.:18:.

Things Change

"Hey Cody! Long time, no see!"

Maddie smiled a brilliant smile, side-stepping the mountain of toys that sat by the doorway of the day care. Cody grinned and returned the hug she gave him. "I know, I've been so busy lately." He tilted his head. "Weren't you supposed to be back in school?"

"Yeah, but I've had time to come back and pick up a few extra shifts," Maddie explained. She shook her head. "Money has been pretty tight lately, I'm trying to take down as much tuition as I can."

Cody could sympathize. He remembered the times he, Zack, and his mother lived out of their car when there weren't too many places for them to go. And he knew how difficult it was for Maddie. The same explanation each time she was asked about it, and all without any sense of embarrassment as she did so. But she was getting to her senior year, almost ready to move from the East Coast in its entirety. At least, that was what she said.

Cody knew she would never be able to leave her family like that. Knew how she felt about it. Wondered the same thing for himself. He wanted to go to Yale, full stop. No other college entered his mind. Harvard was never on his radar. Too obvious. Didn't have everything he wanted in it. Yale had been his biggest target since he was five and nothing was going to stop him getting there.

Other than not having received an acceptance letter yet, but that was completely beside the point. And, there was leaving Zack and his mother behind. Would they be able to survive without him? His mom tended to cry whenever he talked about going to college. Zack could hardly care less, often not speaking about it himself. And as Cody wanted to experience everything life had to offer him, Cody couldn't help but feel a little queasy at the mere idea of having to leave.

Leave everything he knew and loved behind. It was the perfect time to take the chance and experience everything college had to offer, and yet…

Cody forced a smile. Forced that part, the sympathy was something he hadn't had to work hard to make come. He truly did feel for her. "Things haven't been getting any better?"

"Well, some more of my brothers and sisters need braces," Maddie explained. "And my grandma hasn't been doing too well lately. We may have to move her to a retirement home soon." She shook her head. "So, I'm doing the best I can to work on my expenses." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a high-tech cell phone. "Exhibit A."

Cody gave her a funny look. "I don't know if you've noticed, Maddie, but that's not something that most of us normal people can afford. Especially you."

Maddie gave him a look. "My last phone wasn't that bad."

"It was made form candy." Cody laughed when Maddie shoved him hard on the arm. "Let me guess…London?"

"London," Maddie agreed. She put the phone back into her pocket. "She hired me as her assistant for this new fashion line thing that she's working on. You know, since she dropped out of school. She can be demanding, but it pays very well."

Cody's eyebrows rose in surprise. The last time Maddie had been London's assistant, things ended worse than badly. They fought, they argued, they decided not to speak to each other, all because London was making Maddie do crazy things, thinking it was what she was supposed to be as a socialite while stomping all over Maddie's feelings and her work when things became more than difficult. Maddie, on the other hand, worked hard with what she was given, making excuses for London as she needed the money and they were friends.

To know she was working with them again, Cody worried. He'd been London's assistant during many instances with her web show, knew what it was like to be abused by what London thought were good ideas and excitement. But even Cody knew it wasn't a good idea to mix business with family and friends. Club Twin shut down fairly quickly from that conundrum alone.

"And things are better this time?" Cody asked.

Maddie smiled and reached out, mussing Cody's hair. For a moment, Cody flashed back to when he was ten, eleven years old and Maddie had to babysit him and Zack every time their mother went to do one of her shows. Where she would be strict enough to make sure they did their homework when they got home from school, made sure they had dinner, took a bath, and went straight to bed. Then there were the times she'd get stuck in all their schemes, too many to count by that point.

"Much," Maddie agreed. "London and I are working very well together." She paused and started to say something else, then stopped when she heard a commotion behind her. She turned around and sighed heavily, shoulders slumping. "James, Darien, stop shoving Lincoln Logs up your noses." She held up a hand, backing away from Cody. "I'm sorry, I have to take care of this. It was good to see you, Cody."

"Good to see you, too," Cody called after her. He smiled, watching as she grabbed the two little boys and tore them apart from each other, dropping tiny Lincoln Logs all over the floor. How funny, he was sure his mother said something about him and Zack doing the same thing when they were younger.

"Hey, Cody." Zack walked over, shuffling towards his brother. Cody looked down, his smile widening when he spotted two little kids hugging Zack's legs. "I'll be done in a minute." His eyes darted around the day care. "Just…don't touch anything. We've had a bit of an issue with some chocolate today." He paused. "At least, I hope it's chocolate."

