As expected the night before school started again, there was a discussion about the transportation. Merlin had not much to say about the matter, but he was relieved when Arthur volunteered to take him to school. Merlin had tried that he could wait for Arthur in the library and do his homework while he was in practices with Gwen, but Uther told him that 'it was no trouble for him to pick Merlin up, he was driving by anyway'. Bullshit, Merlin thought and he knew he had made a mistake by mentioning Gwen. He would regret that slip many times during the year.
The rest of the discussion didn't interest Merlin at all. Uther would drive his mother or something and thus they would leave before him and Arthur and there was something about Arthur taking responsibility of them being early at school or what ever.
That night Uther came to Merlins room for the first time after Merlin had thrown up on his feet and made Merlin suck him off. He reminded Merlin of concentrating on his studies and behaving. He never mentioned Merlins pleas or his vomiting. Merlin threw up quite a lot after that.
The first day of school was mostly like any other day for Merlin. He just had to wake up earlier and eat his breakfast with Arthur. He only actually really felt that he was going to go to school when Arthur left him standing alone next to their class room disappearing to greet his team mates. Merlin spent about ten minutes just staring the almost empty hallway before Gwen arrived. Arthur had wanted to play safe because this was the first time he had driven to the school. Merlin didn't mind, he could spend his time either staring at empty hallway or his empty room. It was all the same to him.
After two hours Merlin could tell that this year was going to be dull. They had a new english teacher who was so excited about her own subject that Merlin wasn't even sure if she remembered that she had pupils and the PE was again going to be the last two hours of monday. Those were the most interesting news of the day. Merlin regretted already that he had read some of this years books last year. Even with every teacher telling them how this year was going to be more challenging than the last, Merlin knew it wasn't going to be enough to keep him occupied. Or interested. 'My life is so boring…' Merlin thought when yet another teacher started to tell what they were supposed to learn this year.
Arthur wasn't as worried as he could have been when the third teacher started to pile up projects and essays that they were supposed to manage to do this autumn. He glanced at Merlin and he saw him looking like he was trying to turn liquid. If Merlin was bored, that meant he would make the best notes and be able to answer everything Arthur asked from him. Of course if this summer had taught Arthur anything at all, it was that a bored Merlin was a cranky Merlin and that wasn't as fun as it should have sounded. 'Well, at least he gets out of the house five times a week… and he has other friends than Gwen here, right?' Arthur had to really think, but in the end he couldn't remember if Merlin had talked about anyone else and even if Arthur knew that some of his team liked Merlin, he didn't seem willing to talk to them much. Like this morning Arthur had asked if Merlin wanted to come with him to find Oliver (his car had been in the parking lot) but Merlin had just told him he would rather wait for Gwen.
Arthur frowned a bit when their teacher told them about yet another group work and he scribbled the details to his notebook, but his mind was still on Merlin who also seemed to write something down, even if it couldn't be the whole summary the teacher was showing before again dropping his head on the desk. Arthur cursed that he couldn't do much to help Merlin with being bored. He would be at school until five every day and after that he still had to get excellent grades and even if he now had his own car, he would consider himself lucky if he could lie himself out of the house once a week. 'My life is so packed…' Arthur thought when he fished his new textbook from his bag.
In few weeks Merlin started to find his school self again. At first vomiting again in regular basis had sucked a lot out of Merlin. Uther seemed to like to show where he belonged by coming into his mouth and it just didn't agree with Merlins stomach even after all this time. Or psyche, whatever, Merlin didn't care where the problem was, his mind was on the result, vomiting.
Also Merlins mother was home so he figured that blow jobs were safer option in Uthers opinion. 'Jolly good…' was Merlins sarcastic thought to that. Merlin was loosing weight again and it was more painful that Merlin remembered it had been last year. Some days he would wake up and think, 'how did I do this last year?'. But every day he still managed to rise up and by the time he was sitting in Arthurs car, he would look normal and act like he was just not a morning person and/or that he just really didn't need breakfast.
When he found his school self, Merlin realised that he was capable of liking and getting excited of things again. At home it was still hard and he mostly just studied to keep himself occupied and to have an excuse not to do anything else with anybody. He also used a lot of time to make his notes so Arthur could loan them whenever he wanted. Still his moods varied greatly. Someday his good mood seemed to overflow in school and somedays he was too tired to care about anything. Gwen even joked about it sometimes because Merlin made sure that if he caught for example Gwen looking at him strangely when he was not in good mood to exaggerate so it was seen more as a joke or an attitude than anything else.
Vivian, oh so politely helpful as always, had commented that Merlin was like Marvin from the Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy one day when he was lying across his desk in math. This was actually so much of a surprise to Merlin that he forgot to b insulted, he never would have thought that Vivian would be one to read.
After that they had actually had something to say to each others and Merlin had managed to arrange some book swaps between them. Vivian had flicked her hair when he had asked and looked displeased at first (common expression on her face) but then to Merlins surprise she had replied "that sounds good, just please tell me you don't write your name on your books?" Merlin had no idea why she was asking, but he still had told her that no, he didn't write his name on his books and she had looked… almost pleased. "My father would go crazy if he found out that I have this kind of arrangement with a boy, so I'll just tell him that the books are from Gwen. And don't worry, I know you are safe." She had said and flicked her hair once more before she had practically told Merlin which kind of book to bring to her and when before walking off to somewhere.
"Oh, you don't mind Gwen that I use you to lie to my family? Oh, of course not, go ahead. Oh, you are the dearest Gwen, a real treasure!… Would it really hurt her so much to acknowledge that I'm standing right here?" Gwen mimicked Vivians 'I'm- more- important- that- thou- voice' to the fine art. She didn't like how Vivian had ignored her the whole conversation.
The teachers didn't care much about Merlins moods, he had excellent record and while some of the teachers had gotten annoyed at first with Merlins selective lack of backbone, they had just made Merlin answer some difficult question and when Merlin had answered correctly every time, they had given up. If he listened enough to know answers to every question, it was enough for them.
Arthur had tried to get Merlin out of the house. That was obvious to Merlin. He appreciated it, of course, but somedays it was just too much. As much as he wanted to be close to Arthur and every glimpse of his life that Merlin didn't see, felt like a lost glimpse, Merlin still couldn't find strength to it somedays. And besides, Merlin was quite aware that if he seemed too eager to go to see Arthurs friends he hardly knew and to play football he hardly could stand, Merlin risked to be found out. Even if Arthur seemed clueless of what happened around him in context of love and crushes, his friends might not be and Merlin feared them somedays as much as Uther.
In fact, Merlin was gradually closing himself off from most of the people. Some of his class mates had teased and even bullied him of being so lanky or spending so much time with just girls and most of all, changing for gym in the bathroom. That was not something Merlin could do, or say anything about. He was changing in bathroom and nowhere else and while it hurt him to hear how his classmates (and the boys from another class, they had joined PE) comment and guess his reasons (everything from a third nipple to hickeys to being an alien) he didn't say much. He couldn't, and while it felt like he was doing nothing and thus allowing it, the teasing stopped eventually.
