The Christmas was nearing, but unlike last year, Merlin couldn't feel the holiday spirit yet. Decorations and the general fuss just annoyed him and he felt like it was all too early and too loud and too predictable. He tried not to comment and smile regularly, but it took Merlin until he and Arthur went out for some Christmas shopping to actually even get that the Christmas was really coming.
The last weeks of the year were crazy, like always for Arthur and dull and duller for Merlin. He had done everything weeks before he really had to. The general panic over deadlines and exams was constantly present everywhere he turned, it just had nothing to do with him. How was it surprise again that the exams would come? Or the dead lines that they were told about months ago at best? Only thing worth mentioning was that some class mates of Merlin had actually asked him to loan his notes or teach them a couple of times. Merlin was quite sure he hadn't talked with either of them for moths and he was a bit surprised that they even knew that he was ahead of the schedule. Mostly he agreed to teach before the classes started and he could loan his notes for the day, but he couldn't stay after school and he always made sure that he got his notes back before the day ended. He never knew when Arthur would need them and he was Merlins priority.
The mall Arthur took Merlin the last weekend before the school ended, was filled with Christmas decorations and lights and suddenly Merlin remembered how much he actually enjoyed Christmas. The fuss, the colours, the songs, the family time, presents, ornaments and everything else. He and Arthur strolled around in the masses of people who were trying to get the last minute shopping done and Merlin found himself not even feeling anxious in the crowd. He light heartedly complained to Arthur how the Christmas fuss was starting earlier and earlier every year "but I'm quite sure that these carols will ring in my head for the next decade, so what's the difference?" Arthur had laughed at him a bit but asked then "Didn't you like Christmas?" Merlin was a bit surprised that Arthur remembered, but he covered that up quickly. "Christmas and this are two different things." He said waving his hand to a direction of a Santa costumed person who was wishing people 'Merry shoppings'. Arthur looked at the sight with distaste and he admitted that he had to agree with Merlin for once. Merlin just grinned at him. It was good to spend some time with Arthur.
They went from store to store and they gradually found something for everyone they had planned. Merlin found a cook book with really delicious looking pictures of pastries for Gwen and some baking stuff from a store that had specialised on fancy kitchen supplies. He had asked an employe to recommend him something and he was happy with the result. His mother he had found a nice scarf and a historical novel he knew she would enjoy. He and Arthur would buy Elyan a new football together and Arthur had an idea of something he would buy for Uther and Merlin would sign the card just for not to be rude.
For Will Merlin found new ice skates that the shop could send to the nearest post office. They were a bit expensive, but Merlin put along a note telling Will in their usual sarcastic manner not to expect anything from him ever again. Arthur had looked at the procedure of filling postal information and calling Will mother to spy her sons shoe size with wonder. He knew that Merlin spend a lot of time in phone with his childhood friend, but this was the first time that Merlin had actually mentioned him further to Arthur than just answering his question of 'who he had been talking to' and 'who Will?'
After Arthur had bought cloves made of leather for Uther, they headed to eat. Arthur chose them some Chinese place and Merlin didn't have any complains. Arthur ordered some beef and onions while Merlin chose tofu and vegetables. Merlin had been a vegetarian for almost two moths now and he was still happy with his choice. It was much easier to eat food without meat. It tasted fresher and it was softer for his long suffering stomach and it was different what the rest of the people ate. Most of all he could control something and that meant so much for Merlin. He had actually calmed down a lot after he had started to feel that he was in charge of at least something in his life and he didn't fight with his mother anymore. Even at school he had been more energetic. Now almost everyone were used to the fact that Merlin was vegetarian. Vivian especially had approved even thought she also ate fish. ("I need my omegas for health and beauty!")
"I still don't understand how can you prefer to eat those white slimy cubes over meat…" And here was the almost, Arthur. He just couldn't see Merlins sudden unwillingness to eat meat as anything else that Merlin being weird again. "I wouldn't expect you to understand…" Merlin replied dryly. He had gone over and over his reasons (or Vivians and some others he had found with a brief search online during one class they went to study to library) to Arthur, but he avoided explaining as much as possible. He wasn't that environmental, he didn't pity all those poor animals, nor did he chose it for health reasons. He knew what he could tell to people to get them of his case, but with someone as stubborn as Arthur… well, he was happy that Arthur had no choice over the matter.
"You will just wither away without meat. Look at you, you are practically all bones!" Arthur still didn't like how Merlin had again become a bit thinner and he had kept watch of Merlins eating all the time. He didn't like this change even thought Merlin seemed to eat more than before he started avoiding meat.
Merlin sighed. "I won't. I still eat milk and eggs. And tofu is a good source of protein." Merlin had told him this before too. Arthur didn't want to argue with Merlin today, so he rose his hands up in defeat and ended the conversation with "Whatever you say… ". Merlin grumbled something inaudible, but he knew that Arthur had once again given up. That was a relief.
Eating out sure was nice. During the year, Merlin had learned not to think or hope that these trips to outside world with Arthur as dates and even now that they were sitting in a restaurant just the two of them, Merlin didn't feel like he was on the verge of blurting out something inappropriate or slipping to depression. He just had fun and good time with Arthur with no stress of Uther thinking that he was having too good time with his son.