Cody grimaced and took a step back. His anxiety immediately spiked at even such the idea that he could touch anything covered in germs. And children were a landmine of germs. He liked children, to an extent. Understood the point of reproduction and what it meant economically, socially, intimately. Children were some of the more creative and innocent minds out there, often coming up with bigger and better ideas than adults could, before the pressures of life and the realism of the world managed to knock them and their positivity down.

But they were also some of the most disgusting creatures on the face of the planet. I should know, I grew up with one of the most gross, Cody thought. A fond smile came to his face, immediately flashing back to a point he was young, and he and Zack would charge headlong into mud puddles and dirt piles only for Zack to kick and scream, refusing a bath when Cody was all too happy to clean himself off.

There were some of the biggest differences between them starting even before they could understand that they wanted to be individuals and not 'the Martin twins' all the time. Cody whipped a package of anti-bacterial wipes out of his cross-body bag, immediately turning to wipe down the table next to him and anything else he may have come into contact with.

As he cleaned, Cody looked up and watched Zack lift the two giggly, squirming girls off his legs with ease and deposit them with Maddie before going to a nearby computer to clock out for the day. He didn't look tired, but more amped up. The Super Extrovert to Cody's Extrovert. Cody was shy when he first met people, sometimes wondered what to say before even opening his mouth, knowing his interests weren't the most common. He liked to meet people, always enjoyed getting to know how people lived and different cultures, and yet Zack managed to do it with so much enthusiasm and without any regard to nervousness.

It was a wonder anyone thought they were completely identical before getting to know each other. Especially now that Zack was in his recovery stage. He hovered between being thin and a normal, healthy size, face was still a bit gaunt, his hair was growing back. And yet, Cody hated how if he looked at the two of them in the mirror, he saw two completely different people rather than boys who looked the same with different personalities when all he used to see were identical looking boys.

And he didn't quite understand why or how things turned out that way.

"Are you trying to polish a hole through the table? 'Cause if Mr. Moseby finds out, I'm not paying for it," Zack commented, walking up to Cody's side, a backpack slung over one shoulder, and the Tipton staff shirt slung over the other.

"Believe me, Mr. Moseby would be glad to see how well I can clean this place," Cody replied with a smile. He maneuvered the wipe between his fingers, making sure he got everything clean, before tossing the wipe into the wastebasket. He headed toward the door, reaching out for "Do you know how many different strains of germs and bacteria are even just on the chairs?"

"On the chars? No. But I can say at least two on the doorknob you're about to grab." Zack shrugged. "Two of the kids sneezed all over it today."

Cody squealed and shot his hand backwards. He glanced at his palm, wondering if he even came into contract with any of the germs that would be teeming along the surface of the doorknob by itself. Not to mention how much he breathed in from the air alone.

Zack, on the other hand, laughed and grabbed it, pushing the door open. "Relax. Maddie and I clean everything when the kids are taking a nap." He yawned, lifting his backpack higher up his shoulder. "You've really got to stop taking everything so seriously sometimes."

Cody wiped his palm against his chest, following his brother from the Tipton to the bus stop. As the twin brothers walked along, Cody watched Zack. Watched as occasionally, Zack would yawn or rub at his eyes, nevertheless continuing to move on autopilot, knowing exactly what he was doing and where he was going.

Cody was suddenly struck with a tone of sadness. He used to know everything about Zack and vice versa. And he was too…selfish? Self-centered? Busy, to know what was going on with his twin brother until it was too late?

Zack looked at Cody and rolled his eyes. "Geez, Cody, it's not that big a deal."

"You think?" Cody didn't shoot back with a prepared retort like he always did. Didn't make a face. Didn't mentally squish Zack under his giant brain as he wanted to do. Maybe he was more like Zack than he thought they still were. Considering how quickly Zack was able to continuously downplay whatever it was that Cody was going through.

"Yeah, I mean, if Yale doesn't want to have you around, then that's their problem," Zack continued. Cody blinked in surprise. Yale? He was talking about Yale? "There's plenty of other colleges who are going to want you and all those stupid awards and projects and presentations that you've done since you were four—"

"—Three," Cody interrupted. "I think you're still forgetting about that moldy bread experiment."

"Oh yeah." Zack smiled. "I was out for almost a week."

"The longest time we've been apart," Cody agreed. "Until I went to math camp, anyway."

"And now you're going to college." Zack leaned against the pole for the bus stop and crossed his legs at the ankle. He shoved his hands into the front pocket of his sweatshirt. Of his massive sweatshirt, Cody thought. Zack shrugged, looking away from Cody. "So, until Thanksgiving, I guess."

"Well, it's not like you're not going to be doing anything," Cody reassured Zack.

