Now that Hunith was again regularly spending nights out of the house, Uther had returned to his routines from last year. He took Merlin regularly and Merlin was again vomiting in regular basis. He was still holding onto his weight, but he knew that it was just barely. He counted the calories compulsively and he was mainly keeping up by adding oil into everything. He ate sandwiches with more cheese than bread at breakfast and stuffed as much food down his throat at school as he could. He wouldn't throw up anything that was eaten before school ended. Merlin had estimated that the food would stay in his stomach for about five hours and his biology books told him as much too.
Still Merlin was painfully conscious that he was trapped and that it just needed a small push from any direction and he would start to lose his balance again. He was thankful to any higher power that had prevented Uther from taking those handcuffs out, until just two and a half weeks from the first time, he did.
Hunith was again away, Arthur had been sleeping for at least two hours and Merlin himself was ready to call it a day when he heard his door lock click shut. Everything stopped for Merlin in a way that he had grown to be familiar with, but then he heard a jiggle. He shuddered violently and he didn't have to turn to know what that was. Merlin spun around with his chair to see Uther who was opening one of the cuffs and when he looked at Merlin, he felt like running away. The fear of being trapped like that again… he hadn't even done anything, right? Had he done the first time Uther had put the handcuffs on him? Melin didn't remember but it wasn't important.
Uther pulled Merlin up and clicked the handcuff shut against Merlins wrist. Merlin shut his eyes trying to shut the world from around him and pretend that he wasn't there. He felt a cold and sharp pull of the metal when Uther pulled Merlin to his bed by the handcuffs. It hurt and Merlin yelped. The panic was rising inside of him and soon Uther yanked the other cuff and locked it to one of the metal pipes of Merlins bed end.
With one hand free and Uther not on top of him, Merlin automatically curled as close to the bed post as possible to make himself small. Uther didn't say anything, but even if Merlin covered his ears, he could hear Uthers belt open and the cap of the lube pop. He hated these sounds so much… Uther couldn't take Merlins shirt off now that his hand was cuffed, but he pulled Merlins legs straight and tore his jeans off. Merlin didn't help him, but didn't fight either, he was too scared to do either.
Uther wasn't especially brutal this time and he didn't say anything to Merlin which at least was something, but Merlin could just concentrate on the feeling of being helplessly tied down. When Uther had finished and pulled out, Merlin expected him to open the cuffs, but instead he took a small key out of his pocket and placed it to Merlins night table. "Free yourself and go to sleep. I expect no more calls from your school that you have been sleeping in any of the classes." And he left.
So that's what had happened. Some teacher had called Uther. Merlin was actually mostly surprised that this was all he had gotten for sleeping in class. He hadn't even feared of Uther finding out about that and now that everything was already over, Merlin kind of just forgot the reason. It really didn't matter anymore.
What however did matter, was the key. It was on the same side than the hand that was cuffed to the bed and quite far away. Rolling to his back wasn't easy like this and it took Merlin some time to manage that. He was sore and moving hurt.
After almost dropping the key, he managed to take it from the night table. The next surprisingly hard thing was to get his hand steady enough to turn the lock. When his hand was free Merlin hugged himself in relieve. He felt so bitter and he hated these handcuffs more than anything in the world right now. He wanted to get rid of them. Now.
He managed to open the other cuff even if he was shaking even worse now. The cold feel of the metal in his hand felt like it was burning and he took off his shirt, rolled the handcuffs to it and threw it to his bin with so much force that the bin fell down.
Merlin almost threw the key away too, but he managed to remember that it could be important in the future. The same way than with the bandages, he wished he was wrong and at the same time knew that his wish was for nothing. In the end he taped the key to the bottom of his bed, near to the bed end. So he could get it out even if he was cuffed. Nobody would find it from there, hopefully. Merlin was still shaking after that, now more of cold than shock and his bottom was sticky and he smelled like Uther and sex. It was nauseating and he felt a strong need to forget. Even if just for a little while. He turned towards his desk to get the knife out.
