On monday Merlin told Gwen that he was much better and Gwen told him that she could see it and that she was so sorry for not realising that he had been feeling unwell "I should have noticed, of course, you were so under the weather before weekend and all… " Merlin didn't want to make her regret for not noticing something that wasn't actually there so he tried to cheer her up by telling her that even he himself hadn't noticed he was sick so how could she? This made Gwen smile at him again and they spend the rest of their free time talking about Lance.
Apparently Lance had asked her to have some coffee with her which was certainly a development to their very ground zero 'dates' where they had mostly been on the school grounds or with ever so clueless Elyan present and the only thing apart from talking they had done was play football. After Merlin had appologised to Lance it had seemed that Lance had gotten a little bit closer to Gwen. Merlin was alright with that and he had come to trust Lance. As far as he could see, Lance really didn't have any indecent plans and he had taken care that they were always in a place where Gwen couldn't be alone or too late or feel uncomfortable. And while Lance was older, it didn't feel like there was unbalance between them. Gwen was more mature than most of the population on their age and she could speak for herself. She was strong like that which Merlin found he was a bit jealous of.
When Merlin arreived home, his mother had once again gone to her internship. There was nothing he could do about that. Uther came to his room at night and Merlin sucked him off. He vomited and drank the rest of his wine after that. There wasn't much but with his stomach empty it really went to his head. Fast. He ended up giggling to himself after he had cried for a while. He hid the empty bottle into his bag to throw away in the morning and then he slept.
In the morning his throat was sore and he was again really thirsty and he came to the conclusion it had something to do with the wine. This time Merlin fetched the biggest glass from the kitchen he could find and bought it to his bathroom. Another thing he would need in the future that he didn't want to think of. But he was clad that his bottom was fine and his muscles only ached from his football kicking and running. It was a pleasant pain. He felt alright and when Uther never came the second night even if his mother was away, Merlin felt brave enough to ask Arthur to come with him to meet Gwaine and Gaius. Arthur was excited. They quickly asked Gwen to cover for them before the class and she agreed to do it if they would tell her more later. They both promised and with that they almost ran off.
Merlin was all chatter on their way and Arthur enjoyed this happy and excited Merlin very much. He was even happier knowing he was part of the reason. He had helped Merlin by letting him cut class and he was here now with him. And Merlin had told him Arthur was his best friend. When they arrived to the street Gwaines shop was, Merlin pointed at it "There it is!" Arthur was surprised. He had waited to go to someones home or some cafe or something but to a small grocery shop? What did he know…
The store seemed empty when they walked in and Arthur just watched Merlin in awe when he walked straight next to a small counter and kicked something behind it. That something made a sound that resembled someone saying 'ouch' while eating a pillow. Merlin backed few steps and to Arthurs surprise someone indeed rose to stand behind the counter. He had unruly hair and by the look of his clothing, even if they were quite normal shop clerk clothes, he was a very laid back person. His top buttons were open and his apron was loosely tied on his waist. That, plus he had just crawled from the floor of his supposed woking place. Arthur also noted that he was quite handsome… That didn't make him too happy.
"Merlin. How do you do today?" Gwaine greeted him like he hadn't just been kicked and leaned to the counter an amused smile playing on his lips. "Fine. I wanted you to meet Arthur. Arthur, this is Gwaine." He beamed at him and Gwaine looked a bit surprised. Arthur was quite sure that he was still so much asleep that he hadn't even noticed him until Merlin had pointed him out. "Oohh, so this is the famous Arthur. I'm finally able to meet your boyfriend then." Gwaine replied to that with a tone that Arthur associated to children talking about new candy stores.
Merlin blushed darkly faster than Arthur could even make the meaning of Gwaines words into his consciousness. Arthur also blushed hoping he didn't look as obvious about it than Merlin. "No! He's my brother!" Merlin waved his arms to Gwaines direction like he was an over sized fly that needed to get smacked aside. "I told you that before!" Gwaine just laughed at Merlins angry tone, but Arthur had already passed his blush and wasn't happy with the word 'brother'.
"Step-brother." He had to correct. Merlin didn't seem to notice but Gwaine turned his eyes to look at Arthurs without turning his head and he smiled at him. Arthur wasn't sure if he imagined it but for a moment he thought that Gwaine winked at him. Then he quickly turned his eyes back to Merlin who was ranting something about Gwaine being an ass. The whole moment was over so quickly that Arthur wasn't even sure if it had really happened.
Gwaine rose his hands in defeat "Ok, ok, please stop yelling at my store, my old man does it more than enough." Merlin mumbled something about how there must be a reason for that too causing Gwaine to smirk again "And besides you are making your step-brother here uncomfortable." Merlin turned to point Gwaine with his finger "That was you!" Arthur found it hard not to laugh. He decided that he kind of liked this Gwaine character after all.
They spend about half an hour in the shop Gwaine asking Arthur this and that and making jokes about Merlin and himself. Arthur soon could see that Merlin and Gwaine got along because they had a similar sense of humour. Arthur laughed more than he had in the previous week and both Merlin and Gwaine seemed to enjoy that. In a way they were both people who needed someone as an audience to be funny.
They chose some carrot cake to bring for Gaius and Merlin insisted that Arthur tried one of Gwain's sandwiches. "Merlin likes that one." Gwaine commented when Arthur had hard time choosing between chicken and roast beef. Arthur looked at him confused "Merlin doesn't eat meat…" Gwaine blinked but noticed Merlin making a cross with his hands behind Arthur's back and he got the message. "Oh, I thought that you were looking at the mozzarella one… Then how about the roast beef? I happen to like it." To Merlins relief Gwaine was very smooth and Arthur agreed to try the roast beef one. It was Merlins favourite…
When they exited the store Merlin made Gwaine an apologetic face and Gwaine nodded at him and waved like it was nothing. Merlin could explain this to him next time…
The walk to Gaius' house was soon over. Arthur commented Gwaine on their way and Merlin was happy that Arthur seemed to like him too. "My father would never let him even to our doorstep… I understand now why you didn't tell anyone…" Merlin had to agree on that. Actually that was the closest reason that he could tell Arthur why he was skipping class so frequently. He would never get permission to see Gwaine or Gaius even if he even dared to ask to leave the house.
"But you could have told me…" Arthur continued with a bit quieter voice. Merlin felt regret for not saying anything to Arthur before. Like his mother had told him: 'give him more credit than that'. He would have to remember that in the future. "Thanks." He said instead and Arthur looked a bit taken aback and blushed lightly "It's nothing… just so you know." Merlin smiled and pointed ahead. "It's just around that corner."