Merlin had found a gift for everyone he had wanted to and he felt satisfied with that, but for Arthur… For Arthur Merlin had wanted to get something special. But how could he without it being embarrassing, suspicious or just a plain suicide? In the end he had decided that it was too risky and too stressful, he couldn't let Uther even suspect his feelings for Arthur. He could have of course bought something ordinary, but that didn't feel the same and besides, what ordinary could he possibly buy that Arthur didn't have already or couldn't get himself?
"You don't mind if I don't buy you a present, right?" Merlin asked from Arthur when he asked Merlin if he still had someone he wanted to buy a present. Arthur was taken aback by this. He would have wanted a present from Merlin. What ever he would have gotten from him, it would have been the best part of Arthurs Christmas and he knew it. In fact, Arthur had often thought last weeks of what Merlin would get him and he had been ridiculously happy just with the thought. He would have been happy with anything really. Now he had to conceal his disappointment and fast. "Sure… I don't have to get you anything then either?" he said hoping that his voice sounded steady and not as shaky as he felt.
"Of course you do. I have been giving my notes to you for free after all…" Merlin replied smoothly. It would kind of take some more stress from Merlin if he didn't have to try not to show how much getting a gift from Arthur meant to him, but he trusted that Arthur wouldn't take his comment seriously. Getting a gift from Arthur didn't feel fair. Merlin knew that what ever Arthur would give to him ever, would carry much more meaning to Merlin than Arthur had intended and that just wasn't right. The thought filled Merlin with shame and he thought about it every time he used the pen Arthur had given him last year.
"I guess you have a point…" Arthur replied slowly. Merlin snapped out of his thoughts immediately and he looked at Arthur wide eyed. He had been so sure… "Wha- oh, no you really don't have to. I was just kidding…" He tried, but how hard was it to sound serious when the only thing Merlin could concentrate was a warm feeling spreading in his chest. Arthur had just practically confessed that he valued Merlins notes… and maybe he would get a Christmas present after all…
'Stop it Merlin, you are reading way too much into this!' He told himself and concentrated on Arthurs reaction. He was looking at Merlin surprisingly serious and he shook his head. "If you say so…" Merlin sighed with relief at the same time he felt disappointment eat the warm feeling. This was just great. He himself had told Arthur that he didn't need anything and now he was disappointed? 'Way to go Merlin, way to go…' Suddenly it wasn't that easy to sit here with just Arthur and Merlin was happy when Arthur paid for them and suggested that they should go and just look around a bit more because they still had some time.
Arthur felt quite bad. It seemed that Merlin didn't want anything from him and it hurt. He had been spending even more time to decide of what to get for Merlin than wondering what Merlin would get for him. Of course Merlins birthday was nearing and there was no need for Merlin to tell him not to get him anything then, so Arthur could just give the present he had already bought and wrapped at New year. Oh who was he kidding? Not himself at least. He was disappointed and if Merlin wouldn't be happy with his present at his birthday, Arthur would be incredibly sad.
"Hey! Can we go there?" Merlin interrupted Arthurs thoughts. Arthur followed Merlins trail of vision and saw an antiquarian. So more books, yay… They had already visited a bookstore today and Arthur would have wanted to do something else, but he wouldn't say no to Merlin, so in they went. Merlin seemed to be searching for something and soon Arthur became curious "Are you searching for something?" "Kind of… Ha!" Merlin seemed to find what he had been searching for.
Arthur leaned in and Merlin was currently flipping quite a large and heavy book in his hands so he didn't seem to notice how close Arthur was. Ok, that might have made Arthurs mood rise and when Merlin just continued standing there, his face turned towards a tall book shelf, Arthur took the change and edged a bit closer than necessary. He could smell Merlins shampoo. He looked at the book on Merlins hands. 'The complete Sherlock Holmes' Arthurs forehead wrinkled in thought. "I thought you had that book…" Now that he looked at it, he recognised the cover.
Merlin turned his head surprised to see Arthur that close. 'Shouldn't have said anything…' Arthur thought until he saw Merlin blush a little and turn back to the book. "I have… It's just that I loaned it to Vivian and I think she would like to have one so um…" Arthur blinked at Merlins uneasy voice and the blushing… Seeing Merlin blush made his heart beat faster, but now that Vivian was mentioned… Merlin couldn't like her, right? Arthur felt a strangling feeling.
"To Vivian? You are buying a present for Vivian?" So Merlin was buying a present for Vivian but not for him? That felt bad. Merlin glanced Arthur looking a bit amused. Arthur guessed that his emotions had gone straight to his voice. "I kind of thought it just now when I saw this store. She is lonely you know? And me and Gwen have a theory that she's in love with Sherlock Holmes and I would like my own book back." Arthur relaxed a bit at Merlins amused tone and his non-crush filled expression. He also noted that even after Merlin had noticed how close Arthur was standing, he hadn't moved away. That was nice…
"This one is actually in better condition than mine so I think I'l buy it… " Merlin mused out loud. "Oh! I should ask Gwen if she wants to participate." Merlin said with a grin and he took his phone out, but still not moving away from Arthur. Soon Arthur was hearing one side of a conversation where Merlin said in a very straight forward manner that he had bought a gift for Vivian to shock Gwen and Arthur couldn't help but laugh at the scene. He could hear faintly Gwens shocked '...What?!' trough the phone from where he was standing. He wished he would have seen Gwens expression. They bought the book and Merlin was again his happy self. Arthur still felt a bit hurt, but how could he be unhappy when Merlin was smiling at him like that.