As an after thought Merlin guessed that he had been too boring to be teased and he was happy with that. Still, he preferred to ignore everybody else than Arthur, Gwen, Elyan, Lance and maybe Vivian on the days she wasn't being too rude and the days they swapped books. Surprisingly, Vivian learned quite quickly that Merlins attention needed some level of niceness and actually the books she loaned to Merlin turned out to be quite interesting and somewhat different Merlin would have thought they would have been. On good days Vivian would comment on the books Merlin was loaning to her with approving tone. It was nice.
Lance Merlin mainly observed. He didn't talk to him apart from the necessary teacher-student things, but he kept an eye on him and Gwen every time he could. With a ghost of the taste of Uther in his mouth, Merlin just couldn't bring himself to lower all of his defences. He tried to keep in mind that Lance hadn't done anything wrong and Arthurs calmness on the topic and the fact that he himself liked Lance, but still he felt alarmed every time he saw Lance even look at Gwens direction. Some days Merlin wished he could just hang out with Lance a bit to get to know him better and finally lower his defences. Like had happened with Gwens father. But that was not an option so he was stuck.
It had been almost one month since Merlin and Arthur had spend a night in Gwens home when Merlin happened to stumble to Elyan in hallway alone and he suddenly remembered what he had promised to Gwen, so he made effort to talk with Elyan longer than normally. Elyan didn't seem to mind. Merlin could tell they got along well and he was happy for it. He needed friends and Elyan was a good choice if Merlins opinion was asked.
"So where were you all the nights at summer?" Merlin managed to slip to their chit chat. Elyan left his jaw hang for a moment, but he recovered quickly. "You are the first to actually ask me that mate…" He said looking almost flattered. Merlin wasn't impressed "I'm sure I'm not. How about Gwen?" Elyan rolled his eyes "Little sisters don't count. You are the first friend who has asked me that." he said grinning. Merlin had blinked at him confused. "Oh come on Merlin, you are a good guy and a friend. Don't look like that just hit you." Elyan had said with light tone and patted Merlin on the back, hard.
For once Merlin hadn't minded. He felt warm and happy that Elyan too thought of him as a friend. "But anyway, this is a secret alright? I have been doing some night sifts at this restaurant to save money. I can't tell you for what though." Elyan looked a bit embarrassed and Merlin gave him an unimpressed look. "It's for Gwen isn't it?" He said with a flat voice and Elyan blushed furiously "Damn it Merlin! Can't you at least guess that I have a girlfriend or something?!" Merlin laughed at his flushed state "You couldn't get a girlfriend if your life depended on it." He didn't mean it and when Elyan gave him a grumpy look in response, Merlin had to get a bit more serious. "I was just kidding, I just know the look you have on your face when you don't want Gwen to know you actually don't think she's like Arthur." Elyan gave Merlin a questioning look. "Annoying prat." Merlin replied to his unsaid question like it was common knowledge.
Elyan chuckled, but got more serious after that. "It's just… She just turned 16… and I want to get her something, she has been… you know, like a mother in our family after… anyway, and she is the youngest so…" Merlin knew what he meant and he could guess tha Elyan didn't want to talk about his mothers passing, so he just nodded. "What are you going to get her?" Elyan looked relieved that he didn't have to explain anything "I was thinking of a laptop. She would need one and she could actually be the one to make something of herself in our family, you know? And I wanted to get something like a birthday party too… It's late I know, but I still don't have enough money for the laptop. Now that Arthur doesn't pay half of my gas anymore I need some income…" Elyan glanced at Merlin "You know my sister the best, what do you think?"
Merlin was a bit surprised that Elyan asked him, but there was no doubt in his mind when he replied to Elyan "I think it sounds great! She will appreciate that you actually thought of her rather than just a general girl. You could throw in something small that lets her think that you actually have eyes and realise that she is a girl and beautiful… like nail-polish or a cute notebook." Elyan looked at him in wonder. "You really know what my sister is thinking… are you sure you wouldn't want to date her? I would appreciate that." Merlin grimaced at him. "No offence, but I'd rather not. I can tell you what she thinks even if we are not dating, I promise." Elyan laughed at that and Merlin relaxed again.
"Alright, alright, Thanks man, you put my mind at ease, but I might have to ask you about the nail-polis thing again later." Merlin grimaced again "Just don't tell anyone about that, I have enough trouble without adding a rumour of me being an expert on nail-polish… " Elyan seemed to understand and he patted Merlins shoulder laughing happily. "Alright, well see you another time, gotta run before old Geofrey will have my head." And he was off.
Merlin was satisfied what he had learned and he tried to think a way to tell Gwen as much as possible without giving Elyans surprise away. It was until half way to his class that Merlin realised that he hadn't thought of anything when Elyan had pated his shoulder even if he was a man. That made Merlin happy for many days. He could be just friends with a guy without having strange feelings! That meant a world to Merlin.
Arthur had seen quite a change in Merlin. He was clearly more animate in school, like last year, but the contrast against the summer was much greater. Merlin didn't seem as bored or as angry as he had been. Arthur had seen him laugh and smile and just enjoy himself all while being his witty self. It felt so good to see him like that, but Arthur still wished Merlin would be more like this at home too. Maybe it was too much to ask. Arthur wished that he could be the source of that carefree and happy place Merlin seemed to have at school. Maybe he was in a way, but not as much as he would have liked to be. He himself wasn't that much a fan of the school if not count the football and seeing friends. Still Arthur kind of understood that Merlin enjoyed school. He was good with it after all and he could just be with his friends and not worry about family (Arthur was not sure if Merlin included him in his family or friends actually…).
Arthur had also kept an eye on Merlin and he was now very aware that Merlin mostly talked with Gwen and Elyan and for some strange reason, with Vivian apart from Arthur. It wasn't that surprising that Merlin didn't like most of their class mates because of the teasing they did. At first Arthur had thought it was harmless, but after few too many comments on Merlins changing in bathroom habit, Arthur had felt his temper boil. What did it matter if Merlin didn't like to change in a middle of a big room full of loud idiots? And how was it any of their business anyway?
He had managed to get into a fight over the topic with two boys from their class and he knew he wouldn't have backed off on his opinion or defending Merlin so luckily the bullies broke it of with a 'Alright! Shees man! Keep your girl, it's not like I care.' Arthur could have commented on how Merlin was his step-brother and not a girl, but he didn't want to. So he just rolled his eyes. He kind of feared that this could start a new rumour and it could get him and Merlin under a microscope, but even if there would be a misunderstanding, it would be very easily corrected if it got too out of hand even if Arthur didn't say anything right now. His worry soon turned out to be for nothing, Arthur was popular, even more now that he had stopped being an ass himself long ago, so everyone left it at that and comments about Merlin stopped mostly and altogether in PE. Arthur never told about defending Merlin to him. He wasn't sure if he would appreciate.