When Merlin rang Gaius' doorbell, Arthur felt nervous. He didn't know what to expect and Merlin hadn't told him much. It was Merlin's voice, it was always so certain when he had mentioned Gaius (which was like two or three times…) like Gaius was a well known concept that Arthur hadn't known what to ask. When the door opened and it revealed an old man with longish white hair and stern look on his face Arthur had to take a step back. Whatever he had been waiting to see, Gaius was nothing like that.
Gaius' face brightened the moment he saw who it was "Oh! Merlin, come on in! Who is this with you?" Merlin smiled at him and gave him the carrot cake. "This is Arthur… I have mentioned him to you before." Gaius looked at Arthur from under his eyebrows and nodded. "Come in, I'll put a kettle on." With that he disappeared inside and Merlin followed him. Arthur followed him slowly and saw an apartment full of bookshelves and books. The place was very clean and looked organised in a way that the owner knew exactly where everything was but for a stranger it would take a decade to find anything at all.
Merlin went up to (supposedly) kitchen and motioned Arthur to sit on the table. Arthur did that and kept looking around until Merlin came down carrying a tray of three cups and plates and spoons and a tea pot while Gaius followed him with the carrot cake. Merlin set the tray on the table and moved to get another chair. "So I have heard that you are Merlins step brother?" Gaius clearly was interested in him and Arthur felt that he wanted to make this person like him. "Yes. Our parents married about one year ago…" it still didn't make this subject any more fun for him but he could be polite. Gaius nodded "It's not so long ago then." Arthur wanted to scream 'yes!' to that but he just nodded. "So… I also hear that you play football." Arthur found Gaius very easy to talk to and with Merlin added to the mix Arthur wished he could also come every week.
The tea ran out soon and Gaius said to Merlin "Go put the kettle on again, Merlin you know where everything is. There is also some pork in the oven, care to check if it's ready?" Merlin took the pot and disappeared upstairs. The stairs were steep and Arthur followed Merlin every step until he disappeared from sight.
When Arthur turned his head to look at Gaius again, Gaius was looking him intensely. "You seem to care about Merlin a lot…" That wasn't a question and Arthur felt very transparent under Gaiuses gaze. His other eyebrow didn't rise fully and that made his stare quite intimidating even when he was smiling. "Mmm… I just, well he can be really clumsy at times…" Arthur instantly thought that Gaius was referring to him watching Merlin just now and after he had said the sentence he mentally kicked himself. 'Caring' could mean an awful lot of things and Arthur might have just given something away with his comment.
Gaius didn't seem to notice but he laughed "Ha! Tell me about it! I'm not sure how my home is still standing with Merlin is helping me around!" Arthur laughed at this and relaxed again. From the clean state of the house, Arthur could tell Gaius was joking and he continued the joke by telling about something Merlin had done at their home. Remembering Merlin letting a whole bag of footballs fall on the stairs of their house bought fond smile to his lips and Gaius didn't miss that.
"I have to admit that I was a bit disappointed when Merlin showed up with you today, but I see why he speaks so fondly about you, my boy." Gaius' words made Arthur concentrate on him and he was about to ask a question but Gaius beat him to it. "I kind of felt that these meetings with Merlin was our special thing, I have grown fond of his stupid face." He smiled and Arthur had to smile at him too. "But now he bought you here and with how much he has been talking about you, I cannot help but think he thinks very highly about you, Arthur."
Arthur didn't know what to respond to that. Gaius seemed to him like he really cared and that he knew something that even Arthur didn't know yet about himself. "I- Merlin isn't really like a brother to me…" He wasn't sure why he was taking the conversation to this direction but for some reason he felt… trust? friendship? respect? towards this old man. Gaius nodded at him and smiled a little to Arthur giving him a signal to continue. "I mean, I have had a sister and… It's not the same, I mean I…" He wanted to get the message to Gaius but he couldn't say the words he wanted.
Gaius waited patiently but in the end Arthur just lowered his gaze "sorry…" he mumbled. He was sorry for two reasons, for not being brave enough to tell what was in his mind and for having these indecent thoughts in the first place. "It's alright, my boy. Just know that for a lonely old man like me, it's just a pleasure to have someone to visit me now and then so feel free to come any time you'd like. With Merlin or without."
Arthur then felt something he had never felt before in his life. Something he would years later refer as a feelings for a parent or fond relative. He felt accepted by someone older and wiser. His father had never been understanding so Arthur didn't know how he should have reacted at the time. Luckily he didn't have to because Merlin was coming down with the tea pot and somehow Gaius managed to look like they had been just talking about trivial things and soon their conversation flowed again.
Too soon they had to go. Arthur didn't really want to leave but he had his football practice and they had to be at school soon anyway. Gaius had offered them the pork and potatoes but Arthur had declined for both of them "We just ate some sandwiches and besides Merlin couldn't eat anyway…" This was the second time today that Merlin being a vegetarian was bought up and it seemed a bit too much of a coincidence for Arthur but not enough to actually ask Merlin about that right now, but maybe when they were home? "Oh, really?" Gaius had raised his eyebrows at Merlin.
Arthur wished they could return soon and he even asked Gaius if they could come with his car someday after school. Gaius seemed pleased to that and told them it would be better if they didn't have to skip school for him. Arthur promised to make some time and took Gaiuses phone number. (He was surprised Merlin didn't have it in his phone, but Merlin just brushed it of telling him that he knew it by heart). They had to walk quite quickly to reach the school in time and the whole time they were talking. Merlin seemed hyper because Arthur liked his new friends and Arthur felt like he was floating because he liked Merlin's new friends and now he really could be sure that he wasn't dating anyone.
Their good mood however evaporated as soon as they reached the school. First they saw some of their classmates in the hall and all looked at them with a strange look in their eyes and soon they saw Gwen looking horrified. "I'm so sorry! I-" but she had to close her mouth when she saw Uther coming down the hall.
Merlin froze and Arthur felt the trouble from here to the moon. Uther stopped in front of their history teacher. Geofrey talked with him awhile and pointed at Merlins and Arthurs direction. Arthur knew they were in deep trouble but when he turned to look at Merlin, Merlin was something else. He was pale and he looked petrified. Like he had seen the death himself. "Merlin, Arthur! Come here this instant!" Uther's command could have frozen the whole hall if there was anyone there anymore. To their classmates credit no-one had lingered around.
Arthur moved automatically but Merlin stayed frozen in his steps. Arthur had to pull his shoulder gently to make him move and after that Merlin moved like on autopilot. They stopped in front of very angry Uther. "I would like an explanation right now." He howled at them but from experience Arthur knew he shouldn't try to say anything at this point. He just hoped Merlin wouldn't try to do that either but his worry was in vain because Merlin couldn't have gotten any sound from his mouth let alone a protest. "I have just been told that you two weren't in the class and that Merlin haven't been in for many weeks now! Is this true?" Arthur saw Geofrey face from the corner of his eye and he realised that his history teacher must have asked from the class and someone had obviously told him of Merlins absence.
