perving on guys for you. The polaroid's too much of a giveaway."

I liked talking to Max. I mean, I always liked talking to Max but now she's a real smartass. Not so shy. I could even see her being kind of a bitch, like she said she could be.

Max

I'd lost track of time with Chloe and completely missed the last bus back to Blackwell, but William gives me a lift. He tells me he's really happy to see me back together with Chloe and how she's been a lot more upbeat since I walked back into her life. I feel like Chloe does me a world of good too.

As I'm walking back to the dorms I run into Saffron, who I last saw at the Vortex Club party and who doesn't actually live in the dorms and who I thought was a pretty funny girl. She looks good too. I wonder whose dorm she was in and I think of Hayden. We talk and she makes me laugh.

Saffron is kind of flirty but that's kind of her thing. Maybe it's just the slur in her words that's raising my eyebrow. She turns her head briefly and I sniff but I can't detect anything under her perfume. No weed. No alcohol. Maybe she's been with Nathan and he's got her on some of those pills? The perfume's really nice and I ask her what it is and she says she doesn't know it's just something Italian that she stole from a girl called Fiona. I smile. Crime does pay.

" … so anyway, I think we should hang out more." Says Saffron.

"I mean, sure, I'd like that," I say "You hang out with that guy Gareth and … I forgot her name."

"Sophie?"

"Yeah. Sophie. I'd hang out with you guys."

"And we would definitely hang out with you too," she says, laughing, "They're both pretty cool. We make fun of Gareth a lot so, you know, you could get in on that action."

"I think I will," I say with a big smile "Shame we never got Gareth together with Courtney."

"We'd have saved her from a lifetime of therapy if we stopped her fucking gramps."

"It'd only be a week's therapy if she fucked Gareth."

"You're a natural! Only problem is I don't want to imagine his blue balls if we add a third cute girl to our team."

"We'll have to get him a pity fuck somewhere," I want Saffron to know me and Hayden aren't serious because in this moment she's hot and I'm interested. It feels like she's interested in me too. "We can't let him suffer with blue balls. Hayden's got the same problem."

"Poor Hayden!" Saffron says with a grin that confirms everything to me. "Look, I should head home before I get shit on by my parents, but why don't we chill in your dorm for a while?"

"Not tonight," I freak out and completely lose eye contact with her "I have homework right now."

"Really?" she says, curiosity in her voice and I hope she can't twist it into another come-on, "Well can I get your number at least?"

We exchange numbers and say our goodbyes.

Jefferson

Nathan and I are sat in the Two Whales Diner. A run down little place that he insisted on. The food is sloppy but I don't mind slumming it occasionally.

Importantly, I enjoy my talk with Nathan. I feel like we've made a breakthrough.

Nathan began jittery, unable to focus, but soon mellowed to the point where we could hold a decent conversation. Of course, in this public setting with the waitress, Violet, lurking and most likely interested in me we couldn't discuss our whole operation in detail. But I emphasized to Nathan the creative direction I was heading in. By emphasizing my own growth as an artist I've been trying to offer him a kind of blueprint over the last few months. Not to be simply copied but to lay out technical details that will give him an idea of scope. The potential for nuance even within a restricted setting.

One reason for this is that Nathan makes a point about our setting A point I've never felt totally comfortable addressing. He feels that the dark room only lends itself to one style and so inevitably he'll come off as an imitation of me.

He enjoys the subjects (Perhaps not the exact same subjects I do in terms of their aesthetics. But he likes what the drugs bring about) but would prefer different scenes. Specifically, filthy, chaotic settings such as the junkyard in which he took photos of Rachel on the night he killed her.

Of course, this is very impractical. Our operation needs to have complete discretion and shooting outside of the dark room is a risk. We had pushed our luck enough already with Rachel.

But another problem is that I can't figure out how I feel about Nathan's artistic direction here.

Half of me would be happy for him to set himself apart from my work. Part of that is a teacher's pride, and the thrill of seeing a student step up and pursue ambitions. Another part of it is that I want my own work to remain unique, not diluted by imitators.

But then other half of me almost wants Nathan to follow in my footsteps. Perhaps exactly. I suppose I'm less … threatened that way? Now I shouldn't be threatened by Nathan at all. But the idea of him taking the same concept, my vision, but making such a fundamental change as the setting? It puts us in direct competition. Within my setting, using my techniques and my aesthetic obviously Nathan poses no risk to my work.