Even if Merlin was looking happier, he was still far from predictable. He wasn't exactly angry anymore, more like unnervingly calm actually. At least on the surface. One of the days Merlin had been in his bad mood, Arthur had actually found himself standing next to their stairs looking after Merlin who had gotten fed up of social contact for the day (or so it seemed). That was nothing unusual, but what was, was that Hunith was standing there with Arthur looking exactly like he felt. "He used to be so calm you know? I knew that this phase would come at some point but I guess I'm still not used to seeing him so…" Hunith trailed of, but Arthur knew what she meant. He didn't say anything, but some reason he felt that Hunith understood anyway.
If there was something good on the endless projects and group works their teachers seemed to think they needed in order to success in life, it was that Arthur had managed to pair with Merlin in most of them. Even those they had to make alone, Arthur often asked if Merlin wanted to do them together. Merlin usually said yes, even if after few times Arthur learned that Merlin had already finished his work before Arthur had even started. He had no idea when Merlin managed to do that. Those few hours Arthur was in practices? Was the football really taking this much time from his school work? But with Merlins help, Arthur was getting results and he didn't dare to question why Merlin was helping him as long as he was helping and Arthur had a reason to spent more time with him.
After the school had started and after what Gwen and Merlin had told him, Arthur had noticed some girls who blushed when he looked at their direction or asked him if he wanted to do some pair project with them and he was quite sure that when one girl from year above had asked him if he wanted to go to visit her sisters cafe, she had meant it as a date. The girl had been a daughter of one of Uthers business associations so he kind of couldn't be sure, but he knew that if he had told about that to his father, he would have told Arthur to go 'to make good relations' or something along those lines. Arthur understood where his father was coming from and the girl was popular and pretty… Maybe he should try dating? If not for other reasons, then at least just so he could find out if he really had a serious crush on Merlin? But the thought troubled him to the point that when one morning Merlin had asked why he looked like he had swallowed a lemon, Arthur had actually blurted out that he wasn't sure if he should date this girl or not.
"Oh, that's not really something I should tell you." Merlin seemed to understand and his tone was calm even if Arthur could hear tha Merlin did have an opinion on the mater. Still Arthur knew that Merlin was right. He should make these kind of decisions himself, but he had no idea of what to do and he wanted Merlins opinion. "I'm asking you Merlin." Ok, it might have come out a bit irritated, but Arthur was a bit on the edge. He needed an honest answer and he was highly uncomfortable on the subject. He hoped that Merlin wouldn't laugh at him this time.
"You really want to know what I think?" A quick glance to Merlins direction told Arthur that he wouldn't. That was a relieve and Arthur felt comfortable now so he nodded. "I think you are mad, I think you are all mad, people should date those who they love, not those they find convenient. What ever your father says, remember that even if he wants you to succeed in life, you have the choice of how you do it." Arthur could only listen Merlins answer his mouth hanging slightly open. Merlin looked him straight in the eye looking more serious than Arthur had ever seen him before. He had no words to answer anything and as he parked his car, Merlin averted his eyes. They hadn't talked more on the subject and Merlin never asked Arthur what his choice had been, but Arthur felt that it wasn't necessary. He had gotten his answer. He never even mentioned the whole thing to his father.
What he of course did, was that he politely refused the invitation stating that he had too much work to do. Still he had given serious thought to every girl who approached him after that. If he could find himself interested in any of them, going out on a date might not be such a bad idea. After all, then he could make some order on his thoughts and feelings even if they might just confirm that he indeed had a crush on Merlin.
But in the end Arthurs didn't find himself interested in any of them and Merlins words kept ringing in his ears making it impossible to even think going on a date with some random girl. The only one he found himself interested in was Merlin. It had made him feel devastated at first, (mainly because he couldn't ask Merlin out) but now he had come to terms with his feelings. He still didn't know if his crush made him gay or not because he really only wanted to spent time with Merlin and be close to him and maybe cuddle a bit. He kind of knew that if Merlin would (for reason unknown) ask him to kiss him, Arthur would do just that, but it wasn't one of his priorities.
The idea of sex and the messy looking snogging he had seen glimpses of in the school (there was a corner in the football field that apparently was a popular snogging place) held very little interest for him and the fact that the general populaton seemed to expect that things like that were constantly in his mind just because he was a teenage boy caused him distress and he dreaded the day when someone would expect him to take that kind of action. Now that he thought about it, maybe gong to a date would have been a terrible idea.
With Merlin he felt at home for many reason and one of them was that Merlin never seemed to expect anything from him for his own convinience. It was not just that Merlin didn't demand him to be something that he was not like his father did all the time, but that he never just asumed how Arthur felt or thought. So maybe it was not that surpricing that Arthur wanted spend a lot of time with Merlin. It wasn't always easy because Merlin didn't want to do just anything it seemed. He wouldn't come with Arthur if he wasn't in the mood of football or to see his friends. But studying, if Arthur asked, Merlin would always come to Arthurs room to study.
While Arthur was sure that if it was not for Merlin, he would never have studied even half this much without having to bash his brains out just in order of not to die in boredom, but when he got home from his football practises tired and just wanting to lie down and watch a movie, it still only took about half an hour for him to get anxious and then he would get up and go to knock on Merlins door.
He was happy that Merlin had let some of his guard down when they were studying and Arthur had slowly moved from sitting one meter apart from Merlin to sitting less than half a meter apart from him. Merlin didn't seem to notice the change and it made studying a bit easier when they could actually look at the same book at the same time. It seemed that Merlin was getting used to Arthur. Finally. One day Merlin had even leaned at Arthur when he had been laughing. Arthur had felt a rush of electricity on his skin. He wished Merlin would do that much more often. After the moment was gone Arthur had caught Merlin looking at his hand in disbelieve. Maybe he was as surprised by the gesture that Arthur had been.
Merlin had grown during the summer so he and Hunith had gone shopping for new clothes after the school had started. Merlin had bought only clothes with unusual colours. He now had not just purple and green and red shirts, but also brown and green and red pants as well. And he never matched them together. According to Merlins sense of style, the more colours he could wear at the same time, the better.
"Green trousers, purple shirt and brown jumper (the same old one, Merlin almost never left it at home) and you wonder why you are teased at school?" Arthur had to comment one morning when they were driving to school. Merlin looked down on himself and then back to Arthur. "Well, I happen to like colours." He replied like it was no big deal, but in reality he was bothered that Arthur didn't like his style. It should have been a trivial thing, his clothes were the last thing on a very long list of reasons why Arthur would never like Merlin the way Merlin felt about him and they didn't even make to the list of Merlins other problems in life, but still… right now it felt troubling.