The moment Merlin saw Vivian at school on monday, he asked her to return his book as soon as possible. Vivian had been seemingly cross with him for that, but Merlin hadn't given up. In the end Vivian dropped his copy of 'The complete Sherlock Holmes' on Merlins desk on friday before flicking her hair looking offended and going to sit as far away from Merlin as possible. Merlin couldn't help but snort at Gwen who sat next to him. They exchanged a look of conspiracy. Vivian was so not waiting for this…
After the class was over Vivian stormed out of the class room and Merlin wasn't laughing anymore. Nor was Gwen. It was apparent that Vivian was angry at Merlin even if she had no reason to be. The book was Merlins and he had loaned it to Vivian three weeks ago! Alright she had been complaining how she didn't have enough time to read it with all the test and stuff, but still… Merlin sighed. Vivian was in a way a friend, well, in a more entertain value than someone Merlin held dear. But who said that being entertaining couldn't count as a friend?
At lunch Merlin finally managed to sneak close enough to Vivian that she didn't have a change to pretend that he was air. "Vivian, wait." He said when Vivian tried to leave her table. She huffed, but sat down again any way. Gwen sat next to Vivian and smiled at her brightly confusing the said girl. Merlin really wasn't that sure if Vivian had other friends besides him and Gwen. "Here, Merry Christmas." Merlin said and took a neatly wrapped (Gwen had wrapped it) gift from his bag. Vivian looked at it first confused, then unimpressed, but took it anyway. Merlin tried not to look amused as he and Gwen waited.
Vivian opened the paper and as soon as the first corner of the book was visible, her expression changed completely. Merlin was sure that he had never seen Vivian look so sincerely happy. She was pretty like this. Merlin was about to say something to her when Vivian let out a high pitched squeal and she jumped up and practically with the same leap to Merlins neck. Merlin totally froze and while Vivians quite tiny female body didn't feel that alarming against him, the strength she seemed to posses at the moment felt a bit frightening and Merlin was painfully aware of the stares they were getting.
"Christ! Vivian, get off of me! Hug Gwen! It was her idea!" He said trying to push Vivian of without touching anywhere near her chest and actually not touch her with his hands at all. This resulted some very awkward looking elbowing. Luckily Vivian turned to look at Gwen and she let go of Merlin just to flung herself to Gwen. Merlin let out a relieved breath and he sat down behind Gwen so she could act as a protecting wall between him and Vivian. He didn't look around, but he could still feel peoples stares on his skin. Gwen gave him a look from the middle of Vivians curls that clearly said 'My idea, eh?'
After Vivian had calmed down enough to let go of Gwen, she opened rest of the wrapping and opened the front page. 'To Vivian, Merry Christmas, M & G' Vivians expression was all glee and she almost jumped up and down on her chair. "I'm sure that you can think of someone whose name starts with 'M' if your father asks…" Merlin commented and Vivian seemed to appreciate that they had thought of that.
They spend rest of the lunch comparing some of the stories and when Arthur joined them (that was quite unusual if Vivian was present), she wanted to show him every detail of the book and tell him everything she thought about it. Merlin had been a bit nervous if Vivian would have wanted a newer edition, but she seemed to like the old feeling the best.
When Merlin rose first to take his tray and buy some chocolate before next class, Vivian opened her book and flipped some pages. "Oh, isn't he dreamy…" she sighed and Arthur and Gwen immediately stopped talking and looked at her slightly alarmed. "Um, who is?" Gwen managed to ask. Vivian gave her a look that could have been very rude, but it was evident that she was doing her best to be polite to Gwen now. "Sherlock Holmes, obviously." she said and turned back to her book. Arthur and Gwen looked at each others and bursted into a mighty laugh. When Merlin got back to ask what was so funny, they just shook their heads unable to answer anything coherent.
"What name do you want?" Vivian said to Merlin as soon as Merlin was seated. He turned to look at her confused. "I got my book from Gwen and… " she continued. 'This must be Vivians way of saying thank you', Merlin thought. "Just pick anything." He said and Vivian looked like she was thinking. That couldn't be good.
"Or maybe I could just tell it's from you… Maybe if it's you I could make my father see that you are harmless." Vivian said after a while. Merlin was currently eating his chocolate. "Mostly harmless." He replied without much thought. Vivian looked at him confused so Merlin had to guide her thoughts. "Like Earth…" it took a moment and then… "Oh! Yes you are!" and Vivian laughed. It was funny sound and a very rare one. Merlin grinned at her while Arthur just looked at them amazed.
When Arthur was sitting next to Merlin in their next class, he had to ask "What have you done to Vivian? She seemed like a human being who could take others into consideration." Merlin just smiled at him making Arthur happy "I had something she wanted from me." Arthur gave him an odd look and Merlin continued grinning "The complete Sherlock Holmes. Lets see how she turns out next year now that my advantage is gone." Arthur laughed at that and the rest of the day flew. He had seen Merlins reaction when Vivian had hugged him and he could relax again.
The end of the school was happy time for Arthur. His report card had tuned out better than he had dared to dream at the start of the year. He knew that it was much thanks to Merlin. He had lent him notes, he had made him do all the croup work and projects in time so he had been able to concentrate on the tests at the end of the year and he had been the source of his motivation for the whole semester.