"I'm sorry. It won't happen again." He said. There was nothing else to say really. Uther turned his gaze to Merlin and Arthur wished he could say something, anything to protect Merlin from Uthers wrath but there really was nothing. 'I'll have to be there for Merlin, I have had to deal with father's temper all my life. Merlin isn't just used to it…' He tried to comfort himself. To him this was nothing too new but what broke his heart was to see how frightened Merlin was. He should have expected it, Hunith did seem someone who rather talked to one kindly than used an iron first of upbringing, like his father. Also Arthur had lied to his father for years now and gotten caught few times before, Merlin hadn't.
"So this was all your idea then." Uthers words were directed to Merlin and without thinking, Arthur protested "father!" but Uther silenced him with his holding his had up. "You have been cutting class and now you have made my son follow you. I will not tolerate this." Merlin still didn't say anything and Arthur felt like it would be better if he did.
When Merlin didn't reply, Uther huffed in frustration. "We will continue this at home. I apologise and I promise you, they both will attend to your class in the future." He directed the last words to Geofrey who nodded at him but didn't seem so angry anymore. If something, maybe he seemed a bit regretful. Maybe he hadn't expected Uther to make such a strong impact on them. Especially Merlin who still seemed pale and kept his eyes on the floor even when they walked to the parking lot.
"I have to go… my football practices…" Arthur was almost going to another direction when his father said "No you are not. You will come home this time." Arthur was shocked. He had been grounded before but his father had never let him miss practices because of that "But…" He started "No buts, you should have thought this before you went with this boy." Arthur didn't like the way his father referred Merlin and the way Merlin flinched made him actually clad he could go with them.
They all drove home Merlin in Uthers car and Arthur following with his car. He could see Merlins hunched shoulders all the way from his fathers back window and he wondered, was his father harsher to Merlin? He knew Merlin and for him to be so scared and look so… He didn't know what to call it. And the way his father addressed Merlin… like he was somehow on a lower level compared to Arthur, made Arthur angry. He had put up with his father before but him making Merlin suffer… it just hurt him on a different level he wasn't used to. He remembered when Uther had hit Morgana and he felt the same unjust now that he had felt then. Only now it was directed to Merlin and it made it even harder. He wondered if he had ever told his sister how he had felt that night and he became to the conclusion that he hadn't. No wonder Morgana never called him either, she must have thought that Arthur had found her punishment to be fair. He had to fix that someday but now he had to concentrate on Merlin first. Somehow Merlin always came first in his priority list.
As soon as they walked in, they met surprised Hunith in the living room. "Oh, you are all home already." She started but soon her surprise turned into worry. "Is everything alright?" Merlin kept his gaze on the floor when Uther started to tell her how Merlin had been cutting class and Arthur had gone with him today. The teacher had apparently noticed when two pupils were missing and after asking from the class someone had told him that they hadn't seen Merlin in the class in months. Uther was furious but collected and Hunith looked more worried by the second.
When Uther finished, she looked at Merlin "Is this true?" She asked and Merlin could only nod. Arthur also felt deeply ashamed. He had gone against Uthers will several times but now he knew he had done wrong and somehow Huniths concern made him regret his actions more than Uthers anger. Why hadn't he made a lie to his father of studying somewhere so they could have gone after school?
Hunith looked disappointed and demanded to know why, but Merlin just shook his head and remained mute "Answer to your mother's question!" Uther said with a quiet but stern voice, but Merlin just shook his head more stubbornly. Hunith tried to ask him questions like 'is everything all right?' or 'is someone bullying you?' or 'do you have somewhere you want to go?' but Merlin just kept shaking his head and remained quiet so finally Uther grounded them both for two weeks (not making much of a difference to Merlin who knew his punishment would come later in the night) and sent them to their rooms.
Arthur tried to catch Merlin's eyes on the way to encourage him silently but Merlin kept his eyes down and walked to his room before Arthur could do or say anything. In his room Arthur felt bad. He was worried of Merlin's feelings and he would have to cancel his 'study session' with Oliver and Erin next weekend when they were supposed to go to see a new movie Arthur had been waiting to see a long time now. But what really hurt him was the fact that this grounding wouldn't make much difference to Merlin. He only went out during history lessons and now that was definitely taken away from him. Arthur could take him to Gaius sometimes but they would have to make up an excuse for his father. How much Arthur had gotten used to his father he couldn't figure out if he would let Merlin meet with one old doctor who lived near their school. And in his life he couldn't find courage to start this conversation with his father. He just had to hope Merlin would be ok…
Merlin sat on his bed. He was scared and tense. He knew Uther would come tonight to 'talk' with him. He had done wrong and he would be punished. He felt cold sweat run on his forehead and he had trouble breathing. Would Uther handcuff him again? or would he slam into him so hard he would bleed again? or something new, something worse? Merlin didn't know and that made him scared. He wished he had bought some alcohol when he and Arthur had visited Gwaine. It wasn't like Arthur didn't know he drank now. And what was so wrong with it anyway? Many of his class mates were telling proudly how they had been drinking in parties and stuff…
The dinner was quiet by Uthers part and Merlin mostly tried to dodge every question his mother asked him in steady pace trying to get her son to open up to her and they both were growing more awkward and frustrated with every 'no' and 'mmm' and 'it's nothing' or 'I dodn't want to talk about it' Merlin threw at his mothers direction while keeping his eyes firmly on his food. Even Arthur was out of excuses so he too remained silent. At least he didn't tell Uther about Gwaine or Gaius. That much Merlin could appreciate.
After dinner Merlin shut himself to his room telling his mother to leave him alone while Uther was talking with Arthur. He couldn't consentrate on studing and he dreaded the night. The desperation was eating him alive and finally he just took his clothes off and lied to his bed. He could as well be ready and over with it sooner. He closed his eyes and imagined the sky he saw through Gaius' bushes.
Finally the night came and Uther opened his door. Merlin had almost drifted to sleep. It was very late. Uther must have waited until his wife was asleep too. Merlin didn't move and he closed his eyes tightly and waited. Uther shook him and pulled him out from under his blanket. The cold air hit Merlin and he saw Uther smirk satisfied to see him already naked. This made Merlin regret for a second taking his clothes of. Satisfied Uther made him feel uncomfortable.