He didn't even shower first, he thought that he would have to clean up anyway. Merlin looked at the uneven and ugly scar on his tight and he wondered if he should cut his wrist this time. Or forearm or anything that he wouldn't have to move that much or at least not walk with, but in the end he still chose his tight again. One place to hide because of a scar he couldn't explain was enough.
Merlin pressed the blade just millimetre above his scar and pressed. Not enough to brake the skin, but so much that just a small movement would. He could feel a rush of adrenalin and he felt just a bit scared in a bit excited way. He felt focused and he knew that he was the one in control now. But still... He took a while to think if this would help and if he really wanted to do this at all. He didn't like the pain and while it was different from the pain Uther caused him, it still felt horrible and possibly terrible for days. And after it was done, the control was not his anymore.
Tears of self pity filled Merlins eyes. He thought of the spring ahead of him and the key now taped to his bed. The thought hurt him physically and when he flinched, the blade cut into his skin. Sharp pain went trough Merlins body and he looked at the damage.
It was next to nothing, but the blood… that had been the first reason Merlin had done this. The blood felt clean and its smell overshadowed the smell of Uthers semen. And he already had drawn blood. Merlin wiped his eyes with back of his hand and gathered all of his anger for one clear movement. He pressed the small carving knife made for children and slid.
In the middle of the movement Merlin already knew that he had pressed too much, but his hand was already moving and there was no way to stop it. The wound came out much wider than the two previous. This frightened Merlin and his knife fell from his hand clanging against the floor. His blood was flowing too quickly and too much and Merlin felt faint and the strong smell of blood was nauseating in this small closed place. While he had felt rush of clarity the other times, now Merlin just felt bad and faint and he knew that he would feel worse soon. He had to get the bleeding to stop. Now.
Standing up didn't seem like an option so Merlin crawled on all fours careful of his leg to his room not even thinking of the open door. His goal was to get to his bed and take some bandage out, but his vision was swaying and he felt strong need to lie down on the floor. He wasn't too sure how, but he managed to remember that he needed to get his legs up. Merlin rolled himself around and threw his legs on the edge of his bed. How, he had no idea. His memory of this night would never be entirely focused.
For an indeterminate time, Merlin concentrated fully on buzz in his ears, the swaying of his room and the coldness that spread on his legs in order to not loose consciousness. He was truly afraid that the bleeding wouldn't end and that he would bleed to death like this, but eventually the buzzing lessened and the room stilled. He still felt cold in a way he had never felt before, but for now he was just happy that it didn't seem like he was dying anymore. Life really felt fragile at the moment. It felt like his life was the thinnest ice that could hold his weight like this when he was laying on the floor. If he moved or stood up, it would brake and Merlin would sink into winter cold, dark water.
After just breathing in and out few times while keeping very still, Merlin dared to open his eyes and look at the room and his leg. The room was again getting focused and he could observe things more than centimetres from his face. His leg looked horrible. The cut was long even if it was not bleeding strongly anymore, but there was so much blood all over his legs and hips and even stomach that it was hard to tell how deep the cut really was. Still Merlin could tell that it would take a lot of time to heal. The blood and his now extremely pale skin made a horrible contrast. Merlin only had his undershirt on and he wanted so much just to pull his blanket from the bed and sleep, but that didn't seem like a good idea right now. Merlin feared that if he fell asleep now, he might not wake up anymore. He needed to tend to his leg first.
Merlin moved his healthy leg out of the bed and waited if he would again feel faint. When nothing more happened than Merlin felt his blood pressure sway for a moment, he slowly started to pull his other leg from the bed with his hands. He didn't want to use the leg. After just laying on the floor for a while gathering strength and focusin on the real surroundings, Merlin managed to somehow make it to the other side of his bed and fish some bandages from under the mattress. He needed some water to clean himself, so he very slowly moved himself towards his bathroom. His vision was still clearing. In a way he felt a bit better, he didn't feel like he was dying anymore, but he was cold and thirsty and he was just starting to see the mess he had made to his floor, to his bathroom and on himself. But his first priority was still getting his would tented. He was so happy that his mother wasn't home right now. The bathroom looked horrible and Merlin knew he would see nightmares of this sight for a long time.