And now Arthur could get to spend more time with him. No football, no school and he couldn't even practice in the garden much because the weather was horrible mix of snowing and raining in turns. So, basically he was stuck inside and Merlin was too. If Arthur didn't take them out somewhere with his car. It was pure glee on Arthurs part and while Merlin didn't seem to share his enthusiasm, he didn't seem much different from how he had been in school and Arthur was taking that as an improvement.
Merlin felt surprisingly ok. Uther had again left him relatively alone for the end of the school year and Merlin was quite well rested. He had been happy to give his gifts to Gwen, Vivian and Elyan and even if Gwen had made him to deliver her gift to Lance in secret and Arthur had laughed at him for that, the end of the year had been fun. Merlin had even been able to steal some more bandages from Lances office when he had gone to drop the present and Lance hadn't been in the gym. It felt bad to admit to himself that he really would need the bandages in the future, but he knew what would await him when his mother would spend nights away in spring again. But for now, the Christmas was coming and he would try and enjoy it as much as possible.
Lance was spend. It was the last week of school before the vacations and he was expected to be at least in two places all the time. Teaching sure wasn't easy. Sure he had coached basketball team and junior football since he had been fifteen, but this was not the same. He had to give out grades for almost one hundred and sixty students, do tons of paper work, clean up the storage room, do inventory and worst of all, keep a school full of teenage boys who were ready to fly to their vacations at bay.
Only then he would get to the vacation himself. That was the theory anyway. If last year had taught him anything, it was that some very pissed off parents would send him an e-mail after e-mail of why their 'very talented' boy hadn't gotten a better grade... Last spring he had goten 24 of them...
His last class had already ended and he had now a blessed half an hour before the last football session of the year and while he had a ton of stuff to do, Lance decided to just drag himself to his office and stare a wall until he had to move again.
In his office though there was something he had not been waiting for. A neatly wrapped Christmas present sat on his table. It had stylish wrapping paper and a red bow with a small card attached. Lance knew who he wished it was from, but could he really let himself wish that? Or actually, should he let himself wish for it? Was that wrong? But really, wishes or not, when he turned the card around, it was indeed from Gwen.
Despite of what was right or wrong, Lance smiled. It was very hard not to. He felt warm inside… some of the stress he had just evaporated right then.
Lance sat down and carefully opened the present the time limit he had completely forgotten. It was hand made mittens made of soft, but strong wool. Lance loved them. He tried them on and he could feel how warm they were and how much trouble it had been to make those. God this was hard, Lance wanted Gwen so much and when they talked, it was obvious that they shared the mutual interest and they both knew it. Or maybe Lance knew it better than Gwen? He was older after all with more experiance.
Lance leaned his elbows to the table and let his face rest on his still mitten covered hands. This was so wrong. He knew that and he should have stayed firm on staying away from Gwen after she had told him that she was only sixteen. He was a teacher for crying out loud and even if he wasn't, she was still underaged and Lance had the responsibility. Of her and her well being. He hadn't needed Merlin to tell him that what he was doing or feeling was wrong, but he was clad that he had. If not for him telling Lance what he had already known, maybe he would have slipped already. Now he had a very clear reminder in a form of a ever present Merlin watching him like a hawk, that he couldn't get away with this if he as much as took one small step closer to Gwen that he already was. That was why he only talked to her while they both had a lunch break and why he hadn't told Elyan to ask her to help around with the practices (God knew he could use some help here during the practices and he knew that Gwen waited in the library anyway) and why he hadn't even thought of getting a Christmas present for Gwen.
And he was twenty-two for crying out loud! What was wrong with him if he really was having a serious crush for a teenager?! And more than half a year now… It was just that he had felt it immediately. That Gwen was beautiful and it had only taken few minutes talking with her to see that it was not only on the outside. Lance had dated some of course, but it had always been awkward and mostly his relationships had ended for the lack of understanding the other. With Gwen he felt like they were in tune. He understood her and he felt that he could tell her anything without feeling that he had to pretend or proof something to her. He felt he could make the right decisions after just talking with her for a while for after that he always felt calmer and surer. Why did she has to be sixteen again?
Lance looked at the mittens he was still wearing. They fit perfectly. Lance remembered one day weeks ago when Gwen had pressed her palm agains his to see how much bigger Lances hands were compared to hers. 'So that's why she did that…' Lance smiled a little. He was quite sure that it was pathetic how good of a memory that was for him. It was not like he was sixteen year old virgin himself.
Lance let out a frustrated breath. It was just that it was so hard to keep remembering that the girl of his dreams was out of his reach. She was so beautiful and gentle and strong in her own way and she always stood her ground. It didn't feel at all like he was the older and a teacher with authority over her. Actually he felt that she never tried to impress or butter him up like some girls that had gone out with him. And that was just right. She was perfect.
Last week Lance had arrived to the school a bit later than he usually did and he had seen Gwen in the parking lot. It had been snowing and Gwen had smiled at him when their gazes had met. She had been wearing that knitted dress Lance liked very much and she had white roses in her hair. She had looked like the Christmas wish come true. Lance had felt his mouth dry and he had wanted nothing more than to close the distance between them and just kiss Gwen, bury his hands in her soft curls and cares her neck and cheeks and tell her how much he loved her while pressing her body against his.