"Put these on." Uther commanded him and threw a pair of handcuffs next to Merlin. Merlin felt his fears come true and he flinched away from them like seeing them had burnt. "I do not like to tell you twice…" Merlin heard the thread and he took the handcuffs in his hands. He was now shaking all over and opening them wasn't easy. "I wont tolerate this from you." Uther told him with a low voice straight to his ear and Merlin wanted to desperately explain that he wasn't being slow on purpose, but nothing but a whimper came out.
Soon Uther pushed him harshly to his stomach and pulled Merlins hands towards the bed end and Merlin had to close his eyes. He didn't want to look at his hand getting chained to his bed. As soon as Uther let go of his hands he tried to pull them towards himself. He knew it wouldn't help and that it would hurt but his subconscious didn't listen to reason. His instincts screamed him to run away, that he was trapped, that he had to get himself free and escape…
Of course it didn't help and he heard his nightstand drawer open and a cap pop. "Now you are making my son look bad also. I hope you understand that you will have to be punished." Merlin felt his blood freeze but he also knew that he had been expecting this. "I'll make you obey me." was the last thing Merlin heard before he was roughly pushed to his back. He had been handcuffed while laying on his stomach so turning him around made his wrist bent and the chain twist which made his movements even more restricted and painful. He breathed through his mouth now, his hands stretched to their max and his back arching. He was expecting the cold slick fingers when they touched his behind but he still flinched.
Uther slammed into him hard. He pounded in Merlin and he raises Merlins ass higher and pushed Merlins legs against his chest. It hurt and the position was embarrassing but Merlin thoughts were soon drifting. He couldn't see Gaius again. He couldn't see Gwaine, he couldn't go out alone, he couldn't buy any of Gwaines sandwiches or beer and he would again be alone. He felt tears run but no sound came from him. His wrists hurt. The handcuffs were rubbing his skin painfully and his arms were in a compromised position his lower body's weight completely on his back and neck. When Uther came inside of him, Merlin barely noticed.
After Uther had pulled out, he leaned to Merlin. Merlin sank with the touch. He didn't want Uther leaning on him. It felt dirty and unwanted. His skin was on fire where Uther touched him and he was getting angry.
"Kiss me." Uther whispered into his ear and Merlins anger evaporated. Instead he felt his heart shrink and he was mortified. He didn't want to kiss Uther. It was the last thing he had for himself. He couldn't, so he turned his head away facing the matters. He was expecting Uther to turn his head forcefully but instead there was a sudden dull pain on his side. Uther had hit him. Really hit him.
Merlin felt some of the air being knocked out from his lungs and his ribs bruise. The sudden blow also made him try to bend over but the handcuffs didn't allow him to. He heard himself finally make a sound. It was something between a cry and cough. Uther didn't show any sympathy to Merlin and in reality, Merlin didn't want any from him. Merlin heard his door open and close and he was alone again.
While he was relieved that Uther was gone he felt panic at the same time. Uther had left him handcuffed to his bed. What if he didn't come back in the morning? What if he would be left here forever? Or if Arthur came to find him when he didn't show up on time? Merlin tried to pull his chains in panic but of course the metal was stronger than him.
When he finally stopped, there were tears running down his cheeks and he was breathing hard. 'The key' he remembered taping it to his bed and he grawled neared the bed end not caring the semen dripping from his ass. He had to put his hand through the barred bed end to reach the key but finally he could. He tried to open the lock but his hands were shaking so much that finally he dropped the key. He heard it drop to the floor and make a clicking sound. "No. No!" He yelled to his empty room. No one could hear anyway. The whole house was ridiculously soundproof as Merlin had learned. Merlin breathed hard couple of times and tried to reach to key but he only managed to touch it with his fingertips and push it further under the bed.
'Don't panic, don't panic…' He repeated in his mind and rocked his body back and fort. It was way past midnight and he hurt all over. His side hurt and he wished nothing was broken. He smelled Uthers semen and the smell made him sick. But there was nothing he could do to that now… He couldn't throw up here, so he kept shallowing back the contents of his stomach that his alarmingly high stress levels forced to oppose gravity. He laid there very still listening the silence of his room.
When he was finally calm, he pushed himself to sit on his legs closer to his bed end so the handcuffs loosened and the pain on his wrists eased. He was tired…
Eventually he lied back his head as close to the handcuffs as possible so he could bend his arms as much as possible. The last thought until he drifted to sleep where he laid, naked without a blanket, was 'He really did hit me…'
When Merlin woke up, it was still dark outside. It was cold and Merlin felt stiff. When he slowly opened his eyes, he didn't have any idea where he was. Slowly he realised that what he saw was his own bed. He panicked.
He tried to get away but the handcuffs prevented him from getting anywhere. He turned his head rapidly to every direction trying to find any thread and his breathing made whining noise. He made himself as small and possible and tried to remember what was going on. Finally he remembered what had happened. He had been so cold but now sweat was running on his back and his side and hip made their discomfort known. His crotch was also sticky and Merlin wanted to scream.
For a while he just concentrated on not screaming and suddenly he had a thought 'the scissors…' He remembered putting them under his mattress along the bandages. With stretching his right arm as far as possible he could make his left arm reach the scissors. He tried to cut the metal and to brake the lock and finally he put the scissor through one link of the chain connecting his hands together and wedged the scissors agains the wall and the link to his bed. He bend until the link gave in even if it hurt his wrist when the cuffs tightened, cutting into his wrists. The handcuffs weren't made of very strong metal, luckily. Merlin moved his hands so that the rest of the chain passed through the broken link and he was free. His hands hurt. He put the scissors back under his mattress and fished the key from under his bed. It fit and he threw the remaining of his shackles as far as he could not caring if they made any marks on the walls or floor.
His sweat was starting to dry and he shivered with cold. He collected his blanket from the floor where Uther had thrown it. He wrapped himself to it from head to toe and collected his strength to walk to his bathroom. He shook the blanket from his shoulders on the door way and opened the shower as hot as he could.
The hot water burned his cold skin but it didn't matter. He sat on the floor and took his sponge. He scrubbed his body and especially his wrists, but he couldn't make the redness and the swelling go away. If anything, he only made them worse. Finally he gave up and just sat on the floor hot water pouring to his head. He looked at his side and there was a bruise forming. It wasn't as big as it felt and Merlin almost wished that it would look worse. He felt it worse.
How would his life become now? It had been getting worse and worse. Would Uther make it a regular habit of handcuffing him to his bed for a whole night? Would he eventually make Merlin kiss him? It didn't make any sense how grave it felt to Merlin. He had done everything. There was not a place that Uther hadn't taken in Merlins body. That including his mouth. But still his first kiss… Then Uther would have taken even something that should be innocent and it was the last thing Merlin still had. Ironically he felt that he would rather let Uther fuck him and hit him than kiss him willingly. He wanted at least something be for love. He wanted his first kiss to be with Arthur. And that was impossible.