Arthur was quiet for a while before mumbling. "I guess it suits you… It's actually cool that you are yourself what ever people say around you…" Merlin blinked once not really sure he had really heard what he thought he had heard. 'Cool' wasn't something he would have associated with himself, but the way Arthur said it didn't seem forced or sarcastic. Merlin blushed and he had to turn to face the side window. "Thanks…" he said quietly. He was happy. It felt awesome to hear Arthur tell him that. Merlin memorised every single word and stored the warm feeling inside his heart. He would think of them every time someone commented how weird he looked and every morning when he chose his clothes for the day.
After feeling like he was on a cloud for the first hour or so, Merlin thought that it was quite annoying how much Arthur could affect his moods, but as long as Arthur said nice things like that, Merlin would be happy and take everything he got. It was just that it came with a risk. Merlin knew that if Arthur would say something negative about him or for example if someday he would share his fathers opinion of gays, Merlin knew he wouldn't be able to take it. He would grumble from the inside. If not immediately, then gradually until there was only dust left. It wasn't a nice thought. For a while Merlin wondered if he should ask Arthur what he thought about gays, but the answer frightened him too much and it felt too risky anyway, so Merlin said nothing.
It was yet another group project that let Arthur an opportunity to get him and Merlin to sleep over at Gwens. They had managed to form a group of three and they were really excited to work together. Vivian was grumpy because she had also wanted to work with Merlin (it was an english literature project and for once Vivian was capable of doing a good job). Merlin had of course completed his part of the task on one long night he had waited for Uther to make appearance and tried not to dwell on that Uther could make his appearance and definitely not think of Arthur while waiting. So, they would probably get the work done quite smoothly and that would leave them time to do something fun. Gwen had told them that her father had promised that they could have the house for themselves unlit about ten in the evening if they promised to go to sleep when he got home from work, he had an early shift the next morning. He had taken a liking of Merlin and Arthur too and he seemed to see their friendship as just what it was. Just friends, no danger attached for his daughter. While knowing what had happened to his wife, Merlin was grateful for his trust.
Arthur had worded his request to get to spend the night at Gwens from friday to saturday very carefully. They would come home for dinner and leave afterwards. They would need the night and most of the saturday to get the project started and they would be back for dinner again on saturday. Arthur had been making a point of how good team the three of them made and finally Uther had agreed and sounded even pleased that Arthur thought that he had a group they could get the job done well. But he also made quite clear that he expected results. That didn't bother Arthur. He hadn't lied when he had told his father that he had the best group he could hope from their class. Merlin being ahead of everyone in any given subject was more of a rule than an exception and Gwen was smart and hard working and she had eye on detail. Arthur felt that he was actually the weakest link of the group.
The friday came and Arthur woke up excited and eager to get the school day done so he could go to Gwens with Merlin. They would start the project and then they could have fun and in the end Arthur could sleep next to Merlin. That just felt very, very nice. If Arthur had some luck, maybe he would hear something more he didn't know about Merlin. Maybe there would be even a change to hear more about which kind of girls Merlin preferred. In a way Arthur didn't want to know and he was usually glad that Merlin didn't go on and on about girls like most of their class mates, but with the level of distress of anyone touching him, Arthur had started to suspect that maybe Merlin was something like himself? Maybe he either just wasn't interested or that he even hated physical contact if he wasn't absolutely sure that the person didn't have any ulterior motives. That would explain why he could still hug Gwen, she had a crush on someone else after all. Arthur had wanted to talk about that many times now, but he felt it too awkward to start that kind of conversation himself.
After Arthur had told good day to his father and Hunith, Merlin hadn't still shown his face. This wasn't that unusual even if Merlin knew that his mother didn't like that not to even mention Arthurs father. Arthur made his way upstairs. He would check on Merlin so they wouldn't be late. Merlin wasn't a morning person clearly and he rarely even ate breakfast stating that he didn't feel like eating so soon after waking up. Arthur usually forced him awake after their parents were gone just to get him to eat even a little bit. Arthur had again noticed that Merlin seemed thinner. Though it was hard to tell because Merlin wore so many layers, so it could be just that Merlin had lost one of his underneath shirts…
When Arthur knocked the door and stepped in immediately after that, like usual. Merlin however wasn't like he usually was, collecting his stuff or changing in his closet, he was sitting on his couch, staring into nothingness. He didn't even look at Arthurs direction. "Merlin, time to go. What are you doing?" Merlin didn't answer, but he stood up. He was still in his pyjama and Arthur frowned. Would he be ready in time? "You know that we don't have that much time right?" He had to ask and Merlin looked at him blankly. "I know. Go away. I'll change."
This wasn't usual either. Merlin rarely told him to 'go away' even when he complained about Arthur barking into his room. "Are you alright?" Arthur had to ask. Merlin didn't seem alright and worry started to creep on Arthur. Merlin had dark circles under his eyes and when he walked towards his closet, he seemed to sway. Like he wasn't entirely in balance and he could trip to his own feet at any given moment. He was also pale. "I have a headache." Merlin just said, still not looking at Arthur before closing the closet door behind him. That wasn't good. Arthur felt uneasy, Merlin being sick somehow made him a bit sick too. He wanted to help, so he left Merlin to change and went to search some painkillers. That should help, right? He also took one of his water bottles and filled it with some juice. Even if Merlin would be late, he could take the medicine in the car.
The ride to school was a silent one. Merlin reluctantly agreed to take the painkiller and he seemed to get a bit better with it, but not by much. The whole day he looked like he wasn't really there and by the time Arthur got home, Merlin had collapsed to the living room couch and Hunith was besides him asking what was wrong. Merlin normally never stayed in the living room and Arthur had to wonder had Merlin been too tired to get upstair so he had just collapsed on the first surface he had seen? That couldn't be good.
"Merlin? You still have a headache?" Was the first thing he said and Hunith turned to look at Arthur a bit confused. "He told me he had a stomach ache…" She said and Arthur tried to explain himself automatically even if he was confused himself "At the morning he had a headache. He took some painkiller for it…" Understanding dawned to Huniths face. "Oh, I see… Did he eat anything before taking it? Arthur shook his head "No, he drank it with some juice thought." He wasn't sure what this had to do with anything, but he didn't see anything wrong with telling the truth either. "What kind of painkiller was it?" Hunith asked and Arthur had to confess that he didn't remember.
He went to get the baggage and when he returned with a box of aspirin, Hunith looked at the baggage her brow furrowing slightly. "Aspirin can irritate stomach… How many did he take?" Arthur hadn't known that and he felt bad that he might be the cause of Merlins distress. "Two… I didn't know…." Hunith nodded again and turned to her son "Merlin? Should you stay home after all? You don't seem too good." Arthur felt disappointed and a bang of guilt. Disappointed because he had been waiting for this sleepover more for the reason that it would be with Merlin than anything else and guild because Merlin clearly didn't look good and here he was, thinking only himself. "We really need to start the project…" He still tried a bit hesitantly feeling guilty, but hoping that Merlin would take the change to tell his mother that he would be fine. He could rest at Gwens too… Arthur knew that Gwen wouldn't mind.