"Yeah, vegging out on the couch when mom's not nagging at me to get a better job than the day care." Zack started to pull off his beanie, stopped, and lifted the front to run a hand through his hair. Apart from sleeping, Cody couldn't remember the last time Zack didn't wear his beanie 24/7. "The benefits are okay, though."

Cody snorted. "What benefits?" He asked. "Mr. Moseby is too cheap to give anyone even good benefits. You know Maddie wouldn't be working there if it wasn't that the pay was so good." Cody suddenly had the thought that Zack was making a lot more money than he probably knew what to do with and made the mental note to remind him to put it into a savings account, let alone save it for college. God knew their mother wasn't going to suddenly hit rich within the next couple of months.

"I meant the benefit of seeing Maddie every day, but you're right."

Cody rolled his eyes. The bus pulled up and Zack waited for the doors to open before jumping on. Cody walked on behind him, avoiding contact with the handrails and seats before dropping down into one next to Zack. (But not before disinfecting it as well, making the other passengers glare at him from the white cloud the permeated he clean air on the bus). Cody looked over at Zack as he yawned again.

"Did you stay up late playing video games again?"

"No, lacrosse practice," Zack said.

"Oh yeah, it was the first day. How'd it go?"

"It was fine. Coach is a little intense, but we should have a good team. You should see Patrick and Noah, they freaking fly up the field like no one's business. And, you know, everyone is saying that you should play, too. If you were that good at basketball, I'm sure lacrosse wouldn't be too hard for you."

"I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"I'm nice to you all the time."

"If by being nice you mean punching me on the arm, flicking me in the ear, shoving me, pushing me so you can climb on my back—"

"Yeah, I'm a freaking Saint and you don't appreciate it." Zack flashed a grin to Cody, who smiled back. Then Zack's eyebrows rose. "Crys was really good at practice, too. She's fast and her stickhandling is great."

"I'm sure the other guys weren't too happy about her being there," Cody reasoned.

He'd watched part of practice that day, wincing every time Crystal was knocked to the ground by one of her teammates that were much bigger than she was. She popped back to her feet each time, but…he still worried.

Cody was a worrier in general but toxic masculinity was a real thing. He would know, Zack had shades of it every now and then, Drew was one of the worst offenders, and his friends, who were also on the team, followed anything Drew did.

Even Moose tried to talk Crystal out of playing. Even when they were on the field, no matter what Crystal did right, Moose would ask, "Are you sure you want to be out here? This isn't no little girl's game."

To which Crystal would just throw the ball to him harder and harder. Even from the distance Cody sat, he could see the frustration on Moose's face the more she did it. His entire upper half would jerk backwards from the ball coming to a sudden stop within the netting of his lacrosse stick.

"You have no idea," Zack agreed. "But, it's the same way when Max joined the basketball team when we were in middle school. They tried their hardest to get her to quit."

"But you were dating Max at the time. You're not dating Crys."

"That can be fixed."

Cody shook his head. Be it true to Zack that he'd find a way to bring all his conversations back to girls. The two lapsed into silence for a long time, until something Cody didn't realize was bothering him until they arrived at the therapists' office. "How'd you know about Yale?" He asked. "I never said anything about it."

"You didn't have to. You act like such a psycho whenever we get the mail, and then you're moody for the rest of the day when you don't get what you're waiting for. Which is ridiculous because you've already got accepted into NYU and Columbia. And whenever Bailey mentions Yale, your head practically explodes with jealousy. It doesn't take an idiot to figure out what you're obsessing over."

"I'm not obsessing," Cody protested. "I'm…" What are you, then? All you can think about is school and when you're not thinking about school, you're…doing nothing. You're worrying about Zack. You're worrying yourself silly. You're trying not to think about Sadie.

Cody's stomach sank. Why did he have to think about her then when he hadn't thought about her for a long time. Hadn't thought about how he was sure she'd been in their suite. How he was sure she was in his room and moved his brush. She had to have been there for a long time to be able to do it and no one see her. That was the horrifying thought. That no one had seen her do it. And there was the call that Mr. Moseby received.

Sadie had been to the Tipton enough times to see Zack that she knew the Tipton and their suite and the personnel inside and out. Almost obsessively. For a minute, Cody remembered what'd gone on when Agnes was in their lives. How she managed to sweet talk her way into their suite, speaking with their mother and being so 'cute' with her when she was, in fact, more than obsessive. Who knew they'd manage to attract two crazy people in their lives?

Once Agnes moved away, Cody felt more than ashamed that he felt nothing but absolute relief. It was a strange feeling, knowing someone had such big feelings for him that he couldn't and would never return. Uncomfortable. Now that familiar feeling was creeping back and all he was did was have a brief thought about her.