This was the dead end. There was nothing Merlin could do anymore. He had no strength and no will to keep moving. He buried his face into his hands and wanted to cry but he had no strength left for that either. The water drumming on his back had turned to feel painful but he did nothing. 'What if I just died?' This wasn't the first time Merlin had noticed the possibility. If he cut himself now, he knew he would probably die if he just didn't tend his wound. He could even cut his both wrists in the shower and the water would slowly drain him from this world.
'Down the drain…' He thought and almost felt some humour in that. Maybe even Uther would be happy with him then. Maybe that was something he had wanted all along. Maybe his mother and Arthur and Gaius and everyone would want that if they knew what he had done and how he was. He felt despair bury him alive and he couldn't breath.
'I don't want to die…' was the single last grain of light inside of him and Merlin held onto that thought. He really didn't want to die…
But he could. And that was finally what gave him some strength. 'I could…' If everyone would know or if Arthur hated him or if Uther broke him, he could die. There was no dead end. He could even talk to someone and if worst came to worst, he could kill himself. It was his choice.
Merlin felt an extreme pressure leave him and he gulped air like a person drowning. He had a way out. He again felt that he had some control over himself and that gave him strength to finally turn off the too hot water. He made himself stand and dry himself. It was now almost six o'clock and Merlin didn't want to sleep anymore. When he had dressed making sure his wrists didn't show, he felt oddly refreshed. The sun was rising and it felt brighter than normal. Or maybe he just didn't really look at it often enough.
Merlin looked at his bed. It had been so long that he had slept on it… His wake up hasn't been pleasant. He wondered if he could ever sleep on any bed in the future. Would he panic every time he woke up for the rest of his life? Or should he try to make himself used to it again? He really didn't want to, so he dismissed the thought and turned to leave his room.
When he slowly made his way to downstairs, Uther was sitting in the end of the dining room table. Merlin stopped the second he saw Uther. What would he do when he saw Merlin had broken the cuffs? He squeezed the railing and his vision blurred. 'Breath!' His brain screamed at him. He took a deep breath and his vision cleared. Uther was now looking at him but said nothing.
Soon he went back to his newspaper and acted like he hadn't seen nothing he hadn't been expecting to see. Merlin was glued to the place he was standing and he only snapped out of it when Arthur passed him commenting how odd it was to see Merlin up. Merlin snapped his head to his direction and followed his steps with his eyes until Arthur disappeared to the kitchens side. Just then he remembered that he had legs of his own and that he had to move.
Uther collected his newspaper just when Merlin got to the end of the stairs. Merlin jumped away from his path as he made his way to upstairs. Uther didn't even look at him. Merlin walked to the table with shaky legs and sat down. Arthur came to sit to the opposite side from him carrying bread with ham and cheese and jogurt with him. He seemed to be in a good mood which made Merlin feel gloomier in contrast. "So what's the special occasion?" Merlin mumbled something about waking up and not feeling sleepy anymore. Arthur seemed to notice that everything was not alright because his tone softened. "Was father hard on you yesterday?" Merlin snapped his head up and looked straight at Arthurs eyes. For a moment he thought Arthur had actually asked about…
Merlins face paled and he kept staring until something changed in his eyes. Arthur couldn't identify what it was but when Merlin finally answered him, his voice was cold and somehow distant. "It was fine." Merlin hated himself for saying these words and he was mad as hell for Arthur making him say those words. Arthur looked at him with sympathy which didn't help Merlins mood. Merlin felt himself get close to his snapping point. "I know he can be harsh at times but-" Arthur started but Merlin couldn't take it anymore. "But what?!" He interrupted Arthur who went quiet at Merlins tone.
Merlin stood up his chair making an awful noise against the floor. There was a moment of absolute silence before Merlin opened his mouth. "Don't. Speak to me." Was the only thing Merlin said to Arthur before storming off. Arthur followed Merlin with his eyes and his surprise turned into annoyance. 'What's up with him today? I just tried to be nice to him… That idiot.' His morning was effectively ruined. He bit into his sandwich and promised himself that he would wait for Merlin to apologise to him. 'Whatever that was, it wasn't my fault!'
Merlin was furious. He stomped into his room and didn't even realise that his door was open when he had closed it when he had gone downstairs, before he noticed that his blanket was also back on his bed and the remains of the handcuffs were missing. Uther had been here and cleaned up all the evidence. Merlin shivered at the thought of Uther being here but at the same time he was relieved that he had cleaned up. Merlin hadn't even thought about that and he felt stupid for it. 'Does this mean that Uther would have also let me go at the same time, if I wasn't already out?' He frowned at the thought of Uther coming here to free him only after his breakfast. He imagined him drinking his morning coffee while Merlin would have been here, not able to move, hurting and freezing…
The thought made Merlin even more angry… He was angry at Uther, at Arthur and at himself. He was even mad at all the people he knew and all the teachers in his school, did nobody care enough to notice something wasn't right? Did he really deserve this? How long could he keep his mind together with this? He thought about last night and he wasn't sure if he was even sane anymore. Not in the same way that he had felt last year, but a completely new way of being messed up.
When it was time to leave for school, Merlin walked to Arthur's passenger seat not looking at him or saying a word. Arthur stayed quiet too and was annoyed to the silent treatment Merlin was giving him. He really didn't think he deserved it.
The first thing in school was Gwen who came to meet them immediately when they stepped inside the school building. "I am so sorry about yesterday! I wrote your names but Geofrey counted the students and- and then that tatteling idiot Cedric went and told him that you were missing and that Merlin hadn't been in the class for ages and I-" Arthur interrupted her by placing his hand on her shoulder "It's alright, it was our fault really, you did your best."
Gwen seemed to relax a bit but she still looked at Merlin to have some signal from him that he was ok, too. Merlin used all he could to smile at her. He really didn't trust his voice to say anything pleasant right now and even an idiot could see that his smile was fake. Gwen looked like she was going to apologise again but Arthur interrupted her again "Let him be, he must have gotten out of bed with a wrong foot." giving Merlin an annoyed look. Merlin knew he would regret taking it out on his friends so he remained quiet and concentrated on remaining quiet. He didn't want to hear anything about 'getting up' or 'bed' right now.
Gwen looked even more worried as Merlin just walked past them both and went to sit in the class room. He let his head fall to his desk and he wished no-one would speak to him for at least another hour or two. Lucky for him Gwen who sat next to him let him be. Arthur must have talked to her and Merlin started to feel bad for snapping at him. By the end of the class he physically hurt from the need to speak to Arthur and tell him he's sorry.