The moment had been broken by Arthurs voice yelling at Elyan 'hi' and when Lance had teared his eyes off of Gwen, he had seen Merlin climbing out of Arthurs car. Merlin had found him with his gaze soon after and the very familiar face he made mostly every time he saw Lance with Gwen nearby, locking his eyes on Lance like he could tell just by looking long enough what Lance was thinking. And Lance had felt that any second now Merlin would storm in between him and Gwen telling Gwen to stay away from Lance for he was dangerous.
Lance had cleared his throat and told them all equally good morning before walking straight to the gym not looking at anyones eyes on his way.
The next monday the snow had melted and Lance had seen Gwen and she had looked excited over something and Lance saw that she did indeed look like the same age than the rest of her class mates. Lance had avoided Gwen for two days after that, but after just a ten minutes long conversation they had shared during a lunch, Lance was left where he had started. He loved Gwen and he could do nothing about it. Maybe he could wait for when Gwen was old enough and preferably studying somewhere where Lance was not working, but he knew that there was no way of guaranteeing that Gwen wouldn't get a boyfriend way before that. But that was just something Lance would have to survive. He himself was sure that there was no way he would ever find someone so perfect even if he searched his whole life.
The door of the gym opened and Lance could hear the noise the football team was making. It was time to gather the last of his enthusiasm for the sport and make the most of it. He couldn't let the team see this sad side of him that he was not proud of.
The last practice was more of Arthurs way of saying 'go home for the vacations remembering that we are the best' than anything else. It was inspiring to watch. Lance was so very proud of being a part of this. Arthur really was something. He was a true born leader and while he was the best player they got, his talents were definitely elsewhere. While Lance had more experience and he was good at teaching and he had made huge progress with Arthur, well, to be honest it was not very hard to make progress with someone like Arthur. He picked everything up very quickly and he used every advice Lance could give and made the best of them even bettering and developing them making huge results.
Even if all of the boys in the team were good and talented, Arthur had inspired them to work hard and do their very best every time. And the team knew that. The only one who didn't seem to know that was Arthur himself. He never bragged and he always seemed to think that the one who should work even more, was himself. Sometimes Lance wondered if Arthur ever rested at all. But he was always on top of the game and he just had this shine in his eyes telling Lance that he was loving every sweaty second of it, so Lance could just get sucked in and be as excited as the rest of them. Like Elyan who many teachers had commented in the teachers lounge had been a wild card and a handful or Lee who was known to be lazy and not be bothered much with anything unless one threatened to call his mother.
And still, while working hard, the team always seemed to have fun and they got each others covered. In this kind of intensive training there was always a risk that someone would get left outside or get too serious or lazy and bullied, but not on Arthurs watch. It really had nothing to do with the fact that Lance was there and he was a teacher and was supposed to hold authority. It really was just Arthur. Lance was sure that soon he wouldn't be needed here for much else than for his keys.
Working with Arthur had truly been a pleasure. And with the winnings they had, Lances job was secured. He had no decree after all and in the beginning he had been supposed to stay just until they found someone more suitable, but with the results, the principal had practically taken Lance aside and told him that there was really no hurry to hire anyone else and that there was some extra money so if Lance would like to stay longer he could get a bit better salary…
Lance hadn't minded at all, but the fact was that he would have stayed as long as possible anyway. He loved his job and especially the football.
After the practice ended he and Arthur sat down and talked and talked about how the year had gone and what they could do next year getting distracted once in a while to share their Christmas plans and such. Arthur really was a friend and Lance hoped that they could stay in touch even after they didn't see each others in school anymore.
Arthur had left after his father had called him to know where he was. Most of the human beings Lance knew would have crumbled under the workload and strict rules that Arthur had, but Arthur didn't seem to mind at all. He had just told his father that he was having a meeting with Lance and that he would be home soon ending the phone call with a grin on his face. He had looked like he did during the practises, very content with his life. Maybe this kind of life suited him?
But it didn't suit Merlin. That much Lance was sure of. He had been seriously alarmed at Merlins behaviour more than once. Something just didn't seem right to him. But for the half a year Lance had kept an eye for Merlin (as much as he could with keeping tabs on every other of his pupils), he still had nothing to call home to. He had watched Merlin, he had talked with other teachers who mostly fought that Merlin was a smart boy but lacked respect and had this lazy attitude towards school. Some teachers thought that Merlin was just that talented that he got bored with the pace they were going in class, he had even asked for extra material and book recommendations for them after all. Knowing that Lance had ruled out that performing poorly in PE time to time as something to be worried about.
The next thing Lance was concerned was Merlins weight. Of course some teenage boys were very thin but Lance had seen many kids on age of Merlin and somehow there was just something different. Lance had no idea what. While he had gotten worried when Arthur had asked him about the anorexia, Lance had ruled that out too pretty fast. He had known an anorectic boy and that was something Lance would never forget. There just was not the same kind of feel in Merlin. Of course Lance had gone trough every possibility for eating disorders after that from bulimia to orthorexia, but after paying extra attention on Merlins eating and even using some opportunities of asking Gwen about Merlins eating, he had been convinced that was not the case either.
Gwen had basically laughed at him when he had asked if Merlin always ate as little as that particular day and told him how Merlin was almost as bottomless pit as her brother. Somedays the vegan food was just not appealing to him (the tone she used suggested that Merlin had said a lot more than 'not appealing'). Merlin would get something sweet to eat soon if Gwen knew him at all. True to that, Lance had seen Merlin bugging Arthur to give him some coins so he could get some chocolate from a wending machine just an hour later.