"Obsessing," Zack reiterated. "School is all you've ever cared about and when things don't go your way, you freak out. Like when you couldn't figure out that stupid laser thing that you were working on and you didn't want Barbara Brownstein to beat you." He stood up as the bus came to a complete stop. "Believe me, Cody, there's a lot more to life than school."

Cody followed Zack off the bus, making sure they paid exactly for their fare, and followed his brother into the large office building. It looked more like a high-rise penthouse than an office by any means. But as London was paying for it, she could afford the best and it certainly was the best. Cody stood aside as he greeted—and flirted with—the young receptionist, signing the two in. He handed Cody a guest pass, and sat in the nearby reclining chairs to wait.

Finally, Zack's name was called and the two went into the office. Cody's jaw dropped. Dr. Morrison's office rivaled what their suite looked like. Large, floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the city and the other nearby buildings, some that had rooftop gardens enhanced the spectacular view. Bookshelf after Bookshelf lined the walls, each shelf filled with self-help books as well as memoirs and works of fiction. Some of which that Cody loved himself. A large desk sat on one side of the room, with a set of chairs, couches, and furniture on the other. A chess table sat in the corner of the room, a basketball hoop was hung over the door that led to the closet, and there was a tiny table complete with chairs, crayons, and coloring books for any children that would be with their parents.

"Hey Zack, how's it going?" Dr. Morrison reached out his hand and the two slapped palms, coming together in a man hug.

"Not much I can complain about," Zack replied. He hooked his hands around the straps of his backpack. "Other than the usual, I mean." He reached out and slapped Cody on the shoulder, bringing him forward. "This is my brother, Cody. Cody, this is Dr. Morrison."

"Hey Cody, nice to meet you." Dr. Morrison shook Cody's hand firmly. "I'm glad you decided to join us today."

"It's nice to meet you," Cody replied. He took another cursory glance around the office, noticing how comfortable Zack felt dropping his bag to the ground to stretch out on the couch. "I can't help but notice you don't have your credentials out on display."

Dr. Morrison grinned, folding his arms. "I don't like to brag about where I got my degrees. And, as you can imagine, there are many people that feel that, no matter the degrees you have, they still can't trust you. I don't like to base my work around that more than what I can do to help people. If they don't like me, then they don't like me. It's because I can't give them something, not that my degrees can't."

Cody nodded. He understood. No point in bragging about where he went to school when his work could speak for itself. I wonder if he went to Yale. Cody couldn't help the nasty though that came to mind.

Then, almost as if reading his mind, Dr. Morrison asked, "Zack told me that you're interested in going to Yale?" Cody nodded again. "What were you thinking of studying?"

"Eventually I want to become a Supreme Court Justice, but being a lawyer, doctor, astronaut, physicist, or a chemist are all up there, too. You can't have too many options."

Dr. Morrison blinked in surprise. His eyes shifted aside to regard Zack. Zack lifted a hand and waved lazily saying, "I told you."

Cody frowned. "Told you what?" He felt sweat flood beneath his arms. There were too many things Zack could have told him. Could have said he was a nerd, a dork, a waste of a brother. That he was more annoying than the most annoying person on the planet. That he wished he was more athletic. The list was too long.

"Nothing bad. Just that you're very particular and steadfast in what you want. It's a great quality to have." Dr. Morrison waved Cody over to the seating area and sat down, picking up a clipboard stacked with paper on top. "So, let's get down to it. Did you remember to bring your journal?"

"Yep." Zack reached into his backpack and pulled out the notebook Zack had slammed his hands on and shoved away whenever someone could come into the room. "I've still been writing in it when I've gotten the chance. Not as much as I'd like, but I've got some stuff done."

"And how has the last week been for you?"

"Not too bad. Lacrosse started up, and the homework seems to be getting easier…"

For the next hour, Cody sat back and listened as Dr. Morrison and Zack talked about everything. Cody was glad to sit back and watch. Just listen as Zack released everything he was worried about; school, missing his friends, what he felt he couldn't control; school, his friends leaving him, and worried about his future; where he'd live up to everyone's expectations and not amount to much.

"Is it that you're worried that you won't amount to much or is it that you think what you choose to do, other people won't be supportive?" Dr. Morrison asked. "Because it sounds like, to me, that you care a bit too much of what other people think of you."

Zack snorted. "It's hard not to when you're constantly being compared."

"Yes, that's something you bring up a lot," Dr. Morrison agreed. For the first time in over an hour, he looked toward Cody, who sucked in a deep breath, bust stayed silent. Willed himself to stay silent. IT wasn't his session, and while Cody could easily talk about his feelings, Zack clammed up until he had to talk. (Though Cody was sure Zack was even more sensitive and sentimental than he was, when he showed it). "Tell me, Zack, do you resent Cody for the comparisons you get?"