When it was time for lunch, Merlin was too tired to be angry anymore, to anyone, even himsef. He had used all of his mental energy and he felt drained. He also vaguely noted that he had in fact slept at most four hours last night. That, and he hadn't eaten almost nothing in 24 hours… Maybe there was some base on his foul mood. In the cafeteria there was some yellowish sauce with beans for a vegetarian choice and delicious looking fried chicken as a regular food. Merlin decided to screw it all and took the fried chicken. Gwen looked at him surprised but Merlin didn't care.
When they sat down Merlin told her that he was too hungry for saving the world before Gwen could even ask and Gwen smiled at him. She was clearly relieved that Merlin was again talking to her. "Just don't tell Arthur… He would never let me forget…" Merlin continued mostly in order of making Gwen happier. Gwen smiled at him and soon they fell into a comfortable conversation. Merlin was tired and while eating made him feel better, it also made him drowsy so in the end Gwen did most of the talking.
"…and I can tell you a secret, right?" Merlin had listened her telling about her and Lances visit to the coffee shop for five minutes now without saying a word and he nodded to Gwen who beamed at him. "We kissed!" Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper but so happy some would call her hyper. Merlin was happy for his friend but his sarcastic mind reminded him of his own experience on the same theme last night so what came out of his mouth was "Lucky you…" his tone wasn't the most rooting and happy in the world to say the least.
Gwen's smile faltered and Merlin immediately regretted his tone. "I mean I would love to have someone like that too…" Gwen smiled at him kindly, understanding. Merlin couldn't look at her, he was too dishonest with her. "You will find someone like that, I know." She told him with so much certainty in her voice that Merlin almost believed her for a second. Even if he couldn't tell her that she was wrong, he somehow still found some strength from Gwens certainty. He smiled at her weakly "So how was it?" He managed to say and Gwen blushed prettily "It was wonderful… I can still feel it… He was so gentle and- and he told me that- that he would wait for me until I was on age because… because he loves me!" Merlin really smiled now. He was genuinely happy that everything had turned out alright. He had to remember to say sorry to Lance at some point too. His list was just growing today wasn't it?
They spent the rest of the lunch speaking about Lance and Gwen's relationship and Merlin felt his mental energy increase from hearing about his friend's good experiences. Their conversation gradually got a lighter tone and Gwen teased Merlin for being a romantic. "So do you now have anyone special in your mind hmm?" she asked him looking a bit devious. "Not really, just jealous of you." This made Gwen smirk and Merlin wondered what she would actually do if he had some girl he liked. "I bet you do…" she said in a sing-a-song voice. Merlin blushed a little hoping Gwen couldn't tell it was Arthur…
"Even if I did, I wouldn't have a change. Look at you! You are pretty and nice and I look like a horses back side." He joked and Gwen laughed and looked pleased at the compliment. "That's not true at all and you know it! And besides, if you don't have anyone you like then what do you really want?" She made a fake gasp "Wait, could it be that you only want to have someone to make out with? I remember what you said about men before…" She said with a scandalised voice. Merlin chuckled and told her to shut up. It was actually funny and Merlins sour mood was gone. He was again clad to have a friend like Gwen and he regretted for not spending more time with her like this for what felt like months now.
After school Uther picked Merlin up and the whole trip Merlin was scared stiff that Uther would be mad at him for braking out of his handcuffs but nothing came. He didn't even touch him. When they arrived at home Merlin again tried to hide himself to the garden but the only even relatively close to a hiding place he found was to lie on the ground behind one flowerbed. He stayed there until it was time for dinner even thought he was cold and tired (He was quite sure he had fallen asleep at some point). After dinner he went to his couch and fell asleep immediately.
He woke up about eight o'clock feeling like a human again. His muscles ached and he felt alone in his room but otherwise he was fine. Now his morning drama felt distant and unnecessary and he had to apologise to Arthur. He sneaked out from his room hoping Uther wasn't anywhere near and knocked on Arthurs door as loudly as he dared without letting Uther know he was here. Arthur opened his door soon enough and motioned Merlin to come in even if he still looked annoyed.
Merlin stepped in Arthurs room. The room seemed to hold more light and colour than his room. To him, Arthur made the whole room seem like gold. "I'm sorry." He said. "For yelling at you in the morning. It was as you said, I woke up with a wrong foot." He got some courage from his mornings resolution. He could say sorry or he couldn't. It was his choice and that gave him courage.
Arthur was surprised and pleased. Something was tinkling in his brain that something wasn't right but he brushed it off and decided to be happy that Merlin was apologising to him. "It's alright… I was just about to watch a movie, care to join me?" Merlin smiled at him and felt miles better now that he had seen Arthur smile.
They watched a movie and the last bits of awkwardness Merlin had felt soon disappeared when they fell into their normal bickering and commenting about the movie. Merlin sat on the floor hugging his knees while Arthur was sitting about half a meter from him also leaning to the sofa his legs speared and his posture relaxed. Merlin was laughing at something Arthur had just said about one actor of the movie and he felt rush of good feeling. Like when he had been drunk. Before he knew it, he had opened his mouth.
"Could you kiss me?" He realised half way through his question what he was doing, but he couldn't stop himself in the middle. Arthur went silent and Merlin tried to think if there was something, anything he could say to make it seem like a bad joke or whatever, but his mind was blank so he just kept looking straight ahead not even blinking.
Arthur wasn't sure if he had heard right. It could have been just his imagination and he would be making a fool of himself, or worse make Merlin realise his feelings, if he now kissed him or answered wrongly to a question entirely different from what he had heard. But he couldn't let the possibility to slip through his fingers so he finally replied in a hushed voice "yes…" That couldn't be so bad of an answer, right…? Merlin turned his head partially to look at Arthur.
"Really?" He asked quietly. That didn't give much clue for Arthur if he had heard Merlins question wrong or not, but he still replied "yeah…" Merlin looked down for a moment and seemed to prepare himself for something. Then he blushed and smiled at Arthur. Arthur thought that that was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life. That was enough for Arthur and he moved closer to Merlin who now looked up to him and let go of his knees.
Arthur put his arm on the sofa for some support and leaned closer to Merlin. When he was closer to Merlins face than it really was normal for even close friends Merlin rose his chin and let his eyes close. Arthur felt happiness and pleasure dance inside of him and he closed the distance between them. He kissed Merlins upper lip slowly and softly trying to forget that he had absolutely no experience in this.