My setting is what it is. I use a clean, sterile milieu because the subject is the complete focus of the shot. I wouldn't have it any other way. But Nathan's junkyard setting, for example, undeniably adds a texture, a menace, a story to his shots. I know this has power. Why? Because in another lifetime that is one thing that set me apart as a photographer. It was one of the more powerful aspects of my grimy, sordid older work. Nathan would blur the lines between the old Mark Jefferson and the new Mark Jefferson. That threatens the entire idea of me evolving as an artist. I don't want there to be a happy medium between my styles. I want night and day.

So where do we go? By necessity, Nathan has to remain in the dark room. Even he should understand that. No matter how much he wants to branch out into other places.

I also can't begin to think of Nathan as a rival because I need his resources, and I need to maintain a positive relationship with him. And let's be honest, Nathan has a long way to go to reach my standards of photography.

For now, I compromise. I explain to Nathan that in the dark room, together, we augment each other. We each add something to a singular body of work. At the same time, as he learns nuance, we can remain distinct from each other. Nathan is young and has decades ahead of him as a photographer. For now, he benefits from being under my tutelage.

I also say I sympathize with him and that I understand him feeling chained in the dark room. I tell him, as difficult as it is in a boring town like Arcadia Bay, that he can still find the shots he wants without manipulating the subject. That as the money behind the Vortex Club Nathan can manipulate the setting instead. If Nathan wants a messy scene full of drunken, unconscious sluts he simply needs to take more control over planning these parties.

This seems to be something of a eureka moment for Nathan. His eyes light up. I remind him that in my younger days I'd shoot parties all the time and he tells me, enthusiastically, that he always loved that period in my photography. He can't understand why he didn't think of shooting parties before and I explain to him that we're both, for good reason, trying to be discreet and we don't yet fully understand what our boundaries are.

By the end of our conversation I'm quite satisfied with the progress we've made. This was an important day in my relationship with Nathan.

Max

I arrive back the dorms and decide I'll stand outside Kate's door for a little bit, listening. Victoria is playing the new Benny Keane album (Which I like) but it's soft enough that I figure I'll be able to hear Kate if she's crying. I wonder why I need this? Would it spark me into action? I don't hear much of anything and I go to my room and start doing some homework.

I get a text from Hayden saying that he's thinking about me and it just creeps me out. Does he expect me to head on over to his dorm now? I don't reply. I see I have a few others texts that I hadn't read.

The first is from Warren. He asks if we can begin the tutoring after school tomorrow. I text him back telling him sure, and I add a smiley face and hope that smooths thing over nicely because I'm sure he's nervous about the whole thing. Because he seems like the nervous type but also because I'm sure Brooke has painted him a pretty grim picture of me. After sending the text I wonder if Brooke will ever see it. Will she think I'm being suspiciously friendly with her bf? Perhaps she'll be a little jealous? Victoria would love it if I told her I was luring Brooke's boyfriend away. I'll tell her that. But really I can't picture myself successfully leading a guy on, even a dork like Warren.

Victoria has sent me a text saying that she did something pretty stupid with Zach. It's deliberately vague on details. I suppose I'm a little curious but Victoria has a habit of blowing things out of proportion. Victoria's still awake, probably, because I can still hear music coming from her room. Now she's listening to Fuzzy Bomb, who I also like, and I feel like paying her a visit just to tell her she's kicking ass with the stereo tonight but I decide I have too much homework and we can just talk about it tomorrow. I don't text Victoria back because if I do she'll end up in my dorm.

Interestingly Saffron has texted me. Although she says she's just checking to make sure I didn't give her a fake number with a wink emoji. I text her back saying it's not fake with my own wink emoji, which for me is a bold move.

I have two texts from random Vortex Club members who I kind of know, Jon and Rene, and I'm not sure how they got my number. They're asking me to hook them up with Nathan's number. Drugs, probably. I pass on Nathan's number. I wonder why I'm the girl they go to for this information? I suppose I'm the least threatening of Nathan's 'circle'. I hope they don't think I'm a druggie or anything. Rene texts me back quickly, grateful. I don't hear back from Jon.