"Sorry Arthur, I feel a bit sick… I think it's best if I just rest at home… You can take my notes with you." Merlin said and he did sound sick. And tired, but also a bit guilty. "Gwen will be disappointed…" Arthur still tried even if he knew that he would feel bad if Merlin would come rather for Gwen than for him. Merlin turned his head and looked at him with tired expression. He slowly shook his head. "I wouldn't be any use to you like this. I have already done my part, I'l give it to you before you go." Hunith agreed to everything Merlin had said and Arthur knew there was nothing he could do. He didn't want to go like this. He wanted to stay with Merlin. He wouldn't have any fun without Merlin anyway and he would just worry if he left Merlin here.
"Then I'll stay here with you." He said with a tone that suggested that no argument would be needed. He wouldn't change his mind anyway. This however seemed to get some life back to Merlin. "No! No, it's alright, I'll just sleep anyway and you have a project to start." Hunith was worried too. Arthur knew that she had made plans for tonight and Uther would be working late like usual. "Arthur, you should go. I'll stay with Merlin. I'll just call that I can't come after all… Susan will just have to find someone else to help her, I'm sure she understands." "But you promised her already, right? I can stay, it's no problem, it's better if we can work all three together anyway so…" Hunith and Arthur continued to argue politely for a while who would stay with Merlin until Merlin had enough.
"I can stay here alone! It's just a bit of a head ache, I'm 15! I just need some rest and I know full well how to sleep without any help." Hunith looked at Merlin a bit hesitantly. "Merlin dear, it's just that you are never sick like this…" She said making Arthur a notch more worried. "It's nothing serious. And I can call you if it get's worse. I'll just sleep and I can get something to eat before you go." He reasoned sounding annoyed but not letting his temper get better of him. Hunith seemed to notice this too and he reluctantly gave up. Maybe because she didn't want to fight with sick Merlin? Arthur would have wanted to tell Merlin that tough luck, he wasn't going anywhere, but it felt too suspicious and Arthur had to bite his lip not to show how torn he felt not to be able to stay by Merlins side.
In the end they all ate dinner in silence, Arthurs father came home just before dinner and he would leave with Hunith soon after and give her a lift to her school friends home before going to his office again. He also found it reasonable that Merlin would stay home rather than go anywhere and he seemed to think that Merlin would be alright here alone. That didn't surprise Arthur at all. His father had never stayed with him or Morgana either when they had been sick. Even when they had been a lot younger than Merlin was. Merlin ate some soup for dinner and soon he excused himself and Arthur heard his door close soon after.
After Hunith had gone to Merlins room to make him promise that he would call if he needed anything at all and getting him some water and painkillers (paracetamol this time) to his arms reach, their parents left. Arthur had already called Gwen who was disappointed, but not surprised. "Merlin looked awful the whole day…" she had told Arthur who had to agree that she was right. He regretted that he had pressed Merlin and pressured him to come with him. He would have just suffered that way.
Before leaving, Arthur wanted to make sure that Merlin was alright. He knocked softly on Merlins door and stepped in without waiting for replay like he always did. He was surprised to see Merlin next to his couch, changing to his pyjama. He had just been taking his shirt off, but he pulled it back down as soon as he saw Arthur. He had no pants anymore and he looked troubled. Arthur blushed a little, he hadn't seen Merlin change for… he had no idea for how long. He felt his eyes wander, he hadn't done that before… He kind of knew that he should stop, but before he could, his eyes found something he was positive he hadn't seen before and that caught his attention. There was a scar on Merlins tight just under where his boxers ended.
"Where did you get that?" He asked before he could think. Merlin was pulling his pyjama pants on as fast as he could and he looked at Arthur with expression Arthur found hard to read. "What do you mean?" It sounded to Arthur more like Merlin tried to avoid answering than he didn't know what Arthur had meant, but he didn't call him for that. "That scar. I didn't remember that you had one…" Merlin looked uneasy and he didn't look at Arthur when he mumbled. "It's just an old thing… Stupid really."
Arthur wasn't convinced. He still was quite sure that he hadn't seen that scar on Merlin before. Of course he could be wrong, he hadn't looked at anyone very carefully and when he had started to pay attention to Merlin like that, he had been changing in bathrooms and closets for a long time already. But that aside, the scar didn't look old at all… It had been pink and kind of fresh looking. Arthur had seen quite a few scars, he himself had some he had gotten playing and he remembered how one scar he had gotten as a child had turned white with time. "What happened?" He asked wanting to know more. Merlin frowned. "I ran into a barred wire fence once when I was seven." Arthur shuddered. That sounded painful. He had again forgotten how Merlin had used to live in countryside.
"I thought you came for the notes…" Merlin said changing the subject and not looking at Arthurs face. He had now changed and he walked to his desk. He didn't sway anymore when he walked, but he didn't look good either. Arthur felt stupid for concentrating on Merlins scar he had apparently missed totally in the past while Merlin was sick and should be in bed.
It didn't take long for Merlin to fish some papers from his desk and hand them to Arthur. He looked at the notes and he saw neat summary of characters and plot of the book and some side notes written with Merlins small handwriting. It was six pages and Arthur was quite sure that it would cover at least half of the whole work. It was really a wonder when Merlin managed to do this all…
"I… wow, well, I'm sure we can get a lot done with these. Do you need anything?" He was at loss of words. Merlin looked at him tiredly, but a bit … pleased? "No. Just go already. Have fun. I'll come next time so…" Arthur nodded. He really didn't want to go… Maybe if he had told Gwen that he would stay with Merlin and just not say anything to Hunith or his father? And then he could have just stayed and what ever, read, on Merlins couch while he slept and get him anything he needed when he was awake? And then somehow hide from their parents until tomorrow and pretend that he had been at Gwens? Arthur sighed. That really wasn't an option or even possible.
He ruffled Merlins hair a bit. "I'll go now, sleep well." He said before leaving the room and closing the door. Arthur had no will to go, but he still made himself move to his car. He knew he could have fun with just Gwen, but… 'pointless, without Merlin it's pointless.' Arthur thought while driving. This must be one of the down sides of having a crush, while everything felt better and more bright and he felt more motivated when Merlin was around, everything felt equally dull when Merlin wasn't around and Arthurs thoughts seemed to stay with him even if he had other friends who he wanted to see. 'Maybe it would be easier if I could at least talk to someone about Merlin…' But he knew that wasn't an option either. He would have to be careful with Gwen around, he didn't want Merlin to know about this and Gwen was way sharper than Arthur with these kind of things.