The shower was too strong so Merlin put the shower head on the floor and used one of the bandages as a cloth and just gently patted the wound until it had no more blood around it. To his relieve, the wound turned out not to be as deep as he had feared. He had just cut a little more than skin and he was quite sure that he would be able to walk better and faster than the first time he did this. But it was wide. More than fifteen centimetres.
While Merlin cleaned the rest of his body slowly and careful not to get his wound wet, Merlin decided that he would never cut himself again. It was too much trouble and it was just a different kind of misery for him. A way to make his rotten life even more stressful and arduous and painful. It had been a way to do something, when he had nowhere to go and nothing he could do to change his life to any direction. Something to went some of his every day frustration that kept piling up, but in reality, it was more like he didn't have to be afraid of what would happen next for awhile when he was already hurting. And now he could see that. In the end that didn't sound very comforting.
After bandaging his wound, Merlin was clad that he didn't have to see what he had done to himself anymore. He managed to get his blanket and pillow alongside with couch pillows to floor without standing up and he arranged himself to the floor so his legs could be on the couch. Merlin felt so tired, but he still looked at the mess on the floor and he knew that he would have to clean that up before morning so he set his alarm to wake him up at half past three. It was barely two hours away and after dropping his alarm clock next to him, Merlin fell asleep. He had no dreams and he felt like he had just closed his eyes for a second when his alarm rang.
For a minute Merlin could just stare at the loud object next to him, but there was no choice, he slowly rose to sit and looked at the room once again to evaluate the mess. The blood had dried and it was hell to get it out of the wooden floors and even the bathroom wouldn't just get clean with just showering some water on the tiles, Merlin would have to scrub some of the dried blood by hand.
It took Merlin two hours to get the place clean enough that he could hope that their cleaning lady wouldn't find anything suspicious. Merlin could check his bathroom when he got home from school again, she wouldn't clean bathrooms today.
Merlin still felt weak, he got out of breath from just walking and his head felt somewhat light, but he was happy how much better he felt compared to the night. He drank some water while he worked and after a while he remembered the honey he had hidden in his closet. That helped tremendously. After Merlin had circled his room twice in search of stains while spooning honey into his mouth, he still had some time, so Merlin set his alarm again to the time he normally woke up and pulled himself to his couch. It felt so comfortable and so warm that it was almost blissful.
Merlin woke up feeling better and even if he could still remember vividly how scared he had been and how bad he had felt, he still found himself being in a relatively good mood. He had survived the night so could take this day and he still had two days plus weekend before PE, so he wouldn't even have to survive that right now.
Arthur asked Merlin if he looked a bit pale on the way to school, but Merlin just blamed the weather and Arthur didn't ask again. Lying was so easy nowadays. If only he could have another beer that would be great…
The school went ok and when Merlins mother came back home on friday, Merlins weekend was saved. But when he had to watch his mother go on sunday, Merlin couldn't see anything good in his near future and he sank to desperation, fast. The start of the week was horrible as ever. Uther had made Merlin suck him off the previous night and Merlin felt burn in his throat and his stomach empty and his leg ached and the wound had inflated and red on the edges.
It wasn't any surprise than in PE Merlin just gave up. He played bored and uninterested and he hoped that way it wouldn't show how his leg wasn't alright and how tired he really was. Lance tried to encourage Merlin to play football several times, but Merlin pretended that he didn't hear or didn't want to. Finally Lance practically showed him into the game and Merlin made his best effort to play or at least stay at the other side of the field than Lance so he couldn't do that again.
Uther touched Merlin in his car and when Arthur left to 'work on a school project' for tuesday afternoon, he took Merlin in broad daylight. When Arthur came home in the evening, Merlin hadn't eaten dinner and Uther had let him get away with it without a comment. Not even Arthurs presence could cheer Merlin up and he felt that the world was slowly turning gray again. He could just try and hang in there and nod at Arthurs story of what they had done with his friends feeling his body ache and his very core disgusting until he could lie that he was tired and would go to sleep.