Talking with his love interest about one of his students was not a very professional method of gathering information, but talking with Gwen had given Lance some answers. Merlin was not in trouble or in bad company, he wasn't bullied and he was smart and funny, a part of him that Lance rarely saw in PE. Maybe because of the subject or just because of him, because whatever Gwen said, Lance knew that Merlin didn't trust him.
The only thing Gwen herself was worried, was Uther, Merlins step-father and Arthurs father. He was too strict in Gwen opinion. Lance could very well see that. Trough Arthur and he had come to a conclusion that maybe Merlin was not coping as well as Arthur, he was just a human after all. Maybe the school was the only place he didn't have to work as hard as Arthur seemed to work all the time and he took everything he could from that. This was not healthy in Lances opinion either, but that was not something he could complain to anyone. It was not like he could go to the principal, his employer, or other teachers or call home with 'Something's off with Merlin. He is a bit thin and sometimes he doesn't want to run coopers test. It might be because his step-father, who by the way funds this school, demands too much from him.' especially in this school. Demanding impossible from their children seemed to be the trend here.
Lance strolled around the gym trying to find if he had forgotten anything he was supposed to do before tomorrow and when he was sure he hadn't, he sighed and moved himself to his small office. He had a ton of stuff to do there and he wouldn't go home before he was done with it all. He was so not going to stay at school after the end of the year stuff. And he would definitely not come even near this building during the holidays.
It was almost nine o'clock i the evening when he finally had done everything that he absolutely needed to do before tomorrow. It was just some scattered small tasks that he could have done gradually over the year, but after working from approximately from nine to five very day with teenagers on his responsibility, he had quite never really got himself to do.
After filing a parer of all the expenses of the stuff he had ordered for the next year for PE and football and why, signing himself to a fire drill exercise with some other teachers for one saturday at february and answering an e-mail of one parent who was already worried about his sons graduating grade for the next spring, Lance started to clean his table of all the papers he wouldn't need anymore. At one point he found a note he had made of how many bandages he had used to patch up Pelinor after he had made a pretty bad leap in their first outdoors practice. Oh, yeah, the inventory of the drug cabinet… he had completely forgotten he had to do that.
It was a mandatory thing. He and school nurse had to keep tabs of what and how much they used and for what purpose. For him it wasn't that strict for the information was mostly for statistic purposes and to give the nurse the information of how much suplies he had used for he got them from her. The nurse had to do much more thorough job so she would know what to order and she also put everything to the pupils health register. Lance was permitted only to give necessary first aid and patch small things up. He only had some bandages alongside the necessary emergency suplies (like torniquet and bag valve mask) and the most powerful drug he had was paracetamol.
Lance had not been very thorough with his accounting on that, mostly when he had needed something from the cabinet he had had much more important things to do than try and find where the folder where he had this list was. So he knew that somewhere in this mess were more notes like this scattered around. Lance looked at the official document he had to fill already stating of how much of everything he had gotten at the start of the semester.
He counted how much he had everything now and marked everything that was missing as used. He wrote some things he remembered had happened and the rest he just wrote something like 'for minor bruise during football game'. He remembered all three times he had given someone paracetamol and all the cool gel packages and the more serious first aid stuff were in their place so Lance was actually very seriously considering of just checking those at the spring too. At least now he was too tired to care that he had slipped out of one of his seemingly superfluous duties.
Lance left after he had dropped the last papers to the principals office. Now he only had to come to the school tomorrow, talk with some parents, smile at them all when the report cards were handed out, listen the school band play and sing some Christmas carols after some group of girls from the last year had danced. Then he would wish all his students merry Christmas and he would not think any of this until next year. He wouldn't see Gwen or Merlin or Arthur for almost three weeks and after that, he hoped that he could stay proper with Gwen once again, he would be worth the standard Arthur had laid for the team and he would at least make Merlin have some carefree fun in his class if nothing else.
The Christmas was going to be quiet. Uther had paid some serious money to get their living room decorated and in the middle of it stood the biggest Christmas three Merlin had ever seen inside a house. It rose so high that Merlin could see its top when he opened his bedroom door. Underneath it was few gifts. Gwen had insisted that they saved her presents for Christmas so there were two neatly wrapped gifts from her, few from Hunith and few from Uther and the gifts Merlin and Arthur had bought for their parents.
Their cook had prepared quiet a lot of food and Hunith had wanted to help and make some of her specialities. This was the first time Merlin regretted being 'vegetarian'. He felt such nostalgia when he smelled his mothers roasted lamb with herbs, but he was happy to see that the cook (who didn't even like Merlin that much for reason or other) had made some dishes from tofu and mushrooms for him. Presents Merlin didn't care much. He knew that Arthur hadn't got him anything and while it was nice to get something from his mother, he felt guilty and from Uther he didn't want anything.
Most of the Christmas Eve Merlin was restless. He had called Will and he had tried reading, but he couldn't calm down enough to concentrate on it. Arthur had interrupted his call and while he had left soon when he had realized that Merlin was on the phone, Merlin kind of knew he could go and spend time with Arthur. He was currently avoiding doing just that.