"No," Zack said readily. Cody looked at his brother carefully. Knew every time when Zack lied; recognized the quick changes in his brother's face when he did so. Zack always shifted his eyes to the side then grinned confidently. Over the years he learned how to do it so fast that others only saw his grin and took his charisma at face value.

He's telling the truth, Cody realized after a second.

"Is there anyone you blame for your comparisons? I know you and Cody have had your differences over the years. Hell, even just by looking at the two of you, I can tell you're different."

"You'd be the first one," Cody piped up.

Again, Zack was ready for the question. "Teachers," he explained. "Our classmates. Sometimes our friends. People on the street constantly asking, "Who's the good twin and who's the evil twin? Who's smarter?" He hesitated and glanced at Cody out the corner of his eye.

Dr. Morrison noticed. "It's okay, Zack, if you don't want to say—"

"No, I know who he's going to say," Cody interrupted. "He's going to say 'mom'." Zack nodded. Even though Cody was supposed to be quiet, he couldn't help but speak up. It wasn't something he was surprised about. Zack had all but said the same thing when they visited him in the hospital after his heart attack. Explained it again when Zack decided he wanted to live with their dad for a little while. Cody just never said, "He's right."

Zack gaped at him in surprise.

"Since we were young, mom's compared us on a lot of things. I can't blame her for it, she was a single mom and was worried about our development. If one of us wasn't walking, she'd compare us to the other one. If one wasn't talking, if one wasn't running, if one wasn't learning things faster…it always had to be a comparison." Cody paused, frowning. "Almost like she was trying to make us compete with each other."

"A competition I'd always lose," Zack mumbled so quietly that Dr. Morrison didn't hear, but Cody certainly did. His heart hurt every time he heard Zack talk like that, but also felt the same way when it came to sports and popularity. They both knew that, but while Cody tried Zack…didn't. Cody ended up getting on the basketball team and got some respect while Zack continued to put off homework and be lazy about it.

"Is that why you hate her?" Cody asked his brother. Dr. Morrison continued to stay silent, sitting back as he watched the two talk to each other. It was a tactic he used, Cody realized. He'd let Zack sit in silence long enough so that he could collect his thoughts and speak honestly.

"I don't hate mom," Zack said quickly. "I don't hate anyone."

"Is that why you're mad at her?"

"I've been mad for a long time, Cody, you know that. I'm surrounded by everything you do all the time. School is always what you've been best at, it's your thing. And then I'm forced to do your 'thing' and I'm not going to live up to it no matter how much other people want me to. But I'm not mad at her."

So that meant…

"Are you mad at me?"

Zack tilted his head back, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "I'm not mad at you."

"Then how come we're not close anymore?" Stunned silence stretched between the two. Cody hadn't meant to ask. Hadn't mean to sound like he was whining. Hadn't meant to say anything at all. It surprised him more than Zack that the words came out. Dr. Morrison really knows what he's doing to get people to talk. "We don't hang out and if it wasn't for basketball, you don't want to do anything with me."

"Cody…" Zack warned.

"No, I want to know. If it's still because of your eating disorder, I'm not bothered by that anymore. I looked it up, I researched it. I understand. Nothing that we've been doing over the years had to have been helping. But, I'm trying to help you now. You know that."

"Is it that you feel no one is on your side?" Dr. Morrison asked. "That everyone is waiting for you to mess up?"

"I've felt that way my entire life. If they thought I was going to mess up, I may as well do what they expect. And now I'm in therapy and go to the doctor almost every month. I really messed up this time, huh?"

"Zack!"

"The reason why we're not close is because we're not friends," Zack snapped, giving his full attention to Cody.

Cody stared at him. Felt a pinch behind his eyes. Hope he wouldn't stop crying. They weren't friends? How was that possible? They were brothers. Twin! Zack was his absolute best friend. I thought I was his. Truth be told, Cody didn't feel anyone was closer to him than Zack was. That it wasn't possible for anyone to even come close to what he and Zack had. "What are you talking about? Of course, we are!"

"No." Zack shook his head. "We're brothers. We're twins. But we're not friends. I've been a shitty friend to you as much as you've been a shitty one to me. We haven't been friends for a long time. And let's face it,"—he shrugged—"the sooner you go off to college, the better because then we don't have to pretend we are."

A/N: I'm sorry it took a while for me to get back to this one. And it ended on a bit of a sour note, but it is something I've wondered about for a while with SLOD episodes like Goin' Bananas and The Silent Treatment.

Cheers,

-Riles