He didn't even think of himself as that depressed, but the feeling that he was again sinking to the same place he had been last year and the fear that he would have to do this again and again for at least until he was eighteen, made it feel insurmountable. Even if in theory Merlin could have gone to sleep when Uther had already been in his room today, Merlin couldn't. He lied on his couch for a long time without changing for the night feeling miserable before finally around midnight he decided that enough was enough.
When he woke up to wednesday morning, it felt to Merlin that the world was rolling by without him perfectly well. The day went in a fog and even Gwen let him be when both she and Vivian had failed to get a reaction out of him. Merlin hadn't done his homework but he bluffed his way out of it rather than actually doing them in between his classes. He didn't even feel like a human anymore. There was nothing in him and nothing he could do with himself. Being vegetarian was the only thing that Uther or the school hadn't pushed him to be or do and that wasn't nearly enough today. His leg didn't hurt that much anymore and actually the scar would probably turn out better than the previous ones so even that didn't offer him any distraction and he didn't want to cut himself a new wound anymore. He had decided.
After four agonising hours trying to avoid everyone and everything Merlin was about to collapse. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out. Having just two boring hours of history before he would have to see Uther again, felling his touch in his car and then going home where he would have to be alone with Uther… He just couldn't take it.
While Merlin had just stopped in the middle of the hallway leading to the final class of the day, Arthur passed him with that guy with nice looking hair (whose name Merlin always forgot) from the football team, laughing at something. "Arthur!" He yelled suddenly making more sound than he had made today all put together and jogged towards Arthur. He hoped no-one could hear the desperation in his voice.
Arthur turned around and stayed put, waving his mate to go ahead. "What is it Merlin?" He asked him nothing but mild curiosity in his voice. Merlin stopped before him slightly bent forward, panting a bit from the short spurt he had made. He had to get out. "Will you cover for me in history?" He blurted out, feeling out of breath. He didn't know how he sounded, but if Arthur would ask questions, if he wouldn't help him now, he knew he would just brake into a million pieces right here and right now. He would collapse in the middle of the hallway and everything would be over. He had no energy nor will to try more. He was spent and he couldn't find himself to care.
Arthur looked surprised. Merlin felt that small amount of strength that was keeping him standing slowly drain. He was ready to hear Arthurs 'no' for a reply and then collapse to the floor. He would just curl into a ball and maybe scream. Or cry. Or both. He would stay on the floor until some teacher was alerted and even then he wouldn't move if not carried.
"Ok…" Arthur sounded a bit hesitant but with this simple agreement Merlin felt himself being pulled out of his way to a mental breakdown. Arthur still looked hesitant when Merlin snapped his eyes to look at him, but he knew he could trust Arthurs word. "He never notices anything anyway, so I'll just write your name in the attendance list. But if it fails you are on your own." Arthur continued with much surer tone.
Merlin felt energy rush into his veins once more. He could get out… "Thank you!" He laughed briefly and turned around to get out of the school as fast as he could. "I own you one!" He shouted to Arthur while jogging to another direction. Arthur could just look after him. He knew this wasn't wise but he couldn't say no to Merlin. And his smile had seemed so… relieved?
Arthur found himself thinking that smiling face many times in the following class. It wasn't one of those smiles that made Arthur feel warm and happy inside. It was far too relieved and with the context, it seemed misplaced.
As expected, Geofrey didn't notice anything and Merlin was safe.
Merlin walked out from the school his head held high and feeling good. In a way he wasn't sure if he was clad or not that his secret was safe but he kept walking. By the time he couldn't see the school anymore, Merlin started to feel stupid for being so weak to even consider of collapsing in the middle of the school. How embarrassing that would have been? And what kind of price would there to be paid for that? But he was so clad to be outside that he didn't dwell on that for very long. The air was clear and he could go anywhere.
He walked straight to the store Gwaine worked. He wanted to pay for the gum and he would also buy another beer. At the moment he didn't care if it was legal or not and if he could get it there, he would.