Merlins night had been awful. Uther had come to 'make sure that Merlin remembered to work hard and behave'. It wasn't that Merlin hadn't waited that to happen, but for start, Uther had been late. Merlin had waited and waited not daring to go to sleep and eventually Uther had come. In a way he hadn't even done anything Merlin hadn't expected. He had made Merlin strip himself and he had made Merlin open Uthers pants and take his thing into his mouth while Uther himself sat on the chair in front of Merlins desk. Maybe it was the way Merlin had to do everything himself. He guessed that it was because of the time he had told Uther he didn't want this. This was Uther way of showing him that what ever Merlin had said, he would do it anyway. That Uther didn't believe or care how Merlin felt.
After Uther was gone, Merlin had thrown up and he had lied a long time under his shower thinking of why he had done what he had done. He feared Uther, but why? Yes, he had the pictures that could destroy Merlins life and yes he hurt Merlin, but when would it stop mattering? He would get hurt either way and right now, Merlin felt so tired that he wasn't sure of how long he could keep his secret himself.
Sure he knew that if the truth got out, his life would turn to a much more miserable and possibly more panful one. He would lose all the people he held dear for sure. What if for example his mother found out? Would she tell Merlin that he deserved this and stand by Uther while he made Merlin do this over and over again? Or would she hate Merlin for betraying her with her husband? Or would she be angry at him for destroying her marriage? It was an endless swamp of questions and in the end Merlin couldn't make himself sleep. He stayed awake and tried to distract himself with reading and studying. He had already written character summary for the book review, but now he took the book out once more and made a summary of the plot too. Chapter by chapter and when he was ready, the sun had already gone up.
Merlin found himself unable to go downstairs. He was wide awake even if he had stayed up for the whole night. His throat felt dry and he was quite hungry, but eating just didn't feel like something he would be able to do anytime soon. He looked at the work he had done. He was a bit pleased with it actually. Most of the stuff he had written they could use and the rest of the information they would need was now stored in Merlins memory. He had read the book now twice after all.
Merlin made his way to his couch. He wasn't exactly sure why, it just made him tired and he really wanted just to lay down and sleep until he couldn't anymore. But he knew that he couldn't right now. Arthur would come and wake him up soon if he didn't move himself.
In the end he didn't move. Only when Arthur asked if he was alright, did Merlin remember that he was supposed to act like normal. He faked a headache hoping that Arthur would leave it at that. He took too much time to change and only left when Arthur called him again. His limbs were cold and his fingers barely moved. He had been sitting in front of his desk with wet hair and only a pyjama to protect him from chilly night air.
To his surprise Arthur had some medicine for him and juice. Merlin didn't really want to take the painkillers because his empty stomach was lurching at the thought of taking in anything, but the juice actually made him feel a bit better. He had been so hungry, but in the state of his self pity, he wanted to feel a bit bad, so the juice was the only thing he took. He didn't eat lunch and he didn't want to see anyone. Gwen followed him everywhere the whole day and Merlin hated it. He hoped that Lance would pop from some corner and take Gwen out of his hands, but no such luck. The only thing that made him a bit happy was that he managed not to snap at Gwen.
After spending a whole day trying to be alone and acting normal while doing it, Merlin really didn't have any energy left. When Uther had not just made him to open his own pants himself in the car, but also open Uthers pants and cares him while they drove home, Merlin was spend. Uther had to go to some work thing and Merlin could barely walk to the living room couch before collapsing on it. He slept, for a while, but not well and he was awakened by his mother too soon. His stomach hurt and he felt like vomiting so that was what he told to his mother. Of course Arthur had to come in and tell Hunith about Merlins lie earlier. This really was not what he needed right now.
After Arthur was gone, Merlin felt a bit guilty for lying to him straight to his face. He had no way he could explain the scar he had, so he had told the story of what had happened to Will. They had been playing on the edge of a forrest and they had gone too close to a farm nearby and Will had tripped… It hadn't been pretty and Merlin remembered vividly running to get help while Will didn't dare to move because he was practically lying over the fence and if he had moved, his hands and face would have gotten cut too. A neighbour had lifted Will up and he had gotten six stitches to his tight. Something that he had been stupidly proud of for a long time. Merlin could just hope that Arthur didn't know what a scar made by barred wire looked like and that he wouldn't check his story from Merlins mother. Why did he have to come to Merlins room right then? Merlin as sure as hell wouldn't change out side of his closet ever again.
After having been left alone, Merlin started to feel better. Well, better was an underestimating, he loved to be alone! Oh, it felt like a party. He could go anywhere in the house and nobody would be there to make him uncomfortable. He strolled around the house for a while and he even got some cookies from their kitchen to eat and after those, his stomach didn't hurt anymore. It was funny how the house he had come to hate didn't feel so bad now that there was no-one in it. It was actually a quite alright house and Merlin found himself touching random details like the end of the railing that let upstairs or small decorations in the frame of their back door.
In the end Merlin found himself from Arthurs room. He felt like he was trespassing and a little guilty being there, but it was just… like an opportunity he couldn't pass. The room smelled like Arthur and that alone made Merlin feel relaxed.
Merlin took some time to just walk around in Arthurs room. He liked it and every nook of the room felt like Arthur. He would have just wanted to touch everything. In the same way that he liked to hug the pillow Arthur had touched (even if he had lost count of which pillow it had actually been a long time ago). This was just much more intense. Finally Merlin sat on Arthurs couch and took one of it's pillows to his lap and read a book. He would have been perfectly happy with himself if he hadn't heard a door open and close downstairs.
Merlin panicked. He dropped the book he had been reading and he stormed to his own room as fast as possible. He dove under his blanket, in his bed, and hoped that it wasn't Uther and that even if it most probably was, he wouldn't come into his room. Being on his bed made Merlin feel horrible. He was so tense that he shook and when he heard the door of his room open, he was sure that he would faint. But he didn't. He closed his eyes and tried to stay as still as possible. He heard the steps coming closer and stop just in front of the bed. 'In, out, one, two…' Merlin made himself breath steadily. He knew he couldn't hold this for long and when he heard footsteps getting away from him, Merlin almost cried in relieve. Almost. He couldn't do that right now.
After that Merlin didn't dare to move. The door was now closed, so Merlin had no way of knowing if Uther had gone or if he was standing right next to Merlins door. Or if that had even been Uther at that matter. Merlin just felt safer asuming the worst.
After lying very very still in his bed for about an hour, Merlin started to drift in the border of sleep and awake. He only rose up when his mother stroked Merlins cheek softly to wake him up. At first Merlin felt it too intimate, but eventually he just accepted that he had missed his mothers touch. He didn't have fever, but he told his mother that he still felt faint. If he had luck, he could stay in bed for at least tomorrow… Merlin hoped that now that he had been home and 'sick', Uther wouldn't need to 'remind' him of anything afterwards.