After lying under his bed for a while he left the room and went downstairs. That was rare for him and he was happy to see the coast clear, no cooks or maids running around. He hid himself behind the Christmas tree. He liked the tree, under it's long branches he felt a bit like home and the forest he had played when he had been little. He and Will had compared their holidays in the morning and Will had found the thought of getting that big tree inside hilarious. The trees they had decorated at Wills home had always been at most as tall as the man who had brought them in.
Back then Merlin and his mother had spent their Christmas Eve there. With some of Wills relatives in the house, it had been much more fun than to stay alone with his mother in their small (and often cold at the time of the year) home. Merlin rubbed his face. How was he supposed to think this as a Christmas? It was so different and so… just not the same. It would have been alright if Uther wasn't home, but apparently he had taken the day off completely and taken Merlins mother to somewhere now in the morning and then they would come back before dinner and they were supposed to be one big happy family and have a cozy family Christmas… Ugh.
Eventually Merlin crawled from under the tree and made his way to Arthurs room. He didn't know if he should do that, but he needed some comfort even if it was a guilty pleasure for him. And maybe Arthur too wanted to spend some time with Merlin? Maybe he was bored too?
Merlin knocked Arthurs door not sure if he should just enter the same way Arthur always did. He changed his weight from foot to foot nervously before Arthur opened the door grinning. He was happy that Merlin had come. He had actually gone again to see if Merlin had ended the call already, but Merlin hadn't been in his room. Arthur seriously had no idea to where Merlin disappeared time to time.
They had good time and while they watched a movie mainly as a background noise, they talked about school and Gwen and their gifts and just generally everything. Merlin learned some new things about Arthurs opinions and he was happy to hear how much they varied from those of Uthers. Arthur was much more liberal when they talked about Gwen and Lance and Merlin told him how Lance felt about Gwen. Arthur was actually more understanding than Merlin had been and in the end Merlin had gotten some peace of mind on that topic. Arthur promised not to tell anything to Gwen and he assured Merlin that Lance was indeed a very noble person, if he had said that he wouldn't do anything to Gwen, Arthur was sure he wouldn't.
The Christmas was and went. Merlin had gotten some new books and a very warm soft pullover from his mother, a new calculator he would actually need and an envelope that Merlin knew would tell him that he again had more money on his account from Uther. Merlin didn't even open it. Gwen had knitted him a scarf and added some hand made coupons for hot chocolate and pancakes. Merlin loved his pullover and scarf, they were both warm and they kind of replaced some of his yearning for contact of people. He had been lonely also in a physical sense of meaning, he missed the times he could just curl next to his mother and let her hug him. But he couldn't relax like that anymore. The pullover was nonliving enough that Merlin could let it to his skin with ease.
At some point Hunith had wondered out loud why Merlin and Arthur didn't have any presents for each others, but Merlin had answered that it would have been quite difficult to search a gift for Arthur when the only change he had goten had been with Arthur. This had brightened Arthurs day and he had laughed how Merlin had anyway promised to loan his notes for the next year too and how that was a present enough. Merlin had made him a face just to keep up the good humour and show that he wasn't too happy to hear Arthur say that.
Hunith had kept her promise and Merlins birthday would be just a family occasion. She had asked if Merlin had wanted to invite some friends, but Merlin had refused. He wouldn't be able to relax with for example Gwen with Uther around anyway and he feared how he would look like to Gwen who had never seen how tense Merlin was when Uther was around. They had gone to a fancy restaurant and after that to look some awesome fireworks on the restaurants balcony.
At the restaurant Hunith had asked if Merlin would like to drive a license too, like Arthur had. It had sounded very tempting to Merlin. There was no reason why he couldn't learn to drive and the possibilities that car could bring… but then he had seen Uthers face from a corner of his eye and he had known that he would regret it if he said yes, so he had refused politely stating that he wasn't that interested and that he wouldn't use a car much anyway. His mother had looked at him a bit weirdly so Merlin had blabbed something about pollution and environment and in the end Hunith had seemed to understand. Merlin started to see his lies making him a form of personality. He was becoming an environment concerned and nature loving animal saving kind of guy. He just needed some clothes made of hemp and a tree to hug and he would be complete. Great.
While Merlin was looking at the fireworks light the sky after his mother had hugged him and wished him happy birthday, he thought of the life and how short and how long time could feel. He was now sixteen. In two years he could do what he pleased legally, but could he really? Even then Uther would have those pictures. Of course if Merlin would be strong, or desperate enough, he could just disappear. One day he could just go without a warning. He could travel somewhere far away and never contact anyone he now knew. That way Uther could do what ever he wanted and Merlin would never have to face his mother or Arthur or Gwen or Will to see their reaction.
But Merlin knew he wouldn't be that strong. He couldn't just leave and leave everyone and everything behind. And even if he would go to the worlds end, he felt that Uther would find him. And besides, what would he even do there? Alone and hiding. Would he find new friends or even love? That felt too unlikely and how could he forget Arthur? He kind of knew that people changed, but his feelings just felt too strong and he couldn't imagine them to just disappear.
Merlin sighed. Second round of fireworks was just starting and Merlin leaned to a railing in front of him. "What's with you and being gloomy on birthdays?" Merlin turned his head and saw Arthur just half a meter from him, leaning to the railing himself. Merlin hadn't even noticed him. Merlin blinked at him couple of times. The fireworks casted some green and pink lights on Arthurs face and Merlin knew that he would need to stop staring right now. He didn't dare to check, but he was sure that Uther was somewhere near, watching him.