It felt amazing. He felt tiny electricity on his lips and skin. Merlins lips felt like the softest silk in the world. He moved away just few millimetres and moved to Merlins lower lip. He parted his lips just slightly to move his own lover lip against Merlins. Everything disappeared to him right then. There was just Merlin and this kiss and Arthur didn't want it to end. He again moved to Merlins upper lip and moved around a little. Merlin had been tense, but gradually Arthur felt him relax. That made his heart beat with happiness and he moved his hand to Merlins shoulders. He wanted to hug Merlin, pull him closer to his body and never let go, but he didn't dare to push it. He continued kissing Merlin who didn't seem to have any objections. He felt his pants grow tight and he wondered if Merlin would notice but couldn't really care right now.
Suddenly Merlin pulled out and buried his head to his knees again hugging them. Arthur felt light headed but also disappointed. He just now started to wonder why had Merlin asked him to kiss him in the first place. Was it curiosity? Did he just want to try kissing and couldn't ask anyone else now that Gwen and Lance were together? Or could… could Merlin also like him? He didn't dare to hope for that and he started to fear than now Merlin would regret it…
Merlin couldn't even begin to describe that. He had waited a kiss with Arthur to be pleasant rather than horrible like all his other experience with Uther and all, but this was something on entirely different scale. He saw light twinkle behind his eyes and Arthurs lips felt soft and warm and gentle and just Arthur… He smelled Arthurs scent and the gentleness was something so new to him… He completely forgot himself until he felt himself getting hard. He couldn't let Arthur see that so he pulled away and tried to hide himself in shame. He didn't dare to even look at Arthur and this silence was driving him mad. He wanted to know what Arthur was thinking. He didn't want him to see his erection but he didn't want to leave either…
"Mmm… was that alright?" Arthur finally asked sounding awkward. Merlin nodded against his knees and Arthur relaxed a little. At least he hadn't mistaken the question… Merlin would have done something else otherwise than let Arthur kiss him for so long…. The movie was still going forgotten now. Some battle music was playing and Arthur had no idea what to say or do but luckily Merlin rose his head, breathed deeply in and spoke "Can I stay with you tonight?" Arthur felt relieve rush into him and he replied "Yes, of course." hoping he didn't sound too eager. "Alright." Merlin just said and rose up, turned on his heels and walked out of the room before Arthur could even start to think what to answer to that. He looked at his erection and decided that he needed a cold shower before Merlin came back. He turned the television off to do just that.
Merlin closed his door and slid to the floor. He and Arthur had kissed. They really had kissed. And it had felt wonderful. Merlin wasn't sure if it was better that he had a good memory of his first kiss or if it would just be worse now that he knew what a kiss could be like… with Arthur… They had kissed.
Merlin found himself smiling and laughing and he felt alive. He had gone from the bottom to the top of his emotions today and while it made him tired, he was also so very happy. So happy that he hadn't killed himself in the morning and that he was still alive. That thought felt now repulsive and dangerous. He felt a fear of his own mind. He promised that he would never think about that anymore. Arthur had again saved him without even knowing it. His heart swell 'I love him...so much' He thought before gathering himself from the floor. He took himself a pyjama that covered him from head to toe and headed to shower.
Merlin adjusted the water to just right temperature and closed his eyes. He remembered how Arthurs lips felt on his. 'How could he kiss like that…' Merlin thought feeling bliss. He had asked Arthur for a kiss but seriously he didn't have any idea what he would have done if Arthur hadn't done anything even if he had agreed…
Merlin felt golden light fill his heart. He felt real, complete happiness, something that was rare nowadays for him. He remembered Arthur moving from his upper lip to the lover one and he softly trailed the path of Arthurs lips with his fingers. He imagined Arthur to continue and he felt himself getting hard again. Only this time it didn't feel unpleasant, embarrassing yes, but not painful or unwanted like normally. His fingers left his lips just to hesitantly trail his body lower. He hadn't touched himself like this since… He refused to think that now and only concentrated on the thoughts of Arthur.
He touched his thing first just with his fingertips and finally he took it all in his hand. It felt so different. He felt pleasure and he wanted more. He felt ghost of Arthurs lips on his and he imagined him there with him, naked in the shower. He imagined Arthurs voice telling him it was alright wrapping his arms around Merlin. It didn't take long for Merlin to feel the pleasure build and he came whispering Arthurs name. His legs felt weak and he sat on the floor.
The water washed all the proof of his masturbation with it and Merlin leaned to the tiled wall. He wished it could be Arthur. Arthur really telling him it was alright, holding him and letting him lean onto him afterwards.
He felt tears run from his eyes but it was more like now had the energy to cry some of the pressure he felt out and he felt better andcalmer with each tear. He sat there until he had no tears left. 'I wonder if Arthur will kiss me again if I ask…' He really hoped he would. If Arthur said no after this... Merlin would have no idea what to do. It would be a different feeling altogether. But still, now he had his memory and he felt that he could survive with that what ever Uther decided to do to him from now on. Just not tonight. Tonight he would sleep in Arthurs room and pretend everything was alright. He washed his hair quickly and changed to his pyjama. He took his blanket and pillow (which were freshly changed by the maid during the day) and headed to Arthurs room.
After his cold shover, Arthur had changed to his night wear, with shirt. He didn't want to scare Merlin off. He had gone to bed to read the second book of the saga Merlin had recommended to him. He had almost lost hope of Merlin ever coming back tonight when he heard a silent knock on his door. He practically flied to his door and opened to see Merlin hugging his pillow and blanket looking a tad self conscious wearing an oversized pyjama. 'cute' was the word that popped to Arthurs mind and when he just stood there staring Merlin eventually blushed a bit. That made him even more cute but Arthur quickly moved aside and Merlin made his way to his couch.
"I thought you drowned in your shower." He tried to lighten the mood. Merlin looked at him and blushed darkly. Arthur wanted to hug him so badly, but he made no move. He still wasn't sure if he would scare Merlin away with that. Arthur went to his bed and pulled his blanket over himself. "So do you always sleep on your couch then?" He had wanted to ask this before but now he finally felt that the time was right. Merlin just nodded at him. Too tired to even try to make up a reason and Arthur didn't dare to push him further. Arthur thought that Merlin must have some reason for it. 'Or maybe he really just is eccentric…' he thought.
They were now laying both under their covers. Arthur in his bed and Merlin on the couch. Arthur turned off the light on his nightstand, which was the last light source of his room. With lights off he somehow felt braver and he asked "Hey, was that your first kiss?" He had wanted to ask why did Merlin kiss him but that was too much for him right now. Merlin was quiet so long that Arthur began to think that maybe he had fallen asleep or maybe he didn't want to answer him, but then he heard a quiet voice reply "yes…" Arthur felt glad at that but he had to know more "why me?" Merlin didn't reply and Arthur couldn't wait, he didn't have that much confidence.