Hunith had made some broth for Merlin to eat from a mug and she confesse that she had gotten a lift from Susan to a super market and back home. She herself had children and she understood perfectly well that Hunith had wanted to get back home to take care of her son herself. The knowledge that it had been his mother coming back home that he had heard left Merlin relaxed and he sincerely thanked his mother. He realy did love her very much. He wished he could show it better and more often.
Merlin waited for the night to come before he moved his blanket and pillow to his couch. He could finally feel comfortable even if not as much as he had been able to when he had been alone. Arthurs and Merlins rooms were connected by a door in their closets and Merlin imagined that he had courage to go to sleep in Arthurs room. He could slip back in early hours and he wouldn't need to go to the corridor. Merlin imagined he did just that and he fell asleep picturing himself on Arthurs couch. When he woke up in the morning, he felt disappointed to find himself from his own room.
Arthur came home much earlier than he was supposed to. Merlin had been faking of being ill the whole morning and he was currently lying on his couch, reading a book and feeling like he could get used to this when Arthur knocked his door and let himself in, like always. Merlin automatically turned to his side and hid the book under his blanket.
"Hey, how are you feeling? Would you come and have some lunch with us?" Arthur clearly had instructions from Merlins mother so Merlin frowned at his pillow not looking at him. "No. I'll have some more of the broth mother made me yesterday…" Arthur sat on the edge of Merlins couch. Merlin was very clad that he was facing the another direction for his eyes widened and he felt his cheeks go red. He felt Arthur against his bend knees trough his blanket. "You need anything else? I can bring it to you…."
Merlin just wanted Arthur to get closer to him and stroke his hair and hug him until he fell asleep, but well…. not a change. "Could you get me a class of water?" he asked hoping that Arthur hadn't been just teasing him. He found it hard to tell peoples moods if he couldn't see their faces.
Arthur bought him a glass of water feeling that he could do much more than that. But really, there was not much that he could do if Merlin didn't ask. "You can come and get me if you need anything…" Arthur told Merlin mostly because he wanted to keep talking to him. Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur and he actually smiled a little. "You know that I have a mother for that, right?" Arthur had to blush and he would have felt panic if Merlins tone wasn't so light. And seeing Merlin smile… It just lifted most of Arthurs uneasiness.
Somehow Arthur managed to move the topic to what they had done with Gwen. "Elyan was also at home so I had to try and manage with the two of them… I was saved by your notes, they kept Gwen occupied and Elyan out of the room. You know how much he hates english?" Merlin had actually good time listening to Arthur and when he left for the lunch, Merlin felt better. Really better. In an unlogical way Merlin felt a bit jealous that he hadn't been there, but even now, he didn't have any energy and even imagining of going to Gwens was too much, he really felt too tired and depressed for that. And Uther… Merlin just wished so much that he would let him be tonight…
Uther didn't come that night nor the next and Merlin felt he had made the right decision. But as soon as monday, Gwen and Arthur started to plan another sleepover to finnish the project and Merlin knew he couldn't pull a new fake sickness. "Your notes were awesome! We didn't even need the book for the whole night and now we just have the summary and our own opinions to write. I found some good pictures yesterday and I have it all on my laptop." Gwen told Merlin the first change she got. Elyan had managed to give the laptop to Gwen alongside with a pretty case for it. Gwen had been over the moon and she had not cared at all that it was nearly three months late.
After that Merlin had been able to tell Gwen how Elyan had worked trough summer for the present. Gwen hadn't told that to Elyan, but she appreciated the effort and Elyan had commented to Merlin how every hour of washing dishes had been worth it if a laptop had made his sister so nice and forgiving. Merlin had not corrected him that Gwen actually felt loved by her brother and that put her mind at ease.
The autumn had rolled on while Merlin hadn't paid any attention and it was getting chilly outside and the only tree in their garden had dropped its leaves. Not eating was once again suiting Merlin better than eating and Merlins sense of hunger was more and more irregular. At times he woke up in the small hours because he was so hungry, but after being found by Uther once trying to get something from the fridge, Merlin didn't dare to try it again. Uther hadn't been pleased with him to say the least and had dragged Merlin back to his room. The next day Merlin had trouble sitting and he had to concentrate on walking so he wouldn't limp. His 'respect for mealtimes' had only gone down the drain after that and once nobody had been at home, Merlin had snug some cookies and jam into his room. The combination of chocolate and strawberry jam was not the most sophisticated, but the sense of rebellion and possibly the much needed calories and sugar made it taste awesome at four o'clock in the morning.
Even if he couldn't go to fridge when he was hungry or when he had thrown up, food was still one of the rare things Merlin actually felt he could control in his life even if just a little. He often found himself lying about what, when and how much he had eaten. It was addictive in a way. He knew that the more he lied, the more he risked himself getting caught, but some days he just couldn't make himself eat when it was the time and some others he needed snacks and preferably chocolate just to get trough the day. He had loaned some cash from Arthur just to practically empty one wending machine of candy bars during a week.
The weekend came too quickly for Merlin. He and Arthur were supposed to go to Gwens home to finnish the project. Uther had just asked for blow jobs, apart from the fridge episode, and Merlin was sure that he wouldn't get away with that when thursday night got nearer. Because of that, he was cranky the whole day and after dinner where his mother had told them how she would again have an internship for the spring that would take her to night sifts, he was a bubble of nerves. He knew he hadn't managed to sound even a bit happy for his mother who was enthusiastic of getting to see how the work was in fist aid. He knew that he would hear about that too when the night came.
Arthur had come to check from him that he wasn't sick again and Merlin had felt a strong need to hug him and ask for help. If he could just cling himself to Arthurs side, maybe Uther wouldn't hurt him? "… and if you happen to know what I'm thinking of the book, you'll have me notes right?" Arthur was currently sitting on Merlins couch looking carefree and happy while Merlin felt like Arthur was a magnet and he himself had to stay out of its range or he wouldn't be able to control himself anymore. If he went too close, he would surely brake down. The feeling of fear surrounded him from every direction and he desperately needed someone to distract him from it if even for a moment "Right… So because you were not arsed to read the book, you actually think that I can dig an opinion from your brain… Impossible, I can't make something out of nothing." He replied hoping that Arthur would raise to the bait. Being sarcastic was his defensive mechanism and it eased the tension he constantly felt a little even now.
"For your information, I have read the book. It was just as impossible to understand as you." Arthur shot back and made a face. Merlin had really wanted to argue and to bicker or even fight with Arthur, but he couldn't help but laugh. It was just so Arthur and so… stupid. Like in Merlins life it would be an insult to be impossible to understand. Arthur clearly didn't see what was so funny and they ended up bickering lightly, but Merlin was smiling a bit for the whole time.
When Arthur left to sleep, Merlin felt surprisingly good. The night was however closing onto him and Merlin knew what was waiting for him in the night. He wished that this night would be already over and that the next one would never come.