Gwaine was nowhere to be seen again when Merlin stepped to the store. 'What if I would just steal something, would he even notice?' He thought just when Gwaine appeared from behind a sliding door Merlin hadn't paid any attention to before. "Oh, hi Merlin. Cutting class again?" He sounded cheerful so Merlin wasn't exactly scared, but he took an unconscious step backwards. Was he that easy to read? And knowing he should be in the classroom listening to something he had read ten times already somehow felt different than hearing the words 'cutting class' said to his face. He had never done anything like this and he felt sudden shame. "How…?" He tried to ask which made Gwaine laugh.
Merlin must have looked like a living question mark because Gwaine answered to him "I have lived around here all my life and I know you don't live nearby." He was now leaning to the shelf lazily looking amused. "You probably go to that fancy-pansy school just around the corner." Gwaine made a pointed look and Merlin remembered his pack bag. "It's only just after lunch time so it's not very hard to figure out." Merlin felt uncomfortable. He didn't know what to do… Gwaine even knew his name… would he tell the school? He would be in a real trouble then.
But Gwaine just kept smiling. "So, you in here for another beer or just to see me?" He grinned and Merlin felt like running now. He felt stupid and he just started to understand what the consequences would be if he would be caught on this. His mother would be angry, even Arthur and Gwen would probably be mad at him if they knew about the beer… he had even made Arthur cover for him. And Uther… Merlin couldn't even think about it.
Gwaine must have seen the fear in his eyes because he quickly told him "Hey don't worry! It's not like I would tell anyone. Think about it, my balls would be the ones in the line for selling to you!" Merlin looked at him and he instantly felt relaxed with his reasoning. Gwaine looked sincere and something about him just was very likeable. "I don't usually do this…" Merlin wasn't scared anymore but he still felt the shame and he had a sudden need to explain himself. "I can see that." Gwaine said and started to move some boxes from behind his counter and started to fill a shelf with some candies and cigarettes.
Merlin shifted his weight from a foot to another. He wasn't sure of what to do. He had come here to buy himself a beer and to meet Gwaine again. He liked him and now he felt like he wanted Gwaine to like him too… but would he just be disappointed if Merlin bought a beer again or did it even matter? Merlin was just some child from nearby school anyway…
Gwaine put the last box away and turned to lean on his counter and faced Merlin again. He sighed "Look, I know I have a habit of sticking my feet in my mouth… I really am not going to judge you. I was way worse on your age and seriously you seem much smatter than I will ever be." He smiled again and winked. Merlin had to admit that he was a good looking man especially when he smiled. "Basically what I was trying to say is that I won't tattle on you if you are not going to tattle about me." He grinned again "So lets keep this our little secret shall we?"
Merlin was fully relaxed now but something in a word 'secret' rubbed him the wrong way. He had too many of them already… "I don't like secrets very much…" His comment made Gwaine laugh again and Merlin felt a bit pleased with himself. "Alright, lets make a deal then: I will pretend that I think you are not a minor and you will in exchange only buy alcohol from me. Deal?"
Merlin had to smile at that. This kind of deal he could live with and he felt like Gwaine had given him a permission to buy more beer. That and he really didn't hold his cutting class against him… He really was a likeable character. "Deal." Merlin said and shook Gwaines outstretched hand. He then chose a sandwich Gwaine recommended ("made it myself with my amazing sandwich making skills!") one beer and some gum.
When Merlin left, Gwaine sighed to himself. 'My morals are awful.' He wasn't exactly sure about this whole letting a minor buy alcohol from him. 'I could have told him it was just a one time thing, hell, I cold have just told him I didn't know he was a minor before he came the second time…' But there was something about Merlin. Like he really needed some rebellion in his life. And Gwaine was always one for a little bit of rebellion 'I guess it's better if he only comes here… then I can keep an eye on him'
Gwaine wasn't the one to trust authorities too much. He could see Merlin had some kind of problem and he was fairly sure it wouldn't be solved if he marched to his old school and let some dusty teacher punish him for cutting class and drinking. In his experience they would leave it at that and never ask why he had done what he had done in the first place. To Gwaine Merlin didn't seem to be this typical teenager who just wanted to drink and party for the fun of it (like Gwaine had been at his age). He also knew it wasn't his business or problem, but this was his weakness, he didn't like to leave things just be.