"I'm not gloomy…" He mumbled and tried to concentrate on the fireworks once again. "What ever you say… Here, happy birthday." Arthurs voice was calm and just… nice. Merlin teared his gaze away from the fireworks to look at Arthur again. In Arthurs extended hand there was a perfectly book sized gift wrapped neatly to one of the bigger chain bookstores wrapping paper.
Merlin was a bit loss of words so he just settled to mumble "Thanks…". His heart was hammering in his chest and he glanced at Arthur if it was ok to open his gift now. Arthur looked at him clearly waiting Merlin to open his present, so Merlin did. It was indeed a book. Merlin vaguely remembered hearing something about this book, it had been made to a movie and it should have come out for Christmas holidays. The cover of the book was obviously from the movie and it was soft cover. When Merlin turned it around to see the front cover, something almost fell. He managed to catch it. It was an envelope and inside it two tickets for the movie made of the book and some coupons for the same theatre for popcorn and drinks.
Merlin could just stare. He had been thinking of the movies he had missed at summer many times during the year and he really had wanted to ask many times if Arthur would take him there, but hadn't got the courage. For a moment he forgot that Uther might be watching his every move and he looked at Arthur in the eye and smiled at him brightly. "Wow, thank you, I haven't been in movies since…" Merlin tried to remember when had it been, but Arthur, who was now smiling too took it from there "Since you were nine. You went with your mother to see the Lion King." Merlin had to laugh, so Arthur had asked his mother then…
"Yeah… It has been some time. And it was just a small thing in nearby village… I bet this is a bit different experience." Merlin couldn't believe this, he felt just so happy. "You'll come with me right?" He asked before he could think it trough. He mentally slapped himself but then Arthur grinned at him widely and Merlins heart melted. How could he tell himself that he had made a mistake if Arthur was looking so happy?
They spend some time talking about going to the movies before Merlin dared to glance behind him. Uther was nowhere to be seen and Merlin couldn't find his mother either. Uther must have taken his mother back inside then. That meant Merlin had feared for nothing and he was happy to concentrate on Arthur once more.
On the way home, Arthur asked his father if they could go to movies in few days and Uther gave them permission. It seemed that he was still pleased with Arthurs grades that had gone up quite much in the last year or so. Merlin stayed calm in front of everyone, but when he was safely in his own room, he hugged the book and the envelope against his chest and he laughed softly.
Getting a present from Arthur was the best feeling ever! And getting to go with him to the movies… and how he obviously had thought of Merlins present at least enough to make two trips to buy the book and then the tickets and ask his mother what Merlin would like to do. Maybe Merlin was reading too much into it and he knew it very well, but he wasn't ready to give this happiness away. He would have his date even if to Arthur it wouldn't mean the same.
A/N Hi! Ok the part with Lances point of view turned out to be really long... But it was so much fun writing something new rather than correcting my own spelling mistakes all the time.
Again a huge thank you for everyone who has reviewed!
mersan123 Oh, so good that you liked the vegetarian thing, I myself liked that scene quite a bit :) Yes, Merlin is attempting to take some control, I'm so happy that I managed to convey that with my writing! Also that you found Huniths thoughts interesting... I'm out of words. That was the newest thing I have written, I wrote Lances thoughts first. I have avoided anything to do with Uther that was not directly said or done to Merlin or Arthur, but while I was writing Huniths tought, I realised there really was nothing in this story that would let you all know how Uther is also lying and manipulating his wife... So thank you very much for inspiring me to write about Hunith too! This is why reviews are worth so much :)
EssieScrawls I'm so happy to hear that I have a new reader! Welcome abroad :) I know what you are feeling right now. Imagine how long it took me to write these first 100 000 words and I felt the same all the time. But I promise you a happy ending, there was no way I could have done anything else after all this shit Merlin has gone trough. I hope you will like the direction this story is going from now on too!
MillaMaxwell12 Thank you! I can't wait to get to that part were this all unravels either even thought it was hell to write. In the most satisfying way possible. Argh, Merlin needs some support and fast!
Angel Dove1 You really know how to make my day :) It feels so unreal how many positive things you say about my writing (altought I'm in no way complaining!) That is so true that we want to trust the people around us and it is healthy and normal to be able to think that a person is trustworthy until proved otherwise, not the other way around like Merlin is functioning at the moment... If I could proofread this any faster I would update faster just to get this horrible part of Merlins life over with...
BluesAvalon Hello! I recognised your name immediately, you were the first one to fav me! I'm so happy to hear from you, please leave a comment every time you feel like it for even if this story is thecnically almost completed, some reviewers have given me excelent ideas and I have added bits and pieces here and there (the longest of course the thoughts of Hunith and Lance). And that you have found my story realistic, is one of the greatest compliments I could have gotten for that has been my aim with this story. So, thank you so much for your review, I hope that you will like the rest of the story too!
b92morgan No sorries for writing a comment! Please do it more! I am so very happy to hear that you have gotten these strong emotions, that's how I know that I have succeeded with my writing :) it is also very much frustrating when we know how horrible everything is for Merlin while his own mother has no idea. Uther is lying and manipulating and it is very sad that the rest of the family is not communicating enough to get that. It would be so great if we could see every family suffering like this and drag everything to light. Somehow it just doesn't seem to work that way... Thank you for your comment!