Uther came quite early this time and he wasn't even that rough. Was it the school work Arthur had been telling was going great or maybe his 'sickness' had somehow made Uther understand that Merlin wasn't desperate of going to see Gwen? Merlin had tried to guess Uthers motives so many times and have not still made any sort of sense in them. Uther had licked from behind his ear lobe and twisted Merlins nipples until it hurt. After final words to Merlin of how he was expected to keep all his dirtiness inside of him while he was out of the house, Uther had bit his earlobe and Merlin had felt an urge to pull his head away from Uther even if the risk would be of loosing part of his ear. He still held on and just pressed his lips together to form a thin line. Merlins nipples were red and tender to touch even after he had slept quite alright and even if his ear didn't look like anything special, he felt like there was a neon sigh stating what had been whispered to it.
Gwen was happy to see Merlin and Merlin managed to act cheerful (on his current standards) and he didn't even feel that tired. He could breath more freely in this house that felt more welcoming and homy than his own 'home'. Merlin hadn't done any notes this time, but he remembered mostly everything they needed and the work was done quite quickly. Gwen had beamed when she had the first ever home assignment on a memory stick that she had done with her computer. They would print it at school on monday and hand it to the teacher a whole week before the dead line.
The only thing stressing Merlin was of course Arthur. He was again too close. It was nothing more than what Merlin had by now gotten used to at home while they were studying, but he felt that Gwens gaze was reading his every move and he feared that Gwen would figure out how much Arthur sitting next to him actually affected him. To his relief Elyan had bought some new games and when he asked Arthur to come and try them, he had looked excited and stood up to leave the room without a pause. "Merlin, would you like to try too?" Elyan had asked Merlin most probably to be polite than anything else. Console games were another thing that all boys seemed to be crazy about and Merlin just wasn't. "No thank you. If I want to drive an imaginative car in dangerous speed, I'll let you know." He said unimpressed. Arthur looked a bit disappointed for some reason. Maybe he had wanted to see Merlin lose miserably to him? Probably yes…
Gwen on the other hand was happy to get Merlin all to herself. They had nice, quiet and carefree time with nothing real to do. They just talked and talked and Merlin felt calmer than in ages. Maybe it would be worth Uther taking him before and after if he could spend more time like this? He would take Merlin anyway, so what about it even if it was a bit more rough? At least Merlin would know what was coming and when…
The night came too soon and he and Gwen stayed up far too late. Arthur was sleeping in Elyans room because Elyan had been too tired to come to the 'girls room' and Arthur hadn't been able to make any excuse that would allow him to sleep next to Merlin without being rude to Elyan or just down right suspicious. While Merlin felt a bit disappointed, it was also relaxing to have just Gwen in the same room and even she was at different level her being on her bed and Merlin on the floor so not exactly next to him.
It was actually more comfortable to sleep on a mattress than on his couch. His limbs had room and the mattress didn't lean to the side or the other. The only thing wrong was that he didn't have an extra couch pillow to hug, but when he complained about that to Gwen, who found it amusing that Merlin liked to hug a pillow while sleeping, she gave Merlin her extra pillow. "I don't use it anyway. It's mostly on the way." she told him and Merlin snugled to the given pillow fondly. It was better hugging material than his couch pillow and it smelled nice. The same scent Gwen always had.
"It smells nice... like you." He confessed. He was very honest in his sleepy and relaxed state of mind. "...Uh, ok..." Gwen sounded a bit weirded out in a comical way causing Merlin to chuckle and open his eyes again. He wasn't worried, he knew that Gwen knew that he wasn't trying to hit on her, she was just joking. "I thought this before, what kind of shampoo do you use?" he asked smiling even if Gwen didn't propably see it with lights already turned off. "Oh! I like this lavender scented one... I always buy it." Merlin made a sound that indicated that he had remebered something. "So that's why... My mother used to grow lavender in her garden. It smells like home..." He explained sleepily.
He didn't see it for he had already closed his eyes again, but Gwen smiled brightly at him. She was so happy to hear this kind of personal information from her best friend. It was rare but every time he did so, Gwen felt that Merlin trusted her. There were times when Merlin obviously lied and didn't tell everything, but when he told Gwen stuff like this so naturaly, Gwen could put those other times behind her.
"Good night Merlin." She said with a gentle tone. Merlin replied to her in kind his voice slightly muffled by Gwens pillow.
Merlin fell asleep exhausted in a very different way that he usually was.
A/N Hello! I hope you enjoyed this chapter even it didn't really get us anywhere. Actually, this chapter alonside with chapters from the start of the summer till the next Christmas (in ch. 15) were added after I had already finnished writing the storyline... Mainly because I had a major problem with the timeline. I realised very late that I had skipped almost half a year, Gwens birthday was first in winter and then in summer and Arthur had a car when he was 14... So, I obviously rearranged some and added a lot in the middle. I hope the result is not too much filler, but I promise that the story will start movining forward after this and we will quite soon see some more characters from the TV show :)
Also the summer is upon us (I only have two more deadlines to catch...) and if you would like me to update more often, I can try to update every 3rd day... Just tell me what you think :)
For reviewers, you are the best part of writing anything, I wish I could have you for my school esseys too. Maybe then I would meet my deadlines with those too...
mersan123 You are so very right, teenagers are more informed than ever before and well, my hope with this story is to raise more awareness to child abuse if only just a little bit. About the future of Merlin... for more than few times I have stopped in a middle of a scene and asked myself, 'is everything alright with me?'. Seriously, what is wrong with me if I write things like this? And I can tell you that Uther is indeed getting more violent... But bear with me, I promise a happy ending, it was hard enough to write this story and there is no way I wouldn't get all the help and love he deserves in the end. Thankyou again for a great review, I'm looking forward of hearing what you think in the future!
MillaMaxwell12 I hope you enjoyed the scene where Merlin talked with Elyan :) Thank you for your review, I wish I could answer more, but I don't want to give anything away... but there will be more stupid things he will do in the future... you will know immediately what I'm talking about when we get there, please comment again then, I would very much like to hear your opinion :)
Angel Dove1 Merlin and Arthur are cute together aren't they? I loved how they interacted in the show and I really loved them in the unicorn episode (that was the first episode I actually saw), they were so cute in the whole poison picknic set up :D I also love Servant with two masters, I always laugh so hard... There are just some classics in there, like 'Is Arthur bothering you again? Not for long!' or 'Tastes like the bog Arthur found me in'. Uther is horrible. In the show he also shunned those who were different and without hearing them out he punnished them by death. When Arthur or Morgana didn't do as they were told to, Uther threw them to dungeons and even nearly punished Arthur with a death of his friend and a servant (in the poisoned chalice). That's why he was so easy to turn to this role I have given him. This time around, I promise he will not get away with this unpunished. Thank you for the review, you are awesome!
Guest You seem to like Morgana, I promise you she will be there :) I have to say that I love the idea of her being a doctor, but well, I can't wait to hear your opinion when she shows in the story! Thank you for your review!