And besides, something about Merlin made Gwaine like him. He felt that they would get along in the future. Gwaine shook his head in an amused disbelieve. 'Great, now I'm making friends with kids… I'm getting old.' With that thought he lied down behind the counter, took his pillow from where he usually hid it behind one of the boxes, started to eat jelly beans and continued his comic book he had been reading earlier in the morning.
Merlin was walking aimlessly again. He had gone to the park, but there was some group of children and it was too noisy. He also felt like one of the ladies with the children had looked at him strangely and Merlin had to get out of their sight before paranoia took hold of him. He was scared enough that someone would notice he wasn't where he was supposed to be and his shame was too strong. Could strangers see what the people who were constantly around him didn't? Could they tell that there was something off with him, what he had been doing at nights? He again started to feel tired. Tired and ashamed with himself. He wanted to find someplace quiet and hide there. Somewhere where no-one could see him…
While walking, Merlin noted that on his right side there was a stone wall about one meter in height. There were thick bushes on the other side. Merlin walked to the wall and looked to the other side. There were tall bushes that were thick on the ends in a way that made it hard to see through them even now when there was no leaves, but on the ground level there was plenty of space. Actually the ground was lover on the other side of the wall and after the bushes it continued to be someones garden.
Merlin put the plastic bag he had his sandwich into his bag and climbed to the wall. He found one spot where the branches didn't quite reach to the wall and lowered himself as low as he could while hanging on the wall with only his hands. Then he let go and landed almost unharmed to the ground. The ground was only about two and half meters from the top of the wall but some branches screeched Merlin and made him stumble to the ground. When he looked up, he saw a hole and a broken branch. He must have broken it and he kind of felt the place in his lower back where it had hit.
Merlin looked around. The place was nice. Like those bushes he and Will used to make play shelters when they were little. Only this one was bigger than those bushes so there was plenty of room for his long limbs. The bushes were long and wide. The wall was about fifteen meters long and the bushes went all the way to the end. There was at least three rows of the bushes and together they made about two meters wide hall of long thin branches braking into hundreds of smaller ones on the ends. Merlin couldn't stand there straight but it was close. Also the bushes were so thick that it was shadowy and Merlin couldn't really see well to the house just about five meters from where the bushes ended. He could tell that it was a two story building and that there were two doors so maybe two families lived in this building? He hoped they were all in school and work right now.
Merlin searched a good place to sit and eat with his eyes and he found that there was a corner of the wall to his left. He crawled to the corner where the garden obviously ended. The wall continued on the both edges of the garden and Merlin found the corner perfect. No one could see him from the street unless they looked directly down from the wall nor from the garden if they didn't happen to crawl under the bushes. 'This will be even better place to hide when there are leaves…' He thought and relaxed. He took his sandwich and beer from his bag and sat on it. He rested his back to the wall not caring how cold it was. He looked at the sky throughout the branches and started to eat his sandwich. It was chicken and some spicy sauce and it was good… He had to remember to compliment Gwaine the next time he went to his store.
When he was half way throughout his sandwich, Merlin opened his beer. They went well together. Merlin was sure Gwaine had known this. The beer didn't taste as bitter as it had the last time and after a while Merlin didn't think anything. Inside his head was quiet and calm. The beer made him warm inside and he just watched the sky from his corner. It was his quiet place now and all his problems were outside. He knew he was near the school but he felt that if he didn't come out, no-one would find him. He had the decision to leave or stay here and that thought alone gave him strength and a sense of calmness he had so desperately been graving for.
The beer and food didn't keep him warm for long. It was still too early for spring and the stone wall didn't make this place any warmer. Merlin wrapped himself to his jacket and didn't lean to the wall anymore. He mentally made a note to bring a warmer jacket and a scarf next time.