"I mean… I just, I think that one should kiss only those they love…" He knew he was practically confessing his feelings to Merlin but he didn't know what else to do "I… you can kiss me, if you want… I mean it's alright… I-" His throat felt dry so he had to clear it a bit. He heard his heart beat in his ears but he now had a direction for his speech. "I- lets make a deal. If you don't have any one else you want to kiss and you want to kiss, you can kiss me but then you have to promise me you will only kiss me." Arthur was painfully aware of how many times he said 'kiss' and it made him blush but that was it. He had said what he wanted to say right now. More or less.
Suddenly Merlin was standing next to him (Arthur wasn't sure if Merlin was just quiet or if his heart was so loud that he couldn't hear anything anyway) "I promise." Merlin said and Arthur made a small "huh" sound. "I promise I'll only kiss you." And then he leaned forward, kissed Arthur softly on the lips and then moved back to the couch before Arthur could react. Arthur brought his hand to his lips and his heart raced. He smiled and felt most happy with his life.
The only thing wrong was that he was again hard and he had no change of taking care of it. He cursed himself for not doing anything about it before Merlin came, but how was he supposed to know how long Merlin would take? He felt so happy that he had hard time falling asleep, hoping he could just go and take Merlin to his bed, to sleep with him but he really couldn't. When he finally calmed down enough to sleep, he imagined Merlin laying next to him and he hugged his pillow tightly wishing tomorrow would come so he could talk with Merlin again and kiss him again. He saw pleasant dreams all night and woke up refreshed and happy.
Merlin didn't have to wait sleep for long. He was so exhausted and the joy of getting a permission to kiss Arthur again made him feel safe and comfortable and warm. Arthurs words meant so much to him. Arthur was wiling to kiss him and even thought Merlin didn't even want to guess why, he held on the promise like it was the only life line in his world. He didn't only have the permission to kiss Arthur, he also had a reason to defy Uther. And he would do it. He would not let Uther kiss him whatever he did. Uther could take him, he could handcuff him and let him rot all night. He could make him shallow his cum but Merlin wouldn't let him kiss him. He had promised.
He slept dreamless sleep until morning when Arthur woke him up with gently shaking his shoulder. Merlin pulled him closer gently by his shirt and Arthur didn't protest when they kissed softly. Arthur pulled out slowly and smiled at him. "Good morning" he said and Merlin felt he had just seen his dreams come true. This was definitely the best way to wake up.
A/N And the Merthur is finaly on! Did I manage to keep you on your toes? I'm little bit pleased of how I managed to gather this chapter together :) I hope you all enjoyed it too.
Huge thank you for Blood Thirsty Angle for correcting my spelling mistakes and educating me of the use of apostrophe! (And teaching me a new word, apostrophe :D )
And you my dear reviewers, I was again blown away with your amazing reviews. I really feel that you get this story and the characters and I'm so happy to have you as my readers. You really make all the work I put into this story feel worth it. Thank you!
mersan123 Yay! I have Susan :) Did you have anything that you'd like to tell me about yourself, like hairstyle/colour or something that you'd like to bake or cook for Merlin? I have this idea you see... But I'm so thrilled to try to write you in the story even if briefly, I really hope you will like the result :) I also enjoy these chapters with no Uther in them, I'm happy to tell you that while there are still bad times ahead, there are also other chapters with no Uther on the way.
BluesAvalon Yes, we totaly need this kind of chapters and in reality, the predators are not that predictable, there are times that are not so bad and times that are good and calm. Most of the people are not bad all the time and with Uther working a lot for his company, Merlin can have some time off now and then. And the car scene was very 'aww' wasn't it? I literally had to write this story down because I came up with that scene.
LordOfTheRainbow Wow, this is the longest review I have ever got! I update every 3rd day (so the next one will be on thursday) so I have time to proof read and answer review for I have to work too.. but I really want to update frequently so you don't have to wait, it annoys me greatly if someone starts a story and then there is update every other month or never... So I try my best :) Yeah, Arthur is pretty clueless, mostly because he functions a bit differently that others do, but also because in this case there is nothing really extraorigibally going on. Many drink when they are underaged. But Merlin isn't really that type, so yeah Arthur should think something is not right. In Huniths defence, she was trying to find who her son had a crush on. She also tried Elyan (I'm not sure if I made that clear enough...). I really hope that you enjoyed this chapter, was it anything that you thought? It kind of had horrible moments, but well, the main one was of cource when Merlin and Arthur finaly kissed. And this chapter must have given an answer to your question, Merlin and Arthur's relationship will start groving from here and they will get their happy ending as I promised in the story summary :)
Skypeoplephoenix732 You can try to peer as much as you want, you will still have to read my story ;D Yep, it is finaly the time for fluf, I have been waiting for that! And I'm aslo pushing Arthur to find out stuff, good that you are too ;) And yep, sleeping Uther is the best Uther.
Angel Dove1 Many of the things you wanted came true in this chapter, sorry that the pair is stil clueless... Teenagers... why are we all so awkward at that time? And Arthur and Merlin talking about the nature of their relationship? Or Merlin telling his secret so they could be honest with each others? In the show Arthur had to be dying before that happened... But I hope you still enjoyed the chapter, there is more to come in Arthur's and Merlin's relationship :) (And I promise tha in my version neither of them have to die for that).
8OrangeMatilda8 I was so teasing you, I had planed of letting this chapters title slip for weeks now :3 You really understand well what I wanted to convey with Merlins drinking and being a vegetarian, awesome! Yeah, we don't really talk about how controlling eating is a sign of some kind of uneasiness or problems in life. If it's not a well known eating disorder of course. But I think that especially children do that a lot. Controlling what they eat is something they can do and try to either balance their life if it's not in balance for some reason or just for the sake of power play (especially very young children). I see it a lot in school. It's funny how some children refuse to eat salad just to see if they can control their teacher. Many of those cases their parents are shocked when they hear that their child is actually eating vegies without a fight at school after few weeks... Sorry, rambling, bad habbit. But yeah, it doesn't have to be abuse, when our father died, my little sister stopped eating mostly everything. She basically only ate things that didn't taste anything and everything that was sweet. She has became better with time and there was not much to do at the time, it was just her way of coping. In Merlin's case regaining some control is very important to him and while I really don't want to say that get worried if someone wants to be vegetarian, it is important to know from where our children are coming from. Gently asking for reasons, I think, would be a great way to go while supporting them in what they believe is right. Of course in this case there is not any danger involved, being lacto-ovo is actually a pretty healthy choise (even if Merlin really is too thin!).