Next time… How often could he come here? Could he come every week? Or should he save it just for when he couldn't take it anymore? But even if he was cold, he knew that he would want to come here everyday. He knew he couldn't cut class too often… He felt nervous just imagining it. He would have to risk his mother knowing and Arthur… how many times would he cover for him without any explanation? There was also only so many teachers who wouldn't notice if Merlin was precent or not. Basically his only option was wednesday. The only other teacher Merlin could try to fool was his music teacher who would probably notice, but wouldn't care, but her class was first thing in friday mornings and there was no way Merlin could go back to a whole school day drunk. And not attending would sow in his grade and Merlin couldn't have that. Uther would be pissed if any of Merlins grades would drop.
Merlin shivered. His hands were freezing and he curled into his jacket even more and pulled his legs to his cheats. Arthur… He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined Arthur sitting next to him, wrapping his arms around Merlins cold thin frame making him warm… He let out a fast breath, almost like a sob, and held onto the image for a while.
When he opened his eyes again, seeing the branches and nothing else, he felt so alone… He hugged his knees and buried his face to his knees. He wouldn't cry. He had promised to himself that he would just love Arthur. He didn't need anything else than to be there for Arthur. He would be happy if he could spent the rest of his life just being his friend. He would be there and Arthur would never even suspect that he was anything else than best friend to Merlin. Merlin would do that, but he also knew there would be more moments like this when it felt hard and sad and lonely and cold.
He breathed in and out couple of times to keep himself calm and get the strength to leave this corner. It was the time to leave if he didn't want to be late. He leaned to the cold wall for one last time and looked at the sky. He would come back here. That much he could promise himself. With that he moved.
He couldn't climb back where he came from, so he walked his head low and knees bended couple of meters to about a middle of the bushes and found one place the bush weren't so thick and crawled to the garden. He felt out of place the second he was outside in the open and he quickly glanced to every direction for anyone who might see him. When he saw no-one, he jogged to the buildings end and to his relieve saw a road on the other side of the house. He quickly slipped to the road. He was safe.
Merlin took a couple of wrong turns before he found a road he knew but he still managed to be in the school yard when the bell rang. He took a shortcut across the football field straight to the parking lot for he didn't really want to face Arthur now. His loneliness had turned to embarrassment. He really couldn't see Arthur now that he had made him lie for him just so he could get out to drink and fantasise about him… At this point Merlin had completely forgotten how broken he had felt previously and he felt a bit stupid for making such a scene out of it.
Uthers car was waiting him as always. Merlin didn't look at him or say anything and just nodded when Uther asked some things about school. When he had nodded to yet another question of 'is subject x going well' Uther seemed finally pleased and put his hand on Merlin thigh. "I am pleased that you are doing well, I expect nothing less from my sons." He said and kept stroking his leg up and down.
Merlin felt dirty. The word 'son' had never been directed to him before and it made his reality feel even more definitive. Uthers hand felt hot to his cold limbs and it actual made Merlin hate the warmth. He wanted to be cold and alone and back in the garden… He concentrated on thinking of the patches of sky he had seen trough the branches and eventually, Uther removed his hand.
A/N Hello! I have a question for you. From this point on the next few chapters are chapters I actually started with plotwise, so, we get a lot of Arthur and Merlin, but mostly everything that they don't see, I have not written. So, is anyone interested in the developement of Gwens and Lances relationship? Because otherwise it will be just kind of mentioned. If you are intersted, I can write some moments and add them among the story. Just let me know.
Have a nice weekend!
And huge thank you for you who have taken some of your precious time to write a review! I am super excited to hear what you think now that the plot is really moving. You are awesome!
mersan123 Again, I am so grateful that you have kept writing your comments to me and I seriously am very interested of what you think of the story :) You write exelent reviews and I love how you make comments on many scenes. Thank you so much for sticking with my story! I laughed when I read your comment of how it's hard to know with Gwaine if he is here to help or get Merln drunk :D We will see... we will see... ;)
Angel Dove1 No worries, Gwain is one of my lead characters (have him listed in the summary too) and he will make a lot of appearance :) (Thats why we write fanfiction, we can use the characters we liked the most! Oh the power...) I'm glad that you liked the way I put